[0:00] Good morning, good morning, 4th of February, 2024.
And let's get to it. Thank you everybody so much for the questions you've given me on Locals.
It's great. I'm basically starting off the day with a walk and a chat.
A walk and a chat. Let me ask you this. I was thinking about this the other day.
I don't have this now, but I was thinking about this the other day.
You ever have neighbors with the Appy dogs? dogs.
I like dogs. I really do like dogs.
But my gosh, there's not a lot rolling around in those heads.
Here's the same person I've seen before.
And to me, it's always startling because I'm always in my head, right? And kind of half on another planet thinking about about things.
Oh my gosh. All right.
It is not particularly. Tip to slip a nip. There you go. Tip to slip a nip.
[1:05] You had a neighbor with a rooster. Have you seen those videos of the roosters half dying?
It just goes on and on and they sort of fade out like Louis Armstrong on a long trumpet blow then.
I want five nipples. Now your job is to find three more for me.
You're assuming I don't have any extras, but I appreciate that.
I'd rather have a rooster than a yappy dog. Yeah.
No, man, I lived in a place. I'd just go out. I lived in a house with a bunch of other people and it had a little backyard and I'd go out and sort of catch some sun and oh my God, three, there were three dogs in there and the house next door and they They were always in the backyard, and they were always yappy.
And, yeah, it's not great. Trying to listen to some music.
There's movement. A bird fly overhead. Anyway, all right.
Let's get to your questions. Hey, Steph, what are your thoughts on the concept of a, quote, mistake?
And how is this sometimes used as a get-out-of-jail-free card for causing harm to others?
How do we hold people accountable while also making allowances for human fallibility and, quote, mistakes? mistakes.
The quote to err is human to forgive divine is quite commonly referenced in relation to this and suggests that mistakes are part of human nature.
[2:24] Right. Right, right, right. Great question.
Oh, you guys are so good. Were they pit bulls? No, they were small yappy dogs.
[2:37] So, let me, let me, I mean, I think everyone's wrestled this.
Hey, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. Isn't that the big, isn't that the big phrase?
If I upset you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to.
Halo, innocence, dewy eyed, batting eyes, whatever, right? False eyelashes occasionally.
Thank you, my friend, for the tip and the compliment.
That is, I will, I will strive to, to reach to those lofty heights.
So, have you ever had someone in your life, they do something that annoys you, upsets you, and they're like, oh my gosh, I didn't mean to.
I'm sorry if you were upset, I had no idea.
It was just a mistake. I mean, I did, you know, I did, right? You ever have this go on?
Maybe with a why, I certainly have. In fact, I'm going to give you a whole bunch of whys here.
Philosophy, endless whys.
[3:36] Yes, I think we've all Oh man, it's so tempting to say I didn't mean it to someone I didn't mean to sometimes Yeah, yeah, for sure It is very tempting It is very tempting It's the responsibility dodge, right?
I didn't mean to hit your balls with this rake Alright, fine For another tip Okay, no Just getting down to hit my balls with the rake Like, I just, you know, I just, I can't do that.
I just, I would just, I can't stand watching a rake lose.
Like, it just would not, even if it was titanium, maybe a kryptonite.
Okay, so, I didn't mean to.
What does I didn't mean to? Somebody says something that hurts you.
I didn't mean to. What does it usually mean?
Not always, not always. Well, what does it usually mean if someone says, if I upset you, I didn't mean to, blah, blah, blah. What are they usually telling you?
What is the usual causality of that conjecture?
[4:52] I've decided not to be. Frightened at the sound of silence. Hello, darkness, my old friend.
I didn't think you'd actually stand up for yourself. Eh, a little bit.
I wasn't concerned about you.
They meant it? No. Stop how you're feeling now? Eh, a little bit.
[5:16] So, when people say, I'm sorry if you were upset. I didn't mean to.
It was my fault. I never, I had no intention to blah, blah, blah.
So what they're actually saying 99.9% of the time is you're crazy.
I guess I'll have to appease you.
You're crazy. But I guess for the sake of peace, I'll have to appease you.
I mean, nothing I said was upsetting. The fact that you're upset is because you're crazy. You're hypersensitive.
You can't take a joke. you're neurotic, you're anxious, you're reactive, you're irrational, you're volatile.
Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm sorry. Right?
Yeah, that is it, right? You're crazy. But I guess I have to appease you.
[6:10] I didn't mean to, I had no intention to. What they're saying is, there's nothing upsetting in what I said, therefore you're upset is because you're crazy. You're upset because you're crazy.
You're hysterical, you're hyper, you're reactive, you're volatile, you're defensive, you're...
But what if you are genuinely apologizing for losing your cool or behaving badly or putting your foot in your mouth? Isn't that a normal occurrence?
Dave, Dave, Dave, love you to death. Beth, you're reacting here irrationally. Sorry.
[6:55] Right. Sorry. Like it always amazes me. People, Dave, you're fantastic at these conversations and I love you to death, but you make no sense here whatsoever.
And it's always amazing.
It's always amazing to me when people are fantastically good at listening until they get triggered and then they don't listen at all.
So Dave, we're talking about people who say, I had no intention.
I didn't mean to, uh, um, it was just an accident, right?
We're not talking about people who are genuinely saying, I'm sorry that I overreacted.
I'm sorry that I did something, I said something mean.
We're not talking about people, right? Because you're bringing up an instance here, right?
You say, but what if you're genuinely apologizing for losing your cool or behaving badly or putting your foot in your mouth?
Isn't that a normal occurrence, right? So I've created a category of people who are minimizing or eliminating any wrong they did and putting all the reaction on you.
And then you say, but what if you don't do that? It's like, that's a different different conversation.
My God, that's not the same thing.
[7:53] You know, what if you deliberately punch someone? Yeah, but what if you just have an epileptic attack by accident, first time ever, and you just laugh?
We're not talking about that.
We're not talking about that. We can get there, but you're clouding up.
You're clouding it up, and probably because you've used this excuse, or you've had it used on you, and you haven't processed it. All right.
Do you do think intent matters in law, like, for example, the difference between murder and manslaughter.
You do think?
Do you mean, do you think? Because you've got a statement followed by a question mark, which is a little confusing for the old ostrich egg here, sorry.
[8:33] So, most times, people respond, this is why it's very tough in the world, right? It's very tough in the world.
[8:47] Whenever i don't want to get too absolutist here, almost every time i'll just talk about my experience you can tell me if it occurs with yours almost every time i was the word responsibility, was mentioned to me or told to me or i was talked to about responsibility as a child What did it include?
What was the context as a child for me whenever I was told or talked to about responsibility?
What was always going on every single time that I can remember.
I mean, I'm sure there were scraps and bits.
When you're a kid and people talk to you about responsibility, your responsibility, yeah, no, I get that. They were talking to me about my responsibility.
So what was the context of being talked to about responsibility as a kid?
Responsibility was shut up and obey authority.
[9:57] Who's responsible for this? What does that mean? What follows?
Who's responsible for this?
Who did this?
What follows from that?
[10:15] We all know, right? You've got to learn to be responsible.
You're responsible for yourself. Who's responsible for this? Who did this?
I need you to fess up. Who did this? Who's responsible for this?
Yeah, blame. Yeah, for me, it was I had done something wrong or screwed up, ownership of one's actions.
Yeah, so you understand that as kids, we're elected to about responsibility prior to being punished and usually irrationality. Yeah, responsibility equals punishment.
That's the wiring that's in people's heads. Responsibility is you're about to get fucked.
I mean, yeah, tell me if I'm wrong maybe you had wonderful lectures about the joys of self-ownership and personal responsibilities I'm going to back out a little, I know some people put me on the 4K screens why did you do that?
Hey, you're responsible for doing your homework, you're responsible for pushing that kid, you did this you did that, right, people try try to pin responsibility on you so they can punish you.
[11:28] Who wrote on the wall? Who's responsible?
Responsibility equals punishment. Again, there could be exceptions.
I can't think of any. People lecture to me about the joys of self-ownership, but it's like, who did this? Who can I punish? Who can I punish?
Responsibility must be pinned on people so I can hurt them.
Responsibility is pain. Responsibility is humiliation. Responsibility is punishment.
Responsibility is extra work.
[12:03] It's 100%, right?
Oh, I missed a little bit of shaving here, a little bit of Santa dust on my chin.
So, when you say you did something that upset me, you're giving people responsibility for causing someone else upset.
So, they don't hear anything to do with responsibility.
They don't hear anything to do with your hurt. all they hear is if I take responsibility I'm going to get hurt if I take responsibility I'm going to get punished, yeah and if no one says anything you all get punished yeah that's right everyone stays everyone stays collective punishment absolutely great yep absolutely great collective punishment totally rational totally rational, one short guy robbed a guy so all short guys go to jail it's collectivist right.
[13:04] Tell me an example and i'm certainly happy to hear them i can't think of any tell me an example, well i suppose in a sense response like you if you did well in the test you got a passing grade but nobody talked to you about response you're responsible for that passing grade good for you like it's responsibility always means punishment right so if you do something that upsets someone else you got if you take responsibility you're going to get punished so people aren't processing anything other than, well, I have to defuse, I have to take the bullet out of the gun pointed at my head.
I have to defuse the attack. I have to find some way to turn the attack.
[13:58] When you say, you hurt me, people hear, you're responsible for causing me upset, therefore I am now going to punish you.
[14:08] And of course, in many, well, in most dysfunctional families, for sure, punishment is eternal.
Because it goes into character definition, right?
You make, you know, a couple of jokes that aren't great.
And suddenly, oh, he's always making these crazy jokes, he's always making these offensive jokes, he thinks he's so funny, but he's not.
It then becomes, you're just labeled there forever, right?
So you can't afford to take responsibility, because taking responsibility will mean that you get, endless cliches, forever and ever, amen, and you'll never be able to dig your way out of that hole. it's not a now thing it's an all thing it's a forever thing the stakes are ridiculously high, somebody says I was irresponsible quote irresponsible for not managing my extremely complex health issues at 10 years old yeah.
[15:20] Boy people are uncomfortable with this conversation now we're talking about vaccines that's alright right? Listen, we've all had the temptation.
It's the easy out. But it doesn't come necessarily because we're callous and cold.
It comes because the stakes are ridiculously high, right?
[15:44] Responsibility equals pain, punishment, humiliation, exclusion, ostracism, extra work, detention, you name it, right?
That's what a responsibility, and this is how they train you out of being responsible, right?
You understand that the Prussian school system trains you to view self-ownership as punishment.
Responsibility is always associated with punishment because the purpose is to remove your capacity for agency, to remove any pleasure you have in self-ownership, and to substitute a fear of punishment for self-ownership.
Basically half of my teachers. Wow. Is it down to 50% these days?
That is massive progress. Massive progress.
[16:42] So the mechanism is you, when you say to someone, you said something that hurt me, you said something that upset me, you'd said something that made me angry, that you're coming after them and they need, like, you're going to attack someone.
Right? You go to someone and say, you hurt me, you upset me, you angered me.
They're like, well, Steph, if I'm going to do that, right? Steph's going to attack someone.
He's either going to attack me or who? What's the choice?
He's either going to attack me irrationally, aggressively, Aggressively, maybe violently.
What's the only choice? Either I attack the person who upset me, or, from their perspective, what's the only other option?
What are they aiming for? If I'm, they don't want me to attack them, so who do I have to attack?
Myself. Yeah.
[17:56] Yeah, so what they do is they feel bad, they feel frightened, they get angry because the fight or flight mechanism, when responsibility comes in, you did this and it was bad, then immediately punishment comes in, someone's going to get punished.
And so what they do is they say I had no intention it wasn't my goal it was an accident it wasn't offensive if if you're somehow upset I guess I'm sorry so then they try to get me to attack myself by saying god maybe I am overreacting maybe maybe they didn't see anything wrong well it's unjust and wrong and bad of me to attack someone for a mere accident so I guess I'm just being unjust and irrational and aggressive, right? So someone's going to get attacked in this scenario.
And the person is like, I would rather, Steph, you attack yourself than attack me.
[18:51] You can see the panic and wheels turning in their heads like a little kid who broke the vase. Yes.
Yes. I mean, it's been obviously key to peaceful parenting and certainly my parenting is you don't, you don't punish a child for self-ownership.
And you certainly don't associate self-ownership or responsibility with pain and punishment. That's brutal.
[19:11] I'm sorry if you feel, hey, I'm sorry if you feel that way. I mean, it's just your feelings.
So rather than, because certainty equals, oh gosh, this is a big topic. It's a big topic.
Hit me with a Y if you want to dig in. I can do it relatively quickly, but it's going to hurt.
It's going to hurt.
Listening and walking. That's good. That's good.
[19:48] Yeah. Avoiding responsibility is a panic situation for others and they toss it back on you to avoid pain and to get you to self-attack rather than attacking them, right? All right, bring the pain.
Thank you, Jared. I will...
All right, I'm going to quote to you from a wee bit of poetry that had a very big effect on me.
A very, very big effect on me.
[20:23] Turning and turning in the widening gyre, the falcon cannot hear the falconer.
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed and everywhere where the ceremony of innocence is drowned.
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand. Surely the second coming is at hand. Ah, the second coming.
Hardly are those words out when a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi troubles my sight somewhere in the sands of the desert.
A shape with lion body in the head of a man, gaze blank and pitiless as the sun.
It's moving, it's slow, thighs, while all about it reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
[21:30] The darkness drops again. But now I know that twenty centuries of stony sleep were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle.
And what a rough, and what rough beast its hour, come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born.
Now the second verse, I mean, obviously a lot of biblical references and all of that, But the first is unbelievable.
These eight lines just peel apart the modern world like a cherry bomb in an orange.
[22:07] Things fall apart. The center cannot hold.
This is when humanity in a culture or a country or a civilization has no common narrative.
Has no common narrative. Common narrative is the opposite of hedonism.
Hedonism is you seek your own pleasure, Everybody's pleasures are slightly variant.
And so when you can teach people to no longer sacrifice, no longer be good, that the collective has no value.
I'm not talking about the enforced collective or collectivism as a political philosophy, but the group has no value.
Things fall apart. The center cannot hold. Mere anarchy, in the old sense, is loosed upon the world.
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned.
The tide comes in. But these two lines is the modern world.
The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
I mean, isn't that it? The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
Amazing stuff. Amazing stuff.
[23:22] Now, Now, one of the reasons why, one of the reasons why the world is in the state that it's in is because of the visceral, spinal experience, of almost all children that certainty equals abuse.
Certainty equals abuse. And because we lack philosophy in the public square, in the public sphere, much though I tried to bring it and keep it there, because we lack philosophy.
In the public square and the public sphere, we have no way to undo certainty.
[24:28] All we can do is attempt two strategies.
One, to sow any kind of self-doubt in those who are certain.
Number two, to increase the self-doubt in those who are uncertain so they don't fight with the certain people and the illusion of peace is maintained.
I'm going to say this again. It's a little complex.
I'm trying to think of a better way to put it, but you're a smart crew. I'm sure you'll get it.
There are those who are certain and wrong, how do we defend ourselves against those who are both certain and wrong well philosophy having philosophers in the public square to take down those who are certain and wrong is the essential survival mechanism of the species if you don't have that, what do you do what do you do with those who are certain passionate the worst are full of passionate intensity what do you do with those who are certain and wrong, well the only defense you have in the absence of philosophers for us is you try to sow self-doubt in the minds of those who are certain and wrong, but it probably won't work. Probably won't work.
[25:43] Or option two, you have those who are certain and those who are opposed to that certainty.
If you can't implant self-doubt or self-attack even in the minds of those who are certain but wrong, then what you do is you turn to those who are opposing them and you sow doubt, self-doubt, self-attack into the minds of those who oppose and that way the illusion of relative peace is maintained.
[26:20] This is the desperate losing battle. I mean, this is, um, why do the conservatives always lose?
Because this tends to be the strategy.
[26:46] If you try to sow doubt into the minds of those who are certain and wrong, it's an extremely dangerous occupation.
I mean, we know all of this from Socrates to Aristotle.
To Plato, to Jesus, to Galileo. Well, Galileo was a little different.
Galileo wasn't just tortured because he believed the sun was the center of the solar system. He was tortured because when the Pope said, well, this is an interesting thesis.
Maybe you want to work it out a little bit more. I don't quite get it.
He was like, the Pope is an a-hole who won't listen to me, my genius.
And it's like, yeah, yeah, I saw the question about the acting class.
We're not talking about that right now.
[27:39] So, when you go to someone and say, you hurt me, they can't process that they're responsible and hurt someone because that equals infinite punishment and the classification as an abuser and the loss of all credibility in the future, right?
So if someone says something to you that hurts you, and you go to them and say, you hurt me, and they say, oh, well, tell me more, and they listen to it, and they're like, you know what, that actually does make total sense. I'm really sorry.
I mean, you're right. I did it wrong, and I'll think about why.
Maybe we can have that conversation together, but I really am sorry that I did this, and I can completely understand where you're coming from.
Well, that lowers tensions and so on, right?
But then the problem is when you admit fault, particularly dysfunctional families, when you admit fault, then you lose all credibility in the future. This is why people won't admit fault. They can't almost in the mindset that they have.
Because if you say something hurts someone, person comes to you and says, you hurt me. And you say, I'm really, really sorry.
Then the next time you say something that hurts someone, they'll say, oh, and you say, well, no, actually, I don't think, oh, you were certain you didn't hurt the other person.
Turned out you were wrong about that. Maybe you must be wrong about this.
You have like, you have no credibility. If you admit false, you lose all credibility.
[29:01] So you can't.
So you hurt someone, they call you out on it, and particularly if it happens in public, you must sow in them the doubt about the justice of their hurt.
It's your only strategy. Certainty equals abuse. abuse, because certainty is usually the product of bigotry.
I mean, in sort of the modern world, you can get to certainty through reason and evidence.
And I can't think of a time when I've ever publicly retracted something I know to be true.
But certainty for most people is just the result of a hardened and propagandized bigoted and emotionally defensive position that they can't give up for fear of psychological non-existence.
[30:11] A certainty is loyalty to propaganda it's a certainty is a mark of loyalty to propaganda it's a mark of loyalty to the rulers to the kings to those in charge of those running things.
[30:32] So if you're certain of something, people view you as abusive.
Because the people they've experienced who are certain are abusers.
I mean, to hit a child, to beat a child is a mark of moral certainty to the point where you're willing to use violence against a helpless, weak, dependent child, you have to be certain.
Punishment arises from certainty.
Proof beyond a reasonable doubt, you throw someone in jail, punishment arises from certainty.
And therefore certainty is abuse because most punishment that children experience is abusive.
[31:22] So the only protection you have to those who would abuse you based on certainty is to sow seeds of self-doubt in them.
Maybe you got it wrong. Maybe, just maybe you're not correct, right?
Don't wages arise from certainty as well?
What now?
Don't wages arise from certainty as well?
What an odd non sequitur to bring to the conversation.
You can just tell me you're uncomfortable with the conversation rather than trying to distract me with economic nonsense. Wages arise from negotiation.
Negotiation is never certain because it's a compromise.
[32:14] And it's a continual compromise. And a continual negotiation. So how can it be certain?
You want to get paid a million dollars your boss wants to pay you a dollar you end up on 25 bucks or something right and next year at 30 how is that certain, it's certain that you're willing to accept it but i don't know what certainty means so that's a very odd non-sequitur we're talking about sort of childhood and punishment and you're like but wages, okay i mean i told you it would be uncomfortable and we can see the manifestation so i mean i have sympathy for that but don't do that don't do that please least that kind of certainty means people would avoid anything that uncontrollably challenges their reality yeah i mean if you go to a leftist who hates conservatives or whatever right and you say well more than 50 of conservatism has genetic origins so you're discriminating against against people for their genes.
You're saying that people are inferior, immoral, evil, and bad for their genetics.
I mean, they would just get enraged because they want to hate, right? They want to have enemies.
[33:35] And genetic discrimination is wrong. They know that, they accept that.
Can't discriminate people based upon their genes, right?
[33:50] So when they hate conservatives, I mean, people just, they don't even know the basic facts that a lot of political beliefs are genetic.
They're discriminating against people based on their genes.
[34:06] I had this, I had this saved somewhere.
I had the numbers vaguely handy as I scroll and scroll, all scrolling, scrolling, scrolling although the streams are swollen.
Keep them doggies rolling right.
Oh, neither of us. What are we fish? Noiki.
Yeah, so I mean, this is from over 10 years ago, right?
Percent of each political attitude or psychological trait attributable to genetic factors. Now, it's not 100%, blah, blah, blah, right?
Self-identified ideology, Ideology, 56%. Ideology, scale, 58%.
Egalitarianism, 50%. Attitudes towards social organization, 54%.
Personality traits, extroversion is 70%. Agreeableness is 38%.
Conscientiousness is 42%. Neuroticism, 42%. Openness, 43%. Extreme authoritarianism, 48%.
Now, who knows? With true self-knowledge and this, that, and the other, right?
But basic knowledge is not really there.
[35:25] I have someone says I've seen the thought process go from doubting to capital letters from this is a way forward to this is the way instead of actively doing reasoning and introspection double down on the wrong so if someone hurts you and they say immediately say I didn't mean to to, how do we know they're lying?
How do we know they're lying? I mean, they are lying. They're lying.
And how do we know that?
[36:04] It's not the same as saying for sure they did mean to, but how do they know?
How do they know that they didn't mean to?
Are they not aware that human beings have unconscious motivations?
Are they not aware that people act out?
Are they not aware that people dissociate and the past takes over?
They know immediately, they know immediately that they didn't mean to.
Well, they will act surprised. But if you say, you said something that hurt me, I didn't mean to.
They can't possibly have processed their entire history, introspect, figure out what's going on, figure out if they'd ever experienced that as a child, figure out if they had any guilt about it, figure out if they have a level of depth or empathy, right?
So number one, they're lying because they can't possibly know that in a moment.
They can't possibly know that in a moment.
[37:05] Deep knowledge of motivation. Come on. I mean, please, I'm not saying you don't, but I will take Like, I will take authority here.
I mean, and this is not an imaginary authority because you all have heard me have, I don't know what, 1,500 incredibly deep and intense conversations about people about motivation.
[37:28] Have I ever been to Florida? Yeah, I've been to Florida.
Yeah, you can't possibly be certain of your motives. If you've hurt someone you claim to care about, you can't possibly be certain of your motives in an instant. They're lying.
They're lying, and it doesn't mean... So, I want to get this additional layer. It's important.
[37:55] It may be that they didn't mean to hurt you, but they can't know that in a moment, right?
It's like if you said to someone, you gave someone some big complicated math multiplication, like three digits times three digits, and they just shouted out the answer.
Maybe they get it right, but they're still lying because they haven't done the calculation. I'm, you know, autistic excluded or something like that, right?
So, and so the other thing too is that they're lying.
So if you say to someone, what you said hurt me, and they say, I didn't mean to, then they're hurting you again.
So they've just denied their motivation because they're hurting you again because they're not saying, tell me more.
They're not saying, what happened? They're not saying, tell me about your feelings.
They're not saying, what has occurred for you since?
They're not saying, this must be difficult to have this conversation.
They're not showing you any empathy.
You know, going up to someone and saying what you said hurt me is a mark of respect, right?
Because somebody coming up and saying what you said hurt me is a mark of respect because they're saying you can listen, you can understand, the friendship is worth, you know, the friendship is worth, like, you know, if some waiter says something that hurts you, you don't wait outside for their shift to get off and have a long talk to them.
That'd be kind of crazy, right? Because you don't have any investment in the relationship.
[39:22] People certain of their motivations instantaneously is suspicious. vicious no it's just false it's just false and if somebody says like i didn't mean to punch you and then punches you again then that's obviously false i mean that's that's clearly obviously false right hey man you just punched me i didn't mean to right then they're just lying they're lying, now maybe they'd pass a lie detector i don't know i don't care but axiomatically by definition definition they're lying because a they're claiming knowledge they don't have and b they're doing they're hurting you again.
[40:05] Yeah, they did not ask about how they did or what hurt you. Did they apologize?
Well, it's too... No, just because you say something that hurts someone doesn't mean, that your hurt is their fault. They owe you an apology. That doesn't mean anything.
I mean, you've heard me say this. What you said bothers me. I don't mean that you're bothersome. I'm just giving you the causality. I'm not saying it's your fault.
I'm also not saying it's just. I'm just saying this was my experience.
So hit me with a why if just about everything you loved as a child was scorned and mocked by your family of origin.
Everything you loved and treasured as a child was scorned and mocked by your family of origin.
Certainly for me, my musical tastes, philosophy, video games, fantasy novels that I loved to read in my mid-teens, it was all scorned and mocked.
By my family of origin. It's not 100%, but it's a lot of diminishment.
It's a lot of, if you love it, then only losers care about it.
What are you doing playing these stupid video games?
What are you doing playing this Pink Floyd's The Wall again?
What are you doing with this? What are you doing with that? Don't be ridiculous.
It's just embarrassing. It's time to move on. I can't believe you're still into that.
I mean, haven't you outgrown that? It's just diminishment and attack, right?
[41:31] Now, when I play a song that I like for my daughter, sometimes she kind of rolls her eyes, right?
Now, that can be upsetting for me, not because of anything my daughter's doing, but because in my childhood and in my teen years, what I loved and cared about was scorned and mocked by those around me, to a large degree.
So, the fact that I'm upset is not because of her, right? And she should be perfectly free to not like my music.
Or even to say, it's kind of repetitive. And you know, that's her perspective, right?
So the fact that she says something and I can get a little upset, it's not some big tragedy, right? But I can get a little upset, is not her fault, right?
So the fact that she said something and I'm a little upset is not her fault.
It's the fault of others. I mean, I'm sure this makes sense.
You understand, right? You understand. down.
We've all been there. So the fact that someone says something that's upsetting to me doesn't mean that they're wrong.
Doesn't mean that they're wrong at all. And I wouldn't want to get upset with my daughter because my family was mean to me 40 years ago, right?
Or 50 years ago. I mean, that's not fair, right? That's not right.
Dave says, they mostly ignored I had any interests.
[42:57] Please just double check your spelling just you all right all good ones unless they looked good mostly it was indifference uh yep i painted and drew a lot artistically and my parents constantly treated them like garbage yeah i'm sorry about that but not everything but some yeah yeah.
[43:20] My mom made fun of my brother because he was watching an episode of sax in the city, she yelled like a lunatic only women watch sex in the city well you see your mother would get mad at your brother because sex in the city is crack in the case of dysfunctional femininity particularly urban dysfunctional femininity i associate you hurt me with you cannot do that again because it hurts me right right so again if you can't manage your own emotions you end up having to to control others.
My mom even made fun of my love of Tim Hortons in the UK because of a supermarket being close. What?
I was thinking of Tesco. I was in Tesco. It was a supermarket when I was a kid.
[44:11] So if someone says something that hurts you and they care about you or you care about each other it's come it's complex i don't know what the answer to that is i don't know i mean i can say i'm hurt i've done hopefully done some introspection to figure out what's gone on with me but, it was a saint's breeze i don't know what that means i don't know what that means um Um, so here's the thing too.
If I go to someone and say, you said something that hurt me, then because I have some degree of self-knowledge and self-ownership and self-re, 100% self-ownership, self-responsibility, if I put the responsibility on the other person for hurting me, it would be reasonable to to accept, right?
It would be reasonable to accept that I've already gone through the process of figuring out that it's not just my dysfunction.
It's not just my history. It's not just my scar tissue. It's not just me being triggered. It's not my childhood, right?
If I go to someone and say, now, if I go to someone and say, you said something the other day that upset me because of my childhood blood, and it has nothing to do with you. I'm just sort of telling you, right?
Because it's important to know the mechanics of the relationship, right?
[45:34] So if I go to someone and I say, what you said hurt me, the assumption would be that I've already gone through the process of figuring out whether it's just me.
And I've already rejected that as a hypothesis, at least that it's just me.
So if they say, I didn't mean to, then what they're saying is, I'm triggered, I'm just reacting, which is actually a projection.
They're triggered, they're just reacting.
I'm just triggered, I'm just reacting. And what they're saying is that I don't even have enough self-knowledge should think it might just be my screwed up history, right?
It's kind of an insult, right? So they're hurting their insult, they're rejecting their, right?
So if somebody says, I didn't mean to hurt you, I never meant to hurt you, it's all on you, it's an accident, it's your craziness, it's not, right?
Then they're just hurting you again while claiming they have no intention of hurting you, right?
And in a way, it's a little bit true. All they're doing is wanting to avoid the punishment that comes with responsibility. responsibility.
They just want to avoid the punishment that comes with being assigned responsibility, because responsibility equals punishment.
Responsibility equals punishment. That's the way that childhood works as a whole.
[46:54] It's very sad.
[47:04] It's very sad.
All right. Let's get to your other questions. Any tips for first-time acting class I'm taking in a couple weeks?
Well, you know I took years of training as an actor, right? A hackter. A hackter.
So, this is the best conversation I can imagine having this morning.
Thank you, Steph. Thank you, Jared. I appreciate this. Very kind.
Tips, obviously welcome. I'm sky dropping a lot of wisdom here, so I hope this helps you out.
[47:47] Acting is not about you. Acting is about the other person. Acting is about listening.
Acting is about listening. You really want to focus on what the other person is saying in acting.
In other words, acting is generally reacting. Everybody wants to push out all of this stuff, but it is listening to the other person.
Of course, you know, thinking it's real and this, that, and the other end, you know, it's a challenge, right?
Because you have a script that you've memorized, unless you're doing improv, right?
You have a script that you memorized, but really listen to the other person i mean one of the things that drives me crazy about modern movies oh my god i i really i mean i've mostly given up on modern movies unless i'm doing a movie review but it's one thing i can't stand about modern movies is the pauses oh my i'm not saying everything's got to be the philadelphia story but the pauses and the pauses and the poor everybody with their long meaningful dewy eyed looks and uh pause but someone says something and then there's other dewy-eyed deep looks and then eventually somebody else responds.
It's just, oh my God. Like there was a Pinter Poise, it was kind of famous.
Harold Pinter was a playwright who wrote some truly tragic, and I was in one of his plays.
I played the lead in a play called A Slight Ache about a guy's mental disintegration while rhyming off wines.
But.
[49:15] I was always told in theater school, tool, don't pause.
React. Action, reaction. And, of course, the funny thing is, is it's so, it's so unbelievable, because in conversations, there are almost never pauses.
[49:34] They're almost never pauses. Pauses are quite uncomfortable for people, right? All right.
[49:45] Thank you, Steph. That was a brilliant answer to the question. I'm very glad to help.
Modern movies, so many will just tell you what is happening through the dialogue like they are reading the blocking notes and author's notes on a screenplay.
I don't know what that means.
Steph, how do you deal with people who accuse you of being gay?
I found that often women are very judgmental. For example, at a party, I put on a ballerina dress as a joke.
From there on, I then had several females questioning me. Do you want to tell me something?
I'm not gay, but it's extremely weird how women can often twist any sign of femininity or use it as a justification to believe that you're a closet homosexual. Um, uh, why are you putting on a ballerina dress?
You know like have you seen these um videos where you know there's some big muscular bearded dad who puts on a tutu to dance with his daughters and so on i'm like you know there's something for the moms to do probably but i'm not sure that it is uh particularly great that way yeah i don't understand like if you're around i'm not sure why you'd be putting on a ballerina dress, it does seem a bit odd i i could be wrong maybe there's a context that makes sense but it does That seemed a bit odd.
Let's see here.
[51:04] It's amazing how ignorant I was to the effects of childhood.
Yes, yes. Well, and that ignorance is by design, right?
If you understand how hurt you are by your childhood, then you'll start calling people out for hurting you as a child, right?
All right. Yes.
Ah.
[51:27] Good morning, Steph. I recently asked out a virtuous, wonderful woman friend of mine, and we just entered into a relationship.
Hey, congratulations. relations. I likely would never have done so without your encouragement and wisdom. Thank you. Appreciate it.
I have to agree with Jared. This conversation has been so important.
Right. What is more important in a caring relationship than the phrase, I love you?
What are the three words that are more important than I love you in a caring relationship?
The three most important words in a caring relationship.
[52:05] Have you seen some like it hot uh the old monroe film i think so but i can't remember much about it yeah you got it tell me more, you said something that really hurt me tell me more now avoid apologizing because apologizing is taking away from that other person the possibility that it could be their own problem that causing is causing the upset just tell me more no i trust you no that's a conclusion conclusion.
Tell me more. Someone's upset with you? Yeah. Tell me more. Lay it on me.
I mean, right? Do you see what I'm saying?
You see what I'm saying?
Excellent. Rumble has stopped working. Fine technology.
Let's see. Sorry, just one sec here.
Oh yeah, it It just ended. Why? It just ended.
It's so bad. It's so bad.
[53:14] Technology is just, oh well, maybe I outsource more coding, everything will be fine.
It's just so bad. I don't know how people stand it, like as managers, I have no idea how people stand the terrible quality of technology. It's amazing to me.
I would be tearing my hair out. I couldn't stand it when things don't work.
Because I have, I don't know, decades of experience coding and managing coders and running projects, multi-million dollar projects.
Like, the lack of quality is just astounding.
It just doesn't work.
[53:56] Starts working, stops working. Why? No reason.
It just doesn't work. Starts streaming, stops streaming, doesn't give you any notification. that it's not working, just stops working.
Doesn't tell you why. Doesn't tell you what to do. Doesn't tell you anything.
Just doesn't work. All right.
Well, congratulations. I hope the relationship goes well. I'm sure it will.
She's virtuous and all that. All right, let's go here.
Have you ever been to Florida, Steph? I've never been.
I asked because on Instagram, I constantly see an endless barrage of college-aged women in Florida posing in their bikinis. I'm not a fan of hot weather.
But I'm long-term single. I would much rather live in a log cabin in Alaska, but it's hard to find a girlfriend in the snowy void.
Is it the responsibility of single man to go where the women are? Would you agree, Steph?
[54:53] I'm a little confused here.
[54:58] Do you want a woman who posts vast acreage of youthful nubile flesh on Instagram?
[55:12] Is that a woman you want?
She's pretty, and I can see half her tits. Let's get married and make a family, right?
I don't, uh, Instagram bikini base. They're just appealing to your lust, right? Right, they're just appealing to your lust.
The dog that didn't bark, right? You know this thing, the dog that didn't bark?
That there was, I think it comes out of a Sherlock Holmes story.
That there was someone who was supposed to have crept up and blah, blah, blah, but there was a dog there and the dog didn't bark, and therefore that person couldn't have crept up. It's something like that, right? The dog that didn't bark.
The seen versus the unseen, right? The seen versus the unseen.
I can see your butt and your boobs.
What I can't see is you doing any good deeds or reading a book or helping the elderly or reading for charity or helping out at a homeless shelter or whatever, right?
It's a narcissism of empty flesh.
[56:27] I will stimulate your balls, not your brain. I will strip mine, what nature gave me, selfishly.
I will strip mine, my youthful beauty and attractiveness, to get money and likes, not to find a quality man with whom to start a family.
[56:50] It's not what's present. What's present is there to distract you from what's absent, right?
What's present is there to distract you from what's absent, which is virtue and a personality.
All right.
Let's get to Jared. Thank you for the tippy tip.
And, and, for the great question, seems like people always hold the usurer as wholly accountable with little or no accountability for the borrower.
It's one of those areas I see a sensible non-leftist play the victim.
Am I missing something here?
[57:35] Some people, so people always hold the usurer as wholly accountable with little or no accountability for the borrower.
So quality always outnumbers non-quality. Right? Quality is always the minority.
By definition, quality is the exception, right? The number of five-star restaurants is always outnumbered by the number of non-five-star restaurants, right?
The number of great singers, always outnumbered by the number of non-great singers.
Guys who are 6'10 are always outnumbered by guys who are less than 6'10".
And quality is always outnumbered by non-quality, which means, of course, in a democracy, you have to appeal to non-quality at the expense of quality.
You have to appeal to the average at the expense of the exceptional, which is why democracy.
[58:39] Democracy always devolves to an appeal to the average or the low quality at the expense of the high quality and the extreme becomes communism where they just go around shooting everybody of high quality right you know the old like i said talked about this in my documentary on poland that a communist takeover is just shooting everyone in glasses.
[59:07] So, are there more people who borrow money? And we're talking about, you know, not central banking.
We're just talking about the general economic. Are there more people who lend money?
Or are there more people who borrow money? Well, there are more people who borrow money than lend money.
Are there more people who own apartment buildings? Or are there more people who rent apartments?
There are more people who rent apartments. Now, I'm not talking about quality in a moral sense.
I mean, there could be a slumlord who's a real rat fink.
It could be really a virtuous person who rents an apartment.
So I'm just talking about in terms of maybe IQ and in terms of deferral of gratification and long-term planning and this and that and the other.
As a whole, the people who own apartment buildings are more successful than the people who rent apartments.
I think we can agree on that. The people who have a whole bunch of money to lend are more successful than the people who are desperately in need of borrowing money.
Right i mean when i was an entrepreneur and starting out as an entrepreneur and wanted to co-found this software company i was broke i was broke.
[1:00:26] So i had to go to people who weren't broke to get investment right we needed the eighty thousand dollars to start the software company so i was broke economically not successful And we went to people we know who had money, who were economically more successful, and asked them to invest money.
Right?
[1:00:54] So why do people hold the user as wholly accountable with little or no accountability to the borrower?
Because democracy is about appealing to the masses.
I mean, by definition, you can't get voted in unless you appeal to the masses.
And the masses of people are less successful and therefore you have to appeal to the less successful at the expense of the more successful.
Right? And this ends up with Kulaks in concentration camps, right?
[1:01:34] So, you will always rouse the resentments of the average against the successful as a foundational strategy of divide and conquer.
[1:01:50] So, for people into political elites in democracy, they say, well, having more is bad, but you can solve that by giving me all the political and coercive power in the known universe.
I mean, excess is bad in the economy, but apparently, which is voluntary, but excess of political power is fantastic, right? I mean, it's obviously a complete contradiction, right?
[1:02:12] It's a complete contradiction.
So, in a free society, in a free society, you wouldn't even need to make these distinctions in particular.
Particular, you wouldn't need to make these distinctions in particular because there are no masses to appeal to in terms of generating resentment.
There are no masses to appeal to in a free society, right?
So look, there's always a market in the world that is. there's always a market for removing responsibility.
Always. Especially for people who've screwed up their lives beyond repair.
Hit me with a why if you've ever known someone who's screwed up their life beyond repair. I certainly have.
[1:03:14] Have you known someone, screwed up their life beyond repair?
There's always a market for removing responsibility from those to whom responsibility would not do much good.
Responsibility is for when you can fix things. If you can't fix things, what's the point of responsibility? responsibility.
It just makes you feel terrible for all the mistakes you've made because you can't fix them.
And in fact, the avoidance of self-ownership for people who screwed up their lives beyond repair is like a survival mechanism because if they truly accept they screwed up their lives beyond repair, it can't be fixed.
And then they now face a decades of misery.
I mean, they might jump off a bridge. Like it is a survival mechanism to abandon responsibility and self off ownership when you've screwed up your life beyond repair.
[1:04:13] Tell me if this makes sense. It's sort of like if you have injured yourself to the point where you're in chronic pain, we just need to take drugs, right?
I assume, right? I don't know if there's other ways to manage it, but let's say the only way to manage it is to take painkillers.
So there's a market for painkillers for people who can't heal.
[1:04:46] Like I got a message from a guy, I did the show yesterday, I haven't put it out yet, which is he basically said, I've got a woman, she's a friend of mine, she's 41 years old, she just came back from traveling, she's broke, she's got no savings, I had to lend her money, she's got no future, she broke up with her boyfriend even though she always wanted a family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
And you can hear the show in more detail when I put it out at some point, but, basically people who've screwed up their lives beyond repair.
[1:05:20] Will go crazy and try and take you with them. I mean, maybe unconscious, doesn't really matter.
People who screwed up their lives beyond repair, you can't make them sane because you can't fix, sanity is for fixing problems.
You can't, it ain't over till it's over, however.
What are you talking about? She's 41, she has no boyfriend, she's not going to have a family.
It is over. I mean, as far as having a family, kids and, right, she's 41 and no boyfriend.
When might that show come out? I don't know. Stop pressuring me, Joe. You're making me feel terrible. I don't know. We've got so many.
It's funny, you know, because people, I get these messages. Like, man, you put out too much content. I can't keep up. It's like, you think this is all for you? This is for the future, too.
I think people can make mistakes, but I don't think people can screw up their lives beyond repair. Life is life.
Ah, and we can only try to practice virtue. We have to reflect and improve our actions.
Even when we live with the consequences of our actions, our lives still have worth.
I mean, that's not an argument.
Can she be successful if she adopts a child and raises them well?
You mean if she raises a child without a father? Because she wants a child rather than what's best for the child? Don't think so.
[1:06:36] Ooh, this is, oh, James says, we've got about two weeks or so of queue currently for the cures.
But I might put it out on Locals just because it was a Locals question.
You don't think people can screw up their lives beyond repair? Really?
[1:06:55] So, a smoker who gets lung cancer and dies at the age of 50, you don't think he screwed up his life by smoking beyond repair?
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry, I'm genuinely baffled at this point. The fuck are you talking about?
You don't think people can screw up their lives beyond repair?
What if you have beaten your children for 10 years?
Beaten your helpless, dependent, innocent, screaming, cowering children for 10 years. You don't think that's screwed up your life beyond repair?
You can't undo it. You can't fix it. Holy crap.
What are you talking about? Can't screw up your life beyond repair?
A murderer who's now in jail for 40 years or gets the death penalty, hasn't screwed up his life beyond repair? What are you talking about?
Some guy who dies of a heart attack because he's 400 pounds at the age of 35 or 40, you don't think he's screwed up his life beyond? What on earth are we talking about here?
Can you ruin your life from verbal abuse to children alone? well in my view verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse so absolutely yes, come on I have you you've never known someone who screwed up their life beyond repair.
[1:08:24] Serial killers, pedophiles, rapists. You don't think people can screw up their lives beyond repair?
[1:08:33] Beyond repair means you can't fix it, you can't undo it.
Some screw-ups beyond repair is climbing Everest and losing body parts due to frostbite.
No, not necessarily. Not necessarily.
I mean, you can't restore your body parts, I assume, but that doesn't mean that your life is ruined.
Because that's, you ruin your life by abusing others.
[1:09:06] In general, like if you just do something that hurts yourself, that doesn't ruin your life.
So I wouldn't put, I mean, Cliving Everest, maybe you're just a thrill junkie, man.
What's that phrase from Finding Nemo? You know, you got serious thrill issues, dude.
Lots of people, they're hopeless. They hang out together. I think Americans are taught anything is fixable. Seems like a psyop.
Holy crap. I mean, you understand, I've lived my life on the complete cliff edge of screwing everything up all the time.
Like I'm really, really riding the edge of that cliff on a jet pack. No, not a jet pack.
On a motorcycle, I'm a motorcycle on the edge of the cliff. That's been my whole career.
So I want to tell enough truth that I help the world but not so much truth that I go into the canyon, I mean holy crap I mean maybe you're right I mean I just tell you what I'm reacting from is my whole life has been about managing not screwing up my life, like my whole life has been about don't screw up your life because I grew up around people who screwed up their life beyond repair.
[1:10:21] Yeah, I'll get to the exotic dancer, but I grew up around people who screwed up their life beyond repair.
So, well, theoretically, they could fix things.
[1:10:38] A problem relevant to my dad, how much verbal abuse of children would it require to ruin one's life? I guess it's subjective.
It is not necessarily the direct immorality that screws up your life it's denying the immorality that screws up your life and after a certain and generally people will not admit responsibility when something can't be fixed anymore generally i mean this changes right but it's not it's not so much the verbal abuse that screws up the parent's life it's the denial of the verbal abuse and the denial of the verbal abuse kicks in when so much damage has been done to the children that it can't be undone and by that i don't mean the children can't be better or happy it just means that too much negative impact on the children has accumulated that the children now have to deal with it and it's going to take therapy and self-work and right the children now have to deal with it right.
[1:11:40] So, yeah, the people who do wrong to others in particular, particularly to children, and they don't accept responsibility.
So when people don't accept responsibility, they're basically saying the relationship can't be fixed.
There is no relationship and it can't be fixed.
So there's a tipping point, right? You understand there's a tipping point in life. You're doing something wrong. You're doing something wrong.
And you feel bad. You feel anxious. You have a desire and a preference to stop.
Right? You understand this, right? Everybody knows this, right?
You're doing bad things, you're doing wrong things, which we all do.
At least I have, I wouldn't take for you, but you're doing wrong things, you're doing bad things, and you feel uncomfortable, you feel bad, it messes with your head and you can't sleep, and right, whatever, right?
I couldn't tell you I was wrong. So there's a line from a song, it's a band which is alternatively comedic and absolutely tortured.
You think it's getting to the point where we can be ourselves again.
It's really tortured. The singer is both funny and tortured.
[1:12:50] And there's a line. It's a very tragic song called Good Boy.
Let me just see if I want to get the line correctly. I remember this really, really hit me well.
[1:13:12] I couldn't tell you I was wrong Chickened out, grabbed a pen and a paper Sat down and I wrote this song I couldn't tell you that you were right So instead I looked in the mirror, watched TV, laid awake all night, Yeah, couldn't tell you I was wrong Chickened out, couldn't tell you you were right Instead I looked in the mirror, watched TV, laid awake all night He's bothered by the fact that he's not accepting responsibility, and saying that he was wrong and the other, his girlfriend was right, right?
It's very good. It's a very good lyric, a very good song. And it really struck me. So if you do something wrong, it bothers you when you...
Conscience bothers you when you work to fix it, right?
How do you decide what's too much truth? Count the number of lasers on the old forehead.
Over a certain amount, step back into the shadows.
Yeah, I'm fighting for the future, not for the present. Well, we all know that, right? Okay. Okay.
[1:14:30] So people, who've screwed up their life beyond repair will go crazy because all they do is lie to themselves because they can't accept responsibility because responsibility might make them suicidal.
So all they have to do, all they do is they blame others, they avoid responsibility, they manipulate reality, they drive themselves insane.
And you can't fix them because they can't fix their lives. You can't fix people whose lives can't be fixed.
Because for somebody to look in the mirror and say, I screwed up my own life and it can't be fixed, would be, it's unbearable for people.
It's unbearable for people.
[1:15:17] And so they lie to themselves, to others, and those lies fester and spread.
They go crazy, and they'll take you with them.
If you let them, you can't fix them.
You can't fix them.
[1:15:38] I saw somebody was saying, well, what if this 41-year-old woman adopts a kid and blah, blah, she's got no money.
She's got no money, got no career, got no job. And she traveled, and we all know what an attractive woman traveling with no money means, right? Q, hot dog, right?
How do you know if it's verbal abuse in childhood that is causing your problems?
What do you mean? How do you know if it's a verbal abuse in childhood that is causing your problems? Well, my first question would be, were you verbally abused as a child?
And do any of your problems, like, you know, you see these people sometimes when you play sports, right?
You see these people who are, you know, I'm such an idiot. Oh, get it right. You know, they'd snarl at themselves.
And I've said this to people I'm playing with. It's like, hey, I don't enjoy playing with your dad. Maybe you could just join us, right?
That's just verbal abuse. And people who are very good at verbally abusing others will verbally abuse themselves.
Yeah, it's no question. I mean, it's a skill you learn, right? It's a skill you learn.
[1:16:49] I have a friend whose 20-year-old child died. He's been grieving for three or more years, so much that he hasn't worked in years and is eating himself to death. I wish I knew how to help him, but I don't.
Yeah, that's very sad. That's very sad.
[1:17:08] I mean what I would say to him is if your child who died could speak to you would he be happy with what you're doing, would he be happy that you're drinking and eating yourself to death and not working, would he be happy that you basically lay down with him in the grave and refuse to see the sun ever again would he be happy be that two died for the price of one. He would not.
It's an insult to your child who died to refuse to live again.
[1:17:49] Yeah, no, honestly, um, you, you gotta be saying the people who can't be fixed, people who can't be fixed, people who can't be fixed to the people who blame others for their problems.
And after a certain amount of time, it's just cruel.
Like if somebody screwed up their life beyond repair. Like, let's say this woman is sort of post-fertility, and I'm 41 and no boyfriend.
It's, you know, she might, but it's effectively post-fertility.
So what's the point of saying, well, you should have dated in your 20s, and you should have settled down in your 20s, and you should have at least, like, you should have planned. Like, what's the point?
She can't fix it. You're just torturing her. What's the point?
Some guy's dying of lung cancer. You really shouldn't have What's the point?
It's cruel.
It's sort of sadistic.
[1:18:43] You save your help for people who can be helped. This is sort of, you're not helping people who can't be helped.
And we have, and I can see this in the chat, and listen, I understand this.
This is a bitter pill to swallow. It's a fact, I believe. It's a bitter pill to swallow.
It's a bitter pill to swallow.
That's a, And people pass beyond the fulcrum of being helped, of being helpable.
They pass beyond the fulcrum of being helpable. You can't help them.
I have lots of tips as to, I mean, they're not pursuing self-help, they're not taking ownership, they're avoiding their problems, they're justifying, they're attacking, they're blaming, they're like, okay, then you can't help them.
Save your medicine for people who know that they're unwell.
Every person who won't change you try to help as an insult to the people you could help, including yourself. You're just insulting people.
[1:19:50] It's a good thing we have a mute for the dad's knees or your brain would be blown out your nasal passages. All right.
Let's get to the stripper. Sorry, the exotic dancer. answer it.
Let me just, I've got my notes here on questions. I think I, my sister is an exotic dancer who got groped a few weeks ago. What can I do to help her?
Sorry, I don't mean to laugh because it's really sad. It's really sad.
Reminds me of Oliver's conversation with his mother in the present was a bitter read, but necessary perspective.
Oh, that's a, I just listened to that scene the other day while I was working out.
That's a powerful, powerful scene.
So much packed into that scene.
So, my sister is an exotic dancer who got groped a few weeks ago. What can I do to help her?
Well, does she want to not be an exotic dancer?
Is that her goal?
No, she's not responsible for getting groped just because she's semi-nude.
[1:21:03] But does she want to stop being an exotic dancer, right?
Does she want to get a job that doesn't involve strip mining male hormones for money?
She wants to be an exotic dancer. Okay.
Then you can't help her.
Because the way that we help people is to tell them about the negative consequences of their actions, right? Because it's hard to start people off on deep virtues and all of that.
So the negative consequences of being an exotic dancer is what?
Well, you're around a bunch of sleazy guys and dysfunctional, messed up, often drug or alcohol addicted women.
You're in a trash world of exploitation, semi-criminality, money laundering, and perverts.
And that's the world you live in. I mean, you're paid to be in hell.
You're paid to flash your eyes in the flickering red flyers of Hades. Okay?
So if she's not scared of the negative consequences of being an exotic dancer, there's no appeal to consequences that will help her.
She won't find a good man. Any good man that she does find when he finds out she's an exotic dancer who wants to be an exotic dancer, won't marry her.
She will never get a good man to marry her.
Because a good man does not, like, it would be absolutely incomprehensible.
[1:22:32] For a good man to kiss his wife on the cheek while she goes off to flash her ass at strangers for money it's not going to happen right listen to the song secondhand love from the album white city by pete townsend i don't want your secondhand love i don't want to live in the palm of another another man.
[1:22:55] So she's going to be stuck in a world of trash men.
She has a boyfriend, surprisingly, who is down to earth, comes across as ordinary.
I don't care what he comes across as. He's completely messed up.
She thinks the problems are toxic masculinity, not the dancing.
Sure, absolutely, yeah. Absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely. Sure.
So she has a boyfriend who's comfortable living, I guess, in part off the income of his girlfriend flashing her tits and ass at other men for money.
[1:23:41] I assume, and these days too, right? It's kind of different, right? Because these days, everything you do can be videoed, right?
So I assume that in her exotic dancing, people are videoing the exotic dancing and it's going up somewhere online, you know, whether it's dark web or, you know, some whatever, right?
So the videos of her dancing, fleshing her tits and ass at men for money, the videos of her dancing are now available to everyone for all time.
It's like the OnlyFans things. Well, I shut down my OnlyFans. No, you didn't.
Right. So, so now, um, it's going to be the case that people can find her.
Right. Now, of course, I'm sure she's using a pseudonym like Vixen with three X's or something like that. Right.
She still owes me money, but it's out there.
Right. And so you're going to have kids, you're going to be a suburban soccer mom and have kids with this DNA floating around, right?
Guys stuffing 20s into her panties.
How's that going to be for her, um, for her kids?
How's that going to be when her kids' friends find out? How's that going to be for, like, no husband is going to want to have that.
No husband with any quality, right? So, uh, she wants a wealthy husband, I assume, because if she's ever going to quit stripping, I assume she makes, sort of being an exotic dancer, she's going to.
[1:25:03] She's going to want to replace that income. You can make a lot of money as an exotic dancer.
[1:25:14] She would be fine with being a liberal single mother.
[1:25:20] Still doesn't solve the problem of her past life catching up with her children at some point.
[1:25:28] So, if she wants a wealthy husband, well, the wealthy husband isn't going to want an exotic dancer as a wife. Like, come on.
And, of course, she knows that she's going to run out of steam, right? I don't know how old she is, but she's going to run out of steam in her 30s.
She's gonna have no skills she's probably not saving a whole bunch of money thanks dave, she's probably not saving a whole bunch of money right so she's gonna be she's gonna have, no skills an extremely sordid history a screwed up heart and mind because every time men give her money for her flesh she's dehumanizing both of them she's 22 all right yeah so so she's not She's not thinking about the future.
So how can you help her? She's not thinking about the future.
She's having fun in the here and now. She's making money. She's getting a lot of attention.
She's, right, man of cheering or whooping or whatever, right?
So that's what she wants to live at as an unattainable, well-paid fertility goddess, a totem of fertility. That's what she wants to live, right?
I mean, you're welcome to call in. I'll give you the email here.
And this is not really to talk about your sister, are about to talk about your family history, call in at freedomain.com. Quick question.
What's her relationship like with her father? Her father. What is her relationship like with her father?
[1:26:53] Who's the original toxic male that set her down this path?
[1:27:04] Oh, we've spoken before? I guess we didn't speak yet. You're welcome to call in if you want to talk about this because it's really important to know who can be helped and who can't be.
She at one point didn't like her father when she was 18. It got that bad.
Was she sexually abused or assaulted as a child or as a teen?
It's quite a common denominator. Not 100%, but it's a pretty common denominator.
For which, of course, I would have immeasurable sympathy.
Oh, the father was very verbally abusive? Right.
[1:27:52] So, that kind of stripping, sorry, that kind of exotic dancing or whatever, is really a form of self-abuse because it's saying, I am only my flesh.
The only value I have is my flesh.
It was 99% verbal abuse, no sexual abuse. How do you know no sexual abuse? Have you ever asked her?
Maybe you have but uh i am i am nothing right the man who were cheering her and giving her money for her flesh right it's an empty house right it's just flesh they don't care about her they only care about her physical attributes right so it is a form of saying i am nothing which i'm sure or your dad said to her, you're nothing, you're trash, you're this.
So now she's living that out and it's running her life.
Verbal abuse so often becomes a script that runs your life.
[1:28:50] Jeez, we have, we had a good relationship so I feel she would have told me if that happened, I will ask her. Okay, let me ask you this.
Do you want her to not be an exotic dancer?
No one just says stuff like there's no evidence for anything.
They just assert stuff like, I don't know if you don't have anyone in your life who cares about you enough to want to get you some evidence, right?
So, do you want her to be a flesh peddler?
[1:29:22] Do you want her to be? Just yes or no. Do you want her to be an exotic dancer?
It's not really dancing.
Do you, I don't want her to be, but it's up to her.
I don't want her to be, but it's up to her. What does that mean?
Okay. Do you think it is harmful to her to be an exotic dancer?
Do you think she's self-harming by being an exotic dancer? Do you think she's harming her view of men?
Do you think she's harming her work ethic? Do you think she's harming her view of society?
Do you think that she's losing out on relationship skills or work skills or anything like that? Do you think that it's harmful for her in general to be an exotic dancer and have men stuff money into her bra and panties?
Do you think that's negative for her in the long run?
[1:30:37] Yeah, but she might get depressed if she's not an exotic dancer. It's a different world.
What?
Okay, so it's harmful to her. So what you're saying is her self-harm is up to her.
Her self-harm, hey, it's up to her.
And you don't have a good relationship with her. Because if you have a good relationship with her, she will really really listen to you explain the reasons why it's a bad idea to be an exotic dancer she will listen to that you'll listen to you she will listen to you and if you make good arguments, she will obey those arguments because you have credibility you have good relationship right so.
[1:31:29] You would have credibility with her and if you make good arguments she will subject herself to those, not to you, not to you, but to those good arguments, right?
Now, if she doesn't listen to you, she either doesn't respect you or she doesn't respect reason.
And in which case she does what she wants to do against reasonable good advice and against your happiness and in contempt of you.
She will think I'm a mansplainer, classic, right? So she will will then insult you for trying to help her.
So she's on a terrible path. She insults you for trying to help her, but you have a great relationship and she's done drugs from time to time. Yeah.
Yeah. So, I mean, the drugs are kind of necessary for that level of empty humiliation, right? And cocaine and special K ketamine. Right.
All right, so, Dave, do you have a girlfriend? Do you have a girlfriend?
[1:32:49] I must know for good reason. I don't need the edge of the yes kind of thing.
I don't have a girlfriend. Right. Got it. All right. So quick question, Dave.
You meet a nice, quality, virtuous woman, strong, independent, rational, and competent, secure, and she starts dating you, go on a couple of dates, oh, tell me about your family.
Oh, yeah. No, my sister is a semi-stripper who takes drugs, and she's totally welcome in my life.
I'm really working to try and help her. We have a very good relationship.
What does the quality woman think, say, and do in that situation?
I'm just out of curiosity, right? Everybody looks at what's there.
They don't look at the dog that doesn't bark, right? right?
Yes, my sister, with whom I am very close, we have a great relationship, is an exotic dancer who takes drugs.
From time to time. What does a quality woman do when looking at marrying into said family structure?
Hey, you know, she's a great girl. Maybe she could babysit her kids. kids.
[1:34:15] She thinks that I'm dysfunctional as her, maybe. I would lose trust in the person.
Will you let me also become a stripping drug addict? Hey, what's going to happen?
Hey, what's going to happen with my daughter?
[1:34:29] And you think, right? She puts down her fork, gets up from the table, nice to meet you, and sees you never.
Yikes. What the fuck? Run, run in that order, right? And she may have sympathy and all that, right? I mean, I have sympathy.
Who's not in your life because of what's going on with your sister?
Who's never going to be in your life because of what's going on with your sister?
Imagine you have a daughter.
Now, let's go with... Yeah, imagine you have a daughter and your daughter's, I don't know, 18 or 19 and comes home and says, I met this wonderful guy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah, and his sister is a semi-stripper who takes drugs, and they're very close.
Yeah, I'd say I wouldn't let my sister babysit our child.
[1:35:32] You know, at some point, this is going to be harsh, but I do it out of love, with the very best of intentions. I didn't mean to hurt you.
At some point, And I know we're a disposable man. We wrap ourself around female preferences. We're there to help. We're there to, right?
At some point, you gotta wake up and glare at yourself in the mirror and say, what's best for me?
What's best for me? Not what's best for my sister. Not what's best for the world.
Not what's best for society.
Not what's best for the taxes. It's not what's best for my family.
What's best for me?
What's best for me?
You never have to do that.
But you're never really fully there if you never ask that.
Forget history, forget other people's needs, forget your preferences. What's best for you?
[1:36:54] Is it best for you to be super close to a semi-stripper, drug-taken woman?
[1:37:11] What's your take on a woman who loves dark romance novels? The relationship has been great, but I can't help but wonder how deep and dark her kinks go if she's super into that kind of reading material. Ask her.
Talk to her, not me. I mean, is it a red flag?
I don't know. I mean, I've never, actually I knew one woman who was really into that and she had some kinks and the relationship, it was not my relationship.
I never dated her, of course, but yeah, she had some real kinks in her relationship.
Her marriage didn't work out. All right.
Dave says, I don't want to judge people negatively. I don't know why it makes me uncomfortable. I just want to say I wouldn't do that personally.
Right.
It doesn't particularly matter if you gaslight yourself.
If you can't gaslight other people, it doesn't matter that you gaslight yourself.
Do you follow? So you say, well, I don't want to judge people negatively. Who cares?
You can gaslight yourself and bullshit yourself all you want.
It doesn't matter whether you wouldn't judge your sister negatively.
What matters is would a quality woman, would quality friends judge your sister negatively? That's what matters.
Quality being the operative word.
Well, I don't want this, and I don't want to do that, and I don't want to do the other, and it doesn't matter.
[1:38:38] You can gaslight yourself, but you can't gaslight a quality person because they won't be gaslit.
I don't want to judge is I don't want to think.
I don't want to think is I have no integrity. I have no standards. I have no virtues.
I was broken as a child, and I'm too indoctrinated and lazy to put myself back together.
I don't judge. Judge, I'm a ghost, I don't think, I have no standards, no values, no preferences, I've just run around, chased around like a porcupine, dodging a wolf pack by history, circumstances and my feelings.
It makes me uncomfortable to judge. Thinking hurts. I know thinky.
Okay, well then you can't be trusted. If you don't have any standards, any values, you can't be trusted.
[1:39:46] I judged all my stoner and drunk friends and they're no longer in my life. I'm glad I judged them.
So you're going to get judged no matter what.
You're either going to get judged by yourself or you're going to get judged by quality people.
And you can say, well, I don't want to judge, but you can't stop other people from judging you.
I guess including your own conscience that I don't want to judge well maybe if you weren't so uncomfortable with judging your sister wouldn't have ended up as an exotic dancer maybe you're colluding maybe you're enabling.
[1:40:28] I'm scared of the anger that I will get in return because my life and my sister's life are so closely intertwined. I live with one of her best friends.
So you live with the best friend of the exotic dancer who is your sister.
So you're in that world too. Okay.
[1:40:50] The dislike of the word judge stemmed from pretentious hypocritical moralists I disliked. I'm not them though.
Yeah, don't judge, don't be judgy. Well, that's just people with a bad conscience.
You know, when people say to you, don't judge, when people say to you, don't judge, they're not talking to you, they're talking to their own conscience.
Please, please stop judging me. Please, please stop making me.
When you judge someone, you are allying with their conscience.
When you judge them rationally and morally and with some sympathy and empathy, you're allying with their conscience. They're not fighting you, they're fighting their own conscience.
So you can't fix them, you can't help them because they're fighting themselves, right?
No, I'm aware that he's a housemate. He's not living sexually with the woman. I get that.
Have we had a good show? Are we having a good show? Have we had a good show?
Have we, have we, have we?
Yeah, I gotta move out of this place with them.
Maybe your kink is thinking about strippers or thinking about friends of strippers.
I'm not talking about your sister, of course, right? But maybe this is a certain amount of sexual frisson for you being in this world, right?
Again, I'm not talking about your sister.
[1:42:16] Can't you say, this is not good for you, I don't think you should do this, and maybe suggest an alternative path?
[1:42:29] You can't communicate certainty if your life doesn't contain certainty.
She has to be certain that being an exotic dancer is a bad idea.
And if you're not certain, she's never going to be certain because she's getting paid.
You're not, right? If you're like, I want to judge, then she won't judge.
And you're just handing her off to the devil.
[1:43:08] The girl with the romance novel, just ask her. Just talk to her about it.
It's really interesting, you know? I mean, it's really interesting. Tell me, tell me.
And it's, you know, it's funny. Tell me why you like something.
It always sounds like, tell me, why on earth would you like this?
It sounds really critical, right?
Genuinely, I really want to know. Tell me what you're into about this kind of stuff, right?
Like in my early to mid-teens, all I read was fantasy novels.
Nobody ever asked me why.
I was always skeptical as a child to see how society turned judgment into a pejorative. Well, it's not a pejorative.
It's an attack weapon. Because, I mean, the left judges like crazy, right?
All these non-judgmental people, you see how they talk about those who oppose them politically.
They're incredibly raging and judgy and all that kind of stuff right so don't judge me is you disarm i'll keep my weapon thank you very much right of course right criminals always want their victims disarmed right so you don't judge but i'll judge i'll judge you i'll judge you for judging me right so if you come up with someone you say you have a judgment and then they get mad you say stop being judgy it's like well so you're judging me now for judging you so.
[1:44:30] How long has she been doing this for?
Your sister. How long has she been doing this for?
[1:44:47] Because there's a tipping point, right? There's a tipping point where recovery may be impossible.
Quite a few years. I think they can't hire before 18 or 19 maybe so a couple of years it may be too late, since 2021 three years give or take yeah it may be too late three years of being in that kind of world might be unrecoverable, because it's not just what she's done it's what but hasn't occurred, right?
Yeah. Don't be judgmental, you bigot. Okay.
Well, if you can't see that contradiction, I mean, not you, but if the person making that statement can't see that contradiction, I don't really even know what to say.
So if it's been a good show, if you haven't tipped, we've got a bunch of people watching, listening.
Of course, if you're 22 year olds have a malleable mind, I feel.
No, no women, uh, early twenties is their brain is development has stopped. so, I'm optimistic.
[1:46:09] You're optimistic okay well I mean I'm not going to interfere with your feelings but I'm not sure that there's rational evidence for that I mean things are getting worse and she's still not quitting so, if you're listening to this later freedommade.com slash donate if you're listening now and you haven't tipped come on working hard here working hard here thank you Rallon I appreciate that if there are any other last tips to come in it does help keep the show going and of course we have tripled our payroll in the last year and I think you can see the quality that's coming out of that the great stuff that's coming out of that, do you think doing OnlyFans would be psychologically better alternative for strippers because it's all online mine what so it's more easy to save and share that's your why why false dichotomy planet right the only options for young women are not stripping and only fans you're talking about she has a more normal boyfriend who grew up in the countryside should i talk to him thank you for the advice, talk to him i'm not sure what you mean your relationship is with your sister.
[1:47:29] You're in that world. You live with her best friend.
You're in that world. You can't find quality women in that world or within a thousand miles of it.
Thank you, says Jared. Thank you, everyone, keeping the lights on and the burger bowl full.
Very true. She doesn't have a normal boyfriend.
She doesn't have an... There's something called a nomotic, I think it is, which is a kind of psycho who's really good at pretending normalcy.
No, nobody who's that way has a...
[1:48:16] Fantastic show, Steph. No better way to spend my Sunday. Thank you.
I appreciate that. That's very, very kind.
She might listen to her boyfriend because she's closer to him. No, he's crazy too.
He's seriously disturbed too. I mean, I say that with great confidence.
He's seriously disturbed. Your girlfriend showing her tits and ass for money.
Come on. A more normal boyfriend than her 32-year-old lesbian liberal ex?
Yeah. Well, I mean, you've got to think about your own life and your own future, your own family, your own kids, your own future wife.
I mean, in this kind of world, there won't be anyone like that.
And the longer you're in this world the less chance you have of getting out. You understand?
The exit is poured concrete that hardens, The exit is poured concrete that hardens relatively quickly. Relatively quickly.
It's just like the end of every action movie or science fiction movie, crawl-based movie, where they kill the wizard and then the whole palace starts crumbling and they've got to run out and escape.
[1:49:25] It's a bad world, man. It's a bad world for virtue, stability, and safety. And safety.
And safety. Sometimes that's not an easy world to leave if you are making a lot of money for people. Not at all. No, sir.
All right, so it looks like we're done with the tips. I can kind of live with that.
So, freedemand.com. If you're listening to this later, let me throw up the promo code.
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[1:50:20] Alright, have yourselves a wonderful rest of the Sunday, and thank you for dropping by today.
Always a great pleasure to chat. Thank you for all of the great questions coming in at Freedomains.
Freedomain.locals.com and I will see you on on the Wednesday and a lots of cool stuff coming up and going on at the moment.
Got some pretty wild call-in shows to, uh, to come out and, they'll probably go out to donors first. So you probably should get that. All right. Thanks everyone.
A million and a half. Have yourself a glorious, glorious afternoon.
Lots of love from up here. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
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