A question I missed answering 26 Jun 2024…
"Hi Stef. wondering if you can give me some advice on how to deal with a situation. My younger brother is about to marry (next April) a giant red flag. 3 months into the relationship, my other siblings and I warned him to get out before it was too late. He didn’t, they moved in together and now have 3 dogs. Now my husband and I are trying to figure out how to tell him we won’t be attending the wedding and do not want to raise our kids around her, and therefore him by association.
"It will kill my mother with family functions etc."
0:00 - Introduction
1:07 - Concerns about Attending Wedding
4:00 - Analysis of Mother's Behavior
6:25 - Brother's Helplessness
8:10 - Strategy to Confront Mother
9:24 - Holding Mother Accountable
In this deep discussion, the speaker, Freedomain, delves into a listener's dilemma regarding a sibling's impending marriage to someone raising red flags. The speaker analyzes the situation, focusing not only on the brother but also on the overbearing influence of the mother figure in the family dynamic. The speaker suggests that the listener and their siblings confront the mother about the red flags they see in the relationship, emphasizing the mother's role in potentially stopping the marriage.
Delving into the complexities of familial dynamics, the speaker paints a vivid picture of a mother figure consumed by her own delusions and desires, potentially overshadowing the choices and autonomy of her children. The speaker emphasizes the need for the siblings to band together in confronting the mother and persuading her to intervene in the brother's relationship.
The speaker underscores the importance of addressing the root issue, which lies not solely with the brother but with the mother's overwhelming influence and potentially manipulative behavior. By encouraging the listener and their siblings to stand up to the mother and use her own influence against the brother's partner, the speaker provides a strategic approach to potentially deterring the marriage.
Throughout the discussion, the speaker reflects on the intricate dynamics of family relationships, highlighting the impact of parental influence and the challenges of asserting individual boundaries within familial structures. By offering advice on navigating this complex situation with empathy and assertion, the speaker guides the listener towards a proactive approach in addressing the concerns surrounding the impending marriage.
In conclusion, the speaker advises the listener to consider a strategic intervention involving the mother's influence to potentially prevent the brother from marrying someone who raises significant concerns within the family. By addressing the underlying dynamics at play and empowering the siblings to confront the mother together, the speaker offers a thoughtful perspective on navigating challenging family circumstances with sensitivity and assertiveness.
[0:00] Hey everybody, it's the time I'm only new from, Freedomain, hope you're doing well. So, yeah, it is Thursday, June 27th, 2024, 2.30am. I was like, having trouble sleeping, which is a little unusual. And then it suddenly struck me. Oh my gosh. I completely forgot to answer the question, from the caller tonight that I ragged on for the $1 donation, so... Or the $5 donation to save his mother. All right. So the question is, hi, Steph, wondering if you can give me some advice on how to deal with the situation. My younger brother is about to marry next April. A giant red flag three months into the relationship, my other siblings and I warned him to get out before it was too late. He didn't. They moved in together and now have three dogs. Now my husband and I are trying to figure out how to tell him we won't be attending the wedding and do not want to raise our kids around her and therefore him by association.
[1:04] It will kill my mother with family functions, etc.
[1:08] Now, I'm not quite sure what that means, it will kill my mother with family functions, etc.
[1:14] So, I just assume that this is going to be highly traumatic to your mother. So, who is the big block for you telling the truth in your family? This is not primarily about your brother, although, of course, he is the identified issue. But the real issue is that if it will kill your mother for you not to go to the wedding, then the problem is your mother is an angry delusionist, right? Somebody who prefers this sort of blotch to white thing. She prefers her own delusions to any actual basic facts. Acts and so she it sounds like your mother is very sort of keen for your brother to get married and he probably is just so emptied out by your mother's delusions and needs and greed for vanity and status and show and whatever that he probably is helpless before a manipulative woman because he was raised by a manipulative mother so the only person who can get if this analysis is true and I'm going a little bit off of Rosetta Stone here, but if this analysis is true, then there is but one person, and one person only, who is going to be able to stop your brother from getting married, and that is your muta, your mother.
[2:36] So you have to go and talk to your mother, and you have to tell your mother, you and your siblings have to all go, because except for the brother to marry, who's going to get married. You all have to go to your mother, and you have to sit her down, and you have to go in great detail over all of the red flags that you're seeing, so that your mother can release your brother from her delusions, her own delusions, right?
[3:05] Because you're focusing on the brother, but when you say, it will kill my mother, then I know this is, I mean, it's a kind of way of of speaking, but it's not an accidental way of speaking. So your mother will be destroyed by the truth and by virtue and by having standards and boundaries and morals. And so any kind of honesty and moral strength and so on is going to, in your view and in your mind, kill your mother.
[3:39] So this is an aggressive delusionist, somebody who seizes on to an idea or a thought. It becomes their entire personality. They bend everyone around them to their ferocious, witch-like will. And your sibling is in the belly of a devouring mother, right?
[4:00] To not put too fine a point in it. That's, of course, all my opinion. But your brother has been swallowed up by the delusions of a devouring mother, And a devouring mother is somebody who is willing to sacrifice everyone and everything for the sake of her own greed and need and preferences, right? So, a fairly typical example is the mother of a daughter, like there's just one child, it's a mother and a daughter, and the mother encourages the daughter to eat, discourages her from dating, discourages her, puts her in bad clothing and so on, to keep her unappealing to men so that the single mother won't lose her companion.
[4:44] And will have someone to pretend marry to. So it's the mother's needs are all that matter, and the needs of others be damned, literally be damned. This is the kind of estrogen hell that washes away the fragile sandcastles of many a personality in this world. And the same thing, of course, can happen with a single father and daughter. Daughter another common configuration is a single mother with a son and she kind of grooms the son to be a little lord fauntleroy pretend husband to her and she keeps inviting him over and cooks him meals and keeps him fat and and has just these bottomless needs that no one can survive not satisfying like psychologically sorry that's not a very good way of putting it it's kind of like Let me try that again. All right.
[5:35] So, the need is so great that to deny the need is perceived to destroy the personality. And what that means is it's the equivalent of the kid who, you know, tries to hold his breath until he turns blue to get what he wants and is threatening a kind of self-destruction in order to effect his will. well. It's a slow burn, slow motion menopause tantrum that goes on for about, I don't know, half a decade, half a century sometimes.
[6:07] So your mother can't be contradicted. Your mother escalates and becomes more and more aggressive. And there's no, that's the best way to put it, there's no slowdown, there's no mediation, there's no quarter given, no prisoners taken.
[6:25] Mistaken it is a hundred thousand percent ferocious maternal will now because again i'm based this off a fragment sentence here but because your mother has raised her children and this may be a little bit more true with regards to her sons than her daughters because your mother has raised her children, with this ferocious, psyche-destroying will, this delusory, illusory, vicious, viper-like will, your younger brother is helpless in the face of the same kind of woman. And the only person who can release him from the spell is his mother. And so the siblings, I mean, look, man, you're going to have to gird your loins, you're going to have to put on your suit of armor, you are going to have to stand tall and rescue from the devouring mother, you're going to have to rescue your brother.
[7:26] So you're going to have to go and confront your mother. I mean, this would be my recommendation, and it certainly sounds like you really care about your brother, which he's lucky to have, but you're going to have to confront the mother, and you're going to have to, like, you're going to have to harness the mother's will in the same way you sort of grab a weapon from an enemy. You're going to have to harness the mother's will and have the mother turn against the fiancé of, what is it, April. So yeah, you've got some time, but you need to do this now, right before this, which the sequel gets her hooks further deep into your brother. So your siblings are all going to have to sit and talk with your mother and say, you have to talk him out of this. You have to get him to stop this. You have to use your powers of persuasion, which I assume are pretty hysterical and persuasive.
[8:11] To rescue your son. Now, of course, the mother's not going to want to do this, because the mother has an ally in the daughter-in-law-to-be, right? She has a similar personality, so she's fighting against one of her own. It's like trying to get a vampire to feed on another vampire rather than a fleshy victim. But that's, in my view, that's the mechanics that have to occur. You're going to have to find a way to wield your mother's dominance and dedicated delusions. You're going to have to find a way to wield these weapons against your younger brother's girlfriend. Girlfriend and the mother is going to have to use her powers of persuasion to talk him out of it and then after you rescue him using your mother from his girlfriend you can then do stage two which is to rescue your brother and the rest of you from your mother but yeah that's the way that it has to work and of course if i mean your mother is probably a calculating kind of person right so So these people come in all kinds of strong, but they're not insane, right? They are... Ferocious in their delusions, but they're not insane in their calculations.
[9:25] So, if all of the siblings, I guess your younger brother accepted, if all of the siblings go to the mother and say, the price of continuing a relationship with us is you have to convince our younger brother to not marry this woman, right? Well, I can't do that. I can't do this. It's like, okay, well then, you know, we hold you accountable for why he's marrying this terrible of a woman because you had some real problems as a mother so part of the restitution for the problems you had as a mother is to rescue him and if you're not willing to do that peace out at least that would be my approach obviously i don't know exactly what you should do and this is a fragmentary a bit of response but that would be my suggestion on what to do so sorry for not answering it earlier i hope this helps i wish you the very best and of course if you and your siblings, if that helps, want to do a call-in, you can go to freedomain.com slash call-in and we can enjoy it out. We can talk it out. We can do this privately. If you want to pay, we can do it openly if you don't. And I hope that that helps. And thank you for the question. And I'm sorry that I neglected to get it after raking you a little over the calls. So I hope this helps and thanks a lot.
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