Caller's Email

Hey Stef, I watch your 'punish women video' Where you analyzed someone's dream. I had a dream last night and want to know your thoughts.

The scene starts in a class, an Asian man was in the front teaching his students, he was wearing a blue suit with a long back, and a white dress shirt with a lapel, or bib sawn into the collar. He had a belt and black dress pants. And I made a mental note that he was impeccably dressed. The scene then changes. Me and the class(3-4 people)are sitting around a desk, discussing something.

This is where the story goes a little foggy, I don't remember what we where talking about, but I made some philosophical arguments. Like an actual argument in my dream, which i could break down if I remembered what it was about. In that instance I felt confident in my words and logic, and thought my arguments where good. The scene then shifts, to me in class struggling with something, the teacher off the side not happy either. This part is also foggy as when I was dreaming this all made sense, and if I remembered I could explain the situation. Later on, the teacher, wearing the same outfit, but in red, was talking to another man. He laughed load as he talked the other man was in a standard black/bluish suit with a diagonally striped tie that wend white, black, red. not sure with was first the black or red. He was more tame, and stood there with his hands rested behind his back, looking over the class he didn’t seem to enjoy the conversation as much, but smiled nonetheless.

The Next scene was me sleeping, I didn't open my eyes but as I woke up I could see around me. This is prob when I became lucid because I could remember the parts after in much more detail. But back to the sleeping. So I woke up, but my eyes where closed, and I noticed that I was resting on the back of the car. Not in the trunk, my shoulder was on the back window of the car and my feet extended past the trunk. I didn't know where i was, or how I got there, but thought it would be weird if the driver noticed that I'm on his back window. When he turned right, I jumped off of the car. I noticed that my feet where not cold walking on the snow, as I didn't have any shoes, I went back towards the opposite direction the car was going in to see if I could recognize the surrounding area. While I was walking I noticed some people at a house, and asked them for help. There was a group of about 2-3 men there and they seemed to know me. They asked me what I was doing there, seeming very confused, one asked why I wasn't wearing shoes. I told them 'I had no idea'. The next moment I noted 3 men opposite the road from us standing there ominously, and another set of men on the sidewalk in the left turn of the road. I could feel the danger and thought I was getting ambushed.

The guys also noticed and said they had weapons stored in a van just up the road. we discreetly moved to the van hoping we didn't get attacked. They opened the van and each picked up a set of rifles, and guns. I went around the back of the car, and didn't take any guns, I was planning to hide in case of a gun fight. In anticipation of an attack, the guys where in the front left of the van on the sidewalk just waiting. In the distance I could see a police car, coming down the road. The car was a very expensive car with the police lights on top of it, Lambo maybe? The guys hid there guns as to not get caught, and I had hoped that the car would just pass us by. The car turned into the driveway in front of the van and I tried to distance myself from the other guys. I had a thought that I would be put in jail because I would be associated with them. Then because I didn't want to go to jail. I made myself wake up.


[0:00] Hey Steph, I watched your Punished Woman video and I saw that you analyzed someone's dream.

Dreaming of an impeccably dressed Asian teacher

[0:06] I had a dream last night and I want to know what your thoughts are.
The scene starts with me in class. An Asian man is in front teaching the students.
He's wearing a blue suit with a long back and a white dress shirt with a lapel or bib sewn to the collar.

[0:22] He had a black belt and had dress pants.
and i made a mental note about how impeccably dressed he was the scene changed with me and the class with about three or four people sitting around sitting around a desk um discussing something there was a story that so this is where the story gets foggy right um i don't remember what we were talking about but i know it was something we were making actual philosophical arguments um i cannot remember exactly what they were but if i could i could actually break them them down there were actual arguments um i felt that my words and logic were were worth right and i felt confidence in in my arguments um but the next scene shifts to me struggling class with something the teacher off to the side is not happy either this part is also foggy um as i don't know exactly why if i if i remembered i could explain it as well um if i ever if i um uh later on so later on the teacher was wearing the same outfit but in red and was talking to another teacher where he laughed very loudly agoriously um he talked about uh he talked to the other man who was um who was standing there on hand behind his back was wearing a black suit um with the a diagonally strapped tie with a black red and white I believe.

[1:49] He was more tame and stood there and he didn't seem to be as interested in the conversation as the taller Asian guy. Um, The next scene was me sleeping.

[2:02] I didn't open my eyes, but as I woke up, I could see around me.
This was probably when I was lucid because I could remember the parts after in more detail than before in the classroom.
So back to when I was sleeping. So I woke up, but my eyes were closed, and I noticed that I was resting on the back of the car.
I had a set of images here if you want to reference it all. Those are all.
So not like in the trunk, but I was on the back window of the car, and my feet were extending past the trunk.
I didn't know where I was or how I got there, but I thought it was weird that the driver didn't notice I was on his back window.
When I turned right, I jumped off the car. So when he turned right, sorry, as he was crossing one of the roads, it was in the suburb, he crossed one of the roads to the right.
I got off the car, so he wouldn't notice that I was actually on his back window.
Um, as, as I obviously, um, landed, I didn't have any shoes and I thought it was really weird that my feet weren't cold.
Um, I went the opposite direction that where he was driving to see if I could recognize, you know, where I was, the surrounding area.
While I was walking, I noticed there were some people at a house and I asked him for help.
There was a group of about two or three men there and they seem to know me.
Um, they asked me what I was doing there and seemed very confident. evidence.

[3:28] Sorry, they seemed very confused. They want to ask me why I wasn't wearing any clothes and what I was doing there. Obviously, I told them I had no idea.
The next moment, I noticed about three men on the opposite road standing there, honestly, on the other side of the sidewalk where the driver instead of left to the right side.
I noticed some men over there as well. And I thought I felt kind of danger.
I felt like I was getting ambushed. the guys there that was with me the three guys I was talking to before they noticed as well and they said they had weapons in the van just up the road.

[4:03] We moved discreetly to the van hoping that we didn't get ambushed or attacked they opened the van and each picked out a set of rifles, guns, something like that and obviously I went to the back of the car as I didn't want to take any guns.
I was planning to hide in case of a gunfight in anticipation of the attack um the guys um were um in the front of the car at least behind um so behind the car there was the the car was in between them and the guys that were i guess when they're on the opposite road from us just in case of uh an attack and we were just waiting there um in this distance i could see a police car coming down the road the car was uh very expensive it wasn't like a normal old police car was like an expensive car but had police lights on it. A Lambo, I'm not sure what it was.
The guys hid their guns and did not want to get caught and I had hoped that the car would just pass by. Um.

Dreaming of a Car Turned Driveway and Hiding Weapons

[5:05] Sorry, uh, the car turned. So, oh yeah. So as the car was driving, um, down the road, it turned into the driveway just above where the van was with the weapons and all the guys, you know, with the, with the weapons hiding there, hiding weapons.
And I tried to distance myself from the other guys. So as to look like I wasn't part of them.
Um, obviously I didn't want to go to jail. So I woke myself up and that's, uh, that's the story.

[5:29] Right. Right. So it's a great dream. So a great, a great dream. All right.
so you got the asian guy at the beginning so it's a very formal educational environment right.

[5:42] You know what it's weird because he was he wasn't he was like wearing a suit with like a long back and a lapel or i'm not sure what it's called so he was really dressed uh very very well which i guess it was like a like high school or something like that but so like well i don't know hang on so.

[5:56] Just before we get into details i just want to get the general general shape so you you make Make some arguments, and then it's good, and then the class starts struggling, and the teacher wearing the same outfit is talking to another man, laughs loud, and that's something a bit odd about that, right?

[6:22] Well, I was going to say agoriously. I couldn't spell the word, but he was almost fake laughing, I would say.
he was I guess trying to butter up the other guy who was more calm he was more okay so but the teacher.

[6:37] Is formal and philosophical but then it turns out he's fake, Because the Asian guy is making philosophical arguments. He's very formal.

[6:48] No, no, no, sorry. I don't know if I wrote that right. He never made any arguments.
I made the arguments in the class, so he never made any philosophical arguments.

[6:56] Sorry, but he obviously, it was a class on philosophy, right?
Like, why would you, I mean, unless I misunderstand something, you would be making arguments in that class because it was a class that had something to do with rational arguments or philosophy or something like that, right?
Or is it totally different outside the class that you're making philosophical arguments?

[7:15] No, we're in the same class with the same teacher and the same students.
I never thought of it oh, well, I never thought of the class itself being about philosophical arguments. You know, it's when I was in...

[7:26] Sorry, but isn't that what the dream is saying to some degree?
You're in a class with this Asian guy and you're making philosophical arguments.

[7:35] I am, yes.

[7:35] And he's not saying, no, no, this is an engineering class or something.
He's like, that's what you do, right?
yeah okay so so you're making philosophical arguments and then you're in class struggling with something the teacher's off to the side not happy either and later on the teacher wearing the same outfit but in red was talking to another man now okay uh tell me about your experience in university or high school was it did you go to university i.

[8:04] Did uh i did but i left i think last Podcasts.
last semester okay so what.

[8:11] Did you take in university.

[8:13] Uh software development software.

[8:16] Development okay did you take any electives in the software sciences social sciences history.

[8:23] Uh i did not but i think we had like i think that's probably why i left because the last semester we had like mandatory uh like uh liberal courses and i just i didn't want to do it okay so you know what you.

[8:35] Know what this is then right so you're supposed to be making these arguments and then things go badly and next next thing you know the teacher's dressed in red red is the color of what.

[8:43] Danger communism and and red.

[8:49] It's the color of blood and danger and all this kind of stuff right.

[8:52] Can i can i um i think i think you're making some good points and good connections i think with my schooling there's a point where i think is more pertinent i'd like to explain if If you, if you like.

[9:05] So you're not correcting me, I'm, I'm just feeling my way through your dream.
So you're, you're the authority here.

[9:11] So the reason I should never wanted to go to school, I wanted to do, you know, um, I think I would have worked part-time and maybe gotten to a, uh, what's it called?
Colding bootcamp or something like that for, for exactly the same thing.
What had happened was I had worked, uh, I think I had three, about three K saved up and I was planning to, okay.
I was thinking, okay, I'm done high school, high school, high school is like jail.
So I'm like, I'm almost out of jail. okay i'm gonna be free i just need to work a bit more and then i can get my own place and do um let's do something like that and i'm like okay i can do that i bring this up with my parents like my dad and he's like no you can't do that you either have to you have two like two weeks to move out or you can go to school and i'll pay for it um and that was kind of like the ultimatum that i was given and.

[9:55] Was this um software degree was like a three or four year degree or it.

[9:59] Was it was four years for you four.

[10:00] Year degree so you wanted to go to a boot camp and get going and your dad's like no half decade is what you need to spend.

[10:06] Exactly exactly so i'm like, i i'm like oh my god so obviously i didn't i didn't want to do that at all i didn't want to yeah i i didn't want to to go to school at all so sorry sorry i i lost my train of thought.

[10:26] Yeah, I'm not sure how that fits in. So, okay, so how long did you go to uni for?

[10:32] About, I think, four years. Four years.

[10:36] Oh, you said you left, though.

[10:38] The last semester.

[10:40] Wait, you got to the last semester and didn't finish?

[10:42] Last semester, I did finish.

[10:44] Why not?

[10:46] I did not want to. Well, I wanted to leave, I think, the second year. No.

[10:51] No, but you got so close to the end that you didn't finish. Yeah.
I'm not criticizing, I'm just like, it's a little surprising to me that you do, like, I don't know, 90% of it and then not just finish it off.

[11:07] I think it was more like a terror just to be there. So I'm like, I have to get out of here like any way, shape, or form.

[11:16] Okay, so then this does fit in with this thing you're supposed to be discussing, ideas, arguments, logic, right?
Words and logic also has to do with, I mean, people who aren't programmers, right? You know programming.
I was a programmer for decades.
And programming is arguments, right?
Because you're using human language a lot of times if you're using BASIC or something like that or COBOL.
You're using, you know, GoTo, GoSub, Return, Print.
You know, like you're using human language to debate the computer or argue the computer into doing something.
And if the computer throws in exceptions, you have to have, you know, on error, go to message box error return or resume or exit or whatever.
You have to handle all the errors.
Right. So you are negotiating with the computer using language.

[12:13] Exactly.

[12:14] So the fact that you're doing like words and logic is computer programming.
So, whether it's philosophical arguments or computer programming, but then the teacher is not happy, and he's in red and he's talking to another man. He laughs loud as he talks to the other man.
As he talked, the other man was in a standard black-bluish suit with a diagonally striped tie that went white, black, red, not sure with, was first, which was first, the black or the red?
He was more tame, but stood there with his hands rested behind his back, looking over the class.
He didn't seem to enjoy the conversation. much, but smiled nonetheless.
So everyone's kind of faking, and it seems to me that this guy, the other guy your teacher's talking to, is in charge, right?
Or is that the case? Does he look like he's in charge?

The Power Dynamics in a Conversation

[13:02] It looks like that, because the other guy's sucking up to him. Yeah.

[13:04] The guy's sucking. So there's a status or a hierarchy here, right? Okay.
But smiled nonetheless. So he didn't seem to enjoy the conversation as much, but smiled nonetheless.
So somebody who doesn't really enjoy the conversation, but is smiling, is getting what he wants.
so if you can think of like think of some guy he just wants to sleep with the girl right just wants to sleep with some girl and the girl is you know blathering on about something or another he's not really enjoying the conversation but he knows that at the end of the conversation she'll sleep with him.

[13:37] He gets what he wants yeah.

[13:39] Yeah he gets so he'll like he's not really enjoying the conversation but he's he's smiling and he's patient and he's awaiting and right so so he's in charge right and and there's this kind of ritual you're going through which is you know okay, honey, I'll pretend to be interested in your story about your dog, and then we'll just go to bed.

[13:58] Does.

[13:58] That sort of make sense?

[13:59] Can I just ask you a second to think?
It reminds me of high school, because obviously I didn't want to go to jail, right?
So I put on a mask for high school, although I guess it's not getting what I want, but it's more like I had to endure or pretend like I was enjoying something.

[14:23] No, but the dream has to be something you don't know. Otherwise, it would be an insight.
So the dream is a reach around from the unconscious saying, are we in a safe place to understand this connection yet?
yet right otherwise it would just come to you as an insight or maybe the dream would be so obvious so if you already know that high school was a jail you won't dream about high school being a jail because you don't need to learn that right right so the dream has to be something that you don't know yet but but it's really important for you to know but um it's sort of in in my view and we'll see if this fits with the dream i think it's fit fairly well so in my view there are truths that that sink to the unconscious that are very dangerous to speak in public.

[15:07] Right?

[15:07] So the dream is like, okay, here's a connection.
I'm going to give it to you in dream form, because if I give it to you directly and you speak it directly, you could get killed.
So we need to get to some kind of truth. We need to get to the truth because we're human beings and we like to pursue truth.
But is it safe?
Is it safe? Like, so in trench warfare, right, what do you do?
if you need to know if there's a sniper around you don't just stick your head up because you get your head blown off right so you put a helmet on a stick right and you raise the helmet above and you see if the sniper shoots the helmet right, so dreams are like are there snipers out here.

[15:50] So I guess the dream would be.

[15:53] We don't know what the dream is yet I'm just talking about the architecture of dreams as a whole.

[15:58] Okay okay okay.

[16:01] So, you were taught something to do with reason, logic, philosophy, this could be any sort of part of your education, and the teacher is not the teacher.
The teacher is actually kind of a slave, or a serf, or the teacher is higher status relative to the students, but very low status relative to this guy with the striped tie, right?

[16:27] Uh-huh.

[16:28] Because he's like bowing and scraping and, right, so to speak, right?

[16:33] Yeah. Okay.

[16:35] So we think, like when we go to school, we think the teachers are in charge.
And they're authority figures. But they're not.
But they're not. You know, one of the big, I guess, shocks of COVID and all of this was like, yeah, doctors have to charge. Yeah.

[16:55] That was good.

The Enslavement of Teachers

[17:25] Ideology, they will not be there.
So we think teachers are authority figures. And in a way, they're more enslaved than we are, because at least we get to get out of school at some point, and they're stuck there forever.

[17:39] Interesting, interesting. Actually, speaking of COVID, that actually was, I think, one of the reasons I left, or one of the things that coincided, because I think during the lockdowns, we had like, because it was coding, right? So you could do it at home.
And then, I mean, I didn't want to do any of that.
um after because you have to do all the classes or the last semester i think i did like a semester at home and then i could do the last semester also at home but i'm like oh no i'm not gonna do it so obviously i was actually back home because of of covid because i was at the campus but then i came back home so.

[18:13] Yeah so let's coincide.

[18:15] With that as well.

[18:16] No and of course for how long have young people been told by their elders don't succumb to peer pressure don't do it it just because everyone else is doing it like look at the evidence think for yourself and don't just follow the crowd right like so when i was a kid if you'd say well i did it because the other kids were doing it everybody would say everybody in authority would say well if they jumped off the brooklyn bridge would you jump off it too think for yourself don't just follow the herd right, now it turns out everybody was extremely full of shit about all of that.

[18:50] Oh very true right.

[18:51] Because Because everybody was just like, okay, well, okay, they say it come from a pangolin.
I guess I don't even know what a pangolin is, but I guess it came from a pangolin.
Oh, oh, apparently respiratory viruses die at the six foot mark away from the wall, right?
Mosques are magic, even though it says on the mask, it doesn't protect you against airborne coronaviruses. We've got to wear, like, it was just like completely retarded.
Now, all these people we think are authority figures are not authority figures.

[19:22] Now tell me what you think of this.
the reason my dad wanted me to go to school wasn't because of the because of like my passions or something but he wanted the prestige that it would come and the money that would come from me graduating from school doing software that's what i'm thinking.

[19:45] Well what do your father's motivations matter i'm i'm i'm not saying they don't matter i'm just trying to understand why we would talk about something we can't possibly prove.

[19:58] Because i'm thinking it connects to the teacher and the way that the the two people are talking it's like my i guess my goal of my wants all that has nothing to do with the actions that are taken but it's it's about something else.

[20:14] Well i mean the dream could be criticizing you so your dad bribed you to spend four years of your life doing something you didn't even complete why the hell did you do that, i mean would he bribe or threaten you're gonna kick you out or like like yeah you know i mean if somebody i mean looking back looking back was it a good use of almost four years of your life to go and study computer science.

The Humiliating Bribery and Bullying

[20:55] Uh, he never actually finished paying. Sorry. No, I don't, I don't think it, I don't think it was.

[21:02] Well, it's kind of humiliating, isn't it? To be bribed and bullied.
And he's like, well, I'll pay for the college.
And of course, the logical response to that is even outside of don't bribe me to follow your agenda would be like, okay, but if I can do a boot camp in six months and get a job, let's say it takes me six months to get a good job after graduation.
But the one thing about the boot camps, and I know some people who've gone through these programming boot camps, and sometimes they're six months, sometimes they're 10 months or a year or something like that.
But they'll get you hired pretty quick. Like they have really, really strong job placement programs, or at least they used to.
I'm sure that they still do.
So you get an extra couple of years of work. So let's say you get a job making 40 or 50K US a year.
Okay, so after three years, you've grossed 150K.

[21:51] So even if your dad is paying i don't know 20k a year for you to go to school or 30k a year you're still better off you're still making more money going to the boot camp like he's not bribing you with anything because you're losing money going to the college right because you lose out on three years of income and then that is important because that accumulates over the course of your whole life it's way more than that over time because you get to scale up the salary with a the head start so you make 50k then 60k then 70k or whatever it is and that just keeps going up whereas you graduate from computer science maybe takes you six months to get a job and you know then you then you make your 50k and and you're always behind and now maybe you could say ah but with the degree you'll you'll get further ahead but sensible people who hire want experience, not degrees degrees are theoretical experience is empirical empirical so was it a good idea to be bribe threatened and bullied into going, into a computer science degree that you didn't even finish it.

[23:00] Was not it was a very bad decision then he didn't obviously didn't pay for it but today.

[23:05] I'm sorry I thought he said he would pay for you go to school he.

[23:08] Said he would pay sorry.

[23:09] Oh he didn't pay he.

[23:12] Did not pay well.

[23:13] Wait wait hang on so you went there you say i'm going to sign up for this this university and you go there and your dad is like psych i'm not paying psych yep so then why did you keep going oh.

[23:26] Looks like he's yasha calling me now sorry sorry about this uh yeah, I'm on the phone. I'm not using the phone.
It's ironic because we're talking about it, but I'm kind of still here.

[23:46] Okay, so why did you keep going if he didn't even pay? Wasn't that one of the central reasons to go?

[23:53] That was one of the central reasons to go. Can I have a second to think about that?

[24:00] Dude, it's your call, man. You can jump in a jacuzzi for all I care.
Yeah, totally fine. Whatever works for you is fine with me.

[24:07] I just have to get like emotionally what I was like feeling back then.
So the question is why did I go to school?
I guess so when I first two years, actually I did really well like that at, I think 3.0 GPA, 3.4 or something like that, really, really high.
I was under the impression my dad was going to pay everything was, was, I was thinking it was good but then, he didn't pay and then obviously my grades.

[24:40] Were bad you can't say for two years he didn't pay because someone had to pay right oh okay so you got loans and grants okay got it got it and I had.

[24:51] A savings so I had $3,000 which was enough for half a semester did.

[24:58] Your father recognize that he had had promised to pay and then said i'm changed my mind or did he say i never said that or how did he not pay uh.

[25:07] He made an excuse because of uh financial circumstances he said.

[25:11] Okay so i don't have the money to pay something like that yeah.

[25:14] Well yeah basically.

[25:15] Did it change did he lose his job or no.

[25:18] No he was like oh the the economy is bad i can't i can't help you.

[25:22] Okay got it got it was he apologetic, All right, so there's a power structure above what's directly in control of you, right?
I mean, to me, that's like, oh, this is the teacher.
He's in charge. He's elegantly dressed, impeccably dressed, right?
So he's into appearance, not substance, right?
And he's not even teaching you that much. In a sense, you're learning horizontally because you're making arguments not with the teacher.
you're making arguments with your fellow students right okay so he is pretty useless, like he's not teaching you anything and he's pretending to be an authority figure when he is in fact in fact a slave to in a sense a slave to the guy with the striped tie do i have do i have that right yes.

[26:14] Fundamentally useless yes.

[26:15] Okay so you're not there for anything useful Now, when you went to university, did you learn a lot from your teachers that's useful and practical and helpful?

[26:28] Useful, yes. So actually, when I left, I had started my own software that I was working on, and I learned a lot of stuff from there.
So I did reuse some of the stuff from my knowledge of just coding and fundamentals and planning and stuff like that.

[26:45] Okay, good, good, good. All right, got it. But, okay, so your authority figure is, in fact, a fake slave, in a way, right? The Asian teacher, right?
Okay, so then you go, next scene was me sleeping. I didn't open my eyes.
I woke up to see around me.
Lucid dream. I went back to sleeping. Okay. You're resting in the back of the car. Yeah.
Not in the trunk. My shoulder was on the back window of the car.
My feet extended past the trunk. So what does that mean? It was a backward-facing seat?

[27:16] No, no, no. I was on the back of the car. Because you know you can sit on top of the back of the car. You can sit on top of the car. Oh.

[27:23] The car wasn't moving, was it?

[27:25] The car was moving.

[27:26] Oh, so you're sitting on the roof with your feet on the back window.

[27:30] No, no, no. My shoulder is on the back window.

[27:35] Okay, got it. So you're lying on the back window, your feet going past the trunk. and.

[27:38] The car is moving forward yes.

[27:40] And do you remember how fast i.

[27:42] Wasn't too fast it was like a residential a suburb so it was he was going like probably like 25 not or well 15 25 so not too fast but.

[27:51] Right so i think this is about your dad right because this is a bad place to be on a moving car are right sorry i'm not sure is acknowledgement or agreement this.

[28:08] Is agreements yes.

[28:09] Okay so you're facing the wrong way right your life is moving forward but you're looking backwards what that means is that your father has too much authority in your mind, so rather than defining your own course rather than being in the driver's seat you're being driven by someone else you're in a dangerous precarious position you could fall off if there's any sudden change or even a slow turn could roll you off the back of the car.
And maybe it's your father, maybe it's some other authority figure, but instead of moving forward in your life by planning where you want to go based upon rational values, you're sitting.
So you're not in control of anything and you're facing the wrong way, right? You're looking into the past. You're looking at where you've been rather than where you're going. Does that make sense?

[28:56] I do, I do.

[28:57] You and does it feel like there could be value like that i don't say you feel true like this is an empirical thing but uh.

Feeling frustrated and lacking control in life

[29:07] It's uh i.

[29:09] Mean you certainly are looking at where you've been rather than where you're going and you're not in control of where you're going that's.

[29:15] True i i can i just just took another second.

[29:17] Yeah you.

[29:20] Know it's weird it's actually kind of frustrated because it's almost like i know what i should do but like i think i've been saving and i have.

[29:31] Sorry i'm not sure we talk about the dream or life we're.

[29:35] Talking about life now.

[29:36] Also i'm sorry i'm.

[29:37] Bringing it okay i'm bringing a parallel from.

[29:39] The rather stay in the dream if that's all right okay because if we We keep jumping from dream to life. We're never going to get the dream done.

[29:46] And there's a lot to go.

[29:47] If that makes sense.

[29:49] Oh, and I want to correct something for the dream. My shoulder's on the side.
I'm looking, I guess, to the left, or I'm looking like the car window side. Okay.

[29:59] Right. Okay. Got it. Got it. But you're facing the wrong way.
I mean, your body's facing the wrong way, right?

[30:05] Yeah. Well, it's an awkward position. It's weird.

[30:08] Okay.

[30:08] So I'm not facing forward. I'm facing, I guess, to the left.

[30:11] Right. Now, the other thing, too, is that if we say that some authority figure, we'll toss your dad in there, see if it fits.
Because you don't see the driver. You can't see the driver, right?
You don't know who's driving?

[30:23] I can't see the driver.

[30:25] You can't, right? So you don't know who's driving?

[30:26] I cannot. No, no. You're right. You're right.

[30:28] Okay. So let's say that it's your dad who's driving.
Your dad can't see the past because of you, because you're blocking the rear view, right?
Like if you try and look through the rear view mirror, you're sitting on the back window, so he can't really see where he's come from because you're in the way.

[30:50] Exactly. Okay.

[30:51] So that's like a history thing. So your dad is reenacting his past by acting it out on you, so he doesn't have to deal with the past, so he can't see the past because you're between him and his past.

[31:04] I see, I see.

[31:05] So that would be some sort of repetition thing. All right, so let's see here.
I noticed that my feet were not cold.
Oh, sorry, when he turned right, I jumped off the car. I noticed that my feet were not cold walking on the snow as I didn't have any shoes.
All right, so I'm not sure what that means yet, but we'll keep going.
I went back towards the opposite direction the car was going in to see if I could recognize the surrounding area.
Okay, so this is you getting off your dad's authority, leaving your dad's authority and going back to your past, I assume, or something like that, like metaphorically, right?
Now, what's interesting, though, is my feet were not cold walking on the snow. know.
That's very interesting. So the dreams, obviously your dreams can make you cold, they can make you hot, they can make you anything they want, because they're dreams, right?
So your dream is choosing to give you no sensation in your feet.
So, I mean, normally we don't have sensation in our feet if our feet have gone to sleep.

[32:16] Right? And there's a whole wakeful, sleepful, whole wakey, sleepy thing going on here, because the beginning of this section, you're kind of lucid dreaming and you make yourself go back to sleep and things like that.
So, I think that, I mean, the feet are what connects us to the ground, right?
And so if your feet have gone to sleep, it's like because you're being driven around by your dad, only looking at the past, not your own future, you're grounding your legs, your feet, they've gone to sleep.
You don't have connection with the ground. You're not grounded.

Feet going numb symbolizes disconnection from reality

[32:50] Does that make any sense?

[32:52] Like I'm not moving. I'm not.

[32:53] No, no, because you said it was an awkward position, right?
So if you sit in an awkward position for a while, then your legs will go to sleep, right?
Like if you're sitting kind of twisted and turning, then your blood flow and all of that, your nerves, you get pinched by your hip muscles or your butt muscles or your... Yeah.

[33:13] And they would go numb.

[33:14] So you're kind of in an awkward position because your dad's in charge, and you're not just staring at the past.
You're trying to turn and look to the side and maybe look ahead, and this has caused your legs to go to sleep.
now you can still walk because you can still walk when your legs are asleep right, but you so your feet don't have any sensation walking on the snow right even though you don't have any shoes so your feet should feel cold but they don't so your dream is telling you that by letting your dad drive around and by focusing more on the past than your own values and future you you've gone to sleep like you're grounding your that which connects you to the the earth, that which connects you to reality in a sense.
Does that make sense?

[33:59] This resonates, yeah.

[34:00] Okay. So then, let's see, I went back towards the opposite direction, while I was walking, I noticed some people at a house and asked them for help.
This was a group of about two to three men there, and they seemed to know me.
They asked me what I was doing there, seeming very confused.
One asked why I wasn't wearing shoes. I told them, I have no idea.
Now, what is the help? Do you remember the help that you were asking for?

[34:24] I was I was thinking like directions, like what's going on.
I think just like I was going to ask them where I was and if they could, I don't know, either drive me or call the police or I don't know, something.

[34:37] Call the police on what? Just because you're lost in...

[34:42] Yeah, I'm lost, yeah.

[34:44] And do you have any concern that you can't feel your feet? Like, I mean, if I was walking around and I couldn't feel cold snow, I'd kind of freak out, right?
Because, like, what the hell's happened to my nerve endings?

[34:53] No I didn't I didn't oh I can't oh it's not cold okay.

[34:57] So they seem to know you they ask me what you're doing there, seeming very confused. So that's interesting. So I'm trying to think of that sort of as an analogy, right?
So let's say I'm in some remote location and a friend of mine shows up.
I'd be like, whoa, what are you doing here, right?
Is that sort of the feel?

[35:19] Not for them, yes, not for me.

[35:21] No, no, for them, yeah, for them.

[35:22] I didn't notice them. I didn't know who they were.

[35:26] One asked why I wasn't wearing shoes. I told them I have no idea. Oh dear.
So you're saying the next moment I noted three men opposite the road from us standing there ominously, and another set of men on the sidewalk in the left turn of the road, I could feel the danger and thought I was getting ambushed.

[35:43] I put pictures on there if that helps at all.

[35:47] Yes, yes, I've seen those. Okay, got it.
So, the first group is not unfriendly. They seem to know you.
And they are inquiring, in a sense, as to your health or well-being.

Friendly Inquiries and Request for Help

[36:03] Like, why don't you have any shoes? Because there's snow on the ground, right?
So, they're relatively friendly. Is that right? And also, you're asking them for help. Okay, so they were friendly. And then you have...
Three men standing ominously, another set of men on the sidewalk in the left turn of the road.
I could feel the danger and thought I was getting ambushed.
So you don't feel that the two to three men you start to talk with are allies, right?
Because you're still talking about singular, like they're not going to help you.
Because otherwise it would be like we're getting ambushed, but you still feel, and I'm not saying this is wrong, I just want to make sure I understand this, So you've got the one set of men who know you and are relatively friendly, inquiring why you don't have shoes.
Then there's two other groups of men who are hostile.
But you still are talking about, I'm getting ambushed, rather than, you know, they're here to ambush the three men who know me, or we're getting ambushed, but you still feel separate from this, right? Does that make sense?

[37:07] Yeah, I kind of feel guilty about that, actually.

[37:09] What do you mean?

[37:10] I kind of feel guilty because I was like I guess later on you'll see that they go out to bat for me but then I'm like oh I don't want to associate with these guys I kind of feel guilty for that.

[37:21] Well it's interesting because are the ominous the two ominous sets of men are they there to ambush you or do they have a pre-existing grudge with the three men who are asking you why you don't have shoes.

[37:34] I assume it was me but I don't know but why Why?

[37:40] Why would it be you? Because the dreams are saying there's danger, but it also is telling you you didn't do anything wrong.
Right, because you didn't say there, look, I threw an ice ball at these guys, you know, cracked them on the head, it made them bleed, and now they're chasing me, right?
Because that would be a dream saying, you're doing something wrong, right?

[38:05] Well, that's what I was confused about. I think I had made a connection to the previous philosophical discussion, and I'm like, oh, maybe they're out to get me because of my moral argument.
But then I tried to convince myself that that wasn't the case.

[38:18] But no no but the dream no the dream would if the dream said your philosophical arguments would lead you to danger then just the students you were having the debate with would attack you or the ceiling would cave in or you know the floor would open up or there would be something related to that right yeah.

[38:34] That's what later.

[38:35] On the dream has taken you to a different situation you're not doing anything wrong and yet there are these these people you feel they want to attack you like they're there for you right like.

[38:49] They're there for me exactly.

[38:50] They're there for you but you haven't done anything wrong so what that means is the people who are hostile to you and your friends are hostile because they're screwed up people they're crazy aggressive paranoid suspicious hard-eyed vicious mean because you haven't done anything wrong and yet you and your friends are being attacked right exactly so no so that's important because that means the dream is telling you the people in your life or the people who are around who are hostile to you are not hostile to you because of anything you did but because they're screwed up people who are crazy and hostile, Because they're in, like, the non-aggression principle, right?
The other two groups of men are the ones initiating the use of force.
They're threatening you, and you've done nothing to them, right?

[39:45] I felt threatened is more... No.

[39:47] No, no, I get that. I get that. But you have a sense of threat that is completely unrelated to your actions.

[39:55] Yes.

[39:57] They're just dangerous predators out there, right?

[40:00] Mm-hmm, exactly. I mean.

[40:01] If they were a bunch of hungry wolves, you wouldn't take it personally.
Well, I offended the wolf leader by talking about philosophy, right? You'd be just like, oh, there's some dangerous wolves.
But it wouldn't be anything because you did anything bad other than being a meat puppet they wanted to eat, right?

Anticipating Attack and Disassociation with Friends

[40:15] Yes, yes.

[40:16] Okay. So, I could feel the danger and thought I was getting ambushed.
The guys also noticed and said they had weapons stored in a van just up the road.
We discreetly moved to the van, hoping we didn't get attacked.
They opened the van and each picked up a set of rifles and guns.
I went around the back of the car and didn't take any guns. I was planning to hide in case of a gunfight.
In anticipation of an attack, the guys were in the front left of the van on the sidewalk. Now, the guys, are these your friends?

[40:46] The guys with the gun? Yeah.

[40:48] They're waiting for the attack. Is that right?

[40:51] They're anticipating the attack. Well, this is where I was trying to disassociate from them.
Because it's not your fight. Yeah.

[41:01] Do you see what I mean? Yeah. I mean, these are the guys, if I get this right, they live in the neighborhood.
Yeah, there's some people at a house. You don't know this neighborhood.
You have no history with this neighborhood.
So if there are guys who want to attack your friends, what does that have to do with you?
It's not your fight. You didn't do anything wrong. maybe they've got maybe this is a crime gang two crime gangs or something or whatever but it's not your fight so why would you fight, I mean, one of the most essential things in the modern world, honestly, I wrestle with this sometimes on a daily basis. What is my fight and what is not my fight?
What am I going to risk life and limb for, or reputation such as it is left?
What is my fight? And I'm not trying to make this about me.

[41:56] Yeah.

[41:56] But you don't have any law. They know you, but you don't know them.
They haven't shown you any particular virtues. they're just trying to get you into a fight of theirs right so they have a bunch of guns in a van right is that good guys.

[42:18] Well I almost saw it like they were trying to protect me from the other guys like oh shoot one of our guys is being attacked we gotta protect them kind of thing.

[42:25] I get that I get that but there's no evidence of that in the dream it's a feeling you have right Exactly.
Because otherwise, if the dream wanted to say, these are your allies that you should fight for, then you would be attacked for some reason based on virtue.
Like, if I were your dream machine in your brain, and I wanted to give you that, then I would say, okay, you talk about reason and evidence in the classroom, your classmates get angry, they start to attack you, you run, there's a bunch of people there who are your friends, they hired you, you set up posts, the bad like the people who attacked you because you made some arguments get really violent and then you fight back like it would be something where you did something right you got attacked for your virtues and then people were genuinely helping you and like that would be the situation where of course you'd you'd fight right but that's and remember the dream can do anything the dream is a like a magic holodeck it can do absolutely anything so why is it doing this, Now, also, the men who are sitting at the house and asking you about your shoes, right?
They are choosing to stay in a violent neighborhood.
And we know that because they're well-armed, right?

[43:54] Yeah, they had the guns in the house.

Choosing conflict over escape: Staying in dangerous situations

[43:55] So they are choosing a situation of violence. So it's kind of like these people who stay in a really bad neighborhood.
You know, my car keeps getting broken into and, you know, bullets keep flying through my windows. It's like, move!
Is there anyone you know in your life, maybe in your family, who is staying in a dangerous situation where they, I mean, obviously have choice and option?

[44:26] Me? I think I'd be the guy. anyone in my life who stay in a dangerous situation uh i think i think it's only like me because i'm the only one who has i guess the philosophical knowledge to know that it's a dangerous situation.

[44:44] Okay all right so if people choose to stay in a dangerous situation so this this comes down to the stuff that's kind of floating around in the media these days which is uh you know you can see this happening in a bunch of different areas where people are being menaced by some dangerous crazy guy some guy steps in and tries to help and then gets charged right.

[45:06] Yeah yeah yeah.

[45:08] We've seen this a bunch of times right so unfortunately you know people are of course this is all designed to give the criminals more power this thing yeah but of course it's the question of if a woman woman is being threatened by her long-term boyfriend do you intervene.

[45:28] Not not in that situation because obviously it's long term right so she's had plenty of time to leave yeah.

[45:34] If it's some little old lady being threatened by some guy she doesn't know that's a different matter and whether but but if someone has put themselves and stayed in a dangerous situation do we attempt to save them at risk to ourselves from the danger they have have chosen to go in and stay in so if this woman has a violent long-term boyfriend and you know what's that song yeah and your brother's gonna kill me and he's six feet ten or whatever right so if she's got some big big giant dangerous crazy boyfriend and he's threatening her, what do you do well is it is it your fight, Right, and of course, everyone's heard of the scenario where you try to protect a woman from her dangerous boyfriend, and they both end up beating you up.

[46:24] Yeah, there was a situation where a guy was in a club, and they're arguing, and a guy hits his girl, and then a guy steps in, and the guy gets shot, and then his girl that he hit leave the club together.

[46:34] Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. Sure. Yeah.
I mean, there's a movie Barfly with Mickey Rourke where he tries to intervene with some couple that's half killing each other in the next hotel room and they both turn on him.
so and i mean covid has i mean really really brought this to the forefront because there are a lot of people who wanted to fine jail you know the the unvaccinated strip them of their rights and if the vaccinated are having health issues it's like you know i mean sympathy not Not sympathy.

The controversial debate on vaccinating the unvaccinated

[47:13] I mean, it's complicated, right? It's complicated. Yeah.

[47:16] I think my dad was one of those people, yeah.

[47:18] Oh, he wanted the unvaccinated to lose their rights?

[47:22] Well, he definitely wanted me to get vaccinated.

[47:28] Right. Right. And so you have stepped into a gang war here where the people who know you are part of the equation.
They're not victims because they're living in a house where the bad guys know that they're there.
They also know that violence is coming because they have all of the weapons in the van, right?

[47:56] Exactly. The guns in the van. Yeah.

[47:58] Yeah. So they're not victims. They're not helpless.
They're not innocent or not. It doesn't really matter because rather than flee a neighborhood of violence, they have instead armed themselves to the teeth.
Does that make sense?

[48:20] I'm seeing some parallels to myself, I guess.

[48:22] Oh, so we'll get there in a sec. I just want to, we're almost at the end of the dream, right?
So the guys are noticing, and rather than leave the neighborhood, like they could get in the van and drive away, because the other guys are on foot, right?

[48:34] They're on foot.

[48:35] Right. So your quote friends, or the people who know you, they're not really your friends, but so the people who know you, they have a van.
And again, the guns could be anywhere. The guns could be in the basement.
The guns could be in the attic.
The guns could be hidden on their person, right? No, the dream puts them in a van, which is a place of mobility, right?
So rather than get in the van and drive away, they are arming themselves to engage.

[49:03] Which is the basic question, right? Fight or flight?
It's the basic question in life. When you have an enemy, do you fight or do you leave?
I mean the law is fairly clear and in many places other places there's a you know no retreat near the castle doctrine but in general the law is like if you have the chance to leave but instead you shoot the guy you're in pretty legally questionable territory as far as I know again I'm no lawyer but that's sort of my understanding right if you're if you're at a club and some guy comes in and says hey where's you whatever your name is and and and I'm going going to beat him up and then there's a back exit to the club and the bouncer says hey man you know come out through the back here i'll escort you to the cab and just leave right and you have the option to leave but instead you you turn and and belt the guy or get into a fight right then it's interesting i don't again i don't know what the law is that probably changes from place to place but it's not as simple as if you're cornered right.

[50:11] So these guys have the option to leave, and the fact that they have their guns in the van means that they've always had the option to leave, but instead, they're fighting, which means they prefer... They're ready to fight. Sorry?

[50:23] They're ready to fight. They want to fight. They want to fight.

[50:26] Well, yeah, because they've armed themselves up when they have a van, which is a way to leave, right? right?
I mean, and it has been a way to, they bought a van, the van is parked nearby, and these menacing people are around, and they're staying, and they're choosing to fight.
So what this means, I think, for the most part, is there may be people in your life that are choosing, a fight over flight. So, I mean, with regards to my own family, I mean, it's not exactly flight, but i chose like my family of origin i chose to stop fighting with them right i'm not fighting with them it's the same thing with relationships right.

[51:09] Where i'm just reading this post you know these green texts and non-posts or whatever it was and it was like you know it's it's my birthday my girlfriend is starting some stupid fight you know something clicks within me and i just immediately block her on everything and never ever talk to her again now is that flight i don't know but but that definitely is not fighting, and i think most people if you've had a breakup that's due to some recurring conflict what happens is you just fight and you know every now and then there's conflicts and disagreements and relationships fine but it's like no i'm i'm tired of fighting i'm bored of fighting i don't want to fight it's pointless it goes nowhere it's you know breaking my heart every day i'm out.

[51:57] Exactly.

[51:58] So maybe there's people in your life who are choosing conflict over escape.
And maybe you're one of those people, I don't know. But these men, they don't have to fight. They have a van. They could leave.
They could leave any time.
But instead, they've chosen to fight. Now, you say, I was planning to hide in case of a gunfight.
And you said you feel some guilt about that?

[52:23] Yes.

[52:24] Why? I do.

Abandonment and Preparing for a Gunfight

[52:27] Well, I mean, I kind of abandoned them when they were, when they could have, when the police came, there was. No.

[52:35] No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was planning to hide in case of a gunfight.
This is before the police come.

[52:40] Yes.

[52:41] So let's not talk about the police yet. So is it, is it, do you have like the tough guy thing? It's like, grab a gun, kid, we're going to fight.
And you're like, okay, I don't know you people, but yes. Right.
Like disposable mail stuff.

[52:54] Maybe not like that, but they were like going to help me. And I don't know.

[52:57] Were they going to help you? They didn't indicate that. They just asked you, why you didn't have any shoes.

Encountering Unhelpful Strangers

[53:10] They were friendly enough that I thought, okay, they're probably going to call the police or they're going to help me and stuff like that. And then these guys showed up.
Yes, but they didn't.

[53:19] Again, the dream could have had all of that happen, but it didn't.
Right? So we have the empiricism is the dream.
The dream can be anything.

[53:31] I remember there's a play by Ayn Rand called The Night of January 16th or something like that, and the bad guy's in a wheelchair.
And people are like, well, you shouldn't make the bad guy in a wheelchair because that's indicating that a physical disability is a moral disability.
ability and i remember the defenders of ayn rand saying oh it doesn't matter it was diverse and it's like no no it matters because in a play there's absolutely no reason to have a character in a wheelchair that's a that's a choice that's a choice everything in a play is a choice and the author is responsible for those choices and so it does it does matter right it is an analogy for something i mean if if you make the good guy in a wheelchair you're saying very clearly that physical disability can still how like somebody who's in a wheelchair can still be a moral hero and right you're saying the physical disability doesn't really matter but the other way so the dream is a complete blank slate so your feeling that people might help you should not give you loyalty to the point where you're going to take a bullet through the head, so it might mean that you're way too prone to grabbing at companionship loyalty, friendship.

[54:45] Maybe you're a little desperate, maybe a little lonely maybe a little isolated, but it's like someone's nice to you hey, where are your shoes?
Why don't you have your shoes on?
I'm going to need you to risk your life in a gun battle. Well, he was nice to me, okay, right? Do you see what I mean?

[55:02] I do, I mean.

[55:05] This is where sometimes the mindless soldiering comes from, right?
There's a flag. Okay. I'll get my legs blown off.

[55:16] Maybe this is this. I'm not sure if it changed anything, but I think the guilt was more when I woke up or when I was waking up because I made myself wake up.
And I realized that when I was looking at my past actions is when I felt guilt because I abandoned them.
I think in the time I was afraid and then I was thinking like, oh, I got to get out of here. I can't stay with these guys. But then when I was waking up.

[55:35] That's what happened. Also, when you wake up, it's interesting.
Because in the beginning of the dream, you're looking backwards, and that's bad.
And then you wake up, you look backwards at the dream, and you feel bad.
Like, the dream is having you looking backwards by sitting on the rear seat of your, or the rear window of your, the car, maybe your father's car.
And then when you wake up, you look backwards, and that's bad too, right?
You look back at the dream.

[56:00] Yeah.

[56:01] Because of course you're going to hide in case of a gunfight.
I mean, think of this in the real world, right? You're in some unknown neighborhood.
Some people say, hey, why don't you have any shoes?
And then people start menacing them, and they give you a gun.
Like, what would you do in the real world?

[56:16] I've never shot a gun. No.

[56:17] No, I get that. But would you join in some gunfights with people you didn't know?

[56:24] Part of me hopes I would, but I don't know.

[56:26] God, why? Why?
Because if they wanted to protect you, let's go into the reason of the dream, right?
If these people wanted to protect you from being menaced, and they got you to a van, what would they do?

[56:45] They would get in and drive away.

[56:48] Yeah, drive you away. They'd call the cops, right? Drive away.
So they're not protecting you.
They're drawing you into a gun battle. In the dream, right?

[57:00] Exactly.

[57:02] So why would you I mean this is a really important question in the real world if some crazy scenario like this happened you know like well I hope I would join in the gun battle why, first of all you said you never shot a gun so you don't even know what you're doing in particular right but why would you feel the urge or the need to get involved in a gun battle with people you didn't even know.

[57:27] Why do I want to get in a gun battle with them no.

[57:31] It's not that you want to get into a gun battle otherwise you'd be seeking it out but if the situation happened, so the dream is saying that you lack some elemental principle of self protection, which means you value yourself too little, you value yourself too little you have the instinct of self preservation has been carved out And replace with loyalty to strangers or?

[58:05] Yeah.

[58:07] Because a gun battle goes badly no matter what.
Right? Because there are police in this world, right? It's not some, I don't know, crazy Mad Max scenario, right?
So how does a gun battle work? Well, either you're going to get shot, which is really bad. You're going to get killed, which is even worse.
Or let's say you shoot people.
Right? Then what?
Then you spent years and years battling legal problems, to put it mildly, right?

[58:47] Exactly.

[58:50] So, it's one thing, if the dream has, you know, here's your beloved wife and child, and people are coming in through the window, and maybe you have to act in self-defense, but the dream isn't doing that.
The dream is saying, look, idiot, why would you have loyalty to strangers to the point where you would destroy your life or get killed?
People just have to be this nice to you? Hey, why don't you have any shoes on?
I will be loyal to you until the death.
Like, what?

[59:21] I think you might be right when you first said, I was like, kind of, I don't know, maybe not macho man thing, whereas like, oh, you got to.
But I think that's, maybe that's what it is.
Like, my self-preservation has been replaced with, not self-sacrifice, but it's like the idea that, you know, you're with the guys and you've got to fight.

[59:42] Well, maybe if it's your guys and lifelong friends, but these are just guys you ran into after you jumped off the car.

[59:52] Exactly.

[59:53] Exactly, and they are they loyal to you no because if they were loyal to you they drive away so they're drawing you into their game of deadly violence they're not loyal to you, if they were loyal to you they'd put you in the van and say we're out of here we're going to drive to the police station right, so they're drawing you into a battle and they're endangering you and you didn't do anything wrong.
So they're actually harmful to you, but you're loyal to them, right? Come on, this is a family thing, isn't it? They're harmful to you, but you're loyal to them.

[1:00:33] Yeah, I think it is.
I think it is. But I'm not... Well, I'm still here, so I mean...

[1:00:49] Well, okay. Okay, it's a dream. So the dream is saying that you have loyalty to people who put you in harm's way. You have loyalty to people who put you in danger.

[1:00:57] Yes, yes.

Loyalty to Harmful Friends

[1:01:02] All right, so let's get to the end.
In the distance, I could see a police car coming down the road.
The car was a very expensive car with the police lights on top of it.
Lambo, maybe, right? The guys hit their guns so as to not get caught, and I hoped that the car would just pass us by.
Now, that's crazy. And again, I don't mean crazy in the dream.
The dreams all have a logic to them.
But in the real world, you would flag down the police, right? Right.
And you would say, holy crap, these guys are menacing us and all of that.
So why don't you and you said, I hope they call the police. Now the police are here and you're hoping that they don't.
Stop or notice or so now you don't want the police protection that you very much wanted before. Right.

[1:01:48] Well, my friends have.

[1:01:50] They're not your friends.

[1:01:52] Oh, I mean, these guys.

[1:01:55] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The guys, the guys you first met. Right. Right.

[1:01:58] So if I guess the police comes and they're going to get arrested, then obviously I'm going to get arrested because I'm associated with them.

[1:02:05] Why would that be automatic?
Because if they were your friends, they'd say, no, this guy just came down the street.
We brought him to the van. He didn't know what was going on.
He has no ownership. We don't know him very well. He has no ownership in these guns.
Right. And you're there with no shoes on. And like, so you wouldn't get arrested.
I mean, you might get arrested, but you wouldn't, it would seem unlikely that you would get charged.
Now, of course, if, if the dream had you fire off a couple of shots and then there's a smoking gun in your hand, then that would be a different, but the dream doesn't do that.
You're just hiding in the back.
So again, I'm no lawyer, I'm no policeman, but my understanding is that if someone is, let's say they're drugged and they're disoriented, and they just end up around in a gunfight, they don't get charged.

[1:03:00] Well, I was afraid. I was afraid that they would come and arrest them and arrest me and associate us all together.

[1:03:05] Other well but that would only be the case if your friends your friends i know i just said they weren't your friends but we'll just call them that for now because we got three groups of people now with the police four right so your quote friends that you would only get arrested and charged if they lied about you because if they said this guy just wandered down the street, and he's got no part of this doesn't own any guns we kind of half dragged him to the, van, and he never picked up a weapon.
Right? Then you'd be okay, right? So, the only reason you'd be in danger is if your friends weren't your friends.
Which we kind of know, because they're getting you involved, or trying to get you involved in a gunfight, when they could just drive away or not be in that neighborhood to begin with.

[1:03:54] Well, exactly.

[1:03:55] Okay, so, the only reason you're frightened is because you think that they're not your friends.
And that they will lie to get you dragged into a dire legal situation.

[1:04:10] That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.

[1:04:13] So you have loyalty to people who want to harm you.
That's why you're scared. Now you're scared. In the beginning, you wanted the police. You still haven't done anything wrong, right?
What have you done? These guys are like, hey, we're going to take you to a van.
They don't say, we're going to take you to a van, give you a gun, and you're going to shoot people.
They're like, yeah. I mean, if there's dangerous people around and people are like, hey, we're going to a van, they'll be like, yeah, let's get out of here, right?
and then they, no, we're going to fight, right? That's what they said in the dream, right?

[1:04:45] Yeah, they said, we have weapons in the van.

[1:04:48] But at this point, you didn't want to stay with the sinister people, right, around. But you were going to hide. You're not going to fight.

[1:04:56] I was going to hide while they were fighting.

[1:04:59] Right, okay, so, the car was a very expensive car with the police lights on top, Lambo. The guys hid their guns, not to get caught.
The car turned into the driveway in front of the van, and I tried to distance myself I saw from the other guys.
I had a thought that I would be put in jail because I would be associated with them. Then because I didn't want to go to jail, I made myself wake up. Right.
So the dream is saying, you're in danger, you're loyal to people, you're loyal to people who are harmful to you, and you better wake the fuck up.
Like the physical act of waking up from a dream is the dream telling you to wake up in your life.
You have all this loyalty, to people who are endangering you.
Or putting you in significant risk. The only reason I don't know is why the car is a Lambo.

[1:05:57] It was an expensive car. Yeah.

[1:05:59] Something. But that's not, obviously, that's nothing that would be a police car, right?

[1:06:04] Well, yeah, it was not a normal police car. It was an expensive car.
And it had police sirens on it.

[1:06:11] Right.
Maybe your loyalty to people who are dangerous to you is keeping you from wealth.
Maybe it's not a real police car, because in the real world, if you saw a Lamborghini with flashing lights on top, you'd simply assume it was some half-brain-dead scammers who just wanted to pull you over so they could harm you, right? right well.

[1:06:32] I felt i definitely felt that i was going to jail or i would yeah i was i definitely thought like okay oh man the police are here i definitely felt that they were the police so i didn't think they were it's just that the car was an expensive car.

[1:06:44] Well that's a detail i don't maybe it's something to do with business i don't know but i i don't it's not huge hugely important to get that detail but it is a detail that means something i just don't know know what it means because maybe it's something more personal to you but yeah i i would say that the dream is like okay you have you have loyalty to people who are going to do your harm and it's very dangerous okay.

Loyalty to Harmful Relationships and Unsuccessful Conversations with Father

[1:07:09] I don't think i have loyalty though hmm.

[1:07:11] Okay how's your relationship with your your dad?

[1:07:17] Well, bad. I mean, I tell him all the truths, like...

[1:07:24] Yeah, you tell him your frustrations or the things that you're upset about, and what happens?

[1:07:30] Well, when I was younger, he would get, like, he would shout, but now a lot bigger, so he's kind of like...
He kind of has to, like, tame that down a bit.

[1:07:40] Okay, so you're engaging in a battle that you don't need to engage in, just Like this dream.

[1:07:47] Exactly. Okay.

[1:07:50] Have you had any successful or satisfying conversations with your father about your issues?

[1:07:57] No.

[1:07:58] Okay. So why do you continue to engage with your father when you've had, I assume, many or some conversations, none of which have ever been successful or satisfying?

[1:08:13] Now i don't uh i guess i talked consistently um so yeah we don't talk consistently it's more like oh i got hello but that's, yeah we don't we don't talk at all consistently or or anything like that you know that's the.

[1:08:35] Complete dodge right.

[1:08:35] Yes that's fine i i'm.

[1:08:38] Not i'm not saying you have to answer this but it's It's a question I think that's important to answer.

[1:08:43] Good catch.

[1:08:43] Did your father, by promising, and he threatened to kick you out if you didn't go to university, right?

[1:08:50] Yes, it was a carrot and a stick.

[1:08:52] Right. So if you pursued the education that would actually have been best for you, then he was going to kick you out on the street, right?

[1:09:03] Yes. And I was, yes, yes.

[1:09:05] No, no, hang on. So by...
Listening to your father, by obeying your father because of his threats and bribes, and in fact the bribe never materialized, did he do you harm by having you spend almost four years pursuing a degree you never finished?

[1:09:27] Yes.

[1:09:28] Okay, so people who you think are your allies but are actually doing you harm would be something like that, right?
I mean, honestly, as a father, like, I can't comprehend, like, my brain doesn't even, like, even in my imagination, I can't comprehend threatening to my child that if you don't pursue the educational course that I want you to, then I'm kicking you out on the street.
Were you still a teenager when he was saying this?

[1:09:57] I was still a teenager. But, I mean, obviously, I have some responsibility there as well. But, obviously, it was not.

[1:10:02] You have some responsibility. What do you mean?

[1:10:05] Like i i think i think i could i could have left um i just.

[1:10:10] No no no no i wasn't talking about you i was talking about your dad right so this is another dodge right this is another block so we're talking about your dad and you're like oh but my responsibility it's like i'm not talking about your responsibility i'm saying as a father like let's say um i was talking to my daughter um just just today about you know um i said you know you'd be a you'd be a crackerjack lawyer and she's like oh well why why would i be and i said because you have an incredibly instinctual grasp of contradictions and hypocrisies and you know like it happens in a flash right away and i said also because we've done a lot of dungeons and dragons and role-playing you absolutely know how to use a structure of rules to your advantage within the bounds of the rules and that's kind of like the law right so you know i said and we talked about being a lawyer now do i want her to to be a lawyer?
No, not particularly, but I know she'd be a great one.
And the reason I don't want to tell her what I want for her, Because that would interfere with her choosing for herself.
Now, of course, if she wants advice, I'll give you advice. And so we talked about the law and being a lawyer and all of that kind of stuff as far as I've known it.

[1:11:26] But the idea that I would say to my daughter when she was 18, either you go to law school or I have no daughter.
I'm kicking you out, severing our relationship. I'm sure that there was something involved in that as well, right? Like either you go to law school or you become a lawyer, and I'll pay for it, but if you don't become a lawyer, I'm changing the locks on the house.
Like I can't tell you how completely incomprehensible and weird and wicked that is as a parent.

[1:12:04] Yeah. Yeah.

Severing of parental bond if education path not followed

[1:12:10] I mean i assume if he kicked you out of the house what would happen to your like if you had if he'd followed through on that and at 18 or whatever, he'd kicked you out of the house would that have been it for your relationship i mean does he then just come over hey how's it going let's go for brunch.

[1:12:27] Well yeah that would have been it i think.

[1:12:29] Okay so so he literally is severing his entire parental bond and removing you as a dependent and throwing you out to the walls of the wide world, and and completely ending his relationship with you if you don't go do a four-year degree and then he doesn't even pay for it, yeah i mean do you really understand at a gut level how wicked and wretched that is as a parent.
Imagine doing this to your own son.

[1:13:11] Your own son is.

[1:13:12] You know, maybe he's good at a sport, but he doesn't really, really like it. And you say, hey, man, you're 18 years old.
If you don't play basketball as a career, I'm tossing you out on your ass, blocking your number, and we will never, ever have any contact again in the future.

[1:13:34] I think that's a little heartbreaking.

[1:13:36] It's not a little heartbreaking. It's insane, except without the moral ambiguity of true insanity.
I mean, imagine if I said on a show, oh yeah, my daughter didn't want to do the education I wanted for her, so she's out on the street somewhere.
I don't know what's happened to her, but I'm talking to her again. What would you think?

[1:14:01] Terrible person. Terrible.

[1:14:04] Right.

[1:14:06] Damn. Okay, well.

[1:14:08] And this is what I mean by a lack of self-preservation, a lack of self-protection.
Ultimatums, unless quickly retracted and massively apologized for, ultimatums are the end of the relationship.
Because an ultimatum, do this or else, we have no relationship, that is already the end. Like, then you have no relationship.

[1:14:38] I would agree with that.

[1:14:39] It's like if some guy says to a girl, go out with me or I slash the tires of your car. Go out with me or I steal your cat.
Go out with me or a fire might suddenly strike your house, right?

[1:14:55] You understand.

[1:14:57] It's not a date. Even if she complies, it's not a date.
It's not romantic. She's just trapped and cornered and bullied and controlled.
And, of course, all of that is illegal. and right and should be definitely.

[1:15:10] That's kind of how i felt uh it's kind of how i felt.

Mother's role in supporting father's ultimatum

[1:15:15] And what did your mom say this is there's no women in this there's no women in this dream well.

[1:15:23] My mom's just the same she's uh.

[1:15:26] Oh so your mom agrees with your dad that you should be cut off if you don't pursue the education they think you should uh well Well.

[1:15:34] She doesn't... Okay, sorry. I'll need a second to...
Oh, my God. I'll need a second.

[1:15:45] Because the reason I'm saying this is sometimes what's missing in the dream is the most important thing.
And there's no females here. I mean, maybe in the classroom, but there's no females in your dream at all. It's an exclusively male world.
And yet you have a mother. so where's she in the dream well.

[1:16:06] She was more i think abusive in that sense than my dad was sorry what was the question let me get back to the question the question was what where was my mom in this yeah where was your mom.

[1:16:16] When your dad was threatening to cut you off if you didn't go to a four-year cs degree she.

[1:16:23] Was just there, does that make sense or no, Ah shit.

[1:16:33] Maybe she's the police.

[1:16:38] What do you mean?

[1:16:39] I don't know. I have no idea what I mean. Does your mother dress expensively?
Does she have expensive taste?
Does she present herself with expensive clothing, expensive hairdo, expensive car, expensive purse? Does she have anything like that?

[1:16:54] Nate, she wears wigs and stuff like that. I don't know how much they cost, though. Sorry?

[1:17:01] She wears what? I didn't...

[1:17:04] Wigs. Wigs. She wears those kind of... I don't know how much they cost, though. Okay.

[1:17:07] But I assume that your parents are really into status.

[1:17:10] Status, yes.

[1:17:11] Right, so they're really into status because that's why they wanted you to get the four-year degree, right?

[1:17:16] Yes.

[1:17:17] Right. So you know what's high status is a Lambo.
Oh, that's why the car... So you're policed by status. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why the car was expensive.
So the enforcers here are status. Like you would be cut off if you didn't serve your parents' status. You don't exist if you don't serve your parents' status.
You don't exist, you're dead to them. They have no son.
If you don't serve their ego, their vanity. And that's why the cop car was very expensive, because it's a status car, and it's the rules enforcer.

[1:17:50] Hmm. That makes sense. Sorry.

[1:17:54] That was blindingly obvious in hindsight, but...

[1:17:57] Well because well i mean and now i'm understanding more about or not more about it now that i understand i'm thinking because my parents were all really about status my dad was uh i think during elementary school he was like um some chairman of something something uh back and back in um elementary school and so he's always been like kind of like this sorry when you were in elementary school when i was in elementary school he had like uh so.

[1:18:24] If you don't serve their ego go, you have no value to them as a child.
If you don't serve their status, they don't want to have anything to do with you. Like you're dead to them if you're not serving their vanity, right?

[1:18:37] Yes yes although if you're.

[1:18:41] Not loyal to people who do you harm you go to jail right so if you're not loyal to your parents who are doing you harm then you have no family you go to jail you're ostracized right if you don't serve the super expensive police car a vanity it's all over.

Disassociation from Parents and Loyalty

[1:19:02] Yeah.

[1:19:02] And you got to wake up to that.

[1:19:04] Well tell me what you think of this so i've been i guess listening to you at least for for some time i'm embarrassed to say because my i guess the situation is not uh uh quite nice but i've been listening to you for like a long time since i guess high school actually and i've been i guess i guess i've told my parents um a lot of the things that they did are like i i in my mind i'm like okay i'm i'm i've disassociated myself from them and in my own mind like in my own like i've been doing some work saving some money obviously doing that and planning to i just leave on my own um but i i'm not i don't think i'm loyal is what i'm trying to say uh go on that makes the the that makes sense I'm not sure.

[1:19:56] What we mean by the word loyal here.

[1:19:58] I don't think I would cover for them or say like oh no they were good parents or I would say that they were, I don't think I would die for them I don't think I'm loyal to them.

[1:20:14] Well but dreams are not about the past fundamentally they're about the future, and the dream I think is warning you that you have a susceptibility to be loyal to people who give you any scrap of affection when they're actually endangering you.

[1:20:34] Okay, okay.

[1:20:36] And, you know, if you're an entrepreneur, that's important, right?
You can have partners, customers, bankers, investors, like all these people, right?
And they might recognize this susceptibility. Oh, if I show this guy some scraps of affection, action, he'll go to war with me.
Not against me, but he'll be my ally, right?

[1:20:57] Uh-huh.

[1:20:59] What's your dating life like?

[1:21:02] Uh-huh.
um are you dating.

[1:21:10] So you don't date right i.

[1:21:12] Don't date well i do talk but that's.

[1:21:16] Sorry what do you mean what do you mean by talk.

[1:21:18] Just just talk just talk so i'll ask about you know their family the situation stuff like that ask who and that's it's about sorry ask who girls around so um i think, when i was working when i was uh not the gym when i was um clubs or anything like that i would i'd ask them about situations stuff like that and you'd ask him about like.

[1:21:44] Their family life or that kind of stuff.

[1:21:46] Yeah i mean yeah i would have a club no not not club no clubs like uh sports.

[1:21:53] Sports clubs and how well would you know these girls before you start asking them about their their family life.

[1:21:57] Well it's not it wouldn't be like oh how is your family life it'd be more like in the course of conversation for example they might say something like um they might talk about their family like oh this how this happened i don't know what what's uh what would happen there or something like that and they would expand on that and i would get to understand their personality i appreciate.

[1:22:19] That and would any of this turn into a.

[1:22:21] Like a date no No.

[1:22:26] Okay. And why do you think none of these conversations turned into, or you were able to, did you ask the girls out and they say no, or you didn't ask them out?

[1:22:33] I think I asked, well, if their situations were bad, then no.
But I think I asked one girl, but she was dating someone else. So that was kind of it.

[1:22:42] And you're in your mid-twenties?

[1:22:44] Mid-twenties.

[1:22:44] Mid-twenties. So since you're mid-teens, which is where boys will often start asking girls out, how many girls have you asked out? And this is not like some macho test. I'm just genuinely curious.

[1:22:55] Since teens, no, not even, I only have one.

[1:22:59] So you've asked one girl out in the last 10 years?

[1:23:02] In the last 10 years.

[1:23:03] Why?

[1:23:08] That is a very good question.
I'm going to get a little nervous. Sorry, give me a second.

[1:23:17] Well, that's why there are no women in your dream.

[1:23:22] I don't know.

[1:23:30] You're in your mid-20s. You're still living at home, right?

[1:23:33] Still living at home.

[1:23:34] Right. So, come on, man. You don't think you're loyal? They're paying your bills.
And this is six years or more since your father threatened you with no family if you didn't do what he wanted and then offered to pay for something and then completely reneged on his payment and hasn't, I mean, in the seven years, six or seven years since, has he made any effort to repay you?
Because, okay, well, that was bad business back then, but has he made any effort to repay you for what he promised nope.

[1:24:10] Nope nope nope.

[1:24:11] So why uh, why don't you ask girls out.

[1:24:20] That is a very complicated question.

[1:24:22] Maybe or.

[1:24:25] A very simple one um um, I'm trying to give me, give me a second. Give me a second. So the question is, why don't I ask girls out?

[1:24:41] Yeah. One in 10 years, right? It'd be like, it'd be like if, uh, if I set up in, you know, I want to get a job for 10 years and I did ask at one place, but it turns out they weren't hiring.

[1:24:55] Do you want to hear any excuses?

[1:24:57] Um, I don't know. I mean, it's your call, man.

[1:25:01] All right. Okay. So here's some, here's some good excuses.
I can't even say them because I know you're going to... Let's throw this out.
Okay, so let's start with...
I can't even make excuses without even sounding...

[1:25:25] I don't know what logistics means in this context.

[1:25:28] It just means people going out and finding girls. I stay a lot of time at home.
I like software. There's a lot of time at home doing stuff.
Porn addiction?

[1:25:46] Well, I mean, I was going to assume that, I mean, a young man who doesn't date, you realize why women have a very tough time, young women have a very tough time with a man who's not got any dating history, because they're almost certain, at least they would assume he's a porn addict, right?

[1:26:03] Oh, well, when I talk to them, they don't.

The Perception of Pornography and Dating

[1:26:05] Because I'm really- I'm not saying consciously, they're not saying, oh, you haven't dated him, but I'm just saying unconsciously, women know the prevalence and pervasiveness of pornography in the modern world.
and that's that's true yeah so so they would assume that a man who doesn't date is just a porn addict right and and that's probably not particularly attractive to them right, now let's become kind of this vicious circle right like if you don't ask girls out you end up with more pornography and with more pornography you you're less likely to be successful than asking girls out because they kind of get this deep down or maybe even not so deep down or whatever right so that's.

[1:26:41] True actually let me let me save some face here so save some of my my status in a sense.
Now, when I talk to girls, because I'm good-looking in a bit, so I don't usually have a problem with, actually getting the initial attraction or setting up stuff like that. It's just...
I guess I'm more worried. Well, okay, it's more...
Okay, we'll start with this. I'm more worried in the sense because I'm trying to... Because I...
Damn, okay.
I can't even say it. Damn. Okay.

The struggle of opening up about dating insecurities

[1:27:30] You don't have to say anything you're not comfortable with. This is not an interrogation here.

[1:27:36] Well, it's more like I'm embarrassed, kind of, to say it. I'm like, oh...
I should not be this embarrassed.
Yeah, so when I talk to people, I don't usually have, because I'm very charismatic and usually good at speaking and can hold a conversation really well.
So I can build that attraction and then obviously I tell them the plan and I can say that stuff.
So I can get that interest and that stuff. But then when it.

[1:28:07] Goes to me- You mean you can get interest in potentially a dating scenario?
You can get that interest from a girl?

[1:28:13] Yeah, yeah. I don't have a problem with that.

[1:28:14] So you can charm them.

[1:28:16] If I had asked her, I don't think there'd be many girls who'd say, oh, no, I don't want to go on a date with you.
I think the problem is more when I'm like... Because obviously I'm at home, so I don't want to bring them to my family.
And then I don't want to... I think that's another one.
If I want to ask them out, I have to make sure that they're either not dating someone or something like that. And I just want to...
I think I'm more afraid of not the asking out, but the, what if they say yes is kind of the thing. This is what I'm thinking.

[1:28:56] Okay, so let's game that out, right? So what if they say yes?
So you just go for coffee or I don't know, go for maybe dinner.
I don't know what happens these days with first dates, but okay, so you go out and then what?
And let's say you have a good time or she's a... a nice woman and and intelligent and decent and kind and right it's a good thing then what.

[1:29:21] Well uh well i'm gonna well it's gonna be hard because i'm not to explain to them i'm at home why i'm at home and then like the i'd have to tell them about my parents and then i it's.

[1:29:35] Right, so you're not loyal to yourself, right?
You're loyal to people who are putting you in danger because your parents are blocking you from dating, in your mind, right?
So you prefer time with your parents rather than love, romantic love.
You prefer your parents paying your bills to dating women. That's what I mean by loyalty.

[1:29:58] You know, I'm reminded of, from your novelist, Arlo, because I always liked Arlo as a character. yeah.

[1:30:04] I do too in a way too.

[1:30:05] Yeah so i'm reminded of kind of like i think we had the same mindset of where um it's like you want to do the bare minimum just to get by and then just like yeah he says i'm.

[1:30:15] Just hiding out right.

[1:30:16] Exactly just like hide literally just hiding out like you're just well i guess it'd be like you're waiting for most of my life i've been waiting for like just to get out of high school and just to get out of college and kind of like to be fair.

[1:30:29] Arlo it's also like Like, he keeps dropping all these hints about how absolutely terrible his childhood was, right?
Like, he won't spend any time in his parents' place.
And they are creepy, and his parents' place have all this really weird, creepy, hard-petal artwork on the wall and all this stuff, right?
And Rachel's just like, dum-de-dum-de-dum, you're pretty. You know, she won't ask him about the clear signs that he had really, really bad things happen to him as a child.

[1:30:58] House yeah i mean i i think it's really rare to find someone who's who reciprocates like the if you like if i go and i talk to someone like i'm like okay how is your family so like that there's not really a lot of people who say oh how's your family or what's that kind of situation and that okay so so.

[1:31:12] Hang on so you want what what do you you you can't change your family right you can't change your family of origin so what would be if there's a sort of good strong moral intelligent intelligent woman, and she says, tell me your family situation, what would you most like, what do you think would be the most attractive or appealing thing to say?

[1:31:34] Um, I'd probably be something like, well, they were, they were terrible.
You know, I think when I was growing up, my parents were terrible with money.
They were terrible with parenting. They never parented. Then they were, they were just bad.
Um, I haven't talked to them in a long time. I don't plan to, um, if that's okay.

[1:31:51] And I tried to work it out, right?
Right? So.

[1:31:55] Yeah.

[1:31:55] They were terrible. You know, I have my issues with them.
I sat down with them many times to try and work it out.
They just kept rejecting what I was saying, and they just kept escalating, or maybe there'd be more abuse.
Or, like, I just, you know, after a while, I was like, I've got to cut my losses.
I didn't choose this relationship.
I really tried my hardest to fix it, but I've got to move on, and I've got to be healthy.

[1:32:17] Yeah, it was just me, like, trying to talk to them. and they were like, oh, no, this didn't happen, stuff like that. So I'd be like, yeah, they just didn't accept responsibility.
So on the plus side.

[1:32:27] You don't have a crazy mother-in-law to look forward to, right?
Or father-in-law or whatever, right? Okay, so that would be the most attractive thing, right?

[1:32:35] Yeah.

[1:32:36] Okay. So why haven't you pursued that?

[1:32:42] Well, I'm still here.

[1:32:45] That's a circular argument, right?

[1:32:47] Okay.

[1:32:48] Why haven't you moved moved out why haven't you if you can't fix it get some distance i'm not saying whether you should or shouldn't but if you if you say that that's the most attractive thing for a woman and that's what's blocking you from dating why wouldn't you move every obstacle in your life that you could so you could date like move everything out of the way it's.

[1:33:06] Definitely it's definitely comfort where it's easy obviously your bills are paired food stuff like that so it's easy especially with porn and video games stuff like that it's easy to sit back and and relax i i did um after i left school.
I did get some counseling. I started working. I got some counseling and started saving money. So I do have plenty, especially Bitcoin. Okay.

[1:33:25] So you don't have any need to stay at home.
And it certainly would be, no matter what happens to your relationship with your parents, it would be a lot easier to date if you had your own place, right?

[1:33:38] I'd probably get...

[1:33:40] It would be a lot easier to date if you had your own place, right?

[1:33:44] Yes.

[1:33:44] Right. Because you could bring a woman back to your own place rather than walking them past mom and dad on the couch.

[1:33:52] Well, I don't even want them to meet mom.

[1:33:53] No, I get it. So it would be much easier or in fact, it would be possible to date if you had your own place.
Right? That's number one. Number two, you can afford your own place, right?

[1:34:04] I can afford my own place.

[1:34:05] So why the fuck are you still at home?

Dream reveals loyalty to harmful people and sedation

[1:34:12] That is a great question. That is a very...

[1:34:15] But the dream is telling you.

[1:34:19] It's a very good question.

[1:34:20] Because you're loyal to people who are doing you harm and putting you in harm's way. The dream is very clear about that.

[1:34:27] I think it's more like I'm sedated. Maybe that's the best word, where I'm like, okay, I can go out on my own or I can stay here where it's, I don't know, comfortable.
Free food. I do pay some rent, but that's not.

[1:34:44] You're not But you understand you're sedating yourself, right?

[1:34:49] Yes, that's the With porn.

[1:34:51] With video games Like you're literally taking the sedation yourself.

[1:34:58] Yeah, I think before when I was in like Back in high school, it was like It helped me skip the day So I was like, it helped No.

[1:35:04] No, I don't I'm not going back eight years to high school You're talking about your life now, right?

[1:35:11] Yes, yes.

[1:35:13] So you're sedating yourself.

[1:35:18] Actually, let me give you an excuse.
I have some documents that I'm trying to file or get like SIM cards, stuff like that, that I'm still doing to get.
And then when I got that, then maybe, so then I'll leave then. then.
So after I've gotten that work done and documents, so maybe in the next, And that's the end of excuse. So there you go.

[1:35:51] I have no idea why getting SIM cards would mean you could or couldn't leave when you have the money to leave. So don't don't break it out for me.
But I mean, I just, you know, if you say I'm paying for a radiator, that's one thing. But I don't know what I don't know any of that means.

[1:36:04] It was an excuse. I was.

[1:36:07] OK, so if you're home, though, why don't you at least stop drugging yourself and give up your addictions?
Wouldn't that be better? Like if you're going to move out and start dating, it would be better not to be a video game and porn addict guy, right? Because those are two giant red flags for women, right?

[1:36:24] That's true. It's the opposite. Because I don't have to work as hard, I have a lot more time and energy, so I can spend that doing sedations. But if I had to...

[1:36:33] Well, no, but sedation takes away time and energy, right? Right.

[1:36:36] Well, that's what I'm saying. So if I had to, if I had a lot more expenses and I was like, okay, I got to, you know, be on point, then I couldn't afford the sedations. And then because like, okay, you can play video games or you can eat. And that would, um.

[1:36:51] No. So listen, if you're a guy who's minimal to no video games and a no fap guy, then you are automatically in the top 5% of men today. Plus you're good looking, plus you're fit.
plus you have an income, plus you've got an education, right?
So, like, people, you know, the guys are like, you know, well, it's hard to attract women.
And it's like, well, you can easily get into the top 10% just by not being a video game or porn addict.
And it's probably 5%, but let's be generous, right?
Because women don't want to date guys who are addicts to those things.
So, you're also loyal to your addictions rather than to your future.
Because addictions are all about managing the past.
They're all about managing upset in the past or whatever, right?
And so, this is why the dream has you facing backwards, right?
Because you're managing the past.

Addictions prevent zooming out and lead to regret

[1:38:01] and that's destroying your future right, i mean what what happens if nothing changes where are you in 10 years and i don't just mean like you probably will have moved out i.

[1:38:15] Had more savings.

[1:38:16] Okay so you've got more savings and you've moved out and you've got some professional professional success and so what What, what, what, do you, do you, are you married?
Do you have, do you have kids? Do you have a family?
Do you have a future with people who care about you?
Or are you just like this workhorse who stores gold in his ass?
Is your goal to be the loneliest and richest guy in the graveyard?
The thing about addictions is they drag you down to the daily, right? What am I doing for the next hour? What am I doing for the next day?
Maybe a week, but addictions prevent you from zooming out in your life as a whole.
Now, of course, at some point, if your addictions destroy your life, you'll get to zoom out and then that's really horrible.
It's really ghastly. It's a really terrible thing to go through.
I've seen it because I'm older, right? I've seen it happen to people where they just completely freak out about their whole lives. They finally get to zoom out when it's too late to fix.

[1:39:32] I i do get those flashes uh especially when because when i'm the days when i'm like literally not productive and doing anything else i do feel i get those you kind of i don't know those kind of like inner feelings like oh man i just wasted this time or this kind of like it kind of it's a feeling of loss so i i do i do get those feelings um no but what you don't.

[1:39:55] What you don't get and I'll tell you what I think you don't get and I apologize if that sounds arrogant and.

[1:40:02] Maybe... No, no, no.

[1:40:04] Okay. There's a perfect girl for you and she has 10 guys asking her out while you're sitting home staring at a screen, and she's going to get, married.
it's that sense of time passing, right?
The number of quality women available for you to date goes down every minute of every day.

[1:40:44] Every minute of every day?

[1:40:45] Every minute of every day. Some girl who'd be great for you getting asked out by some guy who's pulling up his pants and putting down the mouse.
and it's like when the Titanic is going down there's one less lifeboat every five minutes, right?
And you've got to get up to the fucking deck and get on the lifeboat, because there's going to be none.

Urgency to take action before missing out on potential partners

[1:41:22] Yeah.

[1:41:25] Some woman who would be perfect for you is right now, as we speak, getting knocked up by the wrong guy.
And she's going to end up as a single mom, and you probably won't want to date her. But if you dated her now, or if you dated her three months ago, or six months ago, or a year ago, she'd be perfect for you.
Some woman that you could date is instead dating a bad guy, and he's breaking her heart so that she's less emotionally available to pair bond with you and your future children.
Your inaction is the eggs have fallen through the universe like sand in the hourglass, right?

[1:42:11] Actually, that's kind of making me nervous.

[1:42:13] Am I wrong?
And your addictions are to avoid the sense of time passing, which is why they're kind of demonic.
You've got a groundhog day situation going on, right?

[1:42:31] I kind of feel responsible. I'm sorry. It makes me feel responsible.

[1:42:36] You're 25 or 20. You're in your mid-twenties. Of course you're responsible.
If not, you who? If not now, when?

[1:42:42] No, no. Responsible for, I guess, her decisions in that case.

[1:42:47] Well, if you're not out there asking girls out and you're a good guy and you are a good guy, if you're not out there asking girls out, you have some causality in them going out with less quality guys.

[1:43:00] Oh.

The Importance of Playing the Game Strategically

[1:43:06] If you're not playing the game and you're a really good player, you have some causality in who wins and loses.

The dilemma of responsibility for others' decisions

[1:43:22] Ha. Ha. Hmm.
I can't argue exactly with that. I don't like the idea of being responsible for someone else's decisions.

[1:43:44] Really? You don't like that? Do you think that I'm having some effect on your decisions?

[1:43:52] No.

[1:43:52] Do you? You call me. You want to call me. I'm happy we're talking.
Will I have some effect on your decisions? I mean, the whole point of these shows is at least to have some effect somehow, somewhere on some people's decisions.
Isn't that what you want from me?

[1:44:10] I think that's why I'm like, uncomfortable because...

[1:44:14] No, no, no, no. Isn't that what you want from me? Is for me to have some influence or effect on your decisions?

[1:44:23] Yes. Okay.

[1:44:25] So you're calling me saying, I really, really want you to have some effect on my decisions.
And then you're also saying, well, I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of having effects on other people's decisions.

[1:44:37] Yeah.

[1:44:39] So it's good for me, but bad for you.

[1:44:42] Good for me. Come on.

[1:44:44] You could be that.

[1:44:49] Yeah.
it's always easy to be on like the, I guess the receiving end where you're getting all the value.

[1:45:01] Right. But the value that I'm giving you everything in your dream, everything in your dream is passive. Everything.
Right. You're sitting on the back of a car being driven by someone else. You kind of roll off.
you're in a neighborhood you're caught up in a gun battle you're hiding out, you hope the cops don't put you in jail it's all passive and reactive you don't make a single proactive choice in the whole dream, and your dream says that leads to what? What does not making choices and being proactive and being willing to be wrong, because that's when you make your own choices, you're willing to be wrong.
What does the dream tell you happens if you're just carried along by circumstances?

[1:45:56] Danger.

[1:45:57] Massive danger. Massive danger.

[1:46:01] Massive danger. Hmm. Hmm.

The Illusion of Authority Figures

[1:46:12] And at the beginning of the dream when you see the real authority figure as the man in the striped tie not the Asian teacher, it means that the people who taught you are just following orders, they're not trying to teach you they're just following orders they're not authority figures they're just slaves to someone else who may in fact also be a slave to someone else, right?
They're not teaching you because they know, they're not teaching you because they're wise, and they're certainly not teaching you because they care about you.
They're programming you for fear of consequences and a desire for prestige, right? The teacher.
It means there aren't authority figures in an institutionalized setting, right?
Maybe out in the wild hinterlands of alternative media, but there's no authority figures in any institutionalized setting that are teaching you anything.
They're just following orders.

[1:47:15] Yeah. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

[1:47:19] And you don't even make a choice to leave that environment. Because in the dream, it just transitions, right?
You don't look at the Asian teacher and say, well, this guy's just following orders and he's not an authority figure.
He's kind of a slave. and I'm going to get up and I'm going to walk out of this place and never look back. You don't even make that choice.
You just stagger to another scenario with no transition in particular, right? Other than the lucid dreaming bit, which isn't really a transition.

[1:47:51] So

[1:47:51] You're passive in the classroom, you're passive on the car, you're passive in the neighborhood, you're passive in the back of the van, and you're just like a leaf on the waves, tossed here and there.

[1:48:05] That's a little frustrating actually that's kind of frustrating.

[1:48:09] Well it's comforting in the moment of course because you can never be wrong, if you're just reacting because you can always put the responsibility on other people right.

[1:48:22] You never have to define yourself.

[1:48:24] You never have to take risks. You just react. And listen, I say this with great sympathy. I really do. I say this with great sympathy.
And the fact that you're wrestling with these issues puts yourself far ahead of me when I was your age.
So I say this with all the humility in the known universe. And I am still a reactive and passive guy from time to time.
So this is a struggle that we all have.
Because society now has a serious case of tall poppy syndrome, right? Oh, you're going to be active. Oh, you're going to be proactive.
Oh, you're going to be honest. Oh, you're going to be moral.
Oh, you're going to be outspoken. Behead, right?

[1:48:59] You wouldn't believe how much debates I would have in class, but yeah, I understand exactly what you mean.

[1:49:03] Based on the dream, I think I would, but that's so, I mean, wanting to just be passive and reactive and not stick your head above the parapet is kind of understanding, right?
It's understandable, given the way the world is, but it needs to be conscious.
like I'm out of politics for reasons I've talked about that's a choice, so I'm not doing politics very conscious decision I announced it I've stuck to it now for two and a half years not doing politics, so you can choose you can choose to not do something but it's got to be choice it can't just be avoidance, it can't be like well I really want I really want to do politics but I'm just going to drink instead drink alcohol instead like that's not a choice that's just an avoidance.

[1:49:58] Oh this is so frustrating oh my god.

[1:50:01] Well the dream is frustrating, because stuff's just happening to you and you're just reacting and things get progressively worse.

Restlessness and the Need for Action

[1:50:19] I'm actually kind of feeling restless i kind of want to do something.

[1:50:22] Good okay well maybe maybe that's a good time to stop the conversation because maybe you need to make a list and maybe you need to make some plans and maybe you need to figure out who who you're going to ask out and you know next time you're at the gym or like maybe you know this is you restlessness is like okay stop talking to big chatty forehead and go go make some plans about your life yeah.

[1:50:42] I really do you appreciate this. Damn. So I'm just, I'm very uncomfortable right now.

[1:50:49] That's, uh, that's how philosophy do you, and me too, if there's any consolation.
Alright, well, listen, man, will you keep me posted about how things are going?

[1:51:01] Do you want me to just, like, I'm not sure how that would work.

[1:51:05] Just message me on Skype, or you can and call in.
I just want to know how things are going, and You know, you're, you're, listen, you're a great guy.
You're a smart guy and a wise guy.
And I mean, I won't say so much potential because that sounds like an insult to what you've achieved, which is considerable.
And I don't want to pretend that isn't the case, but you're a great guy, man.
You should, you should get a wife, be a dad and have quality people around you.
And maybe the dream is, is the wake up call for that stuff. have the.

[1:51:42] Wake-up call yes yes yes yes well i definitely appreciate your your insight uh i quite enjoy this conversation i have a lot to think about um damn i'm okay well.

[1:51:56] Okay go make your list about your fantasy life what you want make that fantasy reality make some decisions make some choices be willing to be wrong and um i think it'll be it'll be way better.

[1:52:09] Well yes i will i'll do that i appreciate you.

[1:52:12] All right man thanks thanks for the call i'll look forward to hearing from you and have yourself a great rest of the day you too bye.

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May 2024

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