Community Council: Friend Marrying Badly! Transcript


0:00 - Introduction and Babylon Bee Inside Joke
2:46 - Kindness vs. Cowardice
3:12 - Disappointing Affirmations and Life Choices
4:07 - Emotional Impact of Prose and Disappointing Genius Theory
7:09 - Laszlo Polgar's Child Genius Theory
8:46 - Consequences of Unrealized Potential
11:35 - Retirement Savings and Financial Concerns
12:26 - Choosing Suffering and Health Consequences
16:43 - Motivational Posters and Purpose of Life
18:30 - Importance of Health and Exercise
22:45 - Impact of Peaceful Parenting and Conscience
25:26 - Effects of Bad Conscience and Restlessness
28:56 - Dancing as Top Treatment for Depression
31:07 - Losses from the Burning of the Library of Alexandria
35:42 - Tragic Story of Tsunami Survivor's Search
36:25 - Where Have All the Good Men Gone?
43:16 - Retail Challenges and Excess Inventory
47:44 - Shift to Online Shopping Habits
53:27 - Sexless Marriages and Relationship Challenges
1:19:18 - Family Adventures and Compatibility
1:24:22 - Honesty and Decision Making
1:26:44 - Impact of Family Dynamics on Marriage

Long Summary

In this episode, Stefan kicks off with an engaging Friday Night Live session, sharing personal stories and philosophical insights. He touches on various topics such as retirement savings, surrounding oneself with driven individuals, and the importance of maintaining health as one ages. Stefan also makes a call for donations to support the show's development, setting the stage for an introspective and diverse discussion.

The conversation delves deep into the significance of investing in one's health as a form of insurance for the future. The hosts stress the impact of exercise, smoking, and overall well-being on one's quality of life. They explore the healing power of dance for mental health and lament the loss of knowledge with historical events like the burning of the Library of Alexandria, highlighting the value of preserving intellectual treasures.

Stefan shifts gears to discuss societal changes impacting dating dynamics and the retail industry's challenges, from store closures to cash flow struggles. The conversation transitions to the topic of sexless marriages, with Stefan emphasizing the importance of sexuality in relationships. He addresses studies and personal anecdotes to underscore the significance of sexual intimacy for marital bonding and fulfillment.

The hosts delve into the dynamics of male and female sexuality, emphasizing mutual happiness and understanding differences in relationships. They analyze a friend's impending marriage, exploring potential challenges arising from differing backgrounds and views. Stefan questions the friend's decision, prompting reflections on cultural identity, conflicts in raising biracial children, and the impact of personal choices on career and family life.

The episode concludes with a discussion on parental authority, ethical behavior, and the importance of honest communication in friendships. Stefan encourages listeners to support the show through donations and expresses gratitude for the engaging dialogue. The episode wraps up with well wishes, leaving the audience with thought-provoking insights on health, relationships, and personal growth.


[0:00] Introduction and Babylon Bee Inside Joke

[0:00] Well, good evening everybody. It is, oh my gosh, the 7th of June. Boy, that's a birthday of somebody I used to know. 7th of June, 2024, and we're doing a slightly different Friday Night Live. We're doing a chitty chat, and we can voice it rather than just me reading stuff, which is, I think, nice and a different approach. We're going to give that a little bit of a try. I certainly have my topics in a half, but let us talk to you, the fine listeners. And just a tiny tech reminder, if you're not talking, if you could be muted, that would be excellent.

[0:42] And I guess just get your topics ready, but the Babylon Bee is pretty funny. And we've had a running gag in my marriage for, I don't know, 21 years. That every time my wife touches my arm i have to flex i don't know why that is a rule it just is a rule and anyway so i just saw today and i showed my wife with you know the crowing excitement that i'm not alone the babylon b had a title in major gaffe husband forgets to flex when wife touches arm and it kind of goes on and on and it's very funny and yeah i like one of the things about comedy is that it just reminds you that you may not be particularly alone in your own little particular quirks and i just thought that was funny enough to make an actual article and i thought it was just an inside joke in my marriage but she's like you don't need to do that i'm like yeah well you know you don't need to dye your hair or wear makeup but we all have our things man we all have our things all right so i'm happy to have questions conversations if you have anything you can of course type it in the chat and if you have something you can just unmute and peck away at my brain and we'll see what good stuff we can come up with and i'm sure it will be, massive amounts of excellent fine stuff there is a max limit on.

[2:04] Who could be in here so if you end up wandering off if you could cancel or exit you can always listen to it later but it would be better for other people who might want to come in because Because there are some limits. There are some limits. So I don't have any particular big format for this. If you would like to ask a question, you can type it in the chat. I'll just pause here for a second in case anybody has something that they would like to ask or talk about right away. Don't forget to unmute, of course, if you do have such questions.

[2:46] Kindness vs. Cowardice

[2:46] All right, somebody still is unmuted, but that's all right. Just remember to mute if you can. So, there's a great quote from Thus Spoke Zarathustra from Nietzsche, the philosopher who is mostly peachy.

[3:06] And he wrote, So much kindness, so much weakness do I see.

[3:12] Disappointing Affirmations and Life Choices

[3:12] So much justice and pity, so much weakness. Round, fair, and considerate they are to one another as grains of sand are round, fair, and considerate to grains of sand. In their hearts they want simply one thing most of all, that no one hurt them. Thus do they anticipate everyone's wishes and do well unto everyone. That, however, is cowardice, though it be called virtue.

[3:41] But they lack fists. Their fingers do not know how to creep behind fists. Christ's virtue for them is what maketh modest and tame. Therewith have they made the wolf a dog, and man himself man's best domestic animal. Ooh, that's so good. That's the kind of prose that I pray to the Battlestar Galactica gods to bless my brain with on speaking.

[4:07] Emotional Impact of Prose and Disappointing Genius Theory

[4:08] And that's just lovely. That's just lovely. And that's what's great about Nietzsche. He's half religious, half aphorism. But it packs an emotional wallop, sometimes second to none. So I just thought that was really, really great. Now there's, and if you want to talk, I'll just throw something in the chat. Just say, you know, drop a T in here in the chat if you want to talk, and we'll take it from there. There's a book called Disappointing Affirmations. It's a little harsh. It's a little harsh. and some of them are um.

[4:48] Stop overthinking. You're the only one who cares. Yeah, that's interesting. I remember hearing this many, many years ago. It actually had a fairly large impact on me, which was somebody said, you think everyone's thinking about you? This is because they call it the spotlight phenomenon, that you feel like everyone's looking at you. You make a mistake. You mess up and everyone's looking at you and then they think about it and it echoes in your brain. and it's a sort of basic empathy thing where you say, everyone's thinking about me and the mistake I made it's like okay no, they're not they're not they're thinking that everyone's thinking about them and the mistake they made right and it is really not the case if you think people, are thinking about you all the time all you have to do is think how often you think of other people rather than your own problems so, this is a pretty harsh one don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself that's your job and nobody does it better I thought that was kind of funny another one, it's never too late to change so just wait until you absolutely have to, right another one, picture of a mountainside it says you will never be alone all the stupid things you've ever said and done will always be there to haunt you.

[6:13] Another one, just because it didn't work out doesn't mean you failed. You successfully effed it up.

[6:22] Let's see here. This is the introvert's prayer. I'm exactly where I want to be, at home, avoiding people. Another one is, ask the universe for guidance. Then just go and do whatever stupid shit you were going to do anyway. Anyway, I had one of these demotivational posters actually hanging in my office, and it was a ship upending into the water. It said, it could be that the only purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others. And I thought that was a really great way of putting it. And it could be, right? That's all it could be sometimes. All right. Why is this not giving me my bookmarks again? I must know. There we go. All right.

[7:09] Laszlo Polgar's Child Genius Theory

[7:10] Now, there was a psychologist named Laszlo Polgar, and he had this theory that any child could become a genius in any chosen field with early training. So he took his daughters and he taught his daughters in chess from about the age of four and all three of his daughters went on to become chess prodigies and the youngest, whose name is Judith, is considered the best female player in history. And I think we all know the problem with this right so if you're a brilliant psychologist who believes that any child can become a genius and you then trade you should you then train your own children well you are making a fundamental categorical error which is that if you're a brilliant psychologist and I'm certain that he married a brilliant woman woman.

[8:09] Well, their children are going to be highly, highly, highly intelligent. So that's not. And, you know, it's really horrible. It's really, it's actually incredibly cruel to say any child can become a genius in a chosen field with early training. It's not true. You know, they tried to close the black-white achievement gap. Oh, under George W. Bush, George W. Bush Jr. and it was $100 billion they spent and they closed it very briefly and then it just went right back to where it was and it's kind of cruel. Anyone can be a great singer.

[8:46] Consequences of Unrealized Potential

[8:46] And it's like, well, okay, if you're the kid of a great singer, hey, two great singers had a kid and trained that kid on singing, kid turned into a really good singer. And it's like, yeah, well.

[9:01] So it's cruel. It's cruel to think that everybody has all of this potential, because then people feel like failures when they didn't necessarily have the mechanics to succeed. Seed. It's a pretty good quote from Frank Zappa. He was a Lebanese musician, died quite young, I think of some sort of bowel cancer or something like that. And he had some, he had the pretty wild hair and a mustache. And I remember he did a, Sting had a song when he was with the police called Murder by Numbers that's actually quite creepy and good. And Frank Zappa did a version with Sting, Mr. Sting, as he referred to him. And he said, Frank Zappa said, if you end up with a boring miserable life because you listen to your mom your dad your teacher your priest or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit then you deserve it and i think that was quite interesting as well, And Nietzsche also said, when we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago. Viktor Frankl, author of Man's Search for Meaning, a Holocaust survivor, I believe, he said, when a person can't find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure. Indian philosopher Chan Nakya said, a man is great by deeds, not by birth. Well, that's very true.

[10:18] Lao Tzu, great Chinese philosopher, said, doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing. Very true. You ever had one of those jobs? You ever had one of those jobs where you have to look busy? Ooh, ooh, that's very tough. Ooh, that's very tough. Somebody, if you're not muted, if you could just remember to mute. Now, this is an unknown, and it really, it hit me in the feels, man, if not the NADs themselves. And it's a picture of a, I guess, a Roman warrior. And the quote is, he who sweats more in training bleeds less in war. That's a great quote. He who sweats more in training bleeds less in war. And that's very powerful because preparing for life, you know, I love this concept of choose your suffering. Just choose your suffering. And you can either suffer now by eating less, or you can suffer later by being fat. You can either suffer now by working out hard, or you can suffer later by injuring yourself or, you know, being flabby or lazy or out of breath. Like, it's just choose your suffering. There is no not suffering. There's only you choose your suffering. Well, I don't want to work out. Okay. Then you're choosing another kind of suffering.

[11:35] Retirement Savings and Financial Concerns

[11:35] Just a reminder for those of you who've just joined, welcome to the slightly different friday night live and you can type uh just hit the word t here to talk and you can unmute or you know you can just unmute and interrupt it's a it's a show for you it's a show for you so this a woman wrote on twitter or x now she wrote uh confession time i'm almost 49 I have zero retirement savings. No exaggeration. Absolutely nothing. Maybe about $900 in my checking account. No idea what the F I'm going to do. And I know I can't be the only one. And that is really, really something. That is really, really something.

[12:26] Choosing Suffering and Health Consequences

[12:27] Yeah, there is necessary suffering and stupid suffering. Yes. Yeah, I mean, you either do the right thing now or you suffer the pain of regret later.

[12:38] There's no non-suffering there's only the deferral of suffering and the deferral of suffering is usually a cause of greater suffering than if you just do it now, So, hit me with the number of people, I'll check the chat here, hit me with the number of people that you know who have pretty much smack saved up for retirement. Now, they could say, oh, I have an asset, and so on, but a house is not a particularly fantastic asset. I mean, I suppose if you have a bigger house, you can sell the house if you're going to move to a condo or some smaller place because you've retired, but I don't know. I think it's still pretty good for... I'm not sure that I want to be old and living in a condo myself, because I'd like to be sort of out as much. But yeah, how many people do you know who don't really seem to have much set aside for retirement? Because it seems to be a pretty big thing for a lot of people. I guess, what, are they going to rely on the state? They're going to rely, like, on what? So people are saying, only one I know of. One everyone I know. Zero. Yeah.

[13:47] I know a number of people who have not saved up for... Oh, no, let me rephrase that. I used to know a number of people who had not saved up for retirement. Now, why don't I know anyone anymore? Why am I not close to anyone anymore who hasn't saved up for retirement? Because, you know, at 57, it's not exactly way over the horizon, because they will all come a-knocking. That's right, James. That's exactly right. They all get to come and knock in. Knock, knock, knocking on Stefan's door. Yep, they're all going to come knocking. And, you know, part of getting older is pruning those who are going to be in desperate need of everything. Part of pruning as you get older is the people. And it's like the people who don't take care of their health are going to be less and less fun to know when they get older.

[14:51] Somebody says i know one he's late 40s who will be able to retire at 65 with his 401k in house but like you said the house is not an asset for retirement and i agree yeah, yeah oh for someone here says they're already knocking yeah yeah says i knew two people at my job who around 150k a year and they both say they cannot retire until they're at least 70.

[15:13] Yeah yeah i mean i was a little bit i mean i started saving for this stuff kind of early I mean, I got life insurance in my early 20s, just because it's real cheap back then. And by the time I was 35, it's all paying for itself, because I put a little bit extra in and now they don't charge me, haven't charged me for like, over 20 years. But there are, sorry, just a reminder, if you've joined, if you could remember to mute, please, it's a little bit of background noise. So it is rough, man. And the people who get older, if they're in bad health, and I mean, chosen bad health, you know, three quarters of people's health problems are the result of lifestyle choices. So the people who have an exercise, they're overweight, you just, I've pruned those people long ago because, well, I like to do things with people. Like when I socialize, I don't just want to sit on the couch and chat. I do that sometimes, and that's fun. Dinner parties are fun. But I want to go do things. You know, when we have people over, let's do a sport. Let's go for a hike. Let's, you know, play pickleball. Let's, you know, whatever, right? And I just have less and less in common with people who have less and less strength and mobility.

[16:23] And they're going to start needing things, and they're going to start having complaints and problems. And I just, you know, the old sort of, the old myth about, you know, what happens, people get older, oh, we just sit around complaining about how expensive our medication is, and we just sit around complaining about all the aches and pains that we have, and it's like, Like, I cannot.

[16:43] Motivational Posters and Purpose of Life

[16:44] I cannot. And I do remind people that I know, like, you know, really try to avoid that kind of stuff as a whole. Oh, yes, of course, slash donate. I forgot to mention that, too, if you'd like to help out the show. I really would appreciate it. We're going to have something pretty cool for you guys soon. Pretty cool for you guys soon. soon and we are obviously we take your support and donations very seriously and are always trying to apply what you offer in out of the kindness and charity of your heart what you offer we try to put to the very very best use and we really do appreciate everyone's really enjoying the real-time relationships ai that's the most popular one which is very and it sort of goes in accord with the call-in shows and people are still enjoying very much the staff bot ai the peaceful for parenting, AI is getting heavy use, and so on.

[17:39] Uh, somebody says, all the people that won't work to change their lives are just a drag. I've been pruning and surrounding myself with people who are ambitious and trying to improve their situation, slash driven people. Yeah, yeah. That describes my old mother to a T, always complaining about some ailment never exercised in her life. Yeah. I mean, I swear to God, my mother lived on, I've been living on nic, coffee and nicotine. That's an old song from Gerald Crowe. So my mom, it was like Nescafe, instant coffee, and Dunhill's cigarettes.

[18:14] Oof. Wouldn't really exercise. And she was skinny because she barely ate anything, but yeah, wouldn't really exercise, smoked. No, she didn't smoke much. She wasn't like a chimney smoker, but she certainly smoked and then would complain about her health. And I'd say, well, maybe you could do this, that, and the other.

[18:30] Importance of Health and Exercise

[18:30] You know, here's the other thing about health. health i sort of mentioned this briefly before but i really can't emphasize or express this often enough that you just don't know when you're gonna need to withdraw from the old health bank right so when i got cancer um what 10 or 11 years ago whatever it was you know i i needed to withdraw from the old health bank to beat the cancer and i will never ever begrudge and you know occasionally I think of the amount of time I spend exercising and it's like, you know, it's taken, you know, it feels a little bit like it's taking time off your life. Now I get, you know, it sort of helps you with all of that, you know, going forward stuff. But man, man, man, man, it is so important because you just don't know. You just don't know.

[19:23] You don't know when you're going to need to have a big withdrawal for whatever reason, right? Steph, do you have any recommendations on how to best use the AIs you've released? I'm not sure I understand the question. Just ask it what you want to know the most and see how it responds. I mean, you can look up how to work with AIs as a whole. Somebody says, I told my mom to take better care of her health because she would get sick. She said, all old people get sick. That's just how it works. Okay, but sickness is different from entropy, like the wearing out of stuff. I remember when I was younger, I just didn't really understand how this kind of stuff worked. And I was like, oh, you know, maybe if I walk too much, I'll wear out the cartilage in my knees. And it's like, no, no, because the more you walk, the more your cartilage regenerates and is healthy. Like it's, in a sense, as far as I understand it, it's like a muscle. And so, you know, use it or lose it. Or if you ain't using it, you're abusing it.

[20:20] And there's one thing to get old obviously there's going to be some decay a little bit of decay, but the illness i don't know that that's entirely necessary and you can see i saw a video the other day that this woman she's a grandmother she's in her late 70s and she's working out of the gym pretty hard she's full of muscles and you don't have to be soft flabby and falling apart when when you're old personally i mean my sort of amateur view on this kind of stuff is that people are punishing themselves for bad things they did like they don't take care of their health because they uh punishing themselves for bad things they did if you do bad things i'm not saying everybody but i think a lot of people like it's just so it just makes so little sense, to let yourself go like that i mean it just makes so little like why would you why would you do that Why would you? You're given this incredible, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, perfect body, and you just take a slow, high-cholesterol dump all over it. It just seems completely bizarre to me. It's like being given a bazillion dollars and then spending it all on fillets of fish or something. It just makes no sense to me.

[21:38] It just makes no sense to me. Somebody said, I had quite the back injury at work earlier this week. I've been recovering well, mostly due to being in overall good health. Oh, yeah, no, they were pretty clear with me. They said, you know, probably you're bringing to beat this cancer because you're so healthy. And, yeah, I just, and, you know, it's like, or the stress of like, I don't know, you get a twinge in your chest. And if you haven't exercised or whatever, right? Every now and then, everybody, I think everyone gets twinges all over their body. and I don't worry about that stuff because I know my heart's good because I just cardio or whatever, right? So anyway. So let's see here. Yeah, old people who haven't taken care of themselves will say things like, you'll be old one day. It's like, yeah. And I'm still doing pretty much the same workout I did in my teens. And I'm not some big muscle guy. I don't have any particularly favorable genetics for muscle or anything like that. It's just keep doing it. Just keep doing it. just keep doing it. I mean, a life without moving is not even worth getting out of bed for, as far as I'm concerned.

[22:45] Impact of Peaceful Parenting and Conscience

[22:46] Let's see here. Finished peaceful parenting yesterday, I signed up for therapy. Finished peaceful parenting yesterday, I signed up for therapy. Oh, well, that's good to hear. I'm glad that the book had an impact on you and all of that.

[23:01] Often, though, bad things are done to them and people will eat to distract themselves from their past trauma yes so i think having a bad conscience takes away your dopamine and then people need to find a way to replace that dopamine and they do that with sex they do that with drugs they do that with food i mean i suppose some people do it with exercise too but a bad conscience is a pretty terrible terrible thing to have in your brain and people distract themselves in their bad conscience all the time and they look for substitutes i mean the ultimate dopamine is a a good conscience. It's a good relationship with yourself having done reasonably well in the battle for virtue in this darkening world. That's the best you could hope for. And.

[23:44] To have a good conscience is the best reward of all, and because it's through that reward that all other rewards like love and self-respect come, having a good conscience is the best reward of all. And I don't know, you guys tell me, have you had or what have you seen? Have you had or what have you seen in terms of people who've had a bad conscience and how miserable they are? Oh, gosh. And they will constantly insist that they're happy. But there's a restlessness. You know those people? Someone said that the all of life's problems stem from people's inability to sit in a room quietly for an hour with themselves. This restlessness, you ever known these people? They're like sharks. They can't stop moving. They've got no bladder. They've got no buoyancy. They just have to swim, swim, eat, eat, swim, swim.

[24:36] Restlessness, right? They sit down and they're bored and irritated. This is so boring. And they're just restless. And it's like everywhere they sit is vague cactus. And everywhere they walk is against the wind. It's really, really unpleasant. I find those kinds of people pretty unbearable to be around. If you can't just enjoy your own company, if you can't just sit with your own thoughts. I mean, I obviously have 4,000 idea hamsters working at cocaine levels in my brain at all times. So for me, my brain is a circus, like it's a really fun place to be in terms of debates. And I always enjoy that time alone or walking or whatever it is. And when I'm podcasting while walking around, I'm doing kind of the same thing that I'm doing while I'm walking around without podcasting. So yeah, those restless people, I grew up with one. It's just, it's just appalling.

[25:26] Effects of Bad Conscience and Restlessness

[25:27] Morning so let's see here uh what is it 517 billion dollars in unrealized losses hits the u.s banking system as fdic warns 63 lenders were on the brink of insolvency four days ago so you know who knows what happens to people's retirement savings um from september 2022 defying science american parents are turning away from male circumcision excellent excellent excellent.

[25:57] I read, I started to read, you know, I would say that I have a fairly strong stomach. I have a fairly strong stomach and I can take a fair amount when it comes to fairly horrifying information. So if everyone here has ever been truly naughty, I will read from a thread I saved. A few people shared their worst sex experiences.

[26:26] And I was, like, vaguely curious. Obviously, I went in with a full hazmat suit. I read a couple, and I was like, I now need to burn my tablet with holy water. It's like, oh, my God. So if you're ever really bad, I will lock you down, and I will read to you for some of these worst sex experiences. I don't mean to tease you. Trust me, you'll be very happy that I didn't read them, because that stuff, it's like reading about that guy who, in Germany who advertised that he wanted to be eaten by a cannibal. And, you know, like, these are things you don't want in your head. So I bookmarked it. I was like, oh, gosh, this could be kind of funny and interesting. And I was like, oh, God, I've been turned to salt. So here's another one that I thought was interesting. This is posted by Eric Hall. And he said, they buried the lead on this new study. It's not that exercise beats out SSRIs for depression treatment. It's that just dancing. has the largest effect of any treatment for depression. That's kind of beautiful. Isn't that neat? Isn't that neat? So in terms of benefits.

[27:40] In terms of benefits, this is the list from most beneficial. This is no kind of advice. I'm just reading your data, right? So don't do anything based upon what some podcaster says, right? But this is the data. So from...

[28:00] From most beneficial to least beneficial. Number one, dance. You can boogie your blues away. And it's funny, you know, I used to, when I was in my teens, I had a, I can't even remember where I got them from, but I got a really great pair of Sennheiser headphones that just had fantastic sound.

[28:27] And somewhere along the way I lost the headband and I ended up having to use a coat hanger and duct tape to get them around my head but I used to stand in a darkened room in my teens when nobody was home and I would put on two songs and just dance like crazy to them one was face to face by Pete Townshend the other was it can happen by yes and man I mean Pete Townshend was a little little easier to dance to. Not that he makes a lot of dance music, but that's a fantastic dance song called Face to Face.

[28:56] Dancing as Top Treatment for Depression

[28:56] I mean, it's got a drum like gunshots through the ears. And the Yes song is just so powerful and inspiring. It's just a beautiful, beautiful song.

[29:07] So yeah, dance is fantastic. And I used to go, gosh, I think starting from the age of 15 or 16, I used to go to discos. I went to one called Nuts and Bolts. Didn't even really think about the meaning of the name until years later. And I remember some kids from my high school finally came in when they were 17, teen and were very impressed to see me boogieing away. I just danced. I danced my teens away. Absolutely loved it. And so, yeah, dance is number one, according to the data for depression. Walking or jogging, number two. Cognitive behavioral therapy, number three. Yoga, number four. Exercise plus SSRI, number five. Aerobic exercise plus therapy. Next is strength. Next is relaxation. Next is mixed aerobic exercises. Next is tai chi or quick aerobic exercise plus strength training, next cycling, next SSRI, next physical activity counseling, next and wait list control.

[30:02] So dance. You can dance your cares away. And you see, this is why, this is why not many people know this statistically. Not many people know that this is why COVID went away. It's because of all those TikTok dances. All negativity can go away because of that. That all right let me get to your questions comments yeah i haven't somebody says yeah i haven't been able to finish peaceful parenting now it is a lot did start therapy and have been relentlessly trying to clean my conscience and offer restitution everyone has been like you don't owe me anything if that's the worst you've done you'll be fine somebody says i have a step grandfather who's drank himself into dementia had a very abusive father and was also one himself self. Him and all his descendants are addicted to something. Yeah. Yes, indeed. Yes, a bad conscience will make you do some pretty self-destructive things.

[30:57] Even worse than the bad sex experiences?

[31:03] Oh, the Library of Alexandria.

[31:07] Losses from the Burning of the Library of Alexandria

[31:07] So what was lost when the Library of Alexandria burned in the ancient world? Well, our entire, and this is from cultural critic. Well, our entire knowledge of the Greco-Roman world comes from about 500 volumes. 700,000 scrolls were potentially lost at Alexandria alone. Our entire knowledge of the Greco-Roman world comes from about 500 volumes. 700,000 scrolls were burned in Alexandria. Alexandria was once antiquity's greatest city, a trade port connecting Africa, Europe, and Asia. When When Ptolemy took control of Egypt in 305 BC, after the death of Alexander the Great, he built Alexandria into his thriving capital. He wanted it to be the intellectual center of the world, the new Greece. He had a great library and museum built, and the lighthouse was one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. The library was to contain all the knowledge of antiquity under one roof.

[32:05] Ptolemy acquired books aggressively, and scholars came from across Egypt, Egypt, Greece, Persia, and India, and were paid handsomely. Every ship docking in Alexandria had to submit all written material on board for the library to make copies. It became the world's largest collection of manuscripts, some say 700,000 scrolls at its peak. So what was really in there, and what did we lose?

[32:34] Ptolemy's buying spree furnished it with manuscripts of incalculable value. Plato, Homer, Herodotus, and very significant original work took place. Earth's circumference was calculated for the first time in Alexandria. Among the most precious lost works were the writings of Aristotle, which Ptolemy II paid a fortune to acquire. Aristotle wrote as many as 200 treatises in his life across philosophy, natural sciences, economics. Today, we have just 30 of them, none of which survive in complete form. Just these had a measurable impact for centuries, so imagine what might have been in the remaining, 90%. There were the last plays of Aeschylus and Sophocles, who wrote over 73 and over 100 plays, respectively, the vast majority now missing. They might have been foundational works of Western literature and taught us things about Greek life we'll never know. But if we could have just one last item back it would easily be the Pinakis, of Callimachus Callimachus was a librarian who cataloged the library by subject, author with a summary of each book's contents the first time this was ever done in the West, it was 120 papyrus rolls of information essentially a detailed guide of the entire intellectual world of antiquity, it hurts to think just how much we might know if it had been recovered.

[33:59] So what happened to this library? We don't really know. Some say Caesar's men raised it by accident during a civil war in 48 BC, or Diocletian did when he sacked the city in 298 AD. These events likely did damage, but something worse happened. Texts throughout history weren't generally lost in fires, but because they weren't copied in the first place. Cultures need a reason to preserve them. We have so much Virgil and Homer today because they were in school curricula for centuries. And remember, papyrus was fragile enough that regular handling eroded it. Ancient libraries had to continually recopy their texts, so commitment was required to maintain them. If that commitment fell away, so did the knowledge. The fate of Aristotle's works is unclear, but one account says they weren't burned, but confiscated by Sulla. Why? The historian Plutarch said it was because they had fallen into idle and base hands.

[35:02] Alexandria's texts were at risk long before any disaster struck. Successors to Ptolemy didn't share his commitment to knowledge and the library fell into disuse. By 400 AD, there are no accounts of a great library at Alexandria at all. The great library died because classical culture did. Cultures aren't lasting great fires as they die from something much worse. Apathy.

[35:30] It's very powerful, and it's agonizing. No off-site backup! Are they crazy? The most important stuff is philosophy. No off-site backup.

[35:42] Tragic Story of Tsunami Survivor's Search

[35:43] Oh, a man whose wife was lost in Japan's 2011 tsunami still goes diving every week in the hope of finding her body 11 years later. Wow. Wow. We do backups. And you understand why it's very important that we have you doing our backups as well.

[36:12] And that's really something. That's really something. Now, let's see here. I'm going to see if I can just hold this up to the mic in some very sophisticated fashion.

[36:25] Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

[36:25] I don't know if you've ever heard, there seems to to be a tiny tiny little bit of complaining about where all the good men have gone so let's see i don't know if we can hear this or not but let's crank it up and see not sure why nobody wants to speak up about this but i guess i'll be the one to do it there is a serious shortage of attractive, eligible mentally stable emotionally available men we need to get a search party together figure out what has happened where have they gone i'm not sure why nobody wants to speak up about this but i guess i'll be the one to do it there is a serious shortage of attractive eligible mentally stable, emotionally available men we need to get a search party together figure out what has happened where have they gone i'm not sure why nobody wants to speak up about this but yes so sorry there was There's just a bunch of messages in came in that dimmed her out. So that is a very, very big question. Where have all the good men gone? Where have all the good men gone?

[37:33] All right, let me just see here. Steph, what a great topic and article. I love hearing you speak and read. This is a fantastic Friday night Skype call. I appreciate that. Thank you. Have you considered sharing also the AI language model so we can back them up too? I'm not sure what that might entail. I'm not sure what that might entail. So what do you guys think? Is it true for the men and the women here? Is it true that there is a shortage of good men to date? I know that men complain about this with regards to women. Yeah, where have all the cowboys gone? It's that Paula Cole, right?

[38:14] Yeah, that's a way old song. But yeah, where have all the good people to date gone? Somebody says, yes, there is a... There is a what? Shortage. There is a shortage. It's funny because there doesn't seem to be a shortage of attractive people as a whole, but there does seem to be a shortage of attractive men. Now, to me, this is the wages of sin. I think that there is a shortage of attractive men, and I'm sure that's the case with women too, but I think that there is a shortage of attractive men. and.

[39:01] You know, women don't blame themselves for much, in general, right? There's exceptions, but women don't blame themselves for much. So the simple answer to me is, well, women voted to take away the negative consequences of not having a good father in the home, right? Women voted to have a welfare state, which means that not having a good, strong father in the home, there's no consequences for that. In fact, there's positive consequences for having a child outside of wedlock, because you get to stay home and raise your kids, and you don't have to serve a husband. A husband doesn't have to serve his wife, of course. Was. So when voters, and this was women, right? Women drove the welfare state. You don't get a welfare state in general without women voting. So women drove the welfare state, the single mother state. So women said, hey, you know what would be great?

[39:57] If we pay women who have children with unsuitable men, and then drive those men away. And it's not just the welfare state. I mean, I mean, another form of the welfare state is alimony, child support, and all that kind of nonsense, right? It's just another form of welfare state. So they're going to say, okay, so if we massively incentivize women to have children with bad men, unsuitable men, and or drive those men away, so if we have an entire generation of men raised without fathers, an entire generation of boys raised without fathers, Oh, wait a minute.

[40:37] Our daughters are having a tough time finding men they want to date.

[40:44] Well, honey, ladies, ah, the fairest sex. So often the unfairest sex. Ladies, ladies, ladies. You voted to take fathers out of the home, and now you're complaining that your daughters don't have strong men to date. Are you kidding me?

[41:08] You've absolutely, completely, and totally got to be kidding me. We had our daughters raised by the all-man-he-man-woman-haters club. Turns out they didn't grow up to be very feminine or attractive. Wouldn't that be not shocking? Are you kidding me? You demonize men. You drive them out of the home. Everything's toxic masculinity. Men are bad. Patriarchy. Male chauvinist pig. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're going to have nothing but female teachers, female daycare workers, mothers at home, boys can get to the age of their mid-teens, never coming across a male authority figure of any way, shape, or form. Oh no, isn't that weird? Isn't it weird that we don't seem to have strong men that we want to date?

[42:05] I don't... you literally injected three generations worth of testosterone into women and estrogen into men, and oh my gosh, there seems to be a slight lack of attractiveness everywhere. What a shock! Well, that's why we used to have a rule called thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt accept the consequences of bad decisions. Thou shalt accept the consequences of bad decisions. No, no, no, say the female voters, no, no, no, you've got to be kidding me. It wasn't her fault. I mean, he just changed. Bad things happen. Nobody could tell. It couldn't be predicted. He just, you know, there's no way to, there are no red flags. We can't possibly tell a good man from a bad man, but we really, really, really want to be able to vote for politicians. See, we can't tell, we can't possibly tell who would or would not be.

[43:09] A good father for our own children. But we can totally tell an honest politician...

[43:16] Retail Challenges and Excess Inventory

[43:17] I can't do these shows. Without half dying from laughter sometimes. Oh, we have no... We spread our legs for every random tattooed junkie in the neighborhood. But don't worry, we can tell who's going to be a fantastic president. We can't tell the quality of men we let inside our bodies. But we can totally tell an honest politician with integrity oh my gosh how do people survive this planet with even remotely a straight face I do not understand it oh my gosh just crazy alright, retail is facing a multi 100 billion dollar problem excess inventory is up 23 sales growth is down 5.8 foot traffic is down 2.3 year over year at malls on black friday, But it gets even worse.

[44:26] So, did you know a list of retailers who've announced closures so far this year alone? I get to see a lot of the stuff in the economy because I tootle around with my daughter during the day. Sometimes we'll go to malls or we'll go if she wants to. She's in a teen phase, right? So, she's shopping for dresses and prom stuff and all kinds of cool stuff. She goes to parties and all that. So, she's into clothing. them. So we're around a lot and the ghost town known as malls is really kind of chilling. So list of chains that have announced closures this year. Walgreens, almost 650 workers were laid off. Restructuring process of closing 150 stores in the US as part of a paring down strategy launched in 2023 and a bid to cut costs. Well, you know, it's kind of a funny thing when you stop arresting shoplifters, it turns out that the economies die. And shoplifters and most criminals, it's the Pareto principle as well. It's a tiny minority of people who cause most of the crime, as you can see from El Salvador. So that's Walgreens. Walmart. Walmart is shuttering nine of its locations in the U.S., blaming financial underperformance for the decision. It does plan to open 14 new sites in 2024.

[45:40] Walmart will close five stores in California, of course. Of course. So Walmart is taxed for a justice system and a police system, which lets criminals go, and so, yeah, it's terrible. Rue 21, the teen fashion chain, is set to close all 540 stores after filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy at the beginning of May. The Body Shop, cosmetics and toiletries chain, the Body Shop closed all of its U.S.-based operations in March, along with the closure of dozens of its Canadian stores. Family Dollar, some 600 Family Dollar stores were shuttered this year with hundreds more closures planned over the next few years as the discount retailers' location leases come to an end.

[46:22] Best Buy has some. Party City closed 35 stores after filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. CVS, hundreds of the drugstore's pharmacy inside targets, was slated for closure. It's going to reduce its workforce as well. Footlocker, underperforming stores and shopping malls, with the focus of a shake-up by the sportswear company. Some 400 stores across North America set to close by 2026. Now, it's really tragic, because I used to meet a lot of people, and girls in particular, at the mall. What's that great line from an old Kevin Smith movie called Mallrats? They're not there to shop. They're not there to work. They're just there. Very true. Very true. 99 cents only, all 371 U.S. Stores will be shuttered as the business winds down. Yeah. Clothing Chain Express revealed that more than 25 states will lose stores as it closes more than 100 sites after filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Not ideal at all. Indoor malls. This is as of six days ago. Mall traffic is down 14.2% versus 2019. Outlet malls down almost 18%. Open air centers down almost 12%.

[47:44] Shift to Online Shopping Habits

[47:45] And so this is part of the COVID thing too right so once people get used to a new habit they don't really go back to their old habits so under COVID people got used to and there was a barrier for a lot of people they'd say oh you know I like going to malls I like being able to touch the fabric I like going to see the stuff directly I don't want to shop online it's not blah blah blah and then Then what happens is during COVID, when everything was shut down and so on, then people got used to shopping online. I think we've all had that kind of thing where if something we don't want to do, we end up doing it, and then it ends up being great. So people got used to shopping online.

[48:22] And they got used to, well, I guess I can't see it. And the tools also improved so that you can put the clothes on a virtual model of you and see and rotate them and see how they look. Plus, people get used to the returns thing. I i i used to order things thinking i would return them and then i just like unless they're very expensive i just don't return they just end up in a box in the basement so i should actually just set fire to them and save myself the trouble but so people transition to and particularly the boomers right and and the older people they transition to shopping online and they just don't go back to the mall now because that's what they're used to they're used to the benefits they they're used to the convenience and so on. So they just don't go. And it's also not great for walking because when you're older, particularly in Canada here, right? And you're older, you go to the mall to walk around because you can't walk around outside because if you're old and you slip and fall, it can be a real challenge. So people don't do that. So it's just another challenge of.

[49:20] Of COVID. The top retail challenges, this is of Q1 2024. Top retail challenges, inflation costs. Yes, inflation costs, very, very big problem. Revenue, 29%. So inflation costs, 52%. Revenue, 29%. Interest rates rising, 20%. Adding employee benefits for healthcare, 17%. Supply chain issues, 16%. Employee retention, 12%. And it sort of goes down from there, but it's a brutal thing. It's a brutal thing so big problems with retail right so first big problem is inventory, and this is from Cody Sanchez when you buy retail supplies to sell in your store you pay for it all up front they ship the items to you which you hold until you can start selling them leftover inventory too bad, order full styles and summer accounts sell for 60 to 90 days ouch, two high rent for high traffic you live and die by sales per square foot but in order to get enough volume you have to pay rent that's equivalent. It's a paradox that exacerbates number three, cash flow problems. The cash flow realities of a high overhead business model like specialty retail are not to be understated. A lot of mom and pop stores are hobbies funded by people with big pockets or marketing to bolster an online brand. But we're not talking about mom and pop specialty retail, we're talking about your mom's department store. What's going on with Kohl's, Macy's and others? Let's start with the inventory problem. Retailers are sitting on a mountain of excess stuff they They cannot sell.

[50:46] The top 20 U.S. apparel companies have 26% more inventory than pre-pandemic. Why? Shifting consumer spending and reduced foot traffic.

[50:58] But if they want enough foot traffic to move all that product, got to get pricey, high visibility real estate, check out retail rent over 10 years. Even at high volumes, margins are thin. And the retail is brutal. US dollars per square foot, and this is normalized for inflation. Q2 2013, under $19.5. By Q4 2022, it's $23, right? So that's a good 20%, 25% increase in that. And then you've got inflation as well, right? Cash flow is still brutal. So take Bed Bath & Beyond. They couldn't keep up online, then turned to stock buyers and other debt for years, leading up to a bankruptcy. That's brutal. And Bed Bath & Beyond was unfashionably late to the e-commerce gala and didn't adapt to changing consumer behaviors, but the company also made monumental financial mistakes. Since 2004, it spent almost $12 billion to buy back its own shares. An amount that eclipses the $5.2 billion in debt reported in its last SEC filing. The company began borrowing money in 2014 to repurchase shares and continued doing so through a dismal 2022 holiday season. In February, a billion-dollar hedge fund deal that was a last-ditch effort to stave off bankruptcy failed to materialize. It's just appalling.

[52:17] So, yeah, it's rough, man. Going into stores these days is really tough. Is really tough the the um the the cash register population is down which means any bulge in traffic means a big lineup which you don't want to do i hate this lining up in stores i just hate it why why am i spending my money and my time to buy from you that really doesn't make much sense, at all at all and that's really really rough.

[52:47] And i'm happy to take a pause here i've got you know lots of stuff to talk about but if you have a question or comment i'm certainly happy to hear from it but i did want to talk about sexless marriages i'm not going to point any fingers obviously except for you, uh about a year ago somebody says a cvs employee was rather desperate to get me signed up for some new membership program. He told me CVS is worried Amazon will get into delivering prescriptions. Now Amazon has announced they will begin delivering medications. Yes, very tough. Very, very tough indeed.

[53:27] Sexless Marriages and Relationship Challenges

[53:27] Just hit a T if you wanted to add, or I can keep... I consider it a compliment if you want me to keep chatting, because I've got some very interesting stuff to talk about. But if you have questions, comments, issues, challenges, problems, criticisms, I'm more than happy to hear.

[53:42] All right, people are typing. It doesn't take that long to type a T, so I'll do the next one. Have you heard of this sexless marriage thing? Have you heard this sexless marriage thing? thing. Ah, so somebody wrote, today I gave up on sex with my wife. This is my version of a story told many times before. I, 27-year-old male, am going to stop initiating sex with my wife, 25-year-old female, because she never initiates. When we do have sex, it's only because I asked, and there's nothing sexy about it. All of my sweet talk, subtle gestures, etc. get me nowhere. we're. I absolutely understand that sex is not the be-all and end-all. We are extremely compatible and she's my best friend. I've heard the phrase, my partner feels more like a roommate, and this has helped me understand what I am feeling. She has expressed before that sex doesn't hold the same value in a relationship that I believe it does, which hurt to hear, but I have to respect her opinion. Before you comment, talk to her, I can assure you I have. We've had this discussion about every six months where I admit that I am sexually frustrated and want to talk about this in a completely neutral environment. Normally the conversation leads to her crying and I apologize, or she says she will be more open to initiating, which never happens. I'm ashamed to bring this to Reddit, but I need a third-party opinion. I love her so much. And it's hurting. Now this tweet got 22 million views.

[55:12] 22 million views. Now, do you know the data on sexless marriages? It's a wild thing to me. It's a wild thing to me. Let me just find my bookmark here. I don't know, people just, what, fall out of the habit or something like that. Okay. Certainly for old people, right? 92% of marriage respondents aged 65 to 80 reported no sexual intimacy in the past year. Should be no reason for that. And if you stay healthy. If you stay healthy. And yeah, the numbers are really, really tough. Really tough. So let me just get you some numbers here in a study examining the decision to remain in an involuntary celibate relationship 16% of married persons reported not having sex in a month prior to being studied, 12% of all married persons aged 18 to 60 reported not having had sex for at least 3 months prior to participating, in the study.

[56:34] So in their book, Why Men Stop Having Sex, psychologist Bob Berkowitz and his wife Susan Berkowitz report on their survey of 4,000 respondents, 33% males, 67% females, which focused on people who self-identified as men who had stopped having sex with their wives and women whose husbands had stopped having sex with them.

[56:56] And it's pretty rough. The first reason chosen by 68% of the men was she isn't sexually adventurous enough for me. This is the sort of lie back and think of England kind of thing. You're a plank. That's not great. The first reason chosen by 66% of the women was he lost interest and I don't know why. Another finding from the survey is that within the top five reasons given by men for not being sexual and for women thinking their spouses were no longer sexual was anger. Anger is a common aspect of sexless marriages. It is often a wall that disqualifies conversation and connection. So that is really, really rough. And I honestly, I didn't really hear about this. And I think I had some callers some time ago who were talking about being in a sexless marriage. and I sort of had to, hey, what? Hey, what? What does this mean? So the accepted rate of sexless marriages is somewhere between 10 and 20% of marriages.

[58:10] Now, that's a false statistic. All right, let's do our intelligence test, right? Why is 10 to 20% a false statistic for sexless marriages? You just donated at FDR. Thank you so much. Thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you, Adam. That's very kind. Thank you, Jeremy, for the donation. I appreciate that. Are you eager to hear the sexless marriage stuff? Well, the problem is you can't hear anything. There's no creaking, no screaming, no brace yourself. What's that? That's all called Scottish foreplay, brace yourself. Somebody says, I'm very interested in the sexless marriage topic. I know two men, one 30s, other 50s, who suffer from awful sexless marriages. I also know a woman who says her husband of 20 plus years is like a roommate. Ooh, chilly. This story is breaking my heart. Yeah, yeah. 80% are sexless, I'm guessing. No, no, I don't think so.

[59:12] He claims they are best friends but she doesn't seem to care about him being frustrated, 10 to 20 percent is false because grossly underreported painful to admit, well no i mean i think there is that aspect that some people won't, and also they if you've if you have a largely sexless marriage and the question is have you had sex in the last month or three months and maybe you have sex twice a year but it just happens to have fallen in that time frame then you would not be counted as a sexless marriage though for me four times a year would be sexless anything less than four times a day day i tell you like i'm not old um but no so the reason why it's false is that 10 to 20 is false is because.

[59:59] If you're in a sexless marriage a lot of people will get divorced and that's not counted because they're counting the sexless marriages that continue not the sexless marriages that have failed. Where people have gotten divorced. Does that make sense? Can women losing their looks also be a factor? Um, I don't think so. I don't think so. I mean, yeah, we fade, we age out a little bit, but if you stay in good shape, you should, I mean, you can be, I mean, look at Robert F. Kennedy Jr., whatever a crappy liberal lunatic he is who wants to jail people for questioning climate change. The guy's pretty buff and he's in his 70s, right? So you there's absolutely no reason you can't continue to look good as as you age i mean as good as when you were uh 20 well maybe even better right if you start exercising later, on his wife killed herself and he's on steroids okay i don't know about that but um let's say he is on steroids he still looks good right, so yes underreporting and the fact is that a lot of marriages that are sexless will will no longer be marriages and they wouldn't be counted as sexless marriages although they were sexless marriages if that makes sense.

[1:01:25] So, that is a huge challenge. So, this is from the UK, and if you've seen British Teeth, this will make more sense. A new survey, well, how new is this? So, 2018, right? So, it's six years ago. Passion killers include the menopause and having young children, but for the over 60s at least, not body confidence. So a new survey by GrantsNet and MomsNet an association with Relate has revealed, the ultimate taboo the truth about sex and the lack of it in relationships.

[1:02:04] Over a quarter 29% of GrantsNet and MomsNet users currently in relationships say that their relationship is sexless, according to the official definition no sex at all in the past year or fewer than 10 times in the past year 20% say they've had sex fewer than 10 times, and 8% say they've had no sex at all over the previous 12 months. Age seems to play a strong part, with the number of people saying they are in sexless relationships growing steadily through the age groups. Those who are in sexless marriages, sorry, those who are in sexless relationships included 18% of those under 30, 25% of those in their 30s, 28% of those in their 40s, 36% of those in their 50s, and 47% of those aged 60 or older. The big leap in sexless relationships between those in their 40s and those in their 60s might be down to menopause, which happens on average at 51 in the UK and can be associated with the physical discomfort that makes sex difficult. Almost a third of those over 60 say they've lost their libido since the menopause, and those over 60 are significantly more likely than the average to say they would like less sex, 11%. 3% of those over 60 say their partners would like less sex, right?

[1:03:22] But getting older has its benefits as body confidence surges noticeably. Over only 14% of those 60 or older who are having less sex than they or their partner would like said they were self-conscious about their bodies compared with 37% of under 30s. The survey confirms something that lots of parents will admit anecdotally, having young children is a passion killer. Those with no children are significantly less likely, 16%, than those with at least one child, 30%, to report they have had sex less than 10 times in the past year.

[1:03:54] So, we can go on and on. So, this is parents and over 50s, so it is going to be not, this is not representative of the population as a whole. But I think people in general are having less sex. Certainly for young people, they're having less sex because either pornography or just anxiety, awkwardness, dating apps, the general 80% of women going for 20% of the men and so on. So I think that there's a lot less sex in modern society. There was sort of a big bulge, so to speak. There was a big bulge in the 60s and 70s, in the 80s, and then with AIDS and so on, it began to fade out. and then there was more sex that happened after 9-11 because disasters tend to spur sexual behavior. It's a very R-selected stuff and I think it's really, really faded out as a whole and I think people are just not having as much sex. I mean, there's a small number of guys who are having a lot of sex and most women of reasonable levels of attractiveness can have as much sex as they want but they're not really, really going for it. So I think it's... It's pretty wretched. It's pretty wretched.

[1:05:18] Endocrine disruptors, birth control, bad food, etc. Yeah, I get that. Stress, for sure.

[1:05:27] But, do you know this study? I'm going to double-check on this. I hate getting things wrong with a deep passion, but I also like to be spontaneous. So, let me just make sure I get this right. Right. This is the data about women who come into money and men who come into money. I don't know if you've ever heard this data. So women who come into money and men who come into money. So they did a survey on people who win the lottery.

[1:06:09] So, a new study from Sweden has revealed that married women who win the lottery are far more likely to divorce their spouses than men who win the lottery.

[1:06:26] The study, entitled Fortunate Families, the Effects of Wealth on Marriage and Fertility, analyzed the short-term effects of large positive wealth acquisitions on marriage and fertility in Swedish lottery players. Researchers found that married women who win the lottery are almost twice as likely as married men to file for a divorce in the aftermath of a win compared to male lottery winners. Quote, when the winning player is a married woman, our estimates suggest that a one million Swedish kronor win-fall almost doubles the baseline short-run divorce rate.

[1:07:00] The study made a point of noting that winning the lottery as a woman doesn't cause more divorces, it simply accelerates them than for women who are already thinking about filing for divorce. Men who win the lottery actually lead to higher marriage rates and a reduced divorced risk. Quote, suggesting wealth increases men's attractiveness as prospective and current partners. Long-term divorce risk goes down when husbands win the lottery. A lottery win for men increases the chance of unmarried men getting married in the next five years after they win by 30%, while chances of married men getting divorced is reduced by 40%. Ah, they stay for the money. Not only are male winners much more likely to get or stay married, they also end up having more children. This trend was consistent regardless of whether the man was married or not. The study confirmed previous empirical studies that showed husbands with higher incomes or employment stabilizes marriages while the wife's income or employment increase has the opposite effect. So, fertility issues. The wealthier women get, the less children they want. The wealthier men get, the more children they want.

[1:08:07] Giving men money increases the marriage and birth rates giving women money decreases the marriage and birth rates it's not that complicated it's really really not that complicated, when you give women free money they have fewer children when you give men free money they have more children when you give women free money they get divorced more when you give men free money money, they get married more. And remember, the welfare state, the national debt, money printing is mostly designed to take money from men and give money to women. The entire aim of democracy, when women vote, is to take money from men and give it to women. And that kills marriage rates, and that kills birth rates.

[1:08:58] Now what is that yes.

[1:09:01] Sir go ahead.

[1:09:01] So kind of on the sexless marriage thing what it's not for me but it's for a friend per se so he's getting married in august and he already knows that he's going to have to be a quote-unquote passport bro because his wife was his fiance current fiance is going to withhold sex with him and put him in timeout. Long story short, I guess my question is, if you were in my shoes trying to counsel him away from this marriage, would you even try or what would you do? Because I see him stepping onto a landmine.

[1:09:40] But it's not a marriage. Yeah, it's not a marriage. A marriage is founded and cemented on sexuality sexuality, because that's what marriage is for, is to manage and control sexuality and the products of sexuality, which is children. So a sexless marriage is a contradiction in terms. Again, I'm going to just preface this by saying, if the woman is going through some horrible illness, and you know, obviously there's times and so on, right, that there's going to be times of more or less, right? And when you have a bunch of little kids all over the place, if you're homeschooling, You know, there's going to be times where there's less. So I get all of that, right? But we're just talking in general. There's no such thing as a sexless marriage. That's a complete contradiction in terms.

[1:10:26] That's like saying a costly income. An honest politician, like these things don't, a short answer from me, right? These things just don't exist. There's no such thing as a sexless marriage. You can call it a marriage if you want, but it's not a marriage because a marriage is founded upon the management and control of sexuality. The reason we have marriage is because of sexuality, the dimorphic nature of our reproduction, and so that is why we have marriage, is because of sexuality. So a sexless marriage is not a marriage. And so he can say that he's getting married, but he's not. And a sexless marriage is not cemented, right? Right? Sexuality is, it's, pair bonding is sexuality. I mean, of course there's love and respect, but you can have love and respect without sexuality. But for human beings, pair bonding is sexuality.

[1:11:22] And so, you can't be pair-bonded without sexuality, because pair-bonding is evolved to manage and retain the connection of partners who are having children, because you need both people to raise the children to be fully committed. So, there is no marriage without sexuality. Now, sexuality alone doesn't make a marriage, but it's necessary, but not sufficient. I mean, there's a good marriage, which is, you know, virtue, respect, love, and so on. So I would say, and particularly, here's the funny thing too, right? This is the funny thing too, right? So as a whole, I'm really going to go here, right? So as a whole, women like successful men, right? They really, really like successful men. Successful men tend to have a lot of high testosterone. I don't want to make this causal because for men, success gives you more testosterone and more testosterone gives you more success. It's a virtuous cycle, right? Right? So women want tough, aggressive, successful men, and that means a high sex drive. Right? So if, for instance, for the ladies, if you want a successful man, he's going to have a high sex drive. And the more successful a man you want, the higher sex drive he's going to have. And if you don't give him sex, it's going to be really tough for him to stay successful.

[1:12:50] Because what for, right? What for? So it's funny just that women want all the positive economic attributes of high status, high success, high team men, and that comes along with a high sex drive. And I just think that's the deal. Like, wanting a man to be successful without accepting that gives him a higher-than-normal sex drive is like a guy wanting a woman to be really attractive, but for no one else to notice that she's attractive. Right? Never. I mean, it's just not a possibility. ability.

[1:13:36] And of course, I've talked about this before, that it's important for men to keep women happy, and it's important for women to keep men happy. And men do things to keep women happy, and women need to do things to keep men happy. That's the deal you make when you say you become one flesh that you work very hard to keep each other happy and it shouldn't be work because the other person's happiness should be your happiness.

[1:14:09] You know my my daughter got interested in a show recently and we watched it through twice i don't really like the show but uh we because it gave her a great happiness and she loves telling me about the lore she's really into the lore the history of these various things video games have about this lore and so on. And she's so delighted to tell me that it brings me happiness to hear what she's talking about, though I could care less about video game lore. I just like shooting demons or something like that. But it should be, you know, when my wife is a vegetarian, she's lactose intolerant, and so it's tough for her to get a good meal. So when we find a place where she can get a good meal out, I'm thrilled to go there. And, you know, half of our family is debating to make each other happy where we're going to eat, right? I like a good steak, but I don't want my wife to just have to order french fries and a salad, right? And so I, you know, whereas my wife wants to enjoy a meal, but she also knows that I enjoy a good steak. So we're all just trying to be very nice, and sometimes it's a bit paralyzing. But you focus on the other person's happiness because their happiness is your happiness.

[1:15:19] And what I've understood about male and female sexuality, is that men want to have sex often more than women, but women enjoy sex as much as men. And that does mean that the man is going to have to initiate sometimes more. So you just deal with that. I mean, that's the way that men have, what, like 15 times or 17 times the testosterone levels of women? And it's not the only factor but yeah, as a man you're going to have to initiate more. That doesn't mean you're unattractive it just means that men and women are different. You don't want your wife to be a man if you're straight and women, you don't want your husband to be a woman if you're straight and that means you're going to have to accept some differences and there's some benefits and there's some minuses. Men tend to be more decisive, more direct and tend not to overthink things and don't get as clogged up by social disapproval. And that's a strength. It's also a weakness. And women tend to be more concerned with other people's opinions and they tend to be more concerned with the beauty of the interior and exterior of the living space and so on. And that is a strength and a weakness. And men and women are designed to fit together and work together in a beautiful and complementary fashion.

[1:16:47] So if a man if you take it personally that you have to initiate sex more you're missing the whole point if you didn't have to if you didn't have to initiate sex more you'd be married to a dude.

[1:17:01] So I don't like it just seems to me I want a lovely feminine woman with as high a sex drive as I have well that's you know not usually really the thing that's not really the case so I don't you know, Wanting to have a partner who has all the strengths that you have and none of the weaknesses you have is wanting someone who's not the opposite sex. Or not right so i don't know if this makes any sense but no i i would say to my friend uh no you are going to set yourself up for a life of frustration and torment and pornography addictions and fantasizing and potential affairs and just a mess just a mess.

[1:17:51] And, sorry, last thing I say, like, I remember going on a date once with a woman who announced at the beginning that she just didn't have really much of a sex drive. She enjoyed it on occasion. And I was like, yeah, okay, you know, I have no issue with that. I mean, that's, but it's not for me, right? I couldn't live like that in a million years.

[1:18:08] So you know shook hands uh and wished her well but you know she's going to need to find some low testosterone guy and then she's going to be upset because he's not successful and can't fight for what's his due in the in this hurly-burly rough and tumble world so but yeah i just i wouldn't i wouldn't date uh i wouldn't get involved in a relationship or a marriage where the woman had a low sex drive i mean that would just be uh it would just be torture i mean that that would be for me, that would be like, you know, some women, and it's true of some men too, but I'm talking as a man, some women are very sedentary, right? They don't like to go anywhere. They don't like to do anything. They don't like to, and it doesn't mean that they're overweight or anything, but they just don't like to move. And, you know, of course I met my wife playing volleyball and then first weekend we went away together. We went dirt biking and fantastic stuff. Like I'm an active kind of guy. This is why, you know, these shows are kind of nice. If I'm doing them, I can actually walk around rather than just sit in front of a camera. I'm just, I'm a moving kind of guy. When I sit, I feel like I'm slowly being gazed at by Medusa and Tony DeStone.

[1:19:18] Family Adventures and Compatibility

[1:19:18] So you just need, you know, the fact that my wife is, I might have called her action wife from the very beginning because she's very adventurous and does wild, and she's gone ziplining over crocodiles. She's, you know, she's really adventurous. We go dune buggying. We went dune buggying once.

[1:19:35] And just, you know, really, she's up for just about anything, and she's very adventurous, and she likes to move. So that's compatible, right? And so if he's marrying a woman... Uh with with a low sex drive uh or was it is it no sex drive is it like what's the story there.

[1:19:56] Yeah i mean long story short she's hitting the jackpot on him he's a blue-blooded haitian um and she's dominican from like lower lower class lower economic class i knew them both in college and long story short after college they separated and he got back with their, end of 2023 and proposed in january of 24 and i was just like dude like trust and believe if she went and got her master's in the northeast and you were in the southeast trust and believe that she fooled around right um sorry.

[1:20:37] But why did he propose to her.

[1:20:39] I i mean so after chonk like fleshing it out from him he says that if he knows that he's married and that he has a kid on the way he's going to work a lot harder um just in because he's going to go get a nba he wants to get this cfa and become like president of a bank. And he says having a woman or having a kid and being married just puts more pressure. And it took me a few months to get that out of him.

[1:21:13] Is she classy?

[1:21:16] Classy? No, I would, I mean, to be, I'd call her an adjustable five.

[1:21:25] No, I don't just mean in terms of looks. I mean, does she understand how the wealth of wealth and status works? Can she talk to other wives of CXOs? Does she have sophistication in the realm of art and finance and the world? Is she classy? It doesn't necessarily mean, which, I mean, I didn't grow up rich, but I'm classy. Is she going to be a wife who can socialize and move easily among wealthy people?

[1:21:57] So, I mean, from the time that I spent around her, about three years, she's really abrasive.

[1:22:06] Okay, so she's not going to be an asset to him, and she's going to limit his career. Because a man at the highest circles is going to be judged by his partner.

[1:22:18] Yeah um yeah i brought that.

[1:22:22] Every every single investor that i've ever had wants to socialize with me and my partner oh i guess my wife now right and because they want to know what your judgment is like they want to know what your self-esteem is like they want to know what your, sensitivity to status is like they want to know that you make good decisions now especially if If you're starting out, and it sounds like he's starting out, they're going to say, okay, so we're going to have to figure out whether you make good decisions before we give you a million dollars to start a business or before we hire you and put you in charge of a $10 million budget, right? Like when I was in the software field, I had a multi-million dollar budget that I had to manage. And people want to know, do you make good decisions? And especially when you're starting out, they want to look at your partner and say, well, here's an example of a decision you've made. This is the person you chose to marry and if you've made a bad decision with that if that's not a decision that people can really respect and look up to they won't hire you they won't give you the money they just won't.

[1:23:26] Yeah that makes sense and something that i put towards him that was huge especially for this potential kids is that he's politically conservative and she's politically liberal and i don't mean liberal like fiscally conservative and socially liberal i mean she's like i mean staying off of politics she's just with the current thing okay um so but can she be reasoned i mean look.

[1:23:59] Everyone grows up with bad information lord knows i did so but can she be reasoned with i.

[1:24:06] Mean he in that area he just taps out of the conversation.

[1:24:11] So she can't be reasoned with?

[1:24:13] Exactly.

[1:24:14] Okay. So how are they going to resolve disputes? How are they going to resolve disagreements if she can't be reasoned with?

[1:24:22] Honesty and Decision Making

[1:24:23] And that's what I told him. And where I'm caught is he wants me to travel to his wedding in August across the country. And I'm like, why do I or why should I put my time into something that I do not support, that I've spoken against? But I want to do it because he's my good friend. So that's where I'm kind of just like, I'm stuck. stuff.

[1:24:50] All right. And has he done the research on how best to raise biracial kids?

[1:24:56] No, he hasn't. So he doesn't care about this stuff.

[1:25:00] What the hell is he getting married for?

[1:25:03] Well, I mean, they're both you could say black. He's Haitian and she's Dominican.

[1:25:08] Oh, sorry. I thought you said blue-eyed. My mistake. Sorry. My bad.

[1:25:12] Blue blood. Blue blood.

[1:25:13] So he's Haitian and she's Dominican. Okay, so still biracial, but right, okay. So, I mean, which culture and which identity are they going to be slightly gravitate towards and all of that, right? The biracial kids have some challenges, right? I'm sure they can be overcome, but it's really important to be aware of them. Okay so he wants to be a top level person but he's got a fairly low he's going to marry a fairly low rent uh wife and she has and they can't resolve disputes based on reason and evidence so right and now are they christians yeah.

[1:25:51] They're both christians.

[1:25:52] Okay so is she willing to let him take the lead in the marriage and to submit to him.

[1:25:59] So I haven't gotten that far with him yet, but I just told him, I was like, as a friend, you need to set the tone early on if you go through with this.

[1:26:09] Sorry, how do you set the tone after you get married? I don't understand. That's like saying you really need to be careful about which car you buy after you buy the car.

[1:26:19] Well, as I know, we were talking before he got engaged and before he proposed.

[1:26:22] And did he listen?

[1:26:24] Hell no. He didn't listen to me or his father, and I was like.

[1:26:28] Oh, so his father is saying don't marry the woman.

[1:26:31] Yeah, exactly. I mean, I told, this is my friend, I said, hey, look, I found a private investigation firm for you in her metro area because you live a thousand miles away.

[1:26:44] Impact of Family Dynamics on Marriage

[1:26:44] And if you come from, he comes from pretty good money. Like what's going on in Haiti with the crisis in the military? Like he's not even, it doesn't affect whatsoever. He's insulated. it'd be like in an american sense it'd be like part of the politically elite or i guess in canada maybe being part of like a trudeau extension somewhere kind of bulletproof yeah i mean maybe literally he has to be right right yeah so it's like she's marrying up he has all this ambition all these things that he wants to do and all she brings to the table is i like, And I'm like, it's sorry. All she brings to the table.

[1:27:31] Is what I didn't is.

[1:27:33] That he likes her to me. It's just frustrating.

[1:27:36] What does he like? Is she, is she super pretty? Is she super sexy? But that doesn't really matter if she doesn't want to have sex. Right.

[1:27:43] Yeah. And that's the thing. I genuinely had no clue. I kind of, I feel as if there was something in his childhood that he hasn't overcome because I told him, I'm like, there's nothing. And I said it politely. I don't see why someone of your stature would go for someone at that level, not just at class, but just her demeanor.

[1:28:10] And sorry, and has she already indicated that she will prefer a low or no sex marriage?

[1:28:18] Well, me and him talked about it in depth and she was like, you know, my fiance is already mentally. She's stressed out she's feeling this type of way because of the crisis in my home country and i'm there now i already know that as i get once i have kids i'm gonna have to travel because i can't cheat on my spouse in the states because i'll i'll be exposed pretty easily so it's like he's going in knowing that he has to have an affair huh consistent out of the country so.

[1:28:53] Isn't she just going to take half his money.

[1:28:55] I'm that's what i'm trying well i gave up on telling them but i'm like do i still go to his marriage his ceremony well.

[1:29:07] Ken are you christian.

[1:29:11] I mean, I was raised Christian, but I wouldn't claim the identity so much. I would just say I was raised Christian in that colors, the view.

[1:29:23] But thou shalt not bear false witness, I assume, is fairly important, right?

[1:29:28] Yes, of course.

[1:29:30] Okay. So can you honestly celebrate this wedding, or are you going to be lying through your teeth?

[1:29:38] I will be lying through my teeth.

[1:29:40] So, when they say, does anybody know of any reason why this marriage is not a good idea, are you going to lie?

[1:29:50] Ooh, man.

[1:29:52] You sounded like the ghoul there from Fallout. I don't know if you've seen it. Ooh, it's a great actor. Are you going to lie at a wedding?

[1:30:04] I was going to. You know, it's funny. I thought about that. I was going to keep my mouth shut just to make him happy as a friend, because I've already said my piece to him plenty of times.

[1:30:19] Yes, but if you go, you're there to celebrate.

[1:30:24] Okay.

[1:30:24] Right?

[1:30:27] Yeah.

[1:30:28] You're not there to give a speech which says, I'm betting against the marriage continuing, and I sure wish I got 10% of what she's going to pull out of his ass with her lawyers, because it's going to be a lot of fucking money.

[1:30:40] Yeah you're.

[1:30:41] Not going to be doing that right.

[1:30:42] No not alone okay.

[1:30:45] So you're going to be going up there and and you're going to be giving a little speech there.

[1:30:49] No damn are.

[1:30:53] You going to be giving a speech my brother are you going to.

[1:30:56] Be giving a speech no i'm not i i know i won't give a speech i won't do well you're not that close.

[1:31:03] Then wouldn't he want you to give a speech if you're close.

[1:31:08] Uh so i so since i've known both of them three years in school it's been a sheesh quite some time now it's like i've told him even when he first met the girl and started dating her, how i felt about her um so i kind of feel as if i'm beating a dead horse so.

[1:31:31] Why does he want you there if he knows you don't approve of the marriage in fact you strongly disapprove of the marriage from what i can see.

[1:31:38] Because so he's from blue blood and i'm from say red blood pretty much like lower economic classes and what i've done with my life and how i've turned it around reminds him of his father and what he did okay i just carved him into solid rock.

[1:31:59] Now, does your friend have his own money, or is it largely family money?

[1:32:04] Largely family money.

[1:32:06] So why doesn't his father cut him off if he goes against him? He's going to lose the money, right?

[1:32:15] Yeah, because his dad isn't bankrolling the marriage either. He's paying for it out of pocket.

[1:32:21] No, no, but what I mean is, why doesn't he cut him out of the... Let's say you marry this woman, you're out of the will. You want to go against my advice? no problem but you got to make it on your own if you don't respect me enough to take my advice then surely you wouldn't want my money.

[1:32:37] So that i don't know all of the intimate details with that um i.

[1:32:42] Just it bothers me when when fathers don't actually show any real authority it just bothers me you know it's like if the kid is It's like, hey, you know, does his father have credibility in the realm of marriage?

[1:33:00] I mean, I don't know his dad, but they've been married. You only have one marriage partner and two kids.

[1:33:05] Okay, so he's got some reason to be respected when it comes to marriage. So if his son is going to engage in a bad marriage where he's already planning to have affairs, I mean, if I were the dad and my son was doing this, I would try and talk my son out of it. I'd give all the reasons why. And if my son decided to go ahead, then I would say, okay, then if you don't respect my advice, if you don't respect me as a moral person, if you don't respect my ethics and my arguments, then any money that I've made out of my ethics and my arguments, you wouldn't want, because you wouldn't want the bad fruit of a bad tree. So, I will liberate you from the will, so you don't end up touching any of the assets that I've gathered through being a good person, because you don't think I'm that good a person, and therefore you wouldn't want any of the fruits of that. So, I'll liberate you from any responsibility regarding inheritance.

[1:34:06] Man. Sheesh.

[1:34:09] But that's authority, isn't it?

[1:34:11] Yeah. Yeah, you can't help but respect that, either.

[1:34:16] Well, I mean, respect or not, that would be the fact. I mean, if you want to go your own way, go your own way. That means don't take my money. You know, like if some son said to his father, I think you're a shitty, dishonest businessman, man, but I really want you to invest in my startup, what would the father say?

[1:34:48] That part, one more time, I was just looking at the chat. My bad.

[1:34:51] If a son were to say to his father, I think you're a bad and dishonest businessman, and I want you to invest in my startup, what would the father say?

[1:35:01] Oh, he'd say, get lost.

[1:35:03] Yeah, if you don't think I'm a good person, then why would you want my dirty money? And if you won't take my advice as a happily married man, and you're already planning, This isn't a subjective thing. You're already planning on having affairs before you even get married, and you're Christian. So you're already planning on how to have affairs. That's a terrible situation. And so if I'm telling you don't marry this girl, then if you're right and it's going to be a great marriage, then the reason I would tell you not to is because I don't want you to be happy. I'm a bad father. I'm a bad person. I just want to sabotage you. It's like, okay, so if I'm a bad father and a bad person, you clearly wouldn't want any of my money.

[1:35:58] And maybe that would cause some problems and some estrangement. Maybe it would stop the marriage, maybe it wouldn't, I don't know. But there will come a time when your friend is going to wake up, as all people do, from bad decisions. And if you're going into a marriage planning on how you're going to have an affair, and how you're going to hide it, and where you have to go in order to hide it, and that's your approach to a marriage, then you're a terrible Christian, and you're a terrible family man, and you're going to get taken to the cleaners. And a woman who's willing to marry a man who's already planning on having affairs, to me, would be a predatory gold digger. Like, why else would you marry a man who's already planning on cheating on you? I don't know these people. Obviously, I can't tell for sure, but that would be my first thought.

[1:36:55] Yeah, and something to add to your point about red flags or my point about red flags, I had told them, I was like, yeah, I mean, I'm guessing you guys are going to have joint accounts and everything, joint bank accounts. The house will be in both your names and whatnot. not and my friend was like no she actually wants to have her own we both have our own finances, um separate really what i mean she bringing much money to the table.

[1:37:29] Sorry i don't quite understand.

[1:37:29] Six figures six figures okay, And so.

[1:37:41] And that's the red flag. I mean, yeah, I don't understand this. I've heard of these married couples. It's gross to me that these married couples are like, well, I have my bank account and he has his bank account and I write my check for half of this and I do my laundry, but not his. And what if you make your side of the bed, but not hers? That's just so unbelievably petty and ridiculous. ridiculous i don't understand separate finances you're supposed to be one flesh you're supposed to be one person i don't have separate bank accounts for my left and right hand, so you know i i don't know whether you should go or not but uh i wouldn't go to a holy place and whether you're christian or not it's holy to them right i wouldn't go to a holy place and bear false witness. I don't think there's any amount of money in the world that would make me go to a holy place and bear false witness.

[1:38:38] Okay, makes sense. So yeah, I'll call him and I'll tell him, I'll just say, hey, I can't honestly celebrate your decision. I feel as if that's going to really tarnish our friendship. But if it does, it means we weren't friends to begin with.

[1:38:55] Well, okay, you can look at it that way for sure. I'm not disagreeing with you. But I think a more important thing is, do you want to be friends with someone whose marriage is going to descend into hell in fairly short order? Because he's going to be calling you up, and he's going to be miserable, and he's going to be frustrated, and then he's going to get divorced, and he's going to have lawyers go after him, and he's just going to be a wreck. And he's going to be that way because he didn't listen to you, or his father. Right? So do you want that amount of suffering? And if he's got kids, the kids are going to be involved, and maybe she's going to make allegations against him. It's so often the case in divorce. and like do you want to spend the next five years of your life propping up a friend's disasters that could have easily been prevented if he just listened to you and or his father because he's not gonna be the same guy now maybe maybe he won't get divorced maybe he'll just be going to have affairs now you say hey man how's it going and he's like yeah you know i just went to this place and i had sex with this like or he's gonna say you know marriage is bad because you know she She won't touch me or, you know, like I got an STD or I got some woman pregnant in Manila or like, I don't know, whatever, right? In Laos. So do you want this seedy mess in your life?

[1:40:19] No, I definitely don't. Yeah, I mean, it's where, I mean, you pretty much helped me figure out the answer. It's just like tell him be honest with him where i stand i'll just put it out there the way that i feel is that i feel it's like i'm going to take a punch in the gut because i told him, i'll be there to support you and i already gave him my word um so that's where going back on my word is like so what do you mean what do you.

[1:40:57] Mean when you say support you'd be there to support him What does that mean?

[1:41:03] Just another body, another face in the audience.

[1:41:06] No, I understand what being there means. You'll be there, I get that. You'll be a face in the audience. The question was support. What does support him mean? You don't support him. You don't support this decision.

[1:41:19] It just means, so one way, the way that I see it is, I mean, a case in point would be like, let's just say, have your daughter likes a video game lore and you don't necessarily, this is a terrible comparison.

[1:41:35] It really is, but go for it, man. Yeah.

[1:41:37] Terrible comparison. But it's like how your daughter likes a video game lore and you don't particularly care for it, but because that's your daughter, you love her, you want to encourage her, all that stuff. You go at it and you support her and you take part in it. I don't view him as a child at all. I view him as a brother to him. We're a few thousand miles away from each other, but we've had some authentic, honest conversations over the years. Some pretty deep, heartfelt ones. And what I mean by support is just like, all right, I don't understand necessarily why you're taking this action, why you're doing this. But because we have some we have good credit together i'm gonna go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt and just go so therefore you don't have any we don't have any bad blood towards each other.

[1:42:42] Okay that's all sounds very sicilian uh i want.

[1:42:47] Bad vows.

[1:42:48] Right on bad vows All right. So they're Christians, right? And what are they going to say to each other? Are they going to say before God himself? Now, whether you believe or not, they believe, right? So, they are going to go in front of Almighty God and say, forsaking all others, aren't they?

[1:43:27] Yes, they are.

[1:43:29] And is your friend going to be bearing false witness in these most holy and sacred of vows before Almighty God? Is he going to lie through his teeth? Because he has no plans of forsaking all others. In fact, he's planning to forsake her for others.

[1:43:58] Is going to have to lie through his teeth.

[1:44:00] To God himself on the most holy day in his life. You think you can trust this man? He'll lie to God? You don't think he'll lie to you?

[1:44:17] That's a good point. That is a good point.

[1:44:26] Oh man, I'll lie to Almighty God, but I got your back, bro. Also, and this is a good point, somebody's saying, also, he's going to tell you about the cheating and then you're going to hang out with his wife. And you're going to have to keep his secrets.

[1:44:52] Will you have this woman as your lawfully wedded wife to live together after God's ordinance in the holiest state of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health for richer and for poorer, forsaking all others and keep yourself only to her for as long as you both shall live? I do. And the lightning bolt blows his testicles through the stained glass. And you know it's a lie, and you're there cheering, breaking bread, drinking your glass, you know it's a lie. I couldn't, man. I don't know what you should do. I don't know. I'm just telling you that there's going to be a price to pay. There's going to be a price to be paid. I don't know what that price is going to be, but it's going to have to be paid. by you.

[1:46:00] Yeah, that's true. I mean, that's why I haven't bought a ticket, haven't got a hotel. None of that, because it's like, wait, I don't support this. Like, I don't agree with this. Sure. I called a friend about it. I was like, dude, are you going? He's like, no. No. And I asked him why, and he was like, well, I wasn't invited.

[1:46:24] That's it, right? It just wasn't invited.

[1:46:27] Yeah.

[1:46:27] I hate it when you don't get that invitation to hell, man. That's tough. You know, Satan is just like, you're not invited. Like, oh, man, I can't go. Anyway, sorry. Go ahead.

[1:46:37] Yeah, no, I mean, it's just kind of like, I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's, I want to, you bring up a good point. Right. And I mean, you pretty much helped me see the answer that I need to, or the decision that I need to make. But I guess the only, not even a but, it's just, I have to be honest with him. And if I'm being honest with you about this friend of mine, I mean, he does have his flaky ways, but I've tended to overlook, which is just not following through on his own word, his own commitments. I used to, long story short, like a little business group, we'd have accountability meetings every week about the things that you had done, call them leading indicators, and you're lagging results.

[1:47:39] Yeah.

[1:47:40] And I always had to whip him up like, dude, what is stopping you? Like, what is going on? Like, these are your promises. These are your goals. These are your commitments. This does not have any impact on me. You're coming to a group with me, some of my friends. I got people that I know. You're just one of a selected few. What the hell? What's going on? How come I can't get you to be here on time? You always sound defeated. Dude, figure it out. So it was always a lot of like redirection and motivation with them. And it's like, man, I can't. Okay, if you're late, just to me, it's just like, hey, just shut up, fall in line, say your part and leave. Don't come in and make a scene. Hey, guys, I'm so tired and a lot going on. Nobody cares. I don't care. We're here for a 10-minute meeting on a Monday morning at 6 a.m. Everyone has a busy life we got 10 minutes we don't need to hear you lament for three of those minutes.

[1:48:54] Right um.

[1:48:57] So yeah he has that trait to him that's very irritating and.

[1:49:01] Yeah and it could be that his father's really i'm sure his father is extraordinary and then there's a regression to the mean where he's more average so maybe he's in over his depth and he's got you know this is quite common in families right they call this racks the richest racks in three generations right So maybe it could be that. And he's going to say, you know what he's going to say? Oh, I know what he's going to say. You say, if you say I'm not coming, what is he going to say? You promised! Right?

[1:49:27] He's not going to say that. He's just going to say, what he would probably say is, you know, I get it, I understand. And we probably just part ways. That's what I would assume.

[1:49:37] Oh, so he wouldn't even try and understand or even further? Yeah, because if he did say, you promised, or you gave me your commitment, you'd be like, well, but I didn't give a commitment to forsake all others in front of God, and you're going to give that commitment knowing you're going to break it. So, I really don't think we should talk about broken commitments as a whole, but if he's not going to even say that, yeah, you have to be able to disagree with your friends and you'll still be friends. Friends otherwise the friendship is just based on conformity and and that's not real it's not honest it's not genuine all friends disagree and that's helpful you i mean if you're doing something wrong you desperately need people to disagree with you so yeah i'm sorry that this come to this but you know you're probably saving yourself a lot of suffering by not getting involved in this marriage i can't stand being around bad marriages like i can't i had many many many many years ago i had a friend who was things were just getting worse and worse with his wife over time, and I just had to bail. Like, I would give them some advice, and I'm not too terrible at that. I'd give them some advice. They just wouldn't listen. And I just, like, they ended up getting divorced years after I stopped. I just couldn't. I just couldn't. And just being around bad marriages is just toxic for the soul. It's just horrible. It's a big window into hell. I don't want to do it.

[1:51:00] Yeah, that makes sense. I appreciate it.

[1:51:03] You're welcome. Listen, great, great topic to bring up. And I sympathize. I really do. You know, it's tough when friends that we have prior to big life decisions start making bad big life decisions. That is a tough situation to be in. And I really do sympathize with that. And sometimes it's just a band-aid off situation that can help that way. All right. Well, yeah, drop me a line, please. Let me know. Let me know how it goes. I really would appreciate that.

[1:51:27] Uh okay i think i'll close it off tonight uh how how are you guys if you'd want to just you know either give me a brief thing audio or just type how was it for you having one of these, kinds of shows i like it in in some ways uh i think there's some cool stuff about being able to just bring up topics drop topics um and that was interesting to me but of course you are the the donors you are in charge i am your willing well-greased philosophy slave and uh how did you how did you find it as a whole you liked it it's very good i think it's interesting yeah i think it's interesting and you know when people are more chatty sometimes nice to see a real-time convo yeah i like that too and you know it's a great topic to bring up and i really do sympathize and appreciate the conversation so yeah maybe we can maybe we can do this once a week instead of If Mia was having to be in the studio, that would be kind of nice. And it does give me a chance to sort of grab things and read them and get topics going off that way. And, you know, we've got a nice variety of topics. So, yeah, good to hear. Maybe we'll do this on Friday nights, see how people think. And we'll also get people's feedback if you're listening to this later.

[1:52:41] It's also nice to have an opportunity to talk instead of just writing in the chat. Yeah, I think that's right. I think that's right. I think we could also do Zoom, too, at some point. But I think this works out pretty well. So, yeah, thanks, everyone. If you enjoyed this, slash donate. We'd really appreciate your help with the show. And if you're listening to this later, slash donate. Don't forget to check out all of the great bonuses and goodies. You can go to to check out all the bonuses you get when you support the show. You can go to You can go to slash freedomain. And don't forget to check out F-D-R-U-R-A-L dot com slash tick tock. T-I-K-T-O-K. I really do appreciate that. All right. Thank you. Have yourself a beautiful night. I will talk to you guys on Sunday. You will donate and support for Friday night Skype calls. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. Free domain dot com slash donate. Lots of love, everyone. Take care. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

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