Philosopher Stefan Molyneux addresses a variety of poignant topics with a caller who has been navigating the complexities of relationships and personal responsibility. The session begins with a candid introduction as Stefan shares a humorous anecdote about a last-minute cancellation of a scheduled call-in show, turning the moment into an unexpected opportunity to engage with his listeners. His enthusiasm for philosophy shines through as he invites participants to voice their thoughts and questions.
The first caller opens a deep discussion about the concept of family dynamics and moral obligations. He expresses concerns regarding familial reliance and the moral compass within modern relationships. His inquiry prompts Stefan to explore the intricate nature of family relationships, emphasizing that while family is essential, it must be reciprocal and healthy. He articulates that it is morally acceptable to distance oneself from toxic familial relationships, advocating for building communities that offer emotional and ethical support. The dialogue touches upon the importance of cultivating affection and reinforcing the significance of shared values in familial and romantic relationships.
As the conversation unfolds, a second caller, who has been a long-time listener, confronts Stefan about his previous teachings on love, loneliness, and the challenge of establishing genuine connections. Their interaction leads to an introspective examination of personal choices, particularly in the context of romantic interests. The caller confesses to difficulties in forming lasting relationships after experiencing heartbreak and the pressure to align his lifestyle with societal expectations.
Stefan addresses the caller's concerns with a mix of empathy and straightforwardness, underscoring the necessity of self-awareness and accountability in relationships. He navigates through the caller's romantic past and decisions, explaining that many of the trials he faces stem from a lack of genuine connection. The dialogue takes a philosophical turn as Stefan introduces ideas of virtue, the importance of acting with integrity, and how personal character shapes the quality of one's relationships. He passionately argues that treating relationships with the respect they deserve is key to fostering deep emotional bonds and moving past superficial encounters.
A discussion on the potential repercussions of infidelity and sexual promiscuity surfaces as the caller reveals his past experiences with hiring escorts and engaging with married women. Stefan articulates the moral dilemmas involved in such actions, exploring the implications on the caller's self-respect and future romantic prospects. The philosophical inquiry digs deep into the consequences of one's decisions and the dissonance between one's public persona and private actions, drawing attention to how these experiences shape one's character and worthiness in the eyes of a quality partner.
Towards the end of the episode, Stefan encourages a shift towards introspection and self-improvement, emphasizing the importance of understanding the "why" behind one's choices. He urges the caller to reflect on his past actions, not as mere mistakes but as critical lessons that hold the keys to building a virtuous life in the future. The caller resonates with the advice provided, recognizing the need for change and the courage it takes to engage in honest self-assessment.
In closing, Stefan reinforces the call for moral clarity and personal responsibility, underlining that positive change begins with understanding oneself and being truthful about one's desires and intentions. With a heartfelt farewell, he expresses gratitude to the callers for their openness and to the listeners for their continued support of these vital discussions on morality, relationships, and the journey to self-betterment. As a final takeaway, he reminds everyone of the power of self-knowledge in shaping a fulfilling life—a resounding message that echoes throughout the podcast.
0:07 - Sunday, Chatty Sunday
1:18 - Family and Moral Compass
5:44 - Parenting Philosophy
8:40 - Treating Relationships with Care
14:24 - The Impact of Childhood Experiences
23:07 - Finding Loyalty in Relationships
30:47 - Overcoming Loneliness
38:17 - The Pursuit of Virtue
54:42 - Practical Steps for Relationships
1:02:52 - Dating Dynamics
1:06:53 - Consequences of Choices
1:17:14 - Gifts and Responsibilities
1:27:09 - The Ripple Effect
1:36:38 - The Cost of Isolation
1:48:30 - Facing the Past
1:57:51 - Learning from Mistakes
2:02:45 - Cautionary Tales
[0:00] Hola, mes ami. ¿Cómo están? How are you doing? Sunday.
[0:07] Sunday, chatty Sunday, 28th of September, 2025. And yes, tragically, I had a cancellation tonight. I had a call-in show scheduled for tonight, but with four minutes to go, twerr canceled. And so I twerr now to be twerking to you and twerking, but you can't see that. Video's off. You can thank your lucky stars that you don't see this blindingly white Canadian rub shaking his moneymaker. So I hope you're having a good evening. I am thrilled, keen, and eager to talk about philosophy with you, to hear what you have to say. I certainly have a topic. I have something that's sort of on my mind, But I bow to the lovely listeners and watchers and readers on X here. If you have something that.
[0:58] You want to
[0:58] Ask about or critique about, give me feedback about, suggest about, I am all ears. Like, verily, if you gaze up through the London fog and see Dumbo floating by overhead on his excessive hearing flaps, I am all ears. All right, let's go.
[1:19] to Nicoletti, who I'm sure will give us the full Scottish experience. Nicoletti, what is on your mind, my friend? How can philosophy help you tonight?
[1:30] Hello, Stefan. Long-time listener, first-time speaker,
[1:35] Caller. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
[1:37] Since I was like 17 years old back in 2014, I believe. Thank you for all you've been doing. I had a question regarding your stance on family not being your rock when food comes to show up, when family is not up to standard, it is not healthy in your life. I think nowadays there is a lack of a moral compass in our institutions, in our jobs, unfortunately in our relationships, that being romantical or friendships. I don't have, unfortunately, a lot of people suffer from that as well within their families, but what is the alternative nowadays if you can't rely on your family? I mean, I know you had some videos in the past, and that was a point that you brought on some of your books, that family can be cut off.
[2:46] My fear is that if you can't rely on family, if you can't rely on anything nowadays, now you can't even rely on your family. what's the alternative what should people look on what should people rely on if they are under such circumstances as unfortunately many of them are today
[3:09] I appreciate the question.
[3:11] So help me understand your perspective of my perspective on family. So when you say if they're destructive to you or to your life or whatever it is, so what standards do you think that I have for potentially not seeing your family?
[3:31] So what I saw on those previous videos is that if your family is destructive to you, seeing your parents are verbally abusive to you or sexually abusive to you or are abusive to you in a major way, you can cut them off, which is something that I am not against. My question is more on the sense of if everything else is broken.
[4:03] Sorry, hang on. Sorry, Tindra. So I understand your question, I just wanted to know what you thought of with regards to family. This is family of origin, right? This isn't chosen family like you choose your wife and you choose to have kids. This is the family that you're born into, which of course we don't choose. Now, the fact that we don't choose it doesn't make it wrong, but it means that it has to have the highest standards possible. If, let's say, a woman did not choose to marry you, you were in some primitive culture and she got married after you at the age of 14 or whatever, that doesn't mean that she will never love you. But it does mean that you have to be a really great husband to overcome the involuntary nature of her relationship with you. Now, my daughter did not choose to have me as a father. She did not choose her mother. She did not choose the friends, the extended people that we know, at least, you know, our friends. So my basic philosophy of parenting is my daughter did not choose me to be her father. My wife chose me to be her husband. My friends choose me to have them in their lives. You all choose to listen to me. But my daughter, of all the relationships that I have is not voluntary. She did not choose me and she cannot not say, peace out, I'm going to go get another family. You can break up with a girl, you can go and date another girl, you can leave your husband, you can go get another husband. But my daughter, she'll be 17 not too long from now. So for her life to date, she's had no choice. She's stuck with her. She did not choose us and she's stuck with us.
[5:44] So with that knowledge, as a father, You're…, I parent with the mind that, since my daughter did not choose me to be her father, but she needs a father, I want her to grow, and I want to parent her as if she had the choice. In other words, I want to be her father in such a way that if she could choose from.
[6:10] Any father in the
[6:11] World, she would choose me. and by the way this is how you keep quality in all your relationships so quality results from, voluntary voluntary and quality are the same thing sorry i'm not mad at you i'm just passionate about the subject just so you know i mean getting your pizza delivered is a whole lot easier faster and more efficient and cheaper than going to get a passport renewed or getting some license from the DMV, because one is private, one is public, one is voluntary, one is coercive. So if you want to have quality relationships, which is really the foundation for happiness in this or any other life.
[6:55] If you want to have quality relationships,
[6:57] Always, always, always tell yourself they can leave at any time. Don't take people for granted. Don't treat them as expendable. Don't have them lower in priority. You know, when you were a kid and you, I don't know if they do this anymore, when you were a kid and you got your notebook and you start writing in that notebook and it's really nice and you're very careful to have all the letters spaced evenly and nice and later on it's some spread spider chicken scratch from hell. So my wife can wake up tomorrow and say, listen, dude, I don't want to be married to you anymore. She could do that. Perfectly legal, and it's perfectly fine. I don't want her to be here because of just a vow that I never earn again. Every time I do a show, I have to re-earn you paying attention to me. Do I have something of value to offer you? Are you better, wiser, more virtuous?
[7:57] Is your life richer?
[7:58] Are your relationships better? Could you maybe make more money? After listening to what I have to say, every single show. I have to rededicate myself to earning your trust, earning your attention, because I'm not the only guy yelling into a microphone around the planet. So I have to do that. So if you want to have great relationships, you wake up every day and you say, I have to earn them every day. I have to rededicate myself to wooing and winning my wife every day. And that's a good thing. And that's a good thing.
[8:35] I believe so. And I stand by your point as well. I think that's a beautiful way to put it.
[8:41] Treating each relationship as if they could walk out and leave at any point.
[8:45] And sorry, the last thing I wanted to say is that's also true for your job. You remember that first day when you really wanted to make a good impression and you really wanted to be productive and you wanted to dig in and max out and have your boss be so thankful that he hired you.
[9:03] That's what you got to do.
[9:04] If you want to succeed at your job, go in every day like it's your first.
[9:09] Every day.
[9:10] And then you will succeed. Or at least it's your greatest shot at succeeding as opposed to going in, letting the cynicism and the laziness of your co-workers, that's always a huge downward drag. It's a boat anchor around your Olympic swimming legs. Everyone else is like, oh, you work too hard. Oh, you take things too seriously. Oh, that doesn't matter. It does matter. It matters how well you do your job, because we all rely on the quality of everyone else who does their job. We call an ambulance, Do you care how well the ambulance is maintained? Do you care whether they filled it with gas? Do you care whether somebody plowed the roads if it's snowy? Do you care about having electricity? Do you care whether your cell phone works? Of course, we all literally survive and thrive on people doing an excellent job. So you should contribute that to whatever it is you're doing. Whatever it is you're doing. When I was a waiter, I wanted to do an excellent job. When I was a gold panner, I wanted to do an excellent job. When I worked at a daycare, I wanted to do an excellent job. And you do that by not getting complacent. See, most people start off in the free market and in their own minds, they kind of drift off into some kind of government thing. Can't be fired. I've got tenure. I got a union. It's going to be a football field's worth of regulations just to try and get my ass out of this chair.
[10:26] And I guess if you work for the government,
[10:28] Maybe that's true. So with regards to family, if family is so important, and I think that it is, I know that it is. Family is very, very important. So if your parents were mean to you, if they neglected you, if they abused you verbally, physically, sexually, through neglect, which is the second result, worst to least worst is sexual abuse, the worst, neglect next worst, verbal abuse next worst, physical abuse is the least damaging, most dramatic sometimes except for sexual abuse, but least damaging so yeah if if people treat you badly see philosophy like physics doesn't stop at the family door doesn't stop when you go and knock on the door of your parents house morality is everywhere it's like oxygen it's everywhere like physics.
[11:23] You don't go into your
[11:25] Parents house and suddenly gravity reverses and you can dance on the ceiling haul it out style dance on your knees water doesn't boil at minus 100 degrees centigrade water doesn't boil, Light doesn't turn into darkness. Black doesn't become white. You don't become colorblind by walking into your parents' house. Hey, the laws of physics apply everywhere, and the laws of morality apply everywhere. And justice is treat people the best you can when you first meet them after that, treat them as they treat you. So if family is important, as it is, then your parents should treat you very well.
[12:01] Because family is important.
[12:03] If your parents treat you badly, my suggestion has always been, if your parents treat you badly, sit down and talk with them. Tell them your complaints. Tell them your issues. Tell them what you didn't like. Tell them what they did wrong. And be willing to hear their side and so on. But don't be gaslit. Don't let them say, oh, it never happened or you misinterpreted or whatever. Stand by. I mean, I love that Nietzsche phrase, never leave your actions in the lurch. Don't do stuff and then back away from it. If you've got to complain, sit down, have the complaint. Don't be ghastlit into not complaining and see how they react. Because when I was a kid, when I was a kid, I was told, don't lie, don't lie. Come on, don't lie. Tell the truth. Don't lie. Tell the truth. And I would be punished sometimes if I lied. I remember when I was in boarding school, we had these garters.
[12:54] Oh, there was
[12:55] A phrase when you were mad at a kid. You'd say, I'll have your guts for garters. how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat and i so i had these garters there with these elastics that kept my socks up and i was supposed to have them and i lost them somewhere who knows doesn't matter problem and and so the assistant headmaster came in i was getting ready for church and he said pull up your socks tuck in your god talk them into your goddess your goddess keep your socks up so they don't sag down some military thing i'm sure and i remember we We were in this dormitory where there were like 30 kids in the room. I still remember the purple hippo posters and these creaky spring beds. And I didn't have my garters. Now, I couldn't say I don't have my garters because this was a place where you got caned for breaking the rules.
[13:44] Which happened to me.
[13:47] And so I didn't want to say I don't have my garters for fear of being caned, for losing my garters. You have to pay attention and take care of your things, young man. So I walked between the beds So that he couldn't see my legs And I pretended to adjust my cartridge Which I did not have, And later, when I was changing, getting ready for bed after church, the assistant headmaster came in. You know, there's some people, I'm not one of them, there's some people who can move like a shadow, move like a ghost, and they just materialize. They just materialize. They beam in or something like that.
[14:25] And he's like,
[14:27] Where are your gutters? I guess he's suspected, right? Because, you know, when you're a kid, you think you're so smart.
[14:33] But, you know, the headmaster,
[14:34] The assistant headmaster, the nurse, the teachers, they've seen it all before. It's like, I'm going to outsmart the cops. No, you're not. They've been doing this for 20 years, and it's your first time. You won't beat the guys who played chess for 20 years either, if it's your first time. So, where's your goddess? And I said, I lost them today in gym class. And then I could see the realization hit his face. Oh, I was like, dang. today's the one day we don't have gym class. And anyway, so he retreated to confer with the nurse, and I imagine they were cooking up some sort of cannibal pot in which to give me the most horrendous punishment known to man, God, or devil. But whatever, nothing came of it. I don't know why. One of the things you figure out when you're a kid is that punishments are pretty random. And I don't know why, but nothing ever happened from there.
[15:31] But I was told,
[15:32] Don't lie, I was in trouble, if I guess I would be in trouble, not so much for losing my goddess, but for lying about losing my goddess and pretending, pretending, I tell you, that I had them on when I didn't. So I was punished for lying. So tell the truth. Telling the truth is a virtue. It's really the first. It's the first virtue. You can't have any other virtues if you're not committed to the truth. I mean, you can't have the virtue called, I don't know, stopping drugs if you lie to yourself about doing drugs or how bad it is. You can't quit smoking if you lie to yourself about how dangerous and bad smoking is. You can't lose weight if you're not honest yourself about whether you're fat and need to. So I was told, don't lie. Don't lie. Don't lie. Don't lie. Lying is bad. Telling the truth is good. So I'm sure your parents, when you were a kid and maybe even older, they told you, don't lie. Don't lie to me. I'm not going to get mad. I just need you to tell me the truth. Don't lie to me. Okay. So that's a virtue. Don't lie. So don't lie to your parents. If they did something when you were a kid or a series of things that bothered you, made you angry, upset, hurt, in pain, then don't lie to them. And lying by omission is a big lie. It's a big lie. It's one of the most dangerous lies, lying by omission. So you should listen to your parents and you should tell them the truth.
[16:58] Because they didn't say, tell the truth unless it's anything negative towards me. They should tell the truth. So you go and sit down with your parents and tell the truth. now. It may shock them, they may be surprised, and so on. But honor thy mother and thy father with thou shalt not bear false witness. You know, we lie to little kids because they can't handle it. It's fine, there's nothing wrong with it, but that's what we do. And we don't lie to adults because they can handle it. So if you were treated badly, and often will continue to be treated badly, see, if you were treated badly by your parents as a kid, and then as a young adult.
[17:35] You can't be
[17:36] Honest with them they're still treating you badly because you're still scared of them right if you are at a restaurant and you order the steak and they bring you one cold potato are you just going to sit there and say oh lovely steak no you'll say hey i'm sorry like i ordered when i ordered the i ordered the steak i don't know what this cold potato is but you mind getting me the steak because you're not scared of the restaurant you're not scared of the waiter, They're not going to backhand you if you send back the cold potato and ask for the steak that you ordered.
[18:09] So, right, you won't lie to them. You won't withhold information from them because you're not scared of them. Why would you be scared of your parents? You shouldn't be scared of your parents. They should be there as a resource. You shouldn't be scared of your teachers. You shouldn't be scared of your priest. You shouldn't be scared of your parents. They should be there as a resource to help you live life better.
[18:29] So be honest with your parents and see how they react. Because you can't have quality relationships with people under two conditions. One, and they're both related. One, you can't tell the truth. And two, they can't take any criticism. Oh, people who can't take any criticism. The most boring piles of intergalactic star sludge known to man. They're just so boring. All they do is deflect, avoid, gaslight, defend, right? uh darpo is it no darvo deny attack reverse victim and offender how dare you upset me by telling me the truth about how i harmed you it's like the thief who steals your car and then gets mad because you're victimizing him by getting him arrested so be honest with them and see if they can and maybe apologize so maybe there's things they can explain that you didn't know or something like that. I remember that Christmas when you guys were kind of cold. It's like, well, technically we were under a RICO investigation. I don't know, something that they could explain. And it was false or something like that. Something they could explain away or have you understand. It's good. But if they just double down and attack and so on, then I myself, I have three conversations. I'm a biblical guy that way. I have three conversations with people. And if nothing goes right, I've never told anyone to leave their families because that's not my choice.
[19:53] And and people
[19:54] Shouldn't do anything because i tell them to that would be ridiculous but you don't have to stay if the relationship is destructive and the price of having abusive people in your life is healthy people won't be around you the price of having toxic and abusive parents in your life is you can't marry a good person you can't because good people don't want to be around that.
[20:15] Like if you're a man and you've got a mom and dad who just belittle you and make fun of you and don't listen to you and never respond to anything that you want to talk about and so on, whatever it is, like negative behavior, blame you for everything, call you a klutz and a spaz and whatever it is, right? Mock you, put you down. Well, you as a man, you're not going to be evaluated as an individual. I guarantee you that. No smart woman is going to look at you and say, here he is in his splendid intergalactic isolation. I am marrying him, but only him. But there's no gene pool, no extended family, no mother-in-law, no father-in-law, no brothers-in-law, no sisters-in-law, nothing like that. No cousins, second cousins, aunts, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nothing. He's just, he lives in splendid isolation, like a planetless star in the far reaches of space. No, she's going to look at you and say, these, this family are the, these family, these family members are the people I'm going to have to live with for the next half century or more, you know, depending on how long your parents live, all that kind of stuff, right? And so if you have degrading, difficult, negative, abusive, toxic parents, and let's say you're a good guy, and then you bring this, your girlfriend around, she's going to be like, whoa, I don't like them because they treat you badly. If you love someone or you care about someone, you can't love someone and also love someone.
[21:37] Someone who treats them badly at the same time, can you love your girlfriend and also love the drunk who slaps her around at the bar? No, of course not. Can you love your boyfriend and also love the mother who calls him an idiot and a klutz and selfish and weird and a loser? No. So you will be judged by the company you keep. And the price of having bad people in your life is you can't have good people in your life. They're like this big fiery moat with alligators and lasers that you can't get past. Now, so to answer your question, sorry for the lengthy rant, but it's important. To answer your question, if you have bad family around, bad family of origin around, they don't listen, they put you down, then I would argue that as the world gets worse, which it is, having people around who aren't bonded with you and who don't love you is dangerous.
[22:33] I mean, my gosh,
[22:35] Did we not see all of this during COVID? When the supposed sanctity of marriage and family, oh, family, family is everything. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Is there an airborne cold and a half? Well, you're not coming to Thanksgiving. You're not, if you're unvaccinated, you're not coming to dinner. You're not coming to Christmas. You sit there in the car in the cold. You don't come at all. So, I mean, where's the bond, right? Where's the bond? you need people around
[23:04] you who are going to have your back no matter what. Now, hopefully that's family or that includes family, but if they're not good, then you have to find other people who are going to watch your back and you're going to watch their back who are loyal. I won't say to a fault. I mean, it's possible to be loyal to a fault because we should be loyal to virtue above all else. Because if our relationship virtues are not based upon moral virtues, they can't last, right? So if you have a family that's toxic, for which I have, you know, great and deep sympathy, but if you have a family that's toxic.
[23:39] And they won't reform,
[23:41] And they won't repent, and they won't change, and they won't admit any error or anything like that, then, you know, I certainly, I always recommend talk therapy if you can find a good therapist. But if that's not going to be your steadfast companions on the stormy seas of life, then you've got to go and make or find or gather together a group of people, who love you and who you love for your honesty, integrity, and your virtues. It is a massive mission. It is an essential mission. You have to find, create, forge, build a group of people in this life who will stick by you no matter what, and you will stick by them no matter what that you can trust. My God, if organized criminals can do it, surely good people can do it too. So As far as how you find those people, well, that is a different answer for everyone, but do not go through this life alone, particularly where the world is going. You need people, you need people, but you need people with unquestioned loyalty to the good and therefore to you and for whom you, through your unquestioned loyalty to the good, to virtue, to morality, also have their backs as well. Does that help at all, or was that too abstract and long-winded?
[25:02] It was long-winded, but it does help. Thank you, Stefan. I think my concern is that because the mission is so great of having to find those people, there are people, I mean, a lot of
[25:17] People will fail on that.
[25:18] Mission on finding a similar like-minded.
[25:23] Wait, wait, wait, hang on. What are you black-tailing for?
[25:25] Well, I've seen it. I've seen it.
[25:29] Okay, so to what if you hang on? So what if you see? Maybe you've seen it and maybe it's real. Maybe you have misinterpreted something. And I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just, what have you seen?
[25:41] Just the common loneliness epidemic that you can see, how women feel very out of place and they say they can't find a good man, how people go on less and less to moral physical centers like a church. I mean, you see a lot of virtue disenfranchisement, let me put it that way.
[26:09] Okay, so let me ask you this. I mean, I get all of that, but let me ask you this. So you've listened to me since you were 17, right? Correct.
[26:18] Okay.
[26:18] So have you ever tried to contact people through the show and find out or put information out in the various forums and so on over the show and said, hey, and don't tell me where you live, of course, but hey, here's where I live. Does anybody, is anyone around that we could get together or hang out, chat about the world, life, philosophy, whatever? I have not.
[26:38] Okay.
[26:38] So my good friends, you are largely full.
[26:40] Of crap about
[26:42] This issue, about this issue, You will love it, I'm sure. But if you're going to say, well, you know, there's a lot of people, they're not going to succeed in getting a good group of people together. And I'm like, well, I have provided for almost 20 years a forum. And I know that people have done this because I've helped facilitate it in the past. And it certainly happened that people have said, hey, and I see these messages. Hey, I live in such and such a place. It can be private messages. And there was a community in China. there's a community in Texas, there's a community in New Hampshire, there's a community in England. So like, I know of these communities. I obviously don't keep track of them in any particular detail, but people have taken the initiative to find like-minded philosophy people that have been marriages, families, lifelong friendships that have lasted 15 years, that have come out, babies have come out of all of this. So, I mean, frankly, I sort of hate to sound like I'm coming down heavy, But how dare you blackpill people on finding a good community when you haven't lifted a finger in a decade or more to try in this way.
[27:51] I think you got a point. I think you got a point.
[27:53] So the question is why, and again, I'm not trying to be mean, but why wouldn't you, in all of the various forums that I have created, and there have been, I don't know, James could probably remind me, but I can think off the top of my head, eight different places where over the years, people could post and have posted to try and find philosophically minded people somewhere close to where they live. And it's not a criticism because it's not like everybody has to do this, but if you're complaining and saying, well, you know, it's tough to find that good group of people, then you're like a guy complaining that it's tough to find dates when he doesn't leave his apartment.
[28:32] You're right. I think I moved out of my home city three years ago. I started my career out of college and I've had difficulty finding that,
[28:45] How do you say,
[28:46] The network of good people. I have a great family. I have a great group of friends. But moving to a new city and not knowing anybody, I think, is what brought me to this. Because I've seen it, right? I think I've seen it. Maybe I'm projecting. I see it within myself. It's tough starting from scratch and finding those communities, finding those people.
[29:11] Okay. So, hang on. Hang on. Okay. So, you're just saying it's tough, right? Okay. So, whatever. But what have you done to try and find these communities or to try and find philosophically like-minded people or people who think or whatever, even if they disagree with various things, at least they think, right?
[29:26] Well, I mean, I can tell you how tough it can be on different countries. I can tell you.
[29:33] No, I did. What was my question?
[29:35] What have I done?
[29:37] Yeah, what have you done? Not how difficult it is. What have you done?
[29:40] Well, which is why I gave you the point. I think I should do more.
[29:44] No but now you're telling me it's difficult again but if you haven't done anything of course i mean it's not just difficult it's impossible right so you're some guy saying you know geez i'm 350 pounds steph i uh you know i it's really tough to lose weight and i say well what have you done to lose weight do you are you eating less or exercising more oh no well.
[30:03] What are you what are you
[30:05] Telling me it's difficult for if you haven't lifted a finger to solve it i don't mind Like if you called me up and you said, oh my gosh, I have been trying, like I've contacted all these people through free domain. I've joined local philosophy groups. I have set up meetups. I've invited people. Like if you've done all of that and come up empty, hey man, massive sympathy. But if you've not tried anything, then how dare you come and complain that something's really difficult when you haven't even tried to solve it? Because you're spreading despair to other people. Oh, I can't find people who think everyone's an NPC. It's impossible to find a good community.
[30:47] Bull! At least come up and say, Steph, I don't know why, but I don't lift a finger to find any like-minded people. Okay, that's that. Hey, we can talk about that. But don't come in with all this black pill nonsense. without even telling me that you've not lifted a finger to solve it. That's unfair, right? It's unfair to the audience.
[31:07] Yeah, I think you're getting to the root. You're getting to the root cause here. You focus on what you see, and I don't think that I've been seeing. I'm not focusing on those groups. I'm not doing enough to find like-minded people, regardless of how tough it can be when you're starting out in a...
[31:26] Okay, and that's fine. but the question is that it's an interesting question it's not a nagging question like why the hell why not.
[31:33] Well uh i think you're gonna like throw the throw the answer to the side but i've been like really focused on my career uh which is why i moved out to another city i mean the groups of people i know are all work related and they are they're fine people i go out with them we play sports but like getting those connections finding a good woman it's it's it's tough it's tough i mean when you're like solely laser focused on on your career i'm 27 right now um i think i've been only focusing on that and maybe uh not not putting that energy onto building those relationships which is like like like are you
[32:13] Uh sorry are you aware of that like are you aware that when you call me up and say man it's almost impossible to find thoughtful people are.
[32:21] You aware that
[32:22] You haven't tried and or is this news to you, are you still on yep.
[32:28] I'm here yeah uh yeah no i i think i knew in a sense but you're putting it very bluntly and i think i needed to hear that uh in the way you phrased it
[32:37] James has given me plenty of places where people have found each other there were the original forums which were around from like 2006 or something like that multiple facebook groups uh there was a meetup everywhere before meetup.com closed it there's a server and there's i don't know you can go to freedomain.com slash connect for all of the different social media platforms and so on. There's so many places. And listen, I'm not saying that people who think creatively and empirically are a dime a dozen. It's rare. I get it. I get it. But let's say that you want to take a picture of a particular bird that's rare, then you got to look for a while. But don't tell me it's.
[33:17] Impossible to find this bird when you never
[33:19] Go out into the woods and look. That's all I'm saying because i i know i personally like i i was just talking about this believe it or not with a friend of mine today that i i went through the list of all the people that i've known who've gotten together and created groups and meetups and and uh communities and marriages and and all of that from from uh from what it is that that we've done so so tell me about you said that you can't find a good woman so what's your what's your what's the story with your dating life at the moment Well.
[33:47] I've had two serious girlfriends, one since I was 15 until I was like 23 when I first left here.
[33:54] Wait, 15 to 23? Eight years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy bull sack, bro. I know, I know. What the hell?
[34:05] What do I tell you?
[34:06] Didn't work out. Didn't work out. I moved out.
[34:09] Didn't work, but it sure took a long time to not work out, man. So she was good enough for eight years, but not good enough for nine.
[34:16] I moved out. I moved out chasing the position, chasing the job. I got the job. I got here.
[34:24] But hang on, hang on. But why didn't you? I mean, I'm not saying whether you should have. I'm just, but why didn't you marry her?
[34:30] Because I was very young and I made a lot of mistakes.
[34:34] No, no, no. 23 is not very young. 17 is young. 23 is not young.
[34:39] Well, before you marry, I think you need to have some sort of foundation, an economical foundation to build a life upon.
[34:47] Why? Sorry, why do you need that?
[34:51] For peace of mind.
[34:52] I mean, you don't want to be standing on ice. And when you're 23 and you have no money.
[34:59] Sorry, do you think that our ancestors as a whole had a lot of money in the bank when they got hitched at the age of 17?
[35:06] I don't know. No, but...
[35:09] Do you think that we evolved that you need a lot of money in the bank? What about the Middle Ages? What about the Stone Ages? What about the Bronze Age? Did you need a lot of money in the bank? to get married i i can't i can't eat uh history books and feed them to my future children stefan, that uh what you're saying is correct a little snarky that's hang on that's a little snarky but which is fine i mean i can be snarky too i'm just sort of pointing it out but your ancestors did not need a lot of savings or a big income to get married now did the girl, did she say, I'm not marrying you until you make $50,000 a year?
[35:51] She did not. You know, let me tell you, I made a lot of mistakes with her from 15, being essentially a teenager, a child, from being 23. When I moved here, I had a false sense of me wanting, because I had only been with one person. I wanted to meet other women. And that ultimately backfired. At the end, I made a mistake. but when I tried to go back with her, she was with somebody else.
[36:18] Okay, so hang on. So this is a pattern here that you say something is circumstantial when it's actually you making bad choices. So you say, well, it's really tough to find people. It's like, but have you tried? No. So it turns out that it's your bad choice. And I'm not trying to nag on you. You say, well, you know, we couldn't get married. I had to have an income. And it's like, no, it's because I wanted to have sex with other girls. And that's, so you see what I mean? You say that something is environmental or circumstantial or beyond your control. You just thought, clearly.
[36:47] You have to have all this money to get married.
[36:49] And as it turns out, when I drill a little deeper, it's a bad decision. Now, listen, I've made bad decisions, so I'm not wagging my finger from some elevated place here. But don't try and tell people that it's, well, because you've got to have money to get married when it turns out you just wanted to bang other women and regretted it.
[37:09] You're right.
[37:10] You're right.
[37:11] And I say this because I put myself in a slinky pair.
[37:17] Of thong panties.
[37:19] I'm not kidding about that. So what I do is when I listen to a man, especially a young listener, of this, I put myself in the mindset of a hot, virtuous woman. Do you want a hot, virtuous woman? Of course.
[37:38] Of course you do,
[37:39] Right? And so a hot, virtuous woman, if she listens to you make all of these excuses, is she going to be attracted to you?
[37:48] Well, of course not. Of course not.
[37:51] So don't make these excuses because it keeps good women away from you. Just say, yeah, I was young and dumb. And I also had bad advice. And I thought the grass was greener. And boy, have I learned my lesson. And yeah, I definitely want like-minded people, but, you know, I've just never really lifted a finger to do it. So there's no point complaining about it unless I'm willing. Like that level of personal responsibility is going to be attractive to a hot moral woman.
[38:17] This mealy mouth, excusey stuff is she's going to be like, oh, Lord, it's just another man boy who blames everyone but himself. I'm trying to help you here. Like, I know it's. No, I'm trying to follow.
[38:29] I'm following. I'm following. Okay.
[38:32] Okay, so what happened with the girl? So you finished university, you were dating through university, if you went? Okay, so you finished university and then what?
[38:43] I moved abroad. What happened was exactly what you said. I thought the grass was greener, moving to a new city, so I broke up with her.
[38:52] Well, hang on, hang on. But when you broke, had she wanted to get married to you or had her parents said, you should marry this girl you've been dating for close to a decade, you should marry her. Was there any sort of pressure or expectation? Did she want you to marry her? Did her family want you to marry her? Did your family say get married?
[39:14] There was an expectation, I think.
[39:18] No, no, not an expectation. Was it communicated?
[39:21] No, not by her parents. And by her, maybe she would say, when we get married, when we get married. I don't think the, I don't think, she never explicitly said, oh, when are you going to put the ring on me? She never said that. But I think it was.
[39:37] So, Shang-An, so she never said that. family never said that does she have.
[39:41] Brothers no she does not
[39:42] Okay does she.
[39:44] Have sisters she does yeah
[39:45] Okay are they older younger older okay did her older sisters say to you okay like come on this has been going on for you know five six seven years uh you got to get married uh so did your family say that did did any did anybody sit you down and say it is absolutely wrong to string this girl along if you're not going to marry her and waste eight years.
[40:06] Of her life i am being completely honest with you and taking everything that we've discussed, not putting excuses. No, it wasn't explicitly said. Okay.
[40:18] I'm not sure what explicitly means here. I'm not saying people are.
[40:21] Saying anything I
[40:22] Swear while they're doing it.
[40:23] They're sitting you down and telling you, hey, you need to do this. We expect you to do this. I mean, they were supportive. My parents were, hey, if you want to do this, I think she's a good woman. I think you guys will work out. but never explicitly, we never discussed dates or, no, nothing of that nature.
[40:44] No, because honestly, if you did that to my daughter, I'd invite you on a hunting trip to a very distant location. And that would be a really tragic and sad accident, and it would be really heartbreaking. But at least my daughter would be free. No, seriously. I mean, like, because you say you have a good family, and how did they let you? Okay, so you broke up with her, and did she fight?
[41:05] Did she say no? I mean, the heart was broken. She didn't take it well. How can you do this? We've been together so long. That sort of thing. That sort of thing.
[41:19] Yeah.
[41:21] Okay. And so she obviously fought to try and keep the relationship going. But you were in a different city, right? And why didn't you, did she not move? Why didn't she just move to be with you?
[41:32] I didn't ask her to because she said she would have done it. But I was still on the false pretense that the grass was greener.
[41:39] And what was it that you think you were looking for in other women that you couldn't get in.
[41:45] Your long term job? Essentially just having sex with different women. How sad is that, right? I mean, I know it now, but at the moment, it was just how am I only going to have sex with one woman, right? That's what I thought at the time.
[42:02] Because that's the best. I mean, you found that out, didn't you?
[42:06] Well, yeah, too late
[42:09] That's the best that's the best sex is when you both know each other you know what you like you know the timing the rhythms all this kind of stuff that's that's the best sex and you know we're designed to be monogamous right but you went that sort of porn fantasy route of like if i stack them up like court would uh my balls will sing an ode to joy.
[42:28] Right they did not sing no
[42:30] They did not right right because you know you you gotta go have sex with some of the girls you don't know what you're doing with each other and you've got to figure things out. And by that time, it doesn't really work out. And so, okay. And so it's been four years since you broke up. And you said that it was your first relationship. You said that you've had two. What's this?
[42:50] I had another girlfriend since last August until... No, we started last November and we broke up... No, we started November 23, and we broke up in September 24. So almost a year.
[43:05] Okay, and why did you break up?
[43:06] She broke up with me. She broke up with me,
[43:08] Actually. Okay, why did she break up with you?
[43:11] I'm going to keep it true. I don't think she loved me enough. Her mother died. And I thought that had something to do with that, but she just emotionally became like she subtracted herself from the relationship. I think...
[43:28] Sorry, she what?
[43:29] She subtracted herself. She wasn't there for me or herself even after her mother passed. Like, she kind of was ghosting me.
[43:38] And sorry, how long into the relationship did her mother pass?
[43:41] We, like, seven, eight months.
[43:45] Was it sudden or was it?
[43:47] It was declined. Her mother had cancer before we met and she just got worse.
[43:53] Oh, so she started dating you while her mother was dying of cancer. Well, that's not wise. Unless you have some, you know, magically huge heart that is a great comfort to her or whatever, right?
[44:04] I thought I was going to be, but she didn't want it. I tried.
[44:09] That's a heavy burden to put on a new relationship is, oh, yeah, my mother's dying. because, I mean, honestly, you're a young man. You also want to go out and have some fun and not have a big heavy cloud hanging over the whole thing and, you know, your girlfriend's randomly bursting into tears. And, I mean, it's one thing if you're married and, you know, then you just go through these life trials together. But if it's a relative new relationship and mom's taking the slide into the big easy, then that's a lot of burden to put on.
[44:37] And I would have done it. I would have done it, but she...
[44:40] Sorry, done what?
[44:41] I would have been by her side, you know. It's not like, I mean, I met the mom, I carried the funeral case. I mean, I was on the phone with her, but she just, I was on the shoulder she wanted or she needed to cry on, I think.
[44:59] So there's a deficiency in virtue in every breakup is based upon a deficiency of virtue. Every breakup. And so where do you think the deficiency of virtue? Because if you're attracted to each other enough to date and to have sex and all of that, then the glue that binds you together is virtue. Love is our involuntary response to virtue if we're virtuous. So all breakups are based upon a deficiency of virtue. And where do you think it was in this one?
[45:30] No, Stefan, that's a deep question. I need to think about that.
[45:33] Well, let me ask you this. What were the virtues in this woman that you admired?
[45:38] She grounded me a lot. Like, I thought I was this big hot shot in the company. And she worked at the company that I was here. And before we dated, she was like, you're an idiot. You need to do this and this and this.
[45:51] And that... Sorry, before you dated, she said you were an idiot.
[45:54] In a good sense. In a good sense. Like, she grounded me a lot. And that... She made me, I used to be obsessed with the past and the future, and she helped me be in the now. As first as co-workers and then as friends and then as my girlfriend. Was she? No, no, we were both the same age.
[46:14] Okay, got it. All right, so she thinks you're an idiot, but she thinks that she's wise.
[46:19] Right?
[46:19] Maybe.
[46:21] No, she has to be. Otherwise, she wouldn't have the knowledge or wisdom to call you an idiot. And I don't know that that's the best way to bring someone along in a professional sense. But okay, so she was honest with you and she called you out pretty harshly on your shortcomings. Is that a fair way to put it?
[46:38] Yeah, basically.
[46:39] Okay, what else?
[46:40] She was very warm when we were together. Warm in an emotional sense, beyond the physical. She was very kind, very nice.
[46:50] And I'm not disagreeing with you, but what does that mean in terms of like, What would I see in her that I would say, oh, she's really worried?
[46:57] I'll get home and how are you? How did you go at work today? She make the meals. Hey, I thought of you and I bought you this detail, this little thing. Hey, I know you were sick. I brought you soup. Things like that. She was very caring, in a sense.
[47:14] Okay. Caring and thoughtful. Okay. And what else?
[47:17] She asked how I was doing.
[47:19] Well, that's caring and thoughtful. What else?
[47:21] Do you need more?
[47:23] Well, so far we have She's blunt and caring She's blunt and caring Yeah.
[47:30] I think that was basically it I mean, outside of the physical I mean, I had good times with her We traveled a lot The conversations were fluid She wasn't, like, philosophically oriented But she was, like, she listened And she asked questions of things That she wasn't familiar with and she had an openness to learning things that I was interested in. So it was nice talking with her.
[47:58] Other than at work,
[47:59] Which is, I guess, not that important, although, again, I think a little harsh. Other than at work, what other wisdoms did she provide or give to you that you still find to be?
[48:08] You're not going to like the answer. You're not going to like the answer. Because now that I'm saying it out loud, I think it wasn't wisdom. She, and this is going to be heavy, she implicitly taught me to suffer in silence, like for women. because I'm going to tell you a very quick story. When we first started dating, I was looking at the next position at my job as something very difficult to achieve. I felt it was so far away. I moved out of my home city, outside of my parents' house. I didn't feel like I was going to make it. And one day I was in the apartment and I was basically about to break down in tears. I was going through this very rough moment in my job. And I didn't feel empathy. I didn't feel empathy from her. And I noticed that the way I think I learned, which was a bad lesson, like men should suffer in silence. So I started suffering in silence and I eventually got the promotion. And like, I noticed that she was more attracted to me because I solved it. Right.
[49:19] Which isn't because you what?
[49:21] I noticed that she was like,
[49:24] Heard the mean. Yeah, no, I got that. But because you what? Because I got the promotion.
[49:29] Because the big bets that I made coming here, I got the big job that I was saving for at the company.
[49:37] Okay. So she is caring, but you have to suffer in silence.
[49:44] Yeah. Yeah. I mean.
[49:46] What do you think of that?
[49:48] Well, you're making me say it, but I don't think it was.
[49:51] I'm not trying to make you say anything. It seems a bit contradictory, and I'd like to just have it explained.
[49:57] I think she wasn't the right fit at the end. I think that showed the level of emotional. She didn't have the level of emotional intelligence that you need from a partner.
[50:09] And me being so alone,
[50:12] Me being so isolated, which is how we first started this conversation, made me, I think, accept certain things from her. Thank you. So, yeah, I think it wasn't the right call at the moment and in retrospect.
[50:31] Okay, so she wasn't that kind if you're upset about something and she basically tells you to suffer in silence. That's not kind, right?
[50:39] She didn't say it, but I didn't feel the empathy that I needed at the moment.
[50:43] Well, did she give you love and thoughtfulness and care and attention and affection while you were going through a tough time or did she withdraw?
[50:51] She'd withdraw. And
[50:52] Almost kind of punish you for having She withdrew.
[50:54] And she did the same when her When her mother died because Her mother died, she withdraws And I was trying To find ways of telling her like Hey, I know you're going through a tough time But I'm here with you Our relationship is two people And I feel like I'm alone in this And she, again Retracted and emotionally I mean, the writing was on the wall Now
[51:18] That I'm thinking about it Sorry, what do you mean? Like the way.
[51:22] She retracted emotionally from me when I was going through a tough time happened again when she was going through a tough time because of her mother passing. And I was telling her, hey, I know you're going through this horrible, horrible experience that I can't understand, but a relationship is of two. I need you here. I can be here for you.
[51:49] No, but when you were going through a tough time, she withdrew, which means she doesn't know how to deal with people going through a tough time, which would include herself.
[51:57] Right? You are so right. You are so right. You hit the
[51:59] Nail on the head with that.
[52:00] Yes. And why were you primarily attracted to her?
[52:08] I think primarily, primarily...
[52:12] To I'm trying to think of an answer that can link it to what we were first saying but I think isolation played a big part in that I mean she was of course very attractive oh you were lonely was that
[52:22] Well you were lonely yes yes okay and listen there's nothing wrong with that being a motive there's nothing wrong with that at all because loneliness has helped helps us to make sure that we pursue connection right yeah okay so you were lonely and uh what else she.
[52:38] Was very beautiful she
[52:39] Was there you go okay so you she was very very attractive right yeah okay and what vetting did you do to make sure that your heart was relatively safe in this woman's hands i didn't.
[52:54] I just i just steamrolled into it i mean the the first month like the first two months were so um were so positive uh we were both
[53:05] Very lonely you mean you had a lot of sex yeah.
[53:07] Yeah but we Yeah,
[53:08] You had a lot of sex. Okay, so you love-bombed each other.
[53:11] Yeah, we love-bombed the shit out of it. But not only physically, but I think she was also very lonely with her mother dying. Her also leaving outside of her home city. I think we found, like, two lonely people trying to patch each other up. Okay.
[53:29] All right, so, I mean, you kind of listen to me for entertainment. And that's fine. I mean, hopefully I'm entertaining. But you don't listen to me in terms of, like, actually making life decisions. i'm listening no i'm not i mean it's just they're just pointing it out right like.
[53:44] If if you're like
[53:45] Hey i i love watching these exercise programs man those those those women in spandex man you know richard simmons bouncing around like some kiebler elf on a cocaine trampoline like that's fantastic i love watching so but if you're overweight and and you don't exercise then you're just watching the shows right so you know if if you call up a fitness instructor and you say man man, I've been watching your fitness shows for 10 years. And I say, oh, wow, what do you weigh? 350 pounds. I'm like, okay, so you're just watching them, right? Like you're not actually doing it. You're just watching it. And I'm not even nagging at you. I'm just pointing it out. That's good. This is good news. Because if you think that watching the exercise show gives you muscles and weight loss, and you're wrong, that's good. Because then you actually have to start doing what the exercise shows tell you to do.
[54:37] not just watch them for entertainment or, you know, but floss bikinis or something like that, right? So you listen to philosophy, you enjoy philosophy, but you don't do philosophy. And again, I'm not trying to nag at you. It's just, it's a good news fact because if things aren't working out, were doing the exercise program for 10 years straight and you were 350 pounds, that would be like some incomprehensible disaster, right?
[55:05] Yeah.
[55:06] I bid 1,200 calories. You know, I exercise every day and I'm 350 pounds. Well, you'd actually be a physics miracle because you'd be maintaining more energy than you were taking in, which would be physically impossible. But if you were lifting weights and somehow not gaining muscle, that would indicate a pretty severe health issue, I would assume, right? Because you're supposed to gain muscle when you lift weights. So the fact that you've been watching philosophy but not doing philosophy is why you're not satisfied with your social life, and it's why you're not satisfied with your dating life. And so, you know, I would invite you, and I say this with all humility, but I would invite you to actually start doing philosophy rather than listening to and watching philosophy.
[55:48] That's a great advice. Thank you, Stephan.
[55:51] So what does that mean to you?
[55:52] Just trying to live a virtuous life Yeah,
[55:57] Yeah, yeah But what does that mean to you practically?
[56:00] Looking for For real connections And things that I like In the city I live in Trying to Find pleasure in being alone So I am not So I'm not As vulnerable to fall For Okay,
[56:20] That's all very nice. I want practical stuff. Practical stuff. Okay. Let's put me back into my butt plus bikini, right? I'm a hot girl. You want to date me. You want to love me. You want to marry me. All right. So I'm a hot girl. What do you need to ask me to have a reasonable chance at a good relationship? What do you need to find out from me?
[56:47] How is your relationship with your parents um what is your religion um what are your habits how how do you spend your free time alone things like that
[57:00] Okay those can all help um so here are the questions that i would ask and these aren't the right questions i mean yours are fine too this is just my particular thoughts on it uh do you want to have kids okay do you want to have kids.
[57:15] I'm asking yes i do
[57:16] Okay so do you want to have kids, ask a woman, do you want to have kids? If she doesn't want to have kids, say, well, that's a shame. I don't care, you know, how Mariana Trench Deep her cleavage is, you got to punch yourself in the nads, cross your legs and waddle off, right? So say how all relationships have conflicts. How do you resolve conflicts? So what's your ideal on how to resolve conflicts?
[57:45] I think, like you said, by talking, I don't own the truth.
[57:50] But yeah, but you need to ask the woman that, right? Yeah, of course. So do you think it's acceptable to yell at each other?
[57:57] No. Do you think it's
[57:59] Acceptable to call each other names?
[58:01] Do you think it's acceptable to just withdraw and rage quit or storm off or do you stay in the conversation calmly and reasonably trying to figure out a win-win solution right.
[58:13] So these are all right now if somebody says i think that we should reason things out
[58:18] Then i would say um what experience do you have doing that right so uh you know hopefully my daughter when she gets married. She has seen my wife and I get along well for 23 years. Well, she hasn't seen it for all 23 years, but for the whole time that we've been together, I said, my wife, we were just talking about this today. Like we have maybe one conflict a year that's not resolved in three minutes and instead it's 20 minutes, right? It's not a big deal. So I would say, okay, so you want to reason. I think that's great. No yelling, no name calling, no storming off, no punishment, no freezing people out no slamming doors no like like none of that toddler stuff right so you want to reason things out great okay so what is your experience say oh well you know i.
[59:06] I watched my
[59:06] Parents and they taught me a lot about how to resolve disputes and my parents never fought in that kind of ugly way and okay then that's great right that's great because.
[59:13] If somebody says
[59:14] Um the way that we resolve conflicts in a relationship is we both switch to fluent japanese well you have to ask her if she actually can speak Japanese, right? So she says, well, we should reason. Great. What's your experience doing that? Now, she, of course, will ask you the same thing and you got to have an answer, right? And so, yeah, do you want to have kids? How are we going to resolve disputes? What's your relationship to money? Do you like to spend? Do you like to save? Do you want to live in the country? Do you want to live in the city? Do you like to travel at the expense of having a house? Do you want to have a house more than you want to?
[59:50] Whatever, right?
[59:52] And then you go and you meet her family and you evaluate her family because they're going to be, as we talked about earlier, they're going to be your family and they're going to be heavily involved in the raising of your bambinos, of your children, right? So these are all things. And then you see how she treats waiters. You see how she treats bus conductors. You see how she treats her siblings. You go and meet her friends and see her friends' quality because women need to show resistance to peer pressure. Do you know why women need to show resistance to peer pressure?
[1:00:27] So they have a character, right?
[1:00:32] Well, sure, but that's true of everyone. But in particular, women need to show resistance to peer pressure because women make each other break up a lot. You know that old saying, single women keep women single. so if there is a girl a woman in your potential girlfriend's social circle who has an unhealthy amount of influence then if she doesn't like you or you do something that she doesn't like or whatever then she will tell your girlfriend oh you should break up with him or or if she's dating you and two of her friends go through breakups, then the breakups, if she's susceptible to peer pressure, if your girlfriend is susceptible to peer pressure, then she'll likely break up with you too. There have been these studies that when there's a divorce in a social group, the risks of divorce to everyone else goes up like 40%. So you need a woman with good, healthy friends. You also need a woman who's got good, healthy male relationships. So she's got brothers. because if she only listens to her female friends, you're in for a kind of crazy rollercoaster of over peer pressure and all of that. And, you know, God love women, but they are a little bit more susceptible to peer pressure, right? They score higher in the big five trait agreeableness and so on, right? So, you know, these are all things that you would look at. You don't want an overly high body count and, you know.
[1:02:01] You need her to
[1:02:02] Believe in reality, right? Not be some weird mystic. I don't know if you've seen that meme where this guy texts his mother and says, oh, what time of day was I born? And the mother says, stay away from her because she's a witch, right?
[1:02:16] She's a mystic.
[1:02:17] So, you know, you don't have to share every belief, of course.
[1:02:21] But you do
[1:02:22] Have to share, of belief, reason and evidence. And, you know, she'll have some stuff to teach you in that area. You'll have some stuff to teach her in that area. But you've got to vet out of respect for your heart and your future children. Because, you know, dating is not about your balls. Dating is about your future children. You choose who you date as if your future children get the deciding vote,
[1:02:48] right so are you doing any of this kind of editing.
[1:02:53] I mean no no i know and and with the women i've dated since uh i've just been pointing and shooting man like
[1:03:03] So you've just been what pointing.
[1:03:05] And shooting i mean just going through one two three four ten fifteen and seeing what sticks right i mean i'm sorry
[1:03:13] Hang on you said you dated 15 girls in.
[1:03:17] What time frame starting in February, from February to what month are we in? October, September?
[1:03:26] We are in September.
[1:03:27] Yes. So not 15, like 10. But, I mean, one, two dates. I mean...
[1:03:34] So you're not sleeping with these girls?
[1:03:36] With a few. With a few.
[1:03:38] Are you sleeping with girls knowing that you don't want to date them?
[1:03:42] Yes. Yes.
[1:03:43] Do they know that?
[1:03:45] No.
[1:03:46] No. You lying son of a bitch Yes Come on man That's vile So you're dangling a potential relationship over these women So you can fuck them And then you toss them aside.
[1:04:01] Way of putting it, but I think...
[1:04:02] Okay, tell me what is incorrect. No, no. No, listen, I want to be fair. I want to be fair. Tell me what is incorrect about what I said. No, no.
[1:04:09] No, no.
[1:04:10] I think... No, you're right, man. You're right.
[1:04:13] Do you say to them, listen, I don't really like you. I'm certainly not going to date you, but I want to have sex with you.
[1:04:19] There comes a point, but it usually comes after I've slept with them like twice. Like, hey, this is very fun, but we can continue doing this, but I don't see myself dating you in the long term. It does happen.
[1:04:31] Oh, so I don't want to date you, but I'll use you for your flesh.
[1:04:34] I mean, they're using me too, and not only for my flesh, my money, my time.
[1:04:39] They're women. It's different. You know that. They're women. Do they want to have a relationship with you when they sleep with you?
[1:04:46] I don't know.
[1:04:47] I don't know. Oh, so you don't even know if they like you? I mean, they do like me, but... Okay, so if they like you and they're having sex with you, they want a relationship with you. That's how women are wired, right? Yes. Men are wired to be more polygamous because when a bunch of men would get killed at war and hunting or whatever, saving the village from the Macedon Stampede or something like that, we had to be polygamous in order to replenish the tribe.
[1:05:15] Right?
[1:05:16] Yeah.
[1:05:17] Okay, so men are wired differently and we can survive a higher body count much better than women can. Because there was no time in history where a woman could have consequence-free sex. Because all sex involved the possibility of a 20-year commitment to raising a child. if you say, well, they're using me in the same way, it's not the same. Also, women put themselves at significant risk when they have sex with a stranger because you're twice their size and you're pinning them down. I'm not saying you're pinning them down in any violent manner, of course, right? But it's risky.
[1:05:53] They're in a very vulnerable
[1:05:54] Position in a way that a man isn't, unless maybe it's oral sex or whatever, right? So why don't you want to date the women that you have sex with?
[1:06:05] Vetoed. Not a lot of them want to have children. They don't come from a similar family background as mine. They're not Catholic. For me, that's a big wall.
[1:06:19] Is it Catholic to fornicate?
[1:06:22] We're all flesh and sin, Stefan. But yes. I know the hypocrisy. I know the hypocrisy.
[1:06:28] I sin because mankind is sinful. Don't give me that. If you know it's a sin and you do it, it's a sin.
[1:06:35] It's a mortal sin. It's a mortal sin. I'm going to hell. What are you doing? Being very, very incongruent.
[1:06:42] No, seriously, don't be clipped. Don't be clipped with me. What are you doing? Why are you using these women in a satanic fashion?
[1:06:49] To not be as lonely, which is the root of what I was asking you at the beginning, I think.
[1:06:54] Okay. Has you, since the age of 23, so that's four years, you have been trying to stuff the hole in your heart with other women's holes, has it worked?
[1:07:05] No, no, no.
[1:07:07] And do you realize what peril you are in? And I mean this with all, like all joking aside, just man to man, heart to heart. Do you realize the danger that you're in? No, I don't just mean going to hell, although that is a danger, but the danger that you're in, that if you use people, your self-contempt will arise to the point where you simply will never believe anyone who says that they love you. You will be unable to be loved. This marching from desert hole to desert hole would be the rest of your fucking existence.
[1:07:42] Can you expand on that? Because that's very scary, and I've never heard it. If you use people
[1:07:47] Like masturbatory flesh objects while lying to them, if you defraud and deceive women into having sex with you by dangling the possibility of a relationship which you know is impossible, then you are treating a human sovereign consciousness as a hole to dump your seed in, like a third hand. If you keep doing that, if you dehumanize others, which you are doing, you are dehumanizing them, you're using them simply for their flesh. If you dehumanize others, It's an action of selfishness and of contempt for both of you. Now, if you act in a predatory, duplicitous, and fraudulent manner, you accumulate self-contempt and contempt for women, because this stuff only works on women who are not particularly smart.
[1:08:45] Is that right?
[1:08:46] Yeah. Yeah. Right. Part of the veto, too.
[1:08:49] I'm sorry?
[1:08:50] Part of the veto too, because I end up thinking, yeah, I think of a potential relationship and I think, oh, I wouldn't like having, I don't imagine us conversating when we're older, but, but I mean, the, she's not, I don't want to say it this way, but she's stupid enough to go to bed with me. So why am I thinking?
[1:09:11] Right, right, right. So, and so you are using your superior intelligence. I also assume that you're good looking, right?
[1:09:19] I mean, yes.
[1:09:19] Okay, so you're good-looking. Did you earn that?
[1:09:22] I work out.
[1:09:24] Yeah, did you earn being good-looking?
[1:09:27] Part of it, but I was born with a lot of... I mean, I was born with something, and I worked on it with going to the gym and eating well.
[1:09:38] Yeah, but that's like saying somebody with a good singing voice is taking singing lessons. But you go to the gym because it pays off, in particular because you're good-looking, right? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure you've seen these pictures of the ugly guys who go to the gym. Huh. it doesn't particularly work, right? It's not bad. It's good to be healthy, but it does not the same, right?
[1:09:58] Yeah, you're right.
[1:09:59] Okay. So do you have a nice head of hair?
[1:10:02] I do for now.
[1:10:03] Did you earn that?
[1:10:04] No.
[1:10:05] No. Okay. And what about your intelligence? Did you earn that?
[1:10:11] I worked on it, but I was born with a lot of it. Yeah. You were born with intelligence.
[1:10:15] Your verbal skills are fantastic and you're very intelligent. You've listened to what I do. So I put you in the top 1% of intelligence. Okay. So you happen to be born very good looking. You happen to be born very smart. These things aren't bad.
[1:10:28] There's nothing to be ashamed of.
[1:10:30] But using them to sexually exploit women is a pretty base way of using your God-given talents. Do you think God.
[1:10:38] Gave you this so
[1:10:40] That you could lie to and exploit women?
[1:10:44] No, he did not, man. Oh, my God. He did not.
[1:10:47] And you know that. and the more that you do it the more self-contempt you will have and you also you have to steer away from intelligent and virtuous women because when you try pulling this oily greasy player shit with intelligent virtuous women what will they say.
[1:11:05] I've tried it and it happens like they tell me to get the fuck away and right
[1:11:11] Don't laugh at me bro don't laugh about this shit i'm serious. Do not laugh. Your soul is on the line. Do not laugh about this. You don't have a daughter, right?
[1:11:20] No.
[1:11:20] I have a daughter. This is important. It's important to me. It should be important to you. If you treated my daughter this way, well, it would not be good. a daughter that you love, that you treasure, who is the light of your heart and the apple.
[1:11:39] Of your eye,
[1:11:40] Do you want her to grow up and meet a guy like you?
[1:11:44] Not me now, no.
[1:11:46] You when?
[1:11:47] In the future, when I stop doing this shit, when the good parts of me overcome all of this.
[1:11:55] Right. But here's the thing. You have a daughter and you'll realize what you've done to these women. You have a daughter, and as a good father, you will tell her to stay away from people like you as you are now, right?
[1:12:08] Yeah.
[1:12:09] Right.
[1:12:10] Fuck, yeah.
[1:12:11] And good women steer clear of you. And in women who aren't smart, or women who are insecure, or women who are also consumed by lust because you work out and you're a good-looking guy with a good head of hair and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you're all sinning together. And what is the wages of sin? What is it? What, sorry? What are the wages of sin?
[1:12:32] I think the language… Mr.
[1:12:33] Catholic, what are the wages of sin?
[1:12:35] I'm going to hell?
[1:12:37] Death. And what that means is not that you just fall over and die, but your heart dies. Your capacity to love dies. Your capacity to be loved dies.
[1:12:50] And you end up like a hit
[1:12:51] Band with ghosts following him around everywhere. Good women steer clear. So you are condemned to trawling along the underworld of broken women who aren't smart and who aren't good. And you have to lie to them to get them into bed with you. And then you dump them, which makes them bitter, right? Because they realize they've been used, right?
[1:13:21] Yes.
[1:13:22] Would you like it if a guy said to you, hey, man, give me $10,000, I'll invest it for you, and I'll give you $50,000 back at the end of the month. And you gave him the $10,000, and he just ghosted you. How would you feel?
[1:13:37] Ghost, angry.
[1:13:37] But that's what you're doing. Yeah. That's what you're doing.
[1:13:41] How do I get out of this, Stefan? What's the first step?
[1:13:44] Well, you have to stop lying. Because if you can't get a woman to sleep with you by telling her the truth, you're exploiting her. It's predatory, especially if you're smarter than these women.
[1:13:58] If you're smarter
[1:13:59] Than these women, like intelligent people, we have a moral obligation to the less intelligent.
[1:14:06] If you saw
[1:14:07] A child being beaten up by other children, would you intervene?
[1:14:12] Of course.
[1:14:13] Right. Because you're bigger and stronger. So you have an obligation, if reasonably safe, you have an obligation to intervene on the part of those who are, through no fault of their own, less able than you, right? The kit, right? So you can razzle and dazzle and out-talk these women because you're very intelligent. Does that make sense?
[1:14:35] It does.
[1:14:36] I'm sure you're very charming. I'm sure you're very funny. I'm sure you have charisma. equal if i have a black belt in karate and i go around picking fights without.
[1:14:50] Telling anyone that and then
[1:14:52] I beat the living shit out of them is that fair.
[1:14:54] It is not
[1:14:55] Why not you.
[1:14:58] You can kill them you you are i mean it's not the same as if
[1:15:03] Well i'm i'm there's a skill disparity that i'm not telling them about yeah especially if i'm a small guy who doesn't look particularly strong and then I do some.
[1:15:12] Monkey gets fruit
[1:15:13] And elbow them to the throat and break the, like, it's unfair. It's unfair because I'm hiding my skill level. Now, if, if, if I go up to some guy and, and start, you know, insulting him and he says, let's fight. And I say, okay, but I'm, you know, I'm an MMA champion.
[1:15:29] What's he going to say?
[1:15:31] What's he going to say?
[1:15:32] You got up there
[1:15:33] For a second.
[1:15:33] Sorry. So if I start, I start getting into a fight with some guy and he says, well, let's fight. and I say, well, I'm a mixed martial arts champion. What's he going to say?
[1:15:46] He might back off, you know.
[1:15:47] Well, he will back off, right? Yeah. And in the same way, if you say to women, I just want to use you for sex, but I'd never date you, would they sleep with you?
[1:15:57] No.
[1:15:58] Right.
[1:15:59] No, they would not. No.
[1:16:00] They would not. And so it's cheating. It's cheating to use your superior intelligence and verbal skills.
[1:16:07] To lie to
[1:16:08] Women, to get them to sleep with you, because women are turned on by intelligence because intelligence signals the ability to get good resources and you're professionally successful, right?
[1:16:18] Yes, yes.
[1:16:20] So you are, are you tall?
[1:16:24] No, 178.
[1:16:25] And what is that in like?
[1:16:27] I think it's like 5'11", the eternal manlet, 5'11", something like that. You're not a
[1:16:31] Manlet at 5'11". What are you talking about?
[1:16:33] That's the joke. I'm average height.
[1:16:36] No, no, 5'11 is above average. 5'9 or something like you're i mean i say this as a guy i'm a shade under six feet but uh 5'11 is above average okay so you're above average height great hair great physique good looking successful wealthy right so god gave you a lot of gifts right yes i'm not it's not i'm not saying it's all right but god gave you a lot of gifts right now why do you have those gifts why do men have often extra intelligence,
[1:17:10] the verbal skills, endurance, physical strength, ambition, testosterone. Why do we have these things?
[1:17:17] I think to give back, to protect, to build. Yeah, to protect who? You and your family. Your family, the family. That's right. You build your tribe. It's for your children. Yes.
[1:17:31] Why do you make more money than you need to live on? For your children and your wife.
[1:17:35] Right? Yes.
[1:17:36] Why do you have all this ambition, this testosterone, this work ethic, this dedication? Why do you care so much about getting ahead that you're in tears when you think it might not happen? Because you're here to provide access for your children, for your family, right? That's why God gives you these abilities.
[1:17:52] Yes.
[1:17:53] And what are you using,
[1:17:54] The abilities that God gave you for, to provide for children? What are you using them for? I'm not.
[1:18:02] When I'm doing these things to women, I'm not.
[1:18:04] Well, no, but you're using these gifts that are designed for your family to dazzle women and lie and cheat women into sleeping with you.
[1:18:14] Instead of getting a good woman
[1:18:16] And raising a family.
[1:18:19] Yeah.
[1:18:20] What do you think of feminism?
[1:18:22] What even is feminism these days? I don't know. I mean, I... What do you think of it? I mean, the general idea.
[1:18:28] There's a patriarchy that exploits women.
[1:18:31] I don't think they do.
[1:18:34] But you are that patriarchy that exploits women.
[1:18:38] I'm behaving in that way, yes. And if I am behaving that way,
[1:18:41] I am that. If you treat women this way, you're creating feminists by the boatload.
[1:18:48] Yes.
[1:18:49] Because men are cheats and liars who exploit women. There's a patriarchy. And women know that, I mean, deep down, if they're honest with themselves, they know that men tend to be more ambitious, tend to be a little bit more intelligent, tend to be physically, of course, much stronger, particularly you, if you work out, right? You probably have at least twice the strength of the average female, if not more, just the upper body strength. So women know all of this about men, that it's unequal, right?
[1:19:16] It's not equal.
[1:19:18] And so you have significant advantages over most women. And even if we say men and women are the same in terms of intelligence, the fact that you are, to the lower reaches of female intelligence to get your rocks off, to drain the vein, that is unequal, right? Of course, yeah.
[1:19:41] So you are being
[1:19:44] The patriarch that makes women feminists. Because what do women think of men after you pump and dump them?
[1:19:56] Oh, he's an asshole. Oh, he only used me. Oh, he didn't want to connect.
[1:20:03] Yeah, he lied to me. He lied to me. Yeah, because you would be a high-status boyfriend for a woman, right?
[1:20:11] Yeah, and that's part of the frustration that I felt with my ex. You know, like, oh my God, don't you know, can't you notice that I used to very selfishly think, like, don't you know that I can change your life? And I laugh because it's so, I view that thought as so immature now, because nevertheless, he didn't want me at the end. But that's the thing that I used, that's something I used to think, like, why are you breaking up with me? Don't you know that I can provide you with so much value?
[1:20:39] Well, but given the mindset that you have, can you understand why she might break up with you? Yeah. The lack of humility, right? Like, I have been given some pretty solid gifts as a person. I didn't earn them. And I have an obligation to society, to the world, because of the.
[1:21:02] Gifts that I've been given.
[1:21:03] You know, I mean, Robin Williams was given great gifts of comedy, and he used it to make the world laugh, right?
[1:21:09] Yeah. So you've been given great gifts, and the question is,
[1:21:13] What are they for? Are they so that you can lie to women and have mediocre sex? and then hurt them?
[1:21:21] They shouldn't be for that. No, they're not for that.
[1:21:25] Right.
[1:21:25] Stefan, I've been going to therapy for like two years and my therapist has never spoken to me the way you're speaking to me right now. Is she female? She's a woman, of course. And then you might ask, oh, don't your
[1:21:38] Friends or your parents?
[1:21:39] I don't tell these things to my friends or my parents because I might be so ashamed of this in a sense. Maybe. But thank you.
[1:21:49] Of course, as you know, I'm not a therapist, I'm a moralist. And I say this because you can handle it. I say this because I want you to be happy. I say this because I want you to have kids. And I say this because I want you to be loved. None of this is to put you down. I hope you understand. None of this is to put you down at all.
[1:22:09] No, no, I follow. And I thank you for it.
[1:22:11] But it's because you're operating far below what.
[1:22:14] You can do that is frustrating.
[1:22:18] Just so people understand who are listening, and I really appreciate this directness and honesty, it's courageous and noble in my view. So a lot of men fantasize about having sex with a lot of women. And what's it like when you have sex with these women that you're lying to? Is it as good as the sex that you had with the woman that you broke up with when you were 23?
[1:22:45] Of course not. Of course not. No. Okay.
[1:22:47] So is it bland, mediocre, average?
[1:22:51] It's fun, but you do feel depleted afterwards.
[1:22:54] And it does register in an emotional sense that, oh, man, I've thought.
[1:22:59] Like, I should have stayed home. That's a thought that always, most of the time, pops in my head afterwards. Like, oh, man, this wasn't worth it.
[1:23:07] And is this like post-nought clarity or some other thing?
[1:23:10] Post-nought. No, post-nought, of course, post-nought. So you have your
[1:23:13] Orgasm And you're lying with the girl And you're like oh Is it like how do I get out of the house How do I get.
[1:23:19] Out of the situation How do I get her out of the house Or let's just go to bed And tomorrow I'll
[1:23:27] I don't want to
[1:23:27] Conversate with them I don't want to spend time with them Outside of fucking
[1:23:31] Them Then why is that do you think Why do you not want to spend time with them.
[1:23:36] Because we're not connecting Like conversating Because I don't see a future with them So why would I spend more time with them outside of what I want to do at the moment, which is having sex with them?
[1:23:48] And is that because they just don't know things? They can't talk about things? They don't think about things or what?
[1:23:55] I mean, I like,
[1:23:59] I work in logistics.
[1:24:02] So they are either, if they're from my workplace, which is a barrier-backed practice to everybody. Oh, no.
[1:24:08] Don't do it. No. Don't do it. Don't tell me.
[1:24:11] Don't do it.
[1:24:12] Tell me I'm going to get subpoenaed. Oh, my God. No, no. You're doing this with women in the workplace?
[1:24:17] Only twice. Only twice. Only twice.
[1:24:20] Yeah, yeah. No, Russian roulette only twice is totally fine. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
[1:24:24] Yes. But they're either too technical or they are girls from the gym or like waitresses, people that are either super technical, that can only talk about the debut of the world in an over-systematic form, like 1, 2, 3, and can't think abstractedly, or they are just people who are only getting started on their development curiosity. Like students, people who are like 21, 22, and they don't have the emotional maturity to
[1:24:57] Handle a good six years on some of these women.
[1:24:59] Yeah. I think the youngest was like 19. Yeah. Yeah.
[1:25:08] In the old world, man, you'd already had the shit beaten up. Like, you'd be shit kicked all.
[1:25:15] Over the back. That's what my friend tells me. Like, the one friend I have in the city, he tells me, like, this is going to stop the moment somebody kicks the shit out of you. That's the only way. No, because, I mean,
[1:25:22] You're just going to hurt some girl. I mean, I hope you haven't got any STDs or spread anything.
[1:25:28] No, no, no. Thank God, no. Thank God, no.
[1:25:29] Yeah, but, you know, I can also appeal to your practical side. You're going to get fired. If you keep this up, you are going to catch an STD. You're going to get an unwanted pregnancy or.
[1:25:44] You're going to get a psycho.
[1:25:46] Right. There'll be some woman boiling your bunnies saying, I'm not just going to be ignored. You better return my calls. I'm going to tell your boss.
[1:25:58] You don't want to know. I haven't told you. Like, my ex,
[1:26:02] The girl that.
[1:26:03] I was telling you about, the girl whose mother died,
[1:26:10] She was the.
[1:26:13] How do you say, when somebody is the brother of somebody that you're married with? How do you say that in English? The brother-in-law, yeah. She was the sister-in-law of the director of the plant I work at. And he found out And like for a year He was like, oh my god He was so pissed He was so pissed It hurt me In the job On
[1:26:38] The job Well, you're in Europe, right?
[1:26:40] No, I am not Okay,
[1:26:43] Don't worry That doesn't help Because a lot of places in Europe It's almost impossible to fire people So maybe that's why you kept your job But okay All right And the rest of us have to live in a world Where you're pumping and dumping And making women bitter and mistrustful and less able to pair bond. but they're going to end up choosing badly. Maybe they become single mothers and then we have to live with all the crime. I mean, what we do has ripples, right?
[1:27:09] Yeah.
[1:27:10] You get in your rocks office
[1:27:11] Making women bitter, prone to feminism, prone to a lack of pair bonding. Now, if you were one of these women, I would be talking to you.
[1:27:19] Right?
[1:27:20] But I'm not talking to them, I am talking to you. So I have to put 100% of it on you. If I was talking to them, I'd put 100% of it on them, but I'm putting it on you, especially because you're older and smarter and wealthier so you have like there's a reason why the boss can't date the secretary who works for him right yeah because he's got too much power and, she can't say no and if you have charisma and looks and height and money and experience doing these kinds of things then it's unequal i'm like i'm sure you've heard of this practice where let's say.
[1:27:55] You go to a bar
[1:27:57] And you pretend to be bad at playing pool, right? And then people, they want to bet you. And then you let them win a couple. And then you say, oh, let's just have a big bet 10 times, right? And then you play beautifully, right? I mean, that stuff can get you beaten up over, right? Because you're hiding your skill level. And less intelligent people can't understand how smart you are. They can't. It's unfair. It's like me pretending I can't play chess when I have 10 years experience in chess.
[1:28:29] Manipulate them.
[1:28:30] You can. You're verbal. You're smart. You can manipulate them. You can get them to sleep with you. Whoop-de-doo. That's like me beating a girl guide in an arm wrestling contest. Is that particularly noble? Hey, you can get dumb women to sleep with you. Good job. What a challenge. You're tall, good-looking, and wealthy, and smart and charismatic.
[1:28:53] Look at this.
[1:28:54] I could get women to sleep with me well yeah okay great sure absolutely you're like you're like paul mccartney in his prime saying you know i can get women to sleep with me it's like yeah okay we get it you're a singer and you're kind of cute and very talented good.
[1:29:09] For you but
[1:29:11] It's not really a challenge right you're right i mean you're like uh you're like uh christian ronaldo playing a local pickup game look at that i scored 22 times it's like yeah but you're in some local pickup gained a 12 year old anyway.
[1:29:26] You know what i mean right and then
[1:29:28] Cristiano gets angry because oh they are not testing my skills enough that that's the incongruency of what i'm telling you
[1:29:34] That's yeah and let's say it's adults.
[1:29:36] Right and he's
[1:29:37] He's not even telling them he's christian renouncing how.
[1:29:42] Can one uh like me in this situation or people who are listening that might be in on similar spaces that because they're lonely, they betray themselves.
[1:29:53] No, you don't do this because you're lonely. You're lonely because you do this.
[1:29:57] Oh, man. Okay.
[1:29:58] No, no, that's it. Because you had a woman you wanted to go back to, the 15 to 23-year-old girl. You had it. Were you lonely with her?
[1:30:08] No. No. No.
[1:30:10] So the devil said,
[1:30:12] Oh, no, man, come over here, man. There's lots of hot sex here. Man, come over here. Why do you just want to? You just want to sleep with one girl for the, oh, come on, man. Think of all the great sex. Oh, it's going to be fantastic. Right? He just lures you away from the woman you left. And listen, I've not dated one woman over the course of my life, so I say this with humility, and this is the shit I wish someone had told me in my 20s. Honestly, I say this with all humility. I hope you don't think that there's anything that's put down in anything that I'm saying here. But you got lured away from a good thing with.
[1:30:46] The promise of a better thing, and you got nothing, right? Right?
[1:30:51] You had a woman you were pair bonded with.
[1:30:54] You were compatible with,
[1:30:56] You loved her, she loved you, she wanted to move to the city to be with you, to the new city. You had it all set. You were made.
[1:31:04] And then you got greedy and you
[1:31:05] Got envious and you got jealous and you fell prey to sin. Now, you were 23 years old. You're not a kid, but you still haven't even hit.
[1:31:14] Full brain maturity yet. So this was up
[1:31:17] To the elders in your family. You say, oh, I got a good family. Then why are you doing this shit if you have a good family?
[1:31:24] It makes no sense.
[1:31:26] You don't have a great family because if I had a son at 23, he's got a great woman who loves him. First of all, I would never let him date a woman for eight years without proposing, but whatever, right? And he's like, well, dad, I've got this great woman who loves me. I love her. We're totally compatible. We've been together eight years, but I really want to go and have sex with a bunch of strangers. no, you don't. You may think you do.
[1:31:52] But you don't.
[1:31:54] This is like a kid saying, well, I've had a really good healthy meal. Now I just want to have 18 candy bars. I'm like, you kind of don't because you just throw up. You think you do, but you don't. Because it was a mistake to leave.
[1:32:09] The good woman you were with
[1:32:10] Since you were 15 for this stuff, right?
[1:32:13] Yes.
[1:32:13] So how did your family let you get lured away from the good to this unholy.
[1:32:22] Mess i didn't tell them i just acted
[1:32:24] It's their job to know why why because they're your parents they're your elders and young men like you like me when i was young are idiots with regards to this stuff, r versus k selection all the stuff i've talked about before so it's up to your elders first of to not let you date for eight years without at least an engagement, number one. And number two, if you want to break up your relationship with eight years, did your parents say, why are you breaking up with her?
[1:32:56] I mean, they saw the quote-unquote problems that we had, but they didn't know that the full extent of those problems were originated by me wanting to steer away from her. Okay.
[1:33:11] So did they keep asking you until they got to the truth?
[1:33:14] They did not. They, I mean, my dad says, there needs to come a point where I can begin trusting you and you moving away from here. I mean, you're going to be on your own, essentially. I'm going to be here, but there are going to be consequences. So I think he...
[1:33:29] No, but hang on. But he shouldn't have trusted you because you lied.
[1:33:34] He didn't know. He doesn't know I lied. He doesn't know I omitted.
[1:33:37] But he should know whether he can trust you or not. And in sexual matters, young men are unwise.
[1:33:46] We don't talk about sex. My dad and I,
[1:33:48] My mom and I, we don't.
[1:33:50] But that's also a fault. Yes. And obviously, if you married the woman, you shouldn't talk to your parents about your sex life. But you have to talk about lust. Your parents are good Catholics, right?
[1:34:03] My mom more than my dad, but yes.
[1:34:05] Okay. So your mom's a good Catholic. Is lust one of the seven deadly sins?
[1:34:10] It is.
[1:34:11] Is it the one that young men tend to be the most susceptible to?
[1:34:17] One that brings like the most shame and also one that because of that shame you young men hide the most i think well i don't know young men but me no no young men young men
[1:34:28] Are the most prey to the sin of lust particularly tall good-looking young men who are very intelligent there they are because the world is at your feet in a way right it's very hard seven is very hard i'm.
[1:34:41] Sorry it's very hard it's very like nobody um i
[1:34:46] Think you're talking about your penis here which is probably oh.
[1:34:48] My god no no i'm kidding no it's hard because
[1:34:51] If you're tall good looking and and intelligent and wealthy then uh you're gonna women are gonna want to be with you right so it's a conveyor belt of potential harem so is it good parenting for your parents to not talk about to not talk about, the sin you are most susceptible to with you?
[1:35:13] They don't know, man.
[1:35:14] They don't know. No, no. You said? It is not. Hang on. You said your parents don't talk to you about sex, right?
[1:35:20] We never did, no.
[1:35:22] Right. So sex is what trips men up. Sex and money. Now, with women too, but we're just talking about you as the son. So is it good parenting to not arm your son against the sin most likely to destroy him?
[1:35:42] It is not good parenting,
[1:35:43] No It is not good parenting So you tell me you've got a good family, but you're isolated Because you can lie to your parents and they're like, okay Now, you're not a parent yet, I hope you become one Thank you But if you're a parent, you know when your kids are lying, You've seen them from the freaking ultrasound onwards. You've interacted with them 10,000 times. You know when they're lying. It's as obvious when you're a parent, it's as obvious when your kid is lying as when they have chocolate all over their face and they say, I didn't have any chocolate. It's that obvious.
[1:36:15] Now, you do
[1:36:16] Have to give your
[1:36:17] Kids some space and you can't police them forever. And I get all of that, right? But you fell prey to the sin of lust, as almost all untutored young men do. The devil gets you, what? Do you think that your enemy attacks you where you're most protected?
[1:36:36] No.
[1:36:37] Where does your enemy attack you?
[1:36:39] Where you're the weakest.
[1:36:41] Where you're the least protected. Yes. So your parents left you wide open. Wide open for the devil to get his hooks into your soul through lust. because they did not protect you. What about your priest? grandfather grandmother aunts cousins anyone anyone anyone sit down.
[1:37:03] And say listen bro i
[1:37:06] Have a kid you're a good looking kid you're smart you're funny charismatic so you got to watch out for this this and this anyone did anyone help you to productively manage the gifts you were given no.
[1:37:20] Stefan but i i think and i don't want to go i don't want us to dive off the tangent here but i don't i don't know what family or maybe because i wasn't in on that time i have a huge family i have like i'm the eldest
[1:37:35] Even worse i i'm.
[1:37:37] The eldest of like 27 first cousins i
[1:37:40] Have like nine uncles okay so you've got dozens of older males and females it's not like only men can talk about this, but.
[1:37:50] You have dozens of older relatives
[1:37:52] Who handed you over to the devil.
[1:37:55] But isn't that like where does personal responsibility begin then? I mean, you're talking about gifts. I think self-knowledge can be a gift and not lying to yourself and knowing that you have a problem, that should be enough because admitting that you have an issue like I am doing here with you,
[1:38:19] That's a huge step. Any one of your relatives could have had this conversation with you and should have had this conversation with you from your mid-teens onwards.
[1:38:30] They could have. They could have. They should have. They should have. Yes.
[1:38:34] Right.
[1:38:35] So if you are in a family structure, all failure is collective relationship.
[1:38:43] Boss and you have an employee who fucks up and
[1:38:47] Continues to fuck up for months or years, is it the employee's fault alone?
[1:38:54] No.
[1:38:55] Right. Because the boss never warned him and the boss isn't following up. So you have a lot of elders in your vicinity who have failed you and have turned you over to the default setting of young men, which is sexual hedonism. And the lesson here, I think, is that when you become a father and you have children, that you talk to them about this stuff so the devil can't get his hooks in. You are an unmarried, good-looking, tall, wealthy, intelligent, charismatic young man of 27. What do your parents think you're doing?
[1:39:32] The picture of that. As in a picture, if it doesn't move, it looks perfect. If I start moving They might see the cracks So they see the job They see the apartment They know that I am lonely But they think Oh, he's going to eventually find a good girl Or he's going to come back to the city I don't know why they keep thinking that Okay, so they're not
[1:39:53] Asking They're not asking What's going on with your dating Or your romantic life No.
[1:39:59] They don't They don't And
[1:40:01] That is a sin And this is So you feel lonely in your family Because nobody's asking you listen, bro, I don't even know you. And we've been talking about this for two hours. What's wrong? I mean, is this not a good conversation? It's not a healthy conversation?
[1:40:16] Oh, it's a great conversation. Thank you.
[1:40:17] Right. So, and it's my pleasure. And I appreciate your honesty and openness in these areas. But you're lonely because you don't have these conversations in your family. What do you all talk about? I mean, what do you all talk about?
[1:40:31] About their problems,
[1:40:32] About what they're doing, about how I can help them. But I think it might I don't want them to To know that their son has become this You know, because They did everything No, no, but you've become this because
[1:40:47] You've become this because you're isolated Because at the beginning you said Geez, you know, I can't get a community Or what do you do when you feel isolated But I have a good family And so, of course, I knew that it wasn't a good family And I'm not trying to sort of say every family, right? I mean, I have a good family and so on, right? but your cause and effect is backwards. You are isolated in your family because you have dozens of people around you and you're keeping all these secrets and nobody's asking you and nobody seems to notice and nobody seems to care.
[1:41:19] So... you're lonely in the family.
[1:41:23] And I'm guessing, because you said your parents never talked to you about romantic or sexual matters, I'm guessing that you've been lonely in the family since you were a kid. And that's why you haven't reached out to like-minded people philosophically, because you're used to being isolated. And if you do reach out to like-minded people philosophically and they ask you genuine, deep, and important questions about your life.
[1:41:47] Rather than sports
[1:41:48] Ball the weather and your parents' bad backs, it's going to highlight and show up the deficiencies in your family structure, which is a lot of families get together and talk about nothing, nothing of import, nothing of curiosity, nothing of depths, nothing of morals, nothing of spirituality, nothing of virtue.
[1:42:08] Nothing of temptation, nothing
[1:42:10] Of good and evil. And it's that level of isolation, that's why you're hungry for these kinds of conversations, which I appreciate, but you're already isolated. And that isolation is causing you to pursue these fleeting connections.
[1:42:28] Now, what did your
[1:42:29] Girlfriend from 15 to 23, what does she think of your family?
[1:42:34] I mean she thinks i mean the like the image imagine the the family in a coca-cola ad that's how my family looks right and they pass the coke that's i mean the beer commercial
[1:42:47] The yeah yeah okay yeah that.
[1:42:49] That and that's how they treat her you know the very receptive of her family vacations since we were 16 all the way from us being 23 so
[1:42:58] They're very they were very
[1:42:59] Nice to her. And my mom was always like, if you were to marry her, I would like that. If you were, right. Not very, um, not within a timeframe, just think, treating it as a nice thought. And my dad as well. I, I cheated on her when I was like 17 and my dad helped me like write the letter, like the, um, the apology letter. No, you're going to buy her these flowers so she can accept you back. I mean, they, they, they, they thought of her in a good late.
[1:43:28] Hmm.
[1:43:30] And what does she think of this? She, she fell for the propaganda, right?
[1:43:33] Yeah.
[1:43:37] She was a young girl, and your family, I'm sure, is very impressive. So I'm not going to try and fault her for that. So what do you need to do? What do you need to do?
[1:43:50] I mean, that's what I'm trying to get at here. I mean, what would be the first step? I mean, finding those genuine connections so I can steer away. No, no, first of all,
[1:43:58] No, hang on. You can't eat good food while you're still eating bad food.
[1:44:02] Right?
[1:44:04] If you fill up on junk food, you can't eat good food because you're already full, right?
[1:44:10] So you have to stop this
[1:44:11] Sleeping around stuff. I mean, you just have to grit your teeth and stop. And you need to sort of sit down and list out what you're looking for in a life partner. And you have to figure out what you have to offer that life partner. Right? So you know what you're looking for, and that's great. But what is a good woman looking for? What is a good, virtuous, intelligent woman who can see through your bullshit as we want people to see through all of our bullshit? Because I have it too, right? I'm, again, not trying to be superior here. So what is a very high quality, moral, virtuous woman?
[1:44:52] What's she looking for?
[1:44:53] What does she want?
[1:44:55] Stability, safety, fun, in that order. And all that entails financial stability, physical stability, that you're not going to go crazy. quit your job and start making Play-Doh figurines and selling them on eBay,
[1:45:18] They're going to be... Or quit your corporate career, entrepreneurial job to go start a podcast. Maybe. It'd be crazy. All right. Well, that's almost all wrong. I've just, you know, I've been talking for a while. I'm sorry to be an annoying, naggy guy. I really... But that's almost all wrong. Damn. It's a virtue.
[1:45:36] You think so?
[1:45:37] You think so?
[1:45:37] I know. I said she was a virtue.
[1:45:39] Because I love writing, and I've convinced myself that I can't pursue that as a career because of the stability my current job brings. And your example is so noteworthy because I
[1:45:57] Hadn't thought of.
[1:45:57] That. It'd be great to have somebody to... Sorry, you haven't thought of what? Of looking for somebody who would support me in a scenario similar to yours. So like me telling her that, hey, I want to quit my my logistics job. So I'm going to start writing. I wouldn't expect that from a female. My wife didn't
[1:46:17] Say it's good. It's fine. She said, you have to.
[1:46:22] Wow.
[1:46:23] She said, I've never met anyone who can do what you do.
[1:46:27] You have to.
[1:46:29] So how do I
[1:46:30] Even start if I don't know? I'm looking for the wrong things then, Stefan. How do I even start? How do I realign myself?
[1:46:37] I did not ask what you're looking for, I asked what the moral woman is looking for. She's looking for virtue.
[1:46:42] Virtue.
[1:46:43] That's why the moral women are turning away from you at the moment, because you're in a state of hedonism and, frankly, self-soul destruction. destruction of the society that you're living in? I am not going to tell you because.
[1:46:57] I don't want to take more hours out of everybody's time, but the destruction goes even further, Stefan. It's ugly, man. It's ugly. It's very bad.
[1:47:04] But yes, you're right. If you're comfortable or you think it would be, I think it would be helpful for people to know, but what's the other destruction that you're taking?
[1:47:11] It'd be more like I broke up with the girl from back home because I started, I was the lover of a married woman, Stefan. Imagine that. Imagine how stupid that was. I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, but I liked the rush and the loss so much that I even broke up with the girl back home. I've hired escorts. Yeah, those are the two things I hadn't told you, but those are the two very, very dangerous things that, I mean, we don't add more to the point, but it's just more of how dangerous you can really be to letting yourself go and doing these hedonistic things. Because you might not know, like to the people listening, you might. I was doing those things and I was thinking, man, a year ago, a month ago, I wouldn't have imagined me doing these kinds of things. But you are, you become that person and it can be very dangerous. It can be very dangerous.
[1:48:12] So the married woman that you slept with, did she have children?
[1:48:15] No, she did not.
[1:48:17] Was she much older?
[1:48:18] Uh, like 18 years old,
[1:48:20] No, I was like 14 years older.
[1:48:22] Okay. So you were 23 and she was 37? Something like that. Yeah. And could she.
[1:48:29] Children?
[1:48:29] Is that why she didn't have children?
[1:48:30] No, she didn't want to.
[1:48:32] Well, that's what she told me. She didn't want to have children.
[1:48:34] Yeah, that's what she told me, that she didn't want to have children. And I assume that the husband didn't know. Of course not. I'm talking with you.
[1:48:42] No, no, that could be open marriages. I don't know, right?
[1:48:44] Yeah.
[1:48:45] Okay.
[1:48:46] And tell me about the hiring of the prostitutes. Let's not use the whole pronouns, right? The escort thing, it's just prostitutes, right? Yeah, the prostitutes. How many times have you hired a prostitute?
[1:48:57] Like five, Like five times.
[1:48:59] Okay. Yeah. And is that for the evening or is that for the hour or what?
[1:49:03] For the hour. For the hour.
[1:49:05] And how much does that cost?
[1:49:08] Like around, let me do the conversion to the dollar here. Let's say around 150 bucks an hour.
[1:49:21] Okay. Do you think That
[1:49:24] A quality woman.
[1:49:26] Oh my god Oral woman
[1:49:28] Wants to be with a guy Who slept with a married woman And has hired prostitutes Oh my god Of course not Of course not How old were you When you hired your first prostitute.
[1:49:38] Like 25 Something
[1:49:40] Like that And why did you hire a.
[1:49:42] Prostitute I was Don't
[1:49:43] Even tell me It's because you were lonely Because that's not Yeah Why.
[1:49:46] Did you hire a prostitute I wanted to I wanted to have sex I wanted to have sex Basically,
[1:49:52] I didn't go through the effort of a one night stand or something of talking.
[1:49:57] I didn't feel like talking with somebody, inviting them for nothing. I just wanted to get to the point. My my reasoning then was it's a Thursday. I need to work tomorrow. It's 8 p.m. and I want to have sex. I don't have the time for this, but I do have the money. So I'm just going to fucking do it.
[1:50:13] OK.
[1:50:16] Experience i guess it was good enough that you did it four more times right.
[1:50:19] Uh i felt bad afterwards but again you're saying it was good enough for me to do it four more times i mean i felt bad afterwards but i did it again you
[1:50:28] Mean after you had your orgasm that's right yeah okay so and what did you feel bad about how.
[1:50:34] What happened to me like i i'm supposed to be a good son i'm supposed to be a like people report to me at work what like what's going on why am i doing these things you know? Like, this is not the person that people think I am. This is not the person I thought I was. There was a dissonance.
[1:50:51] And did you have any premature sexual exposure or experiences when you were a child?
[1:50:55] No.
[1:50:56] So you didn't? How old were you when you saw pornography?
[1:51:00] Like 12, 12, 13.
[1:51:03] Okay. And your parents did not talk to you about the dangers of pornography?
[1:51:06] Never, no.
[1:51:07] But they knew about it. I mean, obviously, your parent, everybody knows, right? Yeah.
[1:51:11] And how did you get your exposure to pornography?
[1:51:14] I saw it. I was using my uncle's computer for something. I needed my uncle's computer for homework, and it just happened to be in the browser, sir.
[1:51:24] Okay.
[1:51:25] And your uncle is married?
[1:51:26] Yes. Well, no, they divorced, actually. They're no longer married.
[1:51:30] Well, no, but back then.
[1:51:32] Yeah, back then they were, yes.
[1:51:34] Okay.
[1:51:35] And?
[1:51:36] When did.
[1:51:36] You become a regular
[1:51:37] Viewer of pornography?
[1:51:41] 16, 17. There was a period where I did it like I saw pornography daily. Not so much anymore. Not so much anymore.
[1:51:47] I'm sorry. So from 12 to 16.
[1:51:49] No, basically no. No.
[1:51:52] Sorry, I don't know what no refers to there.
[1:51:54] No, I didn't. I wasn't a user of pornography. And I have a user of pornography. No.
[1:52:00] And has that, you said that there have been times when you haven't, and there have been times when you have viewed it daily. Is that right? Yes.
[1:52:06] I mean, it happened to like from high school to college since 16 to maybe 20. I saw it one day. Yes. The other day, no.
[1:52:16] Like every other day. Going out with your girlfriend. Yeah. With my ex. Yes. Okay. And what's your consumption been like since then?
[1:52:25] I mean, right now it's none because I'm sleeping with so many women. But if I'm not having sex with women, then it goes back, basically.
[1:52:37] And when was the last time you were in
[1:52:39] Contact with your 15 to 23 girlfriend? You're not going to like this answer, Stefan.
[1:52:44] Like a month ago?
[1:52:46] Sorry, why wouldn't I like the answer?
[1:52:48] I mean, I tried. I essentially, I tried to, I offered. And this is because of the loneliness, I think. It wasn't coming from a good, loving place. I went back to the city in Abyss and I told her, hey, let's try it again. I am in a good financial position. We can try it from here to December. We can try it. And if we can find ourselves again, then you can move with me.
[1:53:16] But it wasn't genuine.
[1:53:18] And she, of course, told me, no, she's in a relationship now. What do you mean it wasn't genuine? Because I don't love her. Because it's ultimately because I am lonely, I think. Because I don't love her anymore. I mean, we've grown apart. We've grown apart.
[1:53:32] Sorry, do you not love her because she's become a bad person?
[1:53:37] No.
[1:53:40] You've become a bad person?
[1:53:42] Maybe. And because I don't...
[1:53:44] I mean, why don't...
[1:53:45] I don't... We've grown apart. I mean, since we broke up three years ago, I mean, we haven't had a chance to reconnect. We haven't had a chance to have good memories, to create good memories. I mean, it's so... It ended so abruptly and so ugly.
[1:54:00] Well, not it ended, but you broke her heart. I broke her heart, yes. Okay. And did she want to get back together with you? No, she did not. And did she say why?
[1:54:11] I mean, she's in a relationship now. And she said, hang on,
[1:54:15] Hang on, hang on. So she's in a relationship and you tried to get her to be your girlfriend again.
[1:54:20] I didn't know that when I went to her house. I didn't know that.
[1:54:24] Well, no, but I mean, you said, like you started talking about this stuff and she said, no, I have a boyfriend.
[1:54:31] Basically, I have a boyfriend. I don't know you. It's been so long. This is so abrupt. No.
[1:54:37] So then you stopped. try to get it to go out. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
[1:54:41] Got it.
[1:54:42] Okay. So what kind of woman do you think you can get with the history that you have? If they don't know anything? No, because you know it. And if you try and fool another woman or you try and lie to another woman, you'll still know it. What kind of woman do you think you can get with the history that you now have.
[1:55:04] Not the woman I want, but Stefan, I want to ask you something. Is it lying if I impose a better version of myself and begin a relationship with good intentions and
[1:55:16] Eventually tell her, hey, this happened years ago.
[1:55:21] This was me years ago. Is that lying? Is that misleading? Like, how would you, if somebody did that to your daughter, how would you treat that? Because that's my option right now, Stefan. The person I am now is not worthy of a woman who is looking for virtue. The only option I have now is to essentially lie and impose the better version of myself.
[1:55:45] Let me ask you this. Would you want to be with a woman who had been fucked by male prostitutes?
[1:55:54] Of course not. Of course not.
[1:55:56] Okay.
[1:55:57] So you're going to have to adjust your expectations.
[1:56:00] That's
[1:56:02] Because that's my life. I mean, that's the biggest decision you're going to make.
[1:56:05] Hang on. But when, and this is where I'm sad that you didn't get male feedback or elder could be female, right? Elder feedback.
[1:56:13] Is that if you choose
[1:56:16] To go and have sex with a prostitute, particularly multiple times, you are now changing your choice of your future partner.
[1:56:23] Why would they need to know, Stefan?
[1:56:25] I mean, that's... No, because you're surrounded by people in your family who don't ask questions. A quality woman will ask questions and she'll know if you're lying because you're used to people who don't ask, right? They just let you go and do whatever the hell you want. But if you want a quality woman, she'll know when something's wrong. She'll know when you're not being upfront with her. I mean, listen, do you want a mother for your children that has no clue if your children are lying, their asses off to her?
[1:57:00] No, I don't.
[1:57:01] No, because it's really tough to be a good parent if you don't know when your kids are lying.
[1:57:05] Right?
[1:57:06] Such as your parents,
[1:57:07] Who are in part responsible for you ending up in this place. So you want a perceptive woman, right?
[1:57:15] Yes.
[1:57:15] You want a moral and perceptive woman who asks you a lot of questions because you're going to be asking her questions. Because if you don't ask her questions, she won't respect you. So a moral quality woman is going to find this out. She's going to know. Or she's going to know there's something wrong. She may not know exactly what it is. So, the only way that you get a quality woman is you have to find some way to be at peace with what you did and to know why it happened.
[1:57:42] Don't know why it happened. I don't know why you were willing to pay a woman to have sex with you five times.
[1:57:51] I don't know why. And we don't have to talk about this now. This might be something to talk about with a therapist, but you need to have an answer. Because it's not so much what you did, it's whether you know exactly why you did it that matters to quality people. So I'll give you an example so if you were starting you worked in logistics right you work in logistics so if you were starting a logistics company and you you you started it and you grew it and then it totally fails right it just it couldn't be worse right now if you decide to start another company is it a problem that you had a company that failed if you want when you want to get investment right you go to investors you say i want to start at my second logistics company they say oh second gee what happened to the first, right? Now, does it matter to the investors fundamentally that you had a business that failed? Yes, it does. It does not. I've literally been on that side of the table. It does not matter that you had a business that failed. What's the only thing that matters?
[1:58:55] Did you learn why it failed?
[1:58:56] Yeah, that you know why it failed. If you know why it failed, it's not actually a failure. It's a grounding for success. So most businesses fail because of cash flow. Cash flow is king, right? And so if you said, well, the business failed because I didn't secure enough funding to cover payroll when I had 30, 60, 90-day payables from big corporations. That's why the business failed. And I will never do that again. Is that a problem for the investors?
[1:59:23] If you can prove that you're not going to, if you can back up that it's not going to happen again,
[1:59:28] Then I wouldn't imagine. Well, I mean, you can't. But if you say, I've analyzed it, I know exactly why the business failed, and I'm not going to, again. And here's all the other things I learned. And, you know, so I'm ready to succeed this time. I got my ass handed to me last time because I made some mistakes. I've learned from them. And I know exactly why my last business failed. No competent investor will look at you if you had a business that fails, but you learned the lesson when they will not hold it against you. In fact, it might even be a plus. Do you see what I mean?
[1:59:58] Yes. Yes, I'm following. Right.
[2:00:01] So the fact that you made bad decisions in the past is not the reason you can't get a quality woman, but you need to really know why it happened and why it's never going to happen again. Now, I don't know the why, and that's something to think about and mull about and talk about, maybe with your family, maybe with a therapist, with friends, whoever, right? But you need to figure out why you're making these very bad decisions. Why did you sleep with a married woman? Why did you hire prostitutes? Why are you using women and lying to them? Because you're corrupting yourself. You know that, right?
[2:00:41] Yes.
[2:00:42] And every bad decision makes the next bad decision easier and the next good decision harder, right?
[2:00:48] Correct.
[2:00:49] I don't know if you've ever had someone who's quitting smoking or something like that, and maybe they've quit for a week or two and then they're like oh i want a cigarette and you're like no you'll just reset the whole progress you're just making it so much harder right don't just get through the next five minutes right so you have been making it sounds like romantically and sexually bad decisions since.
[2:01:10] The age of
[2:01:10] 23 now it's only a couple of years it's not the end of the world right but you need to stop making those bad decisions and you need to dig deep into your heart, mind, and soul, maybe prayer would help talk to a priest and confess and just figure out why, right? It's not what you do that dooms you. It's what you fail to learn from what you've done that dooms you. Does that make sense?
[2:01:33] It does.
[2:01:34] All right. Well, and you're, of course, welcome to, we can do a private call if you want or something like that, if you want to sort of dig further into that. But if you want to go to freedomain.com slash call, this is true for everyone you can book calls. I think we're booking now into November, but if it's an emergency, we can talk outside of regular hours. So, bro, how was the conversation for you? Again, the last thing I want you to do is come out of this and feel in any way humiliated. I'm fighting like a dervish for the best within you, of which there is considerable good. And how was the conversation for you?
[2:02:06] No, it was great. Not only getting to talk with you, which I've seen your content since since I was a teenager, but the level of the emotional and clarity that you have is the only way that blunt words can come
[2:02:25] True as effectively.
[2:02:27] So thank you. I think this is, as you said, this might be one of the easiest foils young men, a man with great hair, as myself, can fall into.
[2:02:40] And it is something that you should look out for. I don't know the stories of the people that are listening hear this and let this be a cautionary tale. I mean, look inside you and know that a lot of things that you are seeing and a lot of things that you are doing are not normal and have courage within yourself. You don't need to do it in a public forum, but have that courage within yourself to ask yourself why we are doing these things. So I think how common this might be can be the takeaway and it's not failing, it's learning why we continue to fail and learning from that can help us. So thank you, Stefan, for your time. I really enjoyed this. You're welcome.
[2:03:27] And we just have to ask HoMath how common this kind of stuff is. The top 10% of guys taking a lot of the girls. All right. Let's do another quick call. Appreciate your time. Big hug to you, my friend, Joseph. Joseph. I'm just looking at a picture of Dick Aletti. Yeah, I'd hit that. All right.
[2:03:44] Well, thanks everyone.
[2:03:44] On, freedomain.com slash donate. Come on, guys. You know, you know, you know there's no conversations like this anywhere else in the world. This combination of self-knowledge and philosophy and morality and encouragement and illumination. I hugely am deeply grateful to the callers for opening their hearts to the world. I am grateful for you, for your support of these amazing conversations, freedomain.com slash donate. You can subscribe at fdrlocals.com, sorry at fdrpodcast.com slash locals or fdr i'm sorry i've got this completely wrong, fdrurl.com slash locals or fdrurl.com slash x or subscribestar.com slash free domain your support is gratefully humbly and deeply appreciated lots of love my friends we will talk to you soon bye.
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