In this Friday Night Live on 21 November 2025, philosopher Stefan Molyneux dives deep into a wide array of topics that push the boundaries of traditional discourse. Opening the show with a unique reflection on the significance of the upcoming Christmas date, 25th December 2025, Stefan's quirky observation about the oddity of that particular numeral alignment sets a lighthearted tone. However, he quickly transitions into heavier subjects, addressing various controversies surrounding historical figures, particularly focusing on Albert Einstein's perceived admiration for figures like Vladimir Lenin, whose actions led to mass atrocities. This provocative claim ignites fierce discussion about the implications of historical narratives and how they shape our understanding of morality today.
Stefan invites callers into the fold, engaging with a particularly poignant moment where a listener grapples with a breakup stemming from a perceived imbalance in relationship values. This discussion reveals a clash between traditional views of love and modern relationship dynamics, as the caller feels deeply unsettled by his girlfriend’s past exuberance for casual relationships, which he interprets as a dismissal of their current commitment. Stefan challenges him to reflect on the nature of sacrifice and expectations in intimate relationships, ultimately guiding him to conclude that his discomfort stems not just from jealousy, but from a fundamental misalignment of values regarding love and commitment.
As the conversation meanders, another caller probes into the moral complexities of historical systems, questioning the justifications for communism in the face of the czarist regime. Stefan provides a thorough critique, expertly delineating the brutal realities of both systems, while underscoring that even the harshest flaws of the czarist system pale in comparison to the monstrous implementations of Leninist policies. This insightful comparison highlights the dangers of romanticizing historical narratives without critically assessing their outcomes, leading the audience to ponder the real human cost of ideologies gone awry.
The discussions take a darker turn as Stefan delves into the psychological implications of anti-natalist philosophies, confronting the disturbing concept that a segment of society may unwittingly embrace a destructive mindset that seeks to reduce the joy of life for others. This poignant exploration links back to the earlier themes of familial bonds, parental expectations, and the psychological damage inflicted by generations of trauma. Stefan relates these issues back to his own experiences, offering an introspective look at how one's upbringing can profoundly shape their worldview and societal engagement.
A particularly fascinating call takes place as a listener connects this thread to C.S. Lewis's "The Abolition of Man," arguing that modernity's abandonment of traditional values has created a vacuum where destructive instincts prevail over generative ones. Stefan agrees, framing this conflict as part of a broader societal issue where hypersexuality and fractured family units lead to a culture profoundly disconnected from nurturing and reproduction—the very essence of human continuity. He posits that when individuals reject their roles in family and society, they may unknowingly align themselves with harmful ideologies that undermine community stability and personal fulfillment.
As the episode draws to a close, Stefan's reflections on the interactions between personal vulnerability and societal structures resonate strongly with his audience. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing parental influence and detaching from toxic familial expectations, an essential step towards personal emancipation. Concluding on a note of hope, he encourages listeners to take proactive steps in understanding their psychological landscapes and to seek genuine relationships based on mutual respect and shared values.
With an abundance of humor, sharp insight, and philosophical inquiry, this episode of X Space leaves the audience with much to ponder about the intersections of personal relationships, historical narratives, and societal constructs. Don't miss this thought-provoking dialogue, rich with the harsh realities of human interaction and the profound implications of ideology in shaping personal and collective futures.
0:18 - A Unique Christmas Date
1:48 - Housekeeping and Einstein's Controversy
5:30 - Relationship Dilemmas and Imbalances
12:02 - The Tsarist System vs. Communism
12:43 - Ignorance of Historical Atrocities
18:10 - The Impact of Reproductive Choices
21:33 - The Destructive Instinct in Society
26:43 - Parental Neglect and Its Consequences
37:54 - The Influence of Parental Attitudes
44:44 - Assessing Parental Credibility
50:52 - Victimhood and Sophistry
56:51 - Closing Thoughts and Future Calls
[0:02] Good evening, everybody. 21st November, 2025. Do you know the only time in the history of the entire universe this Christmas is going to be 25, 20, 25, 12, 2025.
[0:18] 25, 12, 25. Isn't that kind of cool? I think that's kind of cool. I mean, it's not like 12 is half of 25, 12 and a half would be half of 25, but midway through the day, it will be all set that way.
[0:38] So a couple of housekeeping-ish things. And again, if you have questions, comments, criticisms, whatever it is that you want to talk about on X, I've done seven hours of Colin shows today, so, uh, it may not be a super long show, unless y'all could just keep my attention somehow, focus, focus, uh, flash me some chest hair, ladies, all right, um, so I wrote, I wrote on X, um, Somebody said, Carl Sagan and these frickin' physicists, man, Albert Einstein, quote, it would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense. It would be without meaning, as if you described Beethoven's symphony as a variation of wave pressure. And I wrote, Albert Einstein praised and licked the boots of Vladimir Lenin, who mass murdered tens of millions of Christians in Russia, a genuinely evil man. And somebody wrote, more lies from the Twitter crowd. And he quoted Wikipedia,
[1:43] which is like me basing my physics on a dream I had last night about Sidney Sweeney. Topic for another time. And.
[1:54] On Wikipedia, they wrote about Einstein. He was critical of the methods employed by Vladimir Lenin and the Bolsheviks during the Russian Revolution, stating that they did not have a well-regulated system of government and had instead established a, quote, regime of terror over the fallen Russian empire. Now, I said he praised and licked the boots of Vladimir Lenin.
[2:20] So, that is ratchet and false. So, my patience is not axiom these days for just people who think they know what they're talking about. So, I said, shut up and learn something. Albert Einstein on Vladimir Lenin, and I quote from Einstein, in Lenin I honor a man who in total sacrifice of his own person has committed his entire energy to realizing social justice. I do not find his methods advisable. One thing is certain, however, men like him are the guardians and renewers of mankind's conscience. See, Vladimir Lenin was Hitler for Christians, except Hitler killed 6 million Jews. Communism killed 60, 70 million Christians. And I get proportion of the population as a whole. I get that, right? But Lenin was Hitler for Christians.
[3:11] People don't think in terms of principles. They don't think in terms of principles. All right, so let me see while I wait for the chitty-chatties to decide to talk.
[3:30] This is interesting. This is interesting. So this went, I guess, semi-viral. Am I the asshole? Am I overreacting? So, another question I have, of course. Am I overreacting for breaking up with my girlfriend over saying, I've had my fun. I've had my fun. I've had my fun. It's time for me to settle down. That's what she said that broke me instantly. This came after a group discussion with her friends that had to do with hookups. I asked her to clarify what she meant by that later and she said that she's glad she's had her fun sex with hookups and that she's glad she can settle down with someone more secure and available. I told her that I basically find that extraordinarily offensive, and right then and there basically ensured that there would be, that there would for the rest of our relationship forever be an imbalance. I rejected all hookups as I wanted sex to be only for those I loved. Whereas she had a bunch of hookups, loved all of it, and then settled for me, who she basically implied was a downgrade. She thinks it's absolutely insane that I leave her over this, but I personally can't fathom staying. I mean, to put it quite bluntly, I felt like the biggest bitch after she said that in front of her friends. I think the relationship and the one you want to spend the rest of your life with should be the fun part.
[4:56] Why would I want to stay? Can I get this? Sorry, I have a, of course, I have an iPhone that is taking up the screen here. All right, let me save this as. Why would she want to stay... Sorry, why would I want to stay in what has basically become an entirely one-sided relationship where she's reminiscing on the fun she had while I'm actively trying to make those great memories with her?
[5:30] That's a fine question. That's a fine question.
[5:39] I'm sorry, but F that. Why should I be happy knowing that other guys got the super fun wild times with her after knowing her for a couple of hours, whereas I, the guy who's giving her my absolute 100%, gets the mediocre tired version? How am I supposed to feel like I'm not putting in 10 times the effort as these other guys, yet receiving one-tenth in return? Like I'm sorry, but I simply find that way of thinking simply incompatible with a long-term relationship, especially as someone who has never and will never give myself sexually to someone casually. I just feel like there would always be a major imbalance. I mean, what's done is done already, but I'd love to know if this is an overreaction or not. Edit. It's not just about the sex. It's about how she views it. She's had her fun. Now she wants to settle down with me. I don't agree with that. I think the relationship is the fun part. I think getting in a relationship is when the fun should start ramping up. And get more exciting, she obviously thinks the exact opposite.
[6:42] So, I'm curious, what do you think of this? Oh yes, shop.freedomain.com, thank you James. shop.freedomain.com, Get your riz and your merch and your swag for Christmas at shop.freedomain.com.
[7:10] Somebody says, oh, James, I'm glad I was settled with you after riding the carousel for a decade. Right. And what do you think? Somebody says, she's clearly not comfortable with the idea of being honest and open with the guy. She's essentially telling him he's not fun while avoiding being honest. Well, it's his fault for going for the party girl. He's going for the hot party girl and then he's shocked that she's used up. All right, let us go and speak. Let us speak frankly now for the hour is getting late. Frank, if you want to unmute, I'm happy to hear what's on your mind.
[7:50] It's only tangentially related to the topic you're talking about.
[7:54] Tangentially related is my middle name. So go for it.
[7:58] Well, I was thinking about conversations I've had where people have justified the communist revolution with sort of vague assertions that feudalism under the Tsar was so completely terrible. And then I read something in, it's a note from, notes from the underground by Dostoevsky. There's a French phrase meaning right as a lord referring to the right of the feudal lord when one of his serfs married to spend the first night with the bride.
[8:32] You know that's a myth though, right?
[8:33] That's a myth?
[8:34] Yeah, that's not a real thing.
[8:35] Okay. I mean, what I was interested in, I guess, or wondering about, because you actually have read the history, I don't know anything, and usually the people I'm talking to about this also don't know anything, but is there a steel man case against the Tsarist system before communism?
[8:54] Well, compared to what? Compared to communism? Absolutely. I mean, if you read Dostoevsky and the big one, Notes from the Underground is creepy and good, but the big one to read, I've never read really a better novel, except maybe Atlas Shroik, is Crime and Punishment. So in Crime and Punishment, they, um, Porfiry, I think his name is, the, um, prosecuting policeman, the detective, he's convinced that Raskolnikov killed, but he can't prove it. And so he has to leave him be. He has to leave him until he confesses, right? And so if you look at the restraint of that legal system.
[9:38] That is pretty wild compared to the absolute hellscape of the Gulag archipelago that is described by Solzhenitsyn in his terrifying series of books on just how absolutely brutal and sadistic it all was to have the communists in charge of the legal system. And we can see, of course, this happening as the communists begin to take over the legal systems of the West. There is a massive amount of sympathy for criminals and anybody, I think somebody in the States, who defended himself against being marked an elderly fellow with a gun that was unlicensed, is now going to jail for four years because he used an unlicensed weapon to protect himself. So it's sort of like before and after, I talked about this in my documentary on Hong Kong, before and after...
[10:32] The Chinese took over, sorry, the communists took over in China. There were very complex, multi-generational contracts and leases and land ownership and reciprocal agreements and all of this kind of stuff. And so if you're going to compare the legal system before and after, it's night and day. It went from, I mean, obviously somewhat corrupt. I mean, Dosteftly himself was arrested for socialism and was locked in a jail cell. And the big theory was that if you sat in silence and darkness, you would confront your own conscience and become a better person. So even the guards would wear felt on the bottom of their shoes as they walked up and down. So you couldn't hear anything. He was in there for quite some time and then he was dragged out about to be executed. And then his sentence was commuted to, I think, 10 years in Siberia where he wrote notes from the house of the dead, or memoirs from the house of the dead.
[11:29] And that's not just, that's not right, that's not fair, of course, right? But compared to what came afterwards, it was night and day. The number of people under the czar executed over a 50-year period was about one to two days of those executed for political reasons under the communists. So it went from a dysfunctional but vaguely just system to an absolute tyranny
[11:59] of mass torture and murder under the communists. So I don't, I mean, it's not a steel man case relative to a free society to talk about the czarist system, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came after.
[12:17] Yeah, I think that that's generally what I've suspected. And I think a lot of people engage in just basic, I don't like the word, but just basic denialism. They are willfully ignorant of the mass atrocities that happened under communism.
[12:44] Don't underestimate the number of people who want to die, it's been too hard living but i'm afraid to die right i mean don't i remember being quite shocked by this when i was younger when i first sort of really thought about it like people who want communism they want to die people like there's this um sort of famous thread or this photo of two young female socialists in Iran who were cheering the mullahs taking over in the Iranian revolution in 1979. One of them was slaughtered and one of them was sent off, had to flee. And I think she lives in Sweden or something like that, where I guess she's getting deja vu. The communists refer to the leftists, like the democratic socialists, they refer to them as useful idiots. And what happens is when the communists take over, they generally kill those people. Because if those people betrayed the prior system, they will betray the current system. And so they go on a massive flamethrower clean out of all the people who betrayed the prior system.
[14:04] And so there are a lot of people who are half in love with easeful death, or what Freud would call a thanatos, the death instinct. They don't want to live. These are the people who, they gamble and get in debt to the organized crime because they don't want to live. They take crazy risks with like motorcycles and wingsuits because they don't want to live.
[14:30] They gain weight like crazy because they don't want to live. Or hang on so there's just a whole whole bunch of things that people do they um they they take edge case scenarios of overdosing with drugs because they don't want to live, and there are a lot of people who don't like living but don't want to admit to themselves that they want to die and therefore what they do is they put themselves in situations of significant danger. Women do this as well. Women who were suicidal tend to be very promiscuous and sooner or later, like the looking for Mr. Goodbar scenario, sooner or later, some guy is just going to beat him up or they put themselves in dangerously. They go to like wild parties in the worst sections of town and they're just, whether it's self-punishment or self-loathing or an inner alter from the parents that's telling them that they're not worth living, there's a significant portion of the population that, I mean, it could be smoking, it could be excessive drinking, it could be drunk driving. They don't want to live. And it's so, so to me, the people who are ignoring what has been going on in the realm of communism and are cheering it along for whatever, I mean, they're just like, okay, so I don't view you as having any political ideology. I just view you as somebody who doesn't, who doesn't want to live. Sorry, go ahead.
[15:59] Oh, that just stands to reason on another level. All the people in my own life who I've known to endorse communism either do not have children or have no intention of having children. So it's not just that they don't want to live, they want on a larger level to cease to exist. I guess I'm repeating myself, but...
[16:23] Well, and this also happens with regards to sexual activity as well. So people, let's say women, who nobody wants to mate with, will side with an invading army. Because if their genes aren't going to reproduce in the current, this is why it's so important for people to get paired off and have children. Because really weird things happen to people's minds when they don't reproduce. Because it's so much against this constant chain of being for four billion years. People get very weird. And you sort of see this heat map of like out group preference versus in-group preference. So if you are rejected by the men or the women in your current social situation, then you will side with the outsiders. Like if there's an invading army that promises, let's say you're in some Roman province and you're a slave and you're not allowed to reproduce, and some invading army is coming along and is going to free you from slavery, you're going to fight against your slave owner with the invading army because it's your only chance to reproduce.
[17:33] And so when I look at things like, you know, like the really dangerous mass immigration, I'm not saying it's conscious, but I think it comes a lot from, and in particular from women, that nobody wants to have children with. And so they're like, their genes are like, okay, but if we're rejected, we got to survive, we got to survive. So if we're rejected by, the society that we're in, we need to bring people in who will allow us to reproduce. And I think there's a lot of that kind of stuff going on, which is,
[18:08] you know, kind of tragic, but kind of inevitable. When you don't have pair bonding that's occurring for the majority of people, society is not long for this world.
[18:20] Yeah. Have you read The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis?
[18:28] I have not.
[18:29] Okay. I see a lot of what's happening, and I'm going to oversimplify one of the core ideas, but he talks about people being controlled, or not controlled, but operating through their intellect, their heart and their loins. And the conceit or the central premise of the book is that in taking out all these traditional ideas like chivalry and so on from our cultural traditions and making them relativistic, it's almost like we're taking out the heart or central agency of the soul. And what's left is just the intellect and the loins that sort of cartwheel over each other or something like that. And so what you're describing with women unconsciously bringing on this almost like rape of Nan King scenario, it's like there's the gene is trying to express itself, trying to get something done. And meanwhile, the intellect is just this pinwheel up on the head that's justifying it in various ways or going completely around it and inventing things to avoid that reality.
[19:45] Yeah, if you want to overturn a society, you just work as hard as you possibly can to destroy pair bonding through hypersexuality, through pornography, through the welfare state, by turning men against women and turning women against men. You simply destroy the pair bond and then people don't have kids. And then when people don't have kids, they will side with whatever system is going to replace the existing system because it's their only chance to have kids. So you breed traitors through sterility, if that makes sense.
[20:18] Yeah. And, well, what do you think happens with people who can no longer have kids? Do you think that some form of, because I think about this with antinatalists, where, I mean, this is a pretty unvarnished thought, but I think that they should kill themselves if they're true to their own belief system. But they seem to insist on sticking around and propagating their ideas and making as many people like them as possible. It's almost like spreading a disease.
[20:51] Well, I think that the antinatalists would say that they do want to spread the word about antinatalism, which is why they sort of stick around and do that, if that makes sense.
[21:08] Oh, no, I get that. But I think the sticking around to do that, I think it's a, um, I think it's like an inverted rather than a generative or productive instinct. It's almost like a, uh, a destructive one. Like you, you won't kill yourself or you, you, it's like this urge to just,
[21:30] I mean, just to put it simply, just to damage other people. Um, just cause if you can't reproduce, if that, if that's like cut off to you, say, uh, your fertility windows completely eclipsed, um, I mean, you have to be extremely charitable, I think, to be motivated, uh, towards generative activity. Yeah.
[21:55] Sorry, can you explain that a bit more?
[21:59] I guess I'm just wondering about the destructive instinct in people. I think that if you are closed off from generative or productive activity, and maybe this is like a false dichotomy that I'm creating in my mind, but I think that there's a destructive or maybe thanatos or whatever instinct that would come in instead. Um... Hmm. I guess, so I've read some of the Lloyd DeMauw stuff, The Origin of War and Child Abuse, and it's like there's the urge to replicate the harm that's been done unto you, unto others as a release valve. And so if you have rendered yourself infertile, there might be an instinct like a comfort in the herd-like instinct or maybe even a revenge instinct upon the rest of society to make other people like you, to make everyone else infertile like you.
[23:09] I think that is an aspect to it. And I don't want to say I have some final answer, but these are sort of the way that I would maybe supplement that thought a little bit. So, antinatalists are fundamentally angry at their own parents, which is why they don't want to become parents, because they hate their parents. And their parents wished they weren't there. Their parents, you know, there's a lot of parents out there who want their children dead. Again, maybe we're just going to do the dark passage. But, I mean, my mom hated her children. And I don't remember her ever. She said, you know, I hate these effing kids. She'd say that. But I don't think she ever, you know, I wish you were dead. I don't think she, but I've certainly talked to people over the course of doing this show for 20 years that their parents are like, yeah, I wish you'd never been born. My life would be so much better without you. Like, there's a lot of parents. Who really hate their children and want them dead. Or, oh yeah, James says, my parents seem not to want me around at all. Yeah, like my mother had this fantasy that she was going to be like Grace Kelly and she'd be on the red carpet. And if it wasn't for these kids and she could get a great guy and like we were in the way, we were standing between her and the great life that she wanted.
[24:31] And there are a lot of people who, again, I'm not saying it's obviously not a majority, but there's a lot of people out there numerically who want their kids to not be there, who just wake up every day and are annoyed that their children are around and just feel like they could just be doing so many more better things. And if it wasn't for you goddamn kids, I would be, you know, so much happier. I'd be so much better. And this is particularly true for single moms. Because single moms, I mean, deep down, they know for a fact that one of the reasons they can't get a quality guy is because they have a child. I mean, you know, this girl, she meets this guy, and then she eventually has to say that she has a kid, and she sees the light go out.
[25:27] Just the light goes out. And she's like, I can't, you know, and my mother would keep guys away for as long as possible and, you know, grip me by the arms and tell me to be cooperative when the guys would come over and not to be any trouble and not to say this and not to say that. And so we were in the way. And it's, it's, it's kind of a, so what does that do to people? If your parents don't want you around or view you as an inconvenience, your parents don't take pleasure in your life, in your existence, in your thoughts, in your jokes, you're just expensive and smelly, you know, teen boys, right? And inconvenient and she can't travel and she's got to work and right. All of this kind of stuff. Right. And I mean, it happens sometimes as well with fathers, but it happens less with fathers than with mothers because fathers can just, I mean, that's what deadbeat dads do, right? Deadbeat dads are, my kids are dead to me. Like the ones who just despawn, they just vanish, right? My kids are dead to me.
[26:44] And of course people get mad at their be dads but hey man just like the woman who's having an abortion he's just doing what's best for him right so when i meet someone who's you know really kind of messed up who just has like the strong determinists don't believe in free will at all uh they're communists or fascists or you know heavy socialists or anti-natalists and this kind of stuff. I'm just like, I can see that this.
[27:15] This hatred or indifference or hostility of the parents towards the children is just kind of showing up in their life as a whole. And it's rough, man. It's rough. If you've ever sort of stared down, it literally feels like a gun barrel, like these two eyes, two black eyes, like a doll's eyes, right? These two black eyes, like a shotgun. If you've just, if you've stared down parental hatred in your life, it fundamentally reshapes who you are. It changes who you are at the bone marrow level, because you are living with a predator who doesn't want you around.
[27:58] And all of your life is changed by that. You start to spend a lot of time away from home. You start to get, I mean, I had three jobs, partly because I needed the money and partly because I just didn't want to be home. You know, I'd go and a friend of mine had a family. They shared a cottage with another family. It was a real rundown kind of place, but I'd go up there, man, I'd work. I helped move their outhouse. I would chop wood, you know, help build things. Just, hey, man, I'm available, right? Went with another friend of mine to another cottage. I spent the whole day digging a well among like facefuls of bugs in like 34 degree celsius weather just crazy hot muggy and bugs and it was like it's better than being home um my brother and i built a tree house and we would uh sometimes together sometimes alone we just sort of climb up and hang out at the tree that's way better than being home so it's like having a toxic mold at home you just can't spend.
[29:00] You can't spend too long there. And nobody cares. Like you're an oddball kid usually in those situations and nobody cares. And so this sort of parental hatred of children, again, I'm not saying it's common, obviously, right? But hostility, frustration, negativity. I mean, let me ask you guys, we got lots of people watching here. Let me ask you guys, right? So it's more than just sort of my anecdotal stuff. Okay. So if you look at sort of your time as a child and the time you spent with your parents, what percentage of the time your parents spent with you, were they very happy to spend with you? For my mother, I would say probably about five, about 5% of the time she was happy. And, you know, especially when I started to write, one of the reasons why I did start to write is that my mother really enjoyed my writing and it reminded her of her own father and her own brothers who were all famous writers. And so tell me this, what percentage? Now, I'm not saying she wasn't like telling me how much she hated me for 95%. I'm not saying that, But in terms of like being happy that you're around, percentage of time parents enjoyed spending time with you.
[30:24] And I would say, and I've tried to reverse that. I've tried to be like 90, 95% of the time with my daughter is, is great. It's just great.
[30:36] And so. Yeah, I'm just, 5% seems high for you. Well, if you don't have anything that your parents particularly, right? But, and again, I know that there's a lot of people here who had, so this is not anything scientific, but I'm just curious what percentage of the time when your parents were around you, were they thrilled and happy to be there? You know, laughing and hugging and like positive and, okay, my mom didn't really laugh and hug too, too much. But there were certainly times when she enjoyed spending time with me, but it was probably about 5%. Jared, 0.5%. Because in general, your parents should enjoy spending time with you. I mean, isn't that sort of why you'd become parents? Because you want to spend time with your kids? I mean it wouldn't make much sense to get married to someone you didn't want to spend time with right, someone says, oh that's you didn't you have something about feed pics last time all right so.
[31:53] Yeah, 5% seems high, single digits, 0% for my mom, 100% for my dad. Sounds similar for my wife, 0.5%. It was a fairly high percentage. That's great to hear. They supported a lot of my activities included themselves. Let's say 75%. That's wonderful. Like, that's great. I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled for that. I'm thrilled for that. But I would say that most times my mother was not particularly happy when I came home. I remember, what was it? I remember. Oh yeah, there was a bar called The Edge. I still remember the title, Rock Takes a Blow as The Edge Closes Doors. There was a bar called The Edge. I was in a writing class for grade 13 students when I was in grade eight. In grade eight, I was.
[32:51] 12 or 13 and I was in classes for 18 year olds. And I guess some of them, so we went to a bar on the last night and it was my first time in a bar, really. I mean, I went as a kid, but that was just like British garden bar stuff. And I remember when I came home, my mom was really angry and I opened the door, she smacked me across the face because she was upset that I, because there were no cell phones back then and all of that. But yeah, I don't remember her enjoying my company much. And I do remember, I really do very clearly remember that she seemed kind of annoyed and negative when I was home.
[33:37] And that's tough. You know, if you have a very selfish person, and I mean, in my mother's case, just a very, very broken person, just a very broken person. And again, sort of knowing what I know now about her war experiences, which I certainly didn't know until relatively recently, as a very, very broken person, it's really tough. It's really tough to enjoy family life when you don't enjoy the people in it. And it's a real, it's a real shame. So, yeah, there are a lot of people out there whose parents didn't take pleasure in their company, and the way that you experience that as a child, I mean, it's different for everyone, I think, but the way I think most people experience that as a child.
[34:24] Is they say, chuckles, I'm in danger, they say, I better not be much of a problem. So when you're young right through the latency period after the terrible twos but before the teen storms there's latency period which is kind of calm and you say i better i'd be gone a lot i better not i better not be too much trouble because when parents withhold pleasure in your company or they don't experience or express pleasure in your company you're hanging by a thread literally mean that you spend your entire childhood hanging by a thread what if they turn hunting and don't come back? Or what if they go follow the buffalo ass over the plane and forget me behind? Or what if they don't protect me? Like, so you just like, I better not be, I better not be any trouble. And you know, this is why people say, oh, he's so shy. It's like, no, he's not. People aren't shy as a whole. People aren't shy. They're just scared.
[35:28] Chris says about 10% on average, sometimes a bit more or less, depending on the stage of life. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So again, I can't speak for girls, but for boys, you, you fold yourself out of existence to take up as little space as humanly possible, and to not be noticed because to be noticed is to draw attention. You're basically hunted by your parents' narcissism throughout all the halls and holes of your hovel. And so you kind of fold yourself into nothing and you creep by and you don't make much noise and you have silent, you put the headphones on, you do silent things, you're out a lot, but you can't be out too much because then you just treat this place like a hotel, blah, blah, blah, right? And then when you hit your teenage years and you begin to reorient yourself more towards your peers, then you can start to let rip your frustration and your anger because you're just not as dependent, right? The moment you become less dependent on your parents, your true feelings or your true emotions will come out usually. And this is what a lot of the teen storms are all about.
[36:39] Somebody says, I recognize that there was light at the end of the tunnel when I get older and can move out after high school. So I kept my head down, played by their rules, where I could until then. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. And you have to make a tough decision, man. When your parents don't like you, you have to make a very tough decision, which is either they're right and you are worthless, or you're not worthless and they're selfish assholes. Like, I mean, it's more sophisticated when you get older, but that's kind of the essence of it when you're that little. Like, when someone hates you, only one of you can be right. I mean, I guess you could both be hateful, but kids can't be hateful, right? They can only be injured. So if your parents don't like you or don't take pleasure in your existence. They don't light up when you come in the room and all of that, right? And either they're right and you're not interesting, not vital,
[37:51] not energetic, not charismatic, not enjoyable to spend time with. Or you are those things or have the potential to be those things and they're just kind of selfish and withholding jerks.
[38:04] And how you resolve that decision is literally how the rest of your life goes. That fork in the road, right? If your parents don't treat you well, either you're deserving of being treated poorly, or they're assholes for treating you poorly. Right? And how you fall on that fork in the road, which way you take? Do you take okay we can be nicer and saying they're not jerks or I mean kind of they are but we can just say you know they they don't have the capacity to to love me in the way that I deserve to be loved and I'm a good person but um my parents can't see it and they're too selfish or wrapped up in their own problem whatever you can be as nice although I don't think being too nice is particularly helpful but you can be relatively not condemning about this kind of stuff, but it's the old thing. Like it's, it's not my fault that my mother went through the war.
[39:07] It's not my fault that my mother couldn't laugh. It's not my fault that my mother had an eruptive temper and was violent. It's not my fault. I didn't cause that. I didn't make that. I didn't go back through some Terminator time machine through a portal and encourage the people who started the First and Second World War to do more of whatever the terrible things that they were doing. I didn't cause any of that. I didn't make a society wherein children can be rampantly abused in full auditory hearing of hundreds of people and nobody lifts a finger. I didn't make that. I didn't choose to not help children, a child who was being abused. In fact, I've chosen to help adult children of victims of child abuse consistently, and I might add, at extraordinarily high personal cost from time to time. So I didn't make the world. I didn't make the wars. I didn't make my mother's choices. I didn't create communism. I didn't cause the Russian tanks to roll into Berlin. I didn't do any of that. I'm just trying to survive the crumbling catastrophe known as the 20th century West as best I can.
[40:20] Wasn't me. Wasn't my fault. And you, you know, I know it's, it's odd. You know, it's an odd thing because it's your parents. Again, you're staring at these two shotgun holes of hatred, contempt, hostility. I could be anything if it wasn't for you goddamn kids. And you have to look at that. And it's a wild thing. But it's a life-saving thing. I'll tell you that straight up. It's a life-saving thing. Just don't take it personally.
[40:52] Just don't take it personally. My mother didn't hate me. Your parents didn't hate you. They hated the circumstances. They hated their choices. Maybe they hated their spouse. Maybe they hated their job. Maybe they hated their own cowardice. Maybe they just externalized it. But it's funny because when your mother, if your mother looks at you and says, I hate you.
[41:16] You have to detach from that and say, it's not personal. I know because it kind of feels kind of feels personal. This is the furnace that forged you in flesh, right? But you know, I hate you. It's not personal. It's not about you. It wasn't about me. It's not, it's not personal. I mean, it's like trolling, right? Trolling is not people, oh, I hate Stef. It's like, no, you don't. You don't. I'm delightful. I'm a lovely guy. But if they see me being courageous, maybe they hate their own cowardice or, Or maybe they are people who are dependent upon the government and you're talking about freedom and then they, you know, they view you as like trying to burn down their crops right before winter or something like that. But, you know, I'm telling you, man, don't take it personally. They don't, my mother didn't judge me or think about me or care about me or evaluate me independent of her own moods, right? It didn't happen. And I'm sure that it was the same with you as well.
[42:24] No, I don't think so. I don't think she did hate you. It's not personal. Children are not to be hated. Certainly not by their own parents. It's not about that.
[42:42] It's not about that. As somebody says, one of the worst things for a child to believe is to believe that they aren't accepted or liked for just being themselves by their parents. It can become a life of coping and avoiding your emotions. Well, do your parents have credibility or not? Okay, let's do another quiz here. Another question. Minus 10 to plus 10, your parents have no credibility. Minus 10, like really negative credibility, you'll do the opposite because there's so unwise. Minus 10 to plus 10. What kind of credibility do your parents have for you or with you? Right? What do they, um, what do they have for you? Uh, somebody says, uh, no one in my family enjoy spending time with the other. Everyone goes to their own room. Also tragically common. Also tragically common. Minus 10 to plus. Parents' credibility.
[44:02] James says, minus 10. We've got a minus 8. Minus 2, they had some things right. That's good. That's certainly better. It's negative, but it's better than minus 8.
[44:26] But you don't want to just let it accumulate, you know, like sand being washed up on the beach. You don't want to let your parents' perspectives just accumulate on you, either if they're overly praising or if they're overly negative. And I'm not sure which one is actually worse in the long run is over praising or over negative.
[44:45] But you do have to, you know, one of the things that happens when you become yourself or an adult or independent or.
[44:58] Individuated is you judge your parents' judgment. It's really, really important. You judge your parents' judgment. My father and I never got along, but that's because, and it wasn't because he didn't like me or anything like that. It's just because I'm a truth teller and bro had some bad things on his conscience and didn't want me to say them, because he was struggling with depression a lot over the course of his life. And my honesty would not have helped with that, to put it mildly, right? Chris says, zero, it's a mixed bag, which I find makes their advice confusing. So if they sometimes give good advice and sometimes give bad advice, well, then they're just like a blindfolded, they're just like a blindfolded person at a mini golf place. You know, sometimes they get good shots in, but it's just a coincidence. I had the oddest coincidence the other day, just by the by, while I'm waiting for some feedback here. I had some odd...
[46:01] An odd coincidence. I had a dream where I was trying to get away and I jumped into a car, but the seat was jammed. Do you ever have this? My wife is like all of five foot one and a half or five foot two. And so if I get into the car, if she's used it, if I get into the car without, moving the seat back, I'm eating my knees, right? And I had a dream. I had a dream. I was trying to get away from some beast or monster and I jumped into a car, but I couldn't get my feet. You know, they were too tight. I couldn't get them to the gas. It was all very exciting. And then, um, I was, uh, thinking about something. I got into the car and, and foolishly forgetting the last 23 years of marriage, I just sat in the car eating my knees again. And it was kind of funny how that happened, um, right after I had the dream. And of course it's interesting, right? Oh my God, it's a promonition. No, no, it's just, you know, you think about all of the, um, uh, you think about all of the dreams that don't come true. Right. But this one was just like, I had the dream and then I'm like, oh my God, this is out of my dream. It was kind of, it's a neat coincidence, right? Let's see here.
[47:12] Somebody asks me, what was your dad's childhood like, Stef? I don't know. I know he went to boarding school. I know that his father was a drunk. We'd had the same lands in Ireland for like a thousand years, honestly. I came over with William the Conqueror in 1066. we'd hit the same, And 900 years later, I was born. We'd had the same lands in Ireland for thousands of years, a thousand years, sorry, almost a thousand years. And then we had a grandfather who was a big drunk. Now his drunkenness, maybe it was genetic, biological, but it also could have come out of the fact that the male side of my family was wiped out in successive ways. In the first world war, it was absolutely brutal. It was like a total Saving Private Ryan scenario.
[48:03] And so there was a huge just sledgehammer blow that eviscerated the males out of my family first world war and second world war and my father was in boarding school and then he later sent me to boarding school but only for a couple of years because then he apparently ran out of money and i had to leave boarding school which you know in hindsight boarding school was actually not too bad for me because it gave me some male influences who were who had some authority because it's one of the last holdouts from male authorities, like English boarding schools probably has changed now. And I actually went some years ago, I went back to the website and they're like, they don't use corporal punishment anymore. Missed by that much. Was your dad affected by the war too? Not really, because remember in, we were, well, you wouldn't know this necessarily, but we were in Southern Ireland, our lands were in Southern Ireland and Southern Ireland was neutral during the second world war and was not bombed and so on, right? So it was not like the bombs are raining down on him like in London. Um, somebody says, my mother hates me and treated me horribly, but I don't want to be left out of the will. So I visit her in the nursing home. Is that just fake or strategic? Hmm.
[49:22] I mean, I can't, obviously, I can't answer that. It's not evil. I mean, if you're lying a lot, then that's not great. And it's gonna, you know, you may not enjoy the money if you get it through subterfuge. I was certainly offered stuff in my father's will, but I, no thanks, no thanks. I do not want, do not want. Oh, James says, I tried to fit into a friend's car that was originally built for Japanese people from the mid-90s. I did not actually fit. Yeah, James is a stretch Titanic when it comes to long length. All right. Oh, so we've got somebody who says with regards to parental credibility, plus five or plus six probably. I think they believed they were acting in my best interest and were always there when I needed them. That is great. That's lovely to hear. Good for you. Or good for them too.
[50:11] All right. That's strange, says Rose. I thought your name is French. I did not see Ireland being part of your history. Well, Molyneux is the French name, but we're part of the William the Conqueror, Battle of Hastings, where the French came over in 1066 and took over a lot of England. So that's where the French side of things comes from in my family tree. There's actually a whole Molyneux society. Like, I'm not kidding. There's a newsletter like the Molyneux. Well, famous/infamous now, right?
[50:52] Oh, sorry, Frank. Oh, I would do a long show tonight because I've done like seven hours of work or eight hours of philosophy today. Frank, is there anything else that you, sorry, I'm yawning so rude. Did you have anything else that you wanted to mention?
[51:04] No, I mean, there's a couple things that what you were saying made me think about earlier. You mentioned how people get so upset about if you talk about freedom or criticize people on welfare or something like that. And, you know, you mentioned the way they might be directly benefiting from these systems, but there's, so on a recent show, you talked about how you think that the ring in Lord of the Rings represents sophistry, but Owen Benjamin has said that in his point of view, the ring represents a victim identity or victim status. You know you get rewards from that you get social benefits from being a victim but over time it starts to uh take away from your whole life or you know turn all of them and so forth but.
[51:54] But victimhood and sophistry are kind of two sides of the same coin because if you can get resources through trade you don't need to be a sophist and you don't need to lie and manipulate but um if you portray yourself as a victim, then you need sophistry to make people feel guilty and manipulate them that way.
[52:13] Yeah, yeah. But no, I didn't really have anything else to say other than that. I just recently acquired a physical copy of your book, Real-Time Relationships. I'm reading. Very, very interesting. I wanted to say I like, I don't know if this is the intent, but I like the way that it's laid out where there's lots of spacing between the sentences. It seems like it's almost designed in a way for the reader to fill in notes underneath of anything that comes to their mind as they're going through it.
[52:43] Yeah, I wanted to leave some margins for notes, and so I'm glad that that's noted and working.
[52:50] Yeah. But that's all. Thank you.
[52:51] All right. Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. All right. Always such a pleasure to chat. I love, love this. I love this audience. I know everyone's like, I love being here in Seattle. Right. But I do. I love you guys as an audience. It's really delightful to have these kinds of conversations. So Ken Burns has a new documentary out on the American Revolution. Adam Johnson writes, less than three minutes into the Ken Burns documentary on the American Revolution, and we get one, white people are bad. Two, Native Americans had a centuries-old democracy before British colonists arrived. Three, Benjamin Franklin copied the Native American blueprint. He thinks he got the Constitution for the Native Americans.
[53:35] Oh, my gosh. Absolutely wild. Oh, excuse me. I've got to stop. Absolutely wild. All right. It's just crazy. I mean, of course, comes out of PBS, right? So that's all just... Jarrett Stepman says, that stupid myth about Ben Franklin saying that the Constitution, was based on the Iroquois Confederacy was literally invented by an unattributed line from a John Rutledge biography from the 1960s. There's no merit in it. Typical Ken Burns.
[54:06] It is wild watching Megyn Kelly and Mark Levin go at it to tooth and nail. It is just fascinating. Oh, I could do a whole show on all of that, but I won't, but I won't, but I won't. The noble savage myth is the most annoying of all. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, but the noble savage is the yearning of people who can't compete for a non-meritocracy, right? So, if there's a big population in raw meritocracy, very few people succeed huge, a lot of people succeed medium, and a small number of people don't succeed. And so, if you're failing in a meritocracy, you have a fantasy of the noble savage stuff where there was no meritocracy in the way that the sort of raw free market does. I mean, there's a little bit of a meritocracy, like who's the better guy at throwing the spear at the deer or whatever, right? But you want to flatten. You have this fantasy of a flattened meritocracy or a non-meritocracy. When you can't compete and you can't win, you fantasize about the government giving you resources, of course, right? And you You fantasize about...
[55:31] There being no meritocracy and the noble savage, the dream that boy in the old days, well, you'd get assigned your wife or your girlfriend. It's the same thing with like people who want arranged marriages. I mean, Brad Pitt doesn't want to arrange marriages, although he might've done better than with Angelina Jolie, who I read was actually hired a hitman to kill her. When she was 22, she hired a hitman to kill her. She's crazy. And so the noble savage is the yearning for a world where you didn't have to compete and you couldn't lose and it comes out of depression it comes out of i don't think i think most people can compete in something uh and it's like um if you want to become a socialist you know be born wealthy and fail and if you want to become a capitalist be born poor and succeed right because upward mobility has you respect. Meritocracy, downward mobility has you yearn for the noble savage and an almighty government that's going to prevent you from falling too far. Love from California. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Hello from San Diego. Happy to see you back on YouTube. Yeah, it's nice. It's nice. Love you too. Thank you. 13. Retonian. Retonian. All right. Any other last questions, issues, comments, challenges, problems?
[56:51] Whatever is on your brain can be shared in the ether.
[56:56] Uh, so Friday, don't forget Sunday morning. I go off to work on Monday morning. Tuesdays, I go off to honeymoon. So we'll be doing a call and show Sunday morning. And don't forget shop.freedomain.com. Don't forget, um, freedomain.com/call. You want to set up some calls. December's coming up. Christmas time is coming up. If you've got family stuff or anything that you want to chat about. I'm happy to help. And I will shut down tonight. I love you guys so much. Sorry for such a short show. But hope to do a paid call in next week after 10 years of listening. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving Day? I'm in Canada. So yes, I do, but not at the same time, of course, as Americans.
[57:44] Somebody says, you said one time that you don't need to have a middle class lifestyle to get married and start a family. But looking back on how both my grandfather bought poverty to my father's family of origin and my father has done the same to mine growing up. How do I have the guarantee to not do the same to the family I want to create? Learn how to negotiate, provide maximum value and spend less than you make. Learn how to negotiate, always aim to provide maximum value. Like, you know, when I do the private call-in shows, you know, like at least halfway through, at least three times over a two-hour call-in show, I'm like, is this the most helpful thing? Is there anything else that I can do that's providing more value? I check at the end of it and all of that. So someone says, oh, I thought about Thanksgiving, but sometimes you mention American things. So I was hoping you moved. Yeah, well, we'll see. We'll see. All right. Thanks everyone so much. Have a beautiful night, my friends. Lots of love from up here. I'll talk to you soon.
Support the show, using a variety of donation methods
Support the show
