0:00 - Morning Conversations
0:15 - Struggling with Motivation
1:35 - Exploring Relationships
2:26 - Business Ventures and Challenges
4:51 - YouTube Channel Aspirations
7:11 - The Gift of Gab
8:14 - Partner's Work Life
8:30 - Financial Struggles
12:10 - Retirement Concerns
13:22 - Reflections on Life Choices
19:28 - First Marriage Reflections
29:31 - Family Patterns
29:40 - Parental Influences
32:07 - Father’s Absence
48:01 - Bad Choices and Regrets
52:09 - Taking Responsibility
59:30 - Second Marriage Insights
1:01:59 - Understanding Attraction to Bad Boys
1:04:29 - Easy Paths and Shortcuts
1:07:15 - Dating and Relationships
1:09:15 - Red Flags and Character
1:10:48 - Business Ventures and Challenges
1:15:14 - YouTube Dreams
1:31:00 - The Odds of Success
1:34:41 - Navigating YouTube Competition
1:37:44 - Risks of Entrepreneurship
1:43:42 - The Reality of Earnings
1:47:06 - Starting a YouTube Channel
1:51:25 - The Cost of Opportunity
1:56:19 - Alternatives to YouTube
1:59:04 - The Long Shot
2:07:44 - Listening to Good Counsel
2:10:01 - Moving Forward with Clarity
The radio show features a deep and introspective conversation between the host, Stefan, and a caller who is facing various personal and entrepreneurial challenges. The episode begins with a brief check-in where the caller expresses a sense of being in a rut, which they attribute to losing motivation over the past few years. They mention their history as a go-getter and strong motivator, highlighting a stark contrast to their current emotional state.
As the discussion progresses, the caller reveals they are 58 years old, have been involved in a business partnership that has faced significant hurdles, including the impact of COVID-19. They initially sought to pursue entrepreneurship by launching a YouTube channel, driven by a passion for creating content, specifically focusing on a "top 10" format. However, the caller struggles with motivation, admitting to a loss of energy and drive, which affects their ability to complete and launch videos. The caller reflects on their past relationships, including two marriages that ended in turmoil, and discusses the patterns of choosing partners who were ultimately not good matches, such as an alcoholic partner who negatively impacted their finances.
Stefan offers insights into the emotional and psychological ramifications of the caller's past decisions, suggesting that their difficulty with motivation could stem from unresolved issues related to their financial and relationship history. He probes into the caller's entrepreneurial ambitions, cautioning them about the challenging landscape of YouTube, where competition is fierce, and emphasizes the need for a strategic plan to ensure success in this new venture.
As the conversation unfolds, the host and caller analyze the odds of succeeding in the YouTube space, highlighting the overwhelming competition and the harsh realities of monetization on the platform. The caller is encouraged to reconsider their approach, as personal passion alone may not be sufficient without grounded planning and realistic expectations. Stefan emphasizes the importance of combining creativity with a solid business strategy, directly addressing the emotional and financial stakes involved in pursuing this new direction.
In the latter part of the show, the caller expresses uncertainty and a desire to seek clarity on their future direction. Stefan encourages self-reflection and the importance of emotional health as key factors in moving forward productively. He concludes the conversation by emphasizing the necessity of aligning personal ambitions with the realities of the entrepreneurial world, urging the caller to balance their creative aspirations with the pragmatism required for success. The show wraps with an invitation for the caller to keep Stefan updated on their progress, signifying a supportive and continuing dialogue.
[0:00] Good morning.
[0:00] Good morning. How are you doing?
[0:02] And how are you?
[0:04] I'm well. I'm well. Sorry we didn't connect in 2022, but I'm all ears now. If you want to get started, then tell me what's going on. Just don't forget to stay off names and places, please.
[0:16] Okay. Well, you know, it's just this is a whole different thing for me dealing with like just being really kind of down because I've always been such a motivated person, you know, to where, you know, I was a go-getter and just passionate about everything. So in the last couple of years especially, I've just been in a really bad rut. And I've never reached out to people because I am such a private person. And I don't share my personal stuff with other people.
[0:52] Well, we can fix that today.
[0:56] Well you know my partner has you know we he's been listening to you for years and i he's turned me on to you to you and i'm you know i enjoy listening to your podcast, and so this is just you know i guess just to try and figure out what's going on and where i where i lost my motivation you know and and that because this is like i said it's something i've never experience before i've never been a down or depressed person i'm always the one, that people come to to talk to kind of get through it you know so this is just a whole different world and i'm just not quite sure how to dig myself out of this hole okay.
[1:36] Yeah well we can probably do some good stuff along these lines so how old are you.
[1:42] I'm 58.
[1:44] 58. Okay. And do you have kids?
[1:48] No, it wasn't in God's plan for me to have kids. It wasn't because I didn't want them.
[1:52] I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sorry to hear that. Okay. And how long have you been with your partner?
[1:59] Well, we were business partners. We started, I guess, about four years ago. And, you know, we were looking to do one business. And then when COVID hit, it just kind of, you couldn't get in touch with people to start, you know, to get the permits and answer the questions. Nobody was in the office.
[2:18] Right.
[2:18] And then we moved to try and get started down south and we started our business, but the economy just killed us.
[2:26] You know, prices of everything were through the roof, so we wound up having to shut the doors. So now we're looking at a whole different thing. And we're looking at doing a YouTube channel, you know, and I've been working on that. He, you know, he's, he works over the road, so he's not home all the time. And so I've been kind of doing the bulk of that here, you know, but like I said, normally I'm just, I, I'm, normally I'm focused. I get things done, you know, I make lists and I check things off and it's just, I just don't know where I lost it and how to get it back.
[3:03] Right. So when you say your partner, of course, you just mean a business partner. He's not a romantic partner.
[3:10] Yes, but it's not like... that's kind of yes we are i guess we're romantic partners as well i'm.
[3:21] Sorry you guess.
[3:23] Well you're 58 years old.
[3:24] You should know this by now.
[3:26] Well well no i agree i mean we've both been married before a few times so it's not like we're rushing into you know we're going to get married because it just that doesn't make sense to me or to him you know but yes we are committed to each other i guess would be the proper way to look.
[3:41] Okay i didn't ask if you were married i just asked a few i just.
[3:44] Yeah it's a business.
[3:46] And romantic relationship.
[3:47] Yes boy.
[3:49] You sound a little a little battle scarred my friend.
[3:51] Uh just a little just.
[3:55] A little was it a bad marriage you had.
[3:58] Uh a couple of them yeah i'm sorry a couple of them oh how many times how.
[4:04] Many times have you been married.
[4:05] Twice okay.
[4:08] And they were both i mean it's hard to say a marriage is just bad because you know, it's a whole series of light and dark, right? It's like, it's like driving through the, it's like driving through a forest and, you know, it's dark and light patches on the, on the road. But, uh, I guess they were enough dark patches that you're no longer married. So.
[4:26] Right. You know, it's like, yeah, absolutely. You know, sometimes it's a beautiful thing, you know, the trees, the leaves and everything else, but sometimes it's just a dark and gray area.
[4:36] You know, and drive into Mordor, like a tunnel or something. Yeah. Yeah.
[4:39] Yeah. You know, the tunnels are really dark sometimes, then you see some light and you think it's getting better and it doesn't.
[4:45] Okay. I'm sorry about that. Now, what's your history with entrepreneurship as a whole?
[4:52] Well, I've always, you know, worked in other jobs. Like before I took on an endeavor with this, I was in the hospitality business. I was in management, you know, and built the business and grew the business for the company I was working for. But I've never per se had my own business.
[5:11] Okay. All right. And what are your ambitions for your business? What's your ideal scenario?
[5:21] Well, we would like to get this YouTube channel up and running and build a following. And therefore, we would be able to get to the point where with enough followings, we could do live streams and travel around the country going, you know reasons to visit this place and you know have some locals and be able to do live streams where we eventually go so you know like uh.
[5:48] I don't mean to diminish it of course i'm sure it's more complicated but is it in the travel vlog category.
[5:54] Um no it's not it's it's it's like a top 10 list kind of category like top 10 reasons to or not to okay so like a travel.
[6:05] Information vacation vlog uh why you should visit this place.
[6:08] Eventually you know because like i said i mean it's just like you could take a topic um top 10 one hit wonder songs you know i mean just it's a variety it's just the top 10 is like the main thing but you can go in so many different you know avenues with it.
[6:25] Oh so it's not just going to be limited to travel it could be.
[6:28] Top anything is that right correct it's going to be yeah any kind of thing and.
[6:33] What is your special source? I guess that would be my sort of question. And I don't mean to sort of grill you like some potential investor. I'm just curious, what is your, special source when it comes to differentiating yourself? Is it just you or your partner? Do you have a lot of public speaking experience? Are you very funny? Is there some special source that's going to differentiate you from the general slop, so to speak?
[7:04] Yeah, well, we both definitely have the gift of gab and we both have very witty personalities.
[7:12] And we can talk to anybody. I had a lot of public speaking, he can go into anywhere and talk to somebody and strike up a conversation. So we both are gifted in that way that we can talk to pretty much anybody. And so it's not like either one of us are shy or afraid to talk in public or anything like that. And when we record our audio for our videos, it's rare that he's actually at home when we do it. He's usually on the road and we'll do it that way. And then he'll send it to me and I put them together and edit them and all that kind of thing. And it's fun because, like I said, we banter back and forth about a topic, whether we agree or disagree or laugh or cut up or, you know, remember something from our past that we throw in there to where it's not just like, you know, the top chin and just factual and nothing else. We throw a little personal side of it in there or something to make people kind of stay interested and to laugh.
[8:06] Okay, good. Yeah, just if it's charisma, that's certainly enough magic sauce, at least for me. Okay, so what is your partner on the road doing?
[8:15] He's a truck driver.
[8:16] He's a truck driver okay got it and what was you said you last worked in the hospitality industry is that right correct okay and when was the last time you had a sort of full-time job or or what was your sort of work history over the last couple of years.
[8:31] Basically from here i had a part-time or excuse me i had a full-time job for about nine months and i um, in a big box store. And then when we started talking about doing this YouTube, you know, because basically I was spinning my wheels where I was, there wasn't any room for advancement or anything like that. And he's like, well, why don't you do this? You know, and if you're home doing it, it puts more time to do it, you know? And I'm like, all right. So we talked about it, went from splitting the bills to where he was paying them. And my job was to get these up and running but due to the fact that I just like I said I'm just I've lost my motivation I've lost, my drive I mean I he and he's even saying goes you you are not the person today that I teamed up with four years ago and he's absolutely right I see that I I missed the person I was where I lost it along the way I don't know you know so yeah I've definitely let him down in the sense that, you know, I haven't fulfilled my end of the bargain.
[9:37] Well, I mean, it's not like you let him down based upon some conscious choice. You didn't tend to shortchange him at the cashier. You're just dealing with a downdraft on your energy and enthusiasm, which, you know, happens to all of us. It's part of the cycle of certainly of entrepreneurship. So, okay. And tell me a little bit more about what happened in 2022. Was that sort of roughly around that time, like when you were setting up the business and then COVID hit, did you feel more enthusiastic back then?
[10:07] Yes, I was. But there was still, you know, a diminished, you know, drive, I guess, to get things done.
[10:15] Okay, so when did it first start to fall off the cliff, so to speak?
[10:22] Well, maybe probably the year before, you know, I was getting things done, but not at the rate that I should have been or wanted to be, you know, so and then, like I said, in 2022, I guess when I sent you that first email, and I guess we never got around to talking. And I guess what kind of was like a real big spiral was when at that time he was working a different job and he was working originally seven days a week. And then he went from working seven to six. But in order to do that, to have that one day off, he would work a double on the next day, like a 14, 16.
[11:04] Sometimes 18 hour day. How old is your partner?
[11:07] He is 54.
[11:10] So why is he working seven days a week?
[11:14] Well, he was. He's not. Well, I guess he is now.
[11:16] He said he went to six and pulled the doubles, like the equivalent of seven. So why is he in his mid-50s and working seven days a week?
[11:25] That's just what the job called for. Like I said, he was driving trucks even back then. He's been doing that for decades.
[11:32] Well, I get that. But I don't mean to sound overly curious and don't talk about anything you don't want to, but is he broke? I mean, that's a hell of a work schedule for a guy in his 50s.
[11:43] No.
[11:44] So why is he working? Why does he work seven days a week?
[11:48] Well, he wants to be more financially secure than he is. It's not like he has a ton of retirement built up. Neither one of us. I don't. Unfortunately, I hate to even admit this, but I went through mine when I first left my last job and trying to build the initial business that we were doing. So, yeah, it's a hot mess, you know, especially my financial situation.
[12:10] And again, don't tell me anything you don't want to, but you're sort of, what percentage of retirement goals are you and your partner at as a whole?
[12:26] That I don't know, because like I said, I don't know where he is, you know, with what else he has and, you know, in 401ks or whatever.
[12:34] Sorry, how long have you guys been together?
[12:39] Well, like I said, we continued to have a partnership four years ago. But, you know, his financial... We don't mingle, commingle funds or whatever. And like I said right now, I don't have that income coming in. So...
[12:53] Okay. So just to talk to you, I mean, are you at 10%, 50%, 5%, 25%, just roughly of sort of where you'd like to be for retirement? Probably 5%. 5%. Okay. And do you have thoughts, I'm sure you have, right? Thoughts about how you ended up in your late 50s with virtually no retirement savings?
[13:22] Uh yeah i mean poor choices and like i said the last job that i had for 13 years, there wasn't a retirement setup with the company and um i wasn't smart to be able to do it on my own i i made poor choices and then sorry does that.
[13:41] Mean like they they didn't give you a retirement plan but i assume they paid you a little extra and you.
[13:45] Didn't save is that right um so you didn't get a retirement.
[13:50] Plan and you didn't get any extra pay but you.
[13:52] Didn't save.
[13:53] What you made is that right.
[13:54] Correct and.
[13:56] Are you a spender i mean.
[13:59] No so so how.
[14:01] Did you not save.
[14:03] I'm just i'm extremely free uh frugal um well you know i was that's when i was back in my second marriage and um when you know I was working I was making good money but I was also paying all the bills in the house because my husband at the time had quit his job and climbed really deep into the bottle and then you.
[14:32] Were funding an alcoholic.
[14:34] Yeah and how.
[14:36] Long did that go on for?
[14:39] Probably about four years until I just, I couldn't do it anymore. My mother had gotten sick. I was taking care of her and I just couldn't do it anymore.
[14:50] Gosh, how long were you married to Mr. Drunk?
[14:54] 10 years wow.
[14:56] And did he drink early on or just later in the marriage.
[14:59] Yeah he drank early on but it wasn't to the extent like he could hold a job right oh yeah he did for a while and he did well right and then he he did you know something on his own after that for a couple years but then, that went by the wayside and he climbed so deep into the bottle and then um sorry to.
[15:21] Interrupt When you said that went by the wayside, did he lose his business or did his business go bankrupt and then he started drinking or was the drinking part of the decline of his business?
[15:32] The drinking was a part of it.
[15:34] Okay. So he was doing well. He began to drink. He works less and the business kind of created it.
[15:40] He started drinking. Yeah. He started drinking more and then the drinking took over his priorities as opposed to the business and the business just kind of went by the wayside.
[15:49] Okay.
[15:49] And then I found out as we were proceeding to divorce that he had opened lines of credit in my name. So then I had to settle those debts in addition.
[16:08] Oh, my gosh. How much did he take you for?
[16:12] Like 20 grand.
[16:13] Okay. So you paid somebody else's bills for four years and then he hit you for 20 grand in, I mean, was it illegal?
[16:23] No, it was, you know, I guess because we were married and, you know, he had access to my account, you know, because we did have one joint account, but we had separate accounts as well. But I guess it was, I don't know, it was allowed to be done. And like I said, it was just.
[16:40] Well, he didn't forge your signature or anything, right?
[16:42] No, he had done them online.
[16:45] Okay. No, but you have to, if you're taking lines, I'm no expert in this, right? But my understanding is that you can't take out lines of credit in somebody else's name. You have to forge something.
[16:58] Yeah, I guess, yes. Like I said, that's something I didn't know that you could do either. But yeah, it was my name.
[17:06] Well, I can certainly see why you ain't mingling your finances now. Okay, makes sense. So, okay, so you paid, he did well. So I assume that he paid fairly, fairly well. And then you spent four years funding him and then got took for 20 grand, which I'm really sorry about, of course. but that's not quite enough as to why you have no savings i mean there are men out there who fund entire families with kids uh for 20 years or 30 years and and then have still some savings so to me there's and i i really sympathize with what happened with your ex but there's not something that uh that doesn't quite close the loop for me in terms of why you're 58 and broke.
[17:43] Well you know like i said i had you know i was saving and that was part of you know i had built my savings up in addition to paying the bills and all that. And then, like I said, once we divorced and I had this other debt, I used part of it to pay for that. And then when I started this venture, I didn't get a job. I was trying to get it up and started the first one. And I basically lived off my savings. And I wasn't smart. I didn't invest it to where it would be there down the road.
[18:16] Okay. So, and again, I'm just trying to sort of get the rough numbers straight in my head. So if you retire at 65 and you live to 85, that's 20 years, right? So you spent four years funding you and someone else, and then you spent a couple of years funding a business. So let's say you burnt through sort of six years of savings, there's still a 14-year gap to what you would need. Like even if you had all that money back, that'd still be a 14-year gap of savings in your retirement plan.
[18:44] Right. Yeah. I just, you know, I, um, I, I, I, there's no excuse. I just made poor decisions.
[18:56] And I'm not trying to, I'm not, I'm not trying to say, uh, uh, you, you need an excuse. I'm just, I'm trying to sort of understand your relationship to money because, uh, I have a sense that's probably down in, in why you're down. It's probably down in there as to why you're down. So this is not a, you know, shine a flashlight in your face and yell at you as to why you didn't save more. I'm just trying to understand your relationship to money as a whole. So was your first marriage costly or did that break even or did you save some money?
[19:29] Oh, no, that one put me in bankruptcy.
[19:31] Oh.
[19:33] Yeah.
[19:34] Okay. I'm curious now if you want to tell the story.
[19:40] Well, I was young. I was in my early 20s, and I had met this guy. He was 14 years older than me. He was a musician when we met, which whatever.
[19:50] Oh, okay.
[19:51] God forsaken reason.
[19:52] Was he a drummer? No, I'm just kidding. Now he was a bass player. Oh, a bass player. Oh, the most replaceable. I saw this meme the other day. A church bass player realizes he's not been plugged in for 20 years. Okay, so you met a bassist who was in his mid-30s.
[20:10] Yes.
[20:11] And was he successful?
[20:13] Yeah. I mean, he was working a day job in radio advertising.
[20:18] As a musician, that's not successful if you're working a day job.
[20:22] Well, he was playing music five nights a week. And then he wasn't like a rock star by any means. But he did really well in his radio advertising job and all that. So he was definitely supporting the household.
[20:33] Okay.
[20:34] But as the marriage went along, he didn't have credit, which should have been a red flag to me.
[20:44] Sorry, I don't know what that means when you say he didn't have credit. Does that mean- Well.
[20:48] To be able to make big purchases and stuff like that.
[20:51] Oh, sorry. He had a bad credit rating. Is that right?
[20:53] Yes, correct.
[20:55] Okay. So you went to buy big stuff and they said, we're not giving this guy a red cent.
[21:00] No. They said, okay, here's money. You can buy a house. you can buy a brand new truck, And so my credit got us a house.
[21:09] Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hang on, hang on. I'm so sorry. I'm confused. So if he didn't have credit, how was he getting these loans if he had bad credit?
[21:16] Well, the loans were in my name.
[21:19] Oh, so he had bad credit and he said, put it in the 23-year-old girl's name. So he had worse credit in his 30s with significant financial success than you had in your early 20s.
[21:33] Correct.
[21:34] Okay. I got to ask. I've got to ask, my friend. I hate to be all kinds of sexist, and maybe you can nail me to a feminist tree. That's fine. But where was your father in all of this?
[21:48] He was MIA. He left when I was four.
[21:54] Okay. What about any male relatives, uncles, anybody? And it could be women. It really tends to be a little bit more men. but was there nobody who said, here's how to watch your back as a young, listen, I was a complete idiot when it came to finances in my early 20s so I say this with all due humility and with absolutely zero sense of superiority or anything like that so with all, embarrassment about me in my early 20s but, was there nobody looking out for you?
[22:30] Well, that's a good question it's i don't know that not to say they weren't looking out you know they saw i was happy and they saw that you know he he played a good game and and you know like i said i was young and he ate it like he had his act together well no no hang on hang.
[22:53] On hang on so you got uh you what age did you get married at.
[22:56] I think i was 22 22.
[22:59] Okay and for those of you who were listening to this, who were like, how could she not know? We're in her late 50s. The numbers get a little distant in the past. So I understand that. Okay. So you got married. And how long did you date bass boy before you got married?
[23:19] Um, maybe six, seven months. And it was a long distance relationship.
[23:24] Okay. So which one of your male relatives or female relatives vetted him? Because there's a big age gap, right?
[23:33] Yeah. Right.
[23:33] Which either means you're super mature, which is kind of weird for a 22 year old, or he's super immature, which means he hasn't grown in 14 years, which is a red flag. So who, who called him out? Who called him up? Who sat down with him? who vetted him.
[23:49] Well i had um like my mom my aunt who was like my second mom a couple of um my other relatives you know.
[24:00] Okay so they they talked with him they asked him his intentions they asked him his history uh and uh and and so on right and so uh did did he lie to them or how how did he pass vetting.
[24:13] Oh he absolutely lied because i went from being his wife i thought first wife to a second wife and three and a half years later a fourth his fourth wife.
[24:23] Oh so he he had hidden uh the two marriages from everyone okay so so the people who vetted him had no ability to detect a pathological a liar. So that's not very good vetting, is it?
[24:42] Well, but the thing is, I mean, he talked a good game.
[24:45] But he's dating a 22-year-old. That's a huge red flag. Why can't he find a woman his own age? Because women his own age tend to be more skeptical.
[24:58] Right.
[25:00] So that's a big red flag, right?
[25:04] Yeah. Yeah, I mean, because... Yeah.
[25:10] I mean, I'll just tell you, I mean, pay for a background check because it's long distance too, right? So you don't have much information. So nobody paid for a background check because that would give you all you need to know.
[25:23] Right.
[25:24] Because imagine how a background check, what, a couple of hundred bucks. Imagine how much money that would have saved.
[25:29] I know, right?
[25:30] Okay. So you didn't get any sense that he was a pathological, I mean, hiding two marriages is a huge deal. Because I would imagine that if you knew that you were his fourth wife, so he told you about one and then revealed two others, is that right?
[25:48] Correct.
[25:49] Okay, so if you had found out that at the age of, in his 30s, mid-30s, he'd already had three marriages, would you have married him?
[25:59] Absolutely not.
[26:00] So he's a total con man. and was there any other other than that he was in advertising was there any other indications that he was a con man or a pathological liar.
[26:13] No zero well you know i'm trying to think back what three decades ago no i get it yeah yeah not that no come to the top of my mind now him now he was all he was always you know doting and you know he was always attentive he was always there he didn't like go you know mia for any length of time or you know wasn't you know i couldn't find him or anything like that he was always he seemed to be on the up and up he talked a good game right.
[26:48] Now how did you meet him.
[26:54] Um i had gone to florida with some friends and we went to the uh the club where he played, and then um i went back you know we'd go back like once a month and you know he would come to see me where i lived and you know he met some of my family a couple times my family would come with me and you know they got to meet him that way and spend time with them and all that and he just like I said he played and talked a darn good game he fooled a lot of people so.
[27:28] He appeared to be a real catch.
[27:30] Yeah okay.
[27:32] So so if he's a real catch and he's a musician and he's making good money and he's advertising so I suppose he's a smooth as silk right so I guess the big question then I would have if you.
[27:45] Were my.
[27:45] Daughter at 22 is like okay why are you single why haven't.
[27:50] You been snapped.
[27:55] And then I would ask, what happened to your prior marriage? And so on, right? And then I would say, well, why are you interested in a 22-year-old? Like, what's going on? I mean, I assume that you were, I mean, why do you think he was drawn? Was it, were you just like a looker back? I'm not saying back in the day, like you're not now, but we, you know, early twenties. Sorry.
[28:18] Right. We all looked a little different back in our twenties.
[28:20] Yeah. Yeah.
[28:21] And you know, I had my act together. I mean, I was, you know, I wasn't, I mean, yes, I think it was more mature for my age because, you know, I, I just, I didn't, I wasn't always out in the bars and all that kind of thing, like when you're, you know, get out of high school or in college or whatever. You know, I had ambitions. I was in college and, you know, it just, like I said, I look back on it and go, what the heck, you know?
[28:49] Well, but your mother made a bad choice in who she had children with.
[28:56] Right.
[28:57] I mean, a terrible, I mean, when you say MIA at four, tell me about what happened to dad, your dad.
[29:04] Um he I mean like I said I don't recall I remember some of it, I mean he couldn't hold down a job he was home a lot during the day while my mom was out working to support the family and um, basically she finally has said okay look you know you either need to get a job or you need to go because I'm not supporting you and the kids oh this is like without.
[29:29] The kids thing that's what happened with you and.
[29:31] Mr.
[29:31] Drunk.
[29:39] Oh that's quiet the dogs down.
[29:40] No no i was just saying that's the same thing that happened with you and your alcoholic husband that you had to tell him get a job or get out which is exactly what your mother had to say to your father i mean right ah the patterns the patterns.
[29:53] The patterns and you know and that's the thing you know i guess that's you know he my father was an alcoholic and And well, and I didn't realize it until later, because once they divorced, I was young and he called one time and wanted to come visit us. And he never paid child support and all that. So mom and mom tried to get it from him and he just, you know, he didn't pay it. So he wanted to come visit and he called the house one day when mom was at work. And we had one of our family members, you know, helping out babysit. and so he played you know talked to a good thing and he so I told him where we lived and he comes to visit.
[30:41] And I'm sorry, how old were you at this point?
[30:44] At that point, let's see, maybe seven.
[30:50] OK, got it.
[30:52] So you were home alone? No, no, no. We had a babysitter.
[30:56] We had a babysitter.
[30:57] Yeah, because I have a younger brother, four years younger. So, you know, our family was who all our close family friends were who helped mom to babysit when she, you know, she had to work, you know. And that's the thing. she was a school teacher so she was home with us at night all the time and weekends and holidays which was great and um she's.
[31:17] Educating children while choosing a drunk for a husband and the father of her children excellent excellent.
[31:22] Okay go ahead so um anyway so he had come that night, and one of his friends came over and they started drinking and he you know mom was like this is enough you know and so his his friend left mom told him not to drive but he did and then so she took the bottle and she hit it because he had taken it first and he hit it so she knew she knew where he hit it she hit it somewhere else and he went off now he didn't physically hurt her you know hit her or anything like that he just yelled you know and then um that was I think the last time we saw him alive. The last time I saw him was at his funeral.
[32:08] And when did he die?
[32:11] In around 90.
[32:14] 1990, not age 90, I assume. Right. Okay.
[32:17] Yeah, 1990. Yes, sir.
[32:18] And what did he die of?
[32:21] Um, well, I know he had diabetes and he died in his sleep. So, and I don't know a whole lot about him cause he didn't keep in touch with us.
[32:29] Okay. Got it. Got it.
[32:30] So I know he had diabetes and he, and see, that's the thing. Um, my brother and I talked with our mom and said, you know, um, our father had reached out one time to, you know, to mom or for something. And so mom's like, you know, your kids would like to talk to you. They've had questions they'd like answers to. And I was in my mid-20s at that point, maybe older, I don't remember. But he said, well, his second life, he said, well, they were going out of town. When he came back, he would meet with us. Well, that never happened because he died in his sleep before they even went on their trip. So, you know, we never had those questions asked.
[33:14] And roughly, was he in his 50s when he died or 60s?
[33:18] Probably 50s Maybe.
[33:21] So what is What is wrong With the women in your family And the men they choose Why are they choosing these men, Why did you choose Did you guys go for looks And charisma What is the malfunction In your, Mating choices.
[33:44] Well that's a really good question.
[33:48] I think so.
[33:49] Um um you know my first husband i mean he was you know okay looking i mean he he had a great personality.
[34:00] So you know he was charisma yes okay now charisma uh doesn't not everyone who is charismatic is sociopathic and not everyone who's a sociopath is a charisma is charismatic but there sure is an overlap yeah.
[34:17] Oh listen i totally totally pass up to the bad choices i made when it comes to relationships.
[34:24] Okay but on what but on what grounds like what is it that why did you marry bass guy, And he drank, right? No, no. It's the second one who drank, right? Basically, I didn't drink.
[34:39] Yeah, he drank. But not like over the top drink. You know, it was like maybe a drink or two after work or a drink with dinner, that kind of thing.
[34:48] But he drank every day?
[34:51] No.
[34:52] Okay. All right. So your mother chose an alcoholic. You chose a guy who drank, but not every day. And then your second husband was like, in the end, I assume, kind of a raging alcoholic in that he didn't work for years. So what are you choosing? And your mother, of course, knowing how bad the choice was with your father, should have been learning those lessons and warning you to avoid repeating the mistakes, right? That's the job, right? We screw up as parents when we're young, and then we learn those lessons and help our children avoid those problems right so.
[35:28] Go ahead ask i've asked my mom on a few occasions like why she chose our father, because i i can't call him my dad he wasn't he is my father he you know contributed to me being here today but he was not a dad by any means you know um so you know i've asked her and she I could never, I could never really get like a straight answer I mean she She said You know, A few years ago When I asked her And you know she's I think honestly She, I think she just settled because she had dated another guy and who was his family, his dad, his brother was a doctor. And they kind of looked down on my mom and her family because she came from such a big family. And her mother, my grandmother, was raising all the kids.
[36:33] Wait, wait, wait, where was your grandfather?
[36:36] My grandfather died of an aneurysm at a very young age.
[36:40] Okay.
[36:40] And they tried to separate the kids because she had 11 kids. And they tried to separate them and take some of them from her. And she said, no. So my grandmother, you know, would do sewing for people is how she helped to support her family. And as the kids would get older, they'd go to work and they'd help contribute to the family. Plus, she had other family members who would help with the kids as well. But she didn't want she wouldn't let her kids go.
[37:10] Right okay and.
[37:12] Um but you know there are some of mom's siblings that you know were married and they were married till death do us part there were some that got divorced you know so.
[37:23] And sorry it's your uh you don't have to give me specific locations of course but it's your family from the south yes right so i mean the cliche of women in the south is they're very pretty and they fall for charming sociopaths.
[37:38] Yeah that's a good one yeah and yeah.
[37:44] Now why why did you marry the first guy i know this sounds distant from where you're at but when you've run out of fuel it's because you started on a long journey yeah so we got to go to a bit of the origin story, um if you're sorry and the reason i'm saying asking this is when people don't want to give an answer as you're asking your mom why did you marry dad when people don't want to give an answer it's for one reason and one reason only that they don't want to admit a fault, yeah so in general women make bad decisions because of the good old tingles, he gives me tingles we have chemistry he's sexy he's high status he makes me feel good as opposed to judging his character. In other words, you make your decision based upon your loins rather than what's best for your future children.
[38:41] Right. Well, you know, like I said, we met and I'd gone to Florida with friends and, you know, we were having a good time, you know, just hanging out, you know, it wasn't like a big old party or whatever, but we'd go out at night and, you know, we'd always hang out at the condo cook and all that. So it wasn't like a big party or whatever. We just lay by the beach just to kind of decompress from the week at work. And so I met him. And like I said, he was just, he was, he was very charismatic. he was you know he was older which i in my you know dating you know i had most of my and not even like relationships but most of my friends male friends were older you know and it's like i would go to dinner with them but it wasn't a romantic relationship it was just the fact that you know because men that were close to my age were all into the partying and the drugs and i you know i stayed i didn't.
[39:43] Nope that wasn't part of my life no no no no i can't i can't let you say i can't let you disrespect men to that degree i just can't no no no no not a chance you won't get there past me not all the men in their early 20s not hang on hang on not all the men in their early 20s are doing drugs and getting smashed down drunk and going to parties uh that is not all men there are i mean how that where do the doctors come from where are the accountants the lawyers the computer programmers where do they come from they come from studious hard-working responsible young men so and i don't don't don't paint this don't paint this broad brush that you either had to marry a sociopath that is mid-30s or you had to put up with a drug-taking guy in his early 20s.
[40:30] Well no no no let me say i i tell you that if i used all i apologize that was a very poor choice of a word because not all I have some, you know, great friends that, you know, weren't.
[40:41] Okay. So why didn't you date the friends who were responsible?
[40:47] Um, because if I have a good, a male friend, I won't cross that line.
[40:53] Uh, didn't you say you went out for dinner with the bassist guy before you became romantic?
[41:00] Um, no, we would always just, I'd see him when he would come out when he was playing, when we'd go to the club and then he would come and visit, you know, where I lived on his off days. So I don't know. It was basically just hanging out in that situation, or he would come to the condo or something.
[41:18] Okay, so how long after you met him did you become romantically involved?
[41:27] Maybe like four months.
[41:28] Okay, so for those four months, were you not friends?
[41:35] Well, yeah, I guess.
[41:37] Okay, so what are you telling me that you don't cross romantic lines with friends when you cross the romantic line with a friend who you later met?
[41:44] Well, I guess it's a different kind of friendship because there are some where you have a male friend and there might be chemistry there, but the friendship is more important that you won't cross that line to where you lose that friendship.
[41:59] Hang on, but why? I mean, isn't someone that you're very friendly with and get along with at a personal, emotional, and moral level, isn't that exactly who you would want to start dating? as opposed to some basis 14 years older in a long-distance relationship that you marry in seven months like you've already vetted the friend you already have compatibility with the friend so why why wouldn't you i'm just i'm help me understand the female mind here i'm struggling on the outskirts you.
[42:32] Should have this down to a t yeah i.
[42:36] Just you know if i knew all the answers I wouldn't keep having the conversation. So I like to learn more every time. So go ahead.
[42:42] But, you know, I think it, like maybe, you know, looking back, maybe it was more like a kind of, because he was older, it was more like of a kind of father figure or like the kind of looking out for me as opposed to, and because he was, you know, he was very attentive. he was you know he was he had a great personality he was funny you know and.
[43:11] Well he didn't have a great personality but he had superficial charm oh yeah okay so, help me understand this thing where you say if i really get along well with the guy as a friend i would never ever date him just help me understand that thinking, yeah um you had all these responsible friends yeah and and they were you know solid and dependable and reliable and not drinkers and not and not drug takers and and working on their education and their careers and you're like absolutely not middle-aged bassist guy is the way to go and i'm just trying to understand that reasoning.
[43:55] I you know i guess part of it you know He lived in Florida Which I was always You know, Loved Florida But still That's not an excuse To marry somebody And you know I was young I was.
[44:12] 90 No no no no That's not what I'm asking What's my question Why don't you get friends.
[44:19] Oh Well, Then suppose It doesn't work out Then you lose A really good friend.
[44:27] But you're gonna lose The friend Hang on Hang on I mean this is maybe Why you didn't have adult guidance or male guidance for sure because if you were my daughter let's like really do a time dilation here right so if you were my daughter and you said well bobby is a really great guy he's very responsible he works hard he's a good listener he's upright he's moral and he's a good friend and uh i don't want to date him because then i might lose the friendship do you know what i would say i'd say you're going to lose the friendship anyway, like there's no way you're going to keep bobby as a friend yeah it's not going to happen because, if you start dating a guy won't particularly want you being friends with a single unattached guy if bobby starts dating or gets married his girlfriend or wife is going to pretty much shut that friendship down right or you're going to move away or like something's going to happen Like, you're going to lose the friendship anyway.
[45:23] Yeah.
[45:24] Because married people are not friends with attractive singletons. Your life is too different, and it's not a good thing to have around the marriage as a whole.
[45:35] Right.
[45:36] So the idea, well, I can't date this guy because, boy, what if I lose the friendship? It's like, no, no, no, the friendship is going to go anyway. It's either going to go, and with it, the opportunity to date a stable guy that you really like, or it's going to go, and you don't date him.
[45:51] Yeah.
[45:52] But this fantasy that, well, there's this magical thing immune from time called this friendship with an attractive, capable, competent, virtuous man. It's going to freeze in time and I'm going to have this available to me forever. All I have to do is not kiss him. I mean, that's like this bizarre fantasy that some women have. And some men do, I suppose, although men are much more willing to cross the friendship lines because we understand that if you're friends, it's the best basis for dating. so i'm trying to figure this out because i don't i mean you're a very intelligent woman so it can't be that you thought the friendship was just going to somehow magically last, why did you avoid the stable guys and pursue the bad boys because this is the foundational question of the world right now this is like it's all on your shoulders my friend so but why why because you know there are all of these stable guys i bet you there were lots of stable healthy moral guys floating around you because you're like a young hot thing right so there's lots of stable guys and they're like what are you talking about the creepy middle-aged bassist like what are you doing and they're like they're tearing their hair out.
[47:00] Well you know it's funny because you just hit the nail on the head with the word bad boys you know um that that kind of sums it over you know my friend he's like you know we talk about past relationships and that and he goes you were just attracted to the bad boys and i'm like yeah i was.
[47:21] Right but but why but why, That's the big question.
[47:28] Yeah.
[47:28] Is it just because they're sexy? Is it the tingles? The predictable guys, the moral guys, the responsible guys are what, boring?
[47:37] No, because there are moral, ethical, good guys that are awesome. You know?
[47:43] I like to think so. So, so, so why?
[47:50] Well, that goes into a whole new realm. um you know i just.
[48:02] How many male friends did you have around you in your late teens early 20s maybe to mid 20s prior to getting married so how many when you look back through the tunnel of time as we all do of course but there's something in the mid to late 50s where for me at least i just get sucked back into the past on a regular basis, but how many, guys were around you in your early, late teens, early 20s, how many guys were around you who would have been better partners than Baseboy?
[48:34] Oh, there's definitely a few, you know?
[48:37] Like three, five, seven?
[48:40] Probably five.
[48:41] So, five guys your age who would have been good husbands and fathers, right?
[48:49] Right.
[48:49] Okay. And they're your age. You're an attractive young woman. You obviously have your charisma. You have your language skills. You're intelligent. So why did you step over the good guys to give your heart, youth, and fertility to a guy who lied to you and did he leave you in debt too? or?
[49:14] Oh, yeah. He was the one, like I said, my credit bought us.
[49:17] Oh, you went bankrupt.
[49:19] And the truck. And then he, when we divorced, he filed bankruptcy. And even though I was the main signer, everything was in both our names. So therefore, if he filed bankruptcy, I called all the creditors and said, look, if I am willing to take on half the debt, can I do that? And so that I don't have to file bankruptcy. And you know what? They would rather you file bankruptcy than pay them half the debt. So I had to file bankruptcy as well, or else I would have been in the hold for a lot, a lot of money.
[49:49] How much?
[49:52] Probably $150,000, $160,000 back then.
[49:55] Oh, gosh.
[49:55] And that was in the early 90s.
[49:56] Okay, so this guy kind of ripped you off for $150,000.
[50:02] Yeah, because like I said, I had to file bankruptcy.
[50:04] So why did you step over five quality guys to go out with a middle-aged liar and con man who bankrupted you.
[50:22] And why did your.
[50:23] Family encourage this.
[50:25] Well you know i thought he was older you know he had a stable day job he played music at night and you know i thought he had his act together you know and and so and like i said he talked a good talk and i i i say that and people go oh well Everybody knows.
[50:47] On the planet that there are glib talk and con men in the world.
[50:55] Right.
[50:55] Everybody knows that. Right. So the fact that he talked a good talk is irrelevant because everybody knows. That's like opening up your spam folder and clicking on every link saying, well, it was a well-written email. Like everybody knows there's phishing and spam and scams and right. I mean, how was I supposed to know that the $10,000 I sent to the Nigerian prince wasn't legitimate? Because everybody knows that there are con men in the world.
[51:25] Yeah.
[51:26] So the fact that he was smooth talking is not an excuse. Now, for you in your early 20s, I can get that. But what about everyone around you? Do they just totally take at face value what anyone ever says? Oh, well, he says he's a crown prince of Bhutan and has a billion dollars. Great. Marry him.
[51:50] Right.
[51:51] Seriously, where is the rational skepticism? Where is the common sense? Where is the basic self-protection?
[51:57] Yeah.
[52:03] I mean, if this guy wants to marry your 22-year-old daughter, pay to have a credit check run on him.
[52:09] If he's got bad credit, then don't marry him. So I'm just trying to figure out what happens that you take people at face value, which is fuel for pathological liars, that's what they live on, is people just taking them at their word, and then you did it again. So I can give you, you know, obviously some get out of jail free cards in your early 20s. How old were you when you married the alcoholic?
[52:46] I was, I want to say my early 40s. But see, he and I had a history prior to that. My second husband.
[52:55] So you had less excuse because you knew him more.
[52:58] Yeah, I knew him really well because I met him. actually he was an employee of mine when i worked in florida as a restaurant manager, and um but you know he was an employee i mean we didn't like all of a sudden become romantically involved i when i met him as a as an employee when he was my employee i was married to my first husband he was engaged to his sorry how long.
[53:23] Were you married to.
[53:25] My first husband yeah three and a half years three.
[53:28] And three three and a half years but then you do you would have been in your mid 20s 25 26 if i understand this.
[53:34] Correctly sorry go ahead right let's see my second husband he and i had history from prior to us being married um like i said we were friends and we all you know worked together all this and then um when i got my divorce you know i um, and he and his ex split we became closer and we started dating and we wanted to live together 20s part yes okay and we were together for about three years give or take okay and then he went his separate way i went mine we always kept in touch through the years i mean we always had a bond and a closeness you know but he went on his way i went on mine i never got remarried He was with a woman for like 10 years, Okay.
[54:31] So what red flags did he have?
[54:41] That he was a drinker. He, you know, his family, or so his dad, like, if he screwed up and got a DUI, his dad would get him out of it, depending on where it was.
[54:57] Wait, so he was a drinker to the point where he drove drunk? I hate people like that, honestly. I hate because they're putting entire families and lives at risk of death.
[55:07] Yeah, exactly. And that's why, you know.
[55:10] So why would you?
[55:12] I know.
[55:13] So why?
[55:15] Hence the bad boy.
[55:16] No, but why? So you had the excuse of early 20s. What the hell is your excuse with early 40s? Having known this guy as a drunk and a drunk driver who skates on political connections to get out of trouble. I mean, was he good looking? Was he wealthy? What is the story?
[55:36] No, he was not. I mean, he was, he was average looking. He wasn't like, you know, a tan by any means. I, he, he, um, when he worked, he was a hard worker, but he wasn't, I mean, I guess because, he and I, very, the friendship, I mean, we, we'd been friends for so many years and we knew each other so well, good, bad, and indifferent. And, um.
[56:00] But you didn't, you didn't know him, at least apparently, because were you surprised when he stopped working for four years and you had to shoulder all the bills.
[56:08] Yeah because you know when we were together the first time and even through the times when we weren't together and we kept in touch he was always working he never not had a job i mean yeah he would drink but he always you know was working i mean they called you know i guess they call them functional alcoholics but why.
[56:28] Would you be friends with someone who drinks and drives, That's murderous.
[56:35] Yeah.
[56:36] That's unbelievably irresponsible and dangerous and a threat to others.
[56:41] Yeah.
[56:42] I mean, honestly, I don't particularly care if people who drink and drive, drive off a cliff, but they often drive into family sedans.
[56:49] Yes. Yes. You know, and I guess.
[56:51] So he's an asshole.
[56:54] For that? Yes.
[56:55] Well, there's no for that. That's what I got. Slice the dice. The person on a bento box.
[57:01] Well you see and i guess the reason you know being in the hospitality industry which made me wrong i was in it most of my life it's a lot unfortunately it's a lot more common than it than not that people drink and drive and i guess are you saying you just picked.
[57:20] People blindly like you blindfolded yourself and you just touched testicles until you know and and Well.
[57:26] Because of the odds.
[57:27] Right? You still have a choice. I worked in the hospital. I worked in many restaurants. There's people who don't drink, right? So you can't just give me odds.
[57:36] No, and, you know, like I said, but yeah.
[57:40] So you knew he was a wildly irresponsible drunk.
[57:46] Yeah.
[57:47] And you married him. Why?
[57:53] I just...
[57:56] And the reason that you need to understand these decisions is you're now going to embark on an entrepreneurial venture. And if you don't know why you make bad decisions, you can't be an entrepreneur, at least not a successful one.
[58:10] Right.
[58:11] So why?
[58:12] Yeah.
[58:12] Why did you marry the wildly irresponsible and dangerous drunk that you knew was wildly irresponsible and dangerous?
[58:25] Because even though I knew it was toxic, I loved him. I honestly, deep in my heart, I loved him.
[58:31] No, you didn't. No. I did. Don't even try. No, sorry. We don't talk about love that way here. You might have had lust. He might have been convenient. And I would suspect that's probably the closest. But we can only love virtue. And this guy was not virtuous.
[58:47] You're right.
[58:48] So we can only love virtue.
[58:50] But it wasn't a lust thing. You know, it wasn't. I mean...
[58:55] Um wow, who made the first approach to go from friendship to romance and here's the funny thing too because you're telling me well you know when i have friends i don't cross the line to romance except for oh no but you were friends with this guy you were romantic with this guy before okay so you're already taking him for a couple of year test drive in your 20s right Right. Okay. So, who made the first move in your early 40s?
[59:31] Um, I think he did.
[59:33] And we did pass over what, obviously I know time is not infinite, but we skipped the whole 10 years in your 30s. And what happened with dating in your 30s?
[59:47] Um... i had you know a couple relationships and stuff i think i mean and one of them was you know you know i just i'm seeing this pattern i've talked about it with my partner before but you know it's like this one guy that i was involved with i mean was amazing but he was a drinker okay so he's.
[1:00:12] Automatically not amazing you gotta stop with this christmas shit i'm telling you it's gonna kill you, somebody who's an alcoholic is not amazing by definition, they're destroying their health they're putting massive burdens on their partners they're destroying their finances they're making bad decisions often they're drunk driving and i can have sympathy for the childhood trauma that produces alcoholics and i've made entire shows on that so i understand that but they're not amazing.
[1:00:45] Well see that's the reason you know because like with my second husband you know his excuse for being an alcoholic because he eventually went to rehab while we were married see that and his thing was like you know well it's hereditary you know his grandmother and grandfather and all this let's see and the thing it's like you know i guess the reason you know, Maybe my attraction to an alcoholic, I don't know. But the fact that my father was is the reason I am not. Because like I said, my second husband was like, you know, it's hereditary. I can't this or that. I'm like, yes, you can.
[1:01:25] Well, and also if it's hereditary, then don't touch drink in the first place. Or if you like it when you start, then stop right away.
[1:01:33] Right. And so, you know, I chose. Now, don't be wrong. I've drank my share of booze in my day. do I drink anymore? Very rarely, if ever. But, you know, that's my choice. But I chose not to let it consume me and become an alcoholic because of what I saw from my father the one time.
[1:01:50] Well, but alcohol still has dominated your life.
[1:01:54] Yes. And in my relationships, absolutely.
[1:01:57] Well, and your finances.
[1:01:59] And my finances.
[1:02:00] I mean, you've lost, I assume, hundreds of thousands of dollars, probably close to half a mil in adjusted dollars supporting alcoholics.
[1:02:07] Yeah. Yep.
[1:02:09] All right. Now, would you like the answer as to why you choose the bad boys?
[1:02:18] Sure.
[1:02:19] Well, so the reason that young men choose middle-aged women is they want to bypass the risk and supporting stage. so if you're 22 23 and you marry a 22 or 23 year old guy he's broke right he's in student debt he's broke and it's going to take years to start making any real money right and if you date a guy who's already financially successful in his 30s then you bypass the struggle stage right and you don't have to do that whole support thing and you don't have to do that building the career thing and you don't have to live poor. So it's a shortcut. yeah does that make sense yeah.
[1:03:07] That does make sense.
[1:03:08] If you date a guy you dated before and you've known for years and it's around and you're both single that's a shortcut you're taking the easy path so and and if you just believe what people say without being skeptical that's taking the easy path yeah it's harder to be skeptical right i mean we all know this from covid right it's brutal to be skeptical yeah so and the reason why i've i've unearthed all of this uh archaeology is because taking the shortcut taking the easy path may also include the youtube channel which of course you could be successful you could be not the odds are very much against it just statistically right obviously i haven't seen your work and and so on right but statistically, there's you know billions of youtube channels and noon 98 of the money goes to two percent of the channels maybe you'll be in those two percent but uh my concern is that certainly in dating, women take the easy path which is judging confidence not virtue because they say well well, if this guy is confident, he must be competent.
[1:04:28] Yeah.
[1:04:29] If this guy is a smooth talker and friendly and positive, then he's got to be successful as opposed to, well, that's a clear camouflage, right? I mean, predators camouflage. And one of the things that's essential for women and men to do is to spot the signs of predators. I mean, if you're a zebra in Africa and you catch a whiff of lion, you better start running. You don't sit there and say, well, I don't really see anything. Don't glance around, right? You're just going to get your ass chewed off. So it's also a shortcut to say this guy is super confident, therefore he must be competent and good as a whole. Whereas, of course, one thing that con men consistently do, and con women, of course, is to imitate confidence, to pretend to be confident in order to prey upon their victims. In the same way, the lion doesn't just stand up and say, all right, zebras, I'm going to give you 10 seconds. Like he pretends to not be a lion, right? He pretends to be a patch of grass or he goes up, he goes downwind so they can't smell him, right? So the lion pretends to not be a lion in order to pray. And insecure people pretend to not be insecure, or predatory people pretend not to be predatory, and the way they do that is to fake attributes of confidence in order to exploit people.
[1:05:59] Right.
[1:06:02] So, that is young people protection 101. But taking the shortcut is, well, he appears to be competent and confident. Sorry, he appears. He is confident. And therefore, he must have value.
[1:06:22] Okay.
[1:06:25] And, or, in your early 40s, well, he's around. He's a known quantity. I've dated him before. So I know what I'm getting into. He's eager. He's available. It's kind of why I asked who made the first move. And so I can just slide into this, so to speak. Like, this is easy. I don't have to go out there and have people ask me troubling questions about my past and vet me and all that kind of stuff, right?
[1:06:51] Correct.
[1:06:51] So the easy path. And I assume that your father was also a charming and, and a big, big, loud, whatever, confident swagger guy. And, and your mom was just like, well, it must be so.
[1:07:07] Right.
[1:07:08] Which is like a man being totally shocked when his girlfriend removes her makeup and spanks.
[1:07:15] Yeah.
[1:07:21] So, and so, yeah, my, my concern there is the, and, and how did you meet your current partner?
[1:07:31] Um, he and my ex-husband, um, were friends on a sports website.
[1:07:39] Sorry, he's, hang on, hang on. So this is the ex-husband who you supported for four years because he was a raging drunk.
[1:07:50] Yes.
[1:07:51] And your current partner was friends with him.
[1:07:55] Yes. He and his wife at the time lived up north. And they had met on this, like I say, it's a sport website. And they would talk back and forth. And eventually they exchanged phone numbers. And they'd talk and they became friends.
[1:08:12] Sorry, and how long ago was that?
[1:08:16] Probably, okay, let's see, probably seven, eight years ago.
[1:08:20] Okay. And when did you divorce your second husband?
[1:08:27] Um, I don't know. And July of 19th, 2019.
[1:08:39] Okay. So your current partner was friends with your ex-husband when he was raging drunk and leeching off you financially. Hang on, do you not see that as a red flag at all?
[1:09:01] Yeah, I guess so.
[1:09:03] Well, it is.
[1:09:04] Yeah, well.
[1:09:05] Do you think there's anyone in my circle of friends who is a raging drunk and leeching off his wife while pretending he's going to get a job?
[1:09:15] No. No.
[1:09:18] So he doesn't have a great judge of character or he has a good judge of character and is willing to put up with some fairly trashy behavior, right?
[1:09:26] At times, yeah. And he even told my ex, he goes, man, if you don't get your shit together, he goes, she's going to divorce you. And he's like, oh, no, she won't. He said, because I'm Catholic, she won't divorce me. He's like, you want to bet? Keep acting like that.
[1:09:42] Okay. I assume that he didn't stay friends with your ex post-divorce.
[1:09:46] No. Well, they didn't. He cut his friendship up before we divorced.
[1:09:51] Oh, because of your bad husband, bad behavior?
[1:09:54] Yeah even before we were separated because he's like man it just was out of control his drunkenness and you know he'd call and they he'd argue and all this other stuff he's like i just can't deal with that anymore you know so they didn't they quit communicating.
[1:10:07] Okay got it all right so this is another guy you didn't actually have to go out and win him he was just part of your circle, yes okay okay all right so um what do you think emotion and sorry you've been together with him for four years do i have that right yeah.
[1:10:30] We moved under in and together under the same roof separate rooms to start a business we weren't um emotionally involved at that point.
[1:10:39] Right but you moved in together right.
[1:10:44] Well like i said i had my room he had his we didn't sleep together.
[1:10:49] No no i get that i get that so like roommates yeah okay so that's you know sleeping with your roommate is one of the, you don't have to cross any high mountains you just have to go across the hall so to speak which i'm not saying it's bad i'm just saying it's not benefits right yeah yeah Okay. All right. So did you guys get vaccinated?
[1:11:13] No way.
[1:11:14] Okay. So what happened in your business? You said that the prices of everything went through the roof. You couldn't get permits because people weren't in the government offices and nobody was going out. Nobody was really spending much money. And so you kind of, the whole business just kind of folded. Is that right?
[1:11:33] Well, it was put on hold. And then I have a question for you. um so is this going to be on your podcast.
[1:11:45] Uh-huh okay.
[1:11:47] How much do you charge for a private session.
[1:11:52] Oh i can tell you that after um if you want.
[1:11:55] The reason i'm asking because there are some things that you know i just don't really want out there.
[1:12:00] You listen do not talk about anything you're not comfortable with it's totally fine uh did did the close and you don't have to answer this one either did the closing of the business, did that also cost you financially? Did that? Because I mean, I've certainly, personally, I've been on the hook for crazy amounts of money for business sometimes.
[1:12:16] It cost my partner, you know, because he funded it. I was the other side of it. I was doing, you know, the prep, the shopping, getting everything together and the cleaning and all this. He was the financial backing and he'd help me and then he would go and work his job. I'd bring, you know, the business home and I clean it up and restock and all that for the next day.
[1:12:39] Right. Okay. All right. So he lost money on the business closure, right?
[1:12:44] Yes.
[1:12:45] Okay. All right. And do you think it closed too soon, too late or at about the right time?
[1:12:53] I think about it at the right time because we tried to hold on as long as we could because things started getting more expensive. I'll give you a prime example because it's like I've always told him, and I've always done this my whole life. I mean, growing up, we used to coupon, and it was awesome. You find something on sale, you use a coupon, you get it cheaper, and back in the day, every now and then, they have double or even triple coupons. so i've always been you know i was always born and raised to be very oh i'm coupon mad.
[1:13:24] Yeah i'm coupon mad.
[1:13:25] You don't have to.
[1:13:25] Sell that on me yeah.
[1:13:26] So you know and now they don't put coupons in the papers anymore which is terrible but um anyway so we were gonna create these meatballs so i started pricing ground meat and i'm like oh my god it was through the roof so they had these roasts on sale So what I did, I bought the roast, I brought them home and ground them, you know, so I was being creative and I wasn't, you know, I'm always been frugal and I'm going to find the best price. And whether I, like I tell him, I don't care if I have $1 or a million dollars, I'm not going to shop any different than I do. And so I was shopping sales to try and get the most bang for our buck, you know, to make this happen. but everything just got so out of control expensive and i think we hung on as long as we could without just total a flip i mean we even changed our locations and it just didn't, you know we'd get busy for a little bit and then it would just die off right you know and then product's gonna go bad so you have to you know you know it's just it was crazy you know so Timing was a really bad thing So we shut that one down And um, Like I said, then last year or year before, I found a job here and I worked for like nine months. And then it was, like I said, dead end job. And so that was the big box job.
[1:14:54] Right?
[1:14:54] Yeah.
[1:14:55] OK.
[1:14:55] He's like, well, if you're willing to work on this, you know, and make this happen, he goes, you know, I'll take over the bills. And so that he bought a new computer, you know, so I could do the software on it. So it's been a learning experience because I've never been a techie, you know, with computers and stuff.
[1:15:14] I mean, I can do spreadsheets and all that. But so it's been a whole new thing of learning a new software, a whole new computer system, because I have, you know, a PC and he's got Apple.
[1:15:28] No, no, I understand. I understand. I understand. So and this is sort of one of my concerns. And listen, I'd be the last person to talk out of pursuing a dream, particularly an entrepreneurial dream. But my concern is that neither of you have particular media experience or software experience or YouTube experience or any of that sort of stuff. That's kind of what I was asking earlier. I mean, for me, I had done a whole bunch of, I mean, I spoke at conferences before I started my show. I was on the debating club. I studied philosophy. I sort of had a lot of backdrop and background for this kind of stuff. and it's not saying it can't happen but what i'm saying is that you are trying to go into one of the most ridiculously competitive areas in media with no particular experience and that again it's not impossible but that's going to be quite a quite a challenge.
[1:16:19] Right and i like a challenge and you know i've been.
[1:16:24] Yeah the question is just the challenge like you though, And that's sort of my question about how to differentiate. I guess my concern is that you are seven years from retirement or whenever it might be, right? And you are putting unpaid time and effort into something which is very low odds of significant success.
[1:16:51] It's not like playing the lottery, I get that, but you are foregoing revenue for the sake of hoping to stand out with no particular experience in the highly competitive YouTube channel market.
[1:17:04] And you don't have experience. I mean, I had, and I'm not trying to tout myself at all, right? I'm just saying that what I did was not an accident. I mean, one of the most important things I had to do at the beginning of my show was I spent 80% of my time marketing. Now, I had been a director of marketing at a pretty important software company for years. So I knew what I was doing. And as far as that goes, I already had technical experience, so I could do all of the website and computers and coding and all of the stuff there. So I just had a good combination of skills and whatever the magic source is that I have. And I suppose from the outside in saying, okay, well, you were in the hospitality industry then you worked at a big box store and your partner is a long-haul trucker and you're gonna make it big in the youtube space obviously it's not impossible but you know it's not impossible to win the lottery but we don't so i guess my concern is that that that you are reducing your i mean you're really throwing everything on a very long shot here right because otherwise you could be working hard to try and build up your savings for retirement but instead you're doing this where the odds of success particularly given the lack of experience is very low and that's my concern that you're um it's sort of the magical thinking like i can reform the bad boy is i can make my retirement on on youtube.
[1:18:33] Well, it's not unheard of. People have done it and still do it. You know, they start out small and you go back and you look at even some of these YouTube channels out there and you look at some of their first ones and you're like, oh, wow, you know, they've come a long way.
[1:18:47] So I know that's like looking at people who've won the lottery and saying that works, that happens. because okay what happens in the high likelihood that this doesn't work and doesn't make you money, right what happens to your like what do you have to do if you spend a year or two without pay and spending money to some degree and buy the computer and the software and so on and the cameras or whatever it is that you're going to be doing learn how to edit like it's going to be a lot of work right and what what what is your time frame say okay if it doesn't work in x amount of time we'll stop what is that in your mind.
[1:19:35] Um we haven't really set a timeline.
[1:19:41] Okay but what does your gut say.
[1:19:45] I say i mean i want to have something up and running on the channel within a couple months, you know by the let's see where we at downward april march march i would like to have the channel up and running no later than the end of june if not prior to that.
[1:20:02] And i mean originally we wanted originally sorry go ahead originally.
[1:20:08] We wanted to have it up and running on the first of the year, but that didn't happen. And that was a lot on me because like I said, I've just, I'm in this hole that I'm trying to dig myself out of, you know, I'm trying to find, get my motivation back and, you know, the positive attitude that I used to have and all of that, you know, like I said, the biggest thing that's holding me back right now is myself.
[1:20:32] Well, that's maybe, maybe, I don't know. I mean, I'm still sort of trying to feel my way forward here but, so you're going to be six months behind right, yes okay and what's your first video going to be.
[1:20:55] Top 10 reasons dogs are good people.
[1:20:57] Top 10 reasons dogs are good people okay got it and, And how long do you think the video is going to be?
[1:21:09] It's 20 minutes. That one's done. It's in the can. I'm trying to build up several so we can launch several at once instead of just having one at a time.
[1:21:18] Okay. And how do you get people to watch?
[1:21:32] Um, that's a good question. It's going to be on how you, what you put in the, uh, in the, what's it called? How you title it and all this, because the thing is, and you can use all kinds of other, you know, tags in it, you know, so when people, because people love top 10 list. If you go there and you just go to YouTube and you put top 10, you know, whatever.
[1:22:01] You don't have to explain YouTube to me. I was like the third guy on YouTube. Okay. So how many YouTube channels are there?
[1:22:10] Millions.
[1:22:11] A hundred million. As of early 2025, we have over a hundred million YouTube channels, right? So how do you get known? What's your plan? How do you do it?
[1:22:29] Well you get you know you start with people that we know get it out there get them to share it, and you know build through that and then people you know will will find it I think I mean you through um you know making it like I said it's not like there's so many out there and we've watched so many and we're making it different so you get that person on there for that first click and make it stand out you're gonna we're gonna get followers we're gonna build it up.
[1:23:02] Okay so there are a hundred over a hundred million youtube channels uh.
[1:23:07] Worldwide um i.
[1:23:10] Don't know how many subs you'd need um but let's say i don't know a million a million subs there are fewer than 42,000 out of the 100 million. There are fewer than 42,000 YouTube channels with over a million subscribers.
[1:23:26] Uh-huh.
[1:23:31] And that is very tough. Actually, let's see here. Oh, I'm just looking here. There's some lot of later data. There's no later data. 31 million channels have subs. Okay, so, yeah. So it is, now, 31 million channels have surpassed the 100, no, that can't be right, 2.2 million Karelias on YouTube, I don't believe that, not with 100 million YouTube channels. So what I'm saying is that the odds are very low. Now, I happened to start very early in YouTube, and so it was sort of, there was a novelty factor, much less competition. so how much income do you need to generate like there's the hope to generate and then there's the need to generate how much income do you need to generate from youtube to cover your bills and save for your retirement.
[1:24:29] I would like to say at a minute, at a thousand a week, you know, initially, and then grow from there, which is not an unheard of number.
[1:24:40] So what is your, so can, if you get a thousand, so you get $52,000 a year, right? If you get $52,000 a year, is that going to be enough for you to retire on?
[1:24:58] Well i think initially starting that's a low number as far as for what we want to do and it'll grow from there maybe i'm being too optimistic but i see this opportunity to really you know is 52 000 enough to retire oh no but i think if we can get this initially started like this and grow it from there yeah you know okay.
[1:25:21] So did you know roughly how many views you need to get per week to get a thousand dollars.
[1:25:32] Well see that's the thing it depends because of you know people have people you can you have to have a thousand subscribers before you can even get monetized which i know you know all this and then you know you have to get people to like it you got to have to get them to watch it because it depends on how long a person actually watches a video if they only watch part of it you don't get paid for the whole thing i mean if you get you know if they don't watch the ad if they skip through it so there's a lot of factors in there yeah.
[1:26:05] So i i know that but just still you have to make even though there's lots of factors you have to uh figure figure that out right so to get $1,000 a week. So YouTube revenue per 100,000 views is $500 to $700. And now it depends because YouTube revenue per 100k views, if you are talking about ad views, that's a little different. So let's just say that you need 100 to 200,000 views a week to get to your $1,000 a week, Give or take, right? I mean, could be more, could be less, but something like that, right?
[1:26:46] Uh-huh.
[1:26:48] So, let's see, 150,000 views, that would get you to maybe $1,000 a week. Now, is that the income you need or, you know, you've got your taxes, you've got your overhead, you've got to pay yourself salaries, you know, the salaries would come out of that. So, is that what you want, $1,000 a week in the bank account or $1,000 a week gross? Yeah.
[1:27:12] $1,000 a week in the bank account, you know?
[1:27:15] Okay. So, again, don't have to tell me where you are, but, you know, I'm sure you've done this kind of stuff before where you get your gross income into the LLC or the corporation, and then you've got your various taxes and payrolls and this and that and the other deductions and all that kind of stuff. so um you you probably gonna need uh closer to 225 200 225 000 views uh a week to to get your thousand net and like none of this is business advice and this is really off the seat of my pants so you know don't take any of this as as gospel um but oh.
[1:27:55] I'm gonna say step on set.
[1:27:56] Yeah yeah yeah no i'm just look obviously you know maybe yeah and and um it um so, let's see here yeah so i'm looking here youtube revenue per 500 000 views is 2500 to 3500 but um it's higher for ad uh ad views right so yeah.
[1:28:22] There's definitely a lot of you know things that go into it is to put like you say people watch the ads if they watch the whole thing if they only watch a part of it so there's definitely a lot of you know how how to get paid on that there's a lot of factors that are beyond your you know beyond your control it depends on whoever's watching it so that's why you have to make it.
[1:28:42] Yeah and there's a guy named kaz sawyer he's got 2.7 million subscribers he's post stunts and challenge videos he uh he makes a dollar 61, RPM. I think that's revenue per million. So... uh he gets uh 1610 dollars per million views however there's other people who get more than that per million views so yeah yeah so uh again i think i think you need and i've got affiliate links and there's other ways of monetizing you could have a swag shop you know there's there's things that uh can do all of that but let's see here so if at 225 i'm just going to look at 225 thousand views so i i'm trying to do this live so i i think that um.
[1:29:34] Uh your startup costs in terms of maybe you need to uh you you would spend i assume some time again this is off the seat of my pants but i assume you would spend some time you you create your top 10 reasons dogs are better people is that did i have that title good people yeah so you would you would take that to uh various forums and you would post this hilarious you know this i found this hilarious and and so on and you would try and get uh i mean i remember back in the day i would go to all the various philosophy forums and parenting forums and and economics forums and just post my videos and it was like mindlessly dull work but uh i kind of had to just sort of raise interest that way and then i moved into doing interviews which helped a lot so uh so yeah the the challenge of of how to market and how to grow and differentiate yourself from the 100 million channels to the point where you can get into the um 100 000 out of 100 million is uh is pretty small and again it's not impossible i don't want to say obviously i'm not trying to But you have to, you can't manage what you don't measure, right? So you have to have, the big trick with entrepreneurship is everybody just wants to grind forward and put stuff out and cross their fingers and you feel like you're being productive. But yeah.
[1:31:01] You need to have a goal, right? So if we want to get to the $1,000 a week and if you can get that, right? I mean, that's great because then hopefully that stays, you know, you keep producing videos and it grows from there.
[1:31:13] Right.
[1:31:14] But it's hard to get visibility. It's hard to be differentiated and it's hard to know if you have the magic sauce, that makes things great, right? I mean, so they say this sort of in the movie or entertainment industry, nobody knows what they're doing because everybody wants to make The Godfather. Everybody wants to make, you know, The Sixth Sense. Everybody wants to make, and even M. Night Shyamalan, who made The Sixth Sense, has not made a movie nearly as good since, in my view, right? So everybody wants to make a hit movie. Every songwriter wants to make a hit song. And people pour all of this money into things. And still, it's really hard to know. Even with the best talent in the world, it's hard to know what's going to click and what's going to suddenly become viral and so on. And so, that there is a certain amount of just good luck magic sauce that goes into entrepreneurship and.
[1:32:10] So i guess maybe your lack of enthusiasm your lack of energy is i don't know that you've sort of fairly strictly defined what it is to be successful and i'm also concerned that rather than doing something else to make money that you know will make money which would be you know working or whatever it is uh you're you're really throwing all of your dice on youtube, yeah and i don't know listen i mean saying it happens is not a business plan, right saying it could happen is not a business plan correct and you already had the you know i'll fund this guy for four years maybe and on on the grounds that he'll stop drinking and get a job, so you've done your i hope that this base guy uh is is on the up and up about you know how confident and successful he is right so you've done a whole lot of cross your finger stuff right I hope that the guy who's a raging drunken and gets off DUIs because of political connections, I hope he turns out to be a good partner. I mean, you've done a lot of crossing your fingers, and maybe you just burned out on that.
[1:33:30] Right.
[1:33:33] So you need to, I mean, maybe rather than just grinding your way forward and hoping for the best, which hasn't worked out too well in the past, it's time to say, okay, how is this actually going to happen? Just putting videos on YouTube and hoping for the best is not a strategy, and it's not going to work.
[1:33:51] Right.
[1:33:53] Right. I mean, so if, and especially if you say, well, look, these kinds of videos are very popular. Now, The problem with that is that stuff which is very popular draws everyone to it. And people who've got, you know, 20 years of media experience and 10 years experience on YouTube, who've polished things to a fine craft, who have, you know, 10 million subscribers, and they go to them because they're a known quantity of quality.
[1:34:23] And like most people, if there's a YouTube video that comes up and you see it has like, you know, 23 views, you're very unlikely to click on it. Whereas if you see 2.9 million views, there's a sort of democratic vote of quality there, which makes people more likely. So saying, well, listen, I'm producing the highest, like the most popular form of content.
[1:34:42] It's like, right. And that's both a strength and a weakness. I mean, nobody did philosophy shows at the beginning of YouTube. So I was really kind of out of left field. But if you say, well, you know, the top 10 lists are very popular. sure but that means that people who've got like 15 years head start on you are cranking those things out with a full production team of very experienced people right and so aiming at the most popular is is is kind of an opportunity but if i was an investor or something i would say so you're going up against the most successful and popular youtubers and you have no particular experience in the field and you don't really know marketing and like so so just produce i guess my concern is that maybe the energy is not there because this is a real cross your fingers roll the dice scenario and i don't know that you have like producing the video is 10 of the work.
[1:35:52] Okay. So what's the other 90%?
[1:35:54] Well, the other 90% is figuring out how to get people to watch it.
[1:35:59] To click on it.
[1:36:01] Yeah. Out of 100 million channels. And of course, if people are searching for top 10 dog videos, like top 10 list of dog videos, or most popular dog videos, where's your new video going to be on the list?
[1:36:18] Right.
[1:36:20] It's it's going to be non-existent, because youtube is going to prioritize, the videos with the most views and the channels with the most subscribers unless again you're a philosophy channel but let's not make it about me so how are you going to get people to watch it that's the big challenge, and i don't have an answer to that because other than you know maybe you could post on forums and stuff like that but even to get to the thousand subscribers you have to get people to watch the videos and click on subscribe and usually click on the notification bell and all this kinds of stuff they have to love your videos and then they have to share them and of course you know it has something to do with the quality of the video and i'm sure the video is fine but there's going to be a lot of trial and error because you don't have experience in this media field you don't have experience on in YouTube videos. So you're going to do stuff that is fun for you and cool for you. And maybe there is a big overlap, but odds are there's going to have to be a fair amount of adjustment. And I don't know if that's part of your thinking. It's not a magic money machine, right? Obviously, if YouTube was a magic money machine, nobody would have a job everybody would be doing it.
[1:37:43] Would be making millions of dollars right.
[1:37:45] Right so is there something you think that you're not seeing that is a barrier to success because there are massive barriers to success on social media.
[1:38:04] Um, I'm not quite sure what you're asking.
[1:38:08] Why? I mean, let's, let's take a, um, let's take a silly example, right?
[1:38:15] Yeah.
[1:38:16] OnlyFans.
[1:38:18] Uh, yeah.
[1:38:19] I know, I know. I'm not going to the site, even though I have a channel there. I'm not going to the site. But OnlyFans models make an average of what per month?
[1:38:31] I have no idea.
[1:38:34] I actually had this uh sorry i just need to look that up i i looked this up for a show, uh some some years ago now this of course is not one-to-one right obviously but in general in in the the more raw the meritocracy the um the more this Pareto distribution, right? Do OF models make? Oh, it doesn't like only. Only foot. I don't know. I don't get the foot thing. I really don't. All right.
[1:39:19] Yeah.
[1:39:22] So only fans models uh make about 150 a month on average.
[1:39:29] What, that's that's good that's good they don't need to be making that i'm sorry i don't me personally i i don't like you know i think it's oh no no it's terrible yeah no it's terrible right you know but that's, an interesting stat so.
[1:39:51] Let's see here, wow, um i'm just looking at um, And, of course, most people, most of the money goes to, like, 1% of the people. I mean, like actors, like just sports people, musicians, and all of that kind of stuff. But let's see here.
[1:40:30] So, ads. Oh, God. so uh they make make about yeah make about 1300 a year, uh and so 1500 sorry 1300 a year uh that's the average right now of course there's a small you know the one percent two percent that make a lot more which means of course that the vast majority are making less uh in terms of the numbers right so because there's a bulge right at the a lot of bulges on on only fans so so in terms of that model uh you're probably looking to get into the you know to start saving for retirement and so on you're probably looking to get into the top you know i would say five to seven percent of uh youtubers now assuming that you have all of the, you know, just magic sauce talent to produce interesting and compelling videos, then you have to get everything out there and get people to watch. And then you have to have a website and you have to engage with your audience. And maybe you have a message board where people make suggestions and give you feedback and, you know, you just got to guide things all that, that kind of way. So do the odds that I'm talking about, or do the numbers that I'm talking about, do they surprise you.
[1:41:55] Um, not so much because I did look into that before we got, before we started to see what we would have to do to really generate, you know, revenue and how much we'd have to grow the channel.
[1:42:05] So I get that, but, but in terms of how many people actually do that?
[1:42:11] Yeah. Oh yeah. That was a little surprising.
[1:42:13] Okay. I'm going to ask how many YouTube channels make, we're going to go real specific here, a thousand dollars a week. This is probably not going to give me a good answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't give me this AI slop. All right, hang on just a second. Let me just...
[1:42:41] Yeah, you can't even get a straight answer.
[1:42:43] Well, that's a pretty specialized question, so I kind of get that. But I'm just going to ask here. i'm going to do deep search and we'll see if it can try and try and figure this out, and it might take, he's trying to dig it out yeah there's none there's not how many channels make a thousand dollars weekly but it's going to try and figure this out as a whole i i'm still kind of blown away by this research stuff in ai it's a pretty wild yeah it really.
[1:43:20] Is you know and it's it's funny because you know whenever i am researching stuff and one thing i have enjoyed too because like doing this um youtube and i swear the research that i do it's like it's really you know it's like it's educational it's like i've learned some pretty interesting stuff, You know, it's coming out for some of our videos.
[1:43:42] I'm like, I did not know that I did not know that and it's like It's really pretty cool. You know some ground great groundbreaking things.
[1:43:54] Uh what have we got here starting to get oh, all right i i never know how long it's going to take so so yeah i guess my my concern is is look if you're aware that you're taking a big risk right because look i mean with all entrepreneurial stuff you really have to look at the downside and the downside is you spend a couple of years on this and get virtually nothing and then you're even more in the hole yeah and then what.
[1:44:28] Yep because i ain't getting any younger.
[1:44:34] Well you're kind of in an emergency situation yeah if you only have five percent of the money you need for retirement, and so i guess if you think that this is how you're going to solve it, right then i think that's not realistic now could it sure but again i'm not saying it's the same as winning the lottery but uh it's it's a low odds of success again right very few people make a lot of money and it's like top couple of percentage of people you have no experience and and no marketing experience and no business experience in this area no media experience and so on and so So, I mean, to be brutally frank, I mean, if a friend of yours came to you and said, well, my partner is a long-distance trucker, and I had a job at a big-box store, but we're going to make a fortune on YouTube, what would you say? Would you invest?
[1:45:45] Probably not initially.
[1:45:47] Right. Right.
[1:45:49] Show me some proof.
[1:45:51] Right.
[1:45:52] So...
[1:45:59] So, it's not the most likely scenario, right? It would be like me saying, I'm 58 years old, and I'm going to go and become an actor. Like, okay, does it happen to some people? At least I have some acting training or whatever, right? But I wouldn't put a lot of odds on it.
[1:46:22] Right.
[1:46:23] And again, that's not... Look, if I were to go to people and say, do you want to invest in a philosophy channel on this new website called YouTube, people would be like, I don't even know how to evaluate that. I'm not going to do any of that, right? So I get all that. But if a friend of yours said, we have no marketing experience, no media experience, no media business experience, and we've never done anything like this before, but we're going to make money on YouTube, we would like you to invest $20,000, would you give them the $20,000?
[1:46:57] What do you need $20,000 for to start a YouTube channel?
[1:47:01] Well, we need to pay ourselves while we put the YouTube channel together and create the videos.
[1:47:07] We need to buy the computers. We need to like whatever, right?
[1:47:15] Probably not.
[1:47:16] Right. And why not?
[1:47:21] Well, because, you know, you know, you don't need to have, I mean, you can start out with very basic stuff, you know, and I mean, I'm looking at both sides of it. I mean, maybe like down the road, if, you know, you were showing success and then you needed to upgrade your, you know, the office area, you know, wherever that you're doing this and you needed computers and mics and the whole nine yards, once you grow that to that point, perhaps then, but not just starting out because you can start with a computer and basic stuff you don't have to have the best of the best and everything initially to start and and create a good product.
[1:47:58] Right okay so let us see what grok says the deep search crapped out so i said how many youtube channels make a thousand dollars a week she said oh the grok said there's no exact figure.
[1:48:15] But educated estimate, blah, blah, blah. So to earn $1,000 a week from YouTube absence alone, one of the most common revenue sources, a channel would need a substantial number of views. Average payout is about $3 to $5 per thousand video views after YouTube's 45% cut. This translates to roughly 200,000 to 333,000 views per week, assuming the channel relies solely on ads. For example, a channel with 100,000 subscribers might earn $600 to $1,000 per week if all subscribers watch two new videos weekly, but in reality, not all subscribers watch every video and non-subscriber videos also contribute. Smaller channels with a thousand subscribers typically earn $50 to $100 monthly from ads, far below the thousand weekly threshold. As of early 2025, YouTube has over 51 million active channels. I guess the 100 million was including inactive channels. So YouTube has over 51 million active channels, but only a fraction are monetized through the YouTube Partner Program, which requires at least 1,000 subscribers and 4,000 watch hours in the past year, or 10 million short views in 90 days.
[1:49:23] Estimates suggest around 1 to 2 million channels are in the YouTube Partner Program, though not all disclose earnings. Among these, only a small percentage are likely to hit $1,000 a week. Channels with 100,000 or more subscribers, about 0.3% of all channels, or roughly 150,000 channels, have a better shot, But even then, earnings are very widely based upon engagement and niche. For example, finance or tech channels often see higher revenues per thousand views of 15 to 25, while gaming might average 4 to 8.
[1:49:55] Okay so considering these factors a rough estimate might place the number of channels earning a thousand dollars or more per week in the tens of thousands globally perhaps 20,000 to 50,000 this is speculative as it hinges on viewership consistency monetization beyond ads like virtual memberships and high value audiences viewers from the US or UK so yeah so you're looking to be three out of a thousand channels. And so I guess in terms of knowing what the risks are, I think that's important. And the odds of your success in terms of hitting $1,000, and again, just $1,000 gross, we're talking net, right? So outside of taxes and expenses, or EBITDA, whatever they call it right so you're looking to be two out of a thousand.
[1:50:56] Channels and and so 0.2 because the 0.3 is the thousand gross so and there are already people in the market that you are trying to sell into right so the odds of success are very low now Now, again, that's fine, but I don't know if you are processing that. And I think your emotions are processing that, and I think that's why your energy is low.
[1:51:26] Oh, okay. That makes sense.
[1:51:34] Yeah, and again, how well has the easy path worked out for you? dating a guy in his 30s because he's already established rather than going through the struggle phase dating a guy you've dated before who's around and available rather than going out to find someone who's really high quality and he turns out to be a raging drunk and and you you know blow through four years of income and all of that so i guess my concern is as a whole, i i say taking the easy path has not worked out as it generally doesn't right and so if you're like oh i'm suddenly panicking about money i'm going to spend when did you first start working on the youtube stuff.
[1:52:18] Um like august of last year.
[1:52:21] Okay so it'll be close to a year before you get your first video out right probably.
[1:52:29] But hopefully not.
[1:52:30] I thought you said it was july june july june if it's.
[1:52:34] Like the first of june but i'm you know i'm hoping before then i'm you know i really want to get this going and.
[1:52:39] Get out there if the video i'm sorry for my ignorance of this if the video is done why do you have to wait until june to put it out.
[1:52:48] Because we want to put have more than just one go up or have like you know several to where we can drop on every few days instead of just having one and then it'd be a week later that's why.
[1:53:01] Especially so you need that yeah you need a okay yeah got it all right so you will have put a year into this right when your first video comes out now you have again 65 could be longer right but so you've taken a year out of when you first started uh you were 57 right so you had eight years so you've taken like 12 percent of your remaining working time for no pay when you don't have enough nearly enough money for retirement, right that's really risky, right uh-huh no i don't i don't think we're on the same page about this no.
[1:53:51] I i totally hear and agree with what you're saying.
[1:53:54] So are you aware of this risk i look at it that way five percent of what you need saved up for retirement and you're burning up a year on a long shot a really long shot yeah, or is this cross your fingers no it is cross your fingers no seriously i gotta tell you straight up sister this is cross your fingers if this was a side hustle okay but this is your full-time job for a year when it's when you get when you're done right almost 10 months plus so, so that's my concern and i think that your energy is is this another other, Cross your fingers and hope, which has never worked out for you in the past. And it generally doesn't work out in life. In fact, you know, like the people who are like, hey, the first time I played the lottery, I won. You know, those people are toxic and dangerous in a way because they give people an illusion of bad math, right? Like, I mean, the first time I played poker, I won 500 bucks. And I've never really played poker again because I know that's never going to happen again.
[1:55:10] It's like people that go to the casino. know they go and they hit and they're like oh if i keep playing i'll i can maybe win more yeah you know what happens if you don't take that money and leave it's gonna suck it all back and some more if you put it in right.
[1:55:21] And so the people who make it big on youtube are usually people who have a lot of experience prior to it and you don't.
[1:55:35] Correct and.
[1:55:37] So the odds of it's not quite like the same, like, you know, I've never really played tennis before, but I'm sure I can win this tournament because that would be functionally impossible. But it is a super long shot. I do not recommend it as a retirement strategy. Now, obviously, I'm not a financial advisor. So this is just an idiot amateur opinion of mine, right? But if you were a friend of mine, and you were saying, well, I've made pretty bad decisions, which have rendered me in my late 50s with 5% of the money I need for retirement. So I'm going to burn up a year with no prior experience trying to make money off YouTube. I'd say, stop trying to do the shortcuts.
[1:56:20] They don't work out. I would give you advice, friend to friend, not financial advice. I would give you advice, friend to friend to saying, whatever you need to do, was it Dave Ramsey? There's a guy who does this on YouTube. But whatever you need to do with regards to your finances, I don't think when you're low on money, burning up a year with no income on a super long shot is the way to go.
[1:56:48] Okay.
[1:56:48] I mean, if you've taken all the money that you've used to support yourself and buy lottery tickets, you might end up with a higher chance. I don't know, right? What was your, and you don't have to obviously give me any details, but when you were sort of at your peak earnings in the hospitality industry, were you like 75K a year, 100K a year, 50K a year? What sort of bracket roughly were you in?
[1:57:12] About 70. About 70, okay. 60 to 70, depending.
[1:57:15] Right, okay. Okay. So if you, and again, we'll just work with gross figures here, though, of course, I'm perfectly aware that there's tons of deductions, right? But if you were to just make $70,000 times the eight years you have remaining, that gives you $560,000.
[1:57:37] Right? Right.
[1:57:38] Now, that's not perfect, of course, right? And you have some savings, and of course, you're living relatively cheap because you have a roommate, right? So, if you take, you know, $560,000 and you invest it at 7%, you're pulling almost $40,000 a year. Now, that's tight and lean, but it's survivable, right?
[1:58:02] Absolutely.
[1:58:03] And again, I know that that's all just gross and there's tons of other factors involved in all of that, right? But that is a path to a sustainable retirement in a way, right? this is probably not, Now, I'm not saying don't put a video out. I'm not saying, but as far as, you know, full time, I mean, did it take, what would it be, August, August? I mean, did it take six or seven months to produce one 20-minute video?
[1:58:47] Well, it took a long time, like I said, partly because I was in this rut. But when I had to learn a whole new operating system, I had to learn the software, to learn how to edit and all this other stuff, how to, you know, get the videos.
[1:59:00] No, no, I'm aware of all of that. But.
[1:59:04] I'd say six months to get the first one out. But I know I could have done it quicker if my mind were in the right place. Absolutely.
[1:59:12] Right. so how long do you said you wanted to you want to release two videos a week or a video or two a week is that right yes so how do you get the production time down from six months to three days.
[1:59:30] Well like on the one i'm working on right now it can be done because like i said because i've learned the software i've learned other things i can get a video you know if i have the audio able to go with it and everything i can pull a video together easily in a week if not less that's what i'm working to get that town time down you know quicker and quicker.
[1:59:51] It's just it.
[1:59:53] Was a big learning curve for me and like i said plus i'm fighting with my own self in my head.
[1:59:57] Okay and so so so let's just just finish up here because i think this is this is important obviously it's all important so what is the what is the fight i think the fight is you got a deep understanding of the statistical virtual impossibility of what you're trying to do and you're reaching for the gold and probably falling off a cliff financially. Because if this doesn't work and you spend another couple of years on it, you're toast for retirement, aren't you? Like you're going to be a Walmart greeter into your 80s.
[2:00:29] Hello, welcome to Walmart.
[2:00:30] Right. But you don't want to do that, right?
[2:00:33] No, absolutely not.
[2:00:34] Right. So, whereas if you just get a job, uh, and I know say just get a job, like it's just, you know, snap your fingers and I get all of that, but you know, uh, with, um, with a long career comes a lot of contacts, right? People who you call up and say, do you know of anyone? Are you hiring and all of that? Right. So, so are you trying to take an easy path rather than grind your way to some kind of financial security through working through 65?
[2:01:06] Absolutely not. I've never taken an easy path.
[2:01:10] I thought we just did this whole thing that with your dating, that you kind of took the easy path.
[2:01:18] I've never, okay, I have never not worked or had income or anything like that. This is a whole different thing to me too and this is probably what's part of the issue in my head but i'm not yes but you're doing.
[2:01:33] It sorry but you're doing it now when you're close to retirement and broke, So what is it in your mind that feels depressed or down about this stuff, the YouTube stuff? If that's what it's about, it could be something else completely, but assuming that it's something, because it sort of did coincide with you, the last business failing, the COVID stuff, and casting about, and then the big box store stuff and all of that, right? and and you're particularly unmotivated with regards to this project right the youtube channel is that right.
[2:02:15] No i'm i'm motivated but to actually you know i mean when i i sit there i'm working on and i enjoy it i really enjoy it and like i said i love putting it together and doing everything that needs to be done to make it happen but it's just getting to that point i mean to i'm sorry i.
[2:02:33] Thought you told me the whole thing about how it's taking you forever because you're kind of unmotivated.
[2:02:38] Right. When I actually sit down and get into it, it's to get to that point. It's like I wake up, I'm motivated, but within having my second cup of coffee, it's like it goes out the window. It's a mental game. I don't know. But once I can get my mind in here, I'm good, but it's to get to that point, you know, and sometimes I, I mean, I You know And then I start working on it and then my mind goes in a hundred different ways because I need to do this Or I need to do that. It's like it's always instead of being able to focus on the task at hand You know, There are days where I don't want to get out of bed I'm, just so down and that's just not who I am and you know, i'm trying to figure this out Like I said, I i've always been the one that people come to to talk, you know when they just needed to vent or you know just try and figure something out or whatever so this is a whole new thing for me trying to figure this out right so i don't know you know have you sorry have you done.
[2:03:44] Have you had a medical checkup just in case there's anything that might be uh physical, Again, I'm no doctor, obviously, but I'm generally a big fan of blood work and stuff like that.
[2:03:57] I just don't trust doctors.
[2:03:59] Right.
[2:04:00] And, well, I just, you know, with experiences with family and friends, I just, you know, I just don't have, and my cousin is actually a doctor, but regardless, nothing against him.
[2:04:13] Now, sorry. So how many videos do you aim to have ready for July? June, July?
[2:04:20] June.
[2:04:20] June.
[2:04:21] At least six, if not more.
[2:04:23] Okay. At least six, if not more. So April, May. So in, in sort of two, two and a half months, you're going to do another five videos. Is that right?
[2:04:32] At least.
[2:04:33] And are you on track for that?
[2:04:35] I'm about to, I'm about to finish my second one up today when we get off the phone.
[2:04:39] Okay.
[2:04:40] I've got the audio in there and all that I will have to do is put in my bit, my videos, my pictures and tighten them and the wording and all that.
[2:04:46] And have you shown your video to friends and family? why not.
[2:04:58] I've told them about it they're excited about it but I haven't shown it to anybody.
[2:05:01] Why not I mean movies have test screenings all the time right you want to find out what people like or don't like or what they get or what they don't get or where they might flag sorry go ahead.
[2:05:17] Oh well you know like my partner said you know you're sending it to people that know you so are they going to be truly honest even though you ask them to be you know very to the point honest you know don't worry about hurting my feelings or whatever.
[2:05:30] No but you ask well hang on no but sorry this is just entrepreneur stuff right so what you do is you send it to someone you know and you ask them to play it to someone you don't know, and ask them what they think yeah okay, because you don't necessarily let's say that there's something uh i don't know the music is too intrusive or or whatever it is like something that that you've not noticed because you've worked on it for so long you don't want to keep cranking out videos without getting feedback even on the first one right okay.
[2:06:18] That's a good point.
[2:06:19] See it's funny because i can feel you getting annoyed with me talking okay okay you know like i can feel you get i'm actually making a note i'm actually.
[2:06:29] I'm actually making a note that's why i'm i'm i'm a little which are my answer because i'm making a no that's a good very good point so that's what i'm going to do.
[2:06:37] Right and and but even when i was talking about the extremely low odds of this succeeding to the point where you make a thousand dollars a week net the low odds that was annoying to you as well yeah.
[2:06:52] Right i don't like being told i can't or it probably won't or possibly won't you know and i guess maybe that's a good thing because that's bringing that passion back out in me because like i said it's been gone and i've never been a person that's you know oh you can't do that you know well it's gonna be yes but that's not always a good.
[2:07:12] Thing it's not a good thing to be have that rebellious spirit about everything i mean that that's like uh somebody saying well you know this This guy is a kind of charming, empty-headed bassist guy in his mid-30s trying to date a 22-year-old long distance. There's something wrong. You're like, no, no, no, I can make it work. Right? It's not always a good thing to rebelliously reject mathematical counsel or good counsel. I'm going to do it no matter what.
[2:07:45] Well, then you've just got to plow through everything yourself and make all the mistakes that people could warn you about. right you're like oh yeah this guy's a drinker my dad was a drinker uh but i'm gonna make it work, this guy's got a number of duis but i'm gonna make it work i'm just gonna like this is like this this buckle down bear down and make it work often doesn't work, yeah and sometimes you do need to listen to people trying to help you rather than just like to hell with them don't tell me i can't i'm gonna do it more you know that kind of thing right.
[2:08:25] Yes yeah yep.
[2:08:31] And if in your gut or in your heart you're feeling real nervous, about the odds of this succeeding which you should i've never said don't do it i've heard you i've repeatedly said, I'm not telling you not to do it. And you wouldn't listen to me anyway. I get that. So I'm not telling you not to do it. But what I'm saying is that your gut is telling you something about this that you need to listen to. And you can't just sort of shout it down with, I'm going to do it even harder, or doubt is the enemy, or concern is the enemy, right?
[2:09:07] Right.
[2:09:07] Because what you don't want to do is end up at the age of 60 or 61 or 62, two, still trying to nurse this YouTube channel, having had virtually no income for years, and then be further behind them when you started. That's a real risk. You know, it's like the people who are like, I'm going to go be an actor in LA. And it's like, sure. I mean, but... But recognize that the odds of success are very low.
[2:09:40] Yeah.
[2:09:41] Otherwise, everybody would be an actor and nobody would be in the audience, right? So that's my point is not do it or don't do it. I mean, but my point is that you need to be realistic about the odds of success. And this can't be the only plan for your retirement. It can't be, in my opinion.
[2:10:02] I hear you loud and clear.
[2:10:04] All right. Okay. Is there anything else that you wanted to mention? I appreciate the call. It was very, very interesting. And I, of course, really sympathize about this chaos and problems with your childhood and youth and that sort of lack of protection and so on. It does give people kind of a fierce will to push on no matter what, which is great, but it doesn't last forever and it can sometimes resist good counsel.
[2:10:29] Oh, absolutely. You know, like I said, this was just uncharted waters for me because I've never talked to anybody. I've always, you know, been to let people come and talk to, you know, and, um, absolutely. I've made really poor decisions in my relationships, you know, and, but, you know, hindsight, if I could go back and whisper something in my 18 year old ear or 15 year old ear, you know, things would have probably turned out different, but we can't do that. So, you know, you have to try and move forward and not make those same mistakes and decisions going into the future.
[2:11:04] Agreed with that. All right. Well, I hope you keep me posted about how it's going. And I'd love to see the channel and the video when it's up in the summer. And I really appreciate the conversation today.
[2:11:13] All right. Thank you.
[2:11:14] Thanks, Emile. All the best. Bye-bye.
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