0:03 - Welcome to the Podcast
7:26 - The Crypto Conundrum
10:52 - Hacking and Human Nature
11:31 - Parenting Philosophy
44:59 - Navigating Workplace Challenges
56:31 - The Language Barrier
1:03:09 - Miscommunication and Misunderstandings
1:10:50 - Self-Justification in Conversations
1:12:16 - Helplessness and Self-Pity
1:16:23 - Identifying Corruption
1:23:02 - Desperate to Help
1:26:04 - Passive Aggression in Communication
In this episode, I engage with listeners on a variety of topics, focusing particularly on the intersection of philosophy and personal challenges. I open the floor for discussions, encouraging participants to share what's on their minds and how philosophical principles can enhance their daily lives, whether that means increasing joy or assisting with ongoing problems.
As we delve into current events, I examine recent high-profile hacking incidents involving North Korean state-backed groups and their implications for the cryptocurrency landscape. This leads to a deeper conversation about economic risks, contrasting the often sensationalized narratives surrounding cryptocurrency theft with the unseen erosion of value in fiat currencies due to inflation and government policies. I artfully dissect the nature of risks associated with both crypto and fiat, emphasizing the importance of individual agency and responsibility in navigating these economic environments.
When a caller shares concerns about parenting, particularly regarding the protection of children in a dangerous world, I redirect the conversation to a more philosophical analysis of safety, vulnerability, and societal dynamics. We explore the balance of risks between boys and girls, addressing the unique social challenges each faces while also discussing the nurturing role of parents in fostering resilience against external influences.
As we navigate this topic, I also emphasize the role of self-awareness and personal responsibility when dealing with difficult situations, using examples from both the positive and negative encounters I have had in professional settings. I encourage the caller to recognize how their own communication styles and perceptions may contribute to their experiences with authority figures.
By the end of the episode, I reiterate the significance of understanding both the strengths and weaknesses inherent in everyone, while bringing it back to the core philosophy of self-ownership and accountability. My discussions with various callers pave the way for deeper reflection on what it means to engage with philosophy actively in daily decision-making and interpersonal relationships, ultimately guiding everyone towards greater personal empowerment.
The episode concludes with reflections on parenting dynamics and the nurturing of valuable life skills in children. I express the belief that using ingenious approaches to motivate and educate children, devoid of coercive methods, promotes a more empathetic and sustainable approach to upbringing. We celebrate the nuanced journey of learning and growing, both for parents and children, embracing the challenges and triumphs that come with it.
[0:00] Yes, yes. Good morning, everybody. Hope you're doing well. I had a little bit of time this morning.
[0:03] I'm heading out this after, but I wanted to check in with everyone, see how you're doing, see what's on your mind, see if there's anything in any way in which philosophy can make your day, just a tiny, tiny little bit more joyful or massive cascades of intergalactic tsunami-style joy, whatever is working for you, so I'm all ears. If you have, of course, you know, questions, comments, issues, challenges, problems, you can raise your hand, you can lift your hand leg, you can mark your territory, and I am, what, a little J.F. Gary Eppie there a little bit, eh? It's Quebec guy. So, yeah, if you have questions, comments, issues, challenges, problems, criticisms, whatever is on your mind, if there's any way that philosophy can help you, whatever is going through your noggin as things generally go through mine. I am all ears. And, oh, can we in fact hear?
[1:08] I can say it's here, I can see you on. Oh, you can hear, I can hear. Testing one, two, three. Yes, okay. What is Bitcoin doing? I talked about that in the show last night, so I won't sort of repeat it here. There has, of course, been a big hack out of a state-funded North Korean hacker group on Ethereum. They got a massive chunk of Ethereum, I think about $1.4 billion worth. And it's funny because they just hang on to this stuff. Like, they don't spend it, they don't trade it, they just kind of hang on to this stuff.
[1:46] So, that's interesting. And, of course, who really knows? What's going on there. But yeah, it's pretty nasty. It's pretty nasty. But who knows? I mean, this multi-factor authentication is a whole chain of command for which to release funds. So whether they target people individually, whether there's malware, whether they study social media patterns to figure out who has signing authority is, I'm sure, fairly unknown at the moment, or at least it was the last time I checked. So, who knows what's going on with that stuff. But it is, of course, a particular catastrophe and just gooses people as a whole. And, you know, from an amoral standpoint, you know, the hacking has significant economic value. Because the hacking stuff will be resolved over time.
[2:40] And of course, the strength of crypto is you could transfer as much as you want fairly anonymously and with very little overhead, and it can be pretty untraceable. So, you know, that's real value. But that also means stuff can be stolen from, right? I mean, of course, people go through, you know, there's this sort of robber thing where you get grabbed on the street, and then people make you go to the bank machine and give your pin and and you but you're limited to you know what a five six hundred bucks or whatever you're limited in that kind of way so there's this pendulum that swings back and forth of course between fiat and crypto and what happens is people look at crypto and they say, oh my gosh, that stuff can be stolen, right? And then you look at, I was talking about this in the show last night, somebody compared their Walmart bill from like five years ago with the same items and it was 138% increase in the price, right? Which means massive decrease in the value of your money.
[3:50] So with regards to crypto, there are these sort of big, spectacular thefts, so to speak. Oh, my God, the visible, right? The seen versus the unseen. So with crypto, 1.4 billion, I think it was, was stolen.
[4:10] And that's big and spectacular.
[4:14] However, I won't say it's a drop in the bucket of USAID, but it ain't exactly the whole budget of USAID. So there's all of this, you know, theft that goes on in the crypto world that's big and splashy and exciting and concentrated and creepy and weird and people get goosed. And of course, I mean, I understand all of that. That makes sense. But it's the old thing compared to what? The theft in crypto, people will adapt to guard against it.
[4:46] And it's not institutional. But fiat is theft. Money printing, at a whim, and you don't even need to print it anymore. Like, the printer goes brr, it's like the keyboard goes clickety-clackety. And, you know, trillions of dollars get stolen. So, there's this big, spectacular theft of Ethereum. And people are like, ooh, that's scary. And then they don't notice, of course, that... The mice of fiat are borrowing through their savings and eating everything under the cover of night.
[5:27] So those who understand that are differentiated from those who don't, right? So people say, oh, the crypto is really scary. It's risky. It's dangerous. It's like, yeah, I get that. I get that. But it's not institutional. And there are ways to guard against it, right? You do your cold storage, your hardware, wallets, like whatever it is that you're doing, right? And so you can guard against your crypto being taken, but you can't guard against money printing. I mean, you can try and do various strategies to prevent, maintain, control, work against it and so on, but you're pretty limited. You're pretty limited in what you can do. All you can do is try and hedge against it, but you can't prevent it. You can't prevent it.
[6:26] So, the big splashy thefts are what goose people, the incremental money printing and the prices going up and the value of your dollars going down and the unfunded liabilities and the debt and all of the infinitely larger predations, of fiat currency, that's not seen nearly as much. So, it is the old question, oh, fiat is risky. Compared to what? Most people would prefer a risk that can be managed to a risk that cannot be managed. And fiat currency is an unmanageable risk. You cannot manage it. You cannot control it. They will just print and borrow and take as they see fit. And really, what can you do about it? What can you do about it?
[7:26] Not much, maybe except by crypto. So that's one thing that I thought of with regards to that. And I'll just wait, see if there are any other sort of pings and questions. While we're baiting for that, I will run through the stuff that I have noticed or noted recently. So, 73% of U.S. mortgage borrowers have an interest rate under 5%, which is really something.
[7:59] And it would be interesting to see, of course, as it depends what the length of those things are, right? The three-year, five-year, ten-year, whatever, or more. So it'll be interesting to see what happens from there when these mortgages get rolled and what happens to the housing as a whole so of course if the, deportations and self-deportations or at least lack of importation so to speak like bought across in the U.S. South at least are down a lot. If that drops the value of people's houses, then the issue of being underwater, which was the big issue in 2007, 2008, when the value of your house was much less than the price you were paying for it on a continual basis, that is going to be very tough.
[8:52] So a guy named Pix, we'll talk about Lazarus, right? This is his tweet about this. They stole 1.46 billion from Bybit, and they didn't break the code, they broke the people. So he says, Lazarus is a state-backed North Korean hacking group. They stole them billions from banks, crypto exchanges, and DeFi protocols. The biggest crypto heist in history. Is that right? Is that right? I guess so, right? There was no code exploit, no leaked private keys. Bybit's own multi-sig signers approved the transactions. They thought they were signing a routine transfer and said they were handing over their entire cold wallet. Raises a question, of course, how did Lazarus know exactly who to target? A multi-seq wallet, of course, requires multiple signers. Even if no one refused to sign, the hack would fail. Even if one person refused to sign, sorry, the hack would fail, but they all signed. So they didn't just hack by a bit, they knew who to manipulate.
[9:50] And so either it's an inside job, somebody leaked the signer list, social engineering, Lazarus studied their emails and behaviors, or device compromised, one or more signers was infected with malware. And of course, what this means for other exchanges, people will just have to figure this stuff out. So they stole 0.42% of all Ethereum. So that's wild, man. Investigators quickly flagged the 53 wallets holding the stolen Ethereum. Any attempt to cash out or swap funds would immediately raise red flags. But Lazarus are in no hurry. In 2022, chain analysis found Lazarus still held $55 million from Hacks six years earlier. They don't cash out fast, they wait. And Bybit CEO Ben Zhu addressed the crisis publicly. Client funds, he said, are one-to-one backed. We have enough liquidity to cover withdrawals. all other wallets remain secure.
[10:53] Wild stuff, man. It is kind of true that every advance in human technology is exploited by bad actors. And it is just as this stuff. This stuff, of course, as I talk about my French Revolution presentation, which you can get, of course, at fdrurl.com slash locals. sign up there. If we leave people with really bad childhoods behind and move on, they will get us. They will circle back and get us. Leave people behind at your peril. They will circle back and make your future into the hell you left them in.
[11:31] Now, of course, I get that we can't exactly wander into North Korea and make everyone's childhoods better, but as a general principle, that is an issue all right mr alex you have a question you are welcome to chat and just have to unmute and i'm all ears hello.
[11:53] Stefan how are you.
[11:54] Well i just.
[11:55] Have a quick oh thank you i'm sorry um first time that we're speaking like with this channel so.
[12:01] Welcome a bit nervous.
[12:04] Thank you uh i just have a quick question here i was wondering uh maybe um if you believe, if having a girl instead of a boy and did you somehow maybe made you more how can i say more cautious and more prone to be place safe instead of taking more risk when it comes to your philosophy or I do remember you telling about coming to Australia and thinking that you were in danger and I don't know maybe that could have some influence on you do you think that happened somehow um.
[12:45] If you could tell me what you mean a little bit more by influence it is.
[12:49] I just want to make sure.
[12:50] I'm I'm answering the right question because.
[12:52] For me it's a bit ambiguous all right That's all right. I maybe not did the phrase that right. So, for instance, let's say Donald Trump and his kids and also Bolsonaro back in Brazil, they have young boys. So with the male mentality, we are more prone to the war and to take more risks. Right so maybe we can count count more um be more brave even though we are not thinking about it we do take more chances right so i was wondering um if easy made a a difference in your approach to life and i mean that in a good way because um when we are men and we don't have to take care of others, and we have a family, we think in a different manner. So I was wondering if you had this thought in your mind that maybe if I had a boy, I would think differently and let's say I would defend women a little bit less or something like that.
[14:01] I would defend women a little bit less. So I'm just trying to make sure that I'm answering the question accurately. So are you saying that, oh, sorry, we're getting a big echo there.
[14:14] Sorry, we're getting a big echo there.
[14:16] Are you using a headset or a microphone?
[14:19] Oh, I'm not, I can't, my speaker, sorry.
[14:23] Yeah, because that's a little distracting. So if I understand this correctly, you're saying that, and I don't take this with any offense, I don't take this with any offense. I'm just trying to understand what you mean. Sorry, I'm just going to need to have to wait for that.
[14:39] It's all right. I'm just searching for my headphones. Sorry, so sorry.
[14:42] Yeah, that's generally, if you're calling into a show, having a headset is a good idea. So, if I understand this correctly, you're saying that two things might have occurred because I had a daughter rather than a son. The first is that I acted less courageously. And the second is that I was more protective of women or defended women as a whole more. Is that your general thesis? And again, I just want to make sure I understand it.
[15:17] No, no. I'm sorry. I didn't like that. I'm just...
[15:22] I'm sorry. I can barely hear you now.
[15:24] I'm sorry.
[15:25] I really can't hear you now.
[15:28] Oh, sorry. My headphones are very shitty.
[15:34] No, that's much better. Yeah. Okay. All right.
[15:41] So my question is, having a girl may have affected you in a good way, in a sense that...
[15:49] No, no. I'm sorry. I don't care about the good or bad. I don't care. And I'm not saying it's good or bad. I just want to understand. I mean, if somebody were to ask me, do you think that having a daughter rather than a son has changed you? Well, yeah. I mean, of course. I mean, I think that would be almost by definition, right? So you mentioned two ways in which I may have changed. One, that I may have been more cautious because I have a girl rather than a boy, which is a perfectly reasonable thesis. And the second is that I may be more prone to be sympathetic to or defend women more because I have a girl instead of a boy. And I just want to make sure that I understand your concept of how I might have changed as the father to a daughter rather than the son.
[16:36] Yes exactly exactly because i'll say like i'm married and having to a good woman besides me made me appreciate woman way more than before that so i was just wondering if having easy changing the way that you would approach philosophy itself not only your life.
[16:59] Well if you're asking me how has a daughter changed my approach to philosophy as a whole I honestly couldn't tell you that. That's too broad a topic, and I don't have a compared to what, because I only have a daughter, and I don't have a son. So, I don't have a compared to what. So, we're going to have to narrow it down a little bit from how has that affected my approach to philosophy as a whole, which I can't really answer, to specific things that you might have noticed about what I've done. And I think those two specific things you mentioned, and I think for the third or fourth time, I'm trying to understand if this is your argument. The two things that you mentioned was that A, I might have been more cautious and B, I might be more protective of women. Is that what you've noticed?
[17:44] No, no, I didn't notice that. I just wondered if you had this thought before, if you ever thought about that before, because I'm thinking out having a family uh we discussed that uh earlier in another uh call but i was wondering it's.
[18:02] Your first live stream not your first call.
[18:04] Yeah yeah yeah that's what i meant sorry yeah, so because i i had to change my life in many expert i'm sorry aspects and i was wondering if you have the same thought like for instance taking risks so you have to think about your family first before you and I was wondering if that can affect your philosophy or something or if you ever thought about that.
[18:33] Okay, so are you saying I'm more cautious because I have a daughter?
[18:40] Maybe, I don't know. I'm just wondering if that can affect you.
[18:44] Okay, so it's an interesting thing that you're doing here because I think you want to talk about something, but you're asking me instead, which is why I think the question is so muddled. Is it your concern that if you have children, you will become more cautious, or is that your thought? Or do you think you'll be more cautious if you have, what are you planning on having more than one child yes i am okay so i mean i'm very afraid.
[19:08] Of having a.
[19:08] I'm sorry i'm sorry.
[19:10] I'm very afraid of having a girl at this time in age i.
[19:15] Think you're afraid of having her is.
[19:16] Very bad yeah yeah that's.
[19:19] Okay so so rather than asking me stuff i think it's important to talk about your fears to be direct right so and i this is why i think the question was confused and confusing because you want to talk about something and you don't for whatever reason you don't want to call me up and say uh Stef i'm worried about having a girl uh let me tell you my thoughts but instead Stef do you think that having a girl has made you more worried that's that's a convoluted way to talk about what you want to talk about if that makes sense yeah.
[19:48] It makes but honestly uh i'll first things first i would like to know if you because I was curious about you.
[19:56] No, no, but you're not. Let's be frank. You're like the woman who's hungry, who then says to the husband, are you hungry? Rather than saying, I'm hungry. So if you're worried about having kids and having a daughter, I'm happy to talk about that. But I don't think you're curious about me in particular. Because, first of all, if you have a daughter or you have a son, they're equally vulnerable until they're adults.
[20:29] I mean, it's not like, let's say that somebody wants to harm your kid. It's not like an eight-year-old boy and an eight-year-old girl are massively different in terms of their vulnerability. I mean, they're both still kids, right?
[20:44] And boys and girls, at least until they get to about puberty, give or take sort of the same size and so on, right? So, as far as vulnerability goes, boys and girls are equally vulnerable to harm as children. And then you could sort of say, I don't know, maybe the age of 14, 15, 16, and so on. But then boys and girls have different strengths in terms of vulnerability. So, let's talk about an 18-year-old boy and an 18-year-old girl. Well, an 18-year-old boy is less physically vulnerable because they're taller and stronger and so on. However, they get much less social support. I'm sure you've seen these videos where a woman is being pushed around by a man and everybody and their dog jumps in to save the woman, right? To step back and hold back the man. Whereas if a man is being pushed around by a woman, people just kind of laugh and walk on.
[21:44] So, of course, society has compensated for women's lack of physical strength and height by being much more supportive and acting proactively to protect women, right? So, I mean, if you're in a bar and someone comes up to you and says, that guy just grabbed my ass, you'd probably be a little outraged and you might even want to go talk to that guy. I mean, I wouldn't recommend it, but you might have that impulse. Whereas if a guy comes up to you and says, that woman just grabbed my ass, you're probably just going to laugh.
[22:21] So in terms of safety, in many ways, men and women have complementary strengths and weaknesses. Women are physically less strong, so we have evolved to shore up or supplant their lack of physical strength with our emotional investment in the protection of women. So I'm not entirely convinced or positive that boys are safer in the world. And of course, if you look at boys and girls in terms of friendships, it took me a while to sort of understand this when I was younger, but boys, you might end up in a fistfight, but boys will not try to destroy your life. Right? They might try and bop you on the nose, but they're not going to spread rumors that you have a sexually transmitted disease, right? So male combat tends to be upfront, kind of in your face, and it starts and it stops. It comes and it goes. Whereas female combat tends to be reputation-based, almost infinitely more destructive in many ways, and just goes on and on.
[23:39] So I'm not positive even when it comes to sort of physical danger or emotional danger or these sorts of things. I'm not entirely sure that either boys or girls are in more or less danger from social conflict, if that makes sense. So if you have a male boss, a male boss on a male employee, if the male employee does something the male boss really doesn't like or is bad or whatever, then the male boss will like say, you know, might yell at them and say, you idiot, why did you do that? That cost me a lot of money or something like that, right?
[24:18] Whereas the female boss won't necessarily confront you but will just give you less and less hours on your schedule or you know try and turn your co-workers against you so that you might quit or something like that so males it tends to be direct conflict with females it tends to be more subtle social subterranean sabotage so deplatforming is kind of female whereas, calling somebody an a-hole on the internet is more male. And of course, the deplatforming is much more destructive to society as a whole, because men hurling insults at each other is free speech. Deplatforming is really the opposite. So both boys and girls face unique strengths and weaknesses in the social environment, but they tend to balance out, as you would kind of expect in society. So it's not like, well, the boys are safe and the girls are in danger. It really depends which lens you're looking at it if that makes sense what.
[25:18] Uh what i was thinking was uh imagine that uh a boy is like 18 or 19 he's an adult already and then his thunderless uh wins the lottery.
[25:29] I'm sorry who wins you gotta something something's not wrong with the audio if you can slow down a little bit who wins the lottery.
[25:37] As an example, the boy is 19 years old and he suddenly wins the lottery or buy Bitcoin and he smashes a good amount of money. So he's now a millionaire, but he's still quite young. But now he has access to win he he now he can travel buy cars and he's very very on top of the game but he's also very immature so he can do silly mistakes like running a car like speeding or using drugs or whatever so that's a boy that just had had to win the lottery first But sorry.
[26:24] Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Are we talking about people in general or our own children?
[26:31] Our own children.
[26:32] Okay, but your own child, let's say your own child wins the lottery and he's 18. So what's he going to do? He's going to come to you and he's going to say, mom, dad, I won the lottery. You guys are smart and wise. Help me figure this out.
[26:48] Yeah.
[26:49] So i'm not sure how the 18 year old that is your child or my child is going to just go off the rails and go do drugs and drive cars.
[26:58] No no just wait a second yeah i'll get to that so this is just an example right so.
[27:05] No no no i'm not no no you're not addressing my issue so you have an 18 year old son he wins the lottery, he's going to talk to you and he's going to respect your wisdom and he's going to listen to your advice yeah.
[27:22] But what i mean is in general.
[27:26] It's like no no no no stop it stop it it's not in general there is no in general we're talking about your child and my child, That's what you said. So you can't then just say, here's an 18-year-old who wins the lottery, who's my son, and he just goes off the rails. Because that's not going to happen. Now, if you want to talk about kids as a whole, okay, that's a different matter, but then we're not talking about our parenting. Do you see the issue I have?
[27:54] Could I just switch that for kids as a whole? Because if the girl or the boy in question has peers of parented, so he has no issues with that. So he can be trusted and these problems will not happen as you just told us. My question is based on the fact that in order to the boy to be tempted by the world, he has like basically to win the lottery. And the girl, as following example, she's just has to be young and everyone will try to corrupt her, her friends, the culture, everything in between. because she is...
[28:36] Well, no, no, no, no. Hopefully not her friends because the parents are in charge of the social life so you'd have quality kids around your kid. But anyway, the culture for sure. Yeah, so there's going to be a bunch of corrupting elements in the culture. Okay, go ahead.
[28:49] Yeah, that's why I'm afraid like in general. Like even if what I'm afraid of is even though if I'm trying to do my best here, I cannot be 24-7 with my daughter and there is too many tempting elements and trying to do some evil so I know that even um if I do my best and I actually let me just change that I know that doing my best I can protect her but and I have to trust her but at the same time there's too many temptations to a girl that's barely it didn't reach maturity yet so okay so give me an example of.
[29:36] A temptation that your daughter might be prone to.
[29:42] For instance, people would try to get her to have sex with, they would try to tempt her. The friends, because they are already, let's say, not my daughter, but in the school, they already have a sexual life. Because girls are going to follow other girls, right? They are more following than the boys. they are not as rebellious they will try to match the the the crazy around the the the schools and yeah in my country for instance uh brazil uh this thing happens very fast and it's scary it is scary well can you i don't.
[30:31] Know what the laws are in brazil can you homeschool in brazil.
[30:36] Basically not there is a a law that being pushed to to allow us to do that but, it's kind of hard right now there is a gray area but they are trying to to to prevent the Hans Koning back in Brazil.
[30:58] Okay. Can you send your child to a school whose philosophy and whose teachers match your values at least reasonably closely?
[31:10] Uh so so so when i was a kid back in brazil i was going to a catholic school and there were 12 years old having sex on the like on that age already so that was kind of crazy yeah so i know that's not everywhere but yeah well you wouldn't send your kid to a school.
[31:33] Where there are 12 year olds having sex.
[31:35] Yes exactly but that was 20 years ago stefan so and that was shocking for everyone and today i don't think it is shocking anymore and that's what it when it comes to my concern because i think society is quite crazy and some countries are crazier than others and i don't think people get it instead now that uh i moved countries and and i can feel a little bit better uh i can see oh you moved you moved to brazil oh from from you.
[32:13] Moved from brazil.
[32:13] Yeah i'm not yeah i'm temporarily i still don't have my citizenship yet but okay so sorry in the country you.
[32:23] Live in you can't homeschool is that right.
[32:24] Yeah yeah okay.
[32:27] Got it got it all right yeah i mean generally if you can move to a country where you can homeschool I think that's a better decision so I think your issue is there are corrupt people in the world and could they corrupt my children right.
[32:40] Yeah exactly, well I don't know would.
[32:46] Your children love you and your wife and their siblings more than they would love corrupt strangers.
[32:55] Yeah okay.
[32:57] So that's the best you can do, mm-hmm right did you just say that make sense.
[33:04] But let's say yeah that makes sense but i mean you can hang on let me just give you an analogy.
[33:09] Right so you can give your children healthy food and you can teach them to wash their hands and follow good hygiene practices but that does not guarantee that they will never get sick now if they get sick.
[33:23] Of course.
[33:23] That's actually quite good for their immune system, assuming it's not too dangerous, because if you get sick, then your immune system generally strengthens and it could be a positive thing for your immune system as a whole.
[33:37] So, yes, there will be corrupt people out there in the world, and they will try and corrupt your children. And your best shot at protecting that is a strong bond within the family, teaching them virtues and values. And that way, they can make better choices. Does that mean they'll always make perfect choices? Well, no, of course not. They don't. I don't. You don't. My wife is perfect, but that's a whole different thing. She's not of this earth. um so so i mean it's the best you can do right can you guarantee of course that your kid is not going to get hit by a bus when they go out on their bikes no but you know you would teach them general safety and awareness and don't wear headphones and keep your wits about you and and so on right and you know bike where it's safer you know so you can but you can't you cannot guarantee safety for your kids now we can say ah yes but you know there's the internet and so on it's like well yes but the internet is why you're peaceful parenting in the first place so the internet has given you like most things most technologies it gives you strength and weakness right like having a gun can protect you from invaders or you can use it to mug someone so it increases your safety and it increases the risk of danger and corruption so yeah there's bad stuff on the internet for sure and but there's also really great stuff on on the internet right.
[34:57] So you you do your best as a parent and the rest is up to fate and choice right and then you do your best and uh so far uh my daughter makes great decisions and all of that so i can see that i mean so if you're looking for perfection and perfect safety that won't happen the other thing of course i forgot to mention this earlier the difference between boys and girls is that boys can be hit but almost nobody hits a girl.
[35:25] So they have that kind of protection as well. So women face unique risks, which is sexual predation, but they also have unique protection in that society protects them more and people in general don't beat up girls, whereas boys can get beaten up. So I'm sort of trying to figure out, like, you have a strong bond, you teach virtues and values and so on. And I'm not sure what you can do outside of that. But if you let that make you a too worried and too stressed out parent, then you're letting the bad guys win. Right? In the same way that, you know, everybody has health issues or ailments over the course of their life. But you don't say, well, I'm not going to go out anywhere because I might get a cold. That's letting the viruses win and turning into a kind of hypochondriac. Or a phobic or something like that. So there are risks and dangers in life. And the purpose is to you try to minimize the risks you're exposed to. And after that, it's in the hands of fate. And I don't know that there's, I'm trying to figure out what standard you have. Like the standard obviously can't be, there are no bad or corrupt people in the world. My children will never ever meet a bad or corrupt person or nobody will ever try and corrupt my children. That's just not going to happen, right? So I'm trying to figure out what standard you have through which you are comparing the world to and finding it fairly wanting.
[36:41] How could you be sure that let's say easy has a friend that has a friend that has a friend and then this friend is the bad one like this this work of people it's kind of hard to to to figure out don't you think i know that the ones that you met they are all right and you can vet them but after that is like going goes like down here you can't.
[37:11] Okay so let's let's sort of play this out because i'm still not quite sure what you mean so you have a daughter and she has a friend who has a friend who has a friend who's bad right or.
[37:22] Or they meet in a party or something but.
[37:25] Yeah yeah yeah whatever bad stuff right yeah okay so what's wrong with your child encountering a bad person help me understand like what's wrong with that i mean that's like saying she should never ever get a germ or a virus it's like that's not healthy right i mean you've got to get sick as a kid it helps your immune system and so on so what's wrong with your daughter if it's around drinking i assume she's at least mid-teens or later so what's wrong with your daughter meeting a bad person who wants her to to drink alcohol.
[37:56] Maybe i think what i'm looking for now maybe.
[38:02] No no no i'm sorry you're asking questions and keep going off on tangents. I'm asking you a question. It's kind of rude to ignore it. I mean, you can say you don't want to answer it or say you can say that's a bad question. I don't want to answer it. But I keep asking these questions and just go off of these tangents, which means we're not having a conversation. So what's wrong with your kid meeting a corrupt person?
[38:26] As long as she knows they are corrupt and can judge them as such, there is no problem. The problem is the people that pretend to be good and there are plenty and virtues. Virtues yeah i get that and i am very afraid of those people because people because right now i almost 36 and i still uh get in trouble with them uh sometimes they treat me okay so this is your fear i feel like this is hang.
[38:58] On hang on this is your fear it's not a fear.
[39:02] Because i can't judge 100 sure right what do you mean.
[39:06] This the standards drive me crazy what do you mean 100% sure. You see, you can't judge 100% sure. I'm not sure who can as a whole. If people are well camouflaged and only pretending to be virtuous, there's certainly a risk, right?
[39:25] Yeah.
[39:25] So what do you mean by 100% sure? Like you mean you meet someone and you can see into their soul and x-ray their moral character and know 100% certainty whether they're corrupt or not.
[39:40] I don't know, Stefan.
[39:42] No, no, I'm asking you a question. Is that your standard? That you can look at someone, kind of airport scan their souls and figure out their percent corruption?
[39:52] No, there is no such thing.
[39:54] Okay, so I'm trying to understand what your concern is relative to what's possible or realistic.
[40:03] My concern is to be so afraid that i would helicopter like my cat my kid not allowing her to grow up and do her mistakes and.
[40:16] Okay so sorry to interrupt give me please give me an example you say that you can't easily find out corrupt people if they're camouflaged so give me an example if you could just because i'm an empiricist so give me an example of something that happened recently where you missed someone's corruption and how that played out.
[40:37] Yeah, I have found a job one year ago, and I was doing some work to this lady. She was very, very, very nice to me at first. And after I did my wife and I did a bunch of favors to her because she got in trouble with her partner, and she was, in our opinion, needing some help.
[41:04] Okay, sorry, who got in trouble with her partner? Do you mean romantic or business or what?
[41:09] My boss.
[41:10] Your boss got in trouble with her partner. Now, do you mean by that her business partner?
[41:14] He was, yeah, no, no. A guy, how can I explain that? Her partner went to jail because a guy tried to invade the business and he bit this guy. So he was sent to jail.
[41:35] Okay, so hang on, sorry. So there's this woman who hired you about a year ago. She seemed very nice.
[41:40] Yeah.
[41:40] And then her partner went to jail for hitting a guy who tried to invade the business?
[41:46] Exactly. Yeah. So she was crying.
[41:50] So who is corrupt in this scenario?
[41:53] Yeah, I'll get to that. She was crying. She was needing some help. We did help her a bunch of times. Time went through and she hired other people. And suddenly, suddenly I was not essential anymore. And she started to treat me very badly.
[42:13] Suddenly you were not what?
[42:16] Essential because I wasn't the only one working for her.
[42:20] Okay. So she hired other people. You were no longer essential. Okay. And then what happened?
[42:26] Yeah. She started treating me very badly and mistreating me.
[42:32] In what way did she treat you badly? Okay.
[42:35] She yells at me in front of other people because I cannot do anything right now because of my visa.
[42:46] And what did she yell at you about?
[42:52] Well, I cannot have days off. I have to do overtime. And I have to arrive early as well. Um i work with another people there then i'm the only one that have to clean the whole fucking shop so it's kind of things like that okay so she wanted.
[43:16] You to not take any days off and she wanted you to come in early and work overtime.
[43:22] Yeah as well and.
[43:24] What is the business in general.
[43:28] In general is uh beauty.
[43:30] Is sorry beauty.
[43:33] Yeah, yes. It's like a saloon when people get some work there.
[43:41] Do you mean like facials and hair cutting and so on?
[43:48] Some makeup, some permanent makeup, and also tattoos.
[43:52] And what is your role there?
[43:56] I work as an artist there.
[43:59] A makeup artist?
[44:01] Yeah.
[44:02] Okay, got it. Okay, so how did she know she could yell at you?
[44:12] That's, I think, because she knew that I was a Christian or something like that.
[44:17] No, no, no, that's not it.
[44:20] Or, I don't know, maybe because I'm on this weird path with the immigration.
[44:30] What does she know about your weird path with immigration?
[44:33] Yes, definitely.
[44:35] Okay. Why do you think she knew she could yell at you?
[44:42] Because she knew that I could not do anything about it.
[44:45] Okay. Does she yell at other people?
[44:49] No.
[44:49] So why is she only yelling at you? Have you had this problem before that people yell at you?
[44:59] No, never.
[45:01] Okay. So you're in your mid to late 30s, and no one has ever yelled at you or been particularly aggressive to you before now.
[45:11] No, they did, but not like when I was an employer or employee by then or anything like that. This relationship is very different right now.
[45:27] Okay, so people have yelled at you before, but they have not yelled at you in a business context.
[45:38] Exactly like when i was a kid something or when i had my friends and we said things but not not my boss and not in front of clients okay.
[45:52] How does your boss know that she can yell at you in front of clients.
[45:57] I think that she knows that i cannot do anything about it and i cannot just find my job and you can't find.
[46:07] Another job because you're tied into this visa.
[46:10] Yeah okay.
[46:13] So you can't leave the job because then you would be deported.
[46:17] Um it's not that bad like i just cannot find the job because i have restrictions with my visa so i have to work like it's like a uh i have i have work permit but i cannot move uh many hours if that makes sense sorry you cannot what so, so if it doesn't allow me to work a full week just half so people okay hang on.
[46:47] Sorry can you change jobs.
[46:53] Uh not not not easily.
[46:56] Okay so sorry sorry hang on hang on you hang on hang on i just i don't want to overcomplicate this right is it possible for you to change jobs in theory okay so that's a yes you can change jobs i know it's not easy i get that it's not easy i get that it's not easy but you can. The visa doesn't say if you're not working at this job, you're deported. Is that right?
[47:27] Yeah, but can I just explain something real quick?
[47:31] Sure.
[47:33] I would have to find someone that I know that wanted to help me and hire me illegally per se, not as part-time, but as a full employee, but not put me on book because the government doesn't allow that. So it's kind of tricky.
[47:53] Okay. So sorry, you said you're only allowed to work part-time now. Is it true that at another job, you would also only be allowed to work part-time?
[48:03] Yes.
[48:04] Okay. So is it that the woman is illegally having you work more hours at the job you're currently at.
[48:13] Yes okay.
[48:15] So then you'd need somebody else who'd be willing to break the law in order to give you more hours in another job.
[48:20] Yeah so that's the problem okay got it man i'm trying to find this someone but i still couldn't anyway the whole situation is like ass and started bringing that but what i try to say is for many many months at least six months i had no idea that the lady was so bad after the the this this thing started to happen and i was feeling humiliated and dumb dumb as fuck because sorry for for you, And I was entangled in that situation, then felt helpless, but also because I had my philosophy, I know what's right and wrong, finally, and it's easy actually to see that. But I felt like stupid because I could not see the flags. I know that was somewhere down the road, but I could not spot that.
[49:24] Okay, why did her partner go to jail?
[49:29] Because he a guy trying to mess with the shot that was all that i know and.
[49:36] Okay so i assume that this was sorry i assume this was not self-defense so he did something illegal right and let's just go with the fact that it was not obvious self-defense and so on so and how long into you've worked there for six months if i understand this correctly so how long did you work there before the guy went was arrested.
[49:58] Yeah it was like a week or something.
[50:02] Okay so i'm trying to understand how you tell me you had no idea she had any problems yet she was partnered with a guy who beat someone up and went to jail within a week of you being there.
[50:15] Yeah i saw the camera I saw the guy trying to get into the shop and so on. And I know that it wasn't in self-defense, but I thought...
[50:28] Okay, so you're not hearing what I'm saying. So this woman is partners with a guy who beats someone up and goes to jail. And then you're saying you had no idea she had any dysfunctions.
[50:43] Yeah this thing happened after one week that i was working there but i didn't have any idea why he left the the thing and he was in jail so it took me a while to discover that actually it took you know you're.
[51:00] Not pro this is why people yell at you man because you don't listen, explain to me the contradiction that i'm trying to point out just because i've now said it twice right or maybe three times so explain i.
[51:11] Just need to check.
[51:12] If you're listening what is the contradiction i'm trying to point out.
[51:15] You're saying that i was working to a woman that got her, because he hit somewhere and i was saying that i did not see a head fight but there was there was one right there.
[51:32] Okay so why aren't you responding to that.
[51:35] I'm trying but i do believe that because of my English, you are not understanding what I'm trying to say.
[51:42] Oh, so it's not that you don't listen, it's that it's a language barrier.
[51:49] Probably. I'm trying to say that.
[51:51] Do you think that this is the first, sorry to interrupt. Do you think that this is the first instance I've had in this conversation of you not listening or not responding to what I'm saying, but going off on tangents?
[52:03] No, it is not the first one.
[52:05] Okay. So do you think it might be a habit that you have?
[52:12] Yes, probably.
[52:13] Okay. So the whole thing is founded on, I worked for this woman for six months. I had no idea she had any problems. But then within a week of starting to work for her, she had a partner who beat the hell out of some guy and he went to jail, which I assume is pretty serious unless he's a habitual criminal, because normally if you get into some fight with someone, it seems odd that you would go to jail right away. So maybe he yelled at the cops or maybe he yelled at the judge or maybe he's got a criminal history, because it seems like quite a lot to go to jail for the first time you get into a fistfight with someone. But okay, so on the one hand, you say to me, how can I possibly tell who might be corrupt? And on the other hand, you're saying this woman had a partner who beat a guy up and went to jail within a week of me meeting her.
[53:02] Yes but what i'm trying to say Stefan it took me three months to to discover that the guy was actually in jail it happened one week before after i started to work to her it took me three months to realize that he wasn't actually in jail i had no idea that this thing would happen when did you see the video that's, After three months.
[53:29] Okay. So he disappeared a week after you met him. He just vanished, right?
[53:36] Yes.
[53:37] And you asked where he was, and people said he's on vacation, he's at home, he's watching Sopranos. Like, what did they say if you asked where this guy had gone?
[53:48] They have two different businesses. He was running another shop with a different kind of business. Plus this one shock that just mainly hurt. That's the beauty part of the business. So that's why I wasn't even supposed to work with him or know him or whatever. But I understand your critique anyway, and I do believe that you are right.
[54:16] But, yeah. Okay, so let's give you complete benefit of the doubt, and you say, well there's no way i could have known about any problems in the business in the first three months right.
[54:34] No i think there were.
[54:35] No no but let's let's say let's say that there's no way, that you could have known anything before the first three months right but that's what you would have told me then you would have said well i joined this business this guy kind of vanished, and I didn't find out about anything bad from three months. But for the last three months, I've known about how bad things were. But that's not what you said. You said, I've been working there for six months. She just started yelling at me, and I had no way of knowing there were any problems before.
[55:04] Yeah. That's the thing that I find interesting about this whole situation. Because when I was essential to them.
[55:14] Okay, what are you talking about? Are you responding to what I'm saying? Or are you going off on another fucking tangent?
[55:20] I'm not going to...
[55:22] You are not responding to what I'm saying. This is why people get mad at you. I'm telling you, brother, you can listen to me or not. I'm telling you. This is why people get mad at you. Because people say stuff and you go off on story time and you don't respond. That's annoying. Okay, what was it that I just said that you needed to respond to?
[55:50] I don't remember.
[55:51] Right. See, this is the problem. You're not listening. You're just waiting for your turn to justify yourself because everything you say is a self-justification. Everything you say is they're bad, I'm perfect. They're wrong, I'm right. They're corrupt, I'm not. I'm trapped, they're bullies. All it is is self-justification. Constant, constant stream of self-justification and no listening, which means I'm not here to have a conversation with you. I'm here so that you can speak into the void about how you're hard done by and everyone else is bad and you're always right. Because what you said to me for six months, I had no idea there were any problems. And then I said, well, the week after blah, blah, blah. And you say, well, I didn't find out for three months. And I say, okay, well, let's take the three months.
[56:31] So when you tell me for six months, I didn't think there were any problems, but it turns out you watched the guy beat someone else up and found out he went to jail within three months, then the six months is a lie.
[56:45] I'm not calling you some big stinky liar. I'm just saying, you're like, how could I possibly have known there were any problems in the business when a guy beat up someone, not in self-defense, and went to jail for assault, and this was a business partner of the woman. In other words, she has a business partner who's violent, and then you're deeply shocked that she's verbally aggressive. You've got to be kidding me, bro. The reason you can't see corruption is you're too busy justifying yourself.
[57:18] Off. I mean, I'll tell you something radical, right? Maybe this will help you, maybe this will, but I'm going to say it anyway. So what I'm going to tell you that's radical is to say, the reason you're getting yelled at is 100% your fault. And listen, when bad things happen to me in my life, my default position is I did it. I did it. I caused it. I'm responsible for it.
[57:44] So you're extremely tentative and you don't listen and you're kind of manipulative because you change your story so that you always look good and right. That's annoying to people because we're being used as a prop for your vanity and self-justification rather than having an honest and direct conversation. So you're having these issues at work and it was kind of cloaked into, well, Stef, you know, what changed with you having a girl? Maybe you became more tentative. Maybe you protected women more, right? And I'm like, okay, is that what's going on? No, that's not what's going on. It's not really that. Okay, so because I was going to ask when you said, Stef, you're more tentative, I was going to say, okay, in what ways do you see me being more tentative? And then I said, my response was, well, boys and girls are both strong and weak in different areas. And then that was kind of dropped and we went on to something else. And then I'm finally like, okay, so this has something to do with you and your kids. And then you brought up this thing about, uh, well, um, there's some kid who wins the lottery, blah, blah, blah. And I go, okay. Is this some kid or your kid? And we went back and forth on that for a while.
[58:48] And, and so it's very hard in, in, I'm a pretty skilled communicator. That's my, my job, my gig, right? It's really hard to have a direct conversation with you. And probably I'm not saying, I'm not saying she's right for yelling at you. Of course, I'm not saying that at all. But what I'm saying is what if you took the position that you are responsible for her yelling at you, because most people don't have internal moral standards. They just do what they can get away with, which is why I kept asking, how did she know that she could yell at you? Now, if you say, well, the reason she knew she could yell at me is that I would roll over and take it, plus I'm indirect in my communication, which is going to annoy immature people. I mean, I'm annoyed by it, but I'm not going to act it out because, you know, I'm not immature that way. I may be immature in other ways, but not that way, not that way. So if you were to look in the mirror and say, I cause people's aggression towards me.
[59:48] That would give you some power to change your behavior. Because if someone yells at you in public, they're doing so knowing that you're going to roll over and take it. Whereas if you make a joke back or laugh at them or, you know, tell them to take a chill pill or go get a shiatsu massage or something and find it not scary and intimidating and terrifying. And you can say the visa stuff. I get all of that. I get all of that. But have you ever studied the art of verbal self-defense right so you've got you've said that it doesn't happen professionally but it happens in in other areas of your life and this is important for everyone have you like there's ways to respond to people who are escalating.
[1:00:32] So that they have to back down have you ever looked at how do you respond to bullies what is the verbal art of self-defense. Have you ever studied how to de-escalate situations with aggressive people? Have you ever said, look, there's something I'm doing that is bringing this about or at least not preventing it. So what can I change in my behavior so that I know how to put someone in their place who's bullying me? I know how to de-escalate situations. I know how to not take things personally. Have you ever studied anything to do with the verbal arts of self-defense? And that's not a leading question. I'm just genuinely curious because if this is happening, right, if someone's yelling at me, I'm like, okay, so I got to figure out how to deal with this, right? Not roll into a ball and complain about the other person, but I've got to figure out how to deal with this. So if you've had people be aggressive with you over the course of your life, have you ever read any books or studied any literature or watched any videos on verbal self-defense.
[1:01:37] No, I didn't.
[1:01:38] I'm sorry?
[1:01:40] No, I never read anything about this.
[1:01:45] Okay. So have you ever looked like how to deal with workplace bullies, how to deal with people who yell at you? I mean, there's tons and tons of videos and literature and anything like that. And I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm genuinely curious. Like you have a problem. And what is your solution? Is your solution to gain knowledge and skills to deal with the problem?
[1:02:04] I never had any problem dealing with that in my country. And sorry, let me rephrase that. That's my English part, not working well. The times that I had this problem back in my country, I was able to deal with that using violence, like yelling back and using not my reasonable part or something like that. And it was pre-philosophy. It was before you. So after that, I had no problem with the bullies anymore. And I was already an adult. And that's it. But being here in another country dealing with another language is another layer of complexity. And I'm very anxious just to deal with this situation.
[1:03:01] Okay, so you're saying this is not a problem in your life, it's just a factor of some of the sketchy immigration stuff you're doing and the fact that you have a lot of… No.
[1:03:10] No, no.
[1:03:10] No? Okay. It is a problem. Okay, brother, brother, brother, brother, why are you interrupting me?
[1:03:23] You're saying that I'm saying something that I'm not saying. I'm just trying to be clear.
[1:03:30] You didn't even let me finish my sentence.
[1:03:34] Sorry, I didn't realize that.
[1:03:37] Would you say that you called me in part because I'm an expert communicator?
[1:03:43] Yes.
[1:03:45] So why are you talking over me when I'm trying to explain to you something if I'm an expert communicator? This is like you being 300 pounds, going to a super fit guy and telling him he's wrong when he tries to give you advice. Do you not think that I've had to deal with bullying over the course of my life, particularly in my public career? Sorry, there's a question. Sorry?
[1:04:22] Yes, you had to deal with that.
[1:04:24] And do you think I have dealt fairly successfully with the bullying that I've experienced over the course of my life, and in particular, my public career?
[1:04:34] Uh-huh.
[1:04:35] Okay. So do you think that I'm a reasonably good listener? In other words, do you think that I have lineups around the block for people to get advice from me because I'm a good listener?
[1:04:47] No.
[1:04:48] Okay. So, I'm a good listener. I've dealt with the topic that you're dealing with. I'm older. I have good advice. And you interrupt me when I'm trying to tell you something. This has happened on more than one occasion. Now, what I was trying to say was, you told me that you have not dealt with being bullied in a professional or work environment. It's only happened in a non-work environment in the past. That was my understanding of what you had said to me.
[1:05:23] Exactly.
[1:05:23] Okay, so I was right. So why would you interrupt me and tell me that I'm wrong when I'm telling you something that's correct?
[1:05:33] Did I do that?
[1:05:34] Well, I said that the reason why you feel tentative to yell back or fight back is because of some of the sketchy immigration stuff that is going on and the fact that you're in a new country and it's tough to change jobs that's what you told me sorry.
[1:05:50] I think i misheard you i thought you meant at uh that i was thinking that i want to have this problem because of the language because that was the last thing that i said before that.
[1:06:02] No i started talking i literally said sketchy immigration stuff right and you Sorry.
[1:06:07] I misunderstood you.
[1:06:09] Okay. So generally, if there's a language barrier, and I sympathize with that, then let me finish. So if you say, well, there's a language barrier, then you should let me finish, right? So if you are doing something sketchy from an immigration standpoint, and you have no leg to stand on to push back against this woman, then it's a reasonable strategy to take being yelled at.
[1:06:37] If she's able to give you the hours that you want, which is not applicable under your visa, then you are not in a strong negotiating position so you're just going to have to take being yelled at if if that's right if you can't yell back or you can i wouldn't say yell back but there's lots of ways that you can defuse escalating situations without yelling at people you know like i mean i had joe rogan jumped me on a podcast live in millions and you know have a real ambush i didn't yell at the guy. I had reporters, and you can see this online, I had reporters and newscasters and so on try and corner and humiliate me on live TV with millions of people watching, and I think I was pretty good at handling that and dealing with that. So I have some real experience in this area. Now, if you're going to tell me, well, I can't be assertive with this woman because I need her to sign my paycheck for various reasons that are, you know, whatever. Okay, but then, I don't, I don't know what you're asking me then. Because if you say, well, this woman yells at me and I say, well, you could do this, this, and this. And you say, that's impossible because I need the hours and I'm in a sketchy immigrant immigration situation. Then what you're doing, and this, this, again, I don't understand why people do this to me. Like they call me with a problem and then they tell me a solution is impossible.
[1:08:06] But if a solution is impossible, why are you calling me with a problem? And also, you didn't tell me the truth because you said for six months you had no idea of any issues within the business or corruption within the business. And then you tell me a guy beat someone else up. I didn't find out about it for the first three months, but certainly for the last three months you've known about this and you didn't say that. You said there was no way for me to know there were any problems with this business. Oh except for the fact that the last three months some guy assaulted that some the business partner the woman yelling at me assaulted a guy and went to jail but you've known for three months and you didn't tell me about you just played this innocent little lamb who had no way of knowing it's like is there i have no way of knowing who's corrupt and it's like you absolutely do because this woman is business partners with a guy who beat up someone and went to jail and you've known that for at least three months. I'm just trying to give you some empowerment here. Sorry, go ahead.
[1:09:02] Can I just interrupt just for a second? What I was talking about was there were red flags that I wasn't put to read. I had no idea that not the business itself were so bad because after she started yelling and humiliating me, after six months, I was, well, where is this thing coming from? That caught me by surprise.
[1:09:30] Sorry, I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Are you saying that you had no way of knowing there were any... I was not. Sorry, are you interrupting me again? One more time, bro. One more time. It's so rude. Because I start to talk and you just cannot resist the urge to interrupt me to justify yourself. So you keep calling me up and you ask me for advice and all you do is tell me that I'm wrong.
[1:09:59] That's fine if i'm wrong stop taking advice from me i don't know why we're in a conversation where you're calling me up to say Stef i'm having trouble identifying corruption i'm trying to help you with that Stef i have someone who yells at me at work i'm trying to help you with that and all you do is interrupt me and tell me i'm wrong every solution every insight every possibility i give you i'm wrong i'm wrong i'm wrong that's fine, but then stop taking my advice. I don't understand why you're in this conversation, asking for my advice, constantly interrupting me and telling me I'm wrong. What's the point? It's like hiring a personal trainer who's super fit when you're fat and lethargic, and then constantly interrupting his advice to tell him it's wrong.
[1:10:50] Do you understand it? It doesn't make sense foundationally.
[1:11:02] See, you feel frustrated and helpless in your life. I'm telling you how not to be frustrated and helpless in your life. And what you're trying to do unconsciously is to make me feel frustrated and helpless in the conversation. In other words, this virus of self-pity, helplessness, and frustration is trying to jump from you to me. That's not going to happen, just so you know. I don't do helpless and frustrated. I don't do every solution is impossible. I don't do I'm wrong with everything I say. And I don't have people call me up to ask for advice and then interrupt me and tell me I'm wrong continually. So I don't know that there's anything else to say, but I just, I don't do those conversations. And I'm sorry that you missed the opportunity to get advice, but sometimes people want advice and sometimes they only pretend to want advice, but instead they just want to frustrate and tell people that they're wrong. So I'll certainly give you the last word because, you know, it's fine to have that, but I don't have any desire to continue.
[1:12:16] All right, I guess he's done. Yeah, I mean, that is a real shame. It's a real shame that some people are just so addicted to this helplessness and self-pity, and self-justification that they will call up for advice and not take any advice. I just find that so strange. I just find that so strange. It's like going to an expert doctor and then interrupting them when they try to help you and tell them that they're just wrong about everything. Anyway, okay. Does anybody else have any other thoughts or questions or challenges or issues or problems? Or we can even talk about the last conversation if that's of interest to you, anybody who wants to chat or mention anything, I might have to go and do some weights. I just, I really, for me, I really dislike that sort of claustrophobic, oh, you've misunderstood everything and you're wrong about this and you're wrong about that and I can't solve it because of this and I can't solve it because of that.
[1:13:08] And, you know, I told him repeatedly, this is probably why people get annoyed with you. Nope, didn't matter. He just moves on to the next justification, the next justification, the next justification. And I just, I don't do that. Like the moment I start to feel that claustrophobic helplessness, and I start to feel that insistence that the other person won't listen, only wants to self-justify, only wants to tell you that you're wrong, only wants to call you up and ask you for advice and then reject everything you say and tell you that you get everything wrong. The moment I'm involved in those conversations, I mean, I think I gave it a good old, I want to say the good old college try, but I don't, I don't stay in those conversations. And I would really strongly recommend you don't either. Like the moment you start to feel helpless and frustrated in your conversation with someone, you can express it for sure. And I think it's a good thing to express, but yeah, don't, uh, don't, don't stick in it, right? Don't, don't stick in it because, uh, you're just going to end up feeling annoyed and frustrated. And then there's this weird, the virus then jumps, right? The virus of self-pity, helplessness, justification, and frustration just jumps from them to you. And remember, you know, bad mental habits are, they're like viruses. Bad mental habits are always trying to jump from person to person. And I just want to, I won't do that stuff. Not for me, not in any way, ship or form. All right. Any other last questions, comments, issues, challenges? How are you feeling about the convo? How are you feeling about today? I'm happy to hear.
[1:14:34] You just have to unmute, I think. Really? Nobody's got anything to say? Is everyone stunned? Yes, sir, my friend. Double H. Just unmute.
[1:14:52] Well, if nobody's asking, I'll ask. How to best ask women to go out for a cup of coffee?
[1:15:00] Bro, you didn't watch the show last night, right?
[1:15:04] No, I did not.
[1:15:05] Yeah, sorry. I just did all of this on the show last night, so I'm not going to do it again. Because I did like half an hour on this last night. so sorry i mean there's no reason why you would necessarily have have known that but uh people are asking conversations about like the bitcoin and stuff i think it was you too just uh i did all this last night is there anything else that you wanted to know no not really all right, going once going twice i don't know man i'm surprised nobody has anything to talk about with regards to that last conversation let me just check the chat window here, he says uh let's see here what do they say a dude apparently really couldn't help himself yeah, yeah it is it is a tough perspective but i think it's really important to say if bad things are happening in my life it's 100 my fault it's my problem to solve it's my issue to solve now maybe if this guy's you know got this all these immigration restrictions and he's doing something sketchy, then he's not in a situation to be assertive. Okay, that's fine. Right? I mean, if the cops behind you telling you to pull over, you pull over.
[1:16:24] That's what you do.
[1:16:28] So, his issue was, how do I identify corruption? And it wasn't even, how do I be assertive, right? So, then he said, well, I didn't know for six months that there was anything corrupt going on. And then he said, well, a week after this guy did this, and he says, well, I didn't find out about it for three months. Okay, okay, so let's say that. And he said, well, there were indications beforehand, right? So, people can't say, I have no way of identifying corruption, and then tell me all the corruption that was happening.
[1:16:58] And of course if the woman was against aggression she wouldn't be partners with a guy who beat someone up so i'm trying to help someone say there are signs and he's just telling me that i'm wrong okay so i again i don't i don't give advice to people who go off on tangents i don't give advice to people who just tell me i'm wrong about everything and i don't give advice to people who don't listen. I mean, it's a pointless exercise and annoying for everyone involved. And I think that there's a certain amount of just cruelty, especially in a sort of public conversation to sort of inflict that level of dissociation and self-pity on an audience as a whole. And also this guy, I guess we had a conversation before, so he's, I assume, been around this conversation for, and it's funny too, like if he's been, he's been around this conversation for years, right? And for years, for years, really, for as long as I've been doing this, I've been talking about 150% self-ownership, that if bad things happen in your life, it's you. It's you. You are the one who has to make changes. And this is just a practical thing. That's just a practical thing in that if something bad is happening in your life, it's your job to fix it because other people really aren't going to. They're not going to get invested in it. They're not going to solve it. They're not going to deal with it. I didn't believe that he'd never, he was in his mid-late thirties. I didn't believe that he'd never faced any workplace bullying or aggression before.
[1:18:26] I don't believe that. Again, obviously, I have to just go with what people say. But I experienced workplace bullying and aggression as a teenager.
[1:18:36] And it's just so common. And I would assume in Central South America, it's a bit more of a primitive culture, so it may be even more common. But yeah, I mean, workplace bullying and aggression, I mean, I dealt with that. Gosh, I mean, that happened to me in my jobs in the hardware stores. It happened to me in restaurants, and so on. I even had, when I was a paper route guy, when I was like 12, I had a paper route, and I had people who wouldn't pay, right? So I had to go and collect the money, the cash, I had to put the money in the bank account, and then the newspaper would take the money out of the bank account. I had people who wouldn't pay, who dodged and avoided me, I would see them in their backyard, go around the side of their house when they owed me money, and I'd say hey and they're like hey you're trespassing kid like get the hell out of here can I stick my dogs on you and it's like so that's you know that's a 12 that's aggression and so I just I can't believe that that he just until his late 30s nobody ever got aggressive or was any kind of bullying towards him in any workplace he ever I just don't believe that I just don't believe that so but of course you know I just have to go with what people what people say and I think it's kind of odd that he would have experienced it his private life but not. And also when I'm feeling annoyed with someone, I can, I don't, I don't sympathize, but I understand, right? So there's empathizing and sympathizing. Empathizing is when you feel what other people feel.
[1:20:04] Sympathizing is when you feel and approve, right? So I empathize with the people who yell at him because for me, that's annoying, right?
[1:20:14] Jay says, I experienced workplace bullying a lot too. Most places I've worked for, actually, it's quite common in blue collar jobs. Yeah. I mean, and some of it's kind of hazing and all of that kind of land man stuff, but some of it is, yeah, it's just dysfunctional people who are, who are bullies. All right, let me just do one final pass here. James says, I started off working for my father. Aggression built right in. It's just, it's very common. Workplace bullying. And it also happens in academia and so on. All right, sorry. We got one person who wants to say something swizz. You're going to have to unmute, but I'm certainly happy to hear. And of course, I blasted my ears a little bit because the last guy was so quiet. We'll fix that in post. But then when someone else talked, there's like ear brain. uh soviet anthem oversample all right swiz uh you you're on the air.
[1:21:06] Yes i just had uh something more about the uh more about the form than the content of the last conversation you just had and it's uh basically ever since you got deplatformed i've seen a ton of just all over the web not even just your platforms but um all over the internet about how there's a lot of, confrontations in the in the calls now live streams like this uh especially and it's really really grinding to a lot of people including me and i think i just came to the realization like i know why it's because i don't i don't fix the personally and i'm only saying this personally because it probably applies to a lot of the people publishing comments like that like i said all over the internet it's that our solution is to leave to to sort of escape those the confrontations like that's that's the fix for us so when we hear it going on on the on your show or someone you're talking to it's like this is horrible this is so hard to listen to this is uh this is so naggy and and whiny why don't you guys just stop talking so you can stop uh stressing me out but uh now now i sort of i don't know just sort of clicked for me that you stay in these conversations you probably don't do this in your personal life but you stay in these to illustrate something.
[1:22:14] Well i you know and perhaps to a fault i'm sure it is to a fault i really want to help people.
[1:22:22] Like, I really, I'm like, I'm desperate to help people, right? And this guy, I mean, obviously a smart listener and, you know, really positive qualities and he's married, he wants to become kids. I don't want him to infect his kids with this kind of self-pity and helplessness. So I'm thinking about him. I'm thinking about his wife. I'm thinking about his future kids. So, and to a fault, right? And this is sort of like, I desperately, desperately want to help people because I know what the stakes are. I know if I can break through to someone, it can change their life. I know that if I don't break through to someone, it's not going to happen. Because, you know, how many people would spend an hour trying to get through to this guy who have a particular kind of skill?
[1:23:03] Like, it's never going to happen. That's why I said at the end, like, I'm really sorry, I didn't take the opportunity. Like, it's never going to happen again.
[1:23:08] This just doesn't happen. Like, maybe, I don't know, maybe if he pays for some sort of mental health professional, not that I am, but, you know, I can at least, like, but to sort of try and get through to him and to connect this helplessness and to give him some sort of power, to not be helpless or at least to not feel that way and to not just want to self-justify and tell the other person that they're wrong. Because I know the stakes, like it's a now or never. And, you know, he's in his 30s, he's got another half century to live. So I will do just about everything I can. And this is also for my own conscience. If I bail out too early, I feel like, oh, I could have done more, right? After an hour, I'm like, okay, There's no crack in the facade, there's no listening, there's no change, and there's just excuses for everything, right? And so...
[1:23:57] That's my, I'm just, I'm desperate to help people. And, and, you know, strength or weakness, I don't even really care at the moment. That's just how it is, right? I'm desperate to help people. I know what the stakes are. I also know it's now or never, like it's going to happen on this call or it's never going to happen for the most part. And so, uh, you know, like if, if somebody's a chain smoker, right. And they're still young, right. They can beetle style. They can smoke and get better. Well, except for George Harrison. But if somebody is like a really heavy smoker, and I just know it's going to go badly in their life. They're going to get sick. They're going to die. They're going to secondhand smoke around their kids. It's going to be bad. And if I spend an hour really desperately trying to get them to at least agree to quit smoking, you know, and again, maybe it's a fault too much. It doesn't really matter. It just is. I have to satisfy my conscience. I hope it's not at the expense of the audience at all. I have to satisfy my own conscience that I gave it everything I could because it will not...
[1:24:55] Happen again for this guy. I mean, this is true in life. And, you know, tell me if you've experienced this yourself. There are opportunities that open up and when they close, they're gone and they don't come back. They're little portals, little windows, right? So this guy called up with very indirect questions that had nothing to do with what was really going on in his life. We burrowed through all of those. I was trying to sort of empower him and tell him the causality and give him some, um, authority and willpower in the situation, or at least tell him, don't, if you are subjugating yourself for reasons of sketchy immigration stuff, then don't complain about it. Just accept it as just the situation and so on. Right? So I, I really do. Uh, I really, I really do try. I really do try. Oh, he said, he's still here. He didn't hang up. I just didn't say anything because I didn't want to interrupt. What? No, that's, uh.
[1:26:04] No. So now he's, so I'm asking him for his last thoughts and then he doesn't say anything. He can at least say, I don't have any last thoughts, but he was just silent, which is passive aggressive. And now he's saying, well, I didn't want to interrupt. now that's passive aggressive right so i asked him not to interrupt and then he's saying well hey man i'm just following your instructions i didn't want to interrupt like that's just passive aggressive right so anyway uh again i mean some people uh you lower the rope down the well some people will gratefully clamber up and other people will try and pull you down and i don't do uh i don't do well i don't do well with wells all right uh sorry somebody's still on the line if you have any sort of quotes or comments or or issues i think you muted but if there's any other thoughts ah aab you had something that you wanted to mention just uh, unmute if you want i've given you permission amish bear.
[1:26:57] Hey yes sir how's it going good uh just a real quick quick story here about peaceful parenting if you don't mind the topic change i don't um so um i have my daughter this weekend i'm divorced and um she has an infection and.
[1:27:16] The we have to give her you know azithromycin standard protocol and she absolutely hates the taste of it and we just a methodology i employed that worked really well because she's six and being i basically trained her how to not taste food and just basically shoot it which like hold your nose or work not even hold your nose like we just worked together to develop a methodology for her to taste the medicine as little as possible and we used like strawberry sorbet as the practice so the point of this being i've gotten a lot of flack for the whole peaceful parenting thing and the not brute force approach and it absolutely works and the best the the side effect of this is she now knows that she can do something hard because she was crying at the thought of having to take the medicine because she knows how it tastes she knows it tastes horrible and it does i tasted it like it's bitter right so it's like plus one for the peaceful parenting it's absolutely effective it totally works and all the naysayers you're like well how do you get this stuff to help it's like just be creative just think about it how would you want to be treated in that situation. So much appreciation.
[1:28:42] Well, I mean, not to use too harsh an analogy, that's a great example, is that, so libertarians say, well, I mean, if the government doesn't force it, the free market will provide.
[1:28:54] And it's like, so if you just, if you just take force out of your vocabulary, all other kind of great things come along.
[1:29:01] Right. So, you know how people say, well, without the government, we won't have any roads. And it's like, well, without force, I won't have any influence on my kid or he won't have any discipline or, and it's, so it's like, well, without force, bad things are going to happen. And it's like, the libertarians always say, well, what if you just take force off the table? Then the free, like, you know, we had slaves and then we took slavery off the table and we got the modern world, right? Productivity and growth. Right. right so if you just say okay like it's like somebody says well i mean look, i mean the the mongolian genghis khan culture was about conquest and rape so you're saying hang on if we don't conquest and rape the entire human population is going to die out because no children will get born and it's like well no that's that's taxation but and feminism but but it's like saying well without rape how will children get born it's like well, romance, sex, love, you know, that kind of good. So if you take force off the table, it's incredible how many solutions will be generated. But as long as force is on the table, people think that's the only way things can get, well, you know, if the government doesn't tax you and inflict education, quote, education on everyone, kids won't get educated, right? And it's like, well, no, if you take force off the table, you get an infinity of wonderful moral and creative solutions. We accept that in the free market, but somehow around parenting, that whole idea just kind of falls apart. It's like, well, it's got to be forced. Otherwise you won't have any authority or discipline or you can't teach kids anything. And it's like, what if you just don't use violence?
[1:30:25] The opposite is true. Because I got her, she learned that she can do hard things now.
[1:30:31] Right.
[1:30:31] At six.
[1:30:33] Where she's learned that you don't just have to willpower it but you can use tips and tricks to to bypass some of it right yeah.
[1:30:41] And it's like and and the ability to empathize and be like yeah it's bitter yeah it sucks but we got to do it so you can be healthy reinforces that i care about her this is a positive thing versus an overwhelming negative thing.
[1:30:58] Right now i.
[1:30:59] Can take this strategy and use it for things like brussels sprouts or.
[1:31:03] Peas or vegetable and we do this all the time right like so i if i have you know i have endless paperwork to do sometimes as a as a business guy and i'm like okay but at least let me put on some great music you know i'll find ways to make it slightly less negative or or something like that or it's like okay well if i have if i have something really dull to read that i have to read for whatever reason, at least let me sit on a bike machine and get some cardio in or something like that. Like just try and find some way to make it less negative or, or something like that. And so, yeah, we do that kind of stuff, uh, all the time. And, uh, teaching a kid that when they're young is, is great. You know, I mean, I don't have to teach my daughter self-discipline because, you know, she's seen me now. I've got a headache. I'm tired. I don't want to do a show, but I'm going to go do a, do a show. Right. And it usually ends up being actually a pretty good way to spend the time. Cause it's not like sitting there with a headache and being tired is a lot of fun. So she sees me do the stuff that i don't always feel like doing in the moment so i don't have to teach yourself discipline because i've kind of modeled it and it's just as opposed to i'm going to hit you if you don't do it it doesn't teach self-discipline just teaches fear right.
[1:32:06] So just wanted to share that uh throw that in the hopper.
[1:32:10] Well i appreciate that and what a great way to end the conversation because yeah i mean my daughter and i are heading out today so i really do appreciate everyone dropping by, freedomain.com slash donate to help out. Did a great show this morning about let he who is without sin cast the first stone, which is one of the most powerful stories, not just in the Bible, but in the moral canon of ethical thinking in the West or the world as a whole. So I hope you'll check that out when it comes out. It was a great show last night. I hope that you'll check that out as well. And yeah, freedomain.com slash donate to help out the show. Really do appreciate everyone's time today. Lots of love. Take care.
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