How to Handle Real Time Conflicts! Transcript

Introduction and Book Announcement

[0:00] Thumpy Thump, good evening. It is the 7th of February, 2024, and we are here with the Wednesday Night Live. Hope you are checking out.
If you are a subscriber, particularly at, oops, hang on.
Yes, but also not only at, but also you can get this at slash freedomain, and you can check out part 17 of my new book on peaceful parenting.
Parenting and I hope that you are going to enjoy it.
I know I enjoyed writing it alarming though it may be sometimes to read but I think it's very good because very good.
All right and can close that.
RIP the stream repeat. I don't know what that means. Does that mean the stream is repeating eating or it's working.
I don't know what that means. Not helpful. If you guys have any tech issues, if you could be clear, I hope this Tucker Carlson interview doesn't release during this live stream.
Boy, they're just terrified of Tucker Carlson talking to one V Putin, right?
For obvious reasons. All right.
Doug says, I love the conversation about not throwing the baby out with the bath in the context of not looking for philosophical purity at the risk of missing the good that can be embedded in some superstition slash mysticism.
I'm glad that you enjoyed that.

[1:30] Let's see here. It's rare that I can't stomach some of the most wretched this world has to offer.
Origins of war and child abuse is one of the few things I will have to break into smaller chunks that it's making me quite queasy. Yes.
Yes. You know, it's funny. I was just reading, that, really starting in the 80s, publishing houses stopped looking or began to severely ignore, if not completely ignore, young white male writers.
You know, it's quite tragic to think just how long a system is not going to work for people before people take serious issue with that system.
I guess that's kind of the point, but it is quite tragic.
All right. I overheard a a colleague, somebody says, thank you for the tip.
I overheard a colleague say that he's nothing without his children.
At first, I felt this was a noble thing to believe, but later I felt that there was something a little off with the common idea.
Is it okay slash wrong to hold all your self-worth on others, even your children?
Or should all our self-worth always be held within ourselves? selves.

[2:36] I really, really, really, really, really, really dislike the guys who just, yo, I've been married for 20 years or 30 years.
I can't believe I found a woman foolish enough to stick it out with me, but I'm so glad that she has put up with me all these years.

Strong Disapproval of Self-Effacement and Gap Year Travel

[3:00] It literally makes me throw up a little in my nasal passages.
I find to this level of self-effacement, oh, I'm nothing without my children.
Everything is for myself. Oh my God.
You think your children are going to enjoy that? Do you genuinely think that you are going to score points on this planet, with anyone decent by saying you're worthless and that other people just somehow put up with you? I just think that's just terrible.
And it's a very, very common thing.
Do you think gap year style holidays to countries like India as something to encourage discourage or be ambivalent about?
Why would you want to go and spend a year in India or any place like it?
Like why on earth would you want to go and spend a year in that?

Disapproval of Taking a Gap Year

[4:01] I think it's a complete waste of time. If you're going to take a gap year, get a fucking job.

[4:11] I'm going to pretend I'm an aristocratic idiot from the 19th century, some Robert Barron offspring, and I'm going to go travel the world for a year.
It's like, just get a job.
Be productive. Work. Get experience. Do something. Oh, I'm going to India for a year.
For what? What? Overcome deli belly. Oh my gosh. I just think it's terrible.
All right. Hi, Stefan. I'm going well. I'm going with my husband on a paid for vacation by his company with the other top performers.
Any advice or tips on how I can be the best wife ever and make him shine amongst his coworkers and boss?
Yeah. Um, a man's status is to some degree determined by the quality of the wife that he has.
A man's status. This is why Ben Shapiro is always talking about it.
My wife, with the doctor, right?
But a man's status is to some degree determined by the quality of wife that he has.
And so just be funny, be engaging, be warm, be curious, be sympathetic.
And here's the thing, man, here's the thing.
If you want to succeed in the business world as a spouse, actually quite simple, just ask people questions.
The number of people in the business world, and I remember I had an old boss many years ago who was like, yeah, I've been in this, I've been an entrepreneur for like 30 years and he said the one thing that I don't waste time on anymore is I'll give someone three to four minutes maybe, maybe five minutes on the outside.
If all they're doing is talking about themselves, I make my polite excuses and move on.

[5:38] To not talk about yourself is like this staggering superpower in the social universe.
To just ask people's questions, to be curious about other people, to just, not have your head up your own ass eternally just seems to be this incredible superpower and it's not just superpower in the business world it's a superpower everywhere it's a superpower everywhere.

[6:05] Are Canadians so nice in general because they're trying to cover for the awfulness of the French Canadians ass? Muck and jerk.
No, Canadians are nice in general because it was a homogenous high-trust society.
It's like, why are people in Japan nice?
Homogenous high-trust society. It's just the way that it is. All right.
Jared says, was going to have some plywood I was buying cut for me.
Until they told me they could not guarantee accuracy.
Steph, when will you move your book to present to the documentary section when Rachel is clinging to the roof of a convenience store?
All right, let's see here. My young sister is in India doing that, so that's why I asked. Your young sister is spending a year in India?

[7:02] Well, um, oh, this is the same girl who does exotic dancing. Yeah.
Yeah. It's, um, have you seen the video?
I think it's a woman who went to Pakistan. She's lying on the beach and she says, here's my view from the beach in Pakistan.
And there's like a ring of like 40 young Pakistani men around her just staring at her. And it's like, I can't imagine that's super relaxing.
You know, wherever you want to go, or any group you want to evaluate, it's pretty simple.
All you do is you look at their belief systems.
You look at how do they feel about women? How do they feel about outsiders?
How do they feel about people not part of their own group? What are their arguments?
What are their morals? What are their views?
Do they have to tell you the truth? Are their morals universal?
Do they have a respect for rights and personal space and privacy?
Right? Just do research. That's all.
Ah, well, not every member of that group believes everything that that group thinks. I don't care. I don't care.
I mean, the belief systems in the group is your baseline, right?
Yeah, there'll be some people who won't. All right.

Fear of Cryptocurrency and Taking the Plunge

[8:24] All right. Hi, Steph. I wanted to let you know that I used to be afraid of cryptocurrency.

[8:29] Felt like I missed the boat. Well, I think you should be terrified of cryptocurrency as a whole.
Bitcoin, not so much, of course. In my humble opinion, he says, after listening to you, I've decided to take the plunge and began small purchases on a monthly basis.
Better than a Canadian RRSP, registered retirement savings plan.
There's this deal in Canada where you, I think it's like a, is it like a 401k in America where you put money away tax-free and you're only taxed when you withdraw it?
With the idea being that when you're old and don't have an income, you do all of that.
So French Canadians aren't as horrible as I've been led to believe.
I mean, I lived in Quebec for four years.
I went to McGill University. I went to the National Theatre School.
I lived in Montreal for four years. And I never had any particular problem with the French.
Now, there was a French acting troupe that was, uh, you know, the galatoise, you know, this is this cool, sour, resentful, black hearted French nihilist crap was all over the place.
But I assume that's just more French than Quebecois as a whole.
So and, you know, people are people, right? Most people you meet are pretty nice.
I mean, in my experience, and I've had a lot of experience now, traveled the world, and I'm pushing up to my sixth decade, or I'm in my sixth decade.
So most people you meet are pretty nice.

[9:57] Just about everywhere I went in the world. And I'm pretty nice, and I enjoy chatting with people, so I bring that positive energy, and people usually reflect it back.

[10:07] People are not themselves. People are their environment. That's sort of the big thing. Oh, look at that.
Oh, crypto. Poppin'. It's almost 60,000 Canadian. Well, that's nice.
Probably because that listener is buying a few bits.
Do you support Quackzit?
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

[10:34] Uh, I, I, and that's politics. I don't, I don't care.
What's that? Did you see the picture of a guy with a map of Texas carved into the side of his hairdo?
And he says, when you're expecting a receding headline, hairline, but you actually get a seceding hairline.
All right. Um, yeah, most people are their environment.
Most people are just water and they pour themselves into the, into the expectations of those around them.
So if they meet in general most people if they meet someone positive they're positive if they meet someone hostile they're hostile if they hear someone if they meet someone neutral they're boring they're just most people it's just you know when you if you ever bored as a kid and you just throw a ball against the wall or i used to um i used to go to the local school and pound the tennis ball against the wall uh in the evenings uh it was just a great way if i never went around to play tennis or I couldn't afford the tennis membership.
So wherever you hit the ball is where the ball comes back from.
So most people are, you know, like I've had occasionally people hostile to me come up to me in public and I'm like, Hey, let's talk, you know, tell me more.
What do you disagree with? What do you dislike? And they just melt. They just melt.
They don't actually have any particular hostility. They don't have any particular ideas behind themselves. So.

[11:55] So, yeah, it's, um, most people will simply reflect the energy that you're giving them.
And, you know, there's some people who won't, but most people will reflect the energy that you give them and they don't have any particular independent thoughts or energy of their own.

[12:13] So, as far as people in Quebec go, they were always nice to me.
I'm always, you know, I'm a universally friendly person, UFP, UFP. I'm a universally friendly person.
I really enjoy chatting with people. I'm really curious about people.
I love to learn the details about people's lives.
And I can remember, I was talking to a waiter and he's like, I was talking to a waiter today. I asked him a question about, I went for lunch with my wife.
And I was talking to a waiter today and I asked him a question about the menu.
He's like, oh, you know, I don't, sorry, I don't know. I've literally only been working here for like six weeks.
And I'm like, oh, where'd you come from? Oh, I came from this place.
Oh, why did you leave? Oh, the crime was high. We've come here.
Like, it was just, and I'm just, I want to get his life story.
I literally want to get his life story. I could do a documentary on anyone and everyone.

[13:05] And I just want to know everything about everyone all the time.
I'm just big sponge of human experience. This is why the call-in shows, like I will do call, I'll be on my deathbed trying to finish a call-in show.
It's just, that's just the way that it is.
It's just the way that it is. I love, love, love hearing about people's lives and thoughts and histories.
And it's just absolutely fascinating to me.
It's absolutely, nothing human is alien to me. And I just have a rabid curiosity.
But you didn't ask him about his childhood.
Well, that's, that's a whole different thing if we have a little bit more time.
But I try not to get people engaged in very lengthy conversations when they're working.
So because they got to work, right? I wouldn't want to get the guy fired because he's crying about his mom.

[13:56] Let's see here.
I asked about your ideal dinner invitation last stream, but I may have missed your answer. Is there anyone living today that you would include?
And if not, who would we expect to see attending?
That I would love to have dinner with?

[14:20] I hate to say it, man. My ideal dinner invitation is my family.
And some friends, right? But yeah, I mean, that's my...
That's my ideal.
That's my ideal is family and friends. Is there someone out there in the world that I would love to have dinner with?
Well, okay, so tell me, tell me. I'm happy to hear.
Who are the thinkers or the public people out there? Who are the thinkers or public people out there that you deeply respect?
Right? Who are the people out there and you just look at them and you're like, Like, man, you got it going on. I really, really respect you.

[15:17] I mean, hopefully me a little bit, but, you know, who else? Who else?
No, no, no. It's got to be somebody alive. Ecoutez. Pay attention. We're talking about.
Raise your fist. Man, that guy has the gift of gab. And I think I remember seeing him do a plunge off the back of his chairs, which he posted after he fell, which I thought was pretty cool.
Taki Carlson. Roger Scruton.
The problem is, for me, I just tell you the problem is, and I'm not going to get into particular individuals.
I'm not going to get into particular sticks. No, sticks and razor fists are two different guys.
Um, the problem is I just know too much.
I know too much because I've built philosophy from the ground up and I have wandered for the last, I mean, for 40 years, I've been working on philosophy and I've just built it all from the ground up.
Round up i know too much and also i've just you know over the last 18 years of doing this show i've talked to so many people about so many different topics and researched so much and read so much i just i know too much which means that i know all the topics that people aren't talking about i know all the people i know all the things that people aren't talking about.

[16:41] So everyone who i would have supper with i would know that they're not talking about things and they're not talking about not talking about things so that would be uh that would be tough, i would have set the mises people until i saw how they're retarded on parenting yes that was a very sad thing wasn't it hunt hoppy talking about hitting children and, Oh gosh, was it Jeffrey Tucker, and I can't remember who else, who were just laughing along, and it's like, no, that's gross.
So I don't know that there's many people. I mean, there's nobody who pops to mind who I'd be like, gotta have dinner with this person and so on.
And plus these days, I mean, you never know who's recording what and who's compromised and who's just the way that it is. Can you really have a free conversation with anyone about anything these days?
I would imagine not so much. I would imagine not so much.
Rothbard was pro-spanking as well. Tucker wanted to abolish a minimum drinking age.
Abolish a minimum drinking age.

[18:03] So, yeah, there's just so much that people aren't talking about that.

Pushback on Tucker Carlson interview and Ukraine/Russia situation

[18:06] Okay. Steph, what do you make of the pushback regarding the upcoming Tucker Carlson interview?
Does it come down to potentially steering the American public elsewhere in regards to Ukraine slash Russia?
I heard the new term for money laundering is foreign aid, and this may be lost if general sentiment changes.

[18:25] So. So, yeah, but I mean, Rothbard would have been circumcised, right?
So I assume that that's going to give people some pretty, I mean, that gives people long and deep body trauma regarding aggression against children.
Right? So it's tough. It's a tough situation for sure.
Yeah, I mean, the Tucker Carlson interview.
So without talking about that in particular, because it's kind of political, but, you know, it's funny.
One of the things that I find kind of boring is the gotchas, the contradiction gotchas, you know?
Well, this person said this, and then they said the opposite.
And like, gotcha, you know, and all that kind of stuff.
Like, you know that the ability to contradict yourself is not a bug of power. It's a feature of power.
It's a feature of power. To be immune from consequences for contradiction is a feature of power. So if the kid in a classroom contradicts himself, the teacher can point it out.
If the teacher contradicts herself, well, I guess you can point it out, but you're just going to get punished. And then you won't, right?

[19:43] So yeah people are you know like people who have power a sadistic and they enjoy you being helpless in the face of their contradiction you're actually feeding their sick fetish right, right yeah so i contradicted myself nothing you can do about it i mean you i caught you in a contradiction it's like but they have power the whole point of power is you can do whatever you you want and so torturing people by being contradictory torturing people by being contradictory towards them and then having them pointed out and they can't do anything about it i mean it's part of the fun of power isn't it do you have lows in canada it's the only hardware store i physically feel spiritual dread every time i go in really lows is the antichrist to you corporate hates their employees employees hate corporate their lumber sucks and you can never ever find help.
Yeah, I don't know why Lois is doing that to you.
I mean, one of my first jobs was in a hardware store, and I worked there for a couple of years.
But it wasn't Lois. It was home hardware.

[20:56] Yeah, you know, I mean, Judge now doesn't have presidential confidential immunity, but is it only for this case?
Or, you know, oh, they're just creating, yeah, they kind of had a new law for E. Jean Carroll and things like that.
And it's like, okay, so it's contradictory.
It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's power, man.

The fascination with power and historical anecdotes

[21:15] I mean, I hate to laugh because it's not that funny, but that's what power is.

[21:24] I'd like to have been a fly on the wall in the White House when Wilson was president.
He led in such nastiness.
Why would you want to watch all of that? Why would you want to watch politics?
I mean, I'd rather be a fly in an outhouse than the White House.
Oh, and I was reading this the other day. I was reading this the other day.
I think it was someplace in Florida.
It was some private entrepreneur who built some giant hotel. God, was it St.
Augustine? St. Augustine? I remember, well, why would you build a hotel for a medieval priest?
But I think it was in Augustine, and that hotel had power three years before the White House did in America. It had electrical power three years before the White House, which I think was pretty neat, pretty cool.
Pretty neat, pretty cool. All right, y'all, you're going to be tipping me or no? I'm fine if you don't. I'm totally fine if you don't.

[22:18] Look, it's tough to dehumanize, right? It's tough to dehumanize people when you hear their point of view.
Right? When you hear their point of view. So, I mean, obviously for people to get direct exposure to, and it would be very interesting to see, this Tucker Carlson interview, right?
With Putin. So it'd be very interesting to see if they do a translation so that it sounds like English coming out of Putin's mouth.
Because you can do that now with AI and other things, right?
So you get a translation going and it sounds like English coming out of Putin's mouth.
So it's not a subtitle. It's, you know, it sounds like, and it'll be really wild for people to hear another perspective of the West.
So one of the points of Western media is to keep non-Western media perspectives out, right?

[23:12] So it would be pretty wild.
All right. I hate politics. there's bark back thank you for the tip but that period before the 2016 election when you were discussing it made me genuinely interested in it i have found a lack of relatability in any recommendations i get from friends when it isn't steph well thank you i think i had a fairly good ability to unpack politics from a philosophical standpoint but philosophy has no place in politics anymore in my in my opinion hearing your explanation on why you wouldn't do content with others.
How do you feel if someone else, maybe younger, picked up on your work and spread it?
I mean, I don't know. What do you mean by my work? If somebody wants to start spreading UPB, yeah, I could use a Darwin's bulldog for UPB for sure.

[24:05] Do you think it's a major problem where therapists try to micromanage their patients, including their actions and thoughts, when they're not abusive?
I don't understand that. I don't understand that.
Yeah, I mean, therapists can't micromanage anyone. They can only say words, right?
You mean if the therapists tell people what to do? I mean, I don't know what school of therapy is supposed to tell you what to do.
I think most therapists are supposed to try and get you to come to your conclusions yourself. Not them, not them.

[24:44] All right, let me just see here. What do I have for comments?
It's getting an odd series of questions tonight. They're like oddly personal and not particularly philosophical.
Do you think it's bad when therapists order their patients around?
It's like, well, of course. Like, you know, I don't know what to say about that, really, other than it's so blinding. They even use the word micromanage.
So micromanagement, I suppose, by definition, is not great, right?
Otherwise, it would just be management.
Accomplishment so argument from excess is not an argument right.

[25:23] What do you think of this exaggeration well an exaggeration is probably not great by definition right all right what do you think of someone who puts in the minimal effort well minimal it's you know not that great and unless they're doing some genius thing like you know what i mean like it's like if somebody says well what do you think of this huge excess or massive deficiency It's like, well, I guess you've kind of defined them as negative because of the huge access, excess and massive deficiencies.
So what can I tell you?
You have, um, you have already come to your conclusion and you're looking for agreement, right?
Well, what do you think of this crazy excess? It's like, well, you already have a conclusion and you're looking for an agreement.
And I find that kind of odd, to be honest.

[26:19] I find that kind of odd.
Thank you, Kairos Rothbard. Thank you very much. I appreciate that.
All right. If I have offspring, I won't have them circumcised first out of religious objections and second from your education on the negative effects of circumcision on children.
I'm a Christian and a Gentile and not a Hebrew.
I was circumcised as a baby. I'm sorry about that because that is just what they do in America by default.
Always told that it had marginal health benefits that are negated by minimum practice of hygiene. Yeah.
When does the premium show on weight loss and gain dropping?
I assume in the next day or two.
Would you say that John Locke or Ayn Rand had a bigger influence on your thinking?
I was debating that with a friend earlier and I said John Locke was a bigger influence.

[27:14] Metaphysics, Ayn Rand, And probably John Locke with epistemology, like study of knowledge and so on, right? Study of the source of knowledge.
I've had three therapists in a row trying to boss me around to the nth degree, so it may be a societal issue.
I don't know that it would be a societal issue if it is therapists themselves.
That would be more of a, I assume, therapist issue.
Hopefully your daughter is the apprentice now, now will be in my 60s expecting her podcast.
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's tough. I have obviously a fairly big personality and for my daughter to have her own life, she's going to have to go through a phase of rejecting what I do.
You have to get distance in order to, you know, you can't grow as a tree when you're in the shade of another tree, right?
So you have to get some distance and part of that distance may be rejecting what it is that I do.
I don't mean like disavowing it. I just mean that she probably won't want to do what I do.
Now, maybe But later in life, when she settles into her own identity, it may be a bit of a boomerang thing.
But, you know, teenagers have to put space between themselves and their parents in order to have their own capacity to see the sky and get some sunlight.

The Evolution of Therapy Education

[28:28] You know, I'm also sensitive with the therapy question. I'm also sensitive to the fact that, of course, a lot of therapists who are around now would have been educated over the last 20 years or so, or maybe 20, 25 years, which wouldn't have been the case for the therapists that I saw 25 years ago.
They would have been educated 50 or 55 years ago, and education has gone through this complete revolt over the last couple of decades.
I mean, really, 2011, 2012 was when the real woke stuff began breaking out of the universities.
And of course, a little bit earlier than that, they had to break up the Wall Street protest, right? The Occupy Wall Street.
And they introduced racial conflicts into the Wall Street to disarm them from being opposed to the bankstras.
So it was all part of a big social engineering and escape from liability and accountability and responsibility plan.
All right. Let me just see here. Sorry.
I may have just one too many tabs open.
Let's see here. Do do.

[29:41] All right, let's get to some, oh yeah, the woman in the clown makeup.
When you finally convince him to go to therapy and the therapist advises him to break up with you.
So this is interesting. Firefighters and MBA students were asked how they'd feel if they bought a new car, showed their friend, and the next day the friend buys the same kind of car, right?
I think this is very interesting. So firefighters and MBA students were asked how they'd feel if they bought a new car, showed their friends, and the next day the friend buys the same kind of car. Percent who report they'd feel upset.
Firefighters, 3%.
MBAs, 47%. So I'm 15 times higher, right?
So the firefighters were not upset if their friend bought the same kind of car.
3% who were actually doing stuff.
The MBA paper pushers, 47%.

[30:42] That's pretty pathological I'd feel honored if I said Hey, I just bought this new kind of car I really like it And my friend was like Oh yeah, great You know, you just saved me a bunch of time I respect your judgment I'll go out and get the same kind of car Thank you I'd be like Oh, good, yeah, Car bros Wonder twins activated So I thought that was so upset The MBAs, almost half of them would be upset If a friend buys the same kind of car Oh my god This is where people are. How many of them would feel betrayed?
Firefighters, 13%. MBAs, 47%.
Isn't that wild?
Isn't that wild? Very, very sad. Very, very sad.
All right, what else do we have? have.

The Upset Over Same Car Ownership

[31:36] Ah, yes. Ah, yes.
Let's see here.
Have you ever heard of this? Go bag? Have you ever heard of this with people?
A go bag or an escape situation.
Just genuinely happy that that this is a weekly thing. Well, rough, rough, or bark, bark, it is in fact a thrice-weekly thing.
Wednesday night, 7 p.m. Eastern. Friday night, 7 p.m. Eastern.
Sundays, 11 a.m. Eastern.

[32:14] MBAs believe there are special firefighters are grown men who need cohesion to survive.
You know, the epistemology of people who don't work with things is almost always completely screwed up.
They're almost always completely. If you don't work with things, if you, I mean, as I've said this before, any intellectual who's never worked with his hands doing something empirical and absolute, I just, I really don't care what they have to say.
They're way too abstract, way too abstract.
If somebody, if somebody who's never worked with his hands, who's never actually had to deal with unforgiving absolute reality which can't be manipulated you can't talk your way in and out of it it's a very real thing you can't go complain to people you can't go to the dean you can't go cry to mommy you know you're just dealing with shit and especially if it's dangerous shit you know like when i was working with flamethrowers and giant drills which which we were humping around on our backs up north.
I mean, you fuck up, you're dead.
And, and, or even if you get injured, because we were like probably two or three days away from a hospital, you got to call in the plane, you got to get the plane out, you got to get from the plane, you got to get to the hospital somehow on like icy back roads.
And yeah, so you fuck up, you're dead.
And I almost did a few times. And it could have gone very, very badly indeed.
So when people are like, reality is subjective, All they're telling me is I've never worked. I've never done anything dangerous with my hands.

[33:42] I'm a soft, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm urban. I don't deal with reality.
I'm, I've never been in a situation where words don't help.
So I can talk myself in and out of stuff. You get all that arrogance of the urban decadent elites and so on.
It's like, damn, like if you haven't worked a dangerous job with your hands, honestly, I mean, more power to you.
Good for you. I mean, I wish I hadn't had to, but given that I did, um, I mean, I'll listen to you about a bunch of stuff, but when it comes to base reality, you've never met it.
You don't know what base reality is because you live in a world of words and manipulation and so on.
So yeah, if people haven't done hard, dangerous, difficult work in reality, usually in nature, generally don't care what they have to say about philosophy as a whole.
All right. Uh, let me get to your comments here.
I'd feel like a real squad if we had the same vehicle. Yeah, nothing wrong with that.
I remember my wife giving birth at a hospital and how it was like a fight to avoid circumcision.
They are persistent, and anybody who isn't solid on the subject beforehand will be bullied into it.
I still can't really comprehend how doctors and nurses are made to be this way, even if you explain it again, it's too wild. out.
Yeah. Isn't it? The amount of cruelty in the world is truly staggering.

[35:09] I highly appreciated your solo show on No Fuck Up Society's 80% electrical uptime.
Would be super irritating. Oh, yeah, for sure.
I got punched by a customer one time in a pub because I told him to stop doing cocaine in the toilet. I've earned my hardness.
Why didn't you just call the cops?
On high-rise construction, iron workers, foundation guys, and elevator builders were the best guys and super reliable. Oh, yeah, guys who work with their hands.
They will take a bullet for principles I mean the guys who work with their hands if you're ever in I mean if you're ever in real trouble if shit's ever really going down you want the guys who work with their hands around you you don't want the MBAs you don't want the finance guys you don't want the I don't know, HR department you want the guys, who work with their hands they are tough, they are reliable, they are objective yeah, Jared says, on working with your hands, I'm working in an electrical panel right now, touched the wrong piece of metal, and you're taking your time. Yeah, very good.
Very good. I've done that quite a bit on Skeld.
So I'm with you, brother. I'm with you.

[36:24] This, they were easy to die on the work trays. It's a different breed.
Yeah, and you know, even if it's tough sports, like even if it's not working with your hands, even if it's just really tough sports, that's good-ish.
That's better than nothing. But even tough sports is tough to find these days.
Even tough sports guys are tough to find these days. Ah well, T-levels are dropping and sperm levels are dropping I would imagine most likely due to hand-spank-monkey-excessive-masturbation flurries.
Basically most people's, most young men's wrists and hands have just turned into self-whack-a-mole blenders these days. All right.

Discovery of the Go Bag

[37:10] I'm sorry, let me just get back to my... Yeah, so I thought that was interesting. All right.
So go bags. Let's get to the go bags. There's a website or a forum called Am I the Asshole?
Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for wanting to leave my wife because she had a go bag? My wife and I have been together for five years now.
We have a two-year-old and we're planning to expand our family.
I decided to tidy up my wife's closet because there was a mold problem in the garage.
And I decided to inspect the whole house. There, I found a gym bag with clothes, some dry fruits, some tampons, like a thousand dollars.
I asked my wife about it, and her face suddenly lost its color.
At first, she told me that it was just an emergency bag in case we were hit by an earthquake or something.
I asked her why did she hide it from me then. After a bit of back and forth, she sheepishly confessed that it's a go-bag.
Basically, women who need to flee their abusers are told to keep a go-bag in all essential supplies, like money and clothes and stuff.
I asked her, why exactly does she ever feel the need to do this?
I've never even talked to her in a loud voice. We barely have arguments.
Why does she think that I'm going to become an abuser?
She said, she's not saying I am an abuser. She just wanted to do it for the peace of her mind. I don't buy her excuse.
I don't think she trusts me. Otherwise, she wouldn't have to go so far.
I took some days to mull it over, and I've come to the conclusion that I can't be with a woman who can't trust me and who sees me as an abuser.

[38:35] I asked her for a separation and told her that I can't be with a woman who doesn't trust me I believe that trust is the foundation of a relationship and if she doesn't trust me then it's better we part ways, now she's making excuses that she read too many mommy forums and let herself be influenced by them she showed me the forums where they discuss go bags and how every woman should have one, I get the logic but I can't stay with a woman who does not trust me to know that she never needed to do such a thing, I agree to take more time to think about it but I think divorce will let her find a man she trusts, to be an abuser because she does not trust me now, tell me what you guys think what do you think of that what do you think of that story, what do you think of that story story.

[39:35] She's the asshole go back for domestic abuse. I've heard of one for disasters or fire.
I want to get your thoughts because I heard the story from the other side as well.
I think that is a control thing. I saw this one. He's looking for a divorce excuse. He's lying.

Divorce and the involvement of a child

[40:04] I don't agree with divorcing I think they've got a lot of work, on but leaving divorcing her is going too far the last part is not a solution to her wrongs far too late for leaving there's a kid involved yeah there's a kid involved looking to expand okay again terms of exceptions, terms of exceptions possessions this stuff is rampant in women or moms groups you also get told you need your own income and to never rely on a man right yeah just rely on the government that's totally safe, it's good to be prepared both people seem to be overreacting it's an opportunity to get closer to her i'm going to treat you as though you are potentially an abuser so anything you say or do, uh i can say it's abusive and you'll be more likely to comply maybe her suspicions are right because he's ready to leave her so easily.
I think I'd see if she'd be willing to direct the go bag in a healthy direction.
She can keep the go bag. I will keep a go bag for the family.
Did he say they have a kid? Yeah, one kid.
I think they're both looking for a reason to divorce.
They should call in and learn some RTR. If the go bag is expressly for leaving the guy, then it's not a good thing.
No, nobody's saying it's a good thing. Nobody's saying it's a good thing.

[41:21] Yeah, it's interesting, right?
Women apparently are, they're completely terrified of their own husbands, but they keep voting for policies that are destructive to women.
That's totally fine. It's strange, strange, but true.
It's totally true.

[41:57] I if she's made a kid with him she should trust him yeah I agree with that anyone could go crazy to be fair like if you got a head injury anyone could go crazy to be fair like if he got a head injury interesting but if he has a head injury it wouldn't just i mean he would be in the hospital right they do brain scans and so on, i don't think it would be the case that she wouldn't need to go back in that situation and of course she could get a head injury and get violent as well you know 50 of domestic abuse Abuse is committed by females, and of course, as we know, men are much more likely to be subject to violent crime than men.

[42:52] So I don't agree with his assessment. I don't have any answers that are valid or true.
I would just say, look, guys, guys, one of the things, you know, with exceptions, tons of exceptions, But one of the things you kind of got to understand is that women are quite easily influenced, you know, for, for good and for bad, for better and for worse.
It's just, I mean, women score higher in, in niceness, in quote compliance in, you know, they just, they just score nicer in agreeableness.
So women can be quite easily influenced. Now men can be quite easy, easily influenced as well, for sure, but in, in different kinds of ways.
So if she's in and around these kinds of groups, a man would be like, well, I wouldn't believe any of that stuff. It's like, but you're not a woman.
So you have to understand that there's differences. And again, there's pluses and minus men tend to be more atomized and we tend not to be as good at hanging onto relationships.
We tend not to be as good at organizing social events as hanging onto relationships of maintaining friendships.
We tend not to be as good at that, which is not good in a lot of times, particularly when you get older, right? It's not particularly good at all.

Men's atomization and the loss of social life

[44:07] So the fact that women are more agreeable tends to keep social life going.
And you know, this is what happens to men if they get divorced.
They lose all of their social life because it was all being run by their wife, right?
It was all being run by their wife.

[44:26] So men tend to be a little bit atomistic. We tend to get a little bit lost in abstractions. We don't value our relationships as much.
And a lot of men let their relationships decay in the absence of a woman to keep them connected to keep social events going and so on so a part of men's atomization is a bad thing and so for men it's like well why would you be influenced by all of these people what's because you're a dude and dudes work with things and women work with people on average again tons of exceptions blah blah, blah, blah, right?
So if a woman is embedded in a particular social environment, she's most likely going to take on at least some of the characteristics of that environment.
Whereas men tend to be more like, we keep that distance.
We don't have that agreeableness as much as women. And so you could say it's independent.
You could say it's atomistic, whatever you want to say. So we're less influenced, by those around us than women are.
And you can get mad at this if you want, but I mean...

[45:24] I don't know what the point is at getting mad at things that evolved, you know, getting mad at women when women's reproductive choices have made us the apex predators on the planet and given us the greatest brain known to man, God, or universe.
The universe is like getting mad at that. It's like, you know, it's like calling Elon Musk's business acumen faulty and terrible.
It's like, well, he is the richest guy in the world. Now, someone else's business acumen who's a little faulty is Bill Gates. Uh, but you know, if Bill Gates had just hung onto his original Microsoft stock, he'd be like the world's first trillionaire.

[46:02] So, yeah, it's, I mean, for a man, you have to be alert and aware of the social environments that your women are in. It's nothing to do with controlling it.
Just be alert and aware of the social environments that your friends are in.
And I wrote about this in my novel called The Future, which you should absolutely get a hold of at slash books.
So if, you know this, if a woman is getting divorced, her friends are much more likely to get divorced shortly after.
If a woman is getting divorced, her female friends are much more likely to get divorced shortly after.
It's just, it's kind of like a dominoes thing.
It's kind of crappy to expose yourself to content that will turn you against your husband.

[46:52] Judging rather than being curious is the death of relationships.
Relationships i mean if all you want to do is just judge why she was stupid she shouldn't have been involved in this she shouldn't have kept a go back she shouldn't have been on these forums, rather than hey you know tell me what the forums are providing for you i mean maybe there was some really good parental advice maybe she's a stay-at-home mom maybe she was isolated maybe the dad's working too much maybe her family's a long way away or they don't get along or maybe she hasn't worked as hard as she should to get friends and maybe so if you're just going to to judge people, then you can't have relationships with them. You just can't.

The inability to judge the mother of one's child

[47:26] Now, you can judge her if you want, but I'm talking about from the husband's perspective, right?
Like, you're already committed. You're married. You got a kid.
Judgment is a long time ago. Like, judgment is dating.
Judgment goes down enormously when you get engaged, and judgment stops completely Completely, when you get married. You understand?
You cannot judge the mother of your child because you've already judged her to be the mother of your child, so you can't judge her. Does this mean you can't give any feedback?
Oh, yeah, you can give feedback, but you can't fundamentally judge her.
I mean, that's in the rear view.
Like, after you jump out of the plane with a parachute, you can't choose to not fall.
Like, judgment is in the past. Now you've just got to open your parachute and float down to the ground.
You don't jump off, you don't jump out of the plane with the parachute and then say, because I've actually done this, believe it or not, but you don't jump out of the plane with the parachute and then say, I'm still on the fence about it.
Like, well, if you don't pull the thing, you will actually be on the fence, but bisected into Eric the half a B style.
So you all want to jump to judgment, right? Because judgment feels good.
It feels self-righteous.

[48:48] No, no, no. Judgment is for evaluation.
If you are going for a job, the judgment is when you go to apply and you go to the interview, you get the job description, you negotiate the salary.
But after you sign the contract, you show up and they're paying your ass, you don't get to say, yeah, I'm still trying to figure out whether I want to work here. No.
No. That's in the past. Now, you can decide to quit, but you can't sit around saying, saying I'm trying to decide whether I want to work here because you already signed the contract. I don't understand this stuff.
You already judged her. You already married her. You already have children with her.
What are you doing judging her? So you find a go-bag.
Tell me more. I'm so offended. Like, you're just getting offended, you're getting your high horse, and you're judging her.
It's a test of empathy. Like, please, please, dear God above, You know, in any decent club, you hope that you check your weapons at the door, right?

[50:02] You check your judgments at the altar. You check your judgments with the ring.
After you get engaged, and particularly after you get married, the judgment stuff is done.
You let it go. You let it go like dating other women. You let it go like you just, it's done.
You get it low, you let it go like dating apps. It's done.
You've already made your decision.
You're all in. So the idea that this guy is going to say, I am now judging you negatively, because you have a go bag. Well, you married a woman who has a go bag.

[50:52] Tim says, I may have misunderstood. If she just had a bag shoved away somewhere, I don't think it's a bad thing, but if she made it known to him, okay, I mean, if you weren't here or you weren't listening, I can't go over the fucking story again, man. I mean, I read the whole thing.
So if you weren't listening, I'm not going. I don't know why people, when people don't know what the story is, but just want to chime in, I want to type, I want to put my hand up, I don't know the answer, I don't even know what the question is, but I want to talk.

The Importance of Having a Go Bag

[51:20] Strange to me. Hey, if you weren't listening or you weren't here, that's fine.
Then don't chime in. Don't chime in. I think it's a good idea to have a bag in preparation to escape in case of many different scenarios like a natural disaster.
That has nothing to do with this. There's absolutely nothing to do with this.

[51:41] You know, this guy used a knife to stab someone.
Well, I think it's really good to have a knife in case you need to whittle a peach tree or cut a steak.
What's that got to do with this?
Could be having an affair. Could be a space alien in a lizard suit and a flesh.
I don't know. Guys, guys, guys.
Try and stay with the conversation. We've only been going 50 minutes.
Just try and stay with the conversation. Oh, gosh.
Well, look at that. I married a woman, but I have no idea that women tend to be a bit more susceptible to peer and social pressure than men. Just had no idea.
Well, then I don't know who you married because that's what women are.
Does anybody not know that women can be a little bit more susceptible to social or peer pressure?
That women tend to conform, tend to go along a bit. Does anybody not know that?
Hit me with an N if you had no idea that women can be a little bit more conformist when it comes to social or peer pressure.
Come on. Hit me up. Hit me up. Give me an N.

[53:00] Very insightful about judgment. I struggle with it. It's really a relationship killer, in my opinion. In any case, she's sus.
No, she's not sus. You married her. You had a kid with her. She's not sus.
That's all. You already made those decisions.
And guys, if you've ever been a boss, absolutely, they love being one of the group.
Okay, I'll give you a little clue, right? Because, you know, maybe you guys don't see this as clearly.
Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. have you ever heard of seasonal fashions for women have you ever heard like if you see these magazines uh this season's look uh is in uh this this kind of shoe these handbags are in we did this whole fucking stanley cup thing like not a week or two ago right where there's just this convulsion of conformity right no you can't wear that that was last year these these they're these These lapels are too white.

[54:05] I mean, isn't that...
Isn't that what half of the malls are about? Oh, no, no, you can't wear that.
The big jackets, they're out. The big shoulder jackets are out.
Now it's narrow waist is in.
Now low rider jeans are in. No, no, no, high waist jeans are in.
Now, skinny jeans are in. Wide-leg jeans are in.
You've got to wear the black strappy sandals. No, you've got to wear the Manolo Blahniks. No, you've got to wear the Jimmy Choo's. No, you've got to...
Then the designers say this, and the stores say that, and this is old-fashioned.
Can you believe she's wearing this?
That's so last season. That's so last year, last decade.

[54:47] The fall season coat, winter season coat, etc. Yeah. You ever notice this?
Do you ever see the giant swats?
Of the economy on the planet that is entirely about saying to women, you can't wear that, you gotta wear this.
That is last year, this is the new thing.
Throw out that shit, buy this shit, don't wear that, wear this.
Have you never noticed this? Have you never ever been around women?
Have you never been to a mall? I don't understand.

[55:23] Oh my God. a skinny jeans so 2022 yeah you need a wide belt no you need a narrow belt wide belts for last year narrow belts you understand it's just don't date guys with an android yeah, I mean have you come on guys you have moms you have sisters you have grandmothers I mean fucking haircuts Jennifer Aniston goes on television suddenly every woman has to have the Rachel right yeah, oh my gosh, somebody says, far more than half.
I try to think of what men are around the mall for and maybe I, maybe one store separate from the degenerate shops, but that's the knife store, knife store, yeah, yeah.
Ripped to shit like you've been dragged by horse jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, the new 2024 Louis Vuitton bag, yeah, absolutely.

[56:23] I mean, it's all just about bonfire shit, right?
Well, you bought all this. You can't wear this now. Throw that to the back of the closet because now you've got to wear this.
And if you wear that, that's ridiculous. Now you wear this.
Big purses are in. No, small purses are in. Small purses with tiny dogs are in. Big purses with medium-sized hippos are in.
Magic purses with unicorns are the shit. Right? I mean, manatees with lipstick. You understand.
When I was a kid, like the 80s makeup, right? Big giant hair and lots of rouge and, right?
I mean, that was the thing. Now big lips are in. Now you've got to get your buckle fat removed so you look like a skull with paper on it.
High-waisted jeans are the worst. Make good-looking women look like pears.
Yes, but there's very few, very few women who can pull off the low-waisted jeans.

The Constantly Changing Fashion Standards for Women

[57:25] That's right, somebody from Vogue, 11 spring 2024 fashion trends that define the season from Vogue.
Among the top 11 takeaways from the spring 2024 trend reports are some studies in contrast.
Trend-resistant black and white tones are...

[57:44] Whereas for men, it's like, okay, does it cover my ass and keep my nipples in? Okay, I'm good.
Does it cover my ass and keep my nipples in so they don't get cold? That's all. That's all.
When was the last time as a man you thought, you looked at a suit, you looked at a pair of pants, you looked at a jacket, you looked at a sweatshirt or a sweater.
When was the last time as a man you looked at this stuff and, oh my God, I can't wear this.
I can't be seen in this.

[58:23] Right? I mean, am I wrong? I've never done that in my life.
In my life, I've never once looked at something and said, oh, this is out of fashion.
What am I wearing right now? A shirt, a sweatshirt, and a workout shirt.
I think most of my clothes are going on a decade or more in age, right?
You can't have that hair. When as a man have you ever said, oh, I can't get my hair cut that way. That's too retro.

[59:04] My cousin Vinny.
No, am I wrong? I'm wearing cargo trousers because they're in fashion.
What would you wear to a first date if you were in your 20s?
I would, uh, listen, we, we may need to go. We need, we may need to do a whole grooming show.
I was thinking about this just the other day. All right. As a guy hit me with a why.
If you use a, uh, a wash design just for your face, do you just use soap or nothing or water or some axle grease cleaner, do your dishes and wash your ass 12 in one in the shower. Hit me with a why.
If you use a specialized face cleaner, something designed for your face.
No? Dudes.
Dudes. I use it. To be fair, my wife introduced me to it and I've never looked back.

[1:00:09] You guys don't do it? Yeah, you need a grooming show. Okay, hit me with a why.
Do you use a specialized face cream?
Maybe, I don't care if you divide it into night and morning.
Do you use a specialized face cream?
Sometimes the day times one have an SPF factor. The night times ones can be a little thicker.
Do you hit yourself with any face creams?

[1:00:34] EWG products only. I don't know what that means. i mean i have to i have to use face creams and first of all if i use soap on my face i just break out and i have to use face creams because my skin is really dry i'm a believer in that skin health comes from diet all right what's a face cream do not search for that on the internet i was inspired by american psycho I go, I make my own face creams from tallow? Really?
You could just drop a wick out of your sinuses and be a candle.
Nice. Nice. Okay. Well, maybe we'll do a skin is about diet. No, it's not.
I mean, it helps, but it's not just, I put olive oil every now and then.
Really? Wow. Get a face full of feta and you're half a salad.
Yeah, all right, well, we'll do that. Look, I mean, so I'm 57 years old.
Okay, let me ask you this. I'm 57 years old. What do you think of my skin?
57 years, do I look 57 years old? Do I look like I'm 57?
I haven't even used shaving cream since I was 17. Just warm water. Oh.

[1:01:56] We are not all Northern Europeans.
You look good for 57. That's actually not true. I look great for 57.

[1:02:08] Vitamin C serum, eye cream, face cream, and finally, a 30 SPF protection lotion.
You also don't drink alcohol. Yeah, that's true. Nope, the wrinkles are the only giveaway. Yeah, and not too many, right? Not too many, not too bad.
Yeah, I mean, when my face is neutral, I don't look particularly different than I did when I was 30.
And it's a good thing. It's a good thing to take care of your skin.
Tallow guy watch out for packs of feral dogs i think in general it's good to watch out for packs of feral dogs although maybe the tallow thing has i've seen 30 year olds that look older than you steph yeah good for your age yeah i don't look 57 early 50s no i look i look better than the early 50s uh i'll i'll do the whole thing i'll do i don't have a big routine or anything i've just i wash my face with a face cleanser and i do a a night cream and I do a day cream. That's it.
Honestly, it's like four minutes a day.

[1:03:05] Could be late 40s, early 50s from guys I work with. Oh, look at this.
Yeah, so, I mean, my skin is really, really good.

[1:03:12] And that's not an accident. I don't take any particular pride in that.
I mean, it's just, it's important. It's important.

Taking Care of Your Skin and Aging Gracefully

[1:03:20] Yeah, there's no reason to go through life looking like crap or ending up looking like crap.
There's no reason for that at all. I mean, go, you know, hydrate and exercise and, you know, get your sun and all of that.
But, yeah, you really, a good diet helps substantially, though.
Well but a good diet doesn't help me with my dry skin right i have a i've always had a problem with dry skin when i was a teenager i went through like i don't know like a year or more of like terrific itchiness until i finally figured out that i just needed lotion like i have to i have to have lotion every day i have to have lotion or my skin is itchy i just have really dry skin it's just the way that it is so because of that i ended up getting into lotions and stuff like that and been really helpful not to mention a lot of guys your age get surgeries and botox yeah i mean Do you see any big under eye bags?
You know, do you see any of that kind of stuff, right? No.
You see any hanging skin here? I mean, especially because I'm losing a bit of weight, but so.
Anyway, so I just, so, but if you look at women and they say, well, the makeup is this and the haircut is that, and this is the look you have to have.
You're slim for your age, which makes you look younger. No, that's not, no, that's not true.
Overweight guys look better sometimes because their skin is thicker and they have fewer wrinkles, right?
Never thought I would spend $50 on face creams. Yeah, it's important.

[1:04:35] Millennials are aging faster than the Gen X or Gen Z. Have you seen that?
Well, my warrior with face creams was having a huge breakout on eczema after using the wrong shaving cream as a teen.
Yeah, that's not good. Eczema is, yes. I mean, you may want to go to a dermatologist or a skin specialist or somebody who's really skilled or knowledgeable, even in the store which sells creams.
They can just give you a tiny little dab. You just try a tiny little dab and see if you have a reaction and all that kind of stuff.
But look good. Look as good as you can.

[1:05:12] Yeah, don't, uh, just, just look as good as you can. Why not?
It's, it's very, it's quite cheap. I don't spend a lot of money on face creams.
It's quite cheap and it's very, very quick, right? It's very, very, very quick.
I mean, and I don't do it like a lot of people on camera have makeup. I don't have makeup.
Uh, I don't use makeup. So, I mean, yeah, most people on camera have makeup.
I don't have any makeup. capsa. All right.
Gut help helps with skin health.
It's so funny, right? Everybody's got their own little corner of stuff that they just want to jam in, right?
It's a little bit annoying. I mean, to me, it's a little bit annoying.
So I'm talking about skin creams and face creams and facial cleanses.
And you're like, but diet. And it's like, we're not talking about diet.
I mean, I mean, I guess you can bring it up. What kind of cream do you use? I can't remember.
It's upstairs. I bought a couple of them some months ago, and I haven't gotten around to finishing them, so I honestly can't remember.
But I will tell you. We'll do a grooming show.

[1:06:23] But yeah, it's just kind of funny. I'm talking about face creams and cleansers.
People, yes, but diet and hydration. It's like, yeah, yeah, but that's not what we're talking about in my creams.
Oh my gosh. That's pretty funny.
So anyway, my point is that women can be a little bit followers when it comes to these kinds of social trends. Everybody knows that, don't they?
Everybody knows that. And so given that women, I mean, nobody can claim to not know that if you've ever been to a mall or, you know, if you've ever seen, everybody's seen fashion magazines, even if it's just at the checkout part of the grocery store or whatever, everybody knows that women have fashions that come and go, right?
Everybody knows that women have fashions that come and go and men don't, right?
Okay, when was the last time? Let me ask you this. Ties have been in for what, a hundred years?
When was the last time it was out to wear a tie for men?

[1:07:23] When was the last time it was unacceptable for a man to wear a tie just out of curiosity?
Remember bell-bottom jeans? Yeah, for sure. Sure. But that wasn't driven by men. That was driven by women.
And bell-bottom jeans was, the Bee Gees popularized the skinny thigh, like for men, skinny thighs.
Last thing I have is skinny thighs. I have very, very, very thick thighs, which I'm pleased about because it's good for hiking.
But so the Ron Wood and the Bee Gees and Freddie Mercury, they popularized the skinny leg.
And so for guys who didn't have skinny legs, bell-bottoms made that look more skinny, right?
I hope this isn't a dumb thing to ask you in regards to grooming, but is there anything regarding hair care you might have suggestions for? No, I'm sorry, I don't.
A libertarian event, bow ties only. The Tucker Factor.
I think it depends on the tie, too thick or thin, otherwise a moderate tie with moderate coloration is always acceptable.
So, no, you can't think of a time where wearing a tie was unacceptable.

Women and the Influence of Social Trends

[1:08:30] This season's theme for women is mob wife. Do you have leopard print, dark lipstick, leather? I'm not joking.
1865. Right. You wear ties for church. So men's fashion barely changes.
Women's fashion changes all the time. So the idea that women are not susceptible to social trends, I have a bit of a hive mind and a herd mind. This is all, come on.
So the fact is that your wife, see, here's the thing, right?
The problem in the marriage, of course, you know, we can get mad at the go bag and blah, blah, blah, blah. Who cares, right?
But the problem in the marriage is the woman is going to all of these mommy forums.
And why is she getting drawn into all these mommy forums?
Because her husband's not listening to her. Now I know it's like, oh, well, there's a problem in the marriage. I'm finding a way to blame the man.
No, I'm just saying that in a marriage, if your wife is doing something you don't like, it's most likely because you haven't been tracking what she's doing.
You haven't been tracking her friends.
You haven't been tracking what she's He's thinking about, oh, you're on these mommy forums. Tell me more.
Oh, the guy should log into the mommy forums.
But gosh sakes, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding about this.
Your wife is on a whole bunch of, she's reading a whole bunch of mommy forums.
It's like, log in, see what's going on.
See what, because this is directly affecting your family, man.

[1:09:50] This is directly affecting your family. What's coming into your family, what's coming into your wife through the web is directly affecting your family.
Maybe they're talking about hitting children. Maybe they're talking about yelling.
Maybe they're talking about privation. Maybe they're talking about sending to bed without supper.
Maybe they're talking about little brats. Maybe they're driving wedges.
Maybe it's a bunch of single moms.
They're driving wedges between women and their husbands. Maybe she's getting really bad advice.
Like, as a man, sorry, this is your job.
Oh, my God.
Somebody says, I've seen those mom forums full of bitter single mothers who gossip about YouTubers. Really?
But I join, right?
You join the forum because that's what your wife is into.
And you don't do it just for guarding the bad influence, but you want to know what your wife finds interesting, right?
If my wife really likes a book, I will read the book. book.

[1:10:49] So it makes a good bit of sense, like women hearing what men are being dicks at work and trying to understand it.
Like what portrayal of marriage and parenting and so on is coming in through these mummy forums?
And why is the wife into the mummy forums? Probably because she doesn't have real world friends. So maybe you can work to help her get her some real world friends.
But you absolutely, if your wife is reading these mummy bloggers to the point where they're convincing convincing her to have a go bag.
You as a husband, you as a partner, you care about her, you want to know what she's into, not from policing, just know what she's into, know what she's reading. Ugh.
It's, uh, I don't...
I don't understand, like, why you wouldn't be interested in what your wife is into.

[1:11:38] I just, I find that very strange. strange. So it's just, just not good, not good husbanding. And of course you shouldn't break up with her.
Of course you shouldn't break up with her.
A woman who's not close to her husband is more easily influenced by other people.
And the same thing is true for men, men who aren't close to their wives are often, um, really influenced by, by others. You're close to each other.
You're just close to each other.
All right. So here's the other side. This, tell me what you think of this.
And as always, as always, uh, tips are kind of low today. I'll be honest with you guys. Tips are kind of low today. So, uh.

[1:12:28] If you could help a brother out, I'd really, I think I'm giving you some useful stuff about how to maintain things in your relationships.
Hopefully that's worth a little bit here and there.
All right, so let's get back to it. This is the other side.
Am I the asshole for not giving my husband my escape money when I saw that we were financially struggling?
I'm a 34-year-old female, recently ran into a situation with my husband, 37-year-old male. I'm curious about it.
Am I the asshole here or not? So me and my husband have been together for eight years, married for seven.
When we got married, my mother came to me privately and talked about setting aside money as a rainy day slash escape fund if the worst came to worst.
My husband has never showed any signs of being dangerous and rarely even gets upset.
But the way my mother talked about it, it seemed like a no-brainer to have. Now, ooh, ooh, right?
Right, what's the error that is happening so far? What is the error that has happened so far?
Imagine a woman discovering a husband who's been listening to a ton of MGTOW forums. You mean visiting or viewing. You can't listen to the forums, can you?

[1:13:39] What has happened already so far?
What is the... Well, why are we already in the realm of mistake?
Yeah, he hasn't evaluated the mom, the mother-in-law. He hasn't evaluated the mother-in-law and whether she's a positive or negative influence on the marriage, right?
Thank you, I appreciate that. Free vibrations, very, very kind.
Error one is browsing Reddit. Well, I don't know.
Yeah, the mom created the option to leave when the times get tough.
Yeah, the mom is planting seeds about the, like, so it's funny. Here's the funny thing.
This is what, I mean, help me understand this. Help me, because if there are women here, I'm sure there are, right?
Help me understand this. So why is it a man who's devoted to you, loves you, publicly declares his eternal love for you, takes care of you, mows the lawn, trims the bushes, whatever it is, shovels the driveway.
A man who's absolutely devoted for you is not to be trusted because you just can't trust him. He could just leave you anytime. You could be left out in the cold.
However, your boss at work is like physics and gravity.
Anyway, it's strange for me. All right.
All right.

[1:14:57] So, all right. So she goes on to say, when me and my husband got together, we agreed I would be a stay-at-home wife.
We were both child-free, so that was never a concern. My husband made a comfortable mid-six-figure salary.
All was good until about two years ago. He was injured at work in a near fatal accident between hospital bills and a lawsuit we lost.
A lawsuit we lost that ate up nearly all of our savings.
I took a part-time job job while my husband was recovering. But when he fully recovered, we transitioned back into me being unemployed as my husband insisted that it was his role to provide.
He currently is working two full-time jobs and Ubers on his off days to keep us afloat. All right. Second mistake.
What is the second mistake that is occurring here?
Second error for those of you who are not husbands yet, maybe for those of you who are husbands, what is the next mistake that has occurred in this situation?

[1:16:05] Yeah, so you can get to a new job as a woman, but then, right, Uber's on his off days. Yeah, isn't that funny? So he has no off days, right?
What is his second mistake?
Did I hear mid six figure salary? I think she means 150. I don't think she meets 500,000.
He's working too much instead of dedicating time to his family.
Needs time for the family.
Is it a family without children? I think it's a marriage.
A guy recently told me he paid for his daughter's education so that she can afford to leave her future husband if he turns bad.
Yeah. Yeah. No, see, you don't keep women in danger by telling them to have an escape route. Sorry, you don't keep women in safety, right?

Women's Escape Route and Lower Stakes in Relationships

[1:17:04] Um telling women that they have an escape route if it doesn't work out just means that they choose less wisely that's all the stakes are lower right, you can't compare bosses and husbands sure i can i just did don't tell me what i can i can't do you can't compare bosses and husbands because at work you get paid for your work and you get work experience that helps you get another job if you get fired with husbands you're working a a full-time job and getting no money for your own savings and no work experience in case your husband gets bored and leaves.
What? With husbands, you're working a full-time job and getting no money for your own savings and no work experience in case your husband gets bored and leaves.

[1:17:47] No. Oh, come on, man. That's not even, that's so far off the mark.
I don't even, and I don't even know what it's like. Come on, man. Come on.
Do you really think that running a household, if you're a woman just home and no kids, that running a household is a full-time job?
How inefficient are you? What are you, clean the floors with a toothbrush?
Do you suck up all the dust bunnies with Princess Leia's cocaine straw?
That's very funny. That's very funny. I mean, you work at home with household and kids.
Okay, so you typed it incorrectly, right?
So you work at home with household and kids. So you are getting paid.
You are getting paid. Absolutely. You are getting paid.

[1:18:40] So, I mean, do you get your own savings? Well, why would you need your own savings?
And do you think men just get bored and leave? Do you think that's what happens?
Do you think men, do you think, in relationships, do people just get bored and leave?
Is that what happens? No.
Because as a partner, it's your job to be interesting.
Have topics, have ideas, have insights, have thoughts, be curious.
Read, learn, share it's your job to be interesting.

[1:19:17] You know saying well the husband might just get bored and leave is saying well if I just do my nails at work and browse the internet and play solid chair I might actually just get fired, no it's your job to be interesting, you've taken a monopoly of conversation with someone so be interesting monopoly is a demand for your energy, time and attention It is not for slacking off.
If you say to someone, you and me, we're going to be together forever, then you can't be boring.
Imagine getting bored after having kids. Oh, it can happen. Just because you're stimulated with kids doesn't mean that you're interested as a person, like foundationally, because kids are only providing one aspect of your needs and experience.
I mean, does what I'm saying make sense? oh did we freeze here oh we're back yeah i hope what i'm saying makes sense like it's your job to be interesting you know like if you marry someone and say um well that's it no no other sexual partners then it's your job to have sex and be good at it for that person like that's your job.

The Expectation of Being a Great Wife and Prenups Debate

[1:20:33] Man gets bored woman doesn't put any effort into being interesting doesn't read anything doesn't learn anything doesn't know anything doesn't have any conversation or anything like that good lord good lord tell me you're kidding thank you matthew i appreciate the donation, in case your husband leaves you need your own savings this is not difficult there is no man who would accept a job where the only payment they get is a roof over their head and food, and if they ever get fired, they couldn't use that job as a work experience in their CV, and they wouldn't have any savings from that job.
Why would your husband leave if you're a great wife?

[1:21:19] I don't understand. Do you think I worry about my wife leaving me?
Do you think that thought has ever crossed my mind? Do you think she ever worries about me leaving her?

[1:21:36] I said to her, actually it was just today, I said I couldn't design a better wife.
If I had a blueprint and a hundred years, I couldn't design a better wife.
There's no upgrade for me and for her too, right? She has a great husband. I have a great wife.
We're very lucky and we work at it, though it's not that much work because it's so much fun, right?
But why would... No, you can't compare a marriage with a job.
I know, I know, I know. I just said, I know I just said, why do women trust bosses more than husbands? But that's why I'm saying you can't compare the two.
A marriage is not a financial arrangement. It's not a business deal. It's not a job.
It's the blending together of two lives for the sake of raising happy and healthy children.
It's about the safety of each other, the productivity of the family unit, and the security of the children.
Because it's a very rare guy who gets their dream woman.
Most men just take some placeholder who cooks and cleans for them, and then they plan on getting lots of money and upgrading to the dream titty blonde they actually want.
Oh, I get it. So you think that your sad, pitiful, cynical worldview is like male nature.

[1:23:04] That's interesting.
So the men are low quality and then they expect to get a high quality wife?
No. Aim for your own high quality and don't accept less and you'll be fine.
Do you think if you met your wife 10 years earlier, she would have wanted to marry you as much as she did when you met?
I think it was good that I met my wife post-therapy for sure.
That's one of the reasons I talk so highly of therapy as a home.

[1:23:36] No marriage is founded on love a marriage is founded on love devotion and it's taking vows very very seriously you don't don't marry someone who thinks of divorce don't marry someone who's like well you know if it doesn't work out i've got a bag in the closet because then it won't work out it won't work out if you're not committed it won't work out if you're not committed committed.
Don't be with people who aren't committed. I mean, don't marry someone.
Because you have these marriage vows. Are we going to be together for better or worse, sickness and health, up and down, in or out of the money?
And that's the most serious vow that you will ever take. It's the most serious promise you will ever take.

[1:24:23] And if you are crossing your fingers when you make that, well, if it doesn't work out, like, no, if If you stay, and if you work at it, it's most likely going to work out.
What are your thoughts on prenups then?
If you feel you need a prenup, it may not be the wrong, it may be the wrong person. And prenups are mostly fake, certainly in America, right, in my view.
Prenups are mostly fake anyway. They just be tossed out. I mean, wasn't there some guys divorcing his, I think she was Asian, some woman and the woman says, well, I never really had time to read it and I just didn't blah, blah, blah. And it's like, okay.

Marriage: No Divorce Option

[1:25:15] No, you say, we're never getting divorced. If divorce is on the table for you, if divorce is an option for you, we're not getting married.
If one's wife routinely carries a gun for self-defense, is that a red flag as well? Depends where she is, I guess. In the bedroom, probably not good.
Yeah, don't you just, I mean, you have that conversation before you get married.
Like divorce is not an option. If we're getting married, we're just, we're till death.
Like divorce is not an option. It's not on the table. Leaving is not an option.
Leaving is not on the table.
And then you have security, right? You have security.
And with all of that comes responsibilities, right? With all of that comes, you got to stay interesting.
You got to stay active. You got to stay healthy. obviously relatively as best you can stuff can happen or whatever right but yeah i mean yeah i'm not going to gain weight i'm not gonna um i don't know use sex as a weapon like just basically right women are pushed to be such high earners you don't need a man they waste their youth grinding a job oh it's yeah it's really sad anyway so let's get on with this uh i'm gonna finish up i'm gonna finish up this story you guys are too interesting tips welcome tips welcome all right so here's where I might be the asshole, says this woman.
I do all of the expense managing and I have a contin... Oh, by the way, by the way, when me and my husband got together, we agreed I would be a stay-at-home wife. Okay?

[1:26:45] There's no such thing as a stay-at-home wife. There's a stay-at-home mom.
But I don't know, if you're not having kids, get to work.
Am I missing something? A man provides for his children and he provides for his wife so she can take care of the children.
I don't understand a stay-at-home wife. Again, maybe I'm.

[1:27:12] Interested. Uh, maybe I'm, I'm not understanding something about the way, maybe it's a younger thing. I don't understand to stay at home.
Wife. I mean, I, I don't, I don't get that.
Hey, if you have kids, you know, maybe you can't have kids or whatever, it's a different matter, but if you're not going to have kids, what's going on?
What's she doing all day? What's happening? It doesn't make any sense.
I'm a stay-at-home wife.
So you're just kind of an exploiter, aren't you? Just taking stuff.
Maybe they have five dogs. I don't care. I don't, it still doesn't matter.
A man provides for his children and he provides for his wife to provide for his children or their children.
I don't understand the stay. I was really, I was like, I had to read that three times.
We agreed I would be a stay-at-home wife. Now child-free, that means that they're leftists and propagandists, right? Not childless. Child free.
So that was never a concern, right? So the guy makes, what, mid-six figures, whether it's 150 or 500,000, whatever, right?

[1:28:19] I took a part- Sorry.

[1:28:25] So he was injured at work in a near-fatal accident. That's not funny, of course, right? Between hospital bills and a lawsuit we lost that ate up nearly all of our savings.
I took a part-time job while my husband was recovering. Now, maybe she was there, she had to be there to help him recover, so whatever, right?
But when he fully recovered, we transitioned back into me being unemployed, as my husband insisted. His role to provide.
He's currently working two full-time jobs and Uber's on his days off to keep us afloat.
Good show. I'll spend the same amount at least on face cream.
Thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you, Jared. it. Oh my gosh. Isn't that crazy?

Secret Savings: Asshole or Preparedness?

[1:29:10] Haven't you heard of Dinks? Dual income, no kids. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
She's preparing her sex skills perhaps. Well, unless she's as bendy as the Kama Sutra, I don't know what that's going on, right? The Oxygen Channel isn't going to watch itself.
Yeah. Isn't that crazy?
So, um, here's where I thought I might be the asshole.
I do all All of the expense managing have continued to put money into my escape account, although I significantly decreased it from $750 a month to just $200 a month.
So she's been storing aside $750 a month.
For years and years and years. And now she's reduced it to $200 a month.

[1:29:54] She says, my husband came home exhausted one night and asked about downsizing because the stress of work was going to kill him.
I told him downsizing would not be an option.
As I had spent years making our house a home and offered to go back to work.
He tried to be nice, but basically told me that me going back to work wouldn't make enough. After an argument, my husband went through our finances to see where we could cut back.
Dun, dun, dun. Now we don't know.
How long? Actually, we can sort of figure it out here. Let me just see here.
He said he was confused when he saw that I had regular recurring withdrawals leading back years and asked me about it.
I broke down and revealed my money to him, which now sits at about $47,000.
Okay, so let's just do a little math here. Divided by what? 750.
Well, let's make it 700 because she dropped it down to 200.

[1:30:45] No, that can't be right. right all right so she must have invested it 47 000 let's say divided by 750 they've been married for 62 years oh no sorry 62 months oh that's retarded i mean sorry she's doing it month not a year 52 divided by 12 so yeah they'd be married sort of five or six years and so she's and again maybe she invested or whatever so five years after i told him all this he just broke down sobbing his point of view is i treated him like a predator and hid money from him for years even when he was at his lowest.
I told him that the money was a precaution I would have taken with any partner and not specific to him.
He left the house to stay with his brother and said I hurt him on every possible level but my mom says this is exactly what the money is for and I should bail now. Am I the asshole?

[1:31:32] That's, that's rough, man.
That's rough. That's rough. of.

[1:31:43] Aphra says, he sounds insecure, strangely. He's reluctant to have her participate in keeping the family afloat.
Also, they should downsize. He's like her dad.
That's a Max Roth IRA, LOL. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I wonder if she's on her second or third marriage at 37. That's so cruel of her.

[1:32:07] 47K won't get you far these days. Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
$750 is a quarter of my monthly earnings. Good Lord, if she had put it into mutual funds or silver or gold or even Bitcoin, they would have a massive nest egg.
She can be a whole coiner. Yeah, yeah. That reminds me. How is it doing?
I must know. Did we break 60?

[1:32:38] Oh, we did briefly. And then it might be down a little. Still, I'm not going to complain. It's up 1,800 bucks in a day. That's good. That's good.
So, yeah. Why? What do you guys think of this? This tale? What do you think of this tale?
I'm going to write your comments.
The problem is the lack of transparency, not the preparation of emergency savings.
Or her mother is Satan. Oh, her mother is Satan. Yeah, yeah.
Well, mothers who give this kind of advice is just terrible.
They're planting seeds.
They're planting, mothers are probably divorced or in unhappy marriages and they're planting seeds.
You know, I can't imagine if my daughter, when she gets married, she says, do I need to keep money aside in case he turns out to be an abuser?
It's like, if you think he might turn out to be an abuser, don't marry him.
I don't have much sympathy for child-free Redditors in their thirties The problem is prioritizing an unreal possibility Over a husband's real suffering, As someone who's only broken 6k in savings a couple of times 47k is a lot to me Well, as far as, like, run money goes, Like, as far as getting out of a relationship money That's good Mother-in-law is evil Well, I mean, if you enable it Can you call it evil?
She's cheating on him via having her mom in the marriage.

[1:33:59] Well, my sympathy for the man is not very high.
My sympathy, and I'm getting colder and hotter as I age, man.
My sympathy for the man is not very high. Why?
Why is my sympathy for the man not very high? Not whether I'm right or wrong, but your guess as to why my sympathy for the man is not high at all.

The dynamics of a financially dependent relationship

[1:34:25] So, she's a stay-at-home wife. He's paying for what? What's he paying for?
A friend of mine went through a bad divorce and her mother-in-law, oh, his wife's mother-in-law, his mother-in-law, wait, a friend of mine went through a bad divorce and her mother-in-law, I think, oh, his wife's mother-in-law, no, his wife's mother? That would be his mother. Okay, stop.
Check your typing, people. A friend of mine went through a bad divorce, Of course, mother-in-law said, I played this game before and I'm better at it than you. You're going to lose everything.
Yeah, well, because he doesn't want to have children, because he didn't do his due diligence. He chose to be with her. He picked her because he was an enabler.
Because he paid for her looks.
He paid for looks.
He chose a woman for her looks, not for her virtues.
Now, nothing wrong with looks. Nothing wrong with looks. But yeah, he basically is, He chose her for looks, and the deal was, I'll pay all your bills, don't leave me.
I'll pay all your bills, don't leave me. I will pay for you, not to raise my children, I'll pay for you to be my partner, or sexual partner, or whatever it is, right?

[1:35:43] Her mother-in-law, the husband's mom. No, because then he would say, my mom.
A stay-at-home wife? No, it's not quite the same as prostitution, because she's running his finances, is and although she's probably doing that so she can hide the money she's pilfering and she's not exactly stealing because you know what's mine is ours and you take care of the finances like it's not like she's an accountant who's pilfering but looks are useless without virtue like ferraris with no engine ah you know that's sorry that's just nonsense looks are useless without virtue have you seen instagram they have high utility looks have massive utility in the world looks looks have massive utility in the world. Now you can say, well, you know, it's better for virtue.
I get all that, but let's not pretend that looks don't have any, looks are useless.
Looks are fantastic. Particularly looks as a substitute for virtue are incredibly valuable and powerful.
I mean, this woman got her bills paid for six years straight.
She's right not to trust him. She's a shitty wife, but he did not earn trust.
Why can't normal hookers also manage finances? Because they tend to have sex and go, right? paid for a housekeeper and escort business manager.

[1:36:57] Yeah. So he chose to pay for his wife.
So he was me plus. I have to be me plus working two jobs. I have to be me plus, right?
Now, why do women feel that they need this runaway money? Why?

[1:37:18] I've been realizing that my looks have been my second most powerful tool after my smooth talking, breaking my addiction to things I did not earn. Yeah, yeah.
So why do women feel the need, some women, why do women, why do these women feel the need for this getaway money?
Tell me, I must know. You know, you know.

[1:37:46] You know, you know, you know, you know, you know Those emotional savings might be crucial to reproduce with a man who's able to have children No, these women tend to be in their mid to late thirties, Why do they feel there is an egg timer on the marriage?
Feminized men are not trustworthy Yeah, because they'll get old, Kairos, coming in with the hot take. You're absolutely right.
It's not a fear that the man is only there for sex.
It's because they're selling their looks and their looks will fade.
So they're on a declining value and their man is on an ascending value because the man is getting more and more money and they're getting older and less attractive.
Yeah, because there's no kids, right? There's no kids.

[1:38:35] A marriage is so a man commits to his children. You know that, right? Right.
Marriage to a virgin is so that a man commits to his own children because he knows they're his own children. Right. It's mommy's baby. It's daddy's maybe.
So marriage is there so that women so that men commit to their own children.
If there are no children, what is he committed to? He looks, sex, physical attraction, and that's going down.
Right. So she needs to scoop up the money because he's going to get sick of her.

The consequences of marrying for looks

[1:39:04] I notice everybody just completely sidestepped my point. Everybody knows I'm right. That's why I just get ridicule and pearl clutching.
You know, you should really come up with your own insults. If you're going to do insults, at least make them creative. Don't, pearl clutching is such a cliche.
And just, you're not making an argument, right? No, I made arguments.
I mean, if you didn't listen to them, that's totally fine. But let's not pretend I didn't make arguments. I made quite a lot of arguments.
So yeah, but you know, if you want to insult people, I'm happy to listen to insults because insults can be really funny I'm happy to but pearl clutching is not even the most remote let me pearl clutching was an old insult 200 years ago, so you're just going to have to work a little bit harder it's more entertaining and engaging and people will be more likely to listen to you if you don't use two century old insults so, yeah so her value is going down so she needs to shore up her value for when he gets sick of her because one day he's going to look up right This is the terrible thing that happens to men who marry for looks.
And again, your wife can be beautiful and virtuous, but a man who marries for looks.
A man who marries for looks. He wakes up one day.
He looks over at his wife. It's an unfortunate ray of sunshine, coming in through a crack in the curtains, and it just lights her up, and he's like, Damn, you old. Damn.

[1:40:34] You old. Now, he's probably old too, but he's old and rich. And he's like, damn.

[1:40:45] I could still have kids. I'm wealthy and I could still have kids.
And you old. I bought you for your beauty and your beauty is gone.
I bought you for your beauty and your beauty is gone. And the man gets that itch.
I mean, think only women get baby rabies. Nope. Man gets that itch.
Could happen. And even if he doesn't want to have kids, he's like, I could actually get a woman who's more beautiful than you in your prime.
I could get a better woman now.
I could get a better woman now. There's nothing keeping us together.
We don't have any kids. kids, so even after the divorce, even after this, that, and the other, right, and you know, they've only been married five years, so he's going to wake up, he's going to look at her, and he's going to be like, oof, man, you don't look so good, and I can, I was, I was able to get you when I could make much less money than I'm making now.

[1:41:57] This is totally why men cheat. They are superficial.
Oh, my God. What is wrong with you guys tonight?
Men are superficial? You know, you're talking to a philosopher and a bunch of people in the philosophy. Men are superficial.
Dear God. Did you sit your ass down on the idiot quack dock of banal stupidity?
Men are superficial.

[1:42:30] Oh my gosh that's so sad you know that this just drives any decent man away from you and i don't know it's kind of funny yeah leonardo dicaprio knows the itch, right well he is uh he's taking revenge out on women right, this is why men cheat they are superficial cheating men oh only cheating men are superficial superficial.
No women are more superficial. How do you know that all men who cheat are superficial?
Is that your thought? Some men do cheat out of incredible isolation, loneliness, and desperation.
Their wife won't touch them, won't talk to them, won't have sex with them, won't give them any companionship, and pushes them away all the time.
You really think that all men who cheat are just is superficial.
You know, I'm just begging you guys, like when you attend philosophy shows like this, when you attend philosophy shows, you have an obligation to philosophy to not say stupid stuff.
Now I do too. And occasionally I do. So, you know, there's not any big, I'm not lashing down on you here, but you kind of do have an obligation to not say stupid stuff and to not make ridiculous generalities.
Like all men are superficial.
No, just all men who cheat is superficial, that is a complete lack of curiosity.

[1:43:52] That is a complete lack of curiosity.
Yes, you said they marry for looks, and when that fades, they leave.
Sorry, is it more superficial to marry for looks or to marry for money?
Which one is more superficial? Marry for looks or marry for money?
Or are you just focusing on the man's superficiality? Because she's, to me, she's like this big leech hanging off his jugular.

Misunderstanding about Men's Superficiality and Cheating

[1:44:21] So he marries her for her looks and he knows that if she has to work she's going to leave him, in my defense you reworded my comment alright what did I reword, what you wrote was this is totally why men cheat they are superficial superficial.
So that sounds to me like all men are superficial and a subset of superficial men cheat.
Because does the they refer to men as a whole or to cheating or to cheaters?
And then I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
And then I said, you're saying only men cheat because they're superficial.
Only men, only the cheating men are superficial. And I read that accurately.
What did I, what did I, they're both.
So I'm happy to be corrected. Suppose it's the same degree of superficiality.
No, but what, no, you accused me of rewording, but maybe I did, but what did I reword?
I mean, I read your comment. How did I reword it?

[1:45:25] I'm happy to hear. How did I guess if I reworded it, that's unfair.
If you're accusing me of rewording it and I didn't, that's bullshit too, right?
So what did I, what did I, what did I get incorrect? What did I change?

The Discussion on Why Men Cheat

[1:45:52] I was actually trying to tell you that you were touching on something important about why men cheat.
No, that's not what I asked. What did I, you said, to be fair, let me just get this.
In my defense, you reworded my comment. Okay, so what did I reword?
What did I reword? I've read your comment. It's ambiguous, the first one, and then you corrected me, or you said this is what you meant, and I gave you the benefit of that doubt.
So what am I, what did I reword?

Accusation of rewording comment, request for evidence

[1:46:28] And if I'm touching on something important about why men cheat and then you say well men cheat because they're superficial how is that any depth, because women protect themselves against men leaving by having savings funds but it's really about choosing a man who isn't superficial okay so are you officially withdrawing your accusation that I reworded your post because you're not answering the question about how I reworded what you said.
I mean, you know, Hey, it's, you know, sometimes we make an accusation that's false and I've certainly done it in calling shows. And what do I do? Cause I'm not 12.
I just say, it's a bit much of you to ask me to remember your rewording at this point, because it's not written down.
Oh, I see. So you're accusing me publicly of rewording your comment, but now you you can't remember what it was. Right.
You could just say, I think I was wrong. You read my, I mean, I wrote an ambiguous tweet. You read it. I corrected it. You accepted the correction.
You could just say, I'm sorry for, I probably was not correct. Right.

[1:47:39] You said something like, totally, men are superficial.
That wasn't reword. That was a comment on, anyway. Okay, so you're not the guy who says, I publicly accused you of rewording my tweet, but you didn't because I can't remember it.
I was certain enough to accuse you. See, here's the thing, man.
If you accuse someone, that's fine. We're all big boys here, right?

[1:48:02] So, if, oh, you're being typical Steph, and it's not constructive.
That's hilarious. Hilarious. That is, it's not appropriate. It's not constructive.
Please don't eat so much soy. Please don't eat so much soy.
So here's the thing. If you're going to say to someone, you did X, and somebody says, can you give me evidence of that? And you say, well, I don't remember.
Well, you remembered enough of the accusation. So if you remembered enough of the accusation, then you owe the person that explanation.
And if you don't remember it anymore, then you have to withdraw the accusation.
I mean, that's, I mean, this is not important. It's just little stupid thing on the internet, but it's just a general principle as a whole.
If you publicly accuse someone of doing something wrong that I reworded your comment, then if you're going to publicly accuse me of something, which is fine.
Again, this is, I get this is not a big deal, but there's a principle involved here that probably plays out in other areas in your life.
And I want you guys to have wonderful and hacky, happy, uh, Lee says typical stuff and is extremely constructive in my opinion. No, this is just a principle.
If I publicly said you shoplifted and then you say, oh, I didn't shoplift. What's your evidence?
And I say, well, I don't really have any, you know, I don't remember it, but it doesn't really matter. Hey, you're not being constructed by asking me for evidence.
Like you understand that's Weasley, right? That's Weasley.
So don't publicly accuse people of something negative if you don't have the evidence.
And if you do that and you don't have the evidence, you say, you know what? I got to withdraw that. That was a bit too fast, right?

[1:49:31] Yeah, it's just a basic principle thing, right?
If I'm going to accuse someone of doing something negative, and again, I get this is a minor thing, but we're talking about a principle here, right? If I'm going to accuse someone of doing something negative, I need to have evidence, right?

[1:49:43] Because I've read his quote and I commented on his quote. Now, me commenting is not me rewording it.

[1:49:48] So, and if he wrote something ambiguous and I interpreted it a certain way, when it could be interpreted, I'm still not rewording it, right?
I just didn't get his intention because he was unclear. clear like if he said the reason that men cheat is that the men who cheat are shallow right that's clear right if he says the reason that men cheat or that men are shallow then it's like well men are shallow and some subset of the shallow men tweet a cheat right so you just have to you know, it's a funny thing you know because people have this bizarre and i've i've since i was a kid i've thought about this.

Importance of apologizing and admitting mistakes

[1:50:25] People have this bizarre thing where you say, you know what?
I jumped the gun there. You didn't reword my tweet. I'm sorry about that. Right? That's fine.
You can do that. And people think somehow that other people will not respect them if they say, oh, sorry, jumped the gun.
Don't remember what it was. I'm going to withdraw that. Sorry.
Right? Hey, no harm, no foul. That's a great thing. Right?
But people have this bizarre thing where if you jump the gun, which we all do from time, I mean, you've heard me in calling shows.
I make an assumption it turns out i'm wrong i'm like oh i'm sorry i gotta withdraw that i say well you did this and he said well if you remember i said i didn't do that oh yeah you're right sorry my bad let's you're absolutely right right what's wrong with just apology like what's wrong with backing down and apologizing isn't that isn't that isn't that a funny thing like what's wrong.

[1:51:13] With just if you make a mistake or you jump the gun or you accuse something something you don't have proof for to just say oh you know what i'm i'm sorry you're right you're right you're right, oh and then she tapped out right she says it's okay have fun guys yeah so she just tapped out she just left rather than apologize and people are speculating they did apologize to be fair, Uh, did she?
You're being typical Steph and it's not constructive. Yeah, that's a female thing.
You said something like, no, what the hell are you talking about?
I mean, sorry if I missed something. Where was the, can you just copy and paste the apology? Here's her apology. But sorry to be confusing. That's not apology.
No, sorry to be confusing is not an apology.
Because we'd already talked about the confusing thing. the sorry was accusing me of rewording her.

[1:52:15] Statement without proof that's what she said i'm sorry i don't have any proof that you reworded my statement i don't even remember what you said sorry to be confusing i mean that was not an issue right so she was a little confusing and that's not yeah she rage quit well i don't know if it's rage or whatever right but no that's that's sorry to be confusing is not uh that's not an apology the apology was for the false accusation that i reworded her statement so, and listen i mean you know it's funny because i i get that this is a it's a tiny little thing on the internet and individually it doesn't matter but this is the kind of stuff that you really need to keep an eye out for particularly like if you're a young single man or single man or single women and you're going out um you're going out with people this little stuff happens you gotta call people on it right away you have to call because these little things you don't let let them slide.
You don't let the little things slide. I don't let them slide with myself.
You don't let them slide with other people. Because let's say I was on a date and this woman said, oh, you just reworded what I said. I would not let that go on a date.
Why? Because I need to know if somebody can take responsibility for her actions and apologize if you jump the gun.
I'm not trying to humiliate her. I didn't call her a bad person.
I just said, you know, this was something you accused me of and public too, without any evidence, right?

Admitting mistakes and apologizing is admirable

[1:53:31] Being wrong is tough, but admitting you're wrong or may have misrepresented yourself isn't bad. In my opinion, it's admirable. Yeah, it is.
It is very, very admirable, right?
So she accused me of something and I said, I don't remember doing that.
Can you give me evidence? Well, you know, it's all water under the bridge.
I don't remember what it was. It's like, okay.
So if you publicly accuse someone of something bad and they ask you for the evidence because they don't, I'm not just going to accept that I did, I reworded in some manipulative way.

[1:53:58] And so i like just in little dates you've got to keep an eye out for these things and part of that is just being sensitive to your own feelings right i don't like the idea that i reworded something that someone said for my own sort of advantage like i just reworded what they said that would be kind of weasley right to try and make some sort of point right so i don't like that i would do that and i'm perfectly willing to accept that i'm capable of doing that right i'm everybody i I wouldn't say everyone.
I am capable of rewording things or rephrasing things for my own advantage, right?
It's not a great habit and I want to be precise, right? I want to be precise.
So if somebody says, but you reworded what I said, it's like, I don't remember that and I'm not going to accept something without proof because I'm an empiricist.
Now, of course, if I had reworded, I'm like, yeah, you know what I kind of did. Sorry about that.
Like that was a bit weaselly of me and there's nothing wrong with that.
We all have these little veerings and wobblings and all that. That's no big deal.
But if somebody does, this is like I'm trying to model this obviously fairly unimportant thing that happens in a chat show, but don't let these things go.

[1:55:13] Don't let these things go. If somebody accuses you of something, and again, this is a minor thing, somebody accuses you of something and you don't feel like you did it, it's like, oh, I don't remember doing that.
Can you tell me what I said? Well, I can't. It's like, okay, so you publicly accused me of something. I asked for proof. You say you don't have proof.
What's the next logical thing to do is to withdraw your accusation and say, sorry, I kind of jumped the gun or I got triggered. I reacted a bit there.
Sorry about that. that, hey, great, you know, we're closer, we're friends, you know, nothing wrong, right?
People find it very annoying when you ignore the content of their arguments and make a personal insult and say it would drive smart people away.
I don't know what that means exactly.
Things like this start to add up and blow up in relationships.
Well, if you can't apologize for anything small, how can you apologize for anything large? It's all a test run, right?
And she also did say, typical Stefan is extremely, Extremely, oh, she said, oh, you're being typical stiff and it's not constructive.
So then she gets insulting, right? So I asked, so she puts me down a little by saying I misrepresented what she said, which is not a put down if it's true and accurate, right?

[1:56:32] So I asked for proof and then I said, well, you don't have any proof.
So what's the next thing to do or something like that? and she's like, you're being typical Steph and it's not constructive, right?
So now there's an attack, right? And then there's a bullshit non-apology, which was nothing to do with what I was saying, and then she's a rage quit.
So, you know, I'm sorry about that because it was a real opportunity for her to apologize and be respected for it.

[1:57:00] To apologize and be respected for it is a very powerful thing.
Because if you're around dysfunctional people and you apologize, they'll put you down for it. If you're around functional people and you apologize, they respect you for it.
So this woman had an opportunity to break the cycle of manipulation and aggression and insults and put downs and rage quitting.
She had to just say, you know what, I did.
So she's treating me as an abuser because if she apologized, I'd be like, hey, you know, we all do it. Nope, no biggie. I respect that and all that, right?

[1:57:31] But I won't be in relationships where I'm treated like an abuser.
Like, I can't possibly admit that I'm wrong to Steph because he'll just scream at me and put me down for it.
Like, I just won't be in relationships where people treat me as abusers.
I've earned better than that because I don't insult people who apologize to me.
I mean, didn't I just do, I did a whole show a couple of months ago with a fellow who had trolled me and insulted me and slandered me.
And I listened and I listened to him for like two hours too and I never abused him and never raised my voice, never called him any names.
I appreciated and I respected his call.
And like, so the idea that, that I'm just going to, you know, Ooh, if you apologize to me, I've got power over you and you know, I'm going to grind you down and you'll never be right. Like I don't do that.
So I won't be in relationships with people who treat me as if I'm abusive when I'm not, but I won't do it like I won't do it.
And so, yeah, let's see here.
This, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad.
Thank you, Steph. Modeling good conflict is always good learning experience.
I and my family, we always had a highly dysfunctional ways of handling conflict.
This is a breath of fresh air.
Yeah. Oh, good. I'm glad. I'm glad it's helpful. And I appreciate the woman for what she did. I think it's a woman, right? Some people saying.

[1:58:49] Ah, sometimes it can bring up past trauma admitting you're wrong.
So I understand how tough it can be.
I've had a visceral gut-wrenching punch after being wrong. It can be tough to apologize.
Yes, of course, I get that. She's had people who've treated her very harshly and they use her apology as having power over her.
Okay, but that's not me. I'm not going to be punished for what bad people have done. Honestly, right? I mean, why?
Right, that's like some guy beats up his girlfriend girlfriend and then the girlfriend comes and punches me like what i didn't do it i'm not that guy and i've i've earned the right to be treated as a non-abuser because i'm not abusive i've absolutely earned that right and if you're not an abusive person i'm sure everyone here is not if you're not an abusive person never let anyone treat you like you're an abuser never if they freak out if they escalate if they do this kind of manipulative uh stuff where they insult you and and lie about you and all of that and again i'm not saying she's a terrible person this is a fairly minor thing, but it's a chance to break a pattern.
If people react to you, like if you get angry and people react to you like you're sparking up a flamethrower to burn their kneecaps off, that's wrong.
Don't let people treat you like you're abusive when you're not.
And I know people here aren't. I'm not.
So, you know, if she calls me out as having done something wrong, I will ask, and I don't remember doing it, I won't just, I'm going to ask for the evidence.
And if she doesn't provide for me the evidence, I look to see if there's an apology. I didn't demand an apology because that's just the logical thing.

[2:00:18] She doesn't provide the apology, then she's treating me as if I'm going to be mean to her if she apologizes and I won't. And I won't.

[2:00:28] So yeah, don't let people treat you like you're abusive.

[2:00:37] All right. I love that show. He seemed to be on the right track. Yeah.
I think you called it the Keynesian economics way of interpersonal relationships once. Oh, did I? I remember that.
But I'm sure with all these shows.
All right. Any last tips for useful and productive modeling of conflict?
And listen, there was a conflict resolution there.
There was a conflict resolution there.
And maybe she'll email me. I doubt it. But maybe she'll email me.

Unjustified Accusations and Building Defensive Justifications

[2:01:03] Because right now she's in the process of justifying how bad I was and how right she was and how dare I and and she I just didn't listen and I manipulated and I was so on because she's in the process of building up her defenses so it's almost for certain that she won't um, that she won't send me uh something saying you know what I I am sorry I publicly accused you when you asked me for evidence I wouldn't provide it that was wrong I should have just withdrawn my accusation and said sorry i jumped the gun or i don't remember or whatever right and can you imagine somebody accuses i mean on a serious level like somebody accused you of some crime and then you ask them for proof and they said that i can't remember how can i remember it's like well you remembered enough to accuse me of the crime and therefore when i ask you for evidence not 10 seconds after you accuse me of the crime and you say i don't remember then that should be doubt to accuse someone of a crime, right?

[2:02:01] So, all right, just going to wait in case anybody's in the process of tipping the big chatty forehead.
We're going to talk Friday, Friday night, Friday night, 7 p.m.
Yeah, thank you, Steph. This is definitely a good reminder of how to maintain myself in these situations.
Yeah, I mean, give people the opportunity to behave better.
I mean, I didn't call her names. you know i was firm but fair i mean i think firm but fair is how i try to approach these things and firm but fair like i'm not going to accept that i did something wrong i'm not going to pretend she didn't type it right i'm i'm here to respond to what you got me it's a live stream it's not a solo show so i'm here to respond to what it is you guys are saying so i'm not going to pretend she didn't publicly accuse me of something and here's the thing too once she published like you guys are donors you're supporters i really really respect and appreciate you guys being here tonight And if she publicly accuses me of something bad and I don't respond to it, You would know that too, right? You would see that.
She publicly accused me of something and I didn't respond to it.
I didn't address it. I just kind of let it slide.
You would see that and notice that. So not just my own self-respect and honesty and desire for, you know, do decent behavior, but because it's also in front of, you know, a audience that supports and cares about what we're doing here.
I can't let a public accusation like that slide, right?

[2:03:22] So I love the way you can show these defenses in real time with absolute clarity thanks steph i appreciate that right keep attacking without base from the jump spending when in debt sorry i don't quite get that one like women who think of a man as an abuser because they're talking to a woman when they look bored of the conversation but require well you know if you've seen this meme it's a pretty funny meme which is, a woman saying if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best, and then at her worst she's setting fire to a guy's apartment screaming who's jenna and he's He's like my sister and then her best.
Well, I tried making spaghetti, but I burnt it. So you get to take me out.
Yeah, I didn't. Yeah. All right. Uh, any last questions, comments, issues, tips.
If you're listening to this later, of course, free slash donate free slash donate all massively and gratefully and deeply appreciated free
You can sign up using the promo code, all caps, UBB 2022. I'd appreciate that.

Sharing links and expressing gratitude to the audience

[2:04:23] Hey, can you give the link for that post about the wife who hid the savings from the husband?
Oh, did I finish that one? Yes, I did. Yes, I can.
Yes, I can. Copy link.

[2:04:39] Wait, is that the right one? Oh, no. That's this one. All right.
Share. Copy link. There we go. Yeah, I will put it right here for you, my friends, because I live to serve.
I live to serve. of denny balls wait let's go to the right one here.

[2:04:58] Her best i made fondue so you melted cheese there you go all right thanks everyone i appreciate your comments chats and chitties tonight thank you so much for dropping by hopefully see you guys friday, and uh love these i love these conversations and i really appreciate everyone including the fine lady who had the issue with me that's great it was very a teachable moment i suppose much love Love to you guys back. Thanks, Emma. I appreciate that.
And we'll talk to you soon. Have yourselves a great, great rest of the night. Take care. Bye.

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