AM I TOO MEAN TO YOU? Transcript

Introduction to Livestream

[0:00] Good afternoon, Flash Livestream. Hope you guys are doing well.
It's the 22nd of February, 2024.
First time I can catch a livestream at the start. Oh, how lovely.
How great to have you here at the beginning, rather than all the people who come in and say, hey, man, what's going on? Why is this happening?
Why is he talking about that? Where's the origin story of this?
And it's like, oh, Oxford sure says hello, Steph. All of you, I appreciate that.
Yeah, it's something I just find really annoying.
Really annoying when people come in like i did this live stream yesterday and i was talking about that story of the woman who lost the 50k or who gave away the 50k on a scam if you're like oh and explained at the beginning why her husband wasn't involved and people are all like why wasn't her husband involved and it's like you know you're distracting everyone and coming in and elbowing and throwing your weight around in my stream so all right hi steph glad you're here my 11 year old forever homeschooled daughter just had her first day at public school yesterday.
Well, if you've homeschooled her properly, the first day at public school should in fact be the last day at public school, if it is the case.
You don't necessarily want to be a vainglorious authority figure around my daughter.
It will not last for you very long.
Very long. All right.

[1:21] Let me just get your... any other comments or questions before we begin?

[1:35] So, okay. We'll do mean email time.
Um, uh, okay. So this is a guy, um, uh, he wrote to me, uh, a request subject, a request to join.
And I assume that's to, to get me to open the email.
So he wrote to me, um, wow. I just can't believe I'm writing to you guys again, but let me make this crystal clear. Your cult is a bunch of C-U-N-T-S.
There, I said it. Now, let's not beat around the bush or whatever you guys do there and get to the point.

[2:23] I recently stumbled upon your, let's say, unusual ways of gathering attention.
And while I must say it's laughable.
Make your own philosophy? Seriously? Have you ever heard of Google, guys? It's 2021. Do some research. Forget about starting your own devoted philosophy.
Just join the existing ones like the rest of us.
I don't i don't know why he said it's 2021 have you google at the moment have you been following all of this uh this um picture generation stuff where white people don't exist excellent that it's all going to end so well and then he said uh and oh the world's number one philosophy shit show really you're making a bold statement there aren't you i mean have you checked out twitter feeds lately there's some hot topics being debated every second second.
Listen up, folks. You need to take a good, long look at yourself.
I do every morning, thank you.
Nobody's going to buy into this so-called philosophy of yours.
Save the world from what? I might ask. From itself, apparently.
Who do you think you are, saving the world from itself? Does anyone even take you seriously?
In conclusion, let me just say that you should be ashamed of wasting your time on such a pointless endeavor.
And let me remind you, no one wants to leave their familiar world and join your philosophy because, quite frankly, it's a joke. so I don't know if this is joke or serious or whatever but I just thought it was it was very funny.

[3:45] And it's a shame too because you know if somebody has something really critical to say I would love it if they did I would absolutely read it as a valley girl yes.

[4:01] That is the kind of stuff that just makes you very very happy to have an email account that's public.

[4:11] I mean, this, it's funny. I mean, I don't know if you guys care, but the analysis to me is quite, quite interesting.
I don't know how serious this is or this could be. And I did write to him back and I said, what a terrible childhood you must have had. I really am sorry for what you went through.
And then he wrote back, the same as your leader. I don't know what that means. Who is my leader?
Aristotle? I don't know who is my leader. Take me to my leader.
I don't know who is my leader.
Anyway, it sounds like somebody who's just off his rocker, which is a real shame, which is a real shame.
But you can see all of this sort of stuff.
I recently stumbled upon your, let's say, unusual ways of gathering attention.
Yes, because it's so much fun as a philosopher to have the attention put on you rather than your arguments, say, your data, your interviews, the subject matter experts you bring on the show.
Just have people focus on the individual. Boy, I'm just in it for the attention because it's just so positive.
So great and wonderful. The idea that you would advance universal morality for the sake of vanity and ego is so mind blowing to me that I can't even tell you. I can't even tell you.
Make your own philosophy. Seriously. Have you ever heard of Google?

[5:32] Yeah. Google will, will lead you to the the truth straight off a cliff uh oh the world's number one philosophy shit show really you're really making a bold statement there aren't you uh yeah well as far as original arguments goes rather than an analysis of other people's uh shows yeah for a time there it was definitely the biggest and most popular philosophy show in the world for sure.

[5:57] Oh, I know you're really making a bold statement there on you.
It's like there's no proof. There's no arguments.
There's no facts or anything like that.
You need to take a good long look at yourself. So just so you know, when people say this kind of stuff, like in all seriousness, when people say this kind of stuff, what they're desperately trying to do is pull you out of your own mind and activate your external critical ego.
Right. You're your self attacker. Right. so when people say you got to take a good hard look at yourself have you have you looked at yourself lately what kind of claims are you making they're trying to get you they're trying to drive your spirit in a sense they're trying to drive your consciousness out of your body and have you have an out-of-body experience where you look at yourself with deep and vicious hostility and criticism in other words they're trying to recreate in you the verbal abuser that obviously drove them to this level of mania right so they're trying to reap it's their verbal abuser, trying to activate an external verbal abuser in your own consciousness.

[7:05] Which if you're self-critical and in a sort of healthy and positive way i don't have an external abuser i don't have i don't have a part of me that's like, maybe you've just been lying this whole time maybe the sauce about ego maybe i just don't have that i mean i've been very self-critical which is why i think i've been quite creative so i mean i've been studying philosophy for over 20 years when i'm like you know i don't have a good definition of love of free will of morality uh and all of that so uh already very self-critical uh criticism being good like that which is designed to to inspire you and help you realize where you need to work right that's what criticism is is where you need to work right so.

[7:49] Save the world from itself apparently i don't even know what that means who do you think you are, a superstar so who do you think you are is another way of getting you to separate from your identity right so you need an observing ego to evaluate yourself but so people with no third eye with no observing ego don't change because they are always the measure of perfection all their actions are perfect and everything that goes wrong is somebody else's fault.
So you do need an external observing ego so that you can compare yourself to higher values, to higher standards, right?
So free will is our ability to compare our proposed actions to ideal standards.
So you need a way to compare proposed actions to ideal standards, which means you need to evaluate yourself according to a standard that is not just yourself, right?
You need to evaluate, this is the whole point of philosophy, or diet and nutrition or exercise regimes and so on, regimens.
You need to have the ability to evaluate yourself relative to some standard that isn't just yourself if the only standard of self-evaluation is yourself well that's solipsistic self-referential and fundamentally hedonistic like whatever i like is the good whatever makes me feel good in the moment is the right and all that kind of stuff so so you need to kind of go to the midpoint outside yourself to evaluate yourself but not so far that you end up in scathing verbal abuse territory right so.

[9:13] You evaluate yourself with encouragement. You don't evaluate yourself with these sort of verbal bombs that this guy's trying to lob.
Does anyone even take you seriously? Right. And does anyone even take you seriously is a way of trying to, again, trying to pull you out of yourself and have you look at yourself as a joke.
Right. I mean, I remember when I launched the art of the argument, you can get that at
It was like, there are so many errors here. I don't even know where to begin.
He's a rank amateur. sure he does nobody talking about and it's just a way of trying to get you to look at yourself, as an idiot right because if you look at yourself as an idiot if you look at yourself as foolish if you look at yourself as having delusions of grandeur of being vastly more.

[10:01] Effective intelligent creative impactful than you are then you're you're crippled you're paralyzed, ambition is vanity high aiming is grandiosity it keeps you crippled useless helpless so this is a form of emasculation or how they would sort of slice the tendons of slaves to get them for running it's just a way to get you to look at yourself as tiny delusional petty and foolish foolish and that way you are neutered you are rendered legless or ballless or something like that so yeah people will try and drag you out of this now people who do have delusions are going to go through a very harsh time when those delusions are really challenged right you know you've seen these people on these talent shows who just they don't have any talent they haven't worked very hard.
They think they're fantastic and they're terrible.
Well, you need to have a critical eye outside there, but you need to have a critical eye with some sympathy as to why they've ended up this way.
So, you should all be ashamed of wasting your time on such a pointless endeavor.

[11:18] No one wants to leave their familiar world and join your philosophy because, quite frankly, it's a joke. Right?
So if you, I mean, there's obviously quite a lot of rage and hostility behind this kind of stuff. You should all be ashamed.
Shame, right? So the infliction of shame is the attempt to remove your conscience from yourself and place it into the hands of someone else.
This is somebody trying to take your conscience out of your mind out of your own purview and for them to sit at the giant dials of positive and negative evaluation.

[12:00] If that makes sense. So somebody who tries to, you ought to be ashamed.

[12:06] Well, shame is generally externally inflicted, whereas guilt is something that you feel according to your own standards, right?
So trying to substitute guilt, which is when you fail to meet your own standards, for shame, when you fail to meet other people's standards, and that's considered bad.
The externalization of conscience is the fundamental goal of tyranny, right?
We will run your conscience, thank you very much. We will tell you when you're good or bad.
You can't have, possibly you can't have your own, you can't possibly have your own standards of good and evil.
You can't possibly have your own standards of good and evil because if you have your own standards of good and evil, we can't control you by activating the shame button.
So you ought you should all be ashamed wasting your time on such a pointless endeavor, well of course and this guy this is really fascinating too in a way right so he's saying that he understands philosophy to the point where he knows that everything that i'm doing or we're doing is a pointless endeavor wow you know that's pretty cool to to i mean if this guy was right and knew philosophy so well that his efforts made my efforts look like a pointless endeavor man i'd go and and make that guy coffee and rub his feet while he broadcasted because that would be a good use of my time i'm happy to be somebody's acolyte but they have to outstrip me in abilities obviously right.

[13:32] Nobody wants to leave their familiar world and join your philosophy because quite frankly, it's a joke. Now, that's a very interesting sentence.
They don't want to leave their familiar world and join your philosophy.
Now, of course, they say your philosophy to diminish it, that it's not an objective argument that I'm putting forward, but just my philosophy, right?
And that's the use of the word cult, of course, right? It's a joke.

[13:58] Well, it's a joke said in a very angry tone, a tone always is kind of strange to me i always i've always found this since i was a little kid oh you're it's just a joke it's like but aren't jokes supposed to be funny and so when you say it's a joke what does that what does that mean when somebody is very angry, and they say what you're doing is it's just a joke and it's like but joke is the wrong word But hello, Middy, and welcome back to the show.
Greetings back to you in Utah.
I have like perma-pimple up here. Well, it will fade soon, I'm sure.
So, yeah, it is a very interesting email. And you can, of course, get that rage, right?
You can get that rage. I do. I mean, whatever happened to this guy as a kid, I assume that it is a I assume that it is a guy that seems like a guy, and I mean boy can you imagine what kind of childhood he had right can you just imagine what kind of childhood that guy had.

[15:12] Somebody says I triggered a guy on LinkedIn about his parenting I referenced you Steph I wonder if it was him it could be yeah you should read the argument argument.
Thank you, 22 tabs. He says, I do, in fact, take Mr. Molyneux seriously on account of the unrivaled credibility earned. Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that.
And you know, Aren't you glad to still be getting hate emails? It means you're still popular, right?

[15:46] So, it's funny. I was just thinking about this today. And if you have questions, I'm certainly happy to take them. If you have questions, I'm certainly happy to take them.

[15:57] But I was thinking about ambition and all of that.
And, you know, it's how I started off my book, Universally Preferable Behavior, Irrational Proof of Secular Ethics, by saying, look, come on, the odds that some guy who is a software entrepreneur has solved the philosophy problem of the ages, which is how do you prove objective morality without reference to gods or governments?
The idea that I've solved that is so improbable that you have every right to be completely skeptical, right?
I think that's really, really important to point this out, right? it.

[16:35] Like if I said, uh, I I'm the most handsome man of the planet, uh, you know, and you hadn't seen a picture of me, you'd be like, well, wouldn't I have heard of you by now?
It's like, yeah, I know, but you know, I've been kind of keeping it under wraps or whatever.
So, and I said this and I, this was quite a bit early on in the show.
I think I've established myself enough now that I don't need to remind people of this, but you know, I was mad when I was younger that school was so boring and irrelevant and useless and pointless.
Now it is in general but also there's no way that a school system could be designed for people like me or like you like the real outliers the people who are just far on the right of the chart of mental abilities it just can't you know it just can't really handle because the you know general institutions are for the general population and i of course was always skeptical of my own abilities because it seemed to me the odds of being able to do what I'm able to do intellectually were just so tiny.

[17:36] That I was like, no, it can't be me. Can't be me. I don't want it to be me.
Don't want it to be me. Shouldn't be me. Can't be me.
You know, talking about childhood dysfunction as the root of state power, and talking about, you know, universally preferable behavior, talking about free will in a way that is fairly, I mean, you can't overthrow my argument against determinism.
Many people have tried, of course, over the years and almost now decades. It doesn't work.
Nobody can overthrow UPV. nobody's been able to disprove UPB even rationality rules or Stephen, Woodward or something like that when I had a debate got him to accept the basic tenets of UPB even though he claimed to oppose it significantly like you just kind of throw these things you kind of pose these things and the odds are, that I would be in possession of the brain that solved the problem of secular ethics which has been eluding philosophers for thousands and thousands of years Here's the odds that I would be the one to crack it. Again, I mean, that's ridiculous.
It's completely ridiculous. I understand that.

[18:46] I can't even tell you how ridiculously improbable it is. And then I'm like, oh, I think I'll sit down and write some novels. Wow, these novels are really good.
Hey, I think I'll write some poetry. Hey, some pretty good poems.
Oh, I'll write some plays.
Oh, I'll do a little bit of acting. I just seem to be able to do these things.
And you can of course tell your own uh you can judge what i do you read my novels or listen to my novels it's even better pretty pretty pretty pretty great stuff and so the odds that i would be in possession of not just philosophical but artistic gifts and also the fact that i would be in possession of i was a good businessman and made good money in the business world i was a very very good computer programmer i did like just the odds that i would have the skill sets or these sets of skills were just so ridiculously improbable that I felt like I was in the possession of a millennial lottery ticket, if that makes sense.

[19:40] And I don't mean this with any kind of vanity. I mean, because I was so skeptical of it and so unbelieving of it for so long.
And then, of course, once I learned about IQ and genetics, it was like, okay, so I happen to be in possession of a very good brain and I did not earn it and therefore it should not be used for my vanity.
Now, I have used it for my vanity and what I was drawn to in the art world and so on had a lot to do with vanity.
And the idea that I would use my brain for my own enrichment, for my own ego gratification, for my own vanity became increasingly repellent to me over time.
Once I began to understand that I just got lucky. But you could say lucky.
You could also say unlucky. Depends on how you look at it.
But it is pretty wild. All right. Somebody says, yes, the curse of the high IQ. It is tough for sure.

[20:33] Jared says also, my therapist reminded me yesterday that being so intelligent changes the way that I work through things in comparison to the average person.
Right now should we should we just have a blatant talk about being smart i mean should we just should we just do it should we just if this is where we want to talk i'm i'm happy to to indulge because it is it is a challenge uh should we just have a general chat about being the challenges of being being very intelligent because it is uh it is a big thing i'm happy to you know take it in whatever direction you want if you have other questions or whatever i'm certainly happy to talk about that but.

[21:15] One of the problems of being very smart is that you really have to tiptoe around the average because if you don't tiptoe around the average and they come in contact with your, intelligence the average, gets stung in the vanity center and reacts often with aggression.
That is a tough thing for people to deal with.

[21:50] If you really let your intelligence fly, then other people who think that they're smart will find out that they are limited.
And listen, it happens to all of us in one form or another.
I remember I was in some singing contest years ago and I did okay.
But, you know, then there was some guy who just came out and belted out unchained melody, hit all the high notes, even the falsetto. And I'm like, yep, he's won.
You know, he's definitely doing what I can't do and good for him.
But, you know, it's a little bit of like, oh, I thought I was going to be able to get to at least the top three.

[22:22] And, yeah, that kind of stuff is tough when you are good at something.
It's the big fish in a little pond, a little fish in a big pond that happens.
So when I went to the National Theater School, we were all the best actors in our local environment.
Like I was the guy in my university, whenever there was a play, people would like insist that I be the lead.

Mean Email Response

[22:44] Uh even my professors who i had a professor who um he directed me in a harold pinter play called a slight ache and also i played in the bear by chekhov which is a comedy and so it was a, kind of a terrifying tale of mental disintegration in harold pinter's a slight ache and then it was called the bear with a slight ache and then there was a comedy show right afterwards where i played a comedic character and so he was i remember like he just had me come in and keep reading and i was like i i'm like do i have the job like do i have the gig he was just it's like well of course like who else would i go to right so without a doubt in my environment i was the best actor quote but then you go to the top 16 young actress in all of canada and yeah i was you know i was not head and shoulders above everyone else because there were other massively talented people there and so everyone has that kind of adjustment.

[23:50] So Jimmy says, I don't believe I'm overly smart. Maybe that's because I hated school as a child. Well.

[23:58] You understand that it's a perfectly valid thesis. It's not proof.
It's a perfectly valid thesis to say that one of the marks of intelligence would be to hate school.
If you're very smart, and school is designed for the average, and, by the by, the average has been declining for decades.
Average IQs have been declining for decades. I know there's a Flynn effect in all of that, But that just means that we're getting better at taking tests, not that we're actually smarter.
Average IQs have been declining for quite some time. And you can read the book, At Our Wits End, by Michael Woodley, I think it is, for more on that.
For more on that anyway so it could be that in trying to and and there was very very few times over the course of my childhood i'm being generous here but there were very few times over the course of my childhood where i looked at teachers and thought you have something you really have something to teach me i did not look at i looked at teachers as vain insecure insecure, manipulative, kind of aggressive bullies that you never wanted to prove wrong.
You never wanted to show them up.

[25:16] This is why when you have insecure teachers as a culture, you can't develop philosophy.
You can't. In fact, philosophy runs for the hills and gets detentions because philosophy requires humility to say we can't answer the big questions, right? Philosophy Classify requires humility.
If you have insecure, vain teachers, the teachers are very touchy whenever a student gets even remotely close to disproving them.
And I mean, gosh, I remember that as a kid, just asking a couple of questions, you'd come up against that.

[25:55] That teaches, you know, did you ever, maybe it was just me, maybe I just had a special ability this way, but you come pushing up against your teacher's prickly vanity and they just kind of blow up and get tense and weird and aggressive whenever you point out something that they don't know or something that's totally false.
Right i mean i remember having a um uh a teacher a professor in university who was teaching about american history and he was talking about joseph mccarthy and i knew a little bit about some of the counter push to that so i did do the counter push he just got really tense and angry i remember another professor talking to me about um of racism and so on and i said well you You know, the blacks from the West Indies do better than whites in America.
So it can't just be racism.

[26:46] And again, he got weird and tense and angry. And do you ever have this thing where it's just like, just weird and tense and angry whenever you go against the programming, right?
But when I had a teacher who was mocking Nixon, uh, I remember pointing out that the taping stuff was actually installed by jfk and jfk recorded everything so i didn't quite see the difference and again they just get weird intense and angry james says yeah in fourth grade i pointed out to the math teacher that his example of borrowing from a nine in a subtraction problem would never happen and he was weird about it uh somebody says i asked a philosophy teacher in high high school is taxation theft i know exactly what you mean yeah this even happened when i was in my first philosophy class in undergrad and the professor was talking about descartes and i was like what's the null hypothesis like the cartesian demon that we could be a brain in the tank and everything's being manipulated blah blah blah i said well what's the null hypothesis if is there any way to disprove this and he just gave you that thousand yard stare of resentment.

[28:06] I mean, the midwits are the fundamental opposers of progress.
Because, you know, that, that chart, right? Like the Neanderthal and then the Jedi and then the midwit in the middle.

[28:23] So, you know, the quote Neanderthal, you say, hey man, reality could be illusion.
He's like, yeah, I don't care. I still got to drive to work, like whatever, right? It's like, right?
Just makes masturbation noises, ooky-kooky, and let's move on, right?
And then the really smart guy is, well, there's no hypothesis to that.
You can't disprove it, so let's discard it as a hypothesis.
And of course, all the middle people are like, yeah, man, it could be.
Like, if you look at the shape of an atom, it's kind of like a solar system, and maybe we're an atom in a larger system, and it's just like, Oh, my God.
I absolutely love.

[29:00] The working with your hands people. I love, because of course, I was working with my hands people for many years as well. I love them.
I absolutely love them because it's a no bullshit zone.
You ever worked with people like this? And I won't call them Neanderthals because I think their wisdom outstrips that of most intellectuals.
But I loved working with them because I'd get racked up with all these massive philosophical questions and I'd go to someone and, hey, man, what's going on in your head, man? You look kind of intense. I'm like, I don't know.
It's like, well, this is bullshit. Like, who cares?
And they couldn't sit there and say, well, there's no hypothesis.
It's just like, eh, who cares? Just a bunch of, eh.
What does that have to do with anything? How's that going to change anything you do? It's like, you know, that's a really good...
It's a really good point. You learn more philosophy from manual laborers than you do from all the professors stacked from here to the star. Beetlejuice.

[30:03] And I'd like to as well. As I read this today, it's just a complete by the by while we're on the subject of astronomy, which means while it's popping through my brain like a comet.
If you have a speck of dust, like a dust mote, you're talking to someone and between you is a dust mote.
If that dust mote is the earth and your face is the sun, the closest star is 3000 miles away.
Like if this is the earth, right? This is the earth, like maybe foot and a half, two foot from your face. That's the earth, the sun.
The closest star is 3,000 miles away. Isn't that wild?
Like the silence of these infinite spaces terrifies me, according to Blaise Pascal's pensées, thoughts.
The size of the universe is something that I can kind of go a little bit in my brain, but there's so much nothing there.
I mean, the stars are further spaced in the universe than rational arguments in the mainstream media.

Criticism of Universal Morality

[31:01] It's crazy. Crazy. Absolutely crazy.

[31:06] All right. I did, somebody was asking me a question. Did I cleverly write it down?
Ah, yes. And if you have any tips to ensure prompt service, T-I-P-S, if you have any tips, I would...
Jared says, the last year was the first time I felt free to let my intelligence roar as full tilt. 26 years of driving a Lamborghini mind in a school zone, yeah.

[31:35] Crazy.

[31:42] Somebody says, I've got a question for later. Well, he said that before, but I'm reading it now. So it was later now or is now later?
Or is later later? And now is now.
Wait, hard hat in my head says, answer the question. So he says, should you still confront parents if you don't think they'll understand, or just cut them off.
I've got very, quote, agreeable parents.

[32:18] It's a good question. Now, as a philosopher, of course, this is not specific to parents.
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Should you confront your parents if you don't think they'll understand?

[33:47] Are you saying that your parents mistreated you, but you don't think they'll understand that they mistreated you?
I don't need a big... I want to make sure I get the context here when you say, if you don't think they'll understand.
I mean, should you confront them in Klingon? Well, they don't understand Klingon.
Well, I would suggest not, although Klingon would be a good language for it, certainly better than Elvish.
Do you mean that your parents won't understand that they did you any harm, that they did you any wrong?
I'm not sure what you mean. So while that guy's asking that, the great Dave says, Are so-called sob stories on shows like American Idol positive because they encourage people to not repress their emotions?
Are there sob stories on American Idol?
I don't know what that means. You mean the backstories for the singers, like pictures of them as a kid, and they got their first paper route at 11, and their brother got leukemia when they were 14? Like, you mean those kinds of things?
I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry.
All right. That guy may not be here. So I will plow on. We'll see if we don't.
Should you still confront your parents if you don't think they'll understand, or just cut them off? I've got very agreeable parents. Well, I don't.

[35:07] Oh, how do you know who do you love?
So how do you know? How do you know they don't understand?
It's like when people say, I mean, you've heard this a million times on my call-in shows.
I just had one the other night, a guy whose mother was from, whose mother's family was from Transylvania and all her friends were witches.

[35:38] Yeah, that was, uh, he was actually making jokes about being Norman Bates because he slept in the bed his mother died in. Anyway, so we went to that.
Oh, the backstories for the singer. Yeah, I don't, not to repress their emotions.
I don't know what that means.
I don't know the relationship. Sob stories, they're just to get you a personal connection with the singer, which means you're a lot more likely.
So the reason that they do these backstories on American Idol is so you get more of a personal connection to the singer.
You have someone to root for it. They do it in sports as well sometimes. times.
And so you'll be more likely to see if your singer wins, which means you'll be more likely to stay around for the ads, which means American Idol can make more money. So I don't know.
It's there for purely economic reasons, as is just about everything on television that isn't related to programming you to self-hatred.
So in my call-in shows, people will always, I'd say, well, why did your parents do this? So why did your sister do that?
And they'll say, well, no. And I'll say, say, yeah, you do.
Yeah, you do. And, and Hey, quick question, quick question.
When people say, I don't know. And then I say, yeah, you do. What always happens?

[36:44] What always happens? Oh, look, the answer comes out. So people who say they don't know, I don't understand, I'm not following you.
How do you know? How do you know they're telling the truth? So if your parents say lied to you or abused you, then they're kind of liars and kind of abusers.
So then if you say, I want to talk to you about the lying and the abuse, and they say, didn't happen, I don't understand.
Well, they're liars and they're abusers. So abusers will choose their own pleasure at your expense.
They won't choose their own pleasure over your pleasure. They'll choose their own pleasure at your expense because it generally makes them feel better to make you feel worse.

[37:27] It generally makes them feel better to make you feel worse.
So if you approach, and I just did a chapter in Peaceful Parenting on this, if you approach parents with a need, like one of the things that evil people do, or immoral people do, is they provoke a need or know of a need and then deny you that need, right?
So if someone kidnaps you, they know you want to be free. They know you don't want to be kidnapped.
They know that people don't want you to be kidnapped or killed.
And so they'll kidnap you and hold you for ransom or something like that, right?
So because you have a need to be free, people will restrict your freedom.
And then if you give them money, they'll let you have that freedom back.
They know that you want freedom.
So they will deny your need in order to get what they want.

[38:16] So if you've got liars and abusers, and then you confront them on their lies and abuse and they say I don't understand, I don't remember it never happened, this doesn't make any sense to me no hablo anglaise and so on, right, they start switching into fluent German Peter geht an, sind sie ich übergeige, rüde ich komme right, I mean, I don't know why that came with a fake Spanish accent, but like if they just, How on earth would you ever know whether they do or don't know?
How would you ever know if they do or don't know?
Have you ever gone down the literal lower intestine rat's maze of a liar's mind?
Have you ever tried to follow people into that shining frozen maze?
You ever gone down that road? Jeez, what a nightmare.
You end up like, I don't know which way is up. up, the story keeps changing and so on. Right.
I had a, I had a caller, I think it was last year that it was a call in.
I mean, she just, and that was my fault. Right. But I just, I thought I could find a way back out, but we went into the sort of rat's maze of her mind and there was just no way out, like every story kept changing, every definition kept changing. And, uh, yeah.

[39:41] So if you've ever gone down that rabbit hole where, and this happens a lot in debates, right?
Definition, there's a sort of famous, there was a famous debate, I guess, between Jordan Peterson and was it Sam Harris about the nature of reality?
They couldn't agree on any terms. They'd say, oh my God, like, forget it. Forget it.
Forget it. It's like the rabbit hole in Alice. Alice in Wonderland.
Well, I mean, that guy was a pedophile and child abuser, right? The guy who wrote that.
So yeah, Alice in Wonderland has always a story that I just find extremely disturbing.
It's a deeply horrible story that I've always recoiled from, even when I was a kid, like that in Pinocchio.
It's just appalling. calling.
Yeah, it's all the fog and the redefinitions and all that kind of stuff.

[40:47] Yeah, I think he's actually abused his niece, the writer of Alice in Wonderland, or something like that.
You can go look it up, but yeah, he was definitely a creep and a half, which is why it's all about dismantling reality and everything's unreal and up is down and black black is white and nothing is true.
It's just a, it's, it's a grooming book in my humble opinion.
So it's a way of dismantling reality, right?

[41:17] Uh, let me just, let me just double check this.

The Dark Truth Unveiled

[41:28] Ah, yes, this is from December 11th, 2019.
Alice in Wonderland author was a pedophile, new documentary claims.
The author of Alice in Wonderland was a pedophile who took disturbing naked images of children, according to a new BBC documentary on the writer.
The crew uncovered full frontal naked photographs of the sister of Alice Liddell, who inspired Lewis Carroll, real name Charles Dodgson.
To which no parent would have ever consented to. That's the quote, right?
York University academic and Alice in Wonderland expert Hugh Horton said, quote, it will certainly make it harder for those who believe that Carroll's interest in little girls was totally innocent.
Speculation about the lifelong bachelor's close friendships with children has simmered for decades.
Darchton had many child friends and loved taking pictures of young girls. Oof.
Speaking to the program itself, author Will Self said, Dodgson himself, I think, was a heavily repressed pedophile, without a doubt.
So, yeah, he was an absolute creep and a half. Creep and a half.

Confrontation Dilemma

[42:52] So let's see here like the definition of racism is distorted so much oh yeah it's constantly well it's it's um it's it's a weapon not a complaint right, so uh should you still confront your parents if you don't think they'll understand well Here's the problem.
If you say, well, I'm not going to confront people who do me harm because if they play dumb, I won't pursue it. Well, the problem is then you are rewarding people for doing harm and playing dumb because you're not holding them to account.

[43:38] The first question I ask is the universal question.
This is a philosophy thing, right? So the first question that I'll ask is the question of universality, right? The question of universality.

[43:52] So the question of universality is, should you criticize people if it's possible that they don't understand your criticism, well is that how your parents parented you so if there was some possibility that you didn't understand the criticism that your parents had of you or of your behavior or of what you did if you genuinely weren't sure that what you did was wrong or would they still punish you, now if your parents when you were a child would punish you even when you didn't really understand what was going on or why it was wrong or why it was bad or whatever, right?

[44:29] I mean, if you said something that embarrassed your parents, like there's some fat person around that you say, why is that person so fat loudly?
And your parents are like, shh, that's so embarrassing. Like, well, you didn't, you didn't understand what was wrong.
Did they still provide you negative feedback or punish or, or say negative things to you and about you just when you didn't understand what the problem was?
Well, then they can't complain when you do the same.
How do I participate in the live streams?
Well, if you look on the screen down there, right underneath your name, you've typed.
And if you've typed, you can ask me questions. I will then answer.
Sorry, that was mildly snarky. Ah, well, what the heck. We'll survive.
We will survive the snark.
We will.
Survive the snark. Somehow. Somehow.

[45:26] Somewhere. All right.

[45:32] So if you say your parents can't understand empathy, morality, good behavior, bad behavior, if they don't understand that you might have an issue with how they behaved, then either they have brain tumors or significant tissue damage to the brain, or they're lying.
Oh, you want to talk to me? Oh, okay, sorry, they don't have this on this platform.
You can join the Telegram.
I'll give you the, here, you can join the Telegram, and the Telegram will do that for you.

[46:24] Yeah, somebody can give the Telegram link. By the by, if you want to join the Premium Telegram, also, you can do this here.
But yeah, if somebody could point out the Telegram thing, that would be great.
Telegram is good for that. Telegram is good for that.
So it's funny because when you i mean if if i literally couldn't have call-in shows i couldn't have call-in and sorry david i apologize for being snarky because i didn't realize you meant to call in yeah there's no call-in on this platform they think they're They're working on it, but nothing yet.
So I couldn't have call-in shows if I don't know was a valid answer, right?
Right. So I couldn't do call-in shows if people saying I don't know was something I was willing to accept.
So at the beginning of call-in shows, one of the things that I had to determine in my mind was how am I going to handle it when people say they don't know?

[47:34] I don't know. I don't remember. I don't recall.
I got no memory of anything at all. So when people say, I don't know, what am I supposed to say? Okay, well, we'll just have to move on.
So my conjecture, my hypothesis going into the call-in shows, lo, those 18 years ago, was, okay, people do know.
They absolutely know. They do know. And so when people would say, I don't know, I would say, yes, you do. And there's empirical reasons for that.
If you, you know, a lot of people calling in like 30 years old or whatever, they spent a quarter of a century conscious around their family members, right? So five to 30, right?
25 years, they've been 25 years, they've been around their family members, conscious thinking, evaluating, analyzing their inner philosophy, self-knowledge and all that kind of stuff, right?
So if you can't figure out anything about people after 25 years of exposure, there's no such thing as knowing anyone ever, right?
You can't know anything about anyone ever if, after 25 years of close observation, you have no idea why people are doing what they're doing.
Then human intimacy is completely impossible.

[48:44] No, you're right. And, of course, if there's something in particular that you want to talk about, call in at
Call in at you can email me there and we can do a call-in bonus points for being on the other side of the world because then it takes forever to sort out the time but it can be done so you can just email me i just include your skype id and what it is you want to talk about i'll contact you in skype we'll set up a time to talk and then we shall talk you don't have to be in line with everyone else, yeah i've been having these like crazy long call-in shows lately two and a half hours plus but a lot of stuff to uh a lot of stuff to walk about to talk about.

[49:37] It's the only time i've ever been unwarrantedly snarky in my entire life never happened before aren't you glad to have been here for the one time only show of unwarranted snarkiness so, people say I don't understand I don't remember it's not how it happened they say that to stall and stop the conversation, right so if you're calling out your parents for bad behavior or anyone for that matter you're calling out someone for bad behavior and that person says well I don't understand I don't remember it doesn't make any sense to me that's not how right if the moment somebody, responds to something you're saying with a conversation ender, they absolutely know they're just being defensive.

[50:32] Uh, is this the, this, the person we've got some feedback, right?
So if, uh, if my wife says to me, Hey, do you remember that time we did X, Y, and Z? And I'm like, no, that never happened.
Wouldn't that be kind of weird? Or I don't understand the question or this doesn't make any sense to me.
Or like, that would be kind of weird. I'd be like, I don't, can you tell me a little bit more?
And then usually she'll say a couple of more things. i'm like oh yeah i pretend i pretend to remember because it's meaningful to her no i'm kidding right but so i like oh yeah oh that's right so if someone is trying to tell you something and you don't remember or you don't have any particular consciousness of the details it's not triggering any flood of memories in you or something what you normally do if you're saying normal human beings you'd say oh well tell me more or help me understand or right but if you just say i don't understand this doesn't make any sense to me that's not how it happened you're making things up that's defensive because if somebody's trying to explain something to you and you don't remember but you don't understand, you'll simply ask more questions in a neutral and open fashion, so that you can understand, if that makes sense.

[51:40] So when people respond to criticism with fog, it's because they don't want the criticism, right?
Like, I mean, if somebody said to me, I have a criticism of UPB, and they just started talking and I said, no, wrong already.
I don't want to talk to you. it doesn't make any sense right i mean i've listened to criticism now if somebody misstates upb right at the beginning i will interrupt them because there's no point them continuing if they're heading off in the wrong direction right i mean if you're walking with a friend and you want to get to vegas and you walk to the opposite you walk the opposite way of vegas is your friend supposed to wait until like four hours to say oh yeah no we've totally been going in the wrong direction be like why didn't you tell me we started going in the wrong direction but if i i just you know got got angry and upset and hostile when somebody had a criticism of upb rather than asking you if their criticism making sure i understand the terms and having a good debate that would be defensive right so he wrote i think this is the same guy so in clarification from the question or the issue i don't think my parents will understand he says i confronted them and they apologized which i rejected saying they need to think about the things i said for much longer and demonstrate change for us to have any meaningful relationship in the future.
They pretty much buried the whole ordeal. My question might better be stated, is it worth confronting them further?

[53:08] I, in my life now, I've had multiple confrontations in the past.
I think I talked to my mom three times or something like certainly twice, maybe three times. It's a bit hazy now.
It's been like a quarter century or whatever, but I don't do more than one confrontation now.
I don't, I don't. For the simple reason that if somebody knows that I'm upset, that one of the ways that they can perform restitution is to pursue the topic after I've dropped it, right?
So, you know, if I have a conflict with someone, it's not common, but if I have a conflict with someone and then they say the next day, you know, they call me up and say, oh, or talk to me and say, oh, how are you doing with that conflict we had?
Or have you had any any further thoughts or is there anything else that we can talk about regarding that that challenge or that issue that you had then i know that their brain is still cooking and they care about the relationship right and that's a good thing and that's a good thing good thing right.

[54:24] So i certainly it's been my position for probably the last i don't know know, 15 years, probably that I will have a confrontation.
And if the person doesn't behave perfectly as nobody does, right.
But if the person doesn't behave perfectly, myself included, then they'll return to the topic and so on.
Like if I've said something that was upsetting to someone, I'll apologize.
And then I will also check with them later.
Um, did you have any more thoughts about what I said? Or, you know, I'm sorry again, is there anything else that we can can talk about with regards to this thing that I said that was kind of insensitive or whatever, then they know that it's still cooking in my brain.
That relationship means something, really means something to me, and I want to make it right, and all this, that, and the other.
So the big question to me would be, okay, so let's say, and you can tell me this, how long ago did you confront your parents?
When did this happen? How long ago was it that you confronted your parents, right?
Now, if it was quite some time ago, and by that I mean weeks or months.

[55:40] Then they haven't brought the topic up. So they know you're upset about something.
They faked a lack of knowledge. And, you know, maybe they were defensive and just kind of, oh, this is someone else, right? So have they circled back?

[55:58] Have they circled back and asked you how you're doing, right?
Of course, right? right?
I mean, have you ever had it where you have a complaint, some organization, you have a complaint, and they'll usually try and follow up and say, was your complaint resolved successfully, right?
So you got a problem with some provider, you call them up, you go through the process, and usually you'll get an email, right?
How we did, was this resolved to your satisfaction?
If there's anything else we can do, that kind of stuff. And that's just some, I don't know, ISP pee or something like that with your own parents, you say, I've got a big issue.
I got a big issue.
And if they don't circle back, they don't care. I mean, I wish I could put it a different way.
So he says a month ago now, and the confrontation happened as a result of them ignoring an explosive confrontation that happened two weeks prior.
Okay, so for a month, they haven't said anything to you about two confrontations that have happened.
So they ignored the explosive confrontation and they explored the less explosive or more quote reasonable, I don't mean quote reasonable, but more reasonable confrontation.
So the explosive one and the reasonable one have both been rejected, right?

[57:21] All I want to say is that they don't really care about us. So yeah, I'm sorry, like they don't care.

[57:30] Now, you could say, well, but they do care, but they care more about their own comfort and their own comfort. Then they don't care.
They don't care. That's all there is to it. It's not more complicated than that.
They don't care. Because they know that you're desperate for them to address the issues that you brought up, and they won't do it. They don't care.
No, but they do. They're just as difficult for them, and they've got this resistance. They don't care.
We can try and read their minds as much as humanly possible. I don't care.
Reading minds is superstition.
Reading minds is mysticism. Reading minds, to me, and I'm not accusing anyone here of doing that, I'm just saying that for me, in the abstract, reading minds is a mental illness.
Mind reading is bizarre grandiosity that says that you can get to the root of other people's thinking and feeling and motivations and make up something in the complete opposite of empirical evidence.
Right? This is like, it's the same as the woman whose boyfriend beats her half to death and she's like, but he loves me deep down.
He just has difficulty expressing it. He just tends at work.

[58:59] No, he's a sadist He enjoys beating you How do we know? Because he keeps doing it.

[59:11] If your parents locked a dog in the basement with no food and water, and the dog was whining and scratching and barking and begging for food and water because the dog was dying, and your parents just sat outside the door to the basement listening to the fading scratches of the dying dog, having tea with each other and ignoring what was happening, would you say, well, but they really want to help that dog deep down.
It's just that, you know, they have a resistance to it, and I'm sure they're going to get around to it, and then the dog dies, and you're like, no, but they really wanted to help the dog. It's like, no, did they help the dog?
Life is so much simpler when we don't enter the truly psychotic world of mind reading, and creating motivations for which there's not only no evidence, there's massive counter-evidence.

[1:00:09] Well this guy keeps heading north but I'm just going to make up a motivation that he really wants to head south but he's got some X factor that's just making him head north but he really wants to head south, my parents really care about me now they know I'm in complete agony desperate for them to address the situation they just keep ignoring it putting the entire onus upon me and then they fog and reject me when I bring it up but they really care about me it's like no they don't, Joe Friday, homicide just the facts ma'am just the facts just the facts, boom, just the facts it's so much simpler, just the facts, what are the facts the facts are your parents know that you're desperate to talk about something, it's desperately important to you and not talking about it is agony for you and they won't talk about it, Yeah.

[1:01:18] Is they don't care just as much mind reading as they actually care deep down?
No? What are you talking about? Dude.
I don't mean to be overly impatient with you guys because I'm very happy that you're here. I just made a whole case for this. Right?
What was my case for they don't care? Because you're desperate for them to talk about something.
You've repeatedly told them you're desperate for them to talk about something.

Grasping Reality

[1:01:44] They won't talk about it with you. They reject it when you bring it up, which means they don't care about you.

[1:02:00] Thanks, yeah, I get that. The guy with the parents says, you write good analysis.
Ah, but they're conflicted. How do you know?
If my wife says every day that she's desperate for any sign of physical affection and I just walk past her and don't even acknowledge her presence.
And this goes on for months. My wife every morning saying, I just want to hug, just hold my hand to any sign of physical affection.
I completely ignore her and walk out of the room every time.
Do I care about her? Nope.
Nope. Because I'm denying her legitimate needs and wants.
Oh no but deep deep down you really do want to give her a hug but there's a weird it's like you don't know any of that what do you mean deep down i really want to give her a hug just all you can do is judge my actions by their deeds shall you know them do you never did you never get this i mean maybe if you're raised not religious you're heathen but by by their deeds shall you know them, you want to know what someone is look at what they do I don't care about anything else why would I.

[1:03:19] Why would I care about people's secret hidden compartments of opposite motivation, when I have empirical actions by which to judge them?
Well, it's true that that guy did kill that woman, but he loves her deep down.
What? No, he hates her. He destroyed her. He killed her. Ended her life.
He unalived her. Probably added her social security card to his box of trophies.
This secret motivations that is the opposite of all empirical evidence is a fantasy card played by the over-traumatized.
I mean, the complication is my father might die soon. He claims to want a relationship with me, but only wants to talk about the weather and such.
I'm ready to cut him off, but the timing is bad, perhaps unavoidable.

[1:04:23] So your concern is and i understand this concern your concern is that, if your father dies you won't have any access to his true self there's no point having access to a false self there's no such thing as having access to a false self or a shallow self or a nothing burger self or let's talk about the weather and sports and shit self that's not a self, that's an avoidance of depth. That's an avoidance of interaction.
That's an avoidance of personality and connection and love.
So you're concerned that if your father dies, you won't have any access to his true self. Well, do you have any access to his true self now? What's the difference?

[1:05:09] We talk about nothing. Whether he's north of the grave or south of the grave, you talk about nothing.
I'm not saying it doesn't matter. I'm sorry that he's dying. It's a great tragedy.
But you understand that people who don't change when they're dying, can be a great relief to you if you look at it accurately.
I mean, a couple of years ago, my father died.
Did he ever address the issues that I damn well told him about many, many, many years before on more than one occasion?
Or did he just die?
Did he just die?
He just died.
So he ignored the issues that I brought up with him on more than one occasion many years before.
He continued to ignore those issues for probably close to 25 to 30 years.

[1:06:29] So he was not addressing any of my issues, whether he was alive or dead.
He was ignoring and rejecting me whether he was alive or dead.
In fact, he's now no longer responsible for ignoring and avoiding me.
He's no longer responsible for not responding to my issues.
So the criticisms that I had, the problems that I had.
So encroaching death wasn't enough for my father, to wake up to me.
Now, again, it's a very great tragedy and it's very, very sad, but the grim reality, the factual reality was if death couldn't make my father recognize me.

[1:07:36] Then there's no way I was going to be able to do it. Does this make some kind of sense?
If death couldn't get my father to respond to my requests, if the approaching death, if his approaching death couldn't get my father to respond to my issues, my criticisms, then clearly, since it's almost impossible to have more effect on someone than their imminent death, right? Because of that, I had no chance whatsoever of getting him to address my issues because even death himself could not get him to do that.
Help me. I don't know because it's obviously quite a complicated structure in my brain and I'm trying to sort of boil it down to its communicable essence.
So tell me if this sort of makes sense.

[1:08:33] Not changing when you're dying is something I never thought of. That's powerful. It is.
Imminent death is not enough to get someone to change.
Well, if imminent death ain't going to do it, that's really bad news.
The good news is you had absolutely zero chance.
You had absolutely zero chance. And my father wrote a whole autobiography about his life.
All the things he did, all the places he went, all the people he knew.
He wrote an entire biography. He had all this time to think back on his life, the family history, and the tree, and his life, and this, and that, and the other.
I think I got a paragraph and a half. Sorry, I don't mean to laugh, because, you know, whatever, right?
I think I got a paragraph. And this was after my show, and this was really when my show was in its heyday, right?
So he would have known about that. He would have heard about my prominence, right?
This is back when I was doing 10 million views and downloads a month.

[1:09:39] At by far the biggest philosophy conversation the world has ever seen or experienced.
By far the biggest philosophy conversation the world has ever seen or experienced.
And there was nothing.
But he did have a page and a half on a guy he met in Chile once.
See, that guy in Chile was really important to daddy.

[1:10:12] My stellar achievements, my novels, my plays, my poems.
Oh, he was also pleased that I had a graduate degree. Very important to have a good graduate degree. Good education.
Nothing really about my business career, really nothing. I think, but the guy he met in Chile who ran a llama farm, that guy got some column inches, man. That guy was huge.
Now, it's funny because while I still get a vague 1% tinge of bitterness in my heart of hearts, it also is a huge relief.
Like, thank goodness I didn't chase that relationship down to the black hole of nothingness.
Thank goodness I didn't waste time on that.

[1:11:11] What did he mention in the paragraph and a half? Oh, he mentioned that I went to theater school, that I did some business.
I co-founded a business with my brother that, you know, like little things. I got a graduate degree.
I think he mentioned that I got married.
I had, it's been a long time since I read it.
And I doubt I'll ever read it again, because it's like, okay, so this is, thank goodness, thank absolute goodness that I did not, waste time trying to pursue this.
Gosh, that would have just been, that would have been taking my heart and just elbowing it into a cheese grater every time.

Lessons from Imminent Death

[1:12:15] I mean, I won't get into any particular details, but my father got back into the sport.
When he was older, he got back into the sport that he pursued in his university days.
He got back into that sport and was very keen on practicing that sport for many hours a week.
So he got lots of time for a fairly useless sport, not a cheap sport either by the way but he had time for all of that no time to jot me a note saying you know we never really did finish that conversation you started 30 years ago we never really did, it wasn't squash no it's not a good I don't think it's super wise in my humble opinion to do a lot of squash when you're elderly.
Squash is pretty tough on the bodies, right? It's pretty tough on the heart.

[1:13:24] So, of course, you know, I was a bit shocked when my father died and I was certainly sad, but not much. Not much.
Because whether he's here in the world or not, I have no access to him anyway right, whether he's I mean obviously it matters to his family and friends and so on I get that and I'm not totally disagreeing with that or anything like that but as far as I went, what is I mean again I'm just back to that empiricism what is the practical difference to me, what's the practical difference to me.

[1:14:16] Now, if I had magical thinking, if I had magical thinking, then I could have tormented myself with the following.
And the following would be, well, you see, I should have tried a different approach.
I should have tried learning Afrikaans. I should have tried, maybe I could do it through ESL.
Maybe I could have done Morse code. Maybe I could have done a pantomime, abstract, modern dance elegy to our former ability to communicate.
I could have done something. I could have picked this lock. I could have broken through. I could have taken a different approach.
I could have done X, Y, and Z, or A, B, and C, or some interdimensional time shift of genuine communication.
I could have done all of that. But because I didn't like your relationship, it's like, no, it's not my job to run my relationship with my parents.
It's not my job. It's their job.
That doesn't mean I can't participate. It doesn't mean I can't respond.
It doesn't mean I can't have my own ideas.

[1:15:19] But that's not my job. Now, in my relationship with my wife, in my relationship with you, the audience, that's a different matter.
But your parents, you can't manage that. But you ever have this, like, you've got a boss. You can't manage upwards.
Your boss is your boss, right? And parents are your boss. Parents are your bosses.
I don't manage upwards.
Sorry, I'm not sure if people are. I'm getting lots of people typing, but I don't see anything.
What I don't see is no tips. I do see it. What I do see is no tips.
So if you can, slash donate.
To help out the show, I would really, really appreciate that.
Of course, you can tip on the app as well. Well, can you get anyone to discuss actual ideas? Why, yes. Yes, I can.
Yes, I can. Yeah, maybe working class is a good way to talk about what I was talking about earlier.

[1:16:11] So, yeah, there's the empiricism. There's the empiricism.
I had no access to my father's heart when he was alive. Now that he's dead, I have no access to my father's heart.
I wasn't waiting to have access to my father's heart. I was not at all surprised when he died without contacting me or seeing how I was doing.
I was not surprised that nobody...

[1:16:36] Contacted me from my past when I had very publicly had cancer and so on.
So thanks for the insight.

[1:16:48] That's $3 worth of thanks. All right. Okay. I appreciate that.
Jared says, sounds like my mom. She got so good at reading minds, she started talking to trees.
So here's why you don't want to read minds. I mean, you don't want to read minds because you can't. You also don't want to read minds because you can have a fantasy relationship that has no bearing to what people are actually doing.
But the other thing is you don't want to read minds because you don't want to pretend you're having a relationship with someone when you're only having a relationship to your own fracked up fantasies.
You don't want to pretend you're having a relationship with someone when you're only having a quote relationship to your own fracked up fantasies.

[1:17:25] Oh, there's a hidden germ of goodness in all of this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you know, he, he means well.
And you hear this all the time. Well, we did the best we could with the knowledge we had. Oh, she means well.
Oh, that's just her being her and like just making up all of these things.
Well, you know, although he beats you, he loves you deep down.
He's very passionate about you and all of this, right?
I mean, I remember when I was 13 years old, my mother forgot my birthday.
Now, of course, it was just me and my mother at this point. My brother had gone to England for many years and nobody ever called me from that side of the family despite the fact that they knew they were leaving me alone with a woman who was losing her mind and very violent. Everybody knew that.
So nobody ever called me for the years and years that my brother was still in England.
I was just left to manage my mother's madness all by my lonesome, which, you know, did not endear me massively to that side of the family because I grew up with these people, spent summers with them, particularly in Ireland.
They knew me very well, but I was just gone, baby, gone. So.

[1:18:24] You don't want to create opposite land wherein you can get what you want despite never getting what you want.
I mean, if you hire a chef for your restaurant and he makes shitty meals that your customers hate, do you sit there and say, well, he really wants to make good meals. He has the best of intentions.
Well, I can't fire him because he's going to turn around any day, even though it's been five years and he keeps making shitty meals and you can't criticize him at all.
He thinks the meals are fantastic. Like, you know, the Gordon Ramsay thing, but there's some restaurant that's going tits up and, uh, they're all, all the cooks and the managers are like, well, people love her meals.
They love her food. They're blah, blah, blah. It's like, well, then why are you going out of business?

Fantasy vs. Reality

[1:19:21] You make shitty meals. You're fired. You make shitty meals.
Here's what you need to do. No, my meals are great. Okay, you're fired because you're not even going to. There is a problem. You won't admit there's a problem. You're fired.
I mean, am I that? Is it that? Is it that complicated?
It's not that complicated. just be an empiricist who are people how they act to be on, creating hidden opposite motivations is putting a projected fantasy ghost in someone that somehow is supposed to do the opposite of what they actually do.

[1:20:05] Oh my mother loves me deep down it's like No, she doesn't.
No, she doesn't. She may have some sentimentality. She may get misty-eyed thinking about me as a kid or whatever, but she doesn't love me.
Because you don't hurt, harm, and beat those who you love, and you don't then reject the reality that you did those things when they bring these things up.
That's not love.
That's not love.

[1:20:43] Now, with due respect to our good friends the Christians, this has a little something to do with the belief in the soul, like the eternal goodness that can't be erased or destroyed within the individual.
Right. This has something to do with the belief in the soul.
Because in the christian it's a lot of religious paradigms but in the christian paradigm the most awful person has a soul that has gives them the capacity for virtue, no matter what their soul can always be saved they can always turn things around you can be raskolnikov an outright double murderer of the innocent and you can find god and be reformed.

[1:21:40] Don't do it.
I'm not saying, don't create fantasy people, layer them over real people, and think you're doing anything other than rejecting who they are.
Don't be in relationships with people where you have to reject who they empirically are.
Now, that doesn't mean be perfect. It doesn't mean never make it.
Don't be in relationships with people People where you have to have a hand puppet you hold up in front of them that says the opposite of what they say and does the opposite of what they do. That's not a relationship.

The Ultimate Relationship Test

[1:22:28] Six words.
Six words. Six words. You want the ultimate test of whether you should be in a relationship? Six words, that's all it is. slash donate is where you can find all of the donation information. slash donate, and I really appreciate that, thank you. Six words.
Six words to know if you should be in a relationship with a friend, with a boss, with an employee, with a husband, with a wife.
Six words, all you need, six words to absolutely, completely and totally clarify your life.
Am I allowed to disagree?

[1:23:36] Is my life better with them? No, because you could be exploiting that person.
No, so the way that you figure out if you should be in a relationship or not is, do I like what they do?
Do I like what they do? Do I like what they do? Not what they think, what they say, they project. Do I like what they do?
Do I like what they do? Not what they say, not what they think, not what they claim, not what other people say about them, not how they look, not whether they have good butt or whatever. Do I like what they do?
My wife is reliable, kind, on time, helpful, positive. Do I like what they do?
Maybe God can see the soul. All we have are the actions.
Do I like what they do?

[1:24:44] I mean, Jared and James, here are the call. Appreciate it. Do you like what I do? Not what I say or this. Do I like what I do? What I actually do?
I hope so. I mean, we've been talking and working together for years?
Not intentions, not wishes, not fantasies, not what you'd like, not what you want, not what could happen, not what their possible past, hidden, invisible intentions might. Do you like what they do?

[1:25:20] You go over to your parents' house. You're an adult. You go over to your parents' house. Do you like what they do?
So you're interacting with some woman some man you maybe you can go on a date do you like what they do not what they say not what they might do not the games they might be playing do you like what they do, man looketh on the outward appearance but the lord looketh on the heart let the Lord look into the heart you look at what they do.

[1:26:04] Do I have the intention of doing good philosophy or do I do good philosophy, if I was doing the opposite of good philosophy would you still be here thinking well deep in his heart he wants to do the opposite of what he's doing which is currently the opposite of philosophy so deep down he's a great philosopher like that's just brain twisted nonsense nonsense.
Demand empirical proof of good and virtuous behavior and settle for absolutely nothing less.
Nothing, nothing else, nothing less.
Be the body. Does the body care about what you intend to eat or does the body only process what you do eat?
Do your muscles care about whether you intend to exercise or do they only process whether you do exercise?
Yeah, his heart's in in the right place. How do you know? Well, he really means to, he means to make you feel good.
He means to show, he just, he does real difficulty showing he cares about you.
What does that even mean?
If you say, Dad, I really want you to show more affection and he's still cold, well, he just doesn't know how. He's like, no, of course he does.
Do you know how simple the world would be and how virtuous the world would be, if people simply judged actions rather than intentions.

[1:27:28] Will men just have a fear of commitment? Nope. They just don't want to commit to you.
Yeah, James says, my body sure as heck cared about what I was eating and cares greatly about what I'm not eating these days.
Yeah, if you want to lose weight, you eat facefuls of candy, your body's like, well, I really don't care about your intentions, but I'm going to store all this sugar on your ass.
I'm going to turn that muffin into a muffin top. That's right.
Man boob jiggle time will follow the consumption of this carrot cake?

[1:28:06] Would you ever work for a place that say, well, you know, I intend to pay you.
I'd like to pay you. It sounds like my intention is to pay, but they just don't pay you.

[1:28:17] Can you eat a bad hunter's intention to bring home some food?
Well, I intended to feed my baby. Maybe I'm sure they can live on that intention.
Well, they can't. They'll die.

Intentions vs. Results

[1:28:32] That's why I avoid politics, because voting is based on intentions, not results.
Well, of course, because you can't take back your vote if you don't get the results, right?
I don't know why people focus so heavily on intentions.
Or, I mean, this is how people, this is the essence of manipulation, is listen to my words, not my, don't look at my deeds. Listen to my words, don't look at my deeds.
So the guy comes up, wants to sleep with the woman, he pretends a lot of affection, I love you, love bombs her, or the woman can do it with the man with sex, and the intention is, well, he said he loved me, but then he cheated on me.
Well, then he didn't love you.
Well, men want to commit, they just have this great fear of commitment. No, they don't.
Go look at someone's Steam library, their video game library, They've got 9,000 hours in fortnight. That's commitment.
Men commit to male friendships for decades. Male friendships tend to be a little less volatile than the ladies.

[1:29:37] Men commit all the time. Men commit to their jobs, their education.
No, no, I'm just going to create this fantasy that men have an inability to commit, commit, but just want to commit, but just for some magical reason, they don't.
That way, I don't have to change and say, well, why won't a man commit to me?
Why won't a man commit to you? Because he doesn't like what you do.

Relationships are Empirical

[1:30:12] Relationships are not projections, not fantasies, not claims.
Relationships are empirical.
You pay 500 bucks for an iPad, someone ships you an empty box and say, well, my intention was to put the iPad in. And you're like, yeah, that's great.
Hey, man, if it was your intention, I guess it's the same. Your intention to put the iPad in the box is pretty much the same as me getting the iPad. No, it's not.
It's really, really not. And you would never accept that in any economic relationship.

The Importance of Actions

[1:30:39] Intentions. Well, I intended to show up on time. Well, I intended to get that job done. Well, I intended to please that client. Well, I intended to finish that project.
Well, I intended to be at my desk. Well, I intended to do some typing.
Yes or no, did you or didn't you?
You get paid on whether your boss likes what you do. In fact, you get paid on whether the customers like what you do.
Some of my friends don't initiate conversations with me. Does that mean they're not real friends? Dave, you are the king of unanswerable questions. I don't know.
But usually friendship involves wanting to call people and initiate conversations with them.

[1:31:22] Do I like what they do? Because if you can take refuge, if you give people the get-out-of-jail-free card called intentions or magical opposite ghosts that you can attach to, you'll give that to yourself.
You'll give that to yourself.
If you give other people the excuse on opposite planet called intentions, every card you deal to others is a card you deal to yourself.
Everything you do to others is the foundation of how you treat yourself.

[1:32:08] If you want to get anything done in this life, you've got to take away the fairy godmother of intentions.
Oh, but it was my intention. Well, I meant to do this. Well, that's, hey, I'm sorry if I hurt you. That's not what I meant.
I didn't mean to. That wasn't my goal. That wasn't my intention.
That's not what this was supposed to be all about. What?
Which is closely aligned to it's your fault. It's your fault.
Well, I mean, I didn't say anything that offensive. If you got offended, that's on you. It's your fault.

Seeking Feedback and Support

[1:33:12] Are people going to love you for what you do about them?
Well, I don't know why I ended up fainting. I meant to eat for the last four days.
I didn't get around to it. I meant to eat. And your body's like, I don't care about your intentions.
Yeah, people will try and label others with autism nowadays if they don't find an offensive joke funny.
Oh, yeah, the autism thing has just gone way too far.
As far as everyone's, right, everyone with focus, concentration and attention to detail must be autistic.

[1:33:53] All right. Now tell me if you can, and I don't mean to overly complain.
We got a bunch of people on the stream.
And if you look at the total live tips, you can see, you know, I do have a business to run. So this has nothing to do with you.
Am I doing too many live streams? Are the topics not interesting? Are you broke?

[1:34:14] Because, you know, I've got bills to pay and all of that. So I'm happy to do other things.
If you prefer, I can take time and work more to finish the Peaceful parenting book quicker there's other things that i could do it could go to documentaries if you want but i'm just curious uh if you could tell me or maybe you've you're just here and you just happen to have donated recently or something like that while you're thinking of that yeah because i do have business to run and i guess i'm not doing i'm doing something that's not correct in terms of, generating support so if you can tell me why i would really appreciate it no no, there's no hostility, no negativity.
It's genuine, like need customer feedback. Cause I used to get pretty good donations on the live streams.
And, uh, this is not anything negative towards you. I just genuinely need to know, cause I need to make sure I'm providing value so that I can continue to pay my employees and, you know, exist as a functional show.
While you're doing that, somebody says I had a quote, close friend in college who hardly ever responded to my texts or invitations.
It was one of the lowest times of my life. My invitations were getting ghosted. So I cut him off.
A year later, he was wondering what happened and whining that I didn't want to hang out with him.
I tried to mind reading it first and just looking at his actions made me realize he wasn't a friend. Yeah.
Yeah. So a lot of times when people are getting their needs met in some other way, they don't need you.

[1:35:40] And then, if they do need you because maybe they're getting everything they need from from the girlfriend and then if they break up with the girlfriend and then suddenly they need something from their friends or they're depressed or whatever it is then yeah you can't just have friendships which are withdrawal based right i mean you've got to put something in the bank account you got to be there for other people if you want them to be there for you so thank you exist i appreciate that and this is i mean it's not necessarily a donation call but um it's not, It's not a sustainable business model, so I need to sort of figure something out.

Evaluating Live Stream Format

[1:36:20] And maybe it's just February is a tough month or something like that, but I don't want to just make up answers. I'd like to go to the source and get answers.
Tipton Freedom, thank you very much. I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

[1:36:35] But yeah, donations are pretty good for a while, and it's not sustainable at the moment.
I appreciate free engagement and call-ins are an option, but perhaps a tip could be made necessary to dedicate your time to answering questions such as mine.
Well, I appreciate that, but I don't want wisdom to be priced in that kind of way.
Because, you know, there are people who are kind of broken and looking for work and struggling in life, And in a sense, they may be the people who might benefit most from wisdom. So I hear what you're saying.
I don't charge for call-in shows because I've never wanted people to have to pay for that.

[1:37:19] Because the people who most need them are usually the people after the people who are.
I think your call-ins have been more shrill and judgmental lately, especially in regards to comments in chat. I would enjoy more classical philosophy discussion.
That's perfectly valid, and I appreciate that. I've been trying to be a little bit more honest and direct with some of my negative comments.
Maybe that's too much. That's a perfectly valid and fair feedback.
I think your calls have been more shrill and judgmental lately to comments.
Do you mean the live streams or the call-ins? Because these aren't calls.
So I just want to make sure I understand that.
I would enjoy a more classical philosophy discussion, right?
I mean, I'm trying to give people feedback like if they, to me, in my mind, the way I characterize it if a bunch of people come barging in and interrupt what I'm saying because they showed up on the live streams late.
I find that annoying. I've been trying to be more honest and frank about that kind of stuff.
But maybe it's alienating or negative for people, that level of directness.
So I'm perfectly happy to that.
Is it better to have the monthly payout to be recurring or as tips per show?

Community Call-Ins and Focus

[1:38:24] Well, whatever works best for you is fine with me.
Monthly is is a bit more predictable because then I can figure out what people, I can do more budgeting for the show if people have recurring monthly payments.
So that is something that's great.

[1:38:43] But let's see here. Well, like someone didn't follow the scam story yesterday and sort of called him out. That's just how things go on the internet.
That's just how things go on the the internet.
I'm not sure what that means. That's just how things go on the internet.

[1:39:02] Do you not think that, I mean, maybe I'm right and wrong about this and I'm happy to be corrected.
Do you not think that's kind of rude to, you know, like if you're at a movie and someone shows up late to the movie and then stands up, waves their arms in front of the movie and says, Whereas, I don't know what's going on. Can you explain it to me?
Wouldn't that be kind of entitled, a little selfish and kind of rude?
People are distracted, come in late, don't hear everything perfectly.

[1:39:35] I see, I don't know. I don't know.
People are distracted, come in late. See, that to me is a perfect example of what I'm talking about, which is you're making your mind reading.

[1:39:50] You're mind reading, you're saying, here's why people are distracted.
Now, of course, I did just say, you know, if you've come in late, I'm not going to start rereading the story from the beginning.
So if you could just be patient. Right. So I just I said that at the beginning.
And then when people kept asking and multiple people kept asking for, they kept making assumptions about the story that were wrong.
They kept asking questions that had already been answered.
So it wasn't just like one person said one thing. And I like, right.
I mean, so I don't don't people. I could be wrong.
I could absolutely be wrong, and I'm certainly happy to hear it, but do people not need that kind of feedback?

Addressing Mischaracterizations

[1:40:30] You have a yearly sub. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Thanks, Chris. I appreciate that.

[1:40:37] So somebody else says, and I appreciate that, hard to disagree on this.
I've gained a tremendous amount of respect from your call-ins.
It's my preferred format of your videos. I'm scouring the backlog of call-ins now. Yeah.
So it's interesting is that, and I think when you say, I think your live streams have been more shrill and judgmental lately, you do understand that's a bit of a UPB problem, right?
I'm not trying to be overly defensive. I'm just telling you my sort of thoughts about the matter.
Do you not think that shrill and judgmental is a judgmental statement?
So what you're saying is, Steph, I'm going to judge you negatively for judging negatively.
Do you not notice that that's a bit of a paradox? I'm just kind of curious.

[1:41:24] They might need it, but it might also hurt business. Right. Now, that's an interesting question online.
It's a fascinating question to me is, do I not tell the truth in order to get paid more?

[1:41:44] I don't know. I mean, I hear what you're saying. So if you're saying, well, if people are kind of being rude and interrupting the show, not just for me, but for others.
Because when see if i've got a bunch of people listening to a story and they've been following it all along and then someone come a bunch of people come in and ask questions about the story that's already been answered it distracts everyone from what i'm saying and then the show kind of fragments right because then they want to answer that question or don't they and then they stop listening and they try and look it up like you know what i mean like it's so i don't know this is an interesting question if lower donations come from me being more frank about things that annoy annoy me in the audience, is that a good reason to not be honest?

Handling Shrill Feedback

[1:42:23] That is a very interesting question, right?
I don't know the answer to that.

[1:42:31] Somebody says, I've never donated online ever, so it's a comfortable barrier for me. I have it on my list to let go of that. Big tip will be coming.
Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that. Somebody says, if I can 40 my chest way out of not listening the husband could have done more yesterday by having a joint bank account only with his wife not telling the truth may hurt business from the people who are here for the truth right see that that's the problem right so if i like bite my tongue and let people be kind of rude and interrupt what it is that i'm doing maybe they might tip more or.

[1:43:15] Yeah, so if somebody says, I love you, brother, but sometimes when people ask silly questions, you just laugh in their face.
You're an extremely smart guy, and I understand that you have to constantly deal with silly questions, but laughing in their face is pretty rude.
Now, I got to tell you, that's a language manipulation. I don't laugh in their face.
Because they're not here. It's not in their face. Like, that's a language manipulation.
Like, that's a way of asking, like the stab in the back. You stab them in the back. It's like, no, I don't. I don't laugh in their face. Like that's actually just a completely false statement.
Now I know you're using a colloquialism, but the fact is that is a colloquialism that escalates the language.
And I don't know what I mean. Silly questions. I don't know what that means.
I'm not sure what, if you can think of an example, I would appreciate that.
But I tend not to listen to people who escalate their language.
You just laugh in their face. It's like, um, I don't laugh in their face because their face isn't visible.
Their identity isn't visible. Their voice isn't visible.
So I don't know what laughing in their face means other than it's kind of an aggressive way of phrasing things that isn't even remotely accurate to what's happening.
And I don't know what you mean by silly questions.
I could be wrong, but I think people are here to learn philosophy and virtue, not being told they're being rude for asking a question.

[1:44:32] Let's see here. I think people are here to learn philosophy and virtue, not being told they're being rude for asking a question.
Now that's a manipulative statement as well, right? And I'm, you know what, okay, if this cost me donations, it cost me donations.
That's a manipulative statement.
And that's really annoying, by the way. Do you think that I'm telling people, that they're being rude for asking a question?
I mean, you've literally been on this live stream for how long now?
How long has this live stream been running for?

[1:45:05] How long is this live stream? Almost two hours. So this live stream has been running for two hours. People have asked me a whole bunch of questions.
Have I been rude to anyone who's asked me a question?
I mean, the whole point is to have questions asked of me so that I can answer them. That's why I do a live stream and I constantly invite questions.
Right? So do you think it's fair to characterize that I'm rude to people just for asking questions when I'm constantly soliciting questions and working my very hardest to answer them?
Is that a fair way to characterize what I did?

[1:45:43] They're being rude for asking a question.

Balancing Audience Engagement

[1:45:51] That's interesting is that is that i mean do other people like i mean when i say give me your your your criticisms your comments i will work my hardest to answer your questions and i've you know spent two hours working very very hard to answer people's questions and then somebody says well you just you're just rude to people for just for asking a question that's not what was happening it's not even close to what was it's a complete mischaracterization um i don't i'm not rude to people for asking questions you called me the great dave was that sarcastic i appreciate the compliment if not well you're great and that you keep coming back and i you know some of your questions are great so no it wasn't being sarcastic um but yeah so i mean just to to clarify i don't mean to engage with this this mischaracterization but just to clarify it's not that i'm rude to people for asking questions i'm rude to people who show up late and disrupt the the show by repeatedly asking questions that have already been answered, right?
Because either then my audience goes to answer those questions, which case they're no longer listening to me and I might as well wait until that's all done, or I go back and answer the questions, in which case I lose the thread of what I'm talking about.

[1:47:07] While I disagree with this impression, I did recommend your streams to a friend lately, and he said, didn't he fall off or something?
I saw a clip of him raging at chat or something like that. Yeah, I don't know what to make of that.
I don't know, I mean... Look, I mean, of course, everyone can find a clip.
I mean, I'm an animated speaker, and I'm a passionate speaker, so anyone can find a clip out of context where I'm shirtless and at the top of my lungs about something, right? So...
Uh, yeah, if people don't want any passion in their philosophy, then they can go and get AI to read Aristotle to them.

[1:47:49] So, I don't know, what is, didn't he fall off or something? Does that mean fall off the radar or something like that?
I don't know. Again, I don't really know what that, what that means.
I think that if I was doing something rude that was off-putting to other people and look, this is just me right I could be a little different this way if I was doing something rude that was off-putting to off-putting to other people it's not about the chat right it's not about what I'm trying to do is give people feedback that helps them have higher quality quality people in their lives.
If you come into somebody's live stream and you keep asking for explanations for things that have already been explained, that's kind of rude and disruptive, right? I mean, nobody would go, nobody would show up late to a university lecture and ask questions that have already been answered.
Do you hear what I like? Do you see like nobody? Have you ever had it where somebody comes into a movie in a theater and sits down and says, Hey, I missed the first 20 minutes. What's happening.
Has anyone ever done that?

[1:49:14] Have you ever been in a lecture, a university lecture or something, and someone comes in and loudly asks the class to explain the things that they missed?
Or starts a counter lecture that is irrelevant because it's already been answered.
But people come and go in the chat all the time.
Well, thank you, Jimmy, for stating the blindingly obvious. So what?
Chris says, honesty is critically important and welcome, especially when it's not comfortable. I'd rather you call me out, for example, rather than bite your tongue in the hopes of more tips. Right.
Right. And when I make a mistake, like I was a little bit snarky to the guy earlier, I sincerely apologize for all of that.
No one speaks in the theater totally different. If you ask for open questions, you're going to get some people who don't follow everything.
No, these are people who showed up late.
I like how you run things. I don't mind getting attacked if I were out of line.
What do you mean by attacked?

[1:50:15] So if I provide feedback to people and say they're being rude when they are being rude is that attacking them do I attack people I view attack as kind of verbal abuse out of nowhere to make myself feel better and make other people feel worse and so on right loves cook says yes it's annoying and wasting time for those who were already participating I think it is right now Now, what you could do, I mean, there's nothing wrong with this, right?
So what you could do if you show up late is you could say, does anybody have the article link, right?

Polite Call-In Etiquette

[1:50:50] I used the wrong word. Yes, but probably not by accident, right?
So if, or you could scroll back through the chat and say, has this been explained?
Oh, here's the article link, which was posted in the chat.
Oh, I'll go read the beginning of that so that I know what's going on.
It could be something like that, right?
Let's see here.
I showed up late for a live stream. I don't think that's how it works.
I didn't realize I had to be on time.
You don't, what are you talking about? You don't have to be on time.

[1:51:24] You don't have to, I don't understand. You don't have to be on time.
There's no punching. Nobody's getting paid. You don't, you don't have to be on time.
But if you do show up late, it's kind of rude to repeatedly make comments that are the opposite of what's been said, right? So somebody was saying, I can't remember who, somebody was saying like, well, her husband should have done X, Y, and Z.
And it was already explained multiple times earlier in the show that the woman who was being scammed was told and accepted that she couldn't tell her husband.

[1:51:59] She was told by the scam artist and she accepted this, that she couldn't tell her husband what was going on.
So when people come in and say, oh, the husband should have done this, or why didn't the husband do that? And it's like, do I stop and say, and then other people came in and had similar comments later.
And it's like, every time that are either people going to start typing and responding to that. And now if everyone ignores it, that's fine.
But then people tend to repeat that comment until it's understood.
But just if you come in late now, and this is what I said, I said this even on Wednesday, I think it was last night. I said this too.
I said, listen, if you come in late and you say, listen, I'm so sorry to ask.
I know I came late. Can you just tell me why the husband didn't respond?
How would you know what's been said if you're late? Exactly.

Dealing with Latecomers

[1:52:50] That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Right. So you can say, listen, and I've got no problem if somebody comes in late and then they say, you know, sorry, I came late. I really want to catch up on the story.

[1:53:02] Sorry to ask, why was the husband not doing anything? Right.
Okay, that's polite. I can live with that. I can interrupt and say, well, you know, this and this and this happened and this is why the husband isn't doing anything. Right.
But coming in and throwing like, well, the husband should have done this.
And why didn't the husband do that? And the husband, right. that's different, right?
That criticism of the husband was as a result partly because of my bias against men.

[1:53:38] Right. No, I get that. So you perceived him as a soy boy, his wife ran the show in your mind, and so you were kind of frustrated and angry at the husband and so on.
So you were acting out your own issues.
Just ignore it and keep moving along.
So now you're not listening, right? Do you remember why I said it's tough to ignore?
It's because multiple people came in and there were waves of these questions and I know that they're distracting the audience because what happens is people start typing back and forth in the live stream and, Trying to correct this guy, and then someone else says, well, no, it wasn't that, it was something else, and so everyone's distracted from what I'm saying.
And I don't know if you've ever given any kind of public speech, but when people are arguing back and forth and you're trying to give a speech, it's kind of distracting.

Maintaining Audience Focus

[1:54:27] And it should be, because it means people aren't listening to what you're saying.
So just ignore it and keep moving along. I do that a lot.

[1:54:34] People lose focus. It happens to me. My gosh, what are you guys talking about? about.
But if people lose focus, like obviously somebody could be playing a video game and they've completely lost track of what I'm saying.
I don't know. I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't show up in my life.
Right. But if somebody's coming in and saying, well, the husband should be doing this. And why didn't the husband do that?
And multiple waves of people come in saying that and other people start getting into debates about what's happening. That's a little like, then I know, right?
People lose focus. It happens to me. Do you think I'm saying that nobody can lose focus ever?
Do you think I never lose focus? Of course I do. Right. So I don't know what you're talking talking about other than nobody's listening we're not saying people aren't listening to what i'm saying and look it's not in the end of the world if someone comes in and it's kind of you know a little entitled and a little rude and it's kind of disrupting the the flow right you were saying about the people who came in asking questions it is distracting and hard to ignore right, it's not that they're i see it's not that they're asking questions people can ask all the questions they want.
And there have been times, and you can go back and find these if you want in the live streams with the transcriptions, there have been times where we're in the middle of a particular discussion and someone comes in with a total non-sequitur question and I'll say, if you can hold off on that, let me just finish this topic, I'll copy and paste it and I'll do it later.

[1:55:55] I wonder how much of these criticisms from the chat are related to your bit about the six words. Yeah, that's probably quite true.
Yeah, people come in, ask questions. Sometimes people will have total non-sequitur questions.
We're neck deep in some particular topic and then they'll come in and they'll have a question about their dog dying or something like that.
And if they keep posting that question, I'll be like, if you can hold off, I'd really appreciate it, blah, blah, blah, right?

[1:56:20] I thought he was not firm enough, yeah. And also because I had a more positive relationship with my mother, I feel more uncomfortable criticizing women.
Right. So you were acting out your own history rather than saying, uh, let me just have a quick look at the article or, or just politely saying, listen, sorry to interrupt. I wasn't here for the beginning.
Could you do me a favor and just tell me why the husband wasn't doing anything?
Right. It feels like they're playing a game and trying to guess the topic, even though they just got in the live stream. Right.

Responding to Constructive Criticism

[1:56:50] Oh, it's like my neighbor has two rabbits it's kind of stuff it right do you think you're being defensive after asking for feedback no, i'm making a solid case for what it is that i'm asking for yeah and i don't know what you mean by defensive i mean some of the feedback i've taken has been very helpful but when people mischaracterize what i'm doing i'm not gonna let i mean i'm not gonna let that slide or just agree with something that i don't agree with why would i agree with something i don't agree with that that would be hypocritical and that would be a form of lying to agree with something I don't agree with.
I don't know what you mean by defensive. Do you mean that I disagree with some of the feedback?
Yeah. I'm sorry. So if you ask the feedback, everyone could just tell you everything they want, even if they get it wrong and you've got a nod and smile.
My gosh, tell me more about your childhood. Right. People can give me feedback.
I think it's great, but it doesn't mean I have to agree with everything.

[1:57:45] Drop your defenses now. Yeah. Agree with me. Oh, if I disagree with you, then you're being defensive.
It's like, no, no, I'm just disagreeing with you. All right.
Right. Um, like if, when the person said you're rude to people just for asking questions, that is an absolutely completely insulting, um, that's an insulting statement, right?
To say that I am rude to people who are just asking questions.

[1:58:07] That's totally rude. Am I defensive of being annoyed by that? No, that's really rude.
And that's a, it's a lie. It's a complete lie. And it's a very insulting lie.
So sorry, Cospimo donations. There it is. Right.
Jared says so much of philosophy is about what is happening right here, right now, the real time you're your direct interactions and relationships with people.
Isn't the people interrupting the show and not checking what they type before they hit the send button what's happening?
Well, I'm trying to give, like this is a practice area, right?
So if you have a habit, and sometimes we're all kind of selfish or a little entitled or a little rude, or we all do it, right?
But isn't it kind of good to get feedback in a chat room rather than say in your boss's office?
Or isn't it good to get pointers about this kind of behavior in a chat room rather than say from a girlfriend who now wants to break up with you or something like that right i think that's uh i think that's better again maybe people disagree and so on but you know i honestly would rather go out of business than lie for a living and i know that that's i'm not that's not what people are saying but at the extreme end it's like well i can't give people any negative feedback and i have to pretend i'm not annoyed when i am annoyed and annoyance is a healthy emotion it's been very healthy and helpful in in my life.
So, I mean, obviously, if I have to lie and fake what I'm experiencing, then.

[1:59:32] In order to get tips, that's not a sustainable business plan for me.
That's just not, I'm not going to do that.

Managing Disruptive Behavior

[1:59:41] Maybe you need a chat moderator who can time out people for minutes at a time.
I don't think there's a time out here. Honestly, I don't.
And you also give people multiple chances, even when they are being annoying.
Right. And the fact that they're annoying me doesn't mean that they're objectively annoying.
I'm just saying this is my feeling of annoyance and this is why I think it's happening.
Right. I'm not condemning anyone. one well you're just a selfish whatever right it is better to be criticized on my technique, at a dojo instead of when i'm protecting myself from the felon yeah i mean i think this is kind of a warm-up and rehearsal place and i think if you get this kind of feedback from me, i think it's better than getting it from um something more difficult or higher stakes or or something like that.

[2:00:28] Yeah, I mean, Dave, who I think was one of the people who was coming in and talking about the dad, got some real value from me pushing back on this, right?
Here you get direct, honest feedback if you're doing something wrong.
In real life, people just stop talking to you. Yeah. I think so, yeah. I think so.
And the feedback, for me, the conversation about feedback has been great.
Or maybe I'm doing too many live streams. I mean, that certainly could be the case. I really do enjoy the live streams.
I think it does bring out some of my best work, but it could also be the case that I'm doing too many live streams and people are coming back and say, well, geez, I just donated last week and I can't donate twice a week, which I totally understand and sympathize with.
So maybe I'm doing too many live streams. Maybe three a week is too much.
Do you ever ban people from your live streams? I think that's happened once or twice over the years, but it has to be pretty horrendous for that to happen. But I can't remember.
I don't think that's happened in forever and ever. Amen.
So, let's see here.
I wrote in the comments.

Love and Actions

[2:01:43] Let's see here. on a show about a weekend ago you made the point that no one hates you they just hate your actions or the effects of your actions that that inda grind my gears oh that kinda i think you messed decay there right please do your typos um that kind of grinds my gears there are people that i I genuinely hate, and week ago.
Out of comment again. So if no one hates you, does anyone love you?
Do your wife and Isabella love you, or do they only love your actions?
Action-siener? Action-siener? And the effects of your actions?
I'm sorry, I should have proofread before typing.
Is it that hard? I'm a little bit of a perfectionist this way.

[2:02:39] It's got to be like, I don't, is it, is it, is it that hard to check your typing?
Like, I don't know how to unravel all of that stuff.

[2:02:52] I don't know how to unravel. Like I could try and puzzle out what you're trying to say. I could get it wrong.
And it's the old thing. Like, if you don't care enough to get your typing right, why would I care enough to answer your question?
But, but yeah, fundamentally people can only love you for your actions.
Yeah. People can only love. I mean, absolutely. People can only love you for your actions.
And you shouldn't love people for anything other than their actions, because that's the only way you know what their values are.
Because people can say, or you can imagine they think whatever they want.
You can only judge people by their actions.
By their fruits shall ye know them, straight out of the Bible, right? You can only judge people for their actions.
And so, yeah, of course people only love me for my actions.
They don't love me for some inner, essential, mystical, ghost-like part of me that they can't access, or for which my actions would be the complete opposite.
It because see here's the danger right so if i say if i manifest virtue you should love me for my my virtues if you're virtuous and i should love you for your virtues if i'm virtuous.

[2:03:50] And people don't hate me they only hate the negative effects that virtuous actions have on their lives but the problem is that if you claim to love people despite their actions people can and then legitimately claim to hate you despite your actions.
So you know the dog whistle thing? Well, they're talking about this, but I've made up this dog whistle that they're really talking about this.
And when they talk about this, what they actually mean is the opposite of this, and it's all a wink, wink, and a dog. Like, they just make up things, right?

Enhancing Call-In Show Dynamics

[2:04:24] Breton says, I'm a huge fan of any and all call-in shows. Maybe more brief community call-ins and less chat-reading call-ins will lead to focused discussion.
Could make calling in free and can interrupt with a tip at any time for those impulsive chatters.
Yeah it could be could be could be so uh but the problem is with some of the community call-ins that we have sometimes we have a shy audience right and then if nobody has any maybe i can ask people do you have things you want to talk about ahead of time but some call-ins uh where it's voice call-ins i'm like does anyone have anything to say and you know you got a whole bunch of people but nobody has anything to say and then it's kind of awkward and in fact a little depressing to be honest so it's like everyone is like yeah i'd love to do a call-in then no one has anything to say and it's like, well, this is sort of pointless and depressing, so I'm just trying to find ways to maintain enthusiasm.
Dave says, so words are in fact actions and so words speak just as loudly as actions. Contrary to the Phil Mitchell proverb, actions speak louder than words.

Words vs. Actions

[2:05:22] So words are in fact actions and so words speak just as loudly as actions.
I don't know what that means. I'm saying actions speak louder than words, so I don't know where you're getting to. Words are, in fact, actions. No.
No. Look, I'm really trying to maintain my enthusiasm. It's a bit of a low tip last night, and I had a little bit of time this afternoon, a bit of a low tip time today.

[2:05:45] And some of the call-in shows with voice lately have been, and listen, it could, of course, be in turn.
Dave was annoying me last night. He's back here. We're perfectly civil, so that's fine.

[2:05:56] And I think he got value out of my annoyance. at least that's what he said so yeah i'm just i'm looking to maintain my enthusiasm and maybe too many call-in shows perfectly valid sorry maybe too many live streams maybe more call-in shows is better uh maybe people want me to work on the finishing the peaceful parenting book the audio book reading in the final edits and so on all of that stuff is perfectly valid and perfectly healthy and perfectly uh good good feedback so i'm just trying to puzzle this out what i want to do of of course, is I want to get sweaty-palmed excited that I'm doing a show, right? That's what I really, really want.
Now, the fact that I want that is no obligation on your part.
Obviously, I'm just saying that that's what I want the most.
And I'm sort of trying to look for a way to achieve that.
And so that's why I'm sort of asking.

Seeking Show Improvement Suggestions

[2:06:47] And, you know, maybe people can, if you're listening to to this later you can email support at free support at free also known as the bra account because support man boobs we got it right so support of you can email thoughts or suggestions on the best ways to manifest the shows and the philosophy and so on and you know every now and then a change in direction is probably a good thing as a whole so I'm certainly happy to hear about those. All right.

[2:07:17] Not yet. Haven't set it up yet. All right. So forget support at
Sorry. Oh, you've got a ticket in. Okay, sorry.
You can just email me operations at if you've got, and just put in suggestions in the title.

[2:07:31] Oh, you're stuck in support hell. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, you can email me operations at
Just putting in the, or no, I'm not trying to get people to spell that.
Yeah, operations at They know that. Just put in suggestions in the title, and I'd be very happy to hear what you want to say. All right.
So I won't be doing a live stream tomorrow night, and I'll tell you why on Sunday.
But we'll be back on Sunday, 11 a.m. And so thanks, everyone, for dropping by today.
A great pleasure to chat always, and I'm glad we're having these frank conversations and lots of love from up here.
I hope you are going to have a wonderful weekend. Again, no show tomorrow night, Saturday morning, 11, sorry, Sunday morning, 11 a.m.
Eastern, we will get back in it.
So there's a lot, okay. All right, thanks everyone. Good night. Bye-bye.

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