Men Won't Commit to Women in their 30s! Transcript

Talked to a young 30s woman today who said her and her friends would all love to get married and have kids but feel forced to invest in their careers because they fear it won't happen and they'll have to support themselves their whole lives.

All the guys they date are non-committal and want to continue partying instead of "settling down". It's true they can likely select from a different group of men, but I also see the concern to have your own way of making money in the meantime.

Chapters

0:00 - Introduction
3:10 - Women's Relationships and Priorities
8:45 - Men's Frustrations and Expectations
13:34 - Postponing Settling Down for Dreams
15:57 - Achieving Goals vs. Investing in Relationships
20:28 - Men's Perspective on Settling Down
22:56 - Transitioning to Family Life
26:49 - Challenges of Women Integrating into Men's Lives
30:31 - Reflections on Past Choices
31:54 - Understanding Men's Dating Experiences

Long Summary

In this conversation, I delve into a tweet that gained traction about young women feeling pressured to prioritize their careers over starting families due to non-committal men focused on hedonistic lifestyles. We explore the dynamics of relationships, discussing women's dreams and reluctance to settle down, while men struggle with commitment due to their own experiences. We touch on the challenges of finding a balance between personal ambition, relationships, and societal expectations. The speaker reflects on his own experiences with dating women who prioritized their aspirations over building relationships, leading to difficulties in forming lasting commitments.

The conversation delves into the complexities of modern dating and the shifting priorities of both men and women in their 30s. The speaker analyzes the impact of delayed commitments on relationships, highlighting the struggle for trust and vulnerability due to past experiences. He expresses empathy for women navigating societal pressures and acknowledges the inherent challenges faced by both genders in forming meaningful connections. The speaker provides insight into the dynamics of power and attraction in relationships, emphasizing the importance of humility and understanding in fostering genuine connections.

Throughout the conversation, the speaker offers perspectives on the evolution of relationships, the influence of societal norms, and the complexities of navigating dating in a fast-paced world. He encourages open communication, introspection, and a deeper understanding of one another's experiences to foster authentic and lasting relationships. The discussion provides a thought-provoking exploration of modern romance, personal growth, and the intricacies of forging meaningful connections in a changing landscape.

Transcript

[0:00] Introduction

[0:00] Just a sad, sad tweet today from a woman named Rachel. And yeah, it's really, really tragic. She says, former atheist, ex-feminist, not traditional wife, mother, writer, biologist, nature lover, blah, blah, blah. And she went kind of viral today because she said, talked to young 30s woman today who said her and her friends would all love to get married and have kids, but feel forced to invest in their careers because they fear it won't happen and they'll have to support themselves their whole lives. All the guys they date are non-committal and want to continue partying instead of, quote, settling down. It's true they can likely select from a different group of men, but I also see the concern to have your own way of making money in the meantime.

[0:48] And she went on to say, we also talked about why they keep finding these men And it seems to mostly come down to the women thinking, quote, well, they can't possibly want to do this forever, and hoping they'll change and want the family life. And Elon Musk actually replied and said, men are favoring hedonistic sex over children too much. And Rachel replied, it doesn't seem to be just sex, but also freedom, travel, and the party lifestyle. And someone, Jane, said they have been conned. Feminism has ordered the natural order of things. So I think that's referring to the women. and Rachel said it means it sounds to me like they're ready to give it up though. They'd much rather have families. And the woman wrote, I'm almost 31 and I'm still waiting for marriage, if that's God's will. God has blessed me greatly in my work and I do it to his glory by using my gifts and talents. I'm thankful that I'm able to support myself. I'd never go so far as to say it's better, but it's where I am.

[1:45] And a man says, it's hard not to respond with frustration to this as a 30-year-old man who has a job, house, faith, and only dated to marry unsuccessfully. I think men and women are equally guilty of hedonistic lifestyles. Gender blaming slash chicken or egg conversation seems unproductive. And somebody wrote yeah the quote girl boss is not shirking family life or hollow careerism she's taking care of herself because there is a dearth of trustworthy men and, Rachel said yes I think it's a reaction in many ways so.

[2:25] It's very sad it's very very very sad, and of course I don't know directly the answer but I have some thoughts thoughts, as I am wont to do. And my thoughts go something like this. When I was a young man, I was happy. I would have been relatively happy to settle down. I mean, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I waited for my wife, although it really wasn't waiting. What would happen is I would date a woman, it would be fun, and then she would kind of go crazy. I mean, I know this sounds, I'm just going to straight up tell you sort of my experience. And of course, I'm sure they would have their side as well.

[3:10] Women's Relationships and Priorities

[3:10] But, you know, I had a girl say her father was going to threaten me if I didn't pay her phone bill and so on. I had women, girls who...

[3:25] Would just be moody as heck. And I think I was just looking for some general stability and sense of positivity and enthusiasm and helpfulness and helpfulness. And I just found that to be in very, very short supply. There were women who were very cynical. There were women who were very career oriented and felt that they were destined for great things and couldn't possibly settle down until they'd achieved those great things. Although they never really seemed to be working towards those great things. It really was, and this delusion of, I'm going to do great things, you know, I remember one girl who was like, well, I want to be a writer. And I remember joking with her about, there was a postcard from many years ago, which said, oh, so I haven't written much lately, that's okay, neither has Shakespeare. And I remember just thinking, gosh, If you want to be a writer, shouldn't you be just, like, shouldn't you be writing?

[4:28] Or I knew a girl who had dreams of being an actress, but wouldn't actually just go out and act in some amateur local production to see if she liked it, to see if she was any good, to see if the audience liked her. There were just these women with these vague dreams of great things, you know, the inevitable, what do they call it in Seinfeld, the model actress or whatever, the women who wanted to be a model and, you know, was going to get around to it at some point. And, you know, just that kind of stuff. A lot of dreams and not much actual traction. And that was sad stuff. And those dreams meant that she was, or that these women were going to postpone settling down. Some of the dreams were around travel, but travel for what purpose exactly? I think a lot of women's travel now is for social media clout. Look at the photo of me in Thailand, this kind of stuff, so cool. Having a great time, living my best life, eat, pray, love, whatever. But, you know, back then, you couldn't brag about things nearly as much. I mean, I guess you could later, when you sort of get back, but there's just a lot of these, you know, I want to get a master's degree, I want to travel, I want to write books, I want to make movies, I want to be a model, I want to just stuff.

[5:49] Just stuff. when I was directing the first play that I wrote that I produced and directed. I mean, the first real play that I wrote that I produced and directed. I ended up dating one of the women who was a set designer. And she was just so really into her career that she would just go away every weekend to try and find materials to do X, Y, and Z and just could never, never commit. So I couldn't really get a commitment because these women were so full of dreams that I always felt like somehow I was very far down the list of their goals. Just to be perfectly frank. It's like, yeah, they enjoyed spending time with me, and that was great, but there was no particular commitment because there were all of these, you know, the bucket list of whatever they wanted to do or whatever they dreamed of doing, you know, because not many of them actually ended up doing these things. I mean, the woman who was a set designer, I think she did end up becoming a set designer, But she never married or had kids.

[7:05] So I just felt that it was kind of impossible to get any kind of commitment. You know, if they wanted to get a graduate degree, and that graduate degree happened to be in Vancouver, right? Like I lived in Toronto and Montreal. And that happened, they just, it happened to live, the school happened to be in Vancouver. Well, they just go to Vancouver. And if they wanted to travel and, you know, if I had a job or I didn't have the money to travel and they wanted to travel, they'd just go travel. And so I never, I never felt particularly a high priority.

[7:44] And I was very willing to make these women a high priority and to move or look towards that stuff. But it just never really seemed that the women wanted to commit or place me as a high priority or even our relationship as a whole as a high priority. Now, of course, that's, I wouldn't say that I was embittered, but I would say I accepted that reality. I mean, I think I was frustrated at times that it was really hard to get any kind of purchase in a woman's heart. It was kind of like grabbing a giant chunk of ice and trying to scratch your way in. You know, like you just couldn't get any purchase. You couldn't get any weight. And I felt, I suppose, to some degree disposable. I was fine. I was good looking. We had a good time and so on. But I don't think that a woman fell in love with me until the woman who became my wife.

[8:45] Men's Frustrations and Expectations

[8:46] I mean, I think they were very passionate about me and I think that there was a lot of that connection was definitely kind of off and on there but in terms of actually falling in love and making the other person your very highest priority and the family, it just didn't happen. It just didn't happen. Now, the elusiveness of the modern young woman's heart is really quite something to behold. It's really quite a powerful thing to see.

[9:12] And there is a certain amount of vanity in it. There's a certain amount of a feeling of immortality in it. And I think it's kind of hard. So let's say 18 to 33 is like 15 years, right? So let's say the woman is in her early 30s and she wants to settle down with a man her own age. And I'm going to generalize here, so I'm sure you'll forgive me where the ragged edges meet reality. She's 33.

[9:40] And let's say, I mean, maybe the boy's been dating since he was 16, but let's just sort of say 18 to 33. So the man has had 15 years of playing second, third, and fourth fiddle to the woman's transitory whims. I want to do this. I want to do that. I want to travel. I want to go to school. I want to write a book. I want to like all of these things. And a lot of of them don't really materialize but you're just low priority you're just low priority because women of course have been really infected but the idea that to need a man is to lose your identity oh boy the things i heard about that you know i just you know i was in this relationship and i was i was serving my husband and i was serving my children and i just i emptied out i just i didn't know who I was anymore, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, it's all this Kramer versus Kramer stuff that really infects the world that somehow being of service to another is to lose your identity. And that identity is not to be found in relationships. Identity is to be found in solitude and ambition.

[10:52] And so you've got to have your own ambitions and anybody who asks you to sublimate your ambitions to husband, to family, to the future, to the culture, is just erasing you and putting the patriarchal boot on your pretty little neck. So it really is just elevating a kind of isolated solipsistic selfishness to the very highest goal of enlightened femininity.

[11:25] And it is, not that everyone who accepts this is a sociopath, but it strikes me as somewhat sociopathic an idea that if you serve yourself, it has to be at the expense of others. And there's no service to others that doesn't erase yourself. So it's win-lose. Either you serve yourself and sacrifice to others, or you serve others and sacrifice yourself. The idea of becoming more who you are through the service of others is incomprehensible, that your identity can be found in the service of others is kind of incomprehensible.

[12:00] The I want, I want, I want, I want stuff. And it's the belief, of course, that getting what you want will make you happy. But getting what you want is transitory happiness. Getting what you want is transitory happiness. So when you're striving to get what you want, like let's say for years you want to go to Thailand, right? And so you save up your money and for years you sort of plan a new trip, you save up, and then you go and you spend two weeks in Thailand. And let's say you have a great time. Well, you've had two years of wanting something for, or maybe 10 years, I don't know, let's say two years of wanting something for two weeks of getting it. And then when you get back, you're kind of depressed. So your happiness is depressed because you're planning to get to Thailand and saving money and deferring gratification. You get to Thailand, and let's say it is everything you want, but the more you enjoy Thailand the more regret you have on coming back from Thailand like it's a magical place the food is wonderful the people are friendly the weather is perfect the sights are glorious and you love not working and then you get back and you got to get up at 6 o'clock in the morning to start doing your hair and makeup to go back to your office job, it's a terrible, terrible.

[13:16] Approach to happiness because you defer a lot of happiness for two weeks of great happiness that then poisons your happiness afterwards. But if you put your happiness into relationships, relationships are continuous. I mean, a relationship isn't some place you visit for two weeks every two years.

[13:34] Postponing Settling Down for Dreams

[13:35] It's not Thailand, right? It is a perpetual state of interaction and elevation and good humor, good wisdom and joy and fun. So if you invest in relationships, You invest in a continuous happiness.

[13:52] And if you invest in experiences, you lower your happiness, you elevate it greatly, and then you poison it afterwards. And then you, it's an addiction, right? So then what you do is you start saying, okay, well, I will start planning for my next trip. I've got to get back to Thailand, right? Maybe I'll go to Vietnam this time and whatever it is, right? So then you have another goal. But you see, goals rob you of happiness in the moment. That's nothing wrong with having goals. Nothing wrong with having goals. you've got to have goals, right? But just understand that goals depress your happiness because you say my happiness is to some degree contingent upon getting the goal. And then when you get the goal, your happiness goes lower and then you have to set another goal. And goals are happiness deferred, happiness achieved, and happiness cratered afterwards. I want to get my PhD. And you work for years and years and years to get your PhD. and then you defend your PhD and then there's real euphoria. I mean, I remember they were having a tough time giving me my grade for my master's thesis on the history of philosophy because it was very much cross-disciplinary, right? Some philosophy, some economics, some history. So I was waiting all summer. All my friends in the program had already graduated and I finally got the call, I think, very late in the year saying I'd gotten an A and I was euphoric. I was very, very happy about that. And then after that happiness, as is kind of inevitable, you have the crash.

[15:22] And then you're like, okay, so I now have the masters. Now what? Now what? And then the idea is then you just race along to another goal. And that goal is then often defined by external people. So you end up being, right, well, you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking, racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older, shorter of breath, and one day closer to death. Right lyrics.

[15:49] These women had these goals and they were kind of restless and couldn't settle down and couldn't enjoy things and were constantly waiting for the goal to be achieved.

[15:57] Achieving Goals vs. Investing in Relationships

[15:58] And then, you know, occasionally they would achieve these goals. They'd be very happy and fulfilled. It's everything I wanted. And then they'd be kind of depressed afterwards. And because the women weren't investing in relationships, which is continuous happiness, but rather achievement goals and success, which is transitory and often vampiric or parasitic happiness in that it steals from from the lead up to the goal, and it also steals afterwards from the achievement of the goal. This can kind of happen with women who focus on the marriage rather than the fiance, right? So women who focus on the marriage spend a year or two waiting for the big day. The big day comes, they have a blast, and afterwards they're really depressed, which is one of the reasons why, you know, one proxy of how important the wedding day is rather than the marriage is to the woman is how much is spent on the wedding, which is why dose-dependent, the more a woman spends on her wedding.

[16:51] The more she's likely to get divorced. So what happens is the women defer, defer, defer, and the men are just like, okay, well, 15 years, right? A man from 18 to 33, right? 15 years. years, he is carving back his whole pair bonding mechanism. He's carving it back. He's shaving it back. He's pulling it back. Okay, well, I guess I'll play second, third, and fourth fiddle to her goals and dreams and desires and careers and travel and likes and Instagram and whatever, right? I'll just be kind of down there, low on the list. And I can't ever ask her to commit to me. I can't ever ask her to commit to a relationship because she'll view that as claustrophobic and needy and she'll pull back and give me some space and you know i have to live my life and i have to manifest my happiness and identity through transitory joy craters and so he pulls back from the pair bonding wouldn't you doesn't mean if you're a guy i'm pretty sure you've gone through something like this so you pull back from the pair bonding.

[17:57] And you adjust your calibration to just having fun you don't pair upon to just have now then Then, of course, what happens is the women in their early 30s often pull a 180 and say, now I want commitment. Now I want commitment. Now, instead of saying, I'm going to get commitment by putting you first, they say, I want commitment from you by you putting me first.

[18:22] Are very sad and it's not going to work because by the time a man's in his you know certainly late 20s early 30s you know if you're going to be successful or not like you know no you know you know by by my early 30s i was chief technical officer i had written like five novels produced plays i'd been a successful amateur actor and all of that so i i knew i mean my success was was certain. And so when the man's success is certain, he becomes the pretty 22-year-old girl. He becomes the very pretty, very slender, very attractive 22-year-old girl. Because at 22, the woman's sort of peak attractiveness and peak fertility. In his early 30s, he's at peak attractiveness because his success is no longer a dice roll. So it's kind of like Like a woman who's attracted to a man after he's already won the lottery, well, it's not really going to work because if he's won the lottery, odds are there's going to be a whole bunch of women who are attracted to him. So why would he settle there? So when he was striving and when he was working and trying to build his life, build his career, sacrificing, traveling, I mean, the amount of work that I put in in the business world to build my career was eye-meltingly staggering. Like, honestly, 80 hours a week, sometimes even more because I had a lot to learn. And there was just work that had to be done.

[19:47] So he's built all of that on his own. Now he's finally achieved success. And instead of women dodging any kind of commitment to him and putting him lower and lower on the totem pole, what the women do is now they kind of say, I'm ready to settle down.

[20:07] And they then choose the man who's already proven his success. But a man who's already proven his success wants to share it with the woman who believed in him before he succeeded. Does that make sense? A man who's already proven his success wants to share it with a woman who has already believed in him and helped him to make it.

[20:28] Men's Perspective on Settling Down

[20:28] So now the man's in his early 30s and he's got some money and so on. And he's looking for a younger woman. which is why, you know, early, late 20s, early 20s, early 30s, mid 20s tends to sort of pair up. He's looking for a younger woman. But of course, when the man aims himself for a younger woman, then she's back in the hedonic treadmill of jumping from joy crater to joy crater, going deeper and deeper each time. So he can't settle down either, but it's fun for him. It's fun for him because having struggled like crazy for 10 or 15 years to build his career and make some money, he doesn't want to immediately hand it over to a woman who is just kind of blankly looking at him and saying, no, no, I'm ready for you to commit now. Like I want, I want a family. I'm ready for you to commit to me now. I'm ready for you to sacrifice yourself, Amina. To which he's saying, ew, no, I just spent 15 years closing off my heart and playing second, third and fourth fiddle to the hedonic treadmill of women.

[21:30] I don't want to. Now, maybe if there There was some vulnerability, some, you know, gee, I'm really sorry. I was kind of selfish or, you know, but there isn't. There's just this, no, no, no. I'm ready to settle down now. So when I wasn't ready to settle down, it was incomprehensible to women that men wanted to settle down.

[21:49] But when women do want to settle down in the early 30s, it's now incomprehensible to women that men don't want to, the successful men, the men that they want. And they didn't want to settle down because they had all of the options of a young, attractive female. Now, he doesn't want to settle down because he has all the options of a youngish, successful man. You know, he's got some money, he's got some status, he's still, for most men, youngish-looking and good-looking and so on.

[22:25] So, she didn't want to settle down when she had all the options. And now he doesn't want to settle down because he has all the options. She didn't want to settle down because she could date whoever she wanted in her early 20s, mid 20s. Now he doesn't want to settle down because he can date whoever he wants in his early to mid 30s. She was the prize and she didn't want to surrender that prize in her early to mid 20s. Now he is the prize and he doesn't want to surrender that prize in his early to mid 30s. And of course he does have time, which she does not.

[22:56] Transitioning to Family Life

[22:57] And then of course you're going to try and merge right this is the challenging thing so a woman in her early 30s if she wants a successful man then she's going to have to bring intelligence and and all of that stuff to the table good conversational skills well educated and so on because he's going to want to have someone he can talk to so what's happened is from 18 to say 33 she's now had 15 years, she's built a life on her own, right?

[23:24] Now, because she spent 15 years building a life on her own, she has her education, she has her career, she has her lifestyle, she has this, that, and the other. Now, his life is going to continue. He's not going to stay home with the kids, so he can't breastfeed and so on, right? So she is going to have to go through a huge, wrenching transition if she's going to stay home with the kids and she's going to have to give up her career in X, Y, Z business industry or field that she is trained in and has experience in. So she's going to have to give up a lot and she's going to have to trust a man, really going to have to trust a man, right? To say, give up your career. Let's say you want three kids, start at 33, you end in your late thirties, even that can get kind of dicey, but let's say he wants her three kids. So she's going to have to stay home, you know, seven to ten years.

[24:17] So, she is going to have to really trust him to provide, to not leave her, to, right, not cheat as she's, you know, pregnancy is tougher for women in their 30s and, you know, they emerge sometimes looking kind of rough. But she is going to have to really trust him when she's getting repeatedly pregnant, and less attractive in her 30s. She's really going to have to trust him to stick with her. Now, the problem is that the man knows that by the time the woman's in her early 30s, right, 15 years, let's say she's had relationships of two years with a little bit of break here and there. So she's had seven boyfriends where it hasn't worked out.

[24:57] Five to seven boyfriends. That's assuming that she didn't do the one-night-stand thing. This is gross. So she's had five to seven boyfriends where it hasn't worked out, which means that the relationship wasn't a high enough priority. Each other weren't a high enough priority. The pair bonding didn't stick. So she's gone through seven significant relationships, five to seven significant relationships, and she's scarred. She's scarred. She's nervous. She's got almost BDSD, post-dating traumatic syndrome, or PBSD, post-boyfriend traumatic syndrome.

[25:33] So she is going to require giving up a lot more because she's got a career, really relying on a man when she's had five to seven boyfriends. Either she's betrayed them, they've betrayed her, there's been a bad breakup, someone's moved away, there's been indifference, there's been hope, there's been crush, there's been in pair bonding that's been ripped apart. And she's kind of a walking wounded. You know, the phrase that women sometimes have, which is a pretty chilling phrase. She's damaged goods.

[26:00] She's damaged goods. Or let's say she's had fewer boyfriends. Let's say she had two boyfriends of two years apiece. So of the 15 years, she's only been dating for four of those years, which means she has 11 years experience as an adult, not compromising or working with a man, not negotiating back and forth not figuring out win-win scenarios she just has been doing her own thing and how easy is it going to be for her to integrate into a man's life if she's had more than a decade as an adult of never having to compromise with anyone and she's fine with that she likes not having to compromise with anyone and now she's going to have to sublimate her will and identity and preference to the family to the man to the children going to have to give up her career, which I assume she cares about.

[26:49] Challenges of Women Integrating into Men's Lives

[26:49] She's going to have to trust a man after either being completely alone and not having to trust a man or having a man repeatedly break her heart or she breaks his heart. Just not a good deal.

[26:58] And I sympathize with women about this because, you know, they're in such high demand when they're young that it's impossible for them, almost impossible for them to imagine what they look like to men in their early thirties. The men that they want, right? The successful men who have a lot of options. If you have a lot of options as a man, you absolutely don't want a woman who is mistrustful or is so used to doing things her own way that she has no habits of compromise. You don't want damaged goods and you don't want the vanity of, well, I'm ready to settle down now, so nap, snap. That's narcissistic in the extreme, and horrible, horribly unappealing.

[27:49] Man, it's hard, you know, when you're born with the kind of sexual market value riches that young women are born with. And, you know, you don't look wildly different usually in your early 30s than you do in your mid 20s. But for men, it's like, okay, well, I can have fun because I'm now in super high demand, right? You didn't settle when you were in high demand. Why would I settle when I'm in high demand? Like I finally won the lottery, so to speak, and I've become a successful young, youngish, attractive male. I have all the options in the known universe. I have women sliding into my DMs 20 times a day. Why on earth would I settle down? Or, or if I am going to settle down, why would I settle down with you? Right? That's sort of the big question, right? And the man, of course, he himself is scarred and cynical because he tried to get an attractive, woman to settle down with him when she was in high demand and, you know, gripping that bar of soap, you either let it go and it falls or you grip it too tight and it squirts out of your hand like you just can't get that commitment so he's scarred and frustrated by trying to get a woman to settle down and now he's finally in demand and women are chasing him why on earth would he settle down, why now of course then what happens is the women some women that sort of pile on the guy and say well it's you know you just want young women because you want to control them and you just want to at least half pedophilia and you know you just you don't want someone who's not experienced and it's not wise and not mature. And it's like, well, or, you know, more innocent and less jaded.

[29:18] And so when the man comes into his sexual market value prime in his early 30s, could be late 20s, but usually it's early 30s, he comes into his prime, he's got some money, he's got some success, he's still got his looks.

[29:31] And he's now in the same demand in his early 30s that the woman was in her early to mid 20s. And he's got this sea of women who want to date him and some of whom are still playing hard to get. It's kind of hard to play hard to get if nobody wants to get you. I mean, it looks kind of ridiculous, right? I mean, you see this sometimes on these dating apps, not that I'm on any dating apps, of course, but I see these profiles posted on social media. And I was like, I have three kids and I need a real man to step up and help me take care of these kids. and if that's not you, just swipe left and be gone, you know, this kind of thing, like this sort of arrogant, you, I'm too much woman for you, and you better step up and handle it. It's like, you've got three kids, like who wants to take that on? This sort of arrogance of pretending that if you're haughty, you have value, and if you're dismissive, men will clamor after you. I mean, it's really sad. It's really sad. And I sympathize with the women. I really do.

[30:31] Reflections on Past Choices

[30:31] It's tough to think that far ahead, especially when you're being told all of these lies about how the course of your life is going to be.

[30:40] And if you have broken men's hearts in a way for 15 years by not settling down, then when you do want to settle down, I think you owe some contrition and apology. Like, yeah, you know, I was really dismissive of men. I wouldn't settle down. I wanted to chase my own bliss. I wanted to do the eat, pray, love thing. I wanted to be the career girl, boss girl thing. And, you know, men wanted to settle down with me, but I kept wanting to fulfill my own preferences, which turned out to be more and more hollow as time went forward and just really bad.

[31:13] I'm really sorry for all that I did. I'm really sorry for all that I did. I'm really sorry for being that shallow and greedy. Now, that might be something that would be really interesting for a man to hear, as opposed to, well, I'm ready to settle down now And these men just, they just won't grow up and give me what I want. It's like, sorry, that's just really not appealing. It's not appealing.

[31:35] You know, power corrupts, which is why sexual market value power was only supposed to last for a year or two from, you know, when you reached adulthood to getting married and having kids, your sexual market value stuff is only supposed to last a year or two. And we're trying to search it out sort of 15, 20 years really burns people out and messes things up considerably.

[31:54] Understanding Men's Dating Experiences

[31:54] Considerably but yeah so if you're a woman in your early 30s and you want a guy you need to just with great humility ask him what his experience like was like as a young man when he dated i i can guarantee you he's going to be like yeah you know i really wanted these women and i wanted these girls but they were very flighty and wouldn't settle down and kind of aggressive and and couldn't pair bond and just always racing off to the next pile of dopamine and and all of that and you know just keep inquiring how that was for him and how frustrating that must have been for him and how hurtful it must have been for him. I think that's going to be something quite interesting as opposed to just airily dismissing, well, these, these boys, they just don't want to settle down and they're just immature. And like, that's just for a man, like, honestly, if you don't show curiosity about our motives, we can see the nagging coming over the horizon, like this estrogen tsunami, that's just going to wash away everything we are. So that's my particular advice. I hope it helps. And I'd love to know what you guys think. Freedomain.com slash donate to help out the show. I'd really appreciate it. Talk to you soon. Bye.

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