Call In Shows

In this episode, I speak with a caller navigating feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in her early marriage due to her husband's tumultuous sexual history. We explore the impact of her Catholic upbringing, their rapid relationship progression, and how these factors contribute to emotional turmoil and intimacy issues.

I emphasize the importance of open communication and the potential need for couples counseling, despite her husband's resistance. The discussion highlights taking responsibility for one's feelings and creating healthier communication patterns. Ultimately, I guide her toward [...]

Hi Stef,

I called in ~6 months ago. I was not doing very well, with me losing my first employment and the "business" I was a part of not doing very well. You gave some direction about sticking with my at-the-time mentor to establish a new career, but I can say that when I called you was definitely not only a bad time, but also quite ineffective, given the stress and dissociation I had to maintain daily. I was focused entirely on the "how" in our previous conversation and was not seeking answers to pressing questions. The result was a likely frustrating and forgettable experience as I brought [...]

Dear Stef,

I need your help. I've been a long time listener and sought out therapy as soon as I turned 18. Between then and now I have made very limited progress chipping away at my armor and processing my childhood. I'm panicking at how long its taking when I want to cross the desert, meet a virtuous woman and maketh the babies.

I think biggest hurdle is that I'm quite split between my emotional and intellectual. I'm really strong on the intellectual side, identifying patterns, reasoning through healthy behavior, and making theoretical connections with my past. I've learned this alone [...]

In this conversation, Stefan discusses marital challenges with a caller and his wife, Alice, centered around parenting three young children. The couple struggles with disconnection and resentment, particularly concerning physical intimacy since the birth of their twins. Alice shares her anxiety stemming from a difficult upbringing, while the caller reflects on his father's emotional unavailability.

Stefan emphasizes the importance of addressing unresolved traumas, mutual respect, and open communication to meet each other's emotional needs. He offers actionable advice on establishing [...]

"I listen to you daily and have been for months now. Previously I had been an on-again, off-again frequent listener since I believe 2013 or so (started with YouTube then navigated to your website.) Your wisdom and insight is invaluable, and I have called in before now twice. I am now a subscriber and have donated before. Thank you so much.

"The reason I wish to call in this time is because my relationship with the mother of my 3 children has finally come to an end, I hope for good. That is the plan, anyway. The short version just for this synopsis is that we have been slowly drifting apart [...]

In this episode, I discuss Universally Preferable Behavior (UPB) with a caller looking to deepen their understanding of ethics. We define UPB as a systematic method for evaluating moral rules and explore its application through real-life scenarios, such as the ethics of assault. As we examine complex issues like fraud and societal responsibilities, we highlight how UPB addresses objections and reinforces the universality of truth. The conversation concludes with a focus on UPB's potential to reduce societal violence and its implications for parenting, encouraging listeners to reflect on the [...]

In this episode, we examine a caller's challenging journey through a tumultuous marriage marked by his wife's declining mental health and the complications of expanding their family. He reflects on red flags and chaotic incidents stemming from her struggles with emotional stability and substance use, leading to police involvement. The discussion highlights themes of accountability, self-awareness, and the importance of navigating relationships with clarity to protect their children from repeating past mistakes.

Topic : Dating crazy women.
Topic Detail: Hi Stef. Hope you’re well. Stef I keep dating crazy women and feeling intense pain for too long afterwards. I need your help please. Can we do a call in please. We’ve spoken once before.
Number of years as a listener: 10 years

My friend who listens to your show often recommended me to talk to you. I've seen videos and read your book. I am stuck on the treadmill of life. My wife got pregnant while we were 18 with my son. We got married and life has been hard ever since.
Early 30s, 5 ft 10, dark hair/eyes, fit lean build, young looking
TL;DR
I feel like a pathetic loser and single father. I know I'll be bitter forever but can't bring myself to finally leave her. None of my family/friends know other than 1 friend. Talked to lawyers. All of her friends/family/client's know. I see them and am ashamed. I have the lowest [...]

Topic : Examining how my life choices led to childless at 30
Topic Detail: I started listening to your show at age 20; I was already dead-set on my desire to get married and have children but my commitment to having kids was significantly amplified by listening to your show and becoming aware of the birth rate decline epidemic.
I was ideologically committed to the idea of having kids not only to carry on western values through my progeny but also as a part of my biological destiny; I considered my fertility to be a sacred gift that should not be wasted.
20 year old me would be absolutely [...]