In this October 10, 2025 episode of Friday Night Live, Stefan Molyneux engages in a lively conversation with callers touching on personal dilemmas, philosophical explorations, and social critiques.
The first caller presents a deeply personal situation, revealing a complex family dynamic involving a long-term relationship and questions regarding paternity after years of struggling with the implications of a vasectomy. Stefan dives into the ethical ramifications of trust and accountability in relationships, challenging the caller's concerns and examining the emotional landscape of such a serious conversation. He posits that asking for a paternity test, given the circumstances, is a rational decision that isn’t necessarily rooted in distrust but rather in seeking clarity amidst uncertainty.
The dialogue then shifts to larger societal concerns as Stefan reacts to a controversial decision made by the Church of England, which involved adorning the historic Canterbury Cathedral with graffiti meant to represent marginalized voices. Stefan's disdain for this act is palpable; he argues it represents a neglect of serious ongoing issues, such as the atrocities committed against young girls in Rotherham, while simultaneously ridiculing the notion of using graffiti as a medium for cultural expression in a sacred space. He expresses a strong aversion to graffiti, equating it to vandalism and questioning its worth as an artistic endeavor.
As the episode continues, a caller introduces the weighty topic of suicide rights. Stefan articulates a nuanced perspective, acknowledging the autonomy individuals have over their own lives while expressing a stark moral objection to suicide, particularly in cases where loved ones are left behind. He openly shares his disdain for individuals who choose to end their lives in ways that inflict trauma on their families, reaffirming the importance of considering the broader consequences of such deeply personal decisions.
The conversation flows seamlessly as the next caller navigates the complexities of consent in morally ambiguous scenarios, particularly relating to a notorious incident involving gun violence. Stefan encourages the caller to delve deeper into his own life experiences, drawing parallel threads between personal anecdote and philosophical inquiry. This line of questioning fosters an environment ripe for self-exploration as they discuss the moral implications of their actions and desires, exemplifying the intersection of personal philosophy and real-world dilemmas.
Later in the episode, a returning caller, an aspiring music producer, shares his journey in emotional intelligence coaching after transitioning from Hollywood. The caller harbors doubts about the longevity and efficacy of his programs, pondering whether he is providing genuine value or perpetuating dependency among participants. Stefan probes the caller about the definitions of success and impact, prompting a conversation on societal norms and the deeper motivations that underlie individual aspirations. With a backdrop of humor and camaraderie, the two explore the necessity of authentic connections and the role of community support in fostering growth.
Stefan boldly shares his own experiences with public philosophy and the transformation of his social circle. He discusses how breaking away from limiting relationships can lead to personal evolution, drawing parallels to the coaching journey the caller is navigating. By advocating for a practical application of philosophy in everyday life, Stefan emphasizes the importance of continuous self-reflection and commitment to improvement.
As the show winds down, Stefan expresses gratitude for the rich tapestry of conversations shared throughout the episode. With a focus on encouraging autonomy and personal responsibility, he leaves listeners with his signature call to introspection, reminding them of the value of philosophy in crafting meaningful lives. The episode encapsulates a spectrum of human experiences, from intimate personal struggles to broader societal critiques, all anchored by Stefan's unyielding quest for truth and understanding.
Listeners are left with a profound sense of inquiry and a reminder of the necessity to challenge the status quo, both in their own lives and within the society at large.
0:11 - Opening Thoughts
10:49 - Personal Struggles and Reflections
14:01 - The Nature of Intensity
15:58 - Emotional Connections and Past Experiences
28:09 - Social Dynamics and Relationships
37:24 - Coaching and Personal Development
46:18 - Philosophy and Life Changes
56:55 - Closing Remarks and Future Plans
[0:00] So, if you have questions, comments, issues, and challenges, Drago, we've chatted for a little bit before, so I'm going to see if anybody else has stuff they wish to wish to talk about.
[0:12] And I will vamp for a moment or two. What have I got saved for interesting stuff later? My wife and I have been together 15 years. We have a 14-year-old, not biologically mine, and a 12-year-old, which is mine. That math is troubling to me. Guy says, I got a vasectomy five years ago. All that got the all clear that I was sterile. We've been having unprotected sex ever since. Recently, we were having a discussion, and she asked, What would you do if I told you I was pregnant? I said I would ask for a paternity test, and she was shocked, and she said she was hurt that I wouldn't trust her. I explained that I'm sterile, and if I go and get checked and I'm still sterile, that I 100% would want a paternity test. She says she would give me one, but after that, would want a divorce. Am I crazy here? Or if I get checked and I'm sterile, is it not reasonable to get a paternity test? Sorry to be doing a Stevie Wonder here, but the phone's in the way of my screen, so I've got to read around it. All right. I think these are two people that I've talked to before, and I'm not saying I don't want to talk again, but I want to give some little elbow room to new people. Yeah. I don't know. If you've been together for 15 years, you have a 14-year-old, not biologically mine.
[1:39] Did you marry her while she was pregnant? Is some other guy's cute? I just don't know. I just don't know. Now, James, if you could also type any questions, you get in from X as a whole, I would appreciate that.
[1:59] Quite shockingly, the Church of England, ah, the good old C of E, decided this week to cover the interior of the oldest cathedral in England in graffiti. No, no, no. People called Romanus, they go towards the house? No, it's not a Monty Python sketch. They covered the oldest cathedral in England in graffiti in order to represent the voices of marginalized communities. Did they do any of that? For the half century? Of industrial rape inflicted upon little British girls? Nope. Where was the church in the industrial-scale Rotherham-style mass rape that was going on since the 1970s in England? Wild. The very reverend David Monteith, Dean of Canterbury, said, there is a rawness which is magnified by the graffiti style which is disruptive it is unfiltered and not sanitized this exhibition intentionally builds bridges between culture styles and genres and allows us to receive the gifts of younger people with much to say.
[3:11] They're just sprawling I hate graffiti I hate graffiti with a burning biblical Old Testament flamethrower passion, it's Shitty minds scrawling shit on buildings that they can't possibly build themselves. And here they are, scrawling it, this filth, on the eldest cathedral in England. It's absolutely amazing.
[3:46] Did you know that life insurance executives in America reported a 40% spike in deaths among the healthiest Americans in late 2021? 40%. Spike in deaths among the healthiest Americans. Huh. What could it possibly mean? What could it possibly be? Absolutely shocking beyond words. All right. Let's go with our callers. Agartha voices on your mind my friend don't forget to unmute.
[4:20] Oh uh thank you stefan uh what's on my mind uh quite a few different things um i wanted to like uh apologize for making a fool of myself last time i was on here but um also i just sorry
[4:34] What happened last time.
[4:35] Oh uh yeah honestly like this happens quite a few times whenever i'm on your show but um i think it's just because you're so smart in comparison, so.
[4:47] Sorry, when were you last on the show? I recognize your voice, I just can't recall.
[4:51] Yeah, I think like yesterday.
[4:53] Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. I got it. Yes, so go ahead.
[4:57] Oh, yeah, so one of my whole, one of my points I wanted to get across was the appeal to authority argument that you made last time in terms of how come a police officer could use a force when detaining someone as compared to, let's say, a gangbanger. And I just figured, like, all right, well, we share, like, I'd say, a lot of the ideologically same views, so it wasn't something I was necessarily expecting. That being said, when it comes to, like, let's say my own body and, like, let's say my own choices, so from, like, a utilitarian standpoint or, let's say, a consequentialist standpoint, I would say it does make sense that other people can use force or, like, let's say, do blank with my own body. But from, like, let's suppose... From, let's say, a libertarian perspective.
[6:02] Okay, I need you to gather your thoughts and get to a question, please. You're scattered here. So a good thing to do is, especially if you're going to speak in public, write it down ahead of time so you're not trying to sort of figure it out on the fly because that's not working.
[6:16] My bad. All right, so let's see. What are your thoughts on suicide rights?
[6:26] Well, people have the right to kill themselves. you have the right to destroy your own property. I mean, nobody's going to go to jail if I take my phone and smash it against the wall. If I take your phone and smash it against the wall, that's a different matter. But my own phone, I can destroy my own property. Your life is your own property. So you have the right to destroy yourself. Now, with regards to is it good or bad to kill yourself? Well, I mean, I can certainly think of situations, and I'm obviously happy to be corrected on this. I can think of situations where I could understand why someone would kill themselves. So an obvious one is if you are in some sort of terminal illness, you're bleeding money like a stuck pig, you're in constant pain, it's just going to get worse. There's no cure and you might want to, you know, punch out early, so to speak, right? I can understand. I can understand that.
[7:22] And that's, of course, the sort of philosophy behind the MAID, medically-assisted induced death in Canada, which unfortunately is targeting younger and younger people with healthier and healthier organs. Pure Falunca coincidence, I'm sure. But I can understand that. I have nothing but bottomless contempt for people who kill themselves when they have a family, when they have children. And I've talked to a number of people over the last 20 years of doing this show where they have come home and found, you know, that the dad sucked a shotgun in the study or hung themselves in their room, even. I have absolutely bottomless Catholic contempt, never bury them hallowed ground. I think it is one of the ugliest things that you can do if you want to kill yourself to do it in a way that is clearly suicide. When you have a family, you have a wife, you have kids because you are traumatizing them forever. And I would have unending contempt for someone like that. So those are sort of my basic thoughts, if that makes sense.
[8:34] Oh, yeah. Yeah. So like another point was going to be, you know, I find like this whole topic and including consent to be like a kind of an interesting topic because like, well, like we wouldn't want the government going in and like subsidizing like a maid. But let's suppose someone like Mr. Rosenbaum sees a kid armed with an AR-15 and says, shoot me N-word. Would that be consent to then shoot them? Or would he have to then run up to a Rittenhouse to then get offed?
[9:09] Let me ask you something. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me ask you something.
[9:12] Terms of consent.
[9:13] Hang on, let me ask you something. And I mean this in all seriousness, and I'm genuinely curious about that. What do you think is the biggest moral issue in your life your life your personal life the one you're living.
[9:26] Biggest moral issue. That's insanely personal.
[9:36] Philosophy is personal. Philosophy is how you act in your life, right? Okay, let me ask you another question. If you don't want to answer that, that's fine. I mean, I think that philosophy is practical, and I think philosophy is supposed to help us in our lives. But let me ask you another question. Is Mr. Rosenbaum screaming, Shoot me N-word at some guy. Anything you've ever seen or experienced?
[10:03] Seen or experienced? Oh, fuck. You know what? I'm going to be real with you. I kind of went full retard some time ago. And like last year, a cop did like point a gun at me. This was like a traffic thing. And I remember what I do. I said shoot me, but then he lowered his gun to my legs, and I was like, oh, fuck this. Then put my hands behind my back because, well, it's aimed at my chest or head at that point. You know what? A whole bunch of bad stuff happens.
[10:44] And why do you think you asked a cop to shoot you?
[10:50] Why?
[10:55] And I appreciate the honesty, I really do.
[11:01] That's like super personal. Felt like my life was just in a downward spiral.
[11:22] And you're the guy who's 5'10 and 250, right?
[11:27] Yeah, like back then I was like 220-ish.
[11:29] Okay, that's not, I'm just talking, I'm just identifying you from yesterday. Okay. And again, you can do broad strokes and nobody even knows your name, right? So you can do broad strokes. What was going on in your life that it was spiraling down so much?
[11:44] I think, oh yeah, like quite a few different things. Well, two different things specifically, I would say. I said some really dumb stuff to like this one alright so one of the things happened was kind of had an issue over a financial dispute some time ago this bastard defrauded me like 59 Solana
[12:09] Oh you mean the crypto.
[12:10] Yeah yeah okay so some bastard like defrauded me like 59 solana and um so i was just having a lot of drama with this dude in terms of like what
[12:24] Is the value of that i don't the cryptos.
[12:26] Like last time i checked it was like over 10 grand okay
[12:31] That sounds like.
[12:32] That's, like, most of, like, honestly, like, my own, like, savings I had. So there was that. And my—
[12:39] And sorry, how did he—don't tell me his name, of course, right? Because this is all unproven, at least objectively. But how did he scam you?
[12:48] How? So I asked the dude to, like, hodl for me in exchange for cash. For every $10, it goes up. By the time you do sell you're allowed to have 200 of it however whatever you do don't sell until it reaches blank price so I tried to like negotiate alright just pay me back some debt or some other bills like I tried to like work something out but it's like um are you
[13:19] In your 20s or 30s?
[13:23] And besides that But honestly, only other thing happened was like, My soulmate didn't want to talk to me ever again, so that sucked.
[13:42] Your girlfriend, you mean?
[13:44] I wouldn't say my girlfriend.
[13:47] Your wife? I'm not sure what you mean.
[13:49] It's complicated, dude.
[13:51] It's probably not. It's probably complicated from the inside, but maybe not from the outside.
[13:58] Honestly, this topic is very personal.
[14:01] Okay, so there was a girl that you really liked, and she didn't want to talk to you.
[14:10] Um, I mean, like I save her as my emergency contact, but.
[14:17] And why was there something that happened in particular that she didn't want to talk to you or did she move away or was there something that you don't know that happened?
[14:30] I'll be wrote you sometimes I get told this by certain women I'm too emotionally intense sometimes
[14:39] What do they mean by emotionally intense?
[14:42] They don't say emotionally intense they just say too intense Okay,
[14:46] But what do they mean by intense do you think?
[14:48] By intense so So, sometimes it's like, I kind of, to say the least, existentially find too much meaning in, I guess, the slightest things. And because of that, I get like, I guess I seem too unstable about it.
[15:20] So, and would you say that when you were growing up, you had a strong or a weak pair bond with your parents?
[15:41] Strong, but chaotic, in a way.
[15:44] What do you mean by chaotic?
[15:49] I have a quick question. Would it be possible for me to talk to you from my other account on X?
[15:59] Well, yeah, we can give it a try. I will move to someone else. And again, I appreciate your honesty. And this is where philosophy is, not in necessarily these chaotic abstractions.
[16:09] I don't feel like my PFP necessarily represents my best philosophical...
[16:21] Oh, it's okay. Listen, you can call me back.
[16:26] I'll give you my other username if that works.
[16:31] You mean you'll say it to me now and then call me back with that username?
[16:34] Yeah, but I think you blocked it, though.
[16:37] Oh, okay. I'm not going to be able to do that at the moment. So we'll have to schedule that for another time. Listen, I just, I'm not trying to, you know, peel people's heart scabs back or anything like that, but I am a very big one for solving real problems. And listen, there's nothing wrong with theoreticals and trolley problems and hanging from a light bulb and life raft and emergency and blah, blah, blah. I think there's nothing wrong with those. They're sort of amiable theoretical things. But where philosophy really matters is in helping you make better decisions in your actual practical life. So I try to bring philosophy to bear on the problems that people are actually facing. And try and figure out how, particularly self-knowledge, right? Know thyself was the first commandment of Socrates. Because if you don't know yourself, then you're just run by your history. You're like a marionette, a Geppetto style, just run around by your history.
[17:39] So I do try to, and I'll entertain some abstractions. We did that yesterday with this fellow. But I think that a lot of times people come up with philosophical abstractions. I'm not saying this guy's doing it, or at least not consciously, but people come up with philosophical abstractions in order to discredit the value and power of philosophy. And the value and power of philosophy is fixing your life that you're actually living in a way that really helps improve, the quality of your life, the quality of your love, the quality of your money-making, the quality of your virtue, the quality of your connection with people. That's what philosophy is for, not for abstract lifeboat scenarios that you're never going to encounter. I view, it's like nutrition. Nutrition is the discipline of figuring out what is best for you to eat to be healthy. It is not, well, if I was on a desert island and I only had conch shells and not any salt, and I was slightly allergic to conch, like that's not what nutrition is. Okay, you've got food choices to make every day. Every day, we decide what to eat. So what did I eat today? I had a piece of toast. I had a banana. I had some salmon and some salad.
[19:00] And I think that's it. Yeah, I didn't eat too much. Oh, no, my daughter made some, and we were talking about this in the show yesterday. She made some date squares and I had one of those. Love date squares. So that's the stuff I'm eating, not, well, you know, if you were trapped on Survivor Island, and it's like, but I'm not. This is the stuff that I'm actually putting in front of me and in my body every day.
[19:28] How would you exercise if you were an Olympic-level skier? Well, I'm not an Olympic-level skier. So how should I exercise in the life that I have? Not in the theoretical life that I could have somewhere else in some other galaxy, some other universe, some other life. I'm very much about what can be done now with the resources you have philosophically to make your life better. This comes to some degree out of my practical life as an entrepreneur. So as an entrepreneur, when I was in the software field, I specifically did not say things like, okay, so imagine we had an anti-gravity device and people would be like, what? We don't have an anti-gravity. No, but imagine we did. Where would we sell it? What would the marketing plan be? And it's like, bro, what do we actually have that we could sell? No. What could we have in another life or of the universe. All right. JC, you are on the air. Not on the E-R-R, but on the A-I-R. What is on your mind, mes amis, mon frère? Going once, going twice. Do I hear something? Yes. Yeah, go ahead.
[20:53] Hey, it's JC. I sang Mrs. Weatherman on your show.
[20:57] Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
[20:59] I'm doing amazing. And thank you for that. I did get a connection out of it to produce some music. So that was serendipitous.
[21:06] That's great to hear. I also wanted to mention that my daughter really liked your song.
[21:11] That's amazing. It's an interesting one, and I am looking to get it produced. Anyways, I'm on that journey.
[21:18] Sorry, I just wanted to mention, I liked your song too, but I couldn't tell my daughter. Do you know why?
[21:24] Oh, because if daddy likes it, then...
[21:26] Yeah, you know, if you're a teenager searching for your own identity, God forbid you like anything from the 80s. Not that yours is from the 80s, but anyway, so I'm glad that it's working out. And what's on your mind?
[21:37] Yeah, so other than music, I actually have another passion and career path that I took after Hollywood. So after I lost my ability to be on TV and commercials and all that because of whatever was happening, I dove pretty deeply into the world of emotional intelligence transformation. And I started doing some programs out in Los Angeles that dive into EQ, emotional intelligence, how we show up in the world. And I started working for the company. Long story short, I started my own coaching programs about seven years ago. And the program is called Rise Sync. It's based on every day doing a 10-minute or 50-minute call with a coach or with a group. And it's early in the morning. So, like, my first risers right now is, like, 4.50 in the morning.
[22:28] Oh.
[22:29] Yeah, exactly.
[22:30] A lot of farmers looking for advice, right?
[22:33] Yeah, yeah. But, no, it's for entrepreneurs, business owners, people who have that, Kobe Bryant, Elon Musk. I do whatever it takes to make something happen in my life. And so I've been running these programs now for seven years now and i even built my own software and it's it's a gamification of life and there are instances where i i wonder to myself does this really work does this really fundamentally help people in a way that uh sustains them in a way that it impacts them or am i am i a snake you know a snake oil salesman person i like it there's a part of me that second guess is like this is does this shit actually work am i really doing something of benefit or Are people paying for something that is a crutch or something that, um, just me, you know, maybe they become dependent upon and becomes wishful thinking. And as I'm getting more people doing the programs now, I believe in what I'm doing and I know that it does impact people's lives, but, um, in terms of longevity and are people still practicing after the program a year, you know, a year from now, um, is there any chance in your opinion that this is all bullshit and I'm, I'm doing a disservice to people?
[23:43] I mean, I ask myself that question every day. So it's a good question to ask. So let me ask you a couple of qualifying questions. Are you tall?
[23:55] No.
[23:56] What's your height?
[23:58] 5'7".
[23:58] All right. Are you good looking?
[24:01] I would think so.
[24:02] Okay. Good head of hair?
[24:04] Yes.
[24:05] Okay. Good sense of humor?
[24:09] I don't know, Stefan. What do you think?
[24:12] Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, we haven't had a joke off or anything like that, but do you find it relative? I mean, a lot of people who are public speakers find it relatively easy to make people laugh, right? As a Tom Woods joker.
[24:23] Well, because of the rigor of the program, I do find humor. Like I do lean on, you know, almost like in the military, they sing songs and they make fun of things. Like there is a sense of, you know, let's have a good laugh as we're doing this because you're doing challenging things.
[24:40] Are you slender
[24:41] I am, yeah i'm athletic
[24:43] Athletic okay so you're a good-looking guy with great hair who's athletic right how much do you think that has paved your way forward in life
[24:54] hmm. It's uh it definitely has its advantages i do believe
[24:59] Looks have great advantages
[25:01] yeah yeah no i i i think about that sometimes um How much of it? You know, the thing is, a lot of the coaching that I do, I'm off camera. So I just have a conversation.
[25:13] No, no, no. Sorry to interrupt. I'm talking about before, right? So, you know, I'm not putting you in the same category, but there's this way of thinking called the secret. I'm sure you've heard of it, right? So the secret is, and I'm obviously paraphrasing significantly here, but the secret is, just want things from the universe and eventually they'll manifest and i can't help but notice that all the people who i've ever seen who are into the secret are very good looking okay now, wanting things from the universe let's say you're a sexy woman right you're a young attracted sexy woman, how hard is it, do you think, to have good things happen to you in life?
[26:10] Maybe a lot easier than somebody who's not good-looking.
[26:13] Right.
[26:14] So an advantage for sure.
[26:15] Right. So when you were in your early mid-teens and you started to get interested in girls, what sort of response did you get? Yeah.
[26:29] Um, good responses, you know, I had girlfriends and I was able to, to sweet talk my way into a kiss or two here and there, um, as a kid, you know, or maybe like later on 17, 18.
[26:41] Okay. So off the girls that you approached, how many said ew/no?
[26:52] Uh i don't have a stat sheet but i don't know maybe ewes no i don't think they said ew i don't know i don't know
[27:00] okay let's just say no ewes but how about no?
[27:03] Uh okay let's say 40 maybe less i don't know i don't know i mean i don't
[27:11] Don't give me this false modesty if you're a charming guy
[27:13] uh-huh
[27:14] good looking great hair if the girl's single and you're a smooth talker and you're good looking, how many say no? Again, assuming they're single and available or whatever it is, right?
[27:29] I'm not sure, but I guess I didn't attempt kissing a girl if I didn't think I was going to get a kiss.
[27:35] Okay. What about just going up and talking to a girl? What percentage of people, I'm sorry, what percentage of women either gave you cocktail eyes or stink eye or resting bitch face, right? So cocktail eyes, or if you're talking to someone at a party and they're just looking around, distracted, looking for someone better to talk to, somebody more important, somebody better looking, somebody better for their career or something. And it's kind of distracting to try and talk to someone. Not that I've ever experienced it, but I hear it today. So a cocktail eyes, stink eye is just like, what are you talking to me for, loser?
[28:06] And resting bitch face is just that cold ice queen thing that happens.
[28:10] So when you would go up and talk to a girl or a woman, what percentage of negative response did you get?
[28:23] I'm not sure, but I don't think it was, I didn't get a lot of stink eyes. I didn't get a lot of that kind. I mean, maybe the girl wasn't into me or wasn't attractive.
[28:31] But she wouldn't be rude or negative, right?
[28:33] Most of the time, no.
[28:34] Okay. I will tell you about an interesting experiment that I did when I was in theater school. I was going to discos from the age of like 16 onwards, loved going to discos, had a great time and learned how to moonwalk and do all kinds of funky dances and all that kind of stuff and chatted with girls and had a really fun time as a teenager that way. Anyway, because I was actually scouted for modeling back in the day, and I was a pretty good looking young fellow, and so I got a lot of positive response from girls. So what I tried with a friend of mine was we got really thick glasses and we gave herself really bad hairdos and we didn't dress very well and tried exactly what we had done before, but without our good looks and social signals of success, so to speak. Same thing, same person, just a different appearance. And what do you think happened?
[29:40] Different response?
[29:41] You think? It really was. It really was. Now, of course, there's things you can do about your appearance, but there's things you can't do about your appearance. Now, let's say that you had the misfortune of being raised with parents who fed you badly and kept you at home because of social anxieties or whatever it is, right? And you then happened to be, say, 30 or 40 pounds overweight as a teenager. What do you think would have happened to your confidence, your sense of self, your life as a whole?
[30:18] Probably not very good.
[30:19] Well, I'm asking you what you would think.
[30:22] Oh, what would I think? The world's a scary place. I'm a gargoyle-looking kind of fellow. I probably We should not go out to try to meet women. If I was in that situation, yeah, I probably would be not too excited to go out and meet people. Or maybe I would if it's the first time, but that probably wouldn't be my view of the world.
[30:43] You know, this is going to shock some people, but there was a guy in high school who went bald, started going bald even before I did. And it was pretty tortuous for him. And it really did a number on his self-confidence. You know, those guys, they always have to have a hat. And not just because it's easier than putting a logo on the screen, but they always have to have a hat and you know or guys who've got something like they've got crooked teeth so like freddie mercury had these you know he had four extra teeth so he had this giant overbite and he would put his hand in front of his mouth when he was um younger to to some people couldn't see his teeth and he would always have to vet every photograph to make sure his teeth didn't protrude and he was very he was very self-conscious about the teeth and i couldn't get them fixed because he was concerned about it affecting his voice just like he couldn't, he got these nodes.
[31:41] Nodules, sorry, nodules in mid-1970s and he didn't want to get them fixed because, there's big negative things that happen from there. So it wasn't his fault, it's just the way things were. So there are lots of people who would like to have a podcast but they have, you know, can you unpleasant and nasal voices and there's not much they can do about it and people just aren't going to Listen, I, you know, I'm relatively fortunate. I didn't earn my voice. I'm just born with it. I have this vague, fruity accent that makes me sound smarter. I have a relatively pleasant timbre. I happened to go to theater school and take a lot of voice training so I can use my voice in ways that other people aren't used to and so on.
[32:25] So I have a reasonably decent instrument when it comes to broadcasting, but I didn't earn that. It's just the voice that I was born with. you know, my brother has a high fluty type of voice and I just have a more bass and.
[32:42] Resonant type of voice. So that's the way that is, right? I happen to be fairly, I'm taller than the average man, just a shade under six feet. I happen to have blue eyes when I was younger. I had straw blonde hair and a good jawline. I mean, I didn't earn these things. They're just born. So listen, I'm not, of course, saying that you don't deserve any of your success, but I'm always curious about the degree to which part of the ease that you sell in the world, always the big question is, how reproducible is what you have in the world? So if there's some, you know, 36, 24, 36 blonde bombshell and she says, well, you just have to be haughty and guys will flock to you. And she says this to the, you know, five foot two, 250 pound greasy haired, whatever, right girl, how much of the life of the bombshell is transferable to the woman who is short or frumpy or ugly or squint eyed or bad teeth or bad skin or whatever it is, right? Things that it's not a huge amount that you can do about some of these things. So how transferable is it? And I'm honestly, I could talk about that question all night. I'm actually kind of obsessed with how transferable things are.
[34:12] You know, like, like if you look at somebody like, um, what is it? Good old banana hands. Um, uh, Anthony.
[34:21] Oh, it'll come to me. He was in that movie with Jack Black. Tony Robbins. There we go. Tony Robbins. Thank you, brain. See, I didn't even earn that. My brain just decided to kick it out for reasons of its own. So Anthony Robbins is like, isn't he over seven feet tall? Like he's got a kind of gigantism and he's got, you know, great hair and this giant jaw and, you know, this massive frame and, And, you know, and so he is just physically, ridiculously imposing and, you know, he's like a man gods striding down from Olympus to stroll among the mere mortals, right?
[35:04] And he does these seminars. And, you know, I mean, good for him. I think I've watched one called I Am Not Your Guru. And, you know, other than the fact that I can't stand it when people's voices are half broken. But you know he he does uh this this thing and he's transferring his confidence however if you're a really good looking seven foot tall guy with perfect hair i think it's a little easier to be confident in the same way that if you're a shapely woman with a beautiful face it's a little easier to be confident and the question is and i don't know the answer to that the question is how transferable is it? Now, if it's something like math skills, you'd say, well, that's more transferable because it's not based on.
[35:54] Looks. Ah, yes, but there are parts of the brain that need to be better wired in order for people to get math.
[36:04] You know, I started writing my first short story when I was six years old, and I've written, I don't know, thousands and thousands and thousands of pages of stuff, and I enjoy the process. I'm just in the middle of reading the audiobook of my new novel, Dissolution, which is available for subscribers at freedomain.com/donate. But when I first started writing, I enjoyed it. I've been really good at it. And when I first started debating, I was really good at it. So how much is taught? I don't know. Can you teach someone perfect pitch? No, people just seem to have it. You know, there are people who, when you hear a singer, they're like, oh, that's a little off. And other people are like, sounds fine to me. Can you teach that stuff? So I don't know. I think wisdom is transferable. I think morals are transferable. Mm-hmm i'm not sure about other stuff i mean i when i was at theater school uh everybody was about as good at the end as they were at the beginning i'm not really sure what happened into all that time that we spent in movement classes and dance classes and sword fighting classes and elocution classes and and and um improv classes and it was fun it was fun but i I don't know. I mean, have you seen people massively change their skill sets in a relatively short period of time? Now, of course, with your coaching business, I'm sure you have.
[37:24] But how much of your ease and confidence and smooth sailing in life is transferable to others? I don't know the answer to that, but it's an interesting question.
[37:35] For sure. And if I can add something to, so I've actually trained other people with me and under me to run the system. I mean, it's meat and potatoes. It's every day. When people start the program, they declare a 90-day goal for their health and fitness, a 90-day goal for career and finances, passion, purpose, recreation, recharge, relationships, community. And we identify what we call our top three, which we call a GTO, Guarantee, Target, Outrageous. And so people go on this 90-day journey of every day declaring these things. And so there's no magic to it other than showing up every day and being someone of courage, of honesty like all these things that i believe philosophy has given in my life is has given me at least a framework to go hey you can show up every day and make something happen there's no fucking magic to this at all other than you putting into work every single day and over time you know things do happen maybe and you know i took a shot on jumping on your podcast last time because i was like it's time to get online again it's time to get on x again and next thing you I know I'm performing a song for you and that created an opportunity somewhere. So, uh, you know, this is a, I, I believe this is an honest program in that it's about everyday building habits. No one's changing drastically. No one's changing their personality, but I believe people can transform and evolve to that next version of themselves.
[38:56] And, you know, there's just always that question of, is this, is this really, is this real? And am I really giving people fundamental tools that they can take with them after the program's over? Yeah.
[39:07] Well, I mean, do you do do you do follow ups? Do you, you know, drop past people a year after the program and see how they're doing?
[39:15] Yeah. And a lot of people come back. I mean, a lot I have I have had a woman who literally did the program for two years straight. That's what I had to tell her. You got to take a break and live your life and and see how you are without the you know, how you swim on your own without the training wheels. So there are instances like that. And people do come back and high level professionals, attorneys and people in business. And I do some consulting for companies and they come back and they do it because they're like, I'm sharper this way. It's like having a personal trainer or a golf caddy. Like if you play with a golf caddy, you're going to have a significant advantage, but I'm not hitting the ball for you. And I'm never there to solve anybody's problem.
[39:54] Okay. So what are the principles that you bring to bear on people's, is it procrastination or these sorts of things? They want things in life, but they're not really taking steps to achieve them.
[40:06] Yeah. Identifying the goals. Like we call them destinations. So we first journal out a vision for our life. So what's like a one to five year vision? And then we work backwards and go, okay, what's a 90 day destination? So vision being like your North Star, your true North. What are you working towards and then destination what can you accomplish for real in the next 90 days and we track it so it's not hocus pocus like oh i'm gonna make a million dollars it's like that's not realistic for most people but what's something that we can track that you can work towards and it's it's i mean it's pretty thorough that it's a morning journal a nighttime journal you got to post photos of your progress if you say you did something you got to put it in the group chat like there must be some okay
[40:46] So can you give me i mean it could be like lose 10 pounds and I don't want to minimize what you're saying or reduce it, but what would be some typical goals that people would be pursuing?
[40:58] Yeah, losing 30, I literally just had a call with a woman. She wants to lose 30 pounds in 90 days. I challenged her to 40. She's about 300 pounds, so I know that she could work the 40 pounds. And I try to be realistic with them. Okay, let's set this goal. And as time goes on, you'll discover, is this really in alignment? Is this something that really works? And then people find out along the way. Sometimes people find out, this is actually, it's not what I wanted. I actually wanted to do something else. And people have those epiphanies over the course of the journey. But you start identifying a goal and then it's about creating positive feedback loops. So every day, we acknowledge the wins. We talk about our celebrations from the day before. What are you learning from yesterday? So the question I always use is, what would you strengthen or do differently? I never ask what you did wrong or are you fucking up? And so people become self-cleaning ovens. People start to build this mindset of, okay, I can objectively, clinically and objectively look at what I did and my actions. And is this getting me to where I want to go?
[42:01] Okay, so if somebody wants to lose 40 pounds in how long? What was the time frame? Three months?
[42:06] 90 days.
[42:07] Okay, three months. Okay, so give or take. Okay, so they want to lose 40 pounds, so they'll say, they'll create a list of what it is they want to do to lose those 40 pounds, right? And then you just, sorry, I don't mean to minimize it, but you encourage them to pursue that and you ask them to check every day whether they're achieving their goals.
[42:26] They'll jump on a call with me. I'll pull it up on the screen. I'll literally share my screen with me and you can see other people's declarations. So it's like a group environment. So you can see other people's declarations. You can see what people declared the day before and if they accomplished it. And it gives them a score. It gives you like a score, one out of 10 on different areas of life. And were you on time? Did you complete your journals? So there's a science to it for sure. And then, but you gotta, you know, you over time, you gotta prove that you're doing the work or you gotta give us some sort of evidence that you did do the workout or you did do the nutrition. and so people do that monday through friday five days a week for 90 days things start to happen
[43:05] Sure i mean you've got commitments and you've got people hounding you for your commitments, okay and then what so people um because you know like 97 of people who lose weight gain it back and a significant proportion of those gain back more than they've lost so people can lose weight, even, well, a lot of people can lose weight. The challenge is to keep it off, right? I mean, I dropped like 30 pounds like 15 years ago and you just, you can't go back. Like you just have to never go back. I can't remember the last time I ate a candy bar. Like it's, it's honestly, it's been probably 10, 12 years. So you just, you just can't go back. No chips, no chocolate, no cookies, no dip, no nothing. Right. And, uh, I really, very rarely have dessert. So, When it comes to permanent life changes, what happens after they leave the feedback loop, the accountability from an outside eye?
[44:03] Yeah. And I know you're using fitness as an example, but this applies to a lot of career and finance goals, too. You know, people do people. I don't think they revert back all the way because they know what to do now. They know how to keep it going. So I don't know. It's hard to say because I don't follow. track what everybody does a year afterwards. I will say, I do feel like some people do revert back. That is something that I have noticed. But generally speaking, people seem better off. Like they know what to do.
[44:36] Yeah. I mean, I remember many years ago, someone encouraged me to try the Landmark Forum, which comes out of the Werner Earhart test. Yeah. And I did a three-day one and I did a five-day one and a couple of, actually got into some really interesting philosophical debates, as you could imagine, with the seminar leader. And I did a couple of maintenance ones. And again, I thought it was interesting. It turned out to be a little hazardous for me. I won't sort of get into the details, but it encouraged me to be decisive and positive in an area that could have been extremely negative. But it's not their fault. I'm just sort of pointing out that you don't often have a lot of deep information about people when you give them these kinds of encouragements and it can lead them down a negative path. But again, that's nothing negative on them. That was just the circumstance. And of course, I knew a bunch of people who had did that kind of stuff. And would I say that it had any kind of long lasting or permanent effects? I would say that I didn't see that. I will say, I mean, I will say, and I won't get, I don't know if their stuff is proprietary, so I won't get into the details. But there were a number of exercises that were actually pretty good, pretty great, and worthwhile. And I have no regrets at having done that stuff.
[45:59] But it is... It fills, I think for people, and I mean this in a very positive way, it fills a void of interest and encouragement. You know, most people sail through life. Other people aren't that interested in what they do, particularly if they didn't get it as children from their parents
[46:17] or teachers or whatever, right?
[46:18] But most people sail through life and they kind of have these secret worlds that they're really into. It could be Warhammer games. It could be painting figurines. It could be uh train spotting it could be collecting butterflies i mean they have these these are trains like model trains and stuff or i don't know polish cinema like they have these sort of things that they're really interested in that nobody else really seems to care about and they don't really get much feedback like when i see somebody who's overweight i don't see an individual i see an entire system i see an entire family structure i see an entire friend structure, I see someone that doesn't have someone in their life or more than one person in their life who cares enough to say, this is bad. You got to lose weight. And I'm here for you and I'll do anything I can to help, but I really care about you. I really love you. And I just don't want to see you get sick. I don't want to see you in pain. I don't want to see you with bad joints. I don't want to see you with heart disease, or smokers, like people who smoke.
[47:25] They've got a whole bunch of people around them who aren't saying to them, I care about you enough to sit down and say, okay, what's going on with the smoking? And you've got to change. So when I see dysfunction, I don't see individuals. I see systems. I see entire groups of people. In fact, I see generally groups of people like a moat around that person changing. They will not let people through. And so I think if If you come in with encouragement and accountability and feedback and goals, I think that's great. I think the challenge is, though, when you change your life, it messes up your entire social circle.
[48:06] When I said, when podcasting came along and blogging came along and I was like, I'm going for it. I am 150%. This is like a once, not a once in a lifetime. This is a once in the lifetime of philosophy. This is once in a 3000 year. This is the time. I got to get the truth out there before they realize and shut the doors, right? Which sort of happened when Trump got in around 2016. And then for me, you know, the hammer really came down in 2020, but I had, you know, 10 to 14 glorious years, which had never existed before in philosophy, where I could speak unfiltered to the planet and listen to people about the power and beauty of philosophy. So I was like, I'm going for it. And the people that I knew in my life at the time, I don't want to get into details, but they were like, oh, that's interesting. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you like it, I mean, I guess. Why not? Right.
[49:02] Good for you, right.
[49:03] You're quitting? Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, good. Or they say, what, you've got a really good job. Like, what are you quitting? You're making a fortune. Like, what are you quitting? Like, I took this, I don't know, 80%, 75%, 80% pay cut to start doing what I'm doing. And i was like i need to become bigger than i've ever conceived of in terms of personality in terms of clarity in terms of belief in what i'm capable of doing i need to become bigger.
[49:38] Than i've ever conceived of being and when you make that leap and you say i'm not going to have the vanity of putting a lid on my potential. And it's not about me, right? This show is not about me. It's not about looking clever. It's not about being right. I hate being right because it's usually dour predictions. But it is about getting as much philosophy into the world as humanly possible because it's never been possible before to this degree. So sort of long story short, when I said, okay, I have to bestride the world like a colossus. I'm not naturally, I want to say a megalomaniacal person or something like that, but I'm not naturally a sort of big world striding personality. You know, I am not like a stride the world, like, like some giants. And, and, you know, there are some people who like that, who just have that, giant Hagrid personality or something like that. I'm not that big, you know, expansive. And I, I really work to be comfortable, because I'm British, right? I work to be comfortable with having a big presence in the world, and...
[50:49] That was a conscious removal of limits. You know, like in Star Wars, they get removed the restraining ball to virtually, like I removed the restraining ball to Vesuvius, right? And nobody came along. Nobody from my old life, before and after public philosophy, there's no one. There's not even a hint of someone. There's not even someone who checks in once a year or once every five years. They're gone. And I think that's the challenge. So there were systems around me that were keeping me small. And I was part of those systems. I'm not blaming other people. Fundamentally, it's down to me, right? But when I said, I'm not going to be small, I'm going to be as big as the technology and my abilities will let me be. I will assume no restraint and I will back down from nothing.
[51:38] And I will go and chew the scenery if I have to. I'll sing, I'll dance, I'll whatever. Like I will do what I'll joke. I'll do whatever is necessary to get maximum philosophy out into the world. Because philosophy has been kept at bay by institutions and especially academia for literally thousands and thousands of years. So the point is that I lost everyone. Everyone, everyone was gone. Nobody wanted to come along for that. Right. I think there's still a show or two that I did with a friend of mine back then, but yeah, he did, he couldn't, he couldn't or wouldn't or didn't, doesn't really matter. Wouldn't, wasn't going to come along. And then when you're, when you're saying I'm going to be big in the world and other people don't view you that way, you can't sustain both perspectives. It's like trying to do math with someone yelling random numbers into your ear. You just, you can't do it. If you're going to, if you're going to uncork your potential and other people around you are putting a tight lid on it, well, you think you're all that, or you think you're so much smarter, or you think you can do this, or you think you can do that. And it's just like, I can't, I can't, I can't fucking do it with people yelling doubt in my ear. I can't do it. And I won't do it with people yelling doubt in my ear because, you know, it's like being a high wire act and people just shooting blow darts at you. You just, you can't do it. And so I, I'm sorry for the long speech, but, but I guess the challenge is.
[52:54] You guys come in and you kind of substitute a limiting social circle that keeps people down. Most social circles are designed to keep people down. And you come in and you uncork that and you give a counter. I guess my concern would be they go back out into the world. And then they are surrounded by the small-minded, the petty, the persons from Porlock, the guy who interrupted the Kubla Khan poem from Coleridge and he could never get it back. I think that's my concern about when they go back to the lives that were defined by the people who kept them small or weak or fat or lazy or stupid or like, cause people, they feel very uncomfortable when other people rise. They feel that they take it personally. They, they will try and claw you down as the crabs in the bucket thing. So what happens, there's the end of the speech. Thank you for your patience. What happens when people go back to the small minded people around them and don't have your kind of robust encouragement and accountability there.
[53:51] Yeah. Well, it's funny because the name of the program is called Rise. There's that saying, the biggest treason a crab can commit is jumping for the rim of the bucket.
[54:01] Right.
[54:02] So, no, I really thank you. And I do actually need to jump into a coaching call here soon. I'm keeping a riser at bay because I really wanted to have this conversation. But yeah, I do live in that question of, am I doing something that is worthwhile? While am I doing something that actually impacts people's lives? And I'm just a voice in people's ears at the end of the day and asking them questions. And then they create their own solutions. And a lot of times they do need to recreate their environment. They do need to eject from the paradigm shift that they're in if they really want to go to that next level. So I appreciate you sharing that with me.
[54:38] Well, thank you very much. And it's great to chat with you again and, yeah, go do your coaching thing. And, you know, and listen, it's not like I have all the answers, but I do remember in the first book that I wrote as a public philosopher, it was called Untruth, the Tyranny of Illusion. And in it, I say that philosophy will change everything about your life. And it's kind of like waking up in a city realizing that you're surrounded by zombies but you know or you have the feeling that somewhere across the desert is a relatively small town a relatively small town but it's full of actual people and you got to leave the familiar across the desert and listen people get lost in the desert people die in the desert people don't make it through the desert. Sometimes nobody even knows what happens to them in the desert. But if you get to the other town, the town of actual people, the town of those who are alive, it's well worth the journey. But philosophy takes the blinkers off your mind or your life. Philosophy takes those blinkers off and you get to see.
[55:51] What the world actually is. And then, and then I think you have that choice, whether you want to, make that journey across a brutal desert and find out if the journey is worthwhile for you. I believe that it is. I think that it is. I would say that I know that it is. But it is not easy at all all right uh well the fella's back but uh he wanted to do some different account things so i'm not really sure what to do about that uh we can do a shorter show i don't want to take him on if he doesn't want to talk about the stuff that i think is important, so maybe what i'll do you know what i'll do let me just try this let me let me let me try this so this was the first book I wrote this in what 2006, 2007 something like that.
[56:55] And let me see find it no maybe it wasn't in this book maybe it was somewhere, else yeah can't find it but you should check the book out on truth the tyranny of illusion it's available for free at freedomain.com/books and, also the handbook of human Ownership, A Manual for New Tax Farmers, is also something that you should check out. Also a very good book. All right, well, I will stop here, and I thank everyone so much. I did a, oh, boy, did I do a scorcher of a show today. Just, I did a solo show. Because I asked on X, I asked, why has Christianity failed to protect and preserve the West? Because it has. And I've been thinking about this all day and I did a 50-minute scorcher of a presentation about why I think Christianity has failed to preserve and protect the West.
[57:57] I, it's one of the very few times I've done a show and felt acutely uncomfortable. You know, I don't, I don't feel much discomfort with challenging ideas. In fact, I view them as things that I'm in hard pursuit of. It's sort of challenging and uneasy levels of truth ideas. But this one, oof, I was like, it feels wrong. It feels so wrong, but I can't argue with the logic of it. So anyway, I'm going to put this out to donors over the weekend, James, put this out to donors, and I'd love to get your feedback and thoughts on it. I don't know if it's going to make it to the general population because it is a.
[58:44] I can't, honestly, I cannot remember the last time, except maybe doing, I don't know, crime stats in 2014, like over 10 years ago, but I cannot remember the last time where I felt this uneasy about a line of reasoning. So, um, I'm going to put that out to donors this weekend. And if you are a donor, you'll get it. You know what? Anybody who donates this weekend, uh, you can, I'll send you a copy of it. Um, but yeah, as far as general population goes, I, uh, I feel uneasy and I haven't felt uneasy about an argument in donkey's years, but, uh, maybe I'm wired wrong and maybe it's fine or maybe it is as scorching as I think, but I will put that out this weekend for donors. And if you donate at freedomain.com/donate, I will send you a copy as well. And I really do thank you guys so, so much. I really love and appreciate these conversations. And I look forward to our next one Sunday morning. No, no, no show. Sorry, no show this Sunday, but we will get back. We'll do an extra show next week to make up for it. So freedomain.com slash donate. Thank you everyone so much. Have yourself a glorious, wonderful, delightful, and beautiful evening. Steph Bot, out.
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