THE SLAVERY OF UNMET EXPECTATIONS! Transcript

Chapters

0:00 - Introduction
4:50 - Lack of Feedback
10:47 - Importance of Feedback
15:34 - Song Quiz
22:24 - Feedback as Criticism
26:00 - Manipulative Feedback
31:00 - Barrier to Feedback
35:52 - Defenses Against Feedback
40:27 - Community Distance
45:22 - Emotional Distance
46:24 - Mental Avoidance
49:05 - Purpose of Discussion
57:08 - Lack of Feedback
1:04:25 - Community Enthusiasm
1:11:29 - The Power of Childhood
1:38:47 - Misunderstanding Verbal Feedback
1:52:14 - Appreciating Courage and Integrity
2:07:23 - The Impact of Enthusiasm
2:28:42 - The Power of Generosity
2:34:14 - Self-Praise and Generosity Reflection

Long Summary

In this episode of our Friday Night Live, we embark on a rich journey covering various topics, starting with a poignant exploration of the value of freedom, leading us to an engaging song quiz. Amidst our discussions, we celebrate the completion of the Peaceful Parenting book, sharing the bittersweet emotions evoked by the accomplishment juxtaposed with the dearth of feedback from the community. We delve into the intricate psychology of feedback, unraveling the layers of positive reinforcement and examining the possible reasons behind the conspicuous absence of feedback. This prompts a profound dialogue on confidence, self-esteem, and the intricate dance of feedback in both personal and professional realms. We encourage our audience to ponder their own approach to giving praise and criticism as we navigate the profound impact of feedback on personal growth and self-perception.

As the conversation unfolds, I share personal anecdotes of receiving feedback on my works, particularly my books, and the delicate balancing act of community engagement versus focusing on larger projects. Despite expressing gratitude for received feedback, I candidly acknowledge the challenge of facing a scarcity of comments and critiques on my books. I shed light on the necessity of maintaining a mental distance from the community to sustain zeal for my projects like the Peaceful Parenting book. Emphasizing the value of structured philosophical works and interactive discussions with my audience, I candidly share the struggles stemming from the absence of constructive criticism and its ramifications on my creative process.

Further into the dialogue, we delve into the symbiosis between the host and the audience concerning feedback, particularly surrounding live streams and, notably, the Peaceful Parenting book. Expressing disappointment at the dearth of feedback despite a year-long endeavor on the Peaceful Parenting book and concerted efforts to engage the community, we hear diverse perspectives on feedback, the challenges of dispensing praise, and the complexities of utilizing platforms like Locals for content access. Underscoring the pivotal role of feedback in shaping content, we articulate the need for validation and support to fuel the creation of quality work. Our conversation meanders through personal encounters, the enduring impact of childhood experiences, and the profound influence of audience feedback on molding the creative process.

Delving deeper, I open up about the hurdles encountered in receiving feedback and accolades for my Peaceful Parenting book, expressing a genuine hunger for constructive criticism while underscoring the indispensable role of audience enthusiasm and support. I reflect on the vulnerability entwined with articulating needs and the labyrinth of feedback reception. Despite grappling with defenses and avoidance from certain quarters, I cherish the authentic feedback received, pondering the community's response to my work. The dialogue amplifies the quest for unfiltered feedback and the intricate dance of vulnerability and introspection inherent in creative pursuits.

In a subsequent segment, I underscore the significance of emotional sustenance and feedback from the community during the arduous journey of a challenging book project. Reflecting on the muted enthusiasm and verbal feedback received despite repeated pleas, I delve into the intricacies of extending the support one craves for themselves. I emphasize the primacy of emotional reinforcement over monetary contributions, advocating for unfeigned feedback and motivation. Drawing from personal trials, I implore the audience to contemplate the emotional ramifications of their actions, shining a light on the complexities of showing support and the profound implications thereof.

Concluding our conversation, I delve into the profound impact of generosity, praise, and self-worth on relationships and personal evolution. Reflecting on the transformative power of receiving recognition and backing, I underline the vitality of enthusiasm as a propellant force. I spotlight the challenges entwined with self-appreciation and the imperative of transcending an exploitative mindset through generosity. Central to our discourse is the cultivation of positive interactions and bonds within one's community, recognizing the potency of abundance over hierarchy. I advocate for transparent dialogue and introspection as indispensable tools for individual growth and forging authentic connections.

Transcript

[0:00] Introduction

[0:00] Good evening, good evening, welcome to your Friday Night Live. It is Stefan von Molyneux Head from the Domain of Freedom. Freedom, domain thing, free domain thing, man, free domain thing. Domain thing you gotta be looking for in this life. Got some good color today, Stef. No, I'm sorry, I have no color. I actually have all colors. They tell me I'm white, so I go with all color. All right. Five to one, baby, one in five. No one here comes out alive. You get yours, baby, I'll get mine. Gonna make it, baby, in our prime. Yeah, one to five, one in five. Well, of course, Jim Morrison was raped as a child, and given his predilection for anal sex, I'm pretty sure we know what was going on. Ahoy there, Rumble Chat. Hello, hello, on the various platforms. A song quiz. Oh, yeah, you know, that's too easy. That's too easy. A song quiz. I'm getting hungry. Peel me a grape. Anybody?

[1:19] Anybody? Who's the person who made that song famous? Famous. Who is the person who made that song famous?

[1:36] And bonuses, bonuses for knowing when it was written. It's actually a very, very funny song.

[1:50] It's a very funny song and has been covered by about six million different people. What have we got? Peel me a grape, crush me some ice, skin me a peach, save the fuss for my pillow. Talk to me nice, talk to me nice, you've got to wine me and dine me. Don't try to fool me, bejewel me, either amuse me or lose me. I'm getting hungry Peel me a grape, Pop me a cork French me a fry Crack me a nut Bring me the bowl full of bonbons, Chill me some wine Keep standing by I'm getting hungry Peel me a grape It's a very funny song. Yeah, Diana Krall, that's right. It was 1962, I think it was. 1962. You should go listen to Diana Krall. It's got a great version. Great version of that, and well worth well worth checking out the song's so old it's so old it's almost old enough to show up in the Fallout show.

[3:07] Alright Jared sent me a message but apparently it's not because I've got asparagus coming out of my nose so that's good she's got a great song My love, my love is a mountainside. It's really good. My love is Diana Krall. It's great. The bass line in that is just slappin', man. Just slappin'. Somebody says, one of my favorite artists is Sleep Token out of the UK. You said you love vocals. This dude's got some of the best vocals I've ever heard in my life. Well, until tonight, of course. Until tonight. My love is longer than forever and endless as the laws of time. Yeah, great song. All right, I will check them. Thank you, I will take a note of that. Questions, comments, issues, challenges, problems. Start my philosophy rolling. Thank you very much. You can, of course, support the show at freedomain.com forward slash donate. That's freedomain.com forward slash donate. So it's been both a very big week for me and a very tragic week for me. Do you want to hear the big or do you want to hear the tragic? B or T? B or T?

[4:24] B or T? The big news or the tragic news? What do you want? I'm here to serve you, suck a toe or two. Oh, looks like we're evenly mixed. Evenly mixed and matched.

[4:44] Uh, somebody says, Oh, thank you for the tip. Steph took your advice and stopped wasting my time smoking weed and playing video games.

[4:50] Lack of Feedback

[4:51] Now I use that time to work on music and feel much better mentally and emotionally. Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate that. First time watching live, been listening for six years straight. I hope thank you for helping change my family's life. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. All right. So the fantastic news is, uh, I finished the reading of the peaceful parenting book. I'm now just tidying up some of the references and bibliography and footnotes and all that kind of stuff. So I finished the Peaceful Parenting book, which low listeners have been desperate to have me write for many, many, many years. It is, in fact, my third time writing it. So I finished, obviously finished the book, finished the first proofread, second proofread, finished the final proofread, which is the audiobook. And now Jared just needs to do the cover design. Jared is going to be surprised that he hasn't done the cover design because I haven't asked him to. Jared, I'd really like you to do the cover design. Thank you, Peaceful Parenting. So that's the great news. The Peaceful Parenting book is done.

[5:54] And that's very exciting to me. The bad news is, or the tragic news is, nobody seems to care. I've got to be straight up with you guys. Nobody seems to care. here. I've had, I think precisely, precisely two or three messages about the Peaceful Parenting book. Now, maybe the book's bad. Maybe the book doesn't work. Maybe my reading is bad. Maybe it's not grabbing to people. Maybe it's not gripping to people, but it's just wild to me because, you know, we've got a fairly involved community here and launching the book into a void is always quite a disappointment to me. Honestly, I love you guys, but you have the feedback back capacity of your average interstellar void, because, um, I know that there's a whole bunch of people because it's been out for donors for, uh, over the last sort of two months that I've been doing the audio book is the audio books, a lot of work, a lot of, pronunciations, a lot of technical terms and some passion, right?

[6:52] So, the funny thing for me is that the book's been sort of rolling out to people, and I've gotten virtually no feedback on it. Now, I'm not the neediest guy in the known universe. I'm not like, oh, God, I'm not kidding. I know it's an important book. I know it's great. I know I absolutely, completely, and totally poured heart, mind, and soul into this book. And it's the book that's taken me the longest to write for sure because it's you know it's divided into three sections theory practice and proof so the theory is the moral arguments the practice is how to implement it and the proof is all the reasons why you should.

[7:28] And so i know that there's a fairly significant number of people who've listened to or read the book and it's it's a challenge i'll be honest with you as as a writer and of course you know It's kind of my life's work, and as someone who's really passionate about it, nobody owes me any feedback, I get that. But I've got to tell you, it's mildly unsettling. Mildly unsettling. And I don't have any particular answers. I mean, getting feedback now isn't particularly helpful, because the book is done. I'm not going to go and read it. I mean, I guess I could add something to the audiobook, but I'm not going to go back and edit the audiobook. Book so the book is in sort of its final final state and uh i hope it's i hope it's good um i i think it's good but of course fundamentally it's not my judgment that matters but it is you know when people have um asked me for uh this book for years uh i you know really poor hearts and soul and and huge amount of money like i mean paying for the research jared did a fantastic job, And it's, honestly, it's a little unsettling. Just a little bit. I'm not, like, freaking out. I'm not losing sleep or whatever it is. But it's just like, okay, so everybody wanted this book. I pulled this book out over the last couple of months. Probably I've gotten...

[8:55] Hmm, maybe probably over the last couple of months that I've been rolling the book out and the book is out both in audio book and in text format, freedomain.locals.com, subscribestar.com slash freedomain. And the book is out in text and audio book format. And I've maybe gotten 10 pieces of feedback. Maybe, maybe 10 pieces of feedback.

[9:27] So it is interesting, at least so what are people saying it might be the extended rollout rather than all at once no no i don't think that's it no that's like saying that uh well nobody had any opinions on the fellowship of the ring because the return of the king hadn't come out, uh i haven't messed with the peaceful parenting book because i wanted to wait until it was complete. I'm already sold as a peaceful parent thanks to you.

[9:59] Sorry, I don't quite understand. The book is not for peaceful parents. There's no diet books for thin people, right? The book is not for peaceful parents, right? The book is to give you the arguments to bring peaceful parenting to the world or as a resource that you can provide to other people. Somebody says, I haven't finished the last section yet, but I will this weekend and I will be having a month off work in the near the future and we listen re-listen to it and give it a full review promise well i'm not looking for a full review yeah i'm not on a i'm not looking for a full review i mean that's fine if you want but uh it's on my list to read lol just rereading just poor and the present just my opinion is that this book will be your greatest work but it is already out was waiting for completion will finish listening to it and then go over it as a whole i really appreciate it and found the first like two-thirds to be good.

[10:47] Importance of Feedback

[10:47] Oh, you were waiting for completion. You were waiting for the completion of the book to give me feedback.

[10:57] Yeah. Interesting. I mean, if you had started listening to it while I was recording it and gave me feedback as I was going, it might've changed how things would have gone a little further down, but so it's just, and this is, this is nothing personal to you guys. It is um it is a common feature of this community as a whole and you know i have to, survive on extremely scant feedback as a whole i mean unless i do something wrong in which case in which case i i i actually get some feedback i get some feedback you know i mean i've gotten to be frank i've gotten infinitely more feedback on my decision not to return to twitter unless as certain conditions are met than in completing the entire peaceful parenting book. Somebody says, I started listening to the parent peaceful parenting book, but didn't go get through chapter four. You produce too much amazing content and I'm giving priority to these live streams, for example. Okay. So you got through chapter four. I guess I'm just, uh, it was good. I didn't have any criticism.

[12:16] So you only give feedback if it's negative. It might help to consolidate all of it in one peaceful parenting complete. So no feedback means the book is amazing. No, LOL. I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's something that has been the case with this community from the very beginning.

[12:45] Uh somebody says oh andrew i haven't been able to catch a stream live in a while i donated on your website a few days ago but i wasn't able to leave a comment so i wanted to say keep up the good work yeah yeah it's it's just it's a funny aspect i don't know if this is true of other communities i don't think so uh when i was in the artistic community feedback was very, intense and usually i mean always helpful sometimes negative but feedback was quite intense tense. When I was in academia, feedback was continual and quite intense. In the business world, feedback was continual, intense, and great. And in the world of free domain, in the world of free domain, there's almost nothing. And, you know, again, nobody's obligated. It's not an obligation. There's nothing wrong with not giving me any feedback and all of that. That I'm just saying it's a little unsettling. You know, I mean, Steph, you've got to write the peaceful parenting book. You've got to write the peaceful parenting book. And I launch it into a void. And I don't, it's not a criticism at all. I'm just telling you my experience of being a little bit at the hub of this community that like even the comments, there's almost no comments under anything that's been published. I think people here totally agree with the message. and so aren't looking to criticize it. But why would the feedback have to be critical?

[14:12] So if you love it, you say nothing.

[14:19] That's interesting to me. Maybe y'all live with the no news is good news, or if you don't, I don't know, if you don't, the only thing you'd ever say is negative, or maybe you live in this environment where you don't get any encouragement, or maybe you think that I'm such a self-complete monster, of confidence that I don't need any feedback or something like that.

[14:51] Somebody says when you mentioned you were making the peaceful parenting book i was so happy about it and donated a decent chunk of cash on top of my two subscriptions thank you and i appreciate that i look forward to reading the whole thing but i also know it scares me a little bit, people are not used to being asked to give feedback but why do i need to ask.

[15:11] I mean why do i need i'm not asking for feedback now i'm just pointing out that there's something very interesting in the community. It's not to do with my book. It's not to do with peaceful parenting. You know, it's something very interesting. We have high ACE scores. I mean, not everyone, not everyone has high ACE scores.

[15:34] Song Quiz

[15:34] I've read almost and the present and both books are great. We'll read the peaceful parenting book. Well, I've noticed that as well, right? I almost was my, I mean, I, years and years ago, I put out, um, just poor and I put out, The God of Atheists, and then almost just like this, what, 24-hour or 26-hour, 28-hour audio book, and I get almost no feedback on that. And I get almost no feedback on my novel, The Present or The Future. I get almost no feedback on anything, and I appreciate what people are saying. I'm not looking for feedback now. Now, what I'm more interested in exploring is, with y'all, is why the absence of feedback?

[16:22] Like, why the absence of feedback? What is hard about saying, I mean, the book, I think the book is great. Honestly, I wouldn't have, you know, it's gone through a whole bunch of people privately that I know. And some of the feedback I've got has been absolutely fantastic, both positive and, you know, some suggestions. But what's interesting to me is, do you have, and this is to the people listening and watching, and again, nothing to do with me fundamentally, but as a whole, do you think, do you have trouble with attaboys? Do you have attaboys? Do you have a tough time with saying to someone great job, That's interesting to me. I find that very interesting. Steph has asked for feedback on everything since forever, including countless surveys. Yeah, for sure, for sure. People have trouble reading these days in terms of getting through large books, and I think people were waiting to know it was done. I speak for myself, but I already agree with peaceful parenting and was waiting for the entire book to be out.

[17:48] Um, yeah. Do you, do you have trouble giving people attaboys? Um, saying to people, you know, you did a great job. Uh, well done. Uh, good job. you know i mean i've i've burned a lot of my reputation up in sort of pursuit of peaceful parenting and things like that it's been you know very contentious very problematic myself i have no issue with saying good job.

[18:31] So then i and so people seem to be saying that they're fine to say, good job. So let me ask you this then. And again, totally open question. I'm really interested to explore this if you find it interesting. Do you think that I don't need any attaboys? Do you think that I am so, oh yeah, somebody says, I think I have a tendency to view you as a guru, like you don't need my well done because you're already confident and proud of your work. He says somebody says no problem with attaboys when they're actually did a good job or showing some progressive improvement right so do you think somebody says i go out of my way to tell people great job especially when it's a business success because i know most around them are likely acting jealously i think i did something bad to earn the success so that's interesting i think people do see you as a superior kind of figure in that way now see that's not the problem.

[19:33] Problem. The problem is not that you view me as superior, whatever that might mean, and I don't like that in particular, but whatever, right? The problem is not that you view me as superior, if that's the case, right? What's the problem with that mindset? Not that you look up to me, but what is the problem with that mindset? Steph doesn't need encouragement. Steph doesn't need feedback, stuff doesn't mean need like, wow, you really, you really distilled the essence of your completely violent and screwed up childhood and produce something beautiful for the future. Like something like that, right?

[20:10] It's not that you look up to me and think I don't need positive feedback and that I'm above it or I'm completely self-sufficient. The problem is not that you look up at me. The problem is you look down on yourself. Yeah, that's right. You look down on yourselves and your abilities. Do you understand that saying to me, good job, is an act of confidence on your part? It isolates you. I think a little bit because you view yourself as defective because you say, I mean, we all say this, right? You say, I need positive feedback. I need attaboys. I need encouragement, but Steph is a superhuman who doesn't. So you distance yourself from me. You distance yourself from what you're capable of and you distance yourself from a sense of equality. quality.

[21:07] That's my concern, that the lack of feedback is elevating me, which is in fact putting yourself down. Well, I need positive feedback, but Steph doesn't. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I'm human like you. I like positive feedback and... Or negative feedback too, right? It's the void that's the problem. I don't, honestly, in terms of messages and feedback, there's been practically no difference between writing this book and not writing this book.

[21:46] Somebody says, I think my primary challenge in adding feedback is that I want it to be of use, of benefit. So this raises the stakes and makes adding feedback that can mean something of worth to you. Yes, I'm with the confidence. You want to be of use, of benefit.

[22:07] I think I would have given more feedback if you had released first draft text before doing the audio, because once you did the audio, that part felt done, so I felt like feedback was already too late on what I heard. So feedback is only, Steph, you have to change things.

[22:24] Feedback as Criticism

[22:25] Right? So you're saying that unless there's something that needs to be fixed, you can't give any praise. So then the only communication you have is negative. Right?

[22:46] Yes, it has come to my mind that Steph doesn't need my feedback, so I haven't prioritized giving feedback. Maybe subconscious leveling is going on. I don't know what that means. It's true. I don't view myself as being able to do things as great as you. I don't know. You're missing a sentence. I'm missing something there. You know, it's funny. I remember many years ago, in the making of Aerosmith's greatest album called Pump, Steve Tyler, Steve Tyler, Steve Tyler, the singer, he's like begging the producer for feedback is it good? Do you think it's good? I mean this is a massively successful rock band right? Yes you are a human but a human who created UPB I didn't see my feedback as important while you were working on Peaceful Parent I'm being honest, could it be that a lot of us just have such a deficit of experience in the parenting that we read your work and think okay then I'll do that I don't know what you mean, oh it's true true. I don't view myself as being able to do things as great as you. So how does that relate to me? Not like, not, not, not needing feedback and not getting feedback or, you know, I mean, it's interesting.

[24:04] Having mentality feedback only ever means something is bad. I have that mentality a lot. Didn't notice it till now. I mean, this is why I think it's an interesting conversation. And again, none of this is critical or anything like that. But I think that's really interesting.

[24:20] Because, I mean, a lot of people have listened to this book and almost no one has given me any feedback at all. It's probably 0.01%. Any feedback. Somebody says it's interesting because the same argument is made with my boss at work. My wage should be adequate feedback enough. I strive off of feedback and only get a morsel of feedback during my yearly performance review. Right. Oh, yeah, you should see the amount of feedback. Yeah, you should see the amount of feedback when I took the part of my autobiography and ran it through AI. I got a lot of feedback. A lot of feedback on that. Oh, the AI is barren. Oh, the AI is good. Oh, I think this about the AI. Oh, the pauses are on. Oh, it sounds a little Australian. Oh, like feedback, feedback, feedback. Distill my entire life's work into pretty much the most powerful parenting book ever written. And it's like nothing, nothing.

[25:25] I personally haven't looked into your parenting book yet, because I'm not even dating right now, so I don't feel like I need to think about parenting until that is on the horizon. What are you talking about? Don't you know any parents? Do you know no parents? Do you know no one who might be able to improve with some parenting? I probably would have given positive feedback on the parts I liked to make, I liked to make sure you didn't change those parts or emphasize them. I probably would have given positive feedback on the parts I liked.

[26:00] Manipulative Feedback

[26:00] Oh, so as a manipulative thing, as opposed to just like, wow, great book, or, you know, really passionate, or, you know, you really put heart, mind, and soul into this, or great arguments, or this really encapsulates things, or this is easy to understand, or, you know, anything, anything. The Peaceful Parenting book isn't about you being a parent. I mean, that's great. Are you telling me you don't know any parents? My comment in response to the persons who said they're boss said the money is feedback. Okay, that's something else.

[26:39] I have to, in my mind, just tell you what my perception is, I have to avoid in my mind this aspect of the community.

[26:51] Also, I was giving you praise for your work in the comments when I started joining the live streams, but it seems you didn't care about being praised. What are you talking about? I didn't care about being praised? People say, you know, great job with the last podcast. I say, oh, well, thank you very much. I mean, when have I ever said, oh, I don't care to be praised. I don't care about praise. Don't praise me. Like, when have I ever said that?

[27:15] Steph, I do have difficulty giving feedback, negative slash positive, and not just here either. Sometimes I write comments on your content, but actually sending them is like pulling teeth from me. I don't know why sending feedback strikes me such a nerve for me. So what I have to do is I have to retreat from the community in my mind. Because putting the work out, if I'm putting the work out to donors, right? And a lot of people have listened to it. And so I have to avoid the community in my mind. I have to mentally distance myself from the community in order to maintain my own enthusiasm. Because if I said, you know, I just poured heart, mind, and soul for, I've been working on this book since like last summer. It's been a crazy long time that I've been working on this book and it's been a lot of work. Could it be the peaceful parenting book would create blowback so people don't want to touch it? No, that's not it, Joe. As I've been saying, a lot of people have listened to it. So what I have to do in my mind is I have to mentally distance myself from the community I have to pretend that the community doesn't exist in order to maintain my enthusiasm for moving forward with the book I'm just telling you like I have to distance myself, you just read the praise comment and just moved on without saying anything about it.

[28:29] So I read a praised comment, and I didn't even say thank you? That seems like, like you said, oh, great job, and this and that, and I just said, I didn't say thanks, or, that seems odd. I mean, maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

[28:43] But you see, isn't it a form of honesty, if you think something is good, to say to the person who created it, that was good? It well okay so let's say i blew past your comment but you've heard about a thousand times me say thank you thank you thank you to people who give me some praise so maybe for whatever reason some other comment came up something i had gas i mean so you've heard me a million times say right i've never seen that stuff let's see here um i've never seen that stuff like you said you always at a minimum say thank you for that usually it's more appreciative than a simple thanks i think so right, I mean, I say thanks for the tip. Do you see if thanks for the tip every time, right? Could it be that a lot of people view giving feedback as a form of judgment, and while at the same very few people have experienced constructive feedback in their lives? I don't think people saw it as a whole yet, so it felt like catching parts of something. Oh my God. You guys are driving me a little crazy here. This is kind of annoying. You're making up a whole bunch of excuses. The book is done. The book has been done for a couple of days, and a bunch of people have listened to it all the way through. So, while we're waiting until it's complete, it is complete, I just said that at the very beginning of this thing, sorry, just a little annoying to have to keep repeating this stuff. The book is complete. So, if people, all these people are waiting until it's complete, well, the book has been complete for a couple of days.

[30:09] All right. How many of us are long-time listeners? More than eight years. For me, the peaceful parenting is long learned. I would like to go to new philosophy. Is peaceful parenting a concentration of all the work you did before? Then it is not for me.

[30:25] Aye, aye, aye. What about what's good for the world? Well, I'm not a parent yet, and I already know. You don't know all of peaceful parenting. You don't. Because there's a massive amount of new stuff in the book. So how can you judge whether you know what's in the peaceful parenting book, because I've talked about it before, when you haven't read it? You don't know what's in there. You don't know all of the empirical, scientific, and biological proof about the effects of child abuse that we've pulled together in this book. You don't know. And the book is not just for you.

[31:00] Barrier to Feedback

[31:01] Oh my gosh. Do you have a theory as to why? I don't know, but I'm hitting some very interesting defenses here. I mean, I think they're interesting. And I personally think it's a very interesting topic. I think it's a marketing thing. A marketing thing? A marketing thing? No, I think it's an honesty thing, isn't it? Like if you think something's really good and somebody's really worked hard to produce it, wouldn't you say that's really good? Wouldn't you?

[31:46] I mean, if a friend of yours released an album, and we're pretty personal here, right? This is not me at the European Union or a stadium in Australia. Mine's pretty personal. So if a friend of yours was releasing an album, wouldn't you give him some feedback? And he was like, oh, here's the album. I mean, we're pretty close here, wouldn't we? I mean, you know a lot about me. I've talked about my life for like 18 years. If Jared could please make a post of all the sources for the Peaceful Parenting book, I'd be most grateful. The hell are you doing? We're not talking about that. Yes yes what i'm talking about is your personal need for a bibliography, oh my god tangent much concentration much uh i agree this is very interesting also looking at my own thoughts and feelings regarding the topic and my reactions to this book, yeah i i have to pretend y'all don't exist in order to continue with the book, I honestly that's my I have to yes personally I personally listened to the first one so far and liked it yesterday or the day before or so, right right interesting right.

[33:10] So, why? I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Because I'm rapidly enthusiastic about things, and when someone has done something that I think is great, I'm just going to tell them. I'm not only going to tell them I'm going to tell them while jumping up and down with excitement, I'm just going to be like wow this is incredible oh my god what you've done so it's pretty wild right like the dead zone that's out there in this community regarding enthusiasm is really interesting, and again I say this without judgment without criticism without hostility I'm just saying is really interesting to me because I think it might be a block. It might be a block. It might be a barrier for people.

[34:11] Hello, Nan-co.

[34:17] Ah, let's see here. I'm training someone at work who's really sensitive. It's hard to give criticism in a way I have to emotionally manipulate him by babying him. Yeah. Hi. Probably nobody wants to be savaged by Steph's scorn if he finds the feedback lacking in some way. How dare you inform me landmines don't work that way. Steph wants literally. Nobody wants to be savaged by Steph's scorn if he finds the feedback lacking in some way. So, you're frightened of me being a bully, is that right? It's very funny. That's very funny. So, um, no, that's not it. How dare you inform me landmines don't work that way. I have no idea what that means. I have no idea what that means. Uh, so somebody says as an artist, I get it. Honest feedback is pretty important and can be extremely useful. I've taken some people's feedback on my songs and made better versions that I end up being much happier with. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm an abusive guy and I just randomly scorn people and attack them for no reason, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, that's just a made-up bunch of nonsense.

[35:43] I'm sorry, Steph, do you mean a block for feedback or block for peaceful parenting? I don't know what that means.

[35:52] Defenses Against Feedback

[35:53] Uh, let's see here. Maybe they don't give feedback because of their defenses, namely their inner parents. Well, that doesn't answer anything. Well, why do people have a barrier to giving feedback? Well, they have a barrier called defenses. Well, what does that mean? I don't know. Um, let's see here. It reminds me of my IT days as someone. I was a very good tech and very good with people. My dispatch told me that I received no normal complaints. Either customers called in saying I was the best thing since sliced bread or there was a devil incarnate. Maybe it's similar with you. No, I don't get any feedback, really. I see you as an older, more experienced and wiser uncle. You have such a high status that I hesitate to give you feedback because I would give you feedback if I could compete with you on philosophy, which is not the case. But, a big but, I understand your point and it's good that you called it out. From now on, I will give feedback, not only to you, but also in other parts of my life. So, I don't like the idea that you guys think that I'm, what, but so superhuman and all-powerful that I just, there's nothing you can contribute and there's no feedback that you can give me. That's terrible. I'm sorry, like, how dare you think of yourself as that low? How dare you think of yourself as that inconsequential? How dare you hide the light of your brilliance under a bushel and not give me some feedback? That's disrespectful to your potential.

[37:18] Is it because the Peaceful Parenting book is non-fiction and your other books are fiction. Maybe it's too real? Hmm. I mean, I've got a whole bunch of non-fiction books, though.

[37:36] Hmm. Let's see here. It's not just this community. How many people actually fill out the review section on the end of a receipt. But that's anonymous stuff, right? You're an intellectual and emotional giant. It's not that we're so small. You're a huge outlier in prolific production and quality and value. But here's the thing, man. If you say, oh, Steph, you're an intellectual and emotional giant, I mean, again, that's kind, but why diminish yourself that way? Steph, Matt McKinley did a similar book release on YouTube, and he did get comments all the way along, so it's worth inquiring. So, here's the thing. I was getting... I haven't checked it in a while, but certainly back in my heyday, 150,000 books of mine were being read a month. Who here would give Elon Musk feedback directly to his face?

[38:54] Steph, you're full armor diving, suiting into the depths of philosophy while most of us are still snorkeling. Yeah, I mean, this is all interesting and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but I'm not Elon Musk. This is a community, right? Somebody says, I'm finally getting towards giving you some extra support dollars. I feel bad praising your work without also giving tangible dollars with it because it's that good. I appreciate that. That's very kind, but I'm still quite interested in this question. I don't want what I do to make you guys feel small. I want you to feel like you participate. Why do you think I do live streams? Live streams is me bouncing off what you guys are asking and talking about. If I didn't think you had value, why would I do live streams as my most common shows? Live streams or what else? Call-in shows, right? I did like two call-in shows, like almost six hours yesterday. So if you feel unimportant, you have to answer why I do live streams. Why do I get shows directly off your questions and comments?

[40:02] It's, I mean, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's a painful thing to me because I have to, I have to do an eclipse, right? And, and it's a bit jarring for me. So I do the live streams because you guys have great comments and questions, really stimulate a lot of thought in me, you know, in the freedomain.locals.com. I regularly ask for questions and get great shows out of it. So I view us as a team. I view us as a team.

[40:27] Community Distance

[40:27] And you know maybe i'm a good batter but you guys pitched some great shots right, so i have to open my heart to the community when it comes to getting input to stimulate what i do which i appreciate and love you guys for and then when it comes to something like a book i have to completely eclipse the community in my mind and heart because otherwise wise, I would lack motivation to continue. Straight up, right? I would lack motivation to continue. Because if I were to plan my work according to feedback, I never would have written the peaceful parenting book. Right? I can't even tell you how many hours it's been.

[41:18] If I had to add them up, I can't even tell you how many hours it's been, which is opportunity cost for doing other stuff, right? And maybe I'm fully open to the argument that the Peaceful Parenting book was a huge error, right? I mean, that could absolutely be the case. But if I were to try to guide what I do.

[41:45] If I were to guide what I do based upon the feedback from the community, I would say that the peaceful parenting book and my novels as a whole were bad ideas, right? And maybe they were. I mean, I'm totally open to that possibility.

[42:08] But that's important, right? So let's see here. It's not really that I'm underestimating my philosophical strength. It's just you are a few steps ahead. In other spaces, I would kick Irish-German your ass, I swear. I think people feel they grasp the subject matter already, but that doesn't explain views without comments. I come here to get wisdom from you, which means that you have the wisdom and I don't, so that may be why I view you as my superior. Okay. Was it like that with other books for you? I love your books. Oh, yeah. I mean, the books are all a complete disaster when it comes to feedback. Yeah. Except for maybe when UPB came out, that kicked up a lot of debate. But yeah, it's wild. The books sail into a void. I mean, when I wrote Essential Philosophy a couple of years ago, I tackled the three biggest issues, right? The simulation theory free will versus determinism and secular ethics like ethics without gods for government uh it was an to me an incredible book really compressed really entertaining i did a whole bunch of socratic dialogues at the end i absolutely loved that book i honestly don't think i got a single piece of feedback on that book like i can't think of one.

[43:29] And your anarchy books. I mean, it's not new, but no one mentions how good they are. Yeah, for sure. This is all really interesting, Steph. Thank you so much for pointing out my own lack of enthusiasm for you and this community to me. Right. And again, it could be entirely the case, but people, Jared, is that right? When people give feedback, they do like the books. People don't read a lot, and a large project is intimidating without a lot of structure in the book's delivery. And that's just a word salad. The book is not really available to read. I guess you could read it on the Locals app. And Essential Philosophy was great. I've listened to it five times in a row. Right, right, I think it was great. I mean, in a short, concise, easily accessible book, I tackled the three biggest problems in philosophy.

[44:22] Including Socratic dialogues and the whole thing. And I can't think of a single piece of feedback I ever got from that book. like not one, yeah essentialphilosophy.com if you want to get the book and all of that yeah it's wild it's wild, so I have to both be close to and very distant from this community so when I'm directly interacting and I'm getting feedback I have to be very close to this community but when I have a larger project I have to emotionally completely distance myself from this community I mean just again this is not a criticism I'm just telling you what is necessary for me to do any larger work. And I do think it's important for me to have structured philosophical books. I think essential parenting is very, very important. And in order to have any kind of enthusiasm for doing the larger works, I have to completely pretend that this community doesn't exist.

[45:22] Emotional Distance

[45:23] Like, I'm sorry, like, I'm just being honest about how I have to work in my head with this. And, again, I mean, that could be because they're bad ideas. It could be that, but people, I don't know, they seem to be quite enthusiastic about the books. I mean, again, 100,000, 150,000 downloads a month is quite a lot. I mean, that's massive. And nothing.

[45:50] It's my most recommended book on philosophy. It's a better introduction than UPB. Yeah, it is a better introduction than UPB for sure, because I had like 15 years to condense UPB into something better explained and more accessible.

[46:05] So that's interesting, right? So yeah, for me, in order to get anything done, I have to rely on people in my life for feedback. I have to pretend this community doesn't exist. I literally have to mentally avoid, and I guess I got tired of avoiding it, if that makes any sense.

[46:24] Mental Avoidance

[46:24] I got tired of avoiding it, and I wanted to talk about it directly because I think it's interesting, but in order to get anything done of substance, length, and depth, I have to pretend that you guys don't exist because knowing that you do exist and how many people are reading the books and the lack of feedback is depressing honestly like I in order to get things done I have to pretend that you don't exist and that's a weird state of mind to be in isn't it I think it is it's a weird state of mind for me to be in and I guess I got a little tired of it because it just feels kind of odd you know I love you guys you're so great I have to but But in order to get anything done, I have to pretend that you don't exist because I get absolutely zero feedback or praise or enthusiasm or anything like that, right? Somebody says, your books are usually the most influential to me. I was just thinking yesterday how much I loved The Future. The more time goes on, the more I appreciate that novel. It's aging in my mind like a fine wine. I'm sure the answer exists in me somewhere, but I'm drawing a blank in the moment as to why I don't mention how much I like them more often. Yeah. Isn't it wild? Isn't it wild?

[47:34] I mean it's kind of funny maybe it's a more new thing so it's kind of funny because, I've heard similar things from writers a lot of writers get a lot of praise a lot of writers get a lot of praise now I mean if nobody cared about my books I would understand that then the books would be a bad idea but again, 150 100 to 150,000 downloads a month at times that's a massive amount of consumption, That's a massive amount of consumption.

[48:09] And it's, it's different. See, normally what happens with a writer sort of back in the day is you would write a book, you'd get an agent, the agent would sell it to a publisher, the publisher would publish it, you get reviews and, you know, you could see book sales and all of that. But the process of creation was independent of the response. You didn't put out drafts. You didn't, I mean, I guess sometimes way back in the day, uh, like Dickens would put his books out chapter by chapter, like in magazines, right? So the act of collaborative creation, in a sense, which is what this is. Somebody says, it's not just, and it's just the books too. I find I can give my thoughts on most of your other content. Maybe the AI being a difference, right? I haven't used it much. Thank you for this. And I'll try to give you more feedback. Giving feedback is also a great way to internalize and digest your message.

[49:05] Purpose of Discussion

[49:05] I appreciate that. And, you know, my purpose in the conversation here is not to solicit more feedback, because that would be to not understand the symptom of what's going on, right?

[49:20] And, of course, I used to get more feedback when I was bigger, right? When we had more of an audience and I had like close to 2 million followers on various social media platforms. forms. So I used to get more feedback, but again, it was never on the books and almost never on the larger projects as a whole, like the documentaries and so on, right? The books are a niche idea for a niche part of the community. When you put more work into the books and less into the live work, I have, I like having dialogue and bits from your books in the stream.

[49:58] Live streams. Okay. I think I followed that, but I don't know if English is your first language. Maybe that's why you don't read the books. But they're not a niche idea for the niche part of the community, because again, 100,000, 150,000 downloads a month. A month! More than, that's close to, what, two million books a year? That's a lot. I know, it's less now than it used to be, but, you know, it's not tiny. So, yeah, I do find it really interesting. And I guess I got a little tired of the schizophrenia of really loving this community. And maybe no feedback is good feedback. Well, that's interesting. So no feedback is good feedback. So when I was in my mid-teens, gosh, when did this book come out? By Judy Blume.

[51:06] Late 70s? 1978. So there was a 1978 novel. I get published in 1978. Called Wifey. And it was, you know, general feminist trash and so on. And it was salacious. I think there was a picture of cleavage on the cover or something like that. Anyway, I got it out of the library and I read it and I was really struck by it in some ways. I thought it was quite powerful in a way. And I'll tell you a speech that the husband gave to the wife. Shep was his his name? Something like that. Anyway, so what the husband said to the wife was he said, look, it's our marriage day. It's our wedding day. And look, I'm going to tell you that I love you in the vows. And I'm getting married to you and I'm going to stay married to you. So you know that I love you. I'm not going to tell you again. Like, I'm not going to tell you again. Don't expect me to don't ask me to i'm just not going to tell you again because it's implicit in me marrying you and living with you and staying married to you.

[52:25] So i'm not i'm not going to tell you i mean it's implicit right i'm here right, so it says oh maybe the live streams are the niche and it's more engaging for you, I don't know what that means. So I thought that was interesting. Let me ask you this. When was the last time you praised someone you knew?

[52:59] Let's see here. I'm thinking out loud here because it doesn't make sense, even my own reactions. Wouldn't it be the case that there'd be more direct, higher quality feedback compared to yesteryears because most of us have stuck through everything over the years and we would be more advanced, interested, and dedicated to this philosophy conversation? So, you know, and I've been very clear about this, like Peaceful Parenting is the book that's been the toughest for me to write. As I say, I've tried writing it twice before and crashed and burned each time. It's been the toughest book for me to write. It's been the most emotionally draining. I very clearly said the audio book is exhausting. I sometimes have to have a nap because it's just tough. And yet, no good job or well done or keep going or nothing. Wow. So the wifey book is interesting. So he says, hey man, I'm here. It's implicit that I love you, so I never have to say it. And the woman, of course, ends up having an affair because she feels unappreciated.

[54:08] So, yeah, it's really, really interesting. So, and I would say if it was just a peaceful parenting book, we could say, well, you know, but it's the inner parents who don't want you to praise the peaceful parenting book because it kind of condemns what they did if they were bad, right? But it's all books.

[54:33] All books. I praise my wife quite often, probably yesterday though. All right. Not so long ago, I praise people for good work sometimes. Right. So that's interesting. So if you do praise people, why not me? You know, and it's funny too, because, you know, the, having had some trolls around the community over the years, I've sort of internalized, you know, Steph berates audience for not praising him, you know, like this kind of stuff, right? And I'm genuinely curious. I'm genuinely curious. Enthusiasm. I can't remember giving praise to someone in my life as of recently. So, I mean, that's interesting, right? So if you don't praise people in your life, it's either because you have people in your life who aren't praiseworthy, which is kind of sad and probably should change, or they are praiseworthy, but it's difficult and painful for you to praise them. Or show appreciation, or something like that, right? Books feel intimidating to people. Only so many large projects at once for people's capacity to integrate it. I don't know what that means. Sorry. I can't derive any particular meaning out of that statement. Sorry.

[55:52] Integrate them. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it means. Only so many large projects at once for people's capacity to integrate them. I don't know what that means, sorry.

[56:05] Why do you feel tips alone, textless, isn't praise? Why do you feel tips alone, textless, isn't praise? I don't know what that means. So if somebody sends me a tip and I say, thanks for the tip, I mean, I think that's appreciation for the fact that the show costs money and we have, you know, four employees and all of that. So yeah, I mean, I think that, right? It says here, I've listened to some parts, Rachel says, I've listened to some parts of the Peaceful Parenting book that you've read on live streams, and I think they're brilliant, and I've thought about them a lot after listening and chatted to my partner about them. Right. So there's no meaning in people not reading much these days. They don't have the capacity for it. It's on you, man. You are the creator. Okay, I don't know why this is hard to understand. There's an audio book! Oh, my God. Everybody gets the audio book. Very few people are reading it. They got the audio book. So try again and also try to listen.

[57:08] Lack of Feedback

[57:09] We praise you for the live streams in the comments.

[57:15] I caught a handful of peaceful parenting live readings and gave you praise then in the chat. The siblings chapter was particularly powerful for me as an older brother. Yeah, I think so.

[57:27] It's a large project. Correct. That is correct. It is a large project. For sure. It is, for sure. But it's certainly the most personal book. Right? It's the most relatable and personal book. So, the simulation theory, right? Like, which I tackle in Essential Philosophy. The simulation theory is not particularly personal, because there's very few of us who believe in it. But it's an interesting argument. Most people here would accept free will, so the free will versus determinism argument is interesting and powerful, but not particularly personal. But the Peaceful Parenting book is very personal, because we've all been raised. We've all been children, and most of us, to one degree or another, have experienced the problems of peaceful parenting, right? And peaceful parenting itself is a problem, right? The Peaceful Parenting book. There's no solution to parenting in the world that is. So if you have bad parenting, it's traumatic. If you're peacefully parented, how do you get along with people? How do you get along with everyone else? Where do you fit in? How do you connect, right? There's no good solution to parenting right now.

[58:40] All right, so let me just check over here. In my experience, people are more likely to complain than give praise. Many people are just avoiding being punished and are not free enough to show praise, including myself. I find it difficult. Yeah.

[58:58] Yeah. I mean, if I were to really connect with the community, I would say that people are trying to train me away from writing this book because I get, you know, praise and positive feedback, uh, in, in the call-in shows or about the call-in shows and the live streams and other things. But... Again, referring to my work, I am praised for my salary. I rarely get a good job. Would be nice, yes. But I have learned I'm not going to get that from my employee regularly. Well, okay, but if people said, you know, I'm going to donate X, Y, and Z for the Peaceful Parenting book and not give me any feedback, there would be that. But most of what people donate for are live streams and call-in shows and sort of Q&As, right?

[59:46] So to get the Peaceful Parenting book to complete, To complete the Peaceful Parenting book, I've had to pretend the community doesn't exist. And, you know, that's me being perfectly frank with you guys. I mean, I couldn't have done it if I had relied on feedback. Because you don't want to sit there and say, you guys, you've got to give me feedback or I can't continue it. Because, you know, I mean, it's not the case. I mean, I have the option, of course, I have the option of just pretending that you guys don't exist in order to complete it. in order to have the enthusiasm to complete it. And I'm just wondering if there's other people in your life who have to eclipse you in order to get things done. Or if you have ambitious people in your life and you don't provide any enthusiasm or feedback or energy to them, right? Because if I have to get my energy from within myself, I can't rely on you guys in the community. Now, if I can rely on you guys in the community to give me energy, and energy isn't just praise. Energy is just like, well, this was great. I really recalled from this. I thought this was phrased badly, but this was fantastic. It can be like, I have to be self-sufficient in my energy.

[1:00:57] Do you see what I'm saying? I can't lean on the energy of the community. I can't merge and trust the energy of the community to get me through the tough times. I have to despawn the community in my mind and go with my inner resources to get something done like this. Even though the community very much wanted me to do this. Do you see what I mean?

[1:01:28] I said, personally, Stefan, I haven't read any of it yet. Probably maybe another post of it in free domain Apple podcast for ease of access. The only ones are from 9th April and not the audio book. And perhaps another upload there will help get us to listen in our daily lives. Maybe pin it to the top of discord as well. But to include in the default free domain Apple podcast would realistically the best for me to digest a chapter a day. I don't know what you're talking about. The book is complete. I mean, the book is complete, and at least half a dozen times, even though this is not a donor-only podcast, at least half a dozen times, what I've done is I have put the Peaceful Parenting feed to the audiobook, which also does have links to the transcripts. I put the Peaceful Parenting audiobook feed in the chat here. So I'm not sure what you mean when you say, maybe if you posted more of it. I mean, I literally had a whole announcement that the Peaceful Parenting book is done. It goes out to everyone this week. So I don't know what to say. I will give it here too. Yeah, chapters one. So I first started doing the book. I put the first audio book chapter out October the 12th, 2023.

[1:02:47] Right, so that's like, what, eight months ago? Seven or eight months ago? And that was after working on it for probably six months. So yeah, it's been over a year, which is by far the longest, right?

[1:03:04] And so, yeah, I mean, I've been working on the book for well over a year, and I started putting the book out in October, so seven or eight months ago, and nothing.

[1:03:18] And I just think that's interesting. And it is without a doubt, I mean, I'll just tell you this frankly, it is without a doubt the last time that I can think of or the last time I'll have motivation. See, when I was working on my novel, The Present or The Future, my two recent novels, I'm like enthusiastic about it, but it's all a self-contained thing, right? It's all a self-contained thing. But I don't have any, because I don't like this sort of schizoid mindset, right? I don't like the schizoid mindset so if the community says we're desperate for a peaceful parenting book and I work on the peaceful parenting book and I get no feedback then I don't want to listen to the community does that make sense? Because you know I would rather like I don't get donations for peaceful parenting I mean I get a few but it's not like the live streams right so, I don't want to listen to the community because it doesn't seem like people particularly know what they want, if that makes sense. All right.

[1:04:25] Community Enthusiasm

[1:04:25] The locals platform is difficult for collating content and an easy to navigate and attractive way. So large projects fall through the cracks. I don't understand.

[1:04:43] And I have to, I think if I put it in Apple Podcasts, isn't it available to everyone? Did I give you the paste? Yeah, there we go. So there's the RSS, rss.com slash podcast slash peaceful parenting. We still didn't give feedback while it was being produced. He advertised it countless times and asked for feedback on it. Steph's questions still haven't been addressed. It's going over people's heads. I get it's not an easy question. Yeah, it did. Absolutely, I'd love to get your feedback. Love to hear what you have to say. Love to hear what you think. looking forward to your feedback, and you can comment right under, and, right? I mean, it's wild. And everyone who has easy access to it can post. I just think it's interesting.

[1:05:31] Maybe we're emotionally blocking. I actually feel a little embarrassed at first giving praise, but when I do it, it feels like a weight off my chest. I wonder if other people feel that way. Was making dinner. How TF is this still the subject? Because we don't have an answer. I mean, maybe you like everything in five-minute soundbites, but sometimes questions are tough and require a certain amount of back and forth to get the answer. I find the fiction books easier to listen to, especially while working and listening. And have you given me any feedback on the fiction books? A few times I have stirred you up. I donate $100 tips pretty regularly compared to others. I feel like the amount of dollars is appreciation for everything you do. I appreciate that, and this is not about donations, and I very much appreciate your donations and support. That's absolutely essential. So thank you.

[1:06:28] So, I mean, I don't know that we're getting anything other than defenses. I mean, so, and which tells me it's a very interesting topic, right? Because normally we can solve these things pretty quickly. So I don't know that we're getting anything other than explanations like locals are slightly unwieldy and, but I give you money and like, this isn't what I'm talking about, right? Let's see here. You are very good at targeting the source of the grad issues of the world. I don't know what grad issues is. Unconsciously, I think the lack of enthusiasm is a way of having you miss the target or avoid pointing it all, add it all together. I think it's the same reason why you get so much hate. When I found you in late 2016, it was a relief, but for the people in my life at the time, they were nuts, much like TDS, yeah. I feel this is tied to donations. Okay, that's not a feeling, that's a thought. Does it hurt? Tied to donations. What does that mean? So this is not a feeling, and it's not tied to donations, so I don't know what you're talking about. I would love to give more feedback, but my brain cannot keep up with your level of intelligence. Most live streams are simply absorbed and try to comprehend what you say. I'm not talking about feedback on the live stream. But you see, I wrote peaceful parenting to be accessible to the general public.

[1:07:51] So, the Peaceful Parenting book is designed and written with the general public in mind. So, I'm not referencing UPB, I'm not doing metaphysics, I'm not doing epistemology, I'm just doing straight up passionate morality and arguments and examples.

[1:08:11] So if I don't get any feedback from the people interested in it, then I think the book is not interesting. And then I have failed with a year of work in producing a book that communicates peaceful parenting to the average person. Now, of course, I don't like the thought that I failed in my goal and I do want to keep it going. And of course I have to write the book before I can so I can't release it as I'm writing it, right? So I have to write the whole book so that I can figure out what goes where and what needs to be moved around, and I sometimes have to jig around the table of contents to get things in the right order, and then I have to smooth out the text so that it bridges better. Like, there's just a lot of stuff that's going on.

[1:08:51] So if I have failed in peaceful parenting, which, from the feedback, it would be the case, right? So from the feedback, I've really failed, Because if the people, like, I gauge a lot of what I do based upon what people email me for. So call in at freedomain.com. There's no restriction. People can email me and say, my topic is, I really want to debate UPP with you. My topic is, I think RTR is flawed in this way. My topic is, your argument for free will fails because of this, this, and this. You've misunderstood St. Augustine, and I want to debate that. at my art, like call in. There's no requirement that it be about personal issues and childhood, no requirement at all.

[1:09:42] So what is it that people most want to talk about with me? Like you get two hours with me or three hours with me, you can talk about anything. So what is it that people most want to talk about with me is their childhoods and its effect on their lives. Right? Like I just did a show, I did two shows yesterday. One was with a fellow who has trouble pair bonding and he slept with 80 prostitutes around the world or 80 plus prostitutes around the world. So everybody wants to talk about their lives and their childhoods. Like, I honestly cannot remember the last call-in I got that was not about childhood and personal life. So people really, really, really want an examination of childhood and an examination of their own childhoods and its effect upon their adult lives. That is consistent with almost no exception. Maybe there's been five of the thousands and thousands and thousands of call-in show requests I've gotten. Maybe five. So insignificant as to be zero, we're not about personal issues, relationships, life, childhood, and so on. Like, almost none. So people...

[1:11:07] Really are fascinated by childhoods. And childhoods are the number one reason that people listen to the show because the most popular show types are call-in shows. I mean, the books are immensely popular, but nobody talks about them, which is a part of what I'm talking about here. The books are incredibly popular, but nobody talks about them.

[1:11:29] The Power of Childhood

[1:11:29] So what that means is that, childhood is the most fascinating topic in this show and my book on childhood gets no feedback.

[1:11:53] Everyone can add the rss feed into apple podcasts here okay yeah i don't think i can add it to the apple podcast without it going out to everyone speaking of praise your episode on the narcissistic personality type several months ago was extremely helpful. It explained my father's actions and I still want a call-in, but half of the questions I had about my childhood were answered on that episode. Oh, good. I'm glad to hear. Thank you very much. I really appreciate that. Dude. Don't start with dude when we've got a big topic, man. This is an important topic. Dude. Dude, Locals is bad for segregating content from other content in groups. It's like reading a book on Twitter. It all just keeps moving. But if the views have been high, then it must be otherwise. Otherwise, Locals is bad for segregating content from other content in groups. No, I get that for sure. I get that. But you can still find it and you can still, like, in the feed, in the description is a link to the transcript. If you want to just put the feed in and go to the transcript in the feed. Although, yeah, is that the case for everyone there?

[1:13:00] Can't even give my mom criticism of her spending without her throwing a fit like an effing child, so maybe that has something to do with my lack of feedback. It says, how would feedback help an already great mind? Okay, quick question. Do you think that I never suffer from any concerns or any Icarus anxiety, like flying too high, doing too much? Do you think that I never have any mental or psychological problems with this incredible acrobatic act? Of livid, wild, and immediate philosophy in the world, never been done before, and there's nothing like it in the world, do you think that I never need any support? I'm just curious. I mean, I know that sounds like I'm sort of begging the question, but do you think that praise would mean nothing to me, you have no input, no appreciation would help, there's nothing you can say to me that would help me in this journey at all? Nothing. You're completely inconsequential to what it is that I do. Spoiler you're not you're really not completely inconsequential to what i do i need you, i need your thoughts i need your feedback i need everything so i think it's a way of elevating me so you feel small i think also maybe this could be right could be wrong but i think it also could be that you elevate me so I do the work and you can hide from the world, honestly.

[1:14:29] I think you elevate me to the person who's bulletproof, like kind of a superhero, so that I'm off battling the Transformers and you can hide from the world. And I think to give me feedback, to give me praise, if that's what you're feeling, about this book in particular, see, Peaceful Parenting, and we got this earlier, A Peaceful Parenting is the book that you need to share, right? And maybe people don't want to read the book or give me feedback because...

[1:15:03] They then have to talk about it with people.

[1:15:11] And I know people have been reading it. If you read or listen to the Peaceful Parenting book, then you have to talk about it with people, don't you? And maybe people don't want to do that. And maybe if you say, Steph, this Peaceful Parenting book, like, wow. Is it perfect? I don't even know what that means. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I can't see you struggle behind the screen. So you have to ask for help like you are now. No, no. Oh my God. Every single show I open up with looking for response, feedback, praise, curses, debates, right? So every single show, pretty much with very few exceptions, I request feedback. So saying, I don't ask for feedback is a little confusing. Again, this is a defense. You guys don't want to look as to why you're not giving me feedback, right? I don't know what the answer is. I don't know what the answer is particularly, I mean, on the books, but could be on other things. But, um, you know, I honestly, I'm, I'm getting a lot of defenses and that's totally fine. I like to talk about peaceful parenting, but people are rarely interested.

[1:16:36] So then you have to figure out how to talk about it better. Like, I don't understand what that means. Yeah, I've tried to share it, but my mother couldn't even get through a chapter without taking it personally. Talking about it is certainly a monumental struggle. Okay, so here's the thing, right? So if I've done something that's really, really hard, and the Peaceful Parenting book is really hard, you understand there's three ingredients to the Peaceful Parenting book, which is why it hasn't been written before, right? There's three ingredients. One, you have to have had a really shitty childhood, which I did. Two you have to have overcome it and three you have to have been a good parent yourself, right so there's the three ingredients right you have to have had a really shitty childhood you have to have overcome it learn from it dealt with it grown from it and you also have to be a great parent yourself now had a shitty childhood i worked very hard in my teens and 20s and early thirties to overcome it. And I, you know, my daughter's halfway to 16 years of age and I've been a great parent.

[1:18:01] So, even if you have some issues with little bits here and there in the book, you understand the massive amount of struggle that it took to produce it, right? Can you not at least say, wow, like you went through a lot to produce this book, man, good for you. Somebody says, I think you're right, Steph, not giving sincere feedback and engaging keeps me on as a spectator, keeps one as a spectator. That struck hard. We are letting you battle the war which we want to dodge. Yeah, it's interesting, right?

[1:18:57] Because, let's see here one of the biggest reasons is to see how it's resonating with people as Steph has been saying this whole how people love it how they hate it, if it's good some art if it's got some art wording if it's got great wording if it's missing something If it's too strongly worded, he's looking for our honest thoughts, feedback, and reactions along the way on the books. I think so. Yeah. I mean, I bled bone marrow to produce this book. I'm not going to lie. I mean, I bled bone marrow to produce this book. There was a reason why it's my third try.

[1:19:44] And it's a void. A void, right? A void and a void. Interesting. Well, I don't want to beat a dead horse. I don't think we're going to solve it at the moment. Let's see here. City streets are wet again with rain. And I'm lying once again. Skies turn to the usual gray. All right. What do we got here?

[1:20:29] All right. An algo. This is dragging on. Yeah. See, this is interesting too, right? If it was something that was easy to solve, we would have solved it. It's not unimportant because motivation and enthusiasm and praise and feedback is essential to life right so i'm going to read this book i think it would be a good idea let me just give you guys the excuse me you can get the feed right the feed, Um, I personally haven't followed the development of your book beyond the verbal updates I hear you talk about on your podcast.

[1:21:16] So you want to exclude myself from the, quote, criticism that I'm providing the community because it's all about you rather than how you can help the community or help me. No, it doesn't apply to me, man. It doesn't apply to me. I'm not. So this is the defenses, right? Have you talked to people close to you about peaceful parenting? What did they say? Well, of course I've... No, I haven't talked to anyone close to me about peaceful parenting. Oh, that's funny. I have not read the book yet, but since I became a member of the community, I've been more outspoken about being a peaceful parent, and each person has reacted with seriously enraged emotions. Well, I mean, so maybe the answer is that the book is a bad idea.

[1:21:58] Right? And maybe everybody thought they wanted a peaceful parenting book. But they didn't, in fact, want it, right? You know, be careful what you wish for. You just might get it, right? Be careful what you wish for. Oh, Steph, it'd be great if you could produce a peaceful parenting book. Oh, shit, are you producing a peaceful parenting book? Oh, God, don't do that. Anyway, yeah, sorry, I'm getting a little tired of the conversation just because it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. It's just that it's just defenseless and not particular. No, the book cannot be a bad idea. Then why make it so hard to write and so hard to continue with, right? So if people parenting was a great idea and the book was a great idea you'd fill me full of enthusiasm to keep going and to be even more energetic, right? But there's nothing.

[1:22:52] Yeah, there's nothing. So it's a very dense and complex thing, but I don't think anyone's getting there. And I don't want to come to conclusions because if I'm only seeing the defenses, then there's no data to come to conclusions, right? I don't think people are looking inwardly and saying, why didn't I give Steph some feedback? Why didn't I give Steph some praise for this incredibly hard-won essential book? Right, and the book is great. Like, I can't produce something that's terrible, right? So that's an interesting question. Why no enthusiasm? I just think it's a very interesting question. What's the price of being enthusiastic about this book? I love it. It's fantastic. Oh, this is really powerful or whatever. It's a bit long here, but holy crap. Maybe it just doesn't apply to me. Like whatever, right? Enthusiasm. Enthusiasm. I mean, you know, it's funny when the bassist for Queen came up with the bass line, do-do-doom-doom-doom, do-doom-doom-doom-doom, right? He came up with the bass line for Another One Bites the Dust. Like, Freddie Mercury was, like, jumping up and down with enthusiasm, and he literally sang till his voice was bleeding to get it, right? I've praised it to others, but not to you. For that, I'm terribly sorry. Well, I appreciate that, but why? But why? That's the question. Why? Why?

[1:24:20] On a different note regarding the recent lean donation trends have you compared your long-term donation history and overlaid them with general economic trends graphs uh happy friday it's pay day thank you for the tip that's a good idea um i have done that in my mind in general but not statistically in general i'm afraid that talking about the book to others will make my conscience, haunt me because i feel afraid and depressed at the thought of confronting my parents, okay but you're making that about you and your life and your parents why would that prevent you from being enthusiastic about what I'm doing.

[1:24:57] Somebody says, I've been asking myself the question of why I haven't given feedback. I have given some praise. It's probably going to take a day or two and maybe a good exercise sessions to find the answer. And maybe once I read it, I may find an answer. Yeah, it's tough. I mean, to go away and do a project, it's almost impossible to do a great project without the enthusiasm of those around you. Have you ever noticed that? Right when i was first programming um the the software that i ended up co-founding the company with the person i was co-founding with was like when i would have a breakthrough or fix something i mean i remember back then where there was a vga and svga vga was 640 by 480 svga was 800 by 600, and we couldn't design it for 600 by 800 because then it would be too big for the smaller screen but the smaller screen, people had relatively small screens back then, and if it happened to be high resolution, then it would only be two-thirds of the screen, be too small. So originally, the software had two versions that had to be maintained, one which was larger for the larger screen, one that was smaller for the smaller screen. And then I ended up figuring out how to query Windows to figure out the resolution, and then dynamically sizing the screens on the fly. Like you'd load it up, and the screen would dynamically size the entire interface, the whole program would dynamically size itself, depending on the screen resolution.

[1:26:18] And like 30 years ago, that was a very big thing. When I came up with what's called QBF or query by form, you have a data form and then you pop up a form and you can enter an information, press apply, and it filters all the underlying information. When I first figured out how to do that by copying the form in memory and opening it up and changing all the properties so that it became a query form, again, like everybody was jumping up and down with how incredible that was and how amazing that was. When I came up with a way to describe the database and its forms in a way that you could point a web server at and it would recreate the entire system. You could edit, you could, all the interface, like I recorded everything that was going on in a database on the screen. And then the entire website could recreate the entire interface with all of the navigation and all of the saving and editing and even the querying. And when I showed, like people were like mad enthusiastic and it was great stuff, right? So it is, it's virtually, I've learned how to do it because I've learned how to survive on very little.

[1:27:29] Honestly, as a kid, I learned how to survive on very little. So I've learned how to do it, but it's virtually impossible because I've been in the world of real enthusiasm and real excitement and real attaboys, and it's so energizing. Don't you find that?

[1:27:50] I'm not intimidated by Steph, nor do I feel sorry for him. What he wants is to be adored for being critical. Very unlikely, LOL. Okay, so that's just a very cold-hearted person who doesn't function at an emotional level. So I've learned how to live on very little, and I don't like that I have to, in order to achieve something that I consider great, like this book, that I have to survive on my own flesh, so to speak. I have to survive on my own enthusiasm. That's tough. And it just puts a distance between me and the community. So that's interesting.

[1:28:29] All right. How often do you praise your audience specifically for things? Do you not listen to the show? Or is this a rhetorical question designed to blame me? Are you saying, so this is the thing. So I come up and say, here's something I need. And I'm like, well, is it something you provide? Right? So Maddie, this is just, it's pretty terrible behavior. So I'm saying I'm deficient in something or I need something. And you're like, well, have you provided it? How often do you praise your audience specifically for things?

[1:29:12] And the reason that's terrible is, first of all, you should deal with people's needs without turning it on themselves. Like, do you not think that there's a certain amount of vulnerability in saying that I need something from you guys? Do you not think that there's a certain amount of vulnerability in that? And to immediately say, well, it's your fault because you don't praise people, or how often do you praise people? It's a way of punishing someone for being vulnerable and asking something, and that's your inner parent. The most charitable thing I can think of is that that's your inner parent, right? Right.

[1:29:40] So, uh, just, and if you've listened to the show, you're a total liar, right? So either you haven't listened to the show, in which case I don't care what you have to say, or you have listened to the show, in which case just about every show I say, these are the great questions that came in. Um, it's a, it's a wonderful perspective. Uh, you guys are the top 1% of intelligence. If you listen to call-in shows, I say to people what a great job they did, how they're going to get what they want you know and so yeah the praise greatest audience in the world uh i absolutely give a lot of praise and enthusiasm for what people are doing so, yeah that's just honestly that's just terrible behavior so when somebody says i have a need and you're like well it's your fault you're not getting it because you don't give other people right you insult your listeners and then say a vague praise and then ask for praise okay like Like, just get lost, man. Just get lost. Just stop typing. That's just terrible behavior. I won't have it. I won't have it. All right. Been listening for years, and it's only gotten better. Yeah.

[1:30:46] Somebody says, I came here many years ago because Steph used classical and his spin on modern philosophy to quantify current hypocritical society. Yeah. Thank you. He insulted lucian saying he didn't know if they were english as a second language why is that an insult i couldn't understand what he was saying and that was not an insult i was saying he's not stupid he just you know maybe english is not his first language because i couldn't understand what he was saying that's not an insult okay then not an insult okay so if you accused me maddie if you accused me of insulting someone and you were wrong what do you you owe me? What do you owe me? You publicly accused me of being insulting to someone and you were wrong. So what do you owe me? Come on, this is just civility 101, right?

[1:31:45] Excuse me all right so uh do we have any other questions issues or challenges or problems, i'm not wrong you call them esl for an answer no first of all i said maybe it's not your first language which is a way of saying that that's not his intelligence thing how i mean if i'm typing in a foreign language and i get something wrong that's not an insult to somebody it's actually saying i understand why what you're writing is incomprehensible because maybe it's not your first language. And listen, I do a whole bunch of call-in shows with people with whom English is not their first language and I'm always sympathetic and I say, listen, you know two languages, I don't, so good for you. So I don't owe him at all. My gosh, where did this guy come from? And saying that English might not be your first language as a reason why I can't understand what you're saying is not an insult. Subtle insult, like calling him a bot. Okay, I'm just going to ignore this guy. It's just, he's a ridiculous person. All right. Do you want to, we can continue on this topic. We can talk about anything that you like. Your conversation is pulling the demon out of people tonight. You must've found a buried body, Steph. I think maybe a little. Yeah. There's a lot of defenses and I'm here for the philosophy. Well, what do you think we've been doing?

[1:33:10] You know, I really wish I could figure out how to kick people. Cause this guy is just terrible.

[1:33:20] Oh, he's been around for a long time. He's been around for a long time. I guess he didn't get the whole self-knowledge thing. All right. For someone to point it out to someone that their sentence doesn't make sense and maybe it's an ESL is a blessing because the person can improve because they got some good feedback. Thanks for all the great stuff. Thanks. I appreciate that. Thank you for everything you do, Steph. These days, you're pretty much, the only person I can rely on to be level-headed and helpful in my life. Your work is evergreen. Thank you. I appreciate that. That's very kind. Appreciate that. Steph, what do you think is the reason people didn't provide feedback? I don't know, honestly, because I would need to get past the defenses and for people to lay their hearts bare and tell me why. And that hasn't really happened yet. I've had some apologies, which is nice, but it doesn't give me any answers.

[1:34:25] I hope you figure out how to sell your books. Yeah, I'm not selling them. It's not about that. All right, don't engage. Sorry. I shouldn't either, right? I shouldn't either. Let's see here. Yes, I'm not sure the chat's the way to go, but definitely something to discuss in all of this. Well, maybe we can spend a little bit of time on the weekend and do a premium call-in, and we can have sort of a roundtable on what might be happening. I, and I'm sure many others, are really appreciative for what you're saying here. year i'm glad you're letting us know yeah, thank you i appreciate that, you know and this actually was not supposed to be um it was not supposed to be a whole show in this, um because i i thought that we would get to more of an answer as to why people would uh withhold any enthusiasm from what they really wanted me to do and what i also know is good like here's the a thing so i've learned i've learned how to judge my own work in terms of writing books because, the level of feedback has always been so minimal that i have to be my own advocate if that makes sense so i can plow on and finish something with a complete void of response but i don't think i want to keep doing that if that makes any sense.

[1:35:51] Uh, since you've asked for feedback and you've made it clear how useful it is to you, I would try to add at least one to every show I listened to. Um, Steph says, I would like feedback and then gives us the example by giving us feedback. Yeah. I mean that, that's the feedback, right? That's the feedback is that I don't like having to eclipse the community in my mind and survive on my own nourishment, like drink my own urine of enthusiasm, so to speak. I don't like having to eclipse the, the community in my mind and just say, okay, well, I have to pretend they don't exist and I'm just working like a monk in a monastery.

[1:36:27] It has been a really cool show. It's given me a lot to think about. A Donal-only show this weekend would be cool. It also gives me some time to think about this. Yeah, I do. I do think it's really interesting and I think there's something really important at the bottom of this. Not about me or the Peaceful Parenting book, but I think there's something really important at the bottom of this. I get a vague shape of it in my mind, but I can't get through to it directly, because it's wrapped up in a lot of stuff. And, you know, I got to tell you, like, it's not a lot of fun to say, I need something from you guys and then like a whole bunch of defenses and, you know, avoidances and I-me-me-eyes come back and so on. That's not a lot of fun to express a need. And this is why I think people don't do it really, because this is why people don't like expressing these needs. And you guys aren't being mean. Okay, like maybe one or two of you, but you're not being mean or anything. Like that but it's really hard for you to connect with something i'm not sure what it is right i'm not sure what it is because it's a vulnerable position right because of course if you say i would like some praise for my book people can say well why should i it sucks or you know like you know it's very easy and of course a few people have done that not many right but a few people have done that where they say well i haven't given you any praise because you know it's not really that good it's like no the book is good no the book is good uh that for sure that for sure, and even if you didn't think the book was good, giving me praise would give me energy to make it better, right?

[1:37:55] So, yeah, it's an uncomfortable position to be in, but I think it's important to be honest, isn't it? I mean, I'm trying to be as honest as possible, and I'm not blaming anybody, I'm not criticizing anybody, but it's a tough situation to just sort of look at y'all and say, I really need some fuel. I really need some fuel, and I've had to get through this whole fucking book with virtually no fuel from the community. Fuck, that's tough, man. I've had to slog my way through one of the most, I think it's the most brutal book I've ever written. I've had to slog my way through with no fuel from the community. There appears to be a difference in verbal feedback and monetization feedback. One will feed your family, one won't. What's more important? The hell are you talking about, Evan?

[1:38:47] Misunderstanding Verbal Feedback

[1:38:48] That's... you don't understand anything. Sorry to be so frank, but you don't. You see, verbal feedback and enthusiasm makes my job easier, which makes my products better, which means I can end up with more donations. There's not a difference. They're not opposites. Oh my God. Well, you get money. What do you need enthusiasm for? It's like, well, have you ever tried to create something and people are cheering you on, you know how much better you do? God, I'm sorry. It's just, I don't understand why this is so hard to understand, but I've explained it like 15 different ways from Sunday.

[1:39:33] I need to think deep why I didn't provide any feedback. I would appreciate that. Somebody says, the future was incredible, Brother Steph. Never told you, and it was free for me to enjoy. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think the future is an incredible book myself. I mean, what a wild book to write, and what an incredible plot structure. In me, right? To me, right?

[1:39:58] I think the best fuel I can give you at the moment is to thank you for having the courage and integrity to put the truth out there in spite of the backlash. I appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, it did take a mental readjustment for sure. And I'm still having it mentally. Yeah, and I've said this a million times. Freddie Mercury says, I can only sing as well as the audience wants me to. Right? Right? Yeah, it's hard. You didn't want to give me any fuel. The community ought to be supporting you the most around this book well ought to i hear what you're saying chris and i i appreciate that what you're trying to say and i apologize for minimizing it like what you're trying to say, but the moment we get the ought right so if i say well you guys ought to have been giving me some fuel for this book you should have been giving me some enthusiasm for this book, what i don't want is for people to get guilty or feel bad or i starved stephan is our greatest greatest need and all that. I don't want you to feel that because that doesn't get.

[1:41:07] The curiosity that's necessary for self-knowledge. Self-blame is usually the opposite of self-knowledge because self-blame is when you say, well, my conclusion is that I'm just bad. I didn't support Steph in his hour of his year plus, his 13, 14 months of greatest need. I didn't support Steph. I didn't give him any enthusiasm. I didn't give him any energy. I didn't give him any support. I don't want you to blame yourself because then you don't get to the answer. Right? Then you don't get to the answer. And the answer is why? Not, well, I guess I just betrayed... That's not an answer. That's just self-blame, and that's not useful. And it's not right. Self-blame is what we do to avoid getting to the answer, if that makes sense, right?

[1:41:55] Somebody says, Steph, what do you think are some probing questions we can ask ourselves as to why we didn't provide feedback? Well, I don't know. There's a deep sorrow in there that's being avoided. I don't know what the sorrow is. I don't know what the sorrow is. It is a powerful once-in-history book, Peaceful Parenting. I'm going to read it again and use the arguments and quote the data to my friends and family. Yes, because you understand, support does not equal dollars. No. No.

[1:42:27] No. No, the dollars pay the bills, and I appreciate that. There are bills to pay. Jared needs to be kept in his vat of baby oil with occasional electrical shocks to increase his productivity. Neither of those two things are cheap. And you know, all of the processing of his complaints to the HR department by processing, I mean, shredding, like these things are expensive. So support, it does not equal dollars. No, it does not equal dollars. And they're not, they're not opposites, right? So the support could be like, holy crap, like Like this book is really something, boy, did you ever pour your heart and soul and mind in that, right? Like I really appreciate it. This part is really powerful. This part really, and again, I've got a tiny smidge of that. I got like a half dozen of those, right? But you see, support would have made the book even better, right? Now I still, I have another version to write. So this is the long version. I have a short version to write.

[1:43:32] I have a short version to write. And I think this is why this is coming up. So I fed on my own innards to cross the desert to finish this book. Right?

[1:43:45] And don't feel bad because even some of my closest friends haven't given me much feedback on the book. Right? Now, what's interesting, and don't mean to call you out publicly, but even people who work for me, I finished the book, I've got no feedback on the ending. Nothing. nothing.

[1:44:07] Isn't that wild people I talk with every day nothing and don't take it personally these are people who are good friends of mine I've worked with them for years and nothing, right nobody said wow the ending is great or you know whatever whatever right or wow let's celebrate or right nothing void tumbleweeds nothing it's fascinating fascinating. They are going to take it personally. Well, I don't want them to take it personally, but it just struck me. Like, this is how dissociated this whole thing is for me. Like, it just struck me, right? I raised my monthly donation recently because it's the best content out there. Well, thank you. I really, really appreciate that. That's very, very kind.

[1:45:04] Ah, let's see here. I mean, isn't that interesting? So this is James and Jared, right? And I'm just sorry to be live about this, but it just kind of struck me. I got no feedback on that either. Right? Right?

[1:45:30] Uh somebody says i actually did, i actually did sub to locals and kept subbing after the book's announcement so i guess i provided some motivation non-verbally or that could be my guilty feeling coming through with an excuse but so here's the thing and i listen i appreciate your support i really do but, i don't know what people are donating for right i mean i have no idea right it could be like well you know your shows from 2008 were your best shows man and i love those and that's what i'm I'm donating for. I have no idea what people are donating for, right? So if you say, well, I really like the Peaceful Parenting book, so I subscribe. I don't know that. Like, what's wrong? Honestly, it's like one minute. So think of the amount of time you spend on social media. Think of the amount of time you spend watching shows. Think about the amount of time you spend browsing or playing video games or whatever it is, right? It's literally one to two minutes to just type out saying, you know, a great book or this really was from the heart or like you really did something great here or whatever. Or if it's criticism, that's fine too. But see, I commit to giving you more feedback on all the media I consume. No, that's not the answer. The defenses are wild here, man. Am I asking people to commit to giving me more feedback? Yes or no?

[1:46:51] Am I asking people to give me more feedback? What am I asking for? It's really, really, I want to be clear about what I'm asking for. What am I asking for? I am not asking for people to give me more feedback. That's the exact opposite of what I'm asking for. I am absolutely not asking people to commit to give me more feedback. What am I asking for? What am I asking for?

[1:47:22] What am I asking for? right i'm asking people why what what's the block to giving enthusiasm or some fuel to me, right what's the block about enthusiasm right right, now and the funny thing is too that jared um and jared definitely does give me like wow you've been doing great shows lately and I really appreciate that. So I'm not, you know, trying to bitch at Jared. He made me feedback. But about the book, somebody says, I'm sorry, Steph, you asked for feedback several times while writing the book and mentioned several times how emotionally straining it was. Absolutely. Despite these requests, I didn't offer any feedback other than monetarily. I upped my tips thinking that that was meeting that need. I think this is related perhaps to lack of emotional support during my childhood. I was provided food, but not love or enthusiasm. Perhaps I've carried into my adult life that but money is a replacement for love and support. So that's a great, great observation and really, really deep. Really, really deep, right?

[1:48:30] Maybe ask the people who are working in close proximity to you. Why? Why can't you answer it? Why does it have to go on to them? It's another defense. Another defense. So maybe people, um, maybe people say, well, I support the show. So I don't have to show him any appreciation. The money is the love. The money is the enthusiasm. I'm giving him money. So I don't have to give him any emotional fuel. How can I love you through the internet?

[1:49:09] Trying to get feedback seems quite difficult. I've asked clients to provide feedback, and only the most dedicated and happy clients provided feedback. When I have some, rarely, who quit, I usually also provide a feedback form. The last two clients I lost the past two years didn't fill out, but told me via text that I was great, etc., etc. Not going to lie, I signed up for locals because I wanted to call in and I thought I could bribe my way into getting one. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I mean, you don't have to donate to get a call in, but it doesn't hurt. So yeah, I think it's interesting. So people say, well, I want to give Steph fuel. He doesn't need anything emotionally. So I'm just going to give him some money. In my house feedback was most often bad and sometimes dangerous right, this has been the longest project I've worked on you know that right like the peaceful by far has been the longest project I've worked on.

[1:50:17] It's been the longest, deepest, most painful project I've been involved in. And yeah, I mean, honestly, and I also want to make sure that I don't have any residual resentment, which is, so the community asked me to do something. And I was like, okay, I'll strap on this 150 pound backpack and struggle my way across the desert. and people throw me some money and say, you're fine. And I say, you know, that was, I could have used a little bit of water and fuel and love and enthusiasm and, you know, while, you know, crossing this desert and this brutal thing, because it's not like you can make a lot of money from this book. It's not like I'm going to sell it for 500 bucks a pop and sell 10,000 copies, right? So I don't, I want to make sure there's no residual resentment, right? For me, right? So I get to, now, Now, if we get the knowledge of the why, that to me is really interesting and well worth it. Well worth it then. Maybe people are not being serious and don't understand about what is being offered. I don't know what that means. Sorry.

[1:51:34] How do you love someone through the internet? Through words alone? Okay, so, yeah, God. Love is an involuntary response to virtue if you're virtuous. Is it a courageous and difficult thing to write a philosophical book on peaceful parenting, right? I mean, was it a difficult and courageous thing to write the philosophical rebuttal to aggressive parenting? I mean, no philosopher has done it before. Like no philosopher has touched this fucking topic with a 10-foot pole.

[1:52:14] Appreciating Courage and Integrity

[1:52:15] Have you admired my public stance on peaceful parenting even though it's cost me enormously have you admired that I've stuck through with my integrity and not I've never retracted anything I know to be true no matter what pressure was put on me right, So what's wrong with telling me that you admire that? I mean, I give you guys a lot of praise and I do, and I mean it. I'm not kidding about it. Like this is the best audience in the world. I mean, the fact that we can have this conversation is fantastic. So I think I give you guys a lot of praise and I give you a lot of appreciation and your great question. I mean, it's been happened a couple of times over this, a great question, great observation, great comment, brilliant audience. Love you guys. Thank you so much. And I'm really positive and enthusiastic and appreciative. I think, I mean, I know that that's happened.

[1:53:11] Let's see here. I'm often on a bit of a backlog on your work. I listened to your Wrestling with the Dead episode like a month after you released it. With that sort of thing, I think I just can't have valuable delayed feedback can be. I'm like, well, that was especially amazing. But I wonder how well that will relate to you across time. So you're making the decision on what you think i need despite the fact that i'm saying i'm needing stuff i'm saying this is a brutal book to write this has been really really difficult i'd really love some feedback i'd love to know what you think blah blah blah right i mean i was so desperate for feedback honestly i did live streams of the audiobook reading which i've never done before, so and yet almost nothing thing. And again, I don't want you to blame yourself. There's no point in that, but isn't it curious?

[1:54:05] Or to put it another way, do you think I get negative feedback? Well, yes, spoiler, I get some seriously negative feedback. What about some support? I mean, it's just a thought. Why are you asking for the impossible? We can't win. Come on, Evan, stop making it about you. Stop making it about you. Try to focus. I mean, I'm here, you know, openly and vulnerably expressing a need and a preference and a desire, and you're making it about you.

[1:54:46] So you want me to focus on your emotional turmoil when I'm talking about my needs and I wouldn't do that, right? My life is great. Okay. See, it's really interesting, right? I'm saying that I felt a deficiency and I asked for something that the community really didn't provide. And, you know, it was sad for me and it was difficult and it made the book tougher and all of that. And I mean, and I'm not blaming anyone. I'm not saying feel bad. I'm not saying anyone did anything wrong. I'm just curious. Somebody says, I appreciate you, Steph. You have done tremendous work with all your books and podcasts. You're a gift to the world. You're still too new yet for the world to realize your impact and importance. Well, I appreciate that. I mean, I think that's true, but that's not what we're talking about right now, right? And again, I appreciate that, but that's not sort of the topic. Of the question of why is it so hard to show some love? Why is it hard? Why is it hard?

[1:55:56] I mean, my general theory, which I don't know the answer to, I don't know the answer, and you guys can let me know. My general theory is it's very hard to provide that which we most need. Right it's very hard to provide that which we most need, what solves the issue you sound like a woman you can't show love through the intranet.

[1:56:29] Okay okay i mean i don't even he's just misfiring on all cylinders there right yeah don't don't engage sorry i shouldn't either right because we'll try and stay with the emotionally connected, right? So yeah, I think it's hardest to provide that which we most need.

[1:56:52] And if I'm asking for sort of support and some enthusiasm, maybe you guys feel a severe deficiency of support and enthusiasm in your life, and you perceive me as someone coming to somebody dying of thirst and saying, hey man, give me some water. And you're like, I don't have any water. I can't provide what I was denied. My general theory, I don't know how well it applies to this kind of stuff. I think we're kind of somewhere useful, but that's the big question, right? I think it opens up a massive wound to support me. Evan, I really would appreciate it if you'd refrain from typing because it's not good. It's really, I mean, you'll hopefully understand this later, but it's not good. And he's just, yeah, I mean, just please try not to engage. It's not a good idea. So maybe it's something to do with that.

[1:57:56] Maybe it's something to do with that. Huge deficiency across my life. True. Yeah. So that's why who is honestly jumping up and down with enthusiasm about something you're doing? Chris says, yes, really hard to provide what one most needs. Yeah, I think so. Evan, please, I'm asking you as a friend, just please, if you could stop typing, I really, really would appreciate that because we're really trying to get someplace important here. So I think that has a lot to do with it.

[1:58:30] That is the pain of being supportive of me or enthusiastic about something that I'm doing when I'm asking for feedback and support and I'm telling you how difficult this is. So what is it? What is it? Jeez, this is tough to get to, right? This is really tough. How often does it take us two hours to answer a question, right? I'm trying to get in your shoes. Okay, so I'm saying this is a really tough journey, man. This has been really brutal. This is really hard. I'd love some feedback. Here's some live streams of me reading the book. And so saying, you know, great job, or you got this, or, you know, I really want you to finish this book or hang in there or like anything sort of not even really about the content of the book, just encouraging, encouraging, giving me some fuel, giving me some prop up, giving me, okay, why is that? Why is that so impossible? Why?

[1:59:34] Because it's a wound, right? Because it's a wound, and maybe it's a wound you don't know you have. And maybe the wound is twofold. Maybe this is why it's so complex. Maybe the wound is, A, you didn't get praise and enthusiasm, when you were a kid, and B, maybe you feel like think you're not doing enough with your life that's praiseworthy and will generate enthusiasm so maybe it's a double wound maybe it's a wound from the past that you didn't get it and maybe it's a wound in the present that you're under living you're you're you're undershooting you're under achieving and so you if you give me praise for a big difficult deadly dangerous task that I've taken on, that you then might feel that you need to take on something big and, difficult and praiseworthy.

[2:00:51] Where is the book available? You just scroll up. It's in the chat, the feed. So when I say I need some fuel, it kind of feels like I'd be giving a piece of myself. And it's true that I've had a large lack of feedback in life myself, right? I've been alone hiking in cold snow in the mountain, overlooking the city and came to tears, thinking about how important your work is and how grateful I am to have known you. Thank you, Simpsons. That's really beautiful. I've tracked my whole life. I've trekked my whole life without getting this, on the verge of crying hearing this. I appreciate that openness. Working from home opens this wound, my case. Hiding yourself physically from the population is your case. Because we all create, right? We all create and we all produce. And from the first time we produce a piece of art, our lollipop figures, we all create, we produce things. And why is it painful to be enthusiastic about something that someone else is doing? Hmm.

[2:02:13] Why? What does it cost? What does it cost to say to me, great job? I'll always try to support you, Steph, by donating when I can. Your work is timeless. People are applying in the future. And I appreciate that. Listen, and I appreciate the donations. I obviously do. Got bills to pay. But this is not about that. Because if you say, I don't need to help Steph because I'm giving him money, you're saying my parents bought me shit rather than loved me. And that was fine. I got a new bike. Like, nobody wanted to play Monopoly with me. I got Pokemon cards. Nobody wanted to build a fort with me. I got stuff, not love. So you say, I give money to Steph, and that buys me out of enthusiasm. Like your parents gave you stuff, and then they say, well, we loved you, we bought you this, that, and the other. We took you to Disneyland. We got you a new bike. We got you that computer you wanted, you know? So people say they're buying, not supporting me when I fairly clearly expressed that I need it. They're buying, not supporting me by giving money.

[2:03:36] Money, and therefore to ask, ah, okay, so then if I say I need some support, people say, I gave you money, how greedy could you be, right? Yeah, material provisions rather than emotional connection, right.

[2:04:01] Right? If Steph needs my support, again, it's a one-minute email, right, over the past 13 or 14 months of this incredibly grueling book. If Steph needs my support, what does that mean? If Steph needs my support, I get the pain. I get the sorrow. There's like a deep, wretched sorrow down there, right? If Steph needs my help, I'm more powerful than I think. If Steph needs my help, he's not a superhero, but a human being just like me, and therefore I can do some of what he does. I can't outsource. He's not a superhero. If Steph needs my help, if Steph needs my support, if Steph needs my praise, if Steph needs my enthusiasm, if Steph needs my fuel, then I'm not watching philosophy. I'm part of philosophy. He's not superhuman. Yeah, praise puts us on an equal footing, a peer relationship, right? But it's more than that. It's more than that. What the hell is down there?

[2:05:29] I don't know what this means, but there's something chained. There's something or someone chained down there. It's like a slave mentality. Because you never have to praise the slave. You only beat the slave. To praise is to elevate, to put on equal. And our society is so hierarchical from schools often to churches to parents. Our society is so hierarchical that praise brings equality. And praise breaks the hierarchy that keeps us in the dungeon. Praise breaks open the skylight and propels us out into the sunlight, praise means you're important and praise means that everyone who starved you of praise built that dungeon brick by brick around your heart, what's terrible is I have praised you through email and I never got a response Once, right, okay, Evan, I get that you think it's all about you. I get that. But this is about the community. It's not all about you. I know it really is tough to focus on other people. I'm really trying to focus on you guys here. What the hell is down there?

[2:06:53] What is down there? It's great sorrow. Ah, man, it's hard. It's a hard one.

[2:07:23] The Impact of Enthusiasm

[2:07:24] What happens when, as children, nobody's enthusiastic about what we do? As children we don't get enthusiasm it strips us of our potential it strips us of our depth and meaning to others it strips us of what we think we can achieve in the world, it's it shaves down our capacities it shaves down our sense of ourselves doesn't it? What teacher was ever enthusiastic? I did have a couple of teachers who were quite enthusiastic about my writing.

[2:08:17] And my mother was quite enthusiastic about my writing, as that had more to do with her relationship with her father, who was a writer. Thank you, I appreciate that tip. So, what is down there? The void of enthusiasm that I face in the community is the community communicating something to me.

[2:08:53] You can feel so deprived of attention when someone else shines, you feel jealous. That's some darkness. Maybe. So I put heart, mind, body, and soul out in a very difficult project that a lot of people in the community asked me to tackle. And I get nothing back in return because Because maybe this is it. Okay, so what does peaceful parenting do? Peaceful parenting flattens the hierarchy that is purely biological and power-based and says all parents and children are equal under morality. So there's a hierarchy, the blood-dripping hierarchy, right? It's like a bladed ladder that the blood drips down. So the hierarchy is because the parents are powerful, the teachers are powerful, the state is powerful, they're powerful.

[2:09:55] What the book Peaceful Parenting does, and I repeatedly make this point, repeatedly remake this point in the book, what Peaceful Parenting does is it says, you know how God is so infinite that everybody is equally flat underneath God, right? So God is so infinite, everybody's equally flat under God. lot. It's sort of like saying, if you look at the difference between here and Betelgeuse, like whatever, 300 light years. So you got a guy, a tall guy and a short guy standing on the top of the world, straight up to Betelgeuse. It's 300 light years. It doesn't matter how tall or short the guy is, right? It doesn't matter how tall or short the guy is when you look at the distance of Betelgeuse. It's the difference of 300 light years plus or minus a couple of fucking inches. Doesn't matter at all. So, peaceful parenting flattens the hierarchy. That everybody is infinitely flat relative to universal morality. And in fact, peaceful parenting inverts the hierarchy by saying that children are of a higher moral status and requirement than parents are.

[2:11:13] So the lack of enthusiasm, makes you small makes you weak drains you of resources enthusiasm is a vital fuel it's like how when I worked up north it got so cold we had to add jet fuel to our propane just to be warm enough overnight and wake up with frostbite, oh man sorry so So...

[2:11:42] The lack of enthusiasm from people in your life, the lack of fuel, diminishes you, flattens you, and your parents get taller as a result. The Peaceful Parenting book inverts that, and you're now taller than your parents. You're now deserving of higher moral standards than your parents. Your parents have higher moral requirements than you. So it inverts this hierarchy.

[2:12:14] Relative to absolute standards. So both parents and children are infinitely below UPB, but the children are now a little taller because they're closer. You have higher requirements for UPB for children than you do for parents because children have so little choice. So up there is not UPB, up there is the gods, is the parents, the preachers, are the teachers, the policeman, the state, up there. And how do we, how do they stay up there? By draining us of enthusiasm, by draining us of fuel, by flattening us relative to their infinite height, by giving us nothing, deflating us, making us worker drones, fluorescent light bulb worker bees.

[2:13:24] And this shrinks authority, it shrinks power, it shrinks hierarchy by taking where we've experienced the most brutal hierarchy as children. Even if your parents were great, there was school. Even if school was great, there's the state. Even if everything's great, there's the shitty curriculum and the bullying. So...

[2:13:51] Everyone's infinitely up there by making you small. The Peaceful Parenting book puts everyone at the same level, kids a little higher, and the moral standards, the philosophy is the universal, is the infinite, is the everything. So if you have to give me enthusiasm and you view me as up there, it's inverting the natural hierarchy. The natural hierarchy, or to flatten the hierarchy, is parents give children enthusiasm. Great job, fantastic, I love spending time with you, you're so much fun, let's spend more time together, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? So your parents bring you to equality by investing in you enthusiasm and excitement and joy and fuel. It's not fuel, it's not quite, the fuel is for the adults, for the journey. Nutrition, the nutrition of enthusiasm has you grow tall.

[2:15:04] So if you view me as a parent, as a, what do you say, the intellectual giant or whatever, if you view me in that way, and I say, give me enthusiasm, ah, that's it, it's the resentful child. It's the resentful child whose, it's the resentful child whose parent is giving them nothing, and then the parent says, give me something, and it's like, fuck you, I won't. Fuck you, I won't. You owe me, dad. You owe me, mom. You owe me, teacher, preacher, state, principal. You owe me. How dare you ask me for something when you owe me everything.

[2:15:47] So I become the authority figure the authority figure starved you of fuel and enthusiasm and the nutrition of excitement and pleasure at your company and your potential so you were starved, by people like me and that I have the audacity, to demand food from you? How dare you? Fuck, I'm not giving you a goddamn thing. I'm not giving you a thing because you starved me and you fat bastard want my last fucking crumb and I have to feed off this crumb for the rest of my life. I have to find some way to drag my ass through the day with my own self-generated enthusiasm or at least avoidance of depression and despair. I'm crossing the desert with virtually no water. You waterlogged bastard is flying around in a swimming pool demanding, give me water. Fuck you.

[2:17:02] You got everything. You got everything from me. You stole from me. And now you want me to give to you, Steph? All the people in authority robbed me blind. And then they demand more and more and more and more. Well, if you want a return on your investment, maybe you should have invested something. I mean, how many entitled parents of listeners have I talked or heard from over the years? When you ask them how much do they want, the only answer is more, more, more.

[2:17:58] So I'm the authority figure. I'm the parent. And I'm saying, I need. And you hear the narcissistic parent devouring you alive. I have nothing to give because you hollowed me out with all your historical needs, right? I'm excavated. I'm robbed blind. I'm an empty library. I'm a dusty, cobwebby, pillaged treasure chest. And you come and you want things from me. You're the one who stole from me, and now you want the one coin I have left that I need for myself. Like the boomers, right? Like the boomers. You guys handed us $200 trillion in unfunded liabilities, and you have the nerve to demand increases in Social Security? When does it end? We're out of blood, you vampires!

[2:19:23] Thank you.

[2:19:34] Is it something like that? I resent anyone I view as an authority asking me for a single goddamn thing. I'll be fucked. If I'll give, any... It's like a form for the tax collectors. Well, you owe this much in taxes, but you could also give me $5,000 more if you want. No. No. No. Hey, who would like extra homework for the weekend? You're already taking half my free time. You a-hole of a teacher, you're... You're already taking so much, and now you want more.

[2:20:41] Right. Now, do you know the antidote to feeling pillaged? Do you know what the antidote, and this is why it's so hard to figure out, do you know what the antidote is to feeling pillaged? What's the antidote to the feeling of being exploited and pillaged?

[2:21:07] How do you solve it?

[2:21:15] Puma answered, pillage others. No, but they were never pillaged. What is the antidote to feeling pillaged? No, not rage. It's not knowing your worth. And listen, I don't want this to have anything to do with me. Nothing to do with donations, nothing to do with praise for me or fuel for the book. I don't want this to have anything to do with me at all, because I want you to not act in any way that's beneficial to me based upon what I'm saying here, all right? Just so you know, because it's not a donation pitch. Don't think of me at all. I want you to think of the people in your life. The antidote to feeling pillaged is being generous. Because being generous says I'm in a state where I'm no longer exploited. Be generous. If you're hoarding, you're continually being stolen from, which means you can never have any fuel or generosity or trust or bond or connection or love. Love, be generous. Listen, I've had the living shit pillaged out of me in just about every scenario known to man.

[2:22:42] I won't even go through all the lists. I've been pillaged in every conceivable way known to man. So it was tough for me, give away the shows for free, give away the books for free, give away the call-ins for free. Right? What was the antidote to feeling exploited? Being generous. When you're generous, you say, I'm no longer in a situation of enslavement, of being at the bottom of the fucking hierarchy. Being generous reprograms your brain to a situation of abundance rather than exploitation.

[2:23:28] Generosity shocks your system out of hoarding and guarding and being stingy. Now, will some people in your life exploit your generosity? Absolutely. I'm not saying be an idiot. I'm not saying be an oasis open to anyone who wants to take everything. Because if generosity is a value, it's a value for everyone. So be generous and see who's generous back. And whoever's generous back, hold on to those people with everything you've got. Do you see what I'm saying? Be generous. That shocks your system into stop hoarding, right? Stop hoarding. You're not being pillaged. You're not in a dungeon. You're not being exploited. You're not surrounded by vampires. Be generous. And see who's generous back. You see, I got out, like, the woman I almost married would have been, not a terrible person, but it wouldn't have been the right marriage for me at all. Would have been a disaster.

[2:24:46] One of the ways I got out of that relationship was being very generous. And seeing if she was going to be, like, because it was always like, okay, I'll give a little bit, see if she gives a little bit. I'll give a little bit more. Oh, she's giving me a little bit less. I'll hoard. Oh, forget it. Just be generous. I made her a whole damn movie. Wrote, produced, funded a whole damn movie. And then I said, hey, maybe you could help me with one of my novels. She's like, eh, you haven't really motivated me to. I'm like, okay. So I guess we're done.

[2:25:17] Be generous and see who reciprocates. And the people who reciprocate are people who will provide you and you will provide them constant fuel on the rocky climbs of life. But if you're constantly hoarding, generous people will avoid you. You won't have, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you hoard, the more stingy people you will have around you or the more exploiters. And the generous people will avoid you because they know you won't give back. And really, this is sort of one of the things that I was saying. I was being generous with the book. I've been generous with my, you know, trauma and difficulty and right. But can it come back? And I think the whole message of this conversation tonight is, Steph, I need you to call out my stinginess. I need you to call out my lack of generosity because it's trapping me in the underworld. It's trapping. I was put in the dungeon. Now I'm staying here. Are you generous? Are you enthusiastic? enthusiastic. Do you tell people great job? Are you generous with your time, attention, energy, whatever? Are you generous? Abundance mindset. I know it's cheesy as hell, but it really matters and it's really true.

[2:26:45] If you're stingy, you have other stingy people in your life or people who are trying to pry your last $5 out of your hand.

[2:27:05] The generosity is the freedom from hierarchy. Generosity breaks the chains forged and shackled upon you by the exploiters. I think it's really painful for people to say, Steph, I'm going to give you some emotional fuel for this brutal book you're working on that you've really been open about. You know, Steph, you give so much fuel to other people, like I can at least give you some back. It's a short circuit here. Stinginess maintains hierarchy. You're at the bottom, everyone's grabbing at you from everywhere else.

[2:28:05] Generosity says, I can generate my own energy. I can provide energy. If you're hoarding and can't be enthusiastic and can't be generous in that way, That's a very powerful thing, I think.

[2:28:42] The Power of Generosity

[2:28:43] Do you think we got there? I think we got there. And I think this book just short-circuits that whole thing because it's about parenting it's about family which is brutal hierarchy for most of us, and then me as the authority figure when talking about the family gets cross-referenced with the parents, who were stingy and took and then I say I need and the rebellion, avoids Does that make sense? I hope this makes sense. I'm not trying to boil it down too much. But I also don't want to be over-florid. Because this book is about the family. Now, I'm not sure exactly why the other books, but this book in particular, I think.

[2:29:44] Steph, your message is brilliant tonight. Much love. Thanks, Nina. I appreciate that. Yesterday's show was very powerful. Ha ha, past tense. The thought that brought me to tears that day, oh, on the mountain, was thinking about all the people out there who really need your work. Right, and there's a reason why my reputation is savage so that people don't get the work. Well, it's It's the thief who steals all your stuff and then wants you to donate to him. Also, hypocritical parental greed because they give praise to others. Yes, for sure. That's part of the torture, right? Is that they're enthusiastic to everyone except you. Loving the stream tonight. Good, yeah. I think we got into a good flow state. It was a long way down, man. It was a long way down. Let me ask you this, and we can close on this, right? So let me ask you this. How hard is it for you to give praise to yourself? How hard is it for you? Because that's been a fundamental fuel of mine, right? And I'm trying to learn how to rely more on others.

[2:31:10] How hard is it, or easies it for you to give praise to yourself. You're right, Steph. By the way, I found you on InfoWars when you did a video call. Yeah, that was so long ago. It was, wasn't it? Yeah. Yes, you got there today. This is a good reminder because I have rescinded my generosity a bit after engaging with some trash planetians. It's important not to be gullible instead. Yeah. It's very tough, right? Right self-praise is really really tough really hard right so i think part of also withholding praise from me is so that you get the um you get the demonstration of me surviving a lack of praise maybe that's i'm 50 50 i'm praising myself right now you understand appraising yourself like i know that there's people out there and i say like i really did a great job of a peaceful parenting It's like, oh, pat yourself on the back much. I don't, don't get a hand sprain, patting yourself on the back. It's like, you know, like it's really tough. It's really tough. It's really tough.

[2:32:23] And of course, praising others can be a form of manipulating them, right? Like it's like giving people, you know, carrots rather than sticks. So punishment, like criticizing people is a way of getting them to not do what you don't want them to do. Praising them is a way of getting them to, right? Like you say to a woman, oh, you're so beautiful when all you want to do is sleep with her or whatever, right? Somebody says, you say it's difficult. It's difficult for you to give yourself praise, right? It's very difficult. 50-50, yeah? No problem at all giving myself praise. Good. Good, good. It should be some problem. It should be some problem. I should be earned. I'm not saying it's not, right? Throughout most of my life, it's been very difficult to give myself any praise or credit, but the last year, thanks to you, I do give myself credit. Good for you.

[2:33:06] Honestly, Steph, I've only started giving myself praise some months ago during a live stream where you pointed out the issues with false humility. Yeah, false humility is just another form of hypocrisy. I'll get nagging thoughts, and I'll have to stop and say, no, I got here, didn't I? Self-praise and love is hard i find it's hardest to love yourself lots of people self-talk is stuff they'd never tell other people oh yeah for sure yeah for sure you'd never say this to someone else you say to yourself it was very difficult for me to praise myself pre-fdr right used to find it very hard to praise people for that reason i always viewed it as manipulative not as much now that i'm a mom but still a fight you got some lucky kids my lady you got some lucky Lucky kids, my sister in thought, you got some lucky kids with that level of self-knowledge, man. Good for you. Good for you. That's amazing. Lucky, lucky kids.

[2:34:01] It's beautiful.

[2:34:14] Self-Praise and Generosity Reflection

[2:34:15] All right. I think we got there. I think we should still maybe chat about it this weekend. If the donors are around, we can maybe do it on Sunday. But yeah, I think it's an important topic. And, you know, this is, I think, what vulnerability and openness can be really helpful for, right? I think you're overlooking the incredible danger of peaceful parenting. Well, that would be an argument to praise me more for taking it on, right? So if somebody's doing something incredibly necessary and dangerous, right? Let's say that I was running into a house to save five children and a dog from a burning building, right? People would say they would praise me more because it was dangerous, right? Does that make sense? sense so the danger of peaceful parenting would be a reason to praise me more not less wouldn't it so i don't see that i don't see that i don't see that one.

[2:35:16] Yeah maybe we'll uh let's do it um i maybe i'll do the first i can do on sunday i can do the first hour general and then maybe at noon we can switch and do the second hour donor only we do a voice chat. I think that would be, it's really important. I think we got probably 70 to 80% of it, but I think there's still more, but it's too big a meal for one sitting, I think. I think it's a very big and deep thing. And I really do appreciate everybody's feedback on this. It's been a real privilege to explore this with you. I really thank you so much for all of this, right? It's really great to be able to have these kinds of conversations. I do feel really privileged and honored to be able to chat about this stuff with you. But running into a burning building does not challenge the bystander's fundamental beliefs, but not your fundamental beliefs. That's my point. It's not your fundamental beliefs. So I'm not asking for the average, normally to praise me for it.

[2:36:13] So, this is an important, thank you for bringing it up. Yeah, I think it is an important topic. I think it is an important topic. I think enthusiasm and praise is a kind of fuel. It is a kind of fuel, and we're often starved for it as kids. And the woke thing just snuffs it completely. You gave us something to walk away with and apply in our lives. Great stuff tonight. Good, good. All right. Well, listen, guys, thank you so much. If you're listening, don't donate now, because this is about generosity within your own thoughts and lives if you're listening to this later you find this to be helpful i would really appreciate your support at freedom i'm not banning you from doing it i'm just saying don't do it as a result of this because this is not primarily about a donation pitch i'm not saying don't donate i'm just saying don't do it because of this because this is really about generosity in in your life freedom.com donate you can join the community at freedomain.locals.com, and you can also join at subscribestar.com slash freedomain, and yeah, just in case you want to check it out, I'll paste the link here, rss.com slash podcast slash peaceful parenting. Doesn't really matter the case, I don't think. That's rss.com slash podcasts slash peaceful parenting, and thank you everyone so much for your feedback tonight.

[2:37:34] Absolutely fantastic. And I really appreciate everybody's, the defenses and the pushback and all of that was glorious. And I think we should all be very proud of what we achieved tonight. I think it was really, really great. And this is part of the participation that makes this community so fantastic. All right. Lots of love, everyone. Take care. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

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