0:26 - Business Sharks and Dolphins
5:17 - Questions and Comments
6:17 - Halloween Musings
8:05 - The Importance of Staying High
10:33 - Parenting in the Past
14:58 - The Role of Community
20:53 - Negative Influences
25:44 - Modern Women and Independence
27:55 - The State of Education
34:29 - The Discipline Dilemma
39:07 - Freddie Mercury's Legacy
46:49 - The Impact of Childhood Trauma
50:51 - Loneliness in Fame
53:36 - Abusive Relationships
55:21 - Changing Minds
1:03:18 - The Purpose of Emotions
1:06:18 - The Nature of Friendship
1:24:58 - The Ripple Effects of Corruption
1:28:22 - The Consequences of Inviting Abuse
1:32:39 - Final Thoughts and Community Updates
In this episode, I explore the duality of being both a friendly and ruthless individual in business and personal encounters. Sharing a blend of humorous reflection and candid honesty, I delve into the nuance of how one can embody the traits of both a benign dolphin and a fierce shark. It all begins with the often-quoted notion of being nice until it's time to be not nice—a principle I firmly believe in practice.
I recount personal experiences from my business past where my initial eagerness to foster positive relationships was met with betrayal and disrespect. Once crossed, however, my resolution morphs into a relentless pursuit of retribution that is both calculated and unrepentant. This tactic not only allows me to maintain my integrity but also provides a clear boundary that often leaves others in confusion. I advocate becoming an ally of positivity, as it maintains moral high ground, ensuring that any necessary coldness in response to unreasonable conduct comes devoid of guilt.
As I unpack these themes, I address listener inquiries, which range from familiar yet pressing concerns about professional dynamics to broader societal issues. I reflect on how our upbringing shapes our perspectives and influencing our interactions, delving into instances of collective disconnection in modern parenting and community involvement. The arbitrary geographic and social fragmentation of today contrasts starkly with the interactive, playful environments of earlier generations, where children roamed freely and socialization came naturally.
Transitioning to emotional fortitude, I touch on the power dynamics of personal relationships and conflict. Whether discussing abusive family ties or workplace disputes, I emphasize a strategy of direct communication paired with stoic resolve, where the clarity in one’s convictions serves as a guidepost. If conflicts arise, they should be engaged upon with absolute certainty in one's moral position and purpose.
Throughout our discussion, I interject with modern-day critiques of social trends and cultural downturns, citing disturbing incidents ranging from self-absorbed influencer behavior to the education system’s failures in cultivating necessary life skills, exposing an alarming societal malaise. I question how these issues tie back to individual responsibility and the role of community in personal development and conflict resolution.
Finally, I address the lingering question of how we assess relationships with others in our lives, especially as we navigate the complexity of emotional investments and the impact of negative influences. I argue for a proactive approach to fostering healthy environments—a necessary precursor to self-discipline and personal accountability.
Join me for an engaging journey as we dissect the delicate balance of kindness and assertiveness, the importance of emotional health, the influence of our past, and how we can navigate modern challenges with wisdom and strength.
[0:01] Well well good evening everybody for those who are late we had a song quiz you'll have to go back and dig it up from the archives but it was very 80s most 80s you can dance if you want to, anyway were you a shark back in your business days would people have been intimidated by you well you know it's kind of a funny thing it's kind of a funny thing it's a bit of a british thing as a whole. Maybe it's a British thing.
[0:27] But I'm a dolphin and a shark. I am a dolphin and a shark. So this is an old quote. I think it's from Roadhouse or something like that. Like, it's important to be nice until it's important to not be nice. And it's an odd thing that I can completely understand people being confused about and annoyed about. Because I'm, you know, very consideratory. I'm very friendly. I'm very positive. I like people. I like the truth. But when it comes time to be cold, if not downright cruel, I have no problem with that.
[1:06] Again, this is a bit of a British thing, which is, yeah, you know, if we're friendly, we get along great. But I revel in the harm done to my enemies, and I have no problem with any of that kind of stuff. So I have, I'm not a man with too many faces. The mask I wear is one. So in the business world or in most things, and you can see me, I remember there was an interview, was it in New Zealand? Was it in New Zealand with a guy where like, Hey, I mean, I'm friendly. And then if things go the other way i'm like okay i can switch i can switch so i am uh i know people find it kind of confusing right i don't know if it's wrath of the awakened saxon or something like that but um one of the things about being nice and being positive and friendly is that if things go south you can completely uncork your your beast with no like oh it was my fault i I should have done things differently. So I'm really, really nice until niceness very clearly isn't going to work, right? I'm really nice until very clearly niceness isn't going to work. And then the good thing about that is I can be not nice and like with no, um.
[2:35] With no fear that I did the wrong thing, if that makes sense, right? So I was not a shark backer by business. I was very friendly, very eager to do business, very happy to be positive. But if people repeatedly shafted me, I would work for their destruction with no conscience or compunction or anything like, hey man, gave you every chance in the world to do this the right way. And if you don't want to do it the right way, I guess we'll do it that way. But that's 100% on you. I gave it every chance of positivity, and then I'm ruthless.
[3:09] And then I am ruthless, and I cannot be turned back. So, I mean, way back in the day, there was somebody who screwed me over in business, and I tried to sit down afterwards, and I tried to work things out, and I tried to have things go well, and I basically got scorned, mocked, and so on, right? So, I had two meetings, and after that, I went straight to the courts and turned the screws, and I remember the guy was sending me a message, like, he was so sad because his father was dying, and couldn't I cut him a break? And I'm like, no, no, I sailed on, and I got everything out of him and more that he had taken from me. And, like, I've never thought about it really since, and I don't care that his father died, and if that was even true, like, I don't care. I'm as nice as possible, and that way, if things go south, I have no problem or compunction going balls to the wall. And I have found that to be a pretty good approach in life, to be as nice as possible, and then if things go bad, i have no uh restraint in revenge uh that's uh the way that i mean obviously legal peaceful blah blah blah all the usual uh caveats right so uh that's no i wasn't a shark at all.
[4:36] But when people crossed me and wouldn't reason with me uh then i work for their uh work i mean i i got bosses fired right who were unreasonable and and wouldn't listen um i would you know it's It's not that hard, you just get their boss in a meeting and provoke them until they explode and then they get fired, right? It's just, I'll work peacefully and tirelessly for the bad guy's destruction if, I mean, obviously, you know, business, right? Nothing personal. But yeah, I mean, I'm very, very nice until I'm not, and then there's no nice left to appeal to, if that makes sense. I hope that makes some kind of sense. All right, let's see here.
[5:18] Let's get to your questions and comments.
[5:24] Would people have been intimidated by you? No, no. And this I understand with people. They think because I'm very nice, they can just take advantage, right? And then when, you know, Punisher Cold Stef makes his appearance, people are like, whoa. And it's like, no, come on. I mean, don't be silly, right? Joe says, Stef, seems like people are waking up and seeing the intellectual dark web guys like Brett Weinstein or a bunch of commies. Well, I don't know that they're a bunch of commies, but they, they were the guys, wasn't it Peterson, and they wanted Kavanaugh to resign or something like that? I mean, oh my God. That was so, that was really, really pathetic. Really pathetic. Why is having a beard a prerequisite to doing philosophy? I don't know. I'm sure that's sexist in some way. Oh, dear. I don't know. You're just, you're too busy thinking to shave. You're too busy thinking. Any plans for Halloween?
[6:18] No, I'm 58 years old. I mean, other than if my daughter wants to go somewhere, but I think she's got places to go and people to see. So I don't have any plans for Halloween. What is that? It's tomorrow, right? Yeah, yeah, tomorrow. No, no, I don't have any plans for Halloween. I mean, other than having a vague, I vaguely miss candy. I vaguely miss candy. All right, let's see here.
[6:43] Be nice until it's time to not be nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's fine. Yeah, be very nice, and that way, if things go south, like, if you scale someone down, then you don't know if it's you or them who've drawn the discourse down, right? If you're just like someone starts being irrational and then you start being irrational right alongside with them, you don't have the prerequisite certainty that it's not your fault to be decisive in pushback, right? Whereas if they go down, they go low, they're not reasoning, they're not listening, they're not responding, they're not being, and you just stay high, then when it comes time to do your thing, you don't have any doubt, like, well, I couldn't have done this any better, or anything like that. And it's really, really important, because if you're going to engage in conflict, you cannot afford doubt. Right? I'm telling you this straight up, right? If you end up engaging in conflict, you can't have any doubt. Because I can guarantee you that the people you're engaged in conflict with don't have any doubt. But probably for bad reasons, right? But if you're going to engage in conflict, avoid it until you have no doubt. And then when you have no doubt, go all in. Go all in.
[8:06] Go all in.
[8:10] He says, I think that is great from a negotiation and leadership standpoint with good people, because then they'll know that you're a good person based on your actions. Although if you're not happy with something they did, people of quality will want to shape up because they trust your judgment. I don't know about that. I'm not sure I follow that.
[8:26] How did parents in the past raise like 16 kids? Raising one is considered a full-time job nowadays, despite labor-saving devices and greater wealth.
[8:35] Well, remember that children were economic net positives from five or six onwards, right? I mean, you live on a farm, you go hunting and so on, right? And the kids are, they're used to collect eggs. They're used to chase away birds. They're used to help sharpen the spears for hunting. They're used for a variety of tasks. And that makes them economic net positive. Now, of course, there's this like totally funky situation where young people are not expected to be economically net positive until their mid-20s. You know, like, hey, man, you know, graduate from high school, a couple of years in college, then you got to go travel, and you got to go consume, and you got to go above. And, you know, after that, you know, maybe you'll settle into some kind of job in your mid-20s. And it's like, okay, so we've just turned our children relentlessly negative. Thank you, Anthony. So, I mean, in the past, of course, children, I mean, I worked, contributed to the household income from the age of 10 onwards, right? So when you had 17 kids, you gave them tasks, you transferred your skills to them in return for them being economically productive. You know, you ever go to these, sometimes you go to these convenience stores where there's like a 10-year-old behind the counter because everybody in the family pitches in.
[9:52] So if you choose conflict, make sure you know you'll win. No, I don't think that's a necessity. It's not, no, it's not make sure you know you'll win. It's make sure you don't self-sabotage yourself with doubt, right?
[10:05] Right? If you're engaged in a conflict, if you're going to engage in a conflict, you cannot engage in a conflict productively if you're not absolutely certain you're in the right. If you're not absolutely certain, you're in the right. Raising children was always more of a community effort. Moms would share the work. Society is more atomized now. Yeah, for sure. Well, and of course, in the past, it seems to be that there's, maybe this has something to do with Putnam's study on diversity.
[10:33] It's called Bowling Alone, I think it's, well, he wrote a whole book about it. So, diverse neighborhoods, particularly, well, I mean, to some degree religious, to some degree ethnic, diverse neighborhoods just lower social trust. And I don't know the people that just feel comfortable. Like when I was a kid, geez, I mean, I remember my brother and a babysitter went downtown and I was like probably four or five years old. I was just wandering the neighborhood, playing with kids and poking around in little ponds and looking for tadpoles. And I don't...
[11:06] I don't, uh, that, that seems to be gone. I mean, now, what do they call them now? Bedroom communities, right? Where everyone, uh, they goes to work, they go, their kids are in daycare, then they're in afterschool program, sorry, they're in daycare or afterschool programs in school, afterschool programs. And then at night they're all doing homework or, and then the weekends they go. So you basically don't have kids out roaming the neighborhood. You know, I was describing this to my daughter. Like I grew up on a council estate. Estate is a big highfalutin term, but basically it was really heavily rent subsidized little apartments. And every time I would step outside there'd be 10 to 20 kids to play with and no supervision, no adults, no structure, no Chuck E. Cheese, no arcades, no bowling. We had nothing but sticks, sunshine, grass and imagination to do things. And this is how I know that voluntarism works is because as a kid I made up games with other kids, they made up games with me, we enforced all the rules, and ostracism was, if you didn't play by the rules, you just wouldn't get invited to the next one, right?
[12:13] So, in the past, there was somewhat labor-intensive stuff early, but then around the age of five or six onwards, right? You know, there's these old jokes about like 80s moms, you know, they just throw a bag of popsicles on the ground and say, if you get thirsty, then just drink from the garden hose and I don't want to see you back until the streetlights are on. Just go, go. Like they just drove you out and off you went, right? We had our cobbled together bikes of seven colors. We drove around. We went garbage picking. We would pick up a dented can of beans and cook them in the woods. We would go hiking. We would just, you know, we had no money really, but we would go and find things to do and we were barely home and that's not a thing. That's not a thing.
[13:02] Somebody says, I've done that a few times with my job. When dealing with higher level executive people who are sharky, I go in with some doubt and then get eaten alive because I self-sabotage. Right. Right. Yeah. Do not engage in conflict unless you're absolutely certain that you're in the right and that you will take every reasonable and legitimate means to ensure victory.
[13:24] Right. So, I mean, when I got people fired, I would never lie about them. I would never spread rumors or false. I would never sabotage them. I would never screw up their work. I would never do anything like that. I'd just have them show their true colors. Are you a Heinz beans and toast guy? I, you know, I can't spend, you know, beans, beans, good for the heart. The more you eat, the more you fart. I just can't do it. I can't spend my whole day cocking my ass at 45 degrees and trying to give birth to the ghost of flatulence. I just, I can't do it. It's like a friend of mine, many, many years ago, he tried the five bean... Diet, some sort of five bean diet. And he's like, nope, can't do it. I mean, yeah, I can't really do Heinz beans and toast. I very rarely will eat. And plus the baked beans now, I don't know if this is the case when I was a kid, but they're just sugar bombs now, aren't they? Like, did you ever go through this awakening where you just look at shit in the supermarket? Like, what the hell's that doing in here? It's tomato sauce. Why is there sugar here? It's beans. Why is there sugar here? Why is there sugar here? Makes no sense to me. Makes no sense to me. Um, Stef, do you think Trump will win the election? Boy, that's, that's kind of politics, right? Uh, I think he's got the numbers. I don't know, A, if he's going to win, even though he has the numbers, or B, even if he does win, uh, whether he'll be allowed to enact anything, so.
[14:50] Five bean diet that doesn't sound right bro well it sounded pretty.
[14:59] It's not good when you can play revelé under the table right that's not good that's not good, here's just a reminder don't forget to check out my novels the present is a great book audio audio book read by me a trained actor so all right, my daughter was chubby now is slim and attractive says someone she's 14 as her father i want to encourage her being attractive and dress nicely but i feel weird about it should i be complimenting her looks etc um i think you can say you look pretty or that's a nice outfit or something like that yeah i think that's great um i i don't think there's anything wrong with honestly complimenting um if your child looks nice in a particular outfit or whatever i mean obviously wouldn't comment on her body, but, uh, I would say that, uh, yeah, be honest, right? She looks pretty. See, it's a lovely outfit. You look, you look lovely, right? Sure. Yeah. When my daughter goes to formal dances, it just, she looks fantastic. And right. So what do you do if during the conflict, they bring up some points that make you doubt yourself?
[16:09] What do you do if during the conflict they bring up some points that make you doubt yourself? Well, I think I already answered this. I think I've already answered this. So, if you have been nice and the other person has been conflict-focused and hostile and aggressive and negative and all of that sort of stuff, right? If that's the case, then they have no credibility, right? Then whoever is opposing you has no credibility, right? And so whatever they bring up, you can just dismiss, right?
[16:52] Whatever you bring up, whatever you bring up, sorry, whatever they bring up, you can automatically dismiss. Does this make sense? Right, so when I was in conflict with someone in the business world, I'd already tried being nice so whatever they bring up doesn't matter because they are off my list of credibility, like you can't go into a conflict with someone and give them credibility as well, right, you deal with the issue of credibility before you get into the conflict by trying to be reasonable and if they simply reject reason and counterattack and sabotage and you're like, whatever, right? Then you're like, okay, so now they're off my list of credibility. So it doesn't matter. You know, it's the whole question of what do you do when an asshole says you're an asshole?
[17:52] You ignore them. Of course you do. Because if they knew what an asshole was, and they disapproved of assholes, they wouldn't be an asshole. So if an asshole calls you an asshole, why you'd listen to that is completely beyond me.
[18:07] So, you just, you have to have, like, once you're in conflict with someone, real conflict with someone, then they can't have any credibility with you, right? Like, the guy who's, like, I was putting him through the ringer in the court system, and he was like, oh, but my father died. I'm like, I mean, if empathy mattered to you, you wouldn't have screwed me over in the first place.
[18:40] If empathy mattered to you, I wouldn't have had to take you to court. Right? So why would I listen to somebody who now is claiming empathy? Is an important motive in human, I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but I'm not happy the guy's father died. But the idea is like, ah, but I screwed you over, you had to take me to court, and now I'm facing a huge judgment and now I'm sad and you've got to have empathy for me. It's like, it's just a it's a con, right? It's a con. So, by the time you're in conflict with someone they can't have any credibility. If they still have credibility with you, then go talk to them some more. Right? Go talk to them some more. Like, I'm sorry I can't get into various details about these things for obvious reasons, but yeah, I've taken some action behind the scenes. I've taken some action behind the scenes I've taken some action behind the scenes, but yeah once you're in conflict with someone they can't have it in credibility so what they say who cares right just dismissed right.
[19:49] Alright let me get back to your comments questions, we have a bit of a quiet audience tonight it, which is totally fine. So, big, oh yeah, no, there's something that I did want to talk about. And let me see if I can find, oh, I love this one. These TikTok influencers or social media influencers, they drowned during a yacht party because they refused to wear life jackets because they would ruin their selfies and tans. Their bodies washed up on nearby beaches days after their boat sank. I mean, I can't wear a life jacket because it doesn't show my belly. And it's like, then they just, and they died. And they died. And they died. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. It's just terrible.
[20:54] So, uh, yeah, let's just let me get to, um, let me get to this.
[21:11] All right, so, let me see. No, I'm going to find. So there was a study that was done not too, too long ago. And the study was about negative people. Negative people. So uh what these negative people did.
[21:47] Was so the way the study as a whole kind of went, was they gave people some tasks to do, and they randomly assigned a group, no negative people and then they had the tasks repeated and they assigned people, a negative person like in the group right and when the negative people were in the group a couple of things happened number one productivity dropped enormously, morale dropped enormously and conflicts rose like 50 and this is like a 45 minute task or an hour-long task.
[22:36] And that's fascinating to me, just how much negative people can affect productivity, happiness, and a relative conflict-free environment. So if you have negative people in your life, morale crashes, productivity crashes, satisfaction crashes, and conflicts are up 50%. You have 50% more conflicts just in 45 minutes to an hour. Now, of course, some of y'all have had negative people in your life for 30, 40, 50, 60 years. What has happened to your life, happiness, and quality? Right? What has happened to that, if you have these people in your life?
[23:32] Not good things, I would say. So be careful. I saw this woman that she got really mad because no man offered to her to help her carry her air conditioning unit. And she was like, so I'm like trying to get my air conditioning unit into my apartment. And like I'm struggling with it, getting out of my car. And like three men walk by and they don't ever help me. And it's like, what? Are you scared of my air conditioning unit? Do you feel too weak? Am I too intimidating? What's wrong with you? you know, this kind of really aggressive, hostile stuff, right? And, you know, I got to tell you, I just have a pretty deep affection for modern women this way. I mean, I know a lot of people are kind of mad, right?
[24:29] I know a lot of people are kind of mad about this kind of stuff. But honestly, it's delightful. It's a very, very big positive. Thank you, Lloyd. It's a very positive thing. The more that women say, I want to be strong and independent when it comes to freedoms and liberties, and then the more they say, I want traditional chivalry, when that's convenient for me, the less people will ever take this stuff seriously again in the future. Like, the present is a massive inoculation against all of this endless bullshit in the future. Now, it's kind of tough. It's kind of tough to live through it. I get that. It is kind of tough to live through it. But it won't ever have to be done again. It's just the last time. This is the last time. And that's really, it's really a positive thing. And again, I know it's no fun to live through it, but it's a very, very positive thing for this, right? So.
[25:45] This is an ergonomicon. It's a really good, brilliant, brilliant woman who posts. She wrote, Note that the connection between excess money printing, artificially low interest rates, and inaccessible real estate has been observed and understood since the time of Caesar Augustus, yet the Fed and the Biden administration deny it. This is from Suetonius' Life of Augustus, written 120 AD. Upon his bringing the treasure belonging to the kings of Egypt into the city, in his alexandrian triumph he made money so plentiful that interest fell and the price of land rose considerably ah dear oh dear um another woman wrote 25 of american high school students are functionally illiterate and innumerate illiterate and innumerate 40 to 60 of college freshmen need remedial math english or both what exactly are we spending 12 plus years of classroom education doing if kids still need remedial work at the end? Well, indoctrinating them and crippling them.
[26:50] Jordan Peterson, unfortunately, has had a rather embarrassing interaction with Dickie D, Dr. Richard Dawkins, Richard Dawkins. Jordan Peterson is talking about, well, I'm interested in real dragons because they're predators. It's like, but they don't exist. Well, but predators are dangerous and fire kills people. Is fire a predator? Well, no. Anyway, so he's like a little bit too off on the Jungian unconscious reality platonic thing. But he wrote, was it yesterday? He wrote, A naively formulated goal transmutes with time into the sinister form of the life lie.
[27:28] I'm sorry. I mean, I know I can get a tad esoteric at times, but I hope people call me out on that too. A naively formulated goal transmutes with time into the sinister form of the life lie. That is some word salad stuff, man. That is some word salad stuff. Amazing. Just amazing. Ah.
[27:55] I was hoping to find more details on that, uh, on that study. When did I find it? I don't think I did. All right. But I do have something. I'm happy to take your questions and comments and your support at freedomain.com slash donate. But yeah just especially when you're on the internet I mean it's entirely possible that people don't know what you're talking about because they can't read, so there is let me just give it to your questions well the other thing too is that why is the woman who's lugging her AC why doesn't she just ask women to help because apparently gender is a social construct so why doesn't she just ask, we meant to help.
[28:46] Somebody says, recently I've noticed that these executive guys I work with keep going to my manager about stuff that is primarily my responsibility and part of my job. They do this escalate and get the message across to me in a roundabout escalated way. The I believe I work hard, do a good job and provide a good quality of work, but I do take it to heart that these guys go to my manager instead of me. I feel like this is more of a them problem than a me problem. Them. All right, would you like to know how to solve that? Would you like to know how to solve that? Is that worth a tip to you? Would you like to know how to solve that? And in a very friendly and helpful way. Would you like some career and economic self-defense? He's typing i'm on tenterhooks, come on baby do you do more than dance just yes okay uh wait no you're not the person who asked the question joe i'm asking the person just just give me a yes or no you don't i don't need an essay.
[30:04] Okay, maybe I do. It's like that meme of like, when you accidentally call your ex, when you accidentally call your girlfriend by an ex's name, and then you're looking at that swirling typing thing for 15 minutes straight. No matter what comes through the gate, we will stand firm. For sure. And I owe you a tip on Friday, because I usually tip with fees of prepaid, so I'll have to go buy a new one. Okay. Yeah, thanks. I appreciate that. Don't make me go to your manager. Don't make me care on you, bro. All right. My word is my bond. Yeah, no problem with that. I appreciate that. All right. So if somebody keeps going to your boss to complain about something you did, go into their office, sit down and say, okay, like I'm trying to sort of figure out this company.
[30:45] I obviously want to make sure I do things the right way. So as far as I understand it, you went to my boss because you had an issue with me and that's fine. I mean, I'm just, so it's the culture in the company that I'm supposed to go to your boss if I have an issue with you or help me understand, am I supposed to talk to you directly if I have a problem with you or am I supposed to go to your boss? Because I'm just trying to understand how the company culture works here. And you can do this, you know, fresh-faced and curious and positive and happy, right? And if they say, if they call you bluff and they're like, no, no, if you have an issue with something that I'm doing, you go to my boss, not to me. Say, hey man, I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Right? And then just wait for them to make a mistake and go to their boss. And you go to their boss and you say, so-and-so told me to go to you if I have a problem with him, so I'm just doing that. And if they say, no, no, no, just come to me if you have a problem, right? Then they're going to say, no, no, no, don't bother my boss, just come to me if you have a problem. Then you say, well, I'm sorry, I'm a little confused because I think you're going to my boss, but you want me to come to you. Like, I'm not sure I, I'm not sure I follow how that culture works. Like, just be naive, be, like, they'll get the message. You can get messages across in a very positive and friendly way, right? You can get the message across in a very positive and friendly way. Thank you, Dorbens. And it's fine. They'll get the message, right? You can be very positive and very friendly. It's like, it's called a shot across the boughs, right?
[32:10] So hard to cut negative people out of our lives. I'm thinking grandparents and cousins. You know the question right it's so hard to cut negative people out of your life, well compared to what he says haha that's unbelievably helpful yeah just yeah if people go into your boss just go and say oh i guess we go to bosses now is that the thing right, So, compared to what? Yes, it's difficult. So what? What in life that is worthwhile is not difficult? Do you think philosophy is always easy? Spoiler, it's not.
[33:04] I mean, you're going to get disciplined by something. I choose to be proactive in my discipline. Right? I choose to be proactive in my discipline. So if you won't quit smoking, you're going to get disciplined probably by lung cancer, emphysema, COPD, or something like that. Right?
[33:26] So then you're going to be in hospital and you're not allowed to smoke in the hospital, so you quit smoking. Except it's not on your terms, it's on sickness terms. You know, I would rather be disciplined about working out than end up with weak bones.
[33:45] And a bad heart and flaccid muscles, because then I'm disciplined by the negative health consequences of all of that. Like either you inflict discipline on yourself or life inflicts discipline on you in a much worse way. I would rather be disciplined about eating less than be disciplined by needing a little push cut to get around. Like, if you're not disciplined about eating badly and not exercises, then you get disciplined by having to manage your fucking insulin through diabetes.
[34:29] You just, all you do is choose whether you impose the discipline proactively, or discipline is imposed upon you reactively. There's no, no discipline in life. You either discipline yourself to go and make some money, or you're a brokey. You're a broke ass guy, and you can't afford anything.
[35:01] You either discipline yourself to go ask girls out, or you're disciplined into the horror of endless life loneliness. There is no, no discipline, there's only discipline you proactively choose, or the discipline that is imposed upon you through negative consequences. This idea that you can just sail through without discipline, right? If you don't save for your old age, then you're broke. So if you won't discipline your spending early, math disciplines your spending later. And it's one thing to be old. It's one thing to be old. It's quite another thing to be old and broke. It's one thing to be old. It's quite another thing to be old and sick, chronically.
[36:15] I mean, you kind of eat about the same amount over the course of your life, right? I mean, in a ridiculous kind of average way, right? So if you vastly overeat you die young which means over the span of an average lifestyle of lifespan you've simply crammed all of your eating into the first half of your life right so instead of dying at 85 you die at 47 and a half because you ate double.
[36:53] So you're going to eat about the same I just prefer to stretch it out a little more, So you just have to discard from your life as a whole that there's such a thing as no discipline. It's like if you overspend like crazy and you have to declare bankruptcy, then in some places, right, your discipline is you can't have a credit card for seven years and nobody will lend you a goddamn dime. Oh, look, you now have discipline in your spending. It's just imposed from outside rather than generated from within ahead of time.
[37:40] You can avoid suffering by taking drugs right you can avoid suffering by taking drugs but all you're doing is deferring and escalating your suffering, and even if you die suddenly and you don't suffer that much you then have transferred the suffering to everyone around you there is no no discipline in life. The discipline is either yours, either you have the self-discipline to not break the law, or you go to jail and discipline is imposed upon you. If you don't have the discipline to study, then you remain an ignorant son of a bitch. And then discipline is imposed upon you because you can't get a job.
[38:30] So for me it's like when i don't feel like exercising which is you know not uncommon i'm like okay well if i don't exercise then discipline gets imposed upon me externally because my bones get brittle my muscles get flaccid and my body turns to shit and my heart weakens and then i'm unhealthy so then restrictions my i either restrict myself now by going to do weights, or nature restricts me later by turning me into a puddle of brittle goo. Right? Anyway, you know all of this, right?
[39:07] Stef, what do you think causes people to lose all discipline and restraint, like Freddie Mercury did? Well, he didn't lose all discipline and restraint, because he was still working very hard, you know, sort of famous stories of him recording the last couple of songs mother love was the one he died on and he sang the first bit and brian may had to come in and sing the rest because he never came back into the studio, but you're leaning up with a bottle of vodka singing give me more to sing saying give me more to sing give me more to sing i and i'm and being in pain so he was still very disciplined when it came to singing and performing towards the end and even his famous um live aid uh concert one of the most famous i want to say 20 minutes or whatever in in history one of the only time you can get 60,000 people or 70,000 people to join you in a vocal warm-up, but his doctor had told him not to sing, because his throat was all screwed up from...
[39:59] Flu or something like that and and he called them his little mushrooms right in his throat i don't know if that was aids or pre-aids or whatever but so he still had a lot of discipline, when it came to that but with regards to his sexual appetite well i mean i think he fried his brain quite a bit with drugs and that's not uh good that's not good but my obviously, there's indications there's no proof and there never will be I assume now but, he did talk about when he was sent overseas to boarding school all the way from Zanzibar to India I think it was to boarding school and my god I mean.
[40:43] The boarding schools are ugly ugly with regards to predation upon children right, and he was asked once about his experiences in boarding school and he said well basically darling I mean There's a number of headmasters who chase you around the table when you're a boy, and that's all I have to say about it. Or I'm paraphrasing, but it's something like that. So I think there's some indication that he would have been sexually assaulted, raped in boarding school, right? You have a child on the other side of the world with no parental protection, and in a time when the molestation of children. Unfortunately, it's like there's a saying in India, right? That any girl who gets to puberty with her hymen intact must have no male relatives living in the house, right? I mean, unfortunately, just preying upon children is not unknown at all in the Indian culture. And so I assume that he was sexually assaulted, probably raped, maybe by older boys, maybe as he sort of alluded to the headmasters or teachers.
[41:51] And uh that would have completely screwed up his uh sexual development uh i think he was kind of anorexic in a lot of ways what did he weigh like 90 pounds when you see him like a brian may's got these stick insect legs as well but i mean freddie mercury was crazy thin and apparently kind of hated to eat as a whole and so i assume that i assume that his sexual compulsions would have come out of right we know that promiscuity and he was insanely promiscuous right we know that promiscuity comes out of, very often, childhood sexual abuse.
[42:24] That you're programmed for our selected sexual behavior, right? Because you're unprotected and therefore, because you're unprotected, there's no stable family pair bonds and therefore your best solution for reproductive strategies in a time of chaos and uncertainty is our selected, right? Do not pair bond to simply spread your seed to as many people as possible, which is why the hypersexuality tends to afflict people who are sexually abused as children.
[42:56] I mean, he alluded to it, it is, the symptoms all match up with what was occurring. And so, because he was the victim of a complete lack of any kind of sexual restraint, he evolved with, and of course would not have in particular the methodology or ways or approach to deal with this. It's not like he would be a big therapy guy. And so, I would assume that his sexual compulsions arose out of early childhood, um, uh, sexual, uh, exploitation or molestation or rape. And, uh, he couldn't, uh, he couldn't overthrow that. He couldn't overthrow that. No, it's kind of an interesting thing. This is to switch topics a little bit, but, um, Sting, uh, Gordon Sumner or whatever, the singer, of course, famous for being the chief songwriter and lead. Vocalist from the police, when he was at the height of his fame, late 80s, or the sort of synchronicity, he only did five albums or something like that, the synchronicity tour, he was completely manic, according to his own reports, and completely suicidal.
[44:16] When you get everything that you want, and he also, I mean, the man's body vanity is almost second to none, and he admits this himself he says, somebody once asked him fairly recently let's say that after the tour you put on 20 or 30 pounds he's like, you're mad, I would hate myself, I would kill myself I'm far too vain his body vanity Sting had to be the guy who wanted everything the best singer, the best performer, the best songwriter he even pushed out his biceps I remember the Synchronicity, LP, which was a great LP except for Andy Summers' Monstrosity mother, but he literally pushed out his biceps, like when he did his arms folded thing. And it's like, okay, we get it, right? Like, he's a super handsome guy, super skinny guy, he's in movies, he's writing hit songs, he's, you know, he had for about 12 minutes really great hair, and so on. And the police is kind of funny, right? Because, I mean, I know Sting went kind of bald, but the other two sort of kept their hair, which is very unusual for blondes. Blondes will very often lose their hair. So even Sting went into the height of his fame, and so on, and you think of Billy Joel drinking like a fish. You think of the triple addictions of Elton John and so on. That's really tough, man. It is really tough for people to get what they want, because then they don't have any excuses for their misery and then they're right up against their childhood issues.
[45:43] And so Freddie Mercury, could he have, I mean, it sort of reminds me of what Milo Yiannopoulos, Yiannopoulos? Milo was talking about this and I had some criticisms of him back in the day. Which I don't know I would be quite as strong about now, but nonetheless, I did what I did before love came to town. And he was talking about how he praised the priest who molested him for teaching him how to give good head. And it was really unhealthy, and I get there's this kind of cockiness, sorry for the bad connection there, but it's really tragic that you would be in that kind of situation where you are insouciantly praising the man who molested you. But I think he was also fairly, Milo, that is, was fairly promiscuous, although I think he's worked to really tame that now, and, you know, good for him. That's not easy, and, you know, good for him as well. And I don't think fame was particularly good for him either, as it is mostly not good for people as a whole, so...
[46:50] So, yeah, discipline and restraint with regards to sexual matters, it is usually childhood.
[46:58] Particularly in sexual matters, it is childhood rape. And I think that a lot of what Freddie, I mean, Freddie Mercury had, and Sting has the same thing too. You know, Sting sings like half his songs are about loneliness, right? It's a big enough umbrella, but it's always me that ends up getting wet. He's literally got a song called So Lonely, which is impossible to sing along with unless you're a countertenor. Well someone told me yesterday that when you throw your love away you act as if you just don't care you act as if you're going somewhere so lonely as a great line in the middle um no one's knocked upon my door for a thousand years or more all made up and nowhere to go welcome to this one man show he would sometimes say three man show when he was doing it live just take a seat there always free. No surprise, no mystery. In this theater that I call my soul, I always play the star red roll so lonely. It's a really great song. And the live stuff he does, I mentioned this before, but I had an album when I was in my teens. I picked it up at a record store. It was Sting's tour in Australia. And he ended up calling out all the names of the towns that they went to, the cities that they went to, which turned out to be the cities that I went to in my last speaking to her many moons ago.
[48:16] But yeah, loneliness and isolation. But I think Sting is a completely self-absorbed kind of guy. I remember after 9-11, he was just talking about how he felt. And I think he'd be pretty insufferable as a whole. Although obviously a fantastically talented guy with a great set of pipes.
[48:34] But Freddie Mercury, I mean, his solo album is all about isolation and loneliness. It's just by the by, it's kind of funny. It was not a great album. It was a couple of decent tunes on it, but people are always like, my God, I had no idea, He was gay, right? And it's like, because he only announced it the day before he died of AIDS. It's like, no, no, and no. Not just the obvious thing, like he named the band Queen, but on his solo album, which came out years before he died, he's got a song called Your Kind of Lover, where he says, we got to talk it out man to man, make each other understand. It's like, I want to be your kind of lover. We got to talk it out man to man.
[49:14] That's not a hint. That's not a subtle kind of thing, right? That he's basically talking, he's talking to a gay lover saying, I want to be your kind of lover. Talking about man to man, make each other understand right now a little happiness would be fine. It's like, come on, come on, come on, people. You already know this kind of stuff. So, yeah, I think he did not. And so, yeah, he talked about loneliness on the. Sometimes I feel I want to break down and cry Nowhere to go, nothing to do with my time I get lonely, oh so lonely Living on my own, Sometimes I feel nobody gives me no warning Feel my head is always up in the clouds In a dream world It's not easy Living on my own So.
[50:14] He was very lonely, very isolated. That's a guy, right? That's a man. And he sings about this. Each morning I get up, I die a little, can barely stand on my feet. Take a look in the mirror and cry, my Lord, what you're doing to me? I spent all my years in believing in you. I just can't get no relief. Lord, somebody, somebody, can anybody find me? Somebody love, right? Can, And please, God, I'm dying. I'm dying of isolation here. And of course, that's what fame and hypersexuality and drugs, they're just going to completely isolate you.
[50:52] Completely isolate you. And he talked about this all the time. I can't go anywhere. Can't do anything. Can't, right? So, yeah, it's really tragic. It's really tragic. But, you know, I mean, a lot of great art comes out of a lot of misery, right? The height of the soul is very often the depth of the suffering. The height of the soul is very often equal to the depth of the suffering. But it's not the kind of thing that he could have really talked about at all.
[51:29] The Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis thing is awful, too. Yeah, I don't know about that guy. I don't know about that guy. I mean, if the stuff about PDD is true, and there was Danny Masterson or something like that, I mean, Ashton Kutcher, how many people do you know who are friends with two people who've done that kind of stuff, right? I mean, my God, that can't be a coincidence. Yeah, the toss salad thing as well, right? The ball movie is a good showing of the loneliness of the mega rock star.
[52:12] Yeah, well, you should listen to my analysis of the wall, part one. Yeah, mama loves her baby and daddy loves you too. Yeah, so you should go listen to that. It's in the premium section at freedomain.com. Slash donate. And if you're part of the subscribe star or locals donors, like the subscribers, you can get it. And you should really listen to it. It's amazing. It's amazing. Yeah, I mean, I think Ashton Kutcher had this whole thing about sexual predators and so on. And again, whether that's true or not. I mean, it's true that he did that. But whether it's true or not that he has some really unsavory connections, it could be the case that he's trying to cover, right? Accused others of what you yourself are doing, right? That is a very sort of foundational thing, right? Accused others of what you yourself are doing, right? Hey, remember those people who were not entirely kind to their children who called me a cult leader? Accused others of what? Anyway, so not all of them, but you know, one or two, I'm sure.
[53:32] All right, let me see here, what do we have here?
[53:36] All right, happy to take questions. Hey, Stef, I have a friend who's getting married soon. He's planning on inviting his abusive parents. I plan to confront him, but if I cannot change his mind, is it reasonable to not attend the wedding? Well, tell me a little bit, thank you for the tip. Tell me a little bit more about what kind of abuse are we talking about here? Mark twain said forgiveness is the scent of violet leaves on the heel that crushed it yeah forgiveness is a slave morality right the slave has no choice but to forgive the master the master does not need to forgive the slave people who are teaching you to forgive without apologies or restitution are training you on almost pitch perfect slave morality all right, Somebody says, my son has a very negative outlook on most things. Angry and people-pleasing. I'm trying to get him into philosophy. I've tried starting with stoicism, but he seems disinterested. Any suggestions? Okay. Okay.
[54:46] Would you guys like to know how to solve these kinds of things? I'm trying to widen the reach as much as possible. Would you like to know how to solve these things as a whole? You want to change your son's negativity, right? You want to change your son's negativity. And you may have people in your life, you want to change their minds, you want to change their thoughts, you want to change their ideas, maybe you want to change their voting habits or voting patterns, and you want to change people's minds.
[55:22] You want to change people's minds.
[55:32] So, if you want to positively change people's minds, and I'm talking with regards to you and your son, you say, if your son says, has a very negative outlook on most things, the conversation should start with, maybe you're right. Tell me more. Like, tell me. Tell me more, right? Maybe you're right.
[56:04] Maybe you've got a point, right? You've heard me say this a million times. If people have really destructive people in their lives, really abusive people in their lives, I don't just mean in the past, but in the present through gaslighting and like. So if people have really negative people in their lives and I say to them, well, what's the benefit of having them in your life? Hey, make the case. I'm open to hearing it. Maybe there's something I've missed. Maybe there's something that I don't understand, but I can't see it. But, you know, enlighten me. Talk to me like I'm five years old. I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but help me to understand the value. I don't just say, these people are terrible, get them out of your life, right? Maybe they've got a point. Maybe they're waiting on a $10 million inheritance that's coming next week. I don't know, right? But it would be like, hey, I'm open to being convinced. You've heard me say this a million times in call-in shows. I'm absolutely open to being convinced, right?
[56:57] Honestly, genuinely, deeply, and humbly, enlighten me. you know maybe you're right that your abusive people have have great a great value in your life right or if somebody says no no no i'm i'm dating this girl not just because she's pretty, but but because she's just wonderful right and i'm like okay hey i mean i i would it seems to me like it's mostly because she's pretty but i'm you know tell me tell me about her virtues, enlighten me sell me on her virtues that that's a good thing right maybe you're right it seems to me that she's an unstable woman with a great rack or something like that but.
[57:41] Maybe you're right maybe there are all these wonderful things right i was talking to someone the other day who's like oh yeah my parents uh they they love each other and they're kind of parents, right? Mean to their kids, right? They love each other. I'm like, okay, I don't see how you can abuse your children, but love each other. But hey, man, you know, make the case. Help me, help me to understand why you think this way. I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm saying I don't understand, but I'm open to being convinced. Right? So if you want your son to, quote, improve his philosophy or improve his outlook, then telling him that he's wrong and needs to fix it, which you may be doing implicitly by saying, oh, start with stoicism, that will help you with your negativity. Well, how do you know his negativity is a problem to be solved? How do you know? Maybe he's got a point, and maybe that's really an important point to learn from. Maybe you're triggered by his negativity, and so you want him to stop being negative, because it's bringing you down. Maybe, maybe. But with your kids, you know, everyone who's a parent, your kids will say something that you really disagree with, really disagree with. If it's any consolation, you say things your kids really disagree with too, right? And it happens.
[59:07] So, what's the problem with that? It bothers you that they have said X, right? Okay. So let it bother you. The problem with it bothering you is not for you to change their perspective or their mind or their thoughts or their whatever, right? The answer or the solution is to be curious. Tell me why you think that. Maybe negativity is the wrong word.
[59:49] Maybe negativity is the wrong word. Maybe it's not negativity. Maybe that's your word. It's like the word attitude. I'm not saying this is you, but a lot of parents are like, hey, I don't need this attitude. So they're disagreeing with you, maybe quite strongly. Why is that attitude, right? It doesn't make a huge amount of sense. So if you want to change someone's mind, you can't immediately assume that they're wrong. Then you can't do that, right? Again, I'm not saying that I'm some sort of model of doing this perfectly because I'm sure I don't, but as a whole, I'm like, hey, man, I don't see it, but I'm happy to hear the case. I'm happy to have you make the case, right? I don't see why having these abusive people in your life is a plus, but I'm happy to hear the case. Maybe I've missed something. Right? So it could be, it seems negative to me, but hey, I mean, I'm not privy to your secret thoughts and your inner XYZs. So, you know, tell me more. Help me to understand.
[1:01:06] Someone says stoicism is good for preventing being over emotional but this makes me wonder if the dad thinks his son is just being over emotional which he might not be, yeah i don't know stoicism is just a way in many ways of avoiding the wisdom of emotions i will it's like buddhism i will not feel i'm going to minimize my feelings i'm going to but why.
[1:01:32] I mean, stoicism, I think, can be useful if you have some sort of, what is the case with Elon Musk? He's got some sort of chronic back condition, right? He was in some sumo wrestling thing that harmed his back, and I think he's now trying to get Neuralink to deal with back pain. So, if you've got some permanent issue, some permanent back issue, I don't know, whatever it is, I can understand there being stoicism there, for sure. But stoicism as a whole, it seems to me it's cutting off the essential information and values that emotions bring. Look, fundamentally, we're all in hot pursuit of an emotion, right? Reason is a means to that end. reason and virtue and honesty and all of these kinds of good things, right? These are all means to an end. The end is happiness, and happiness is an emotion. Happiness is a feeling, pride, love, joy. They're feelings.
[1:02:47] So the purpose of philosophy is a feeling, right? Reason equals virtue equals happiness. This is an all Aristotelian argument, right? That the purpose of life is happiness because happiness is the one thing that we have for its own sake, not in order to get something else, right? Like I work to get money, I get money to put it in the bank, I take it out of the bank in order to buy something and buy something in order to be happy. Once I'm happy, that's it. That's the end of that journey.
[1:03:18] So I'm concerned that stoicism takes meaning and purpose out of life because the entire purpose of life is a feeling. happiness. I mean, long-term, right? Long-term feeling, not short-term giddy animal joy, right? But.
[1:03:40] So, I'm concerned that Stoicism would carve the, yeah I scratched myself here, got a little cut on my nose, um, but I'm concerned that Stoicism would take away the emotions in life which are essential to meaning and happiness, right? What do people say when they don't have meaning? Well, what do they mean when they say my life doesn't have meaning? They say, I'm not experiencing joy. You think about the happiest you've ever been. You think of that moment, I can guarantee you, in the moment that you were the happiest, you never thought of meaning. Like, you're never over the moon, thrilled, and excited about something, and then say, yeah, but what's the meaning? Oh, nothing really matters, anyone can see, right? What's the meaning of, oh, what's the meaning? Like, once you're in your state of joy and bliss, excitement, happiness, orgasm, whatever, you're thrilled. You don't sit there and say, Yeah, but I mean, what's the meaning of any of this? Well, what's the purpose of all? Like, because you're there, you're happy, right? So I'm concerned that happiness is emotion. Stoicism often teaches rejection of the emotions or suppression of the emotions, which is suppression of joy and therefore meaning and therefore happiness and therefore purpose and so on, right? So I think it is convenient to those in charge that their subjects abandon their passions, right?
[1:05:07] It is for the convenience of those in charge that their subjects abandon their passions. It's easier to keep a slave if he does not burn to be free. All right, let me get to your comments. Oh, bro did not come back. Jorks, hello. I mean, I can answer the question, but it won't be as accurate if I don't find out about... What you are asking about. This is the guy who wants to know, I have a friend who's getting married soon. He's planning on inviting his abusive parents. I plan to confront him, but if I cannot change his mind, is it reasonable to not attend the wedding? Well, I guess he's had like 10 or 15 minutes. He hasn't answered. So maybe he's AFK. He has gone AFK.
[1:06:00] All right. Well, I'll answer incompletely, freedomand.com slash call. If you want to call in, you can do that, public or private, freedomand. Oh, man. Have I got something for you guys, by the way. I just finished this today. I know this sounds completely insane, but it's one of the best shows that's ever been done. It's a five-hour couple call-in.
[1:06:19] First, her view, and then his of a really calamitous breakup. Oh, my God. It's so good. I'm like, I can't, i could never write better than that so uh it's really really good and uh, it is uh a very powerful very interesting and what a roller coaster you know because then you get one side it's like i know what it is then you get the other side it's like i don't know what it is so that will be coming out for donors probably on the weekend and uh it is just an amazing conversation. I know five hours sounds like a lot, but man, it'll fly by. It'll fly by. I would go to the wedding just for a good time. Yeah. I mean, that's kind of a snappy, snazzy comment, but that's not helpful. I know that sounds inappropriate. It's not helpful. what were you thinking.
[1:07:22] All right he says sorry Stef my app had an issue, what it crashed I've never had the locals app crash, see now I don't know if you're typing or not I don't know if you're going to update me there's no way to know, free domain.com slash donate to help out the show help me buy a band-aid for my nose i'm bleeding out.
[1:07:59] I don't think he's typing. Maybe the app still has an issue. You know, you can just go to the website, man. That's all I'm just saying. You can just go to the website. All right. You ever do this thing where you're like, no, no, I'm going to leave this window open because I'm sure I'll get round to it sometime to deal with this.
[1:08:24] Somebody wrote a review of my novels. they wrote, Stefan Molyneux's latest novel, The Future, it's not my latest, but that's fine, Stefan Molyneux's latest novel, The Future, depicts a future free of government. Said about 500 years of the future, The Future by Stefan Molyneux isn't your typical science fiction novel. The story begins with the last president of the United States of America being awakened out of a cryogenic freeze to a new civilization bereft of any form of government. Instead of government, law and order are maintained by private companies known as dispute resolution organizations. There's no public property, everything is owned privately.
[1:08:59] The novel does a good job of showing how such an anarchist society could not only operate, but thrive. The crux of the quasi-utopian society's success, however, is not based on anarcho-capitalism, but on the concept of peaceful parenting. Any form of abuse to children, physical or verbal, has been eliminated from society through strict rules and advanced technology. From a philosophical point of view, the novel pulls you in with its practical display of a society based on freedom from any form of force or coercion, especially of children. The psychological dives into the characters' minds are riveting. The only area the story possibly lacks in is in the action department. There's enough of a solid plot to keep you entangled. Still, I would have preferred the philosophy had been dramatized through a more complex storyline rather than long stream of consciousness reflections and so much dialogue. Otherwise, a brilliant and unforgettable read available exclusively from the author's website at blah, blah, blah. So I appreciate that. That was very nice. He's a novelist too. Uh, that's from blazingpinecone.com.
[1:10:02] And, uh, I'll put the link in here. The app crashed. Good now. Did you do the five hours in one go or during multiple calls? It was two calls, two days apart. I did the first call. So what happened was a woman and a man both set up calls with me. This is all public, wasn't private calls, right? So a woman and a man did calls with me. I didn't know that they were connected. I did a call with the woman. And then two days later, I just had another call scheduled. And the guy said, oh, by the way, I'm the boyfriend of the woman, right? So I didn't know. So we do the woman and her story and her life. And then we do the man. And a man, talk about some roller coasters, man. Holy crap.
[1:10:46] Holy crap, it was something else, something else and a half. So, you know, sometimes I amaze even myself. I'm just kidding. They did a great job. But it is really nice to still be really deeply challenged and have very difficult and wrangling kind of conversations to get to the truth, you know, with a lot of good intentions on the part of the listeners. But it really is quite exciting to still be hot on the hunt for the truth with well-meaning but of course you know, challenged uh listeners so yeah that'll be going out to donors this weekend that that's something else man and you know that's that was a a very large and challenging amount of work all right chalks i'm gonna have to give up on you uh so i'll get back to that answer later uh somebody He says, oh, Karras, hey, Stef, I have a friend with a history of intense promiscuity. I confronted him about it, which led to him defooing. Recently, he became involved in a relationship with an addict. I'm dismayed because I thought defooing would largely solve his issue with bad relationships. What advice would you give me and this guy?
[1:12:00] Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean. Do you think defooing from toxic parents solves all of your problems? But let's say somebody has a bad girlfriend, like a toxic and destructive girlfriend, and he breaks up with her. Does that mean that all his future relationships are fine?
[1:12:23] Stopping taking the poison doesn't mean that you're suddenly healthy and fit and ripped with a six-pack. Not doing the bad doesn't equal achieving the good. No longer going in the wrong direction doesn't mean you magically know the exact right direction to go in, and you've already done it. So, this is why I say, with regards to any relationship, but we'll talk about parents here, it's why I've always said that if you have, you know, toxic, destructive, dysfunctional parents, have conversations with them, if it's safe for you to do so, have conversations with them that are honest and direct and vulnerable, and see who they are, and earn your way out. If he just yelled at them and ghosted them, then he's not earned his way out, right? He hasn't gotten to the truth about his family. He's just run away. So if you have a bad marriage and you end up getting divorced from a very toxic and bad marriage, and then you go to therapy and you talk to your parents and you figure out all your issues, and right then you can have a good marriage. But just, you know, lots of people get divorced and then end up in another shitty marriage.
[1:13:34] It could also be, and I'm not saying this is true of him, I don't know him, obviously, right? But it could also be that he's done too much damage to ever be happy. Intense promiscuity is very damaging for the self and for others right so intense promiscuity on the part of a man wrecks many of the foundations of civilization by producing bitterness hostility and rage in women and castrating their ability to pair bond and trust a man, because promiscuity is often when a man has high value maybe he's really good looking or wealthy or both. So a man has high value and he dangles it in front of a woman in order to get her into bed. Some possibility of some sort of relationship or access to his status or resources. And then he yanks the rug out from under her and ghosts her. That's a form of fraud.
[1:14:41] He usually has to say to the woman, promiscuity almost always involves deception, unless you're at the absolute bottom of self-hating women, right? So usually it involves deception, right? So a man who wants to seduce a woman will pretend to like her until he has sex with her, and then he will ghost her. In other words, he doesn't tell her the truth. I don't like you. I have no intention of calling you after sex. I just want to get my rocks off and use you as a flashlight, and then boogie on, reggae woman, right? So he usually has to lie his ass off in order to get her pants off. Pretend to like her, pretend there's some possibility for relationship, pretend that he finds her interesting or fascinating or compelling or nice or positive in some way, right?
[1:15:40] So, if he has lied and deceived women into having sex, thus leaving them further broken and embittered. In other words, if he circled the wounded women of abusive parents and pillaged them for his own sexual pleasure by further lying to and exploiting them. Okay, I don't know that that's an important clarification. He says the majority of his promiscuity was with transvestites. Okay. So did he dangle a relationship in front of them? Did he dangle the potential of anything more or longer or anything like that? Did he harm people by engaging in sexual activity under false pretenses?
[1:16:39] And i guess he's got a a a ripping a ripping banging bod as the girls in jersey shore would say he's got a banging bod so i guess he's high status that way so maybe maybe he's done, enough damage in the world that he can't be happy, right like we all understand there's a tipping point right i mean there's a tipping point, We don't know where it is, but there's a tipping point. There's a tipping point at which point you can't be happy.
[1:17:18] If you do a lot of harm to people and exploit the wounds left in them by traumatic childhoods, at some point you will hit that tipping point where restitution is impossible. Right? I mean, was it a couple of, a week and a half ago, two weeks ago, whatever? Yeah, two weeks ago, I was too harsh with the listener. I publicly apologized. I made restitution. I gave him a free, a free call-in, private call-in, right? So I was wrong. So I made restitution and he was satisfied with the restitution. He accepted my apology. So done and dusted, right? I was too harsh. My daughter called me out on it, which I appreciated her for doing that. I thanked her for that as well. So, I was too harsh on him. Publicly apologized, privately apologized, made restitution. He's satisfied and happy and content with what has happened. So, I have restored my good relationship with my conscience.
[1:18:31] I mean, I don't know if you have heard that story or not, but that was sort of a, so, right? So I did something wrong. Thank you. I appreciate that. So I did something wrong. I mean, not catastrophic. I didn't call him names. I didn't like, I was just a bit harsh with him. And I made my, I mean, this is what I say, right? I live by, I live by what I, what I talk about, right? So I have restored my good relationship with my conscience. So, is it possible for him to repair the damage he has done? Is it possible for him to repair the damage that he has done for the hearts he's broken, the hopes he's dangled? Again, maybe, I don't know if this is appropriate to him or not, and there could be tons of exceptions, so I say this, of course, without knowing all the details. but, okay give me two numbers give me two numbers the rough number of people he slept with based upon your estimation and is he in his 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s what decade of life is he in.
[1:19:56] Because there's a number of wrongdoings after which you cannot recover. Like that one cigarette, right? One cigarette. You don't smoke that cigarette, you quit, you won't get cancer. You smoke that cigarette, you're going to get cancer. Uh, he slept with approximately 70 and he's in his early thirties. Right. Okay. Do you think that a quality, virtuous, wise, and intelligent woman will marry him given his promiscuity. I mean, body count matters for men and for women, right? I mean, I think the answer to that would be no. Or, to put it another way, if your beloved daughter comes home and says, I met this guy, he's got a body count of 70 plus, he's in his early 30s, would you say, sounds good. Please enjoy the relationship. I wish you both the best. I can't wait to invite him into our family.
[1:21:19] I mean, I think we all know the answer to that one, right?
[1:21:31] So, it could be that he's just, he's done too much damage to be happy, because he can't undo the damage. This is why it's important not to damage too much, right? Because you can't undo the damage. He couldn't, like, if you've had that level of a body count, and look, I'm not saying that he was the only one who did wrong in these relationships, right? Maybe he was lied to as well.
[1:22:06] But if he has that kind of body count, at that kind of age, and if there was deception involved in many or most of these promiscuous one-night stands or whatever's going on, or if he paid for sex or things like that, right? Well, then, maybe he's gone too far down the dark path to come back. I mean, y'all know this, right? There's a point of no return. That there's a point, you don't, you don't get forever to be happy. That there is a point of no return. We all know this, right? There's a point, like, if you have a tough test to study for, there's a point at which it's too late to start studying, right? Certainly five minutes before the test, there's no point studying, really, because you can't, right? So there's a point of no return. There's some time and it's too late. If, yeah, change is not a lifelong privilege. If you want to be a dancer, there's no point starting when you're 40. It's too late, right? This was like a fucking horse hoof to my chest when I read this.
[1:23:19] In The Fountainhead. Oof. I was like 15 or so when I started reading The Fountainhead. Hugely influential book on me, for me. And the architect Howard Rourke, who's brilliant, has a guy he was roommates with because the creepy single mom had a rooming house, and he's kind of gets entangled in this second-hander, this social metaphysician, Peter Keating. Peter Keating is, he doesn't ask what's right, he asks what's popular. And Peter Keating lives a dissolute and wasted life, pursuing money, egoism, fame, status, but not talent ability. And Peter Keating is an architect, never wanted to be an architect. He actually wanted to be a painter. And then like decades into his corruption, he starts trying to be a painter again. And he says to Howard Rourke, do you think, are these any good? What do you think? And Howard Rourke looks at these paintings and says to Peter Keating it's too late Peter.
[1:24:32] It's too late. With great sorrow. You fucked up your gift. You're starting too late. You're too corrupted. It's too late. You smoked. You chain smoked for 40 years. you're not going to be able to run a marathon. It's too late.
[1:24:54] Ooh, I got cancer. I'll quit smoking. It's too late.
[1:24:58] I mean, it might help a bit, but it's too late to prevent, right?
[1:25:06] So my question is, why are you friends with someone like this? Doesn't friendship have to be based on some kind of shared virtues, Doesn't friendship have to be based on some kind of shared virtues? Can you be friends with a corrupt and immoral man? A woman?
[1:25:42] What are you doing? Somebody says, this is over on Rumble, I had a friend like this who cheated on his fiancée and went on a sex pre, had a very high body count. He met a woman with a higher body can, but then every good person in his life left. How long can you wallow in shit before people with noses won't eat around you? How long can you scream at people before they'll flee to save their hearing? This sounds like a fairly corrupt individual. What are you doing? What are you doing? See, it's not just him. You get serious splash damage from corrupt people in your life.
[1:26:49] I mean You meet some nice wonderful great woman Virtuous, noble, Strong Honest, direct And you say My best friend Slept with 70 transvestites, My neighbor has two rabbits, Jesus God, man Aren't you concerned about splash damage? I don't know.
[1:27:29] My best friend has a higher body count than the Enola Gay, That's not a problem, is it? Oh my god I can't believe the analogies that pop into my head Like you're walling yourself off from, Decent people What are you doing? Oh my gosh can't be that hard up, man.
[1:28:10] So, should you go, Hi, Stef, I have a friend who's getting married soon. He's planning on inviting his abusive parents. I plan to confront him. But if I cannot change his mind, is it reasonable to not attend the wedding? Thanks.
[1:28:22] If a man chooses to have abusers at his wedding, his marriage is doomed. If a man chooses to have abusers at his wedding, his marriage is doomed. Because it means that his wife doesn't love him. His fiance doesn't love him. This is so true, it's almost a tautology, right? This is so true, it's almost a tautology. She is cold, man. He is cold to him. If she knows that his parents abused him and continue to abuse him then by having them at her wedding she's refusing to protect him, it means that she says I love my fiance and I love the people who did him the most harm you.
[1:29:32] If you have a babysitter, right? You've got a kid, a couple of kids, and you hire a babysitter, and the babysitter comes over and abuses your children, right? And they're crying, and they're black and blue, and they're beaten and hurt and terrifying and screaming, and right? And then you give the babysitter a $1,000 bonus and book her for the next night. What do your kids think? Why are you rewarding the woman who beat your children, and why is she welcome back so can you love your kids and also love the babysitter who abused them and the answer of course is fuck no, fuck to the nth degree no you cannot love your children and the babysitter who harmed them can you love someone and also love the parents who abused them you cannot, So, the reason I say she cannot love him, is because if his abusive parents are welcome in the marriage, it's only for one of two reasons. Either A, she knows about the abuse but doesn't care, which means she doesn't love him, or he's not even told her about the abuse, in which case he's a huge asshole liar. Because to withhold that kind of information from your girlfriend and fiancé is absolutely wrong.
[1:30:59] That's, at an even higher level of withholding an STD. Because you're not giving her the true facts about your family. And having her make a rational decision and show you real sympathy. So he's either a truly pathological liar who's hid his entire past from his girlfriend, or she knows that his parents were abusive and they're welcome at the wedding anyway, which means she doesn't care about him.
[1:31:31] So, I personally, I do not choose to attend weddings, which is the opposite of marriage. Where every vow that is spoken is an unholy lie. No! I won't go. I won't go and bear witness to a demonic fraud. Fuck no. God, no. Not in a million years. There's no money on Earth that would get me there. But hey, that's just me. You have to make your own decision. Splash Damage says someone is very real. Having dysfunctional friends in your life is like having siege tanks in Starcraft firing too close to your Marines. Sorry, little frog in my throat there. I don't know what French for a nerd is. Oh, Macron. That's right. Thanks for your explanation. It was on point. Sorry for the issues I had.
[1:32:39] I will listen back as well. You are welcome. No problem. Thank you for the tip.
[1:32:51] Thank you for the tip. All right. Any other last questions, comments, issues? We didn't get to duty sex, but I'll save that for the OF private livestream. OF is only philosophy, of course. I just don't know how to spell. Original philosophy, my OPH, my OF. My OF channel. Alright. Any other last questions, comments, issues, challenge before we sign up for the net? I can't get my protein! My daughter showed me these videos of this guy. He's very funny. He's very funny. I think he's, I don't know, Instagram or something like that. And he's like, oh, I can't get my protein. And he then will eat like four steaks to get his protein or like four giant tubs of yogurt or like 50 wheels of cheese. And he like struggles his way through it with a timer. And at the end, he's like, you have no excuse. But he's very funny and quite buff. It's very British humour, but I did find it quite funny. A real-time strategy gamer, I played StarCraft 1, but never StarCraft 2. Oh no, I tried it once with, quote, friends who didn't explain it very well. Thank you, Torco, I appreciate that.
[1:34:18] What is it they say? Be careful on Halloween that your kid's candy doesn't have a blade in it, and it's a picture of Wesley Snipes. Vampire hunter. Could fight the vampires, but not the IRS. Him and Lauryn Hill, right? Taxes are an illusion, man, they say. Well, they're a pretty well-enforced illusion. Yeah, honestly, real-time strategy, I'm interested. Like what was it the other day I saw oh there's a new civilization out I used to play Civ I played when I was a teen or early 20s there was a SimCity I remember you could Boston, Boston bombings sorry Dresden bombings you could play the Dresden had just been bombed had to rebuild the city had to play that without my mom around for obvious reasons but.
[1:35:09] Unfortunately every now and then I get tempted by a real-time strategy game but then I just get the sense of not having many days left in my life because I'm way closer to the end than the beginning and I'm like, you know, you can really only get it, you can only really learn new real-time strategy when you have the illusion of eternity. Because life, blink and you miss it right blink and you miss it so uh i've got you know 30 years left maybe, now that's a long way looking back right that's putting me back to to 28 right so that's that's a long way back but i got 30 more years and get to 88 that's all right i may get a little longer but, if i get to 88 that's pretty good but uh i'm aware and of course it's not like it's like Like 28 to 58 is not the same as 58 to 88 because of that whole decaying, ghoulification, falling apart zombie thing. So it's not the same. It's not the same. Who knows? Who knows how much there might be or what quality of life it can be, right? I mean, you could start to lose your mind. Your health could be severely compromised. Or you could just get wiped out by some random shit like almost happened 13 years ago. So who knows, man? Who knows? so life's unfortunately my life is too short to learn a new rts what i will do occasionally is dip back into unreal tournament 3 which was uh great and at least i know all the weapons and strategies so i'll dip into that when i need a little bit of pixel juice for the brain all right.
[1:36:37] Thanks everyone for dropping by tonight of course if you're listening later freedom don't listen maybe there's really important stuff right after the donation pitch don't leave now go get your protein. So, fredomain.com slash donate to help out the show. I really appreciate it. Don't forget, if you want to join up for a great community, you can go to subscribesrow.com slash fredomain, sign up there, get a great community, or you can go to fdrurl.com slash locals to get a free month to try that out. And don't forget, fdrurl.com slash TikTok, T-I-K-T-O-K, fredomain.com, sorry, fdrurl.com slash TikTok to help out that way. All right. Have yourself a beautiful evening, my friends. Thank you for dropping by tonight. Lots of love. I'll talk to you Friday. Bye.
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