0:00 - Birthday Plans
15:55 - Family Challenges
26:07 - Political Landscape
47:59 - Parenting Wisdom
1:04:00 - Death and Reconciliation
1:29:06 - Closing Thoughts
Today’s episode dives deep into the personal and often painful topics surrounding aging, family dynamics, and the complexities of dealing with a loved one's decline, particularly in the case of dementia. With my birthday just around the corner, I reflect on my life and how these conversations about mortality and care have played a significant role in shaping my views on relationships and legacy.
We start with a compelling listener question that highlights the often cold and callous nature of societal comments surrounding illness — in this case, dementia. The question illuminates the harsh realities many families face while navigating this difficult journey. I share my empathy for those undergoing similar situations and emphasize the brutal emotional toll it takes on families. As we discuss the painful truth of watching a loved one decline, I draw parallels with the lives of those who reach old age without reconciliation or healing, expressing my belief that the challenges of aging can expose the true character of individuals involved.
Transitioning into the broader theme of mortality, I challenge the romanticized notion perpetuated by films and literature that death magically bestows clarity and connection among family members. Instead, I share personal anecdotes from my experiences with loss — stories that highlight how truth and intimacy are often overshadowed by emotional distance and unresolved tensions rather than healed in the face of impending death. This leads to an exploration of the psychological dynamics at play and the tendency for familial relationships to fracture in the wake of loss rather than unite.
Throughout the episode, I also aim to unpack the influence of societal expectations and clichés surrounding family obligations and emotional exchanges. We delve into the tension between genuine care and the burdens that often accompany responsibilities towards aging parents, emphasizing how financial and emotional calculations can influence relationships. By presenting various perspectives on the role of inheritance and family dynamics, I scrutinize the ways in which death can act as both a literal and metaphorical transaction, revealing the often harsh realities behind familial love and connection.
As the conversation unfolds, I focus on the distinction between what we wish for during moments of vulnerability versus the more persistent truths of our relationships. Ultimately, I bring attention to the importance of open dialogue and active connection while we still can, suggesting that true intimacy should not wait for the grave. This episode serves both as a personal reflection on my experiences and an encouragement for listeners to reconsider the narratives they accept about death, love, and family.
[0:00] Well, good morning, everybody. Oh my gosh, it's the 22nd of September 2024. Two, count them, two days. I might, in fact, do a wee live stream on my birthday. I would love to give you guys a gift as well, which is I'll absolutely answer everything you want to ask of me and also give you an update on where things are with the show, with my life as a whole, because that's what I do every birthday. I do a sort of monthly project review of my life to make sure I'm on track with what I want and where my values are. And then I do a big one at the end of the year. Why not make it kind of a public place, a public thing? So I would love to give you that gift as well. A birth stream. That's right. I'll even show you my belly button, Also known as my first mouth. All right.
[0:51] So let's get straight to it. I have a lot of stuff to talk about today, but I like big. So I cannot lie. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Now I'm covered in a thousand vats of baby oil. It's so funny to think that all of these hot-ass gangsters, you know, these shoot-em-up tough guy gangsters, like all that they had to go through to get their career even started. It oh talk about your humiliation rituals so yeah i have a lot of stuff to talk about i love to talk about it with you guys and love to answer your questions let's get straight to the beautifully named think clearly username thank you for the tip good morning stefan happy birthday in advance you look amazing for 58 keeping shit tight uh yes well in terms of keeping shit tight i am half German. So question for you, if time allows. Oh, this is for you, if time allows. My mother has dementia and my siblings and father have been taking care of her for almost four years now. I was out yesterday with my husband's friends and his best friend asked about my mother. I gave him a short version of the difficulty and pain it has been for my father and siblings. He turned to my husband and said, something for you to look forward to. do?
[2:09] Oof, I was shocked he was so cold and callous about it. I didn't want to make a scene, so I stopped talking and was quiet for the remaining time we were there. Am I oversensitive? Or was that a little rude to refer to me as a future dementia patient my husband will have to care for? I'm doing everything in my power to ward off the disease, but sometimes genetics are a bitch. Was I being oversensitive to his comment? Thanks, Stefan, for your work. Right. First of all, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry for all that your family is going through with your mother's dementia.
[2:51] You know, for a lot of people, old age is a time of significant happiness.
[2:58] Because, and I'm getting a sort of sense of this, I don't want to make this about me, but for a lot of people, old age, because it's the reap rewards time, right? You've worked hard, you've made your tough decisions, and you don't have to figure out who you're going to marry, or what your career is going to be, or how much money you might or might not make. You don't need to figure out that much to do with your life as a whole. Also it's a reap rewards as ye so so so shall ye reap and old age is a time yeah i'm i'm looking forward to it i'm looking forward to it as i sort of slowly creep up there into my seventh decade soon and i'm looking forward to most of the major questions answered in my life i know who i'm going to grow old with i have completed most of my parenting tasks and it's just reaping the rewards at the moment and looking forward to grandkids and all of that so that there's a real comfort and pleasure in old age and and i'm sort of beginning that process and looking forward to it enormously but the dementia stuff is brutal the dementia stuff is brutal and i don't know if this genetics or lifestyle there certainly do seem to be a fairly large number of things that you can do to minimize your risk as you are doing. So.
[4:24] There are times, you know, there's this funny, funny phrase that people have, you know, the mask comes off, you know, like, sometimes in the past, when I would get angry at something, people would take that clip out of context, Stefan Molyneux, the mask comes off. But it's a it's a real phenomenon, never with me. Of course, UPB means I get exempted from everything. But it is a it is a real thing, right? That's a joke, by the way. So, it is a real thing that sometimes people's mask drops and comes off.
[5:00] So, this has been tearing your family apart for almost half a decade. And it's one of the most, particularly if you care for your mother, you love your mother, she was a good mother. watching that decay is unbelievably brutal. It is one of the worst deaths that can be imagined. Because it goes on and on and on. The mind can go while the body remains healthy. I mean, a friend of mine is going through the same thing, and his father was extremely healthy, like an exercise and his father's brain is really going, but his body is, strong and fit and healthy. And this is, it's, it's really, really tough. It's really, it's, it's really one of the worst things to go through in life. So So, in my view, your husband's friend is vicious and corrupt to the core.
[6:18] So, that is sabotaging a relationship in one of the worst ways possible. Something for you to look forward to. that is cruel, cold it is rolling a grenade into the marital tent and it is designed to was it some, gosh was it Johnny Cash or something was like I don't remember I don't read reviews because you never know what you're going to read that's going to be like a stone in your shoe for the next three months you know.
[6:57] And there are things that people put in your head that just roll around in your brain and reshape who you are. It's not cold and callous. It is, so there's something that's going on with the friend and you and your husband. So, and, you know, maybe we should do a call-in show about this if that works for you, freedomain.com slash call. But there's something going on. There's a jealousy of your relationship, there's a jealousy of your commitment, and this MF is sabotaging your relationship with your husband. He's sabotaging your husband's relationship with you. He's trying to plant a seed in your husband's mind that is going to unravel his pair bond. Oh, she forgot something. Oh, is it starting? You know, whatever. Ever he's just trying to make him paranoid and like that's just absolutely appalling, that is you're not being oversensitive at all that is that is one of the worst things i i've i've been around the block a couple of times right and i've heard some pretty terrible things over the course of my life and you guys have heard a lot of the terrible things that i've heard that is one of the worst things i've ever heard in my life that is one of the worst things, i've ever heard in my life.
[8:23] That this guy would try to take this fiery bladed axe to the root of your pair bonding with your husband and turn him into somebody who would be paranoid about the last 10 years of his life with you uh is it i i would have nothing to do with with someone like this i'm not telling you what to do i'm just i would have nothing to do with someone like this that is somebody who is extremely dangerous. That is someone who is extremely dangerous.
[8:58] For two reasons. One is that he said this, and two, that neither you nor your husband said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
[9:09] We're being vulnerable, and we're trying to talk to you about something that is really difficult for us, and you roll this kind of grenade in, like something for you to look forward to. We're actually being vulnerable. We're talking about our biggest heartache, our biggest challenge, our biggest difficulty, the most appalling thing that we we have to deal with and have been dealing with emotionally for close to half a decade, and you say something like that, what the hell is going on? Where would that come from? Why would you say something like that? Like genuine curiosity. Like that's such a terrible thing to say when we're talking about our pain. You then slide some kind of poison shiv into the heart of our relationship. Like what on earth is going on? on so my question is why and it's not a critical question i'm sure there are good reasons but why would you be both undermined attacked and silenced why would you not say okay okay that that hurt right that that really that was just oh my god now i'm worried about it my husband's worried about it. I mean, that is such a hammer blow to the foundation of your happiness. And that is also at a time when you're dealing with this burden, this guy is trying to layer another paranoia into your life. I mean, holy crap.
[10:31] I mean, talk about kicking someone when they're down. That is appalling. That is absolutely appalling. And I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. And again, I'm sure you've done this much better than I have, but do as much as you can. And I'm sure you'll be able to stave it off, no problem, but there does seem to be things that you can do to try and avoid falling into this dementia state. Look it up yourself, talk with your doctor Last thing I'd ever want to do is give anyone medical advice But yeah, that is someone.
[11:10] I would, You can't even talk to him So he provoked you into kind of a dishonesty Because you were really stung, hurt, upset and angry As you should be, about what he said, and you couldn't say anything and both you and your husband bowed down before this repulsive statement so that's the major issue i mean obviously you can't control what he says, you can't control whether he's around to say things to you but my issue would be and what i I would, if I were you, what I would talk about with your husband is, so why didn't we say anything? Right. And we, we would say this in a non-critical way, of course. Right. Right. We would, you would say this in a, you know, well, why the hell didn't like, that's not going to help. Right. In fact, that's just making things worse. That's just putting more division in, but why didn't we say something when this man said this absolutely appalling thing to you and your husband. Why didn't we speak? Why didn't we say something in the moment? Right? That's really, really important. It means that you're frightened of this guy.
[12:39] Anyone who silences your tongue has frightened your heart. So the reason that you can't say, whoa, what the hell was that? That is an absolutely appalling thing to say for me. That's like really stung and hurt. and why would you say that? I don't, like, that's terrible for me, right? So why wouldn't you say that? Well, because you're frightened of this guy, and rightly so. But you're frightened to the point where you both are told something absolutely wretched and appalling, and you say nothing about it. I, personally, will not be in a single relationship where I can't tell the truth, I will not be silenced In my personal relationships, I will not be silenced.
[13:42] So the big question is, why didn't you say anything? And again, I don't mean this in a critical way In a genuine, curious way, and you can let me know But why? Why would you not say anything? Why would you and your husband say, not say something like, I don't want to repeat the whoa, whoa, whoa stuff, but right? No, you're not being oversensitive. His comment, that is a brutal, vicious, and ugly comment. The fact that he said it and that he got away with it because you and your husband did not call him on it either then or since you didn't call him up or go over and say, okay, this was like really tough for us. This was really tough for us. Oh, you're just being oversensitive. Oh, it was just a comment. and I was trying to lighten the situation. I was trying to make a joke. So all of our concerns are just completely invalid. We just misunderstood everything. It's funny. It's a joke to think that my husband is going to have to take care of me for years and years when I get old and start losing my mind. That's your idea of a joke? Like, help me understand your thinking here, right? So the problem is that he asserted an act of sabotage and domination. Anybody who can shut you up has dominated. you, has dominated you. And why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who can silence you with one stroke of a vicious tongue? All right. Doug says, how to go from head to heart.
[15:06] I listened to the last call and you posted and can totally relate to that state of paralysis disconnected from any kind of visceral emotions. How to bust out? Anger. Look up my podcast called The Joy of Anger, fdrpodcast.com. It's called The Joy of Anger. What's the best way to bring moral philosophy to a mostly teen-aged gaming community strictly online?
[15:30] Well, I would ask them why they're taking out all of their assertiveness and skepticism and aggression verbally online. Why don't they go and criticize society by then it can stand up to authority figures, right?
[15:56] Hi Stef, how can we best fight against the current political landscape? Having children, I understand, is the number one most important thing to do, but what else can we do to prevent societal collapse and create a prosperous future for our children? The system is where it is, and I don't think that there's any turning back based on reason and evidence and obviously there may be people who could do it way better than i could but you know i was working on it for 40 years when you've been working on things for 40 plus years and they're in a much worse state than when you started then you have to recognize that your approach for me i just had to recognize that my approach wasn't working now of course i had a parallel approach which was childhood and parenting and that works really well right that works really well. Everyone who criticizes me, in particular from the libertarian circles and so on, you know, my fundamental question is, let's just talk empiricism. My fundamental response is, let's just talk empiricism. So all the people who are like, oh, Stef's good at politics, and he just talks to people about psychobabble and, you know, all of this kind of stuff, or whatever people say. I mean, I haven't checked in forever, but I'm sure this stuff is out there. Or like I just did a show about some guy was like oh Leonard Peikoff is way better than you are he's a he was an acolyte of Ayn Rand and a very good writer and thinker he's way better than you are he's just better more concise and so on right okay and that's fine and.
[17:23] These are just people who've not been in empirical fields. Philosophy generally resists the empirical proof of virtue, because empirical proof of virtues promote virtue and oppose the interests of evildoers, which means they get mad at you and act against you, right? This is why everyone loves to have these abstract trolley questions which don't annoy any evildoer, right? So it's like saying, well, I want to develop a cure for cancer, but not harm the interests of any cancer cells it's like well then you're just, some kind of weird circle jerk right so for all the people who criticize me and that's that's fine you know i mean there's lord knows there's things that i can improve right but for all the people who criticize me in some sort of fundamental way of misallocating my mental acuity and resources, i would simply answer ask the following question who has more empirically reduced violations of the non-aggression principle. That's all I'm asking. Which philosopher or libertarian or objectivist or voluntarist has measurably and empirically and objectively reduced violations of the non-aggression principle more than me?
[18:46] Millions and millions of families have heard the peaceful parenting message. Hundreds of thousands or probably millions by now of children are not being hit because of what I've done. That's empirical. And maybe it's because I got my first job when I was 10 and I had to empirically produce painted memorabilia for the Queen's Silver Jubilee in 1977. Maybe because I actually had to empirically do that. Maybe it's because of all the jobs that I had, whether it was cleaning offices, whether it was working as a waiter, whether it was putting the New York Times together every Sunday at a bookstore. All of the jobs that I had had to have measurable empirical outcomes. And words didn't matter relative to actual productive output. When I was working up north, I worked with fierce, brutal environmental realities. I was so far from a hospital working in the bush, which you had to fly in to get to, there were no roads there, that if you made a mistake with your drills or your flamethrowers or your axes, if you made a mistake, you would probably die. Even when one night I was getting a last sample with a friend of mine, and it was going to be minus 35 that night, and we couldn't find our way back because it turned pitch black. Pitch black.
[20:16] No moon cloudy sky pitch black like you couldn't tell the difference between opening and closing your eyes that's the kind of mistake that can get you killed because you probably wouldn't survive a night or at least one of your extremities may not right.
[20:32] And then I was doing an English degree for a couple of years, and that was really subjective and loosey-goosey. And then I went to theater school for almost two years, where, you know, some of it's subjective and loosey-goosey, but you do actually have to get jobs, and you do actually have to memorize the play, and you do actually have to act, and you can be reviewed on it. And then I went to history, which was okay. And then I worked in the business world, and then I finished my master's degree in history, where I was really working in an objective area. and then shortly after that I started a business where my code had to run and compile and actually be bought by people so there's empirical measurements to all of that. So I'm just used to measuring things by real events. I am an empiricist. And so for all of the people who have criticisms of my approach I would simply ask them, have you empirically, objectively, measurably reduced violations of the non-aggression principle more than me? And if you haven't, STFU.
[21:41] I don't care. I mean, if I'm out there selling software and you're like, hey, software sucks. My software is way better. And I say, well, how many have you sold? Well, none. In fact, I'm way more in debt now than when I started. It's like, okay, well, it's just a bunch of noise. You can't manage what you can't measure. And libertarians publishing another essay on the evils of fiat currency and foreign policy is bad. National debts are bad. It's like, okay, libertarianism has been around for 150 years. Is the government bigger or smaller than when libertarianism started?
[22:22] It's way bigger. So if you have the goal of reducing, say, a tumor, and the tumor is 30 times larger than when your magic treatment started, well, as an empiricist, wouldn't you have a little skeptic? No! It's a gig, it's noise, it's nonsense, it's virtue signaling, and so on. I just want to know, and I'm certainly happy to be corrected on this. Which liberty-minded thinker has empirically, measurably reduced violations of the non-aggression principle more than me. People are out of abusive relationships. People are not hitting their children. People are reasoning with them. People are taking them out of sometimes government schools, if that's legal and possible in the geographical environment.
[23:17] People have not gotten into relationships that would obviously be negative and destructive. They have rescued other people from bad relationships. So when I say measurable empirical, of course, I don't know down to the last person. Of course, that wouldn't be information that you could ever get. But with over a billion views and downloads of my videos, a lot of which are focusing on on peaceful parenting, right? That's a lot. That's a lot.
[23:52] So it's millions and millions of children, I would assume, because one family has multiple children. It's millions and millions of children that are not being hit because of what I did. That is a measurable, objective, and empirical reduction in violations of the non-aggression principle, not counting people who got out of other kinds of abusive relationships. And the fact that people sort of crab at me in some abstract fashion, it is honestly, it's just funny to me. It just means that they don't care about the non-aggression principle. And when I say, look, here's how to measurably reduce violations of the non-aggression principle, talk about peaceful parenting and voluntary relationships online and in your personal environment, and people don't do it, it's like, okay, so you just don't care about the non-aggression principle.
[24:40] Because you should want to act against the most prevalent violations of the non-aggression principle that you can do the most about. So as far as what can we do to prevent societal collapse? Well, I mean, maybe you can do better than I can. And obviously, that's beyond a mere possibility. But I myself am in a position for managing my response to the decline. I am not preventing the decline. Look, I mean, the bad guys have control over education, the media, currency, the courts, the state, the police. Like, come on. I mean, let's be reasonable here, right? All right.
[25:33] All right. Thank you for your tip. I appreciate that. So, I mean, this is a question you can ask, too. too, like of people who criticize me, and not because of me, but just because we want to do what we can to... Reduce violations of the non-aggression principle, right?
[26:07] All right, let me just... Why is this not refreshing over here? Are we still cooking? All right, let me just get to... I can get the questions here, right? Thank you for the tip, Lion Son. I appreciate that. that? All right. Hi, Stef. I talked to the language teacher I asked about on Wednesday. She said, quote, having kids is not just my decision. The partner also has to want them. When I said, if you want kids, you should find a partner who also wants them. She said, I cannot imagine to be deliberatively looking for a partner. Love is best when you meet someone naturally. I mean, I can understand where she's coming from in that if you have a partner that you truly love, you will be more likely to want to have kids, right? Having kids has something to do with the quality of your partner. But if you want kids, you should be looking for a quality partner. Love is best when you meet someone naturally. So she's just in any way the wind blows kind of person, right? Which is probably not great. Good morning, Stef. Happy birthday in advance. I'm donating this as a small token in comparison to the value I've gotten. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that.
[27:31] Somebody says my maternal grandpa lived to 94 his mind was gone before he hit 90 reduced to a pro a pre-verbal child horrific to see i mean i could be wrong of course it's just my particular opinion but i think that philosophy has got to be pretty good at protecting the brain i'm constantly forming new neurons with new thoughts and ideas i view this as a workout as essential to me as you know weights and cardio i view this these live streams it's a workout we're getting together to work out. We are getting together to exercise and work out. I watched an in-law mentally deteriorate from lung cancer that spread to the brain. It's horrible. Yeah, yeah, it is. I have much more respect for a true enemy than a false friend. Yeah, for sure. Somebody says, I would recommend the book, The Ultra Mind Solution. It talks about causes, as prevention and treatment of dementia. I can't recommend it myself, but I put it out there for others to check out.
[28:41] Recently, a video on social media has surfaced of a mother kneeling for her daughter and begging her to get on the school bus. A lot of people talking crap about the mother and how parents are pussies in today's age. I mean, you shouldn't be begging your kids for stuff. You have to have some authority. Kids are not going to be comfortable if they think you're not in control. Thanks for asking my question, Stef. So humbling to see an Ivy League grad that isn't a shill for the elites as they known. Thank you.
[29:16] Libertarians love throwing away their vote by thinking Ron Paul had a chance at the presidency. Yeah, I wrote books about that, did speeches and all of that. And I would rather, you know, but it's a lot easier in your life to advocate for Ron Paul, Who is a great guy, by the way. I mean, massive props and respect for Ron Paul. A great guy, a great doctor, and a great writer, and a great mind, and nothing but massive respect for the guy. I mean, absolutely. But the idea that he was going to become president is madness.
[29:49] Somebody says, Hi, Stef. I went and visited my daughter yesterday, and she informed me that her cousin, who is eight, was attempting to manipulate my daughter, who just turned six. The eight-year-old asked my daughter to do something in the recent past which my daughter didn't feel comfortable doing. The eight-year-old then tried to manipulate my daughter, saying, If you're my friend, you'll do it. I tried to explain that she never has to do anything uncomfortable like that, and she should tell Mom or call me if this happens again. I'm interested in how you would handle the situation. situation? That's a great question. And when I was a kid, the phrase was, I'll be your best friend. I'll be your best friend, like the hand. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was that little reverse. What are they? Sam Cooke. You used to do that all the time. But yeah, it was always, I'll be your best friend. And this offer of friendship in return for material gain was really, really something.
[30:54] You need to prepare your kids for social situations where manipulation is going to occur. So parenting is all about the preparation. It's not about the patching up afterwards. It's about not getting into the war rather than triaging the war, so to speak. Week so of course the technically correct answer the upb answer is if somebody says do this thing you're uncomfortable with if you're my friend you'll do it is to say well i'm not comfortable with it if you're my friend you won't ask me to because that's upb in it right, if because the principle is if you're my friend you'll obey me and do what i want well i don't want you to ask this question so if you're my friend the same principle applies right, So the UPB answer to, if you're my friend, you'll do it, is, if you're my friend, you won't ask me to. Checkmate, right?
[31:51] So you've got to teach your kids verbal defense. You've got to teach your kids verbal defenses against these manipulations, which are everywhere, right? So when you're watching a kid's movie, there's usually a bad guy or a mean guy or something. And so you stop the movie and you say, okay, if you're in this situation, right, before we see what the writers do, you just use it as prep. Everything is warm up. Everything is like, you know, the boxer doesn't just get into the ring, right? He's trained for years ahead of time.
[32:21] You'll see bad behavior in public, and you'll pause, and you'll say, right, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, I mean, sometimes with my daughter, I completely sanitize these things, of course, and put them in age-appropriate context, but I'll say, oh, I got an email for a call-in request, and this is what the person is dealing with. What would you advise? What would you say? Right? Just give her that, right? So, it's all about warming up. What is the source for there being less spanking in the world? Not that I think you're incorrect. Correct. Okay. No, that's, that's a perfectly valid question. Let's see if I can do this live. Okay. So what do we got here? So we got a billion, right? A billion views and downloads, right? And let's say we'll times that by, you know, I don't know, 0.25, right? So two, maybe a quarter of the time I mentioned or talk about peaceful parenting. No, it's probably more than that because the call-in shows talk a lot about parenting and peaceful parenting and the call-in shows are a lot of the shows so we're going to go with 500 million views and downloads.
[33:24] Which are talking about peaceful parenting right so let's say the people who are listening who are interested let's say only, you know i'll be conservative let's say that only 10 of those people end up not hitting their children because they hear about the agony of child abuse in call-in shows or they listen to presentations or read presentations the truth about circumcision the truth about spanking the truth about uh the the ace stuff the bomb in the brain uh so let's just say i'm gonna say only 10 percent of the people who listen uh are parents who end up not hitting their kids i think it's higher but you know i don't want to overstate the case right so that gives us 50 000 sorry that That gives us 50 million parents who have decided not to hit their kids because of the work that I've done over the past 20 years, right? There's 50 million parents. Again, we can argue these numbers. Maybe it's more, maybe it's less, but this is just a rough metric, right? This is the basic business case analysis, right, where you have to try and gauge some numbers, right? it. So if we've got 50 million parents, and usually it's one parent listening who convinced the other, so it's 100 million parents, but let's just say 50 million families over the past.
[34:48] 20 years, have decided not to hit their children. I think the number was closer to 100 million, but again, I'll just, let's say, 50 million, and let's say, of course, they have two children, so that's 100 million children who have not been hit over the course of the last 20 years. 100 million, that's three candidates worth of children who have not been hit based upon the work that I've done. And this doesn't count the peaceful parenting stuff, which is sort of spreading quite a bit, like the actual book and so on, right? Now, I think it's more, I think it's closer to a quarter of a billion, but let's just say it's 100 million kids who are not being hit because of the work that I've done. And so let's say that those kids were getting hit once a week, right?
[35:37] And let's say it's 10 years once a week, right? So once a week is 52 times a year, that's 520 over 10 years, so 100 million times 520 is 52 billion, sorry, yeah, that's 52 billion hits not happening. So 52 billion hittings, 52 billion violations of the non-aggression principle have been prevented by my show. And these are averages, maybe it's 40 billion, maybe it's 100 billion, but I have reduced violations of the non-aggression principle, with your help, 52 billion times over the last 20 years. 52 billion non-violent interactions have occurred which otherwise would have been violent violations of the non-aggression principle. This doesn't count other things. This doesn't, this is just spanking, right? But this doesn't count verbal abuse, which is incredibly destructive which would also be reduced. This doesn't include even things like confinements in a room or not having your dinner. This doesn't include things like circumcision. This doesn't include the people who might have gotten their kids out of really mentally destructive and abusive schools and thus reduced bullying their children are associated with. So honestly, it's probably at least 100 to 150 billion.
[37:06] Less coercive, violent violations of the non-aggression principle that exist in this world as a result of what we have done together.
[37:18] So my source for there being less spanking in the world is simple math. And the 1 billion views and downloads does not include my books.
[37:33] Right, because that's just views and downloads. That doesn't include my books. Something like real-time relationship, which certainly touches on parenting, also has a big effect on people. So, 100 to 150 billion fewer violations of the non-aggression principle in the world because of what we have done together, your support, and me taking all these bullets. So, when people are like, oh, Stef, he's a bad guy, he's cult leader, what, that's like, okay, you can say whatever you want. You can add to the violations in the world by lying about me and slandering me and defaming me. Okay, but simple fact, what keeps me going, what keeps me strong, what keeps me dedicated is 100 to 150 billion reduction, in violations of the non-aggression principle. I've got that forever and ever. Amen, and it only continues from here. So all the people who kind of abandoned me or ghosted me and so on. It's like, well, I've done everything that I can. They're the ones who have to live with the fact that they have increased vastly the number of violations of the non-aggression principle because they don't want to share my work anymore, right?
[38:59] So that's where the numbers come from. And so when I say as a philosopher I have done the most to reduce violence in the world, in a measurable objective fashion now you have to make some assumptions but that's always the case with these kinds of things everyone has to extrapolate everyone has to make assumptions but if you can point to another philosopher, who has reduced 150 billion instances of violence in the world. I'm all ears in a measurable way. Not like, well, he was kind of anti-war and blah, blah.
[39:50] So that's where the numbers come from. And that's why when people criticize me, it is laughably pitiful and pathetic. Because all you need to do is ask them and say, well, what have you done to reduce violence in the world? What have you done to reduce violations of the non-aggression principle? Ooh, you care so much about the non-aggression principle. What have you done to reduce violations of the non-aggression principle in any kind of measurable or objective fashion. And you never hear anything back, right? You never hear anything back. It's all just like, well, he's a bigot. Okay. Well, you will go on calling your little names and I'll just keep going on doing the work of reducing evil in the world. I cannot have it undone over the course of my life and the work that I've done that I have reduced, or eliminated 100 to 150 billion instances of evil over the course of my public career.
[41:15] It doesn't even count people who were verbally abused by their elders who may have gotten out of those abusive relationships. So no matter what happens, that is the foundation of my existence. And those who are actually doing the hard work of advancing virtue and opposing evil, getting jeered and yelled at by the sidelines people, people. It's like, it's honestly, it's just noise. It's just noise. Like, you know, that there's the people, the armchair warriors, you know, the tubby guys yelling at the athletes to do better. Well, at least they're part of the economic equation, right? Right?
[42:04] So this is not, they're just in the way. They don't want to actually do good and they don't want to support the people actually doing measurable good in the world. They just want to whine, complain, and feel like they're doing good because they're talking about shit that won't change a goddamn thing and nobody cares about. I mean, I'm deplatformed because they don't have stuff on me and I was doing actual good in the world. That's the deal. That's the price, right? Everybody who's not deplatformed is not doing, oh, I'm going to complain about some alphabet agency. Oh, I'm going to complain about the EU. Oh, I'm going to complain about migration policy. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yap, yap, yap. And you know, I've talked about these things and it's fine, but how about you actually reduce evil in the world and promote virtue in a measurable, objective way, right? So that's it. I'm here to cure evil. I'm here to cure evil. I'm here to cure evil. And I get those emails all the time. You got me out of abusive relationships. You got me out of hitting my children. You got me out of being harmed. You've heard this all the time. Oh, I hear this all the time.
[43:27] Let me just...
[43:35] Roosevelt, although a crazy guy. Of course. This is a quote that struck me deeply, from a mad guy. But it's a good quote. It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. Mmm, that's some good stuff. That is some good stuff right there. I'll put the quote right here. In le chat, le window. But if that doesn't move your blood to the boiling point, check your pulse.
[44:46] All right. Bum, bum, bum. Thank you, Stefan, for doing your part. You've truly done more good than 99% of people. I really want to do my part. Well, I think I just did the math that it's a little more than 99%, but thank you.
[45:06] In the way Occam has his razor you should have some concept named after the special drill you used during gold panning beyond our drill it was called well spanking is becoming illegal in lots of places additionally when my generation compares our upbringing to the way we bring up our children we are a lot less violent it's like drunk driving it's not acceptable anymore that's true but of Of course, one of the problems with the modern world is toxic parenting has switched, or toxic child raising, particularly in schools, has switched from physical abuse to verbal abuse, and arguably the verbal abuse is worse, right? So it's like fifth generation warfare. It's not hitting, it's undermining and corrupting. Somebody says, apparently experts are calling dementia type 3 diabetes. They seem to think it's mostly preventable by good diet and exercise. I don't know.
[46:30] Couldn't some libertarian make the same argument as you? I have X views of videos of me talking about the non-aggression principle. Let's say Y percent of people decided not to violate the non-aggression principle, and therefore I presented Z violations.
[46:43] But that's not measurable. Right, so let's say that somebody's talking about the national debt, right? And they say the national debt is a violation of the non-aggression principle, which it would be, of course.
[46:56] So people have decided not to national debt. I mean, what does that mean? How is that measurable? It's wrong to foreign aid to take the money from the poor people of rich countries, send them to the rich people of poor countries. Okay, I've decided not to foreign aid. You can decide not to hit your kids. You can't decide not to national debt or not to foreign aid or anything like that. So that's what I mean by practical and measurable. Is it actionable? Is the advice you're giving actionable? If not it's noise somebody who says sadly i know someone who thinks violence against children in discipline is the right thing to do also promotes husbands using force to discipline wives oh yeah no discipline is funny right because discipline if it's not self-discipline it's just fear it's just post-traumatic stress disorder and compliance you're just breaking people people. You're just destroying their rational faculty through fear, at least temporarily.
[47:59] So discipline should be self-discipline or it's worthless. And if you're hitting children, clearly you don't have self-discipline because you're getting so angry you're not reasoning with them, right?
[48:18] All right, let me get to your other questions and comments. and meet me in the back of the blue bus. Mom should have dealt with the child's desire to go to school long before the first day of school. Uh, does the child want to go to school?
[49:01] The argument of staffs I have used that worked best was that we want our children to be able to negotiate when they grow up rather than following rules blindly, therefore we have to teach them negotiation as they grow up. I was amazed. The person I was talking to didn't get angry or defensive, he just said that's a really good point and changed their mind. Yeah, it's good. Watching my daughter deal with authority figures is a thing of beauty. It really is. It really is a thing of beauty because I've never, ever portrayed myself as an authority figure. And look at how much money libertarians spend doing their conventions and they never win instead of supporting your local philosopher. Right. Right. I mean, I think libertarians are stuck in masochism of ineffectiveness. It's really just a psychological problem more than it is any kind of rational, philosophical approach. Hmm. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Have you had to deal with the death of a loved one, particularly an older one?
[50:28] Just out of curiosity. Because I have a topic. I want to know how relevant it is to people. Have you had to deal with the death of a loved one? A person, right? A sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent. Great-grandparent. Right. This is a big, big topic.
[51:12] You have, okay. So, let me ask you this, because I have a theory cooking in the boiling brain of my bloodline. From a one to ten, how much truth, revelation, connection, intimacy, honesty, reconciliation, and depth came out of that person or those people when they were dying. In other words, how much revelation and connection and unpacking of the heart did that person go through over the course of their deathbed? Just one to ten. One being they were pretty much the same as they were in life. Ten being they unpacked their heart. There was this incredible revelation, disconnection, everything made sense, you understood it, and all of that. Zero. Zero. Zero. None.
[52:27] Zero. Well, it's fine if you draw outside the lines. One, two, zero, one, same, zero. Right. So I watched a movie called, what was it called? My Three, His Three Daughters. And it was a little girly. Yeah, it died suddenly, doesn't count. We've got one person who's a six, that's good, but everyone else is zero, one or two.
[53:08] So there's this cliche in movies that I was thinking about while watching His Three Daughters, which is a very sentimental movie. The writing is good, the acting is very good, but there's this horrible cliche that happens in these movies. Horrible cliche. And I'm going to ask if this helps liberate you in your life. If you could donate, I would really, really appreciate it. This is a hard-won wisdom. I will tell you that, man. And if you're listening to this later, freedomain.com slash donate to help out the show. This is some hard-won wisdom. I'll tell you that straight up. Brutally hard-won wisdom. So if you find it valuable, if you could support or tip, I would really, really appreciate it. Because this is going to be a journey. It's going to be a journey. So the cliche in these kinds of movies is, is our father slash mother slash whoever is dying. They made lots of mistakes in their youth. They did bad things. They loved too many people. They loved badly. Maybe they were aggressive. Maybe they were detached. They weren't great parents. But there's this volcanic krakatoa of intimacy and connection.
[54:36] As they are dying. They look back teary-eyed upon the youth and the regrets, and they unpack their heart of all of its hidden chambers, and they connect with those around them, and the siblings who don't get along find themselves finding reconciliation and connection, and there's this giant rocket ship of death that takes everyone to a higher plane and catapults them up to elevated states of platonic idealism of truth, empathy, intimacy, and connection. Death opens the heart. Death opens the history.
[55:19] Death connects. And this is what happens in this movie, that there are these three sisters, couple of spoilers here. It's worth watching, in my opinion. But, you know, one of the sisters is a truly rancid and horrible drug addict and gambling addict and just as dysfunctional as dysfunctional can be i was like wow she plays a drug addict really well and then i looked her up and well she was a drug addict this jewish woman she was a drug addict for a long time and really hard drugs too so and then the other woman is kind of hippy dippy played by one of the olsen, Olsen, I don't think one of the twins is sort of hippy-dippy woman. And then the other is this kind of flinty-hearted, practical, cold and distant woman who's dealing with a difficult teenager and so on, right? And they're, you know, snapping and sniping at each other and circling like a bunch of sharks and criticizing and then hugging. Like all this kind of chaos and nonsense and all that kind of stuff, right? And again, it's well-written, well-acted. You really get a sense of the characters and so on. And...
[56:43] Then there's a scene near the end, because you don't really see the father, he's off-screen. It's one of these tricks, like a theater trick. You don't see this father. He's off-screen, and he's dying, and he's drugged up, and he's barely coherent, and so on. And then he comes out, and he talks about his life, and this Irish girl called Bliss that he really cared about when he was younger. And then he was a government worker, so part of the tyrant class as a whole. He was a government worker for like 32 years, city manager or whatever that was. And he's looking at the window and he's looking down at the streets and he's like, Ah, I think of all of the ghosts and memories that walk those streets. Soon I will join them. And all of this crap that people never say. The sentimental shit that people never ever say.
[57:35] Ah, now that I am dying, I am reflective on my life. And I wish to impart these words of wisdom to you like terms of endearment. Deborah Winger had a professional career of dying of every cancer known to man throughout the course of her career from like terms of endearment to Shadowlands. I think I have the right actress. She was like a professional falling corpse. And now that i'm dying the depth and clarity you know this is the framing even of the movie titanic where well i'm i'm old i'm really old reflections changed a bit i'm really old i'm going to take this gem that was could set my family up for five generations and drop it in the ocean because i did live with a guy for like 70 years raised families with him raised children traveled all the world with him i nursed him when he got old and and i lived with this guy for 70 years but what I really care about in my old age and what I'm destroying an entire fortune for is because some homeless guy fucked me on a boat 70 years ago and that's all I think about and this apparently according to that meme is called the great love story for women, but that's the cliche right, that's the cliche, that's the cliche.
[58:59] So, somebody says, my husband's dad died with colon cancer, and while he was dying, he contacted every relative he broke in contact with to try to connect one more time. He talked to us about the wrongs he did in his marriage, stories about drugs, basically all the things he regretted starting having some church person come over daily. So, I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Of course, right? Hmm not as good as Sean Bean as Sean Bean his audition is just being speared.
[59:40] Does a janitor at a public university count as public sector would explain many things yeah kind of oh i'll get your question thank you for the tip i'll get your question in a sec, i'll get your question in a sec so that's the cliche right, that the siblings have been at each other's throats, but my gosh, they connect and everything works out, and they find some reconciliation, and they cry, and so on. And the general cliché, which is very much in play, again, skillfully written and acted, but the clichés are just overwhelming, which is, there's one child who has really spent a long time I'm taking care of the aging parent. There are other children who are out there living their own lives, having their own families, and don't come to visit, and they then criticize the child who's been taking care of the parent, and the child who's been taking care of the parent says, well, where were you, man? Where were you when I was doing it? Where were you when I was taking care of it? And they're like, well, you could have done it better, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
[1:01:08] Why and often in the kid who's taking care of the parent is like a parasitical loser and that's the case in this movie too that she gets free food and rent i assume she's living off his government pension and social security so she's not taking care of the elderly father she is living rent-free and taking his money i assume so that she can smoke drugs and gamble so she's feeding organized crime by parasiting off her father's pension who itself who it's itself is parasited off the taxpayers in the future generations right really did you mean to send me a dollar tip, okay maybe that's it maybe it's a typo right.
[1:01:56] So where were you man well you're just here because you're taking advantage of him and You don't know. So all of this stuff, right? And it's all of these cliches. This ferocity and this escalation and so on, right? And there's the kid who, she can't go in the room. It's just too painful, so difficult, right? And then there's always the scene where they're lying all entwined and hugging together and remembering some precious childhood memory that made them laugh. And it's all very teary-eyed and all very, I mean, all very cliched. Again, skillfully done, but a skillful cliche is still just a cliche.
[1:02:43] And then they snap at each other. Thank you for the tip. And then they snap at each other and then they apologize, but nothing's reconciled. There's no actual depth or anything like that. And there's always an off-screen kid who, one of the parents, who's the kid of the dying guy is having problems with and so on, right? And then there's the sweet person whose life seems perfect. Perfect and there's always the scene where well your life is just so perfect oh you think my life is so perfect my life isn't perfect whatever like some of them my husband's having an affair and i just covering it up so there's always this facade of perfection cracks down and then the person who's considered the real loser always turns out to have some staggering insight or wisdom that they, spout up like vesuvius from their drug addled state of self-avoidance and trauma desperate blah, blah, blah, right? So it's all these cliches. So why do these stories continue to be told? Why do these fairy tales continue to be told? About how death brings truth, revelation, connection, and heals all wounds. Why?
[1:04:00] Why?
[1:04:11] You mocking this cliche is cracking me up Stef oh it's it's everywhere you know the one thing that i'm absolutely desperate in my life as a fiction writer is to avoid cliches, cliches are these comfortable strangling sweaters that you put on thinking it's going to keep you warm and it just drowns you in sentimentality it's horrible don't you get this oh Oh, I know what's coming now. Oh, here it comes. And again, skillfully done, but it's still just as relentless cliche. So why do these cliches exist? But let me tell you why I think they don't exist. I have been around three elder deaths. I won't get into, well, I can talk about my dad in some detail, but I've been around three elder deaths. Nothing was learned. Nothing was said. Horrible things were done, at least in one of them. A month or two before the death, nothing was resolved. No honesty came out. People were as mean when they died as they were when they lived.
[1:05:25] My father wrote an entire book of his life i was mentioned i think twice in passing and there was one picture of me which was a vanity thing because it was me standing out front of the national theater school and my father was old when he died i don't know what he died of but i assume he wasn't hit by a bus and so he probably had some advance warning of his death there was no reach out there was no connection, there was no contact, there was no conversation, there was no revelation, there was nothing, nothing. My mother is old as frack, and there's no revelation, there's no connection, there's no understanding, there's no depth, there's no, it doesn't happen. That's why at Panvest, we've got one or two examples, which is a couple of percent. Maybe one or two or three percent of it, according to this obviously unscientific survey, there's some truth, some revelation, some connection, some contact, some... So why do these clichés exist, do you think? Why?
[1:06:37] Why do you think? Let me just make sure I'm getting everybody's comments here.
[1:07:00] Sounds a bit biblical, the parable of the prodigal son. What about people with Alzheimer's? In the end, they don't remember anything good or bad. Yes, but they know they have Alzheimer's before their brains go. And do they unpack their hearts before they lose their minds?
[1:07:29] So, I first and foremost view these cliches not in terms of art or sentimentality or psychology. I view them in terms of raw economics. Of raw economics. If you have been a bad parent, why would people take care of you when you're old? Let's say you were neglectful abusive violence you dumped your kids in daycare you didn't care about them in schools you didn't give a shit about your kids when you were young and then you get old and it's like oh no oh no, oh you circumcised your kids or whatever right so this to me is just brutal economics, which is well you should stick around because the ghost of gold is about to materialize you You should stick around, because there's a great and deep truth.
[1:08:29] That is going to be there. It's going to heal all of your wounds. It's going to make everything better. It's going to undo all of the badness of your childhood. It's going to give you relief from unhappiness and sorrow and pain. There's healing at the end of life. The airstrikes of summoned, involuntary, compassionate language is going to land on all of your traumas and blow them away. And you'll be happy and you'll be connected and you'll be loved at the end of your parents' life. And the sorrow for how they mistreated you will manifest, and the tears will rain down upon the desert of your history and turn it into a verdant jungle of connected and satisfied relief. There's gold in there, you just... Oh, I'm dead.
[1:09:19] I'm just... Listen, listen. I know that I treated you badly. I've really been thinking about it, and here's the reasons why and here's why I'm dead. It's an imaginary inheritance, right? It's an imaginary inheritance. You should take care of me when I'm old because I have 10 million... I'm just kidding, I'm dead. I have nothing. Boom! One last con, one last scam, one last exploitation. Gotcha! For the last time. Son, what I really want to say is, and I've been thinking about this so much, I've been... I'm dead. Gotcha! That's what you'd be on these people's gravestones. Gotcha! For the last time. Scroogey again.
[1:10:20] The gold is just coming. Don't worry. I'm just going to start out. I'm dead. It's just a way of conning you into taking care of someone, hoping that you're going to get a connection that heals your past. Nope. They're just exploiting you again.
[1:10:40] Oh, there's all these wonderful things. Oh, there's all these great things you can get from your elderly dying parents and relatives. There's just all these wonderful things that they want to... Oh, did that not happen? Oh, you must have done something wrong. Oh, I guess you didn't find out how to unpack their heart after all. That's a shame. Boy, they, you know, everybody else's parents are unpacking their hearts and healing all the prior wounds. Oh, did it not happen to you? Oh. Oh, so sad. Oh, I can't believe you failed again. Oof. Oof. You had, I mean, all you had to do was unpack your parents' heart. It's happening all over the place. Every movie you see is the parent unpacking his heart. You couldn't even figure out how to do that. Everyone else, it happens on its own. Why can't you? There's got to be something wrong with you. It's one last mmm. One last shiv, man. One last twist of the knife. Everybody else can unpick this lock. You can't even find where it is. Oh, yeah, that's tough, man. Oh, that's tough.
[1:11:53] Or you just have to sit by their bed for three years and then finally they'll cast a magic spell that relieves you of all prior pain and trauma. Look at that. If I dangle reconciliation over my kids, I get free care without ever having to deliver or be a good person or having ever been a good parent. Somebody says recently had a conversation with a colleague who seemed to be avoiding. gritting, grieving after her grandfather passed away. After a long chat, call in style, I realized she was angry precisely because she brought into the cliche that death brings families together, and everyone in her family, herself included, behaved exactly as they've always done before the death. Horrible fantasy to have. Yes, my father always finds a way to make me the awful one. My stepbrother has not had enough of this cycle and still speaks with dad from time to time. Oh yes you will find within me great gold after I die no, that's just bitterness and catastrophe and exploitation.
[1:13:06] Yeah, it's just a psych, it's the last exploitation, so a couple of months ago Godfather Part 3, unfortunately it has That's the absolutely appalling Sofia Coppola in it. But. Oh, The Good Father with Anthony Hopkins has something like this as well. That movie scared the crap out of me when I was a teenager. The Good Father, I think, with Anthony Hopkins, how he's just so isolated at the end after being terrible. Putting up walls. Very subtle, very subtle. I was just reading your tits. So.
[1:13:53] A couple of months ago, I did a show on the... I'm just looking for empirical evidence. Does the death of a patriarch bring families together, and the siblings reconcile, and everything's beautiful and wonderful, and all the wounds of the past are sewed up, stitched, and healed, like they never were, and people emerge stronger, tearful, but connected? No! What happens? What happens to the inheritance of the elders after they die? You ever want to see just about the ugliest aspects of human nature? You look at families and what happens to cottages, to inheritances, to monies, to properties, to whatever. Businesses, after an elder dies, they are like a bunch of jackals on the foal of a zebra baby. Jackals!
[1:14:49] Families are torn apart by inheritance all the time. All the time. And I did a whole show on this some months ago. Lord knows I can't remember what it is, but maybe, James, you can dig it up. But I did a whole show on this, talking about all of this, and I got the usual horror stories from everyone about inheritance. I mean, I was offered inheritance. I'm like, nope, give it to my half-sister. She needs it. Nope, don't want it. Not getting involved. Nope, nope, nope. No, thank you. Literally, you can't pay me enough, right? Nope, don't want it. Keep it. I'll make my own money. Yeah, I'll make some money from donations from people who care about me. Rather than robbing the corpse of a guy who didn't.
[1:15:38] Now, tell me that this is not an insight worth a little bit of donation, that this cliché is a bunch of advertising to have people get screwed by their elders one last time, for the most part. For the most part. Inheritance horror stories, that's right. Thank you, James. Show 5295-5295. Where's all the healing? Where's all the healing? Plus, in His Three Daughters, not the most poetic title, there actually is kind of a commission of a crime. Because they're in some city where there's rent control, the dad's been living in this dingy, crappy apartment forever. And the way that you keep, they're called key parties in New York and other places too, So you pretend that the person is still alive, and therefore the rent doesn't go up, right? And so it's leased, so I assume it's not, it's a lease, right? They keep talking about a lease. So they're keeping, they want to keep the crime going, right? Which is to defraud the business owner by pretending that the person hasn't died, and therefore the lease is just going to continue.
[1:17:05] So they're saying oh uh great dad's dying how can we best rip off the poor owner of the building by continue by continuing to keep the rent control because the ownership or the occupancy hasn't changed no sense of conscience no sense of wrong no sense of well that's that's lying and fraud, isn't it? Nope, none of that. None of that. No morals. Just sentimentality and I shall soon join the ghosts and memories of the city I once ran. Oh, God. Nobody talks like that. Nobody talks like that. And it's all just an advertisement for abused children to continue to provide endless resources to their abusive, exploitive parents in the hopes of getting some some reconciliation, which ain't going to come. It's finances. It's economics. Well, if I sell this bullshit, I don't have to pay for round-the-clock care, which is ferociously expensive.
[1:18:11] And it is true, of course, that in general, it is the kid who is the loser in life who ends up taking care of the parents. And because if you have actual responsibilities, right? I mean, the healthiest of these daughters, the healthiest daughter by far, was the one who lived the furthest away, like thousands of miles away, and was genuinely affectionate towards her kids. You saw the phoning and blah, blah, blah, right?
[1:18:35] So the closer you were to this father, the more screwed up you were. So the one mom who was a good mom and she did her tai chi and she did her stretching and she centered herself she had some good mental health practices i mean a little granola but whatever right was a healthy weight and and all of that not just you know wastrel addict skinny right so, the daughter who was the furthest away was the healthiest and the happiest loved her kids this was made very clear very affectionate to her kids The daughter who lived closer to the father was endlessly fighting with a highly dysfunctional teenager. And the woman who lived with the father was a pathetic drug addict, and gambling addict and emotionally volatile and avoidant and all of that. Again, played the role very well, has a massive amount of research.
[1:19:47] So the father is toxic and the only way to be non-toxic is to be as far away as humanly possible, and there is a certain amount of and this is something that siblings do that is really shitty frankly is the siblings are happy i mean this is not all families of course but some families the siblings are like oh thank gosh we've got a dysfunctional messed up younger sibling, who's going to stay and take care of the parents. Oh, we're going to go, I'm off, man. I'm going in the lifeboat. You stay on the ship. Right? It's pretty crappy, right? Thank you, Chris. He says, Thank you, Stef, for speaking about this cliche. My parents are counterfeiting sentimental carrot danglers. The promise of a magical death by reconciliation Reconciliation is a disastrous and agonizing slow burn. Yeah. You understand fiction is a way of transferring resources. That's why most of the mainstream media is fiction and why they dislike people like me who tell the truth. Fiction is a way of transferring resources. Sometimes it's good, right? If you write a good novel that helps people, they buy it and you get reason. But fiction, lying is a way to transfer resources. And lying has become a way to wage war. more these days.
[1:21:09] My mother's old, no reconciliation. My father died without any reconciliation. I've got family members who are aging out, no reconciliation. My aunt took my brother in for many years as a teenager while my mother went mad, and nobody ever called me or checked in to see how I was doing. I was just left behind to placate, right? My mother was probably like, well, you can take him, but not Stef. It's like, okay, well. And I met them years later. There was no reconciliation. Reconciliation, I assume they're all dead now. There was no reconciliation, no contact, no, I really want to talk about this, have we thought about this? Nothing. It's nothing. People die as shallow as they lived. Imagining that death is going to come out of the dying is like imagining that a marathon runner is going to come out of somebody dying of lung cancer. No. No, you die as you've lived. You die as you've lived. And maybe you can think of some rare exceptions.
[1:22:11] But there are people who don't save for their old age and who either win the lottery or get I mean I had a friend when I was younger had a friend who was a friend for many decades, and he got it was wild man he got a letter and it's like oh a relative you didn't even know died and you're the only living relative and she left all this money well I guess he's set, so yes it certainly is true that you could say I don't need any savings because some distant relative is going to die and leave me money and it's like I wouldn't go with those odds could it happen? sure will it happen? Almost certainly not I'm a Settlin' Hut.
[1:23:06] People don't get deeper when they die. They just go deeper in the ground. That's all. They don't get deeper. There's no, this is the soul idea, right? There's no original, wonderful self that's there and able to connect and talk that just happens to have been mysteriously withheld for 50 years, right? There's just this, and can you imagine how painful it would be if it were true? This is what people don't ever talk about. Like, okay, so if my father who's dying can have these great, wonderful, connected conversations with me, then why the living F would he wait until he was 90 on his deathbed rather than 65 years ago when he had me at 25? Why would he go 65 years with this wonderful ability to connect and be honest but not when it would have actually done me some good? Right? That's terrible. People never talk about that. People never talk about that. They just have this fantasy that death brings tears, hugs, reconciliation, and everything's wonderful.
[1:24:26] And there is, you know, this lie, like this drug addict. She's like, well, I don't want this apartment. Yeah. Because Lord knows that drug addicts and gambling addicts never want free stuff. Never. It doesn't happen. Oh, it's just such a lie. It's just such a lie. All right. Any other last questions, comments? Did your friend end up keeping the money long term? My gut says they spent it quickly. Well, there's two ways to waste money, to blow it or to hoard it, right? Uh i i i don't know i haven't talked to him in in a long time, somebody says my friend's father was put up for adoption as an infant 50 years later he was notified that his birth mother had passed and gave and over her lifetime she amassed a multi-million dollar fortune enough to leave a quarter million to each of her children and grandchildren yeah, yeah i assume he hoarded it i assume he hoarded it i mean this is guy who literally moved into to his mother's apartment after she died and slept in the same room. It was not good. It was not good.
[1:25:47] But this was many moons ago in an entirely different location of the world.
[1:25:59] But yeah, a lot of people waste money by hoarding it, which means decaying it, because inflation and, right, or they blow it, right? My friend blew her quarter million on a luxury car and a few luxury vacations. Yeah, a friend of mine's sister, they got an inheritance, and she just ordered a bunch of stuff from Amazon and then died in the rubble. Really good point, Stef. If parents realize they could connect with their children and they really love their son or daughter, why would the parents be excited to take the opportunity to connect before their life was over? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's just another dangle. Oh, if you take care of me, maybe we'll connect. Maybe we'll, right? Oh, I'm going to do a little bit of fake connection just to keep you around. Oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah, you're right. A little, okay, okay, stick around. Okay, great. I can just, it's just all, it's an exploitation. How does hoarding waste money? Because it could be used for something positive. How does hoarding waste money? Because you can't take it with you, man. You can't take it with you. And it decays in the bank, right? It's like leaving food out to rot. Eat it or give it away, but don't just leave it out to rot.
[1:27:25] I mean, when I got my first job in Canada, I was paid $2.45 an hour. Now the minimum wage is like $16 or $18 or something like that, right? When I first came to Canada, you could buy a candy bar for a dime. Now they're like $1.50. The unending maggots of central banking are continually eating away all of your savings. I mean I think it's really I think it's really sad I mean you know if people have a lot of money they you know they can bequeath it to their kids which has some pluses and minuses but I think the people like the Howard Hughes people like the people who just die with a lot of money in the bank and you know living in, you know really limited circumstances that's just, I mean that's just really sad you know spend it I mean give it to charity spend it do some good in the world right but You can't take it with you.
[1:28:34] There's a great album by Alan Parsons called Pyramid. And let me just see if I can find the song title. Can't take it. There's a song called Can't Take It With You. you. Let me just see if I can get the lyrics.
[1:29:06] Well, I sympathize completely. There's nothing I can do. I'm just a humble servant with a message here for you. Well, I know you have good reasons. There's things you've got to do, but the boatman won't be waiting and he's leaving here with you and you can't take it with you. No matter what you do, you can't take it with you. not the place you're going to. Well, I sympathize completely, but there's nothing I can do. I'm just obeying orders. I'm a simple soul like you. Well, you really are persuasive, but I've heard it all before. And the boatman's getting restless as he stands upon the shore. And you can't take it with you, no matter what you do. No, you can't take it with you. Not the place you're going to. I love this line. Well, you really are persuasive, but I've heard it all before. Oh I can't go now I'm not ready I can't, it's a great album.
[1:30:00] How can you be so sure? How do you know what the earth will endure? How can you be so sure? That the wonders you've made in your life will be seen by the millions who follow to visit the sun. It's a great song. Great, great. All right. Thank you for spending the time on your birthday. Well, I appreciate that. It is not my birthday yet. It'll be my birthday on Tuesday. Happy birthday, Freedom Man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right.
[1:30:45] Parable of the Master of the Vineyard and the Talents. One worker buried the money. Those coins worth over $1,000 in buying power. The point was to invest and help others. Wasted his time. Wasted the Master's time. No, it's not my birthday today, but I certainly do appreciate the thoughts. And, of course, if you can't make it Tuesday. All right. $7 for a bottle of water at the gas station in Vancouver. Yeah, well, those drug addicts aren't going to have to feed and have themselves, right? Instead of hoarding, donate to FDR. I would not disagree with that. I would not disagree with that. I mean, is there an easy way to get the PDF of your Peaceful Parenting book, Stef? Yeah, free domain. Sorry, it's peacefulparenting.com. Thank God you were born. Actually, I thank my father's balls, but I hear what you're saying. Thank you. I think it's peaceful parenting. I think it's there. It should be. If not, I will put it there. I'm a little far from my keyboard to type here.
[1:31:47] Oh yeah, e-books. Read the full portion of Peaceful Parenting in EPUB, Moby, or PDF.
[1:31:53] So yes, just click on the PDF link and you will be all set. Turning 29 again. Oh, I am so much happier to not be 29, although 29 was a pretty good year. A pretty good year. All right. Thank you everyone so much for your tips, thoughts, comments, questions, challenges. Let's do a show for a little bit on my birthday. And I will certainly talk to you Wednesday night, of course. Remember, you can get your private call-in shows, a new feature at Free Domain, freedomain.com slash call. You can get your private call-in shows, which I really, really find very powerful. I can actually tell people what to do in the private call-in shows. I won't do that publicly, but I will do it privately. If you want more specific advice, it doesn't have to be about personal issues, it can be philosophical, it can be about business ideas. years. I have some guy who wants to talk about business concepts. That's totally fine, too. I've got a 30-year history as an entrepreneur with some reasonable degrees of success. Bring your donations on Tuesday. Absolutely. Absolutely. Have yourself a wonderful afternoon and evening. I love you guys to death. Really, really appreciate the brain tickle that has all ward off brain decay with constant bouts of enervating philosophy. Energizing philosophy. Enervating is a word that sounds like it should mean energizing, but it doesn't. All right. Lots of love. Take care. Don't forget to to check out peacefulparenting.com and subscribe at subscribestar.com slash freedomain or freedomain.locals.com. Bye.
Support the show, using a variety of donation methods
Support the show
