You Are At Fault for Having a Manipulative Mother!Locals Questions Answered!

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Brief Summary
In this episode, we address the concerns of a listener struggling with an abusive mother. It's important to remember that you're not alone in this situation. Take responsibility for your choices and confront the abuse. Illness is not an excuse for manipulation. Prioritize your well-being and establish boundaries. You have the power to decide whether to connect or leave. Seek support from communities and resources. You deserve respect and care.

Chapters
0:00:00 Introduction and Promotion of Freedomaniacs Community
0:09:13 Being Prepared for Hard Times
0:11:50 The Elite and the Struggle to Connect
0:17:32 Connecting with People: The Challenge of Average vs Extremes
0:19:04 The Cognitive Elite and Conscience
0:20:49 High intelligence, lack of dedication to objectivity and virtue
0:30:02 The perversion of sexuality due to childhood trauma
0:34:00 Attraction to narcissistic women due to upbringing
0:38:03 Frustrations with phone troubles and attempts to fix it
0:41:55 Dealing with guilt from an aging mother and taking responsibility
0:45:30 The Power of Abusive Parents: Young and Old
0:47:35 Deep Corruption: More Practiced or Better Reform?
0:50:16 Delayed Action: Why Wait so Long to Address Abuse?
0:53:04 Self-Pity vs. Taking Ownership: The Consequences of Inaction
0:54:42 Manipulation and Bullying: A Cycle of Compliance
0:57:11 Confronting the Manipulation: A Path to Healing
0:58:24 Confronting Mother: Indirect vs Direct Approach
Long Summary
In this episode, we address the concerns of a listener who is struggling with their relationship with their abusive mother. It's a tough situation to be in, and I understand the pain and confusion that it can bring.

First and foremost, I want to emphasize that you are not alone in this. Many people have faced similar challenges with their family members, and it's important to remember that you have the right to prioritize your own well-being.

I urge you to take responsibility for your choices and confront the abuse. It may seem intimidating, but by having an honest conversation with your mother about your unhappiness and the negative aspects of your relationship, you can begin to establish boundaries and create a healthier dynamic.

It's important to note that illness is not an excuse for manipulation. While your mother may be suffering from an illness, it does not justify her abusive behavior. It's crucial to prioritize your long-term well-being over short-term happiness.

You have the power to make the decision to either connect or leave the relationship. It won't be easy, and the outcome is uncertain, but by making a choice that aligns with your values and fosters a sense of self-respect, you can find a path towards healing.

I want to thank you for reaching out with your question. It takes strength and courage to confront these challenging situations. Remember, you are not alone, and there are communities and resources available to support you on this journey.

If you're looking for additional support, I encourage you to join our community or explore other resources that may provide guidance and assistance. Thank you for being a part of our show, and remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and care.

Tags
abusive mother, concerns, listener, struggling, not alone, responsibility, confront abuse, illness, manipulation, prioritize well-being, establish boundaries, power to decide, connect or leave, seek support, communities, resources, deserve respect, care

Transcript

Introduction and Promotion of Freedomaniacs Community

[0:00] Good morning, everybody. Hope you're doing well. It is Stefan von Molyneux-Head from Freedomaniacs.
Hope you're doing beautifully. Hope you're having a wonderful day.
Let's get into some questions. Freedomain.locals.com. Come on, son.
Come on, daughter. You got to join the greatest philosophical community since the symposium. Freedomain.locals.com.
Hey, man, I wouldn't also be totally amiss if you decided to subscribe to help out with a little spare change the greatest philosophical conversation in the world ever in my mediumly humble opinion so free domain.locals.com you can use a promo code all caps upb 2022 you can try it out for a month get all the juicy subscription bonuses and benefits step bot ai history of philosophy series french revolution massive amounts of unbelievably great premium shows call-ins that were too spicy for the mainstream so you got to check it out all right, Question, how do I protect and prepare children from immodestly dressed people while in public?
Well, I mean, it's the basic equation. The more skin, the less soul.

[1:09] The more skin, the less soul. Women in particular, of course, who display a lot of skin are trying to distract men through basic monkey brain hormonal application, distract men from deficiencies in their own personality. personality.
It is a subsidy. A person who's bad in business is always begging for subsidies, and a woman who's not such a great person is always begging for subsidies in the realm of hormones and flesh and lust.

[1:37] If you provoke lust, it's because you're deficient in virtue, and you have to say that these people are doing a great and wonderful, deep and virtuous service to humanity.
These people, the immodestly dressed women, the garden implements, the 304s, whatever you want to call them, are doing a great and wonderful service to humanity.
Isn't it great? Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it perfect? Isn't it beautiful?
If every email you ever got that was a scam had the giant words scam written in scarlet red letters along the top.
If everybody who was dishonest had a special secret handshake where they used their little pinky finger to tickle your palm, wouldn't that be fantastic?

[2:20] The wonderful advertisement for immensely low quality is a great service to humanity because it removes the excuses of anyone who gets involved with such hot messes.
They are doing this sort of scooping out like the low quality women are scooping out the low quality men with massive displays of fantastical cleavage and they're advertising look what a great service what a great service to humanity like if a guy was going to cheat you in business and he walked up to you and said hi i'm going to cheat you in business and then you decided to continue to go into business with him well they're the the scantily dressed women are keeping Keeping the idiot men away from the quality women.
Keeping the idiots away from the quality women.
And I say this with all deep humility. I was a young man once, back in the Paleozoic era for many of you, so I get it. I understand.
I say this with deep sympathy and affection, but yeah, fantastic.

[3:20] Fantastic. You know, people who want to cheat you speak very fast and use vague terms that they get get hostile if you ask them to define them.
So that's great. That's wonderful. That's perfect. They're very, very easy.
So advertisements for low quality are a massive time saver for any quality person.
They are helping out humanity by shoveling their meaty, semi-reproductive fresh flesh all over men's retinas.
They spread the flesh in order to scrape the virtue.
It's kind of of like how you might lure away a dangerous animal by throwing some piece of meat to one side.
So yeah, the trashy women, the trashy men are welcome to each other, and it keeps them in their own orbit.
And it's obvious in anyone, of course, who falls for this kind of stuff.
I mean, obviously it's badly raised, and I have sympathy for all of that.
But we know deep down, like we know deep down what's going on.
Even the men who fall for it are knowing what's going on deep down.

[4:22] And, of course, you know, the other thing you can say, you know, see the young scantily clad women who are out there, and you can say, imagine how they would do if, like, when they're 60, right?
Because, you know, the best case scenario is you get to 60, 70, 80.
So imagine how these women would do if they're 60, and they will be if they're lucky.
And also imagine what would happen if these women's brains were put into a man's body.
Without the subsidy of endless carpet bombing of male hormones with exposed flesh.
Imagine how these women would do. So I think it's important to have a great conversation.
Presentation is important.

[5:06] And you can also say, like, imagine if there was a man, and you may even see men like this, there's a man who shows up in his, what, Bugatti?
It's like, what is that? The Bugatti is the cool sports car.
Or you've got a man, he shows up in a Lamborghini or a Maserati or a Bugatti or a Lada, and he sort of stalks out and he's got super expensive sunglasses and a perfect haircut and laser-trimmed hair on his face.
And he has a $100,000 watch and he strides around and buys things for everyone in the club.
What would you think of that person? And you'd say, of course, I mean, anybody with half a brain and kids can get this stuff very quickly.
You'd say, well, that guy must be massively insecure that he has to overcompensate with all of this stuff.
He must feel like he's not worth much of anything if he's got to flash that much wealth and he's got to pay for that many people's drinks.
So, of course, you point out that the same principle applies.
And, of course, if there are kids, you know, if there was some.

[6:09] Kid who had to bribe other kids to come to his birthday party by promising them extravagant presents and clown face painting access to a pool a paintball and jump park and and just and and you're going to go home with a giant goodie bag worth at least two hundred dollars what would you say would you say well that's a kid who's pretty desperate and doesn't think that anyone like will like him for himself and then you can say well a kid who bribed other kids to come to his birthday party is clearly not dealing with whatever he finds unlikable about himself and he's trying to wallpaper other kids indifference to him with massive amounts of money and prizes and he's also corrupting the other kids because the other kids who wouldn't normally come to his birthday party because he's an unlikable kid those other kids are being bribed their parents are allowing them to be bribed and they're being corrupted because they can't just go there pick up the goodies and leave they have to go there and pretend to like the kids so they they've been bribed to lie and.

[7:07] It's not just the kid who bribes other kids. And of course, I'm not blaming the kid, right?
This is just an analogy so the kids can sort of further understand it.
He's a kid, so he's not to blame for his circumstances or environment.
But you can all understand that if some kid said, come to my birthday party and you'll get a $100 goodie bag full of X, Y, Z, whatever, right?
You wouldn't just go and pick it up and leave. You'd have to go and pretend to like that kid who you didn't like.
So you'd be paid to fake liking someone you didn't like because they had a big benefit for you, right? right?
Well, it's the same thing with scantily dressed women.
Men will approach them, but the scantily dressed women will demand that the men don't just say, and the men will follow through on this, they don't just say, well, you're hot and you've harassed my monkey brain lust centers, so I'm going to pretend like I don't like you as a person.
In fact, I don't really have much respect for you, but I'm obeying the mere reproductive idiot flesh of our primordial ancestors in approaching you.
No, he's got to say, oh, you're so interesting, oh, I like you, you're funny, you're witty, you're intelligent.
Like, he's got to lie in the same way the kids would have to lie about how much they like the kid if he's given them $100 goodie bags.
The woman makes the man, or the man has to lie about why he's approaching the woman.

[8:21] So it just falsifies everything. It degrades everyone. And the degradation isn't the animal lust. Lust is great.
But the degradation is how you have to lie about out about it all that the woman is pretty she's a high status symbol you know she's you want to kiss her or whatever it is you know whatever appropriate level you'd want to talk about romantic impulses with children of course be very sensitive and talk about kissing rather than sex when they're little hug a kiss or whatever right you just gotta lie about it all and it's devilish really it's not the lust it's the lying that's the the problem so yeah i mean there's lots of of things you can talk about, but that would be sort of an approach that could be worthwhile.
Let me know what you think.
What is a good way to teach children about the hard times that are coming without scaring them the way the global warming lessons in school scared a lot of my generation?
Being Prepared for Hard Times

[9:13] Well, hard times aren't coming for everyone, right?
I mean, for people who are prepared and for people with, I would think, a little bit of Bitcoin or more than a little bit bit of Bitcoin.
They're not doing so badly. So, you know, be prepared and you can go through any number of ways to get prepared.
There's tons of people out there sort of giving you advice.
So you can say, yeah, there's going to be some challenges coming up.
Don't underestimate kids' desire for an adventure, right? Don't underestimate kids' desire for an adventure.
And it certainly will be adventurous. So there's nothing wrong with saying there's hard times are coming if you also say, here's how we're prepared for them, right?
There's nothing wrong with presenting challenges to children as long as you have responsibly.

[10:03] Stocked up for a solution, right? There's in the old northern winter climate, there's nothing wrong with saying food's going to be scarce over the winter, but here's all the stuff that we've got laid aside, right? So, all right.
Can you expand on the idea that people with a guilty conscience feel awkward around people with a clean conscience?
I've always thought there was something wrong with me because I'm not great at first impressions, with normies especially, and struggle to connect with a high percentage of people, maybe 80 to 90% of the time. I can't understand.
I genuinely don't understand. I'm sorry. I'm not playing dumb. I don't understand.

[10:41] Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. You are the intellectual elite.
If you can sort of follow what it is that I'm doing and reason these arguments and think originally and think for yourself and use philosophy and defy social convention to continue to hang around this highly defamed conversation.
Conversation if you're an individual and you're in touch with reality and you you know reason from your own first principles or accept first principles that are rational from others you're like you're the elite you're the elite more people win the lottery than truly understand philosophy and live it so like you are you are the elite right there are more top tier athletes then there are people who genuinely rock philosophy.
So, I mean, now, in the future, it'll change.

[11:31] So, if you don't process the elite thing, I don't know what to say.
If you don't process the elite thing, I don't know what to say.
And so, the reason I'm saying that is, if you are, let's say, an elite athlete, right? You're an elite athlete.
The Elite and the Struggle to Connect

[11:50] I don't know, let's say, soccer, right? an elite soccer athlete.
You'd be, you know, if the world had a soccer team, you'd be on it, right?
So you're an elite soccer player. And you're saying, you know, I'm just having trouble really connecting with playing pickup soccer games at my local park.
I don't know what it is.

[12:17] You know, most, I'm an elite soccer player, but most of the times I play pickup games with people in the park, I just can't really connect with them.
They find me kind of off-putting.
I'm sorry, don't be too loud, but of course they do. My name is Luciano Pavarotti.
I've joined the local amateur choir, but I'm just not really connecting or fitting in well.
Yes, I get it. I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but please, people.
Except the elite thing it just makes your life so much easier so if you can't connect with 90% of people it's because you're in the top 1% of intelligence or creativity or whatever magic source you want to put in into philosophy right and the reason I say that it's like if you let's say you have an IQ of 160 you can maybe go a standard deviation down but any lower than that you just can't connect. You just can't.
They vaguely and dimly sense your far greater intelligence and they kind of resent you for it.
Because let's say you've got 160, two standard deviations down is a 130.

[13:25] So a 130 thinks he's the smartest thing since sliced bread.
And then he meets a 160 and he's like, oh, I guess I'm not that smart after all. Right?
I mean, I remember being in a singing contest some years ago and I did all right. I did okay.
I did okay. But then some guy came along and did Unchained Melody to absolute jaw-dropping perfection and I'm like, oh yeah, oh yeah, okay, amateur singer, this guy could be a prop.
And you just, you kind of get put in your place and getting put in your place is a very important thing.
It's a very important thing. Now, we're used to being, when people say being put in your place, everyone says that means downgrading, going down, down, down.
It's not being, being put in your place could mean perfectly elevated.
If you are the smartest guy around, then being put in your place is accepting that you're the smartest guy around.
So how are you going to connect? If you're a 160 IQ, how are you going to connect with people? Well, it's going to be rare. Thank God!
A rarity of connection is the medal of excellence.

[14:24] I'm a top-ranked Wimbledon tennis player, yet when I go to my local pickup games, I just can't really connect or have a fun time.
Well, of course you can't, because you're either holding yourself back abysmally, thus making your own game worse, right?
If you pretend to play badly, you make your own game worse, or you're playing full out, in which case you're leaving holes in people's chests and smoking craters where their egos used to be, except being an elite.
I mean, I'm just telling you, I've said this forever.
Like, if you're listening to this show, you're top 1%.
Top 1%. Easy. I mean, I could go even further than that, but let's say top 1%.
So, a once IQ 160 can hang with IQ 145 and, you know, it's all right. It's all right.
It's all right. Not great, but it's all right.

[15:15] But you will never feel more isolated than when you were with people highly unlike yourself.
Like, if you've ever been to sort of Normieville, like, I don't know, some Normie dinner party or something.
It's just ridiculous how isolating it is.

[15:34] And it should be, because you're in the wrong place. I mean, I don't just mean sort of pass-by social stuff or whatever it is, but you're kind of in the wrong place.
If you have the potential to be an opera star, joining some amateur, local, hobby, 60-plus choir, it's like you should feel uncomfortable.
Of course you should feel uncomfortable.
Oh, I can't connect with 80% to 90% of the people. Well, thank heaven for that.
You can't connect with everyone. one. You can't connect with everyone.
If you can connect with everyone, it means you aren't anyone.
You don't have an identity. You don't have preferences. You don't have instincts.

[16:15] There's a sorting mechanism in society and in the mind, which is find your own level.
I mean, how do you think we got from ape-like intelligence to the god-like intelligence we have now?
It's because people sorted according to intelligence and ability and mated with like-to-like.
So you only have the brains to not connect with 80 to 90 percent of people because your ancestors refuse to connect with 80 to 90 percent of people and what you've got this weird democratic thing that you have to get along with everyone or connect with everyone oh my god what a nightmare, connecting with everyone it's it's impossible you can't do it it's impossible you can't connect with people who are significantly and it's not just begin to general like g general intelligence I'm not just talking about IQ.
It's curiosity, a level of creativity, whatever it is, right?
If you are, I don't know, Jack Nicholson levels of acting ability, if you're Jack Nicholson or Marlon Brando and you say, you know, I just don't feel like I fit in with my local amateur theater group.

[17:18] Well, yeah, right. Yeah, absolutely. And everyone who ends up at the top of the acting industry are also people who could not connect with their local amateur theater groups. They may have started there, but they moved on pretty quick.
Connecting with People: The Challenge of Average vs Extremes

[17:32] Can't connect with, you're saying, I can't connect with 80 to 90% of the people.
I mean, if you're in the average, right? If you're within the average, then you can connect with maybe 50% of the people.
But the other 50% are just too better or too worse in whatever category.
It could be, let's say, creativity, right?
If you're average creativity, people who are absolutely not creative, you can't connect with. And people who are incredibly super creative, you can't connect with.
Again, it's not just about intelligence, it's about a wide variety of things.
So even if you are average, maybe you get 40 or 50% of people you might be able to connect with.
If you're below average in some area, let's say spatial reasoning, right? You're just really bad at spatial reasoning.
And let's say the topic is around spatial reasoning or something like that.
You won't be able to connect with most people.
80 to 90% is you won't be able to connect with 80 to 90% of the people if you've got really bad spatial reasoning.
If you've got really fantastic language skills, then you won't be able to connect with 80 to 90% of the people. if you've got really terrible language skills. Same.
So I'm not sure what your baseline is, but it sounds like you have this ideal that you want to connect with 100% of the people.
Oh, it's only 80 to 90%. Oh my God, can you imagine how terrible it would be and how impossible it would be?
I don't know. I don't know, man. So I just wanted to mention that, the idea that you have a goal called connecting with more people. I do not understand.

[18:58] Okay, so people with a guilty conscience feels awkward around people with a clean conscience.
The Cognitive Elite and Conscience

[19:04] Not only do you have to have a very high level of reasoning and verbal ability to process this show i mean if you think of the riffs that i pull off just in this particular answer it's really something right so you have to have high verbal ability and high conscientiousness which it doesn't mean conscience just attention to detail and follow through and responsibility and and so on self-ownership so you put together the cognitive elite of this show together with a good good conscience, because the devil focuses his attention, so to speak, on the cognitive elites, because they can do the most damage, control most people, and talk people into the worst possible.

[19:45] Situations and falsehoods and lies and immoralities and self-deceptions.
If you've got high verbal ability, you are either a savior or a dammer of mankind.
And of course, the powers that be do not exactly want you to be a savior of mankind, so to speak.
And I just mean, could be local people could be people around the world it depends where you're sort of focusing your efforts so if you have high verbal ability high intelligence and a clean conscience, one percent of one percent baby one percent of one percent right you are one and ten thousand maybe now again it's not for the future not for all time but that's sort of the way the way that it is right so people with who you may match in terms of intelligence verbal ability creativity creativity, whatever it is, but if you're high in those traits and you match up with other people, like when I was growing up, I knew a lot of people.
I just happened to have, I think just sort of by coincidence, I happened to have a lot of friends with extraordinarily high levels of creativity and verbal intelligence.
High intelligence, lack of dedication to objectivity and virtue

[20:49] Conscientiousness, not so much, but high levels of intelligence and the spatial reasoning of some of my friends was just amazing to me.
And so, yeah, creativity, verbal intelligence, and just general intelligence was just very high.
As far as dedication to objectivity, reason, virtue, elevating and helping the world, not a bit.
In fact, they were, in general, quite opposed to all of that stuff.
And I found that out when I really started to get into philosophy in my mid-teens.
People had a lot of problems with that, a lot of problems and a lot of opposition to that.
So if you have a clean conscience if you have been granted you say by god by nature doesn't really matter if you have been granted great abilities and you have turned them into the service of corruption and immorality then you have taken a great gift and used it against humanity.

[21:43] Right it's like you have been given the power of harming or healing right you've been given the power of healing the sick or maiming the healthy.
And you have, instead of choosing to heal the sick, you have chosen to maim the healthy.
So instead of going to hospital ward and trailing your fingers along the beds and having everyone jump out healed, you go to healthy people and spread a certain airborne toxin called syllables that slowly dismantles their minds and virtues choose over time so you're not going to be your natural enemies now it is seems to be true i don't know if this is true universally but it seems to be true that evil recognizes the adversarial nature of good far sooner and far quicker than good recognizes the adversarial nature of evil, because good is good in part because it's optimistic and evil is in part evil because it's pessimistic right i mean evil is like well i'm pessimistic about the success of virtue so so I'm going to join the winning side of evil.
Whereas Goode says, I'm optimistic about the success of virtue, so I'm not going to join the losing side of immorality.

[22:54] Empiricism. I've altered my views on that to some degree, but a topic for another time.
So when you meet someone with a bad conscience and you have a good conscience, they recognize you right away.
And they are both drawn to and repelled by you. They're kind of fascinated by you, sort of the Billy Budd thing, right?
So they recognize you as a natural enemy and work to start undermining you almost right away.
But you are just like, dum-de-dum, well, this person's, I guess, a little mistaken, or they seem to have a little bit of hanky stuff.
They seem to be a little janky, their worldview's a little off, but hey, I can just chat them out of there, blah, blah, blah, and be a good person.
Maybe I'll inspire them a little, right? So you're, you know, dancing along, and they're undermining the gravity that keeps you on the planet.
Dum-de-dum. And listen, I've been this guy. I've been this guy.
This is nothing contemptuous at all. Nothing. Nothing.
I would rather have the optimism that produced a virtuous soul if it means Pollyanna-ish blindness to the machinations of evildoers.
I would much rather be optimistic and an idiot if it means being a good person in the long run rather than pessimistic and accurate.
But yeah, we just dum-de-dum, sail along, dum-de-dum, right?
Truth and reason and virtue will win the day, right? You get all this stuff.
Well, I listen to truth, reason, and evidence, therefore I'm sure everyone will because they're just like me.

[24:16] Sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but it is. Oh, 57. Ah, you know, knees are a little creaky, but at least today I stretched them wrong yesterday, but knees are a little creaky, but nonetheless, wisdom has finally nestled its fat feathery stomach in the bowels of my brain.
The bowls of my brain. Let's say the bowls of my brain. That's slightly better.

[24:36] A lot better, actually. I want to think of the bowels of my brain.
So, yeah, if you've got a clean conscience, evil people will sniff it right away.
Predators are always plotting to take down prey.
Prey are generally, in the sort of moral intellectual sense, are generally blind to predators.
And, you know, one of the great virtues of the many great virtues of Christianity is to train you that the world is run by evildoers, and persecution is inevitable if you're a good person.
Like, this is sort of, you can say that's cynical or negative, but it is a realistic assessment.
People always forget that there are, I mean, millions of people in the world who are very happy to slaughter innumerable people through the power of authority.

[25:18] So, yeah, just wanted to mention that. All right, let's see here.
How is obesity and sexual abuse or molestation tied together?
Well, not always, but I think that there's, my personal opinion is that, I don't know if, I think there have been some studies on this that confirm this, but, you know, don't take my word for it.
But so obesity so one of the things that happens there's a lot of sort of factors that come together so one of the reasons why a childhood obesity is rising significant is that women are frightened of the outside world and so women will generally like why are so many kids on screens and because then the moms know where they are they don't have that uneasiness they don't have that that nervousness that where are the kids and i haven't heard from them and like this wasn't a thing when i was growing up in the 80s we all just roamed around and our moms didn't care and i'm not saying that was they were a little bit too far on the other side a lot it's like women are like a lot of moms were like completely indifferent or total helicopter hoverbot claustrophobic smothers putting this mother in mother and so women want the kids to stay home and the men are all like Like, oh, let them go, let them roam, it's fine, right?
And, you know, in particular neighborhoods, kids are as safe as they've ever been, if not more so.
Like, you know, if you take out gang violence, America is one of the safest countries in the world.

[26:40] So, if the environment is fine, then the kids are fine, right?
So, yeah, let your kids roam. So, the men say let them roam, and the women are like, keep them home. Let them roam, keep them home, let them roam, keep them home.
Now, if you have a single mother, two things happen. One, you are probably going to stay home more because your mom's anxious if you're out and about.
And again, tons of exceptions to general trend.
And also, if you are being raised by a single mother, you will have probably a fairly, a fair number of men cruising through the home who are not biologically related to you, who are not biologically related to you.
And of course, as we know, sexual abuse is 30 plus times higher if there is a man around who is not related to the children, didn't grow up with them, not related to the children.

[27:33] Now, it's not just that this particular circumstance provokes it, it's that one of the reasons why men who want to prey on children would date single mothers is to have access to the children.
And so, if you have a single mother who's kind of anxious, a lot of them seem to be, and you have a man around, so you're going to have an obesity thing because you're home a lot, and you're also going to have, a lot of times, though, of course, far from always, right?
A lot of times you're going to have either inappropriate stuff or you're going to hear sexual matters.
This is also quite traumatic for children to hear these sort of sexual matters.
Cries of lust and headboards banging and so on. It sounds like a murder.
It sounds like violence. It's kind of traumatic for kids.

[28:23] So when you are in a single mother household, less exercise, a lot of creeps around, background, traumatic stuff, and so on.
Traumatic sounds, noises of sexual matters, and so on. Now, of course, this can occur with married couples, but in general, married couples have a higher sense of propriety and don't want to traumatize their children, of course, with sexual sounds.

[28:44] So, odds are you're going to be overweight, and odds are, again, 30 times higher that you're going to be molested or preyed upon in some inappropriate manner by the single mother's boyfriends, right? So as single motherhood has gone up, obesity has gone up.
Now, when you are molested, your body's natural pleasure functions to do with sexuality are perverted into causing you pain and shame and alienation and silence.
And, you know, one of the great underreported effects of molestation is the lying.
You can't tell the truth about the thing that is affecting you the most.
You have to pretend that you're okay. okay, you have to go out into the world and act as if nothing's happening, and just you have to falsify your entire existence.
You can't go to your mother, because if you would go to your mother or go to the authorities, then the guy wouldn't prey on you, right? They've got a good instinct for these kinds of things.
Or of course, you may be threatened with the death, with your own murder or the murder of somebody around you, your mother or whatever, if you tell.
And so there's this general great falsification, and your body's pleasure processes to do with sex are perverted into pain processes.
So that which your body would normally pursue with the goal of pleasure, i.e.
Sexual activity, is then converted to a source of shame, pain, and self-alienation.
The perversion of sexuality due to childhood trauma

[30:02] And sexuality should be a manifestation of your deepest and most positive values and connections with a pair-bonded loved one, husband, wife.
But instead, sexuality, molestation, and rape as a child is perverted into…

[30:18] You to lie it forces you to dissociate from your body it drives you out of your body depersonalization dissociation the sense of viewing yourself from the outside in is quite common in these appalling and tragic circumstances and so you lose the idea that sexuality is a you know beautiful positive thing that makes you more who you are and it's a celebration of your values and ideals and instead Instead, sexuality becomes the gravestone over the soul murder that is attempted upon your youthful personality structure and capacity to bond and be honest and so on, right?

[30:54] Lying becomes death. That is the sort of sense, right?
Lying becomes death in one form or another, in one way or another.
Other so when it comes to obesity when you are denied one pleasure in order to avoid death right in order to avoid suicide like if you have a life of just constant misery like then suicide begins to tempt for a lot of people right like there's nothing positive so if you've got a lie and pretend and avoid and dissemble and so on your whole life and you fear molestation rape penetration penetration, and violation daily in your house, or you have those memories, even if the situation has passed on, well, why would you stay alive?
So what you do is you say, okay, well, the pleasures that I get in life, I'm going to turn to food, right?
Food is my drug of choice in staving off self-slaughter, right?
Or the kind of despair that would lead to just terrible things.
And also, Also, it's not just whether you'd kill yourself or whether I just won't get out of bed or something which would cause some intervention, which would be very dangerous because the intervention might say what's wrong and then you might tell, in which case bad things might happen from the person who threatened you in order to molest you as a child.

[32:14] You have to have something that keeps you going and for a lot of people then it either becomes dissociation through video games it could be through masturbation it could be through.

[32:25] Food right so food is a is a big one for these kinds of things and of course if food is the only source of pleasure that you get then you're going to do a lot of that and you don't like being looked at you don't expose flesh is a problem right and so you're not going to go to the gym where people People are going to look at you.
You're not going to exercise you, and you're going to end up covering up as much of your flesh as possible, which is what obesity also does.

[32:52] And it's going to keep sexualization away, right?
It's going to keep romantic interest away, and so you're not going to end up having the early trauma of molestation reawakened through sexuality, right?
And of course, what's the point of trying to connect with someone if you're carrying a great secret that you won't talk about with anyone?
You feel you can't talk about it. to talk about it is to die or to have someone close to you die and then live with the guilt, right?
So what's the point of if sexuality is pain and trauma and you can't even be honest with a lover and tell them what your issues are, then there's no plus.
There's no plus in romance. There's no plus in a boyfriend, girlfriend, sexuality, and so on.
But you need some pleasure to live, so you turn to food.
And then food, of course, drapes on the extra flesh, which has you excuse to cover up. It gives you the excuse to cover up and gives you the excuse to avoid romantic entanglements that might lead to the revelation of your deepest and darkest secret.
So I hope that helps. No particular answer that's scientific, of course. These are just my particular amateur thoughts on the matter. All right.

[33:56] Oh, that I've already done. Let's see here.
Attraction to narcissistic women due to upbringing

[34:00] Why am I attracted to narcissistic women?
Well, I don't know, obviously, but my first guess would be that you're attracted to narcissistic women because you were raised by a narcissist.
Now, you know, does that really explain much?
No, it's just like you don't understand how a photocopier works by noticing that it copies things, right? You still don't really understand how it works, right?

[34:20] But the reason why being raised by a narcissistic woman would have you attracted to narcissists, I mean, people all get messed up in this sort of Freudian stuff and, you know, it's mother, sweet mother love and all that. No, it's not that, I think, in particular.
It's just that if your father married a narcissistic woman, then being an empty-headed robot service vessel for the infinite desires of vainglorious women is the only sexually advantageous or it's the most sexually advantageous dating mechanism or romantic approach.
So if you're raised by a narcissist, your mother married a narcissist, and when you're around a narcissist, you're an empty robot vehicle for serving their endless, grandiose narcissistic needs.
Like, whatever they want, you have to provide.
Think of a king and all of his slaves, right? Think of a pasha or a genghis khan and all of his slaves.
Well, the slaves only exist to serve the needs of the king, the pasha, the warlord, and the warlord would never even think of the needs of the servants, right? That would wait for Christianity, where you'd have to have everyone's human, right?
Those who serve and those who receive, that's most of human history, right?

[35:34] The universalization of the soul and the moral obligations to all, created in the image of God, was the great advance of Christianity and, hopefully, the semi-divinely inspired universally preferable behavior, answer to the problem of secular ethics.

[35:51] So, yeah, you were just raised to serve your mother's needs.
Right? If your mother wanted to do something, you had to do it.
If she wanted you to do something, you had to do it.
And if you didn't do it, she wouldn't negotiate. She would just attack, withdraw, punish, bribe. Right?
If your phone doesn't start up…

[36:08] It in right you don't negotiate with it oh come on like why don't you want to do something oh and if it still doesn't start up you know you'll change your chargers you'll change your cables you'll give it a thump or two eventually you'll take it to a shop try and get a fix or whatever it is right but you never negotiate with it you just thump it or bang it or get it repaired or like it's just it should do what you want and it has no needs of its own it's not doing what you want so you'll just manipulate it until it does what you want and if it doesn't ever do what you you want, you throw it out, right?
They understand this exactly, that the narcissist with you is you with your phone.
Oh, the phone's not doing the right thing. Oh, it keeps rebooting, or the brightness doesn't change, or the microphone is crackly, or their headset.
Like, you know, when I was a kid, in my teenage years, there were these Walkmans, and you could get these Walkmans, and they had these three and, what's it, quarter? No, not quarter-inch.
They're really tiny, 3.5 millimeter, I think it is. These tiny little jacks.
And the jacks would work for about a month.
And then it would start clipping in and out of one ear. And I remember you'd have to hold it a certain way.
I remember that because, you know, they were fairly expensive and I could only afford one every couple of years. But I loved listening to music.
And I remember buying one from a hardware store I was working at.
And it was just, everything was just kind of slow, just a little slow.

[37:29] Shine on you crazy diamond. It was just a little slow.
Everything got kind of slow, slow, slow hand blues jammed down.

[37:42] So, and I'd have to literally get tape. I would get this masking tape.
And if you pulled it to one side, then the contacts matched and you could actually get music.
And so I would tape it down at a weird angle and then turn it one way.
And sometimes you'd have to keep your thumb on it just to get to listen to music. I mean, it was crazy.
Frustrations with phone troubles and attempts to fix it

[38:03] You know, you couldn't get them fixed, right? There was no real repair thing.
There was that kind of stuff, right? So just think of you and your phone.
I mean, you're annoyed if your phone doesn't do what you want.
You'll change the chain.
You know, you just try a variety of strategies to get it to start up.
I think we've all had this with one phone or another. It just no starty.
It just no starty. And so you try a variety of charges.
You'll thump it. You'll, you know, shake it. You'll, I don't know, open up the back maybe, blow on it. You'll put it in rice if you think it might have gotten wet. Like, whatever.
You'll just do so. And it's like, it's kind of annoying, right?
And I had this with a tablet once. I dropped it. It got caught by the headphone cable, and then it just wouldn't start.
And so I tried all these variety of things. You know, you leave it charging overnight in the mad hope that somehow it's going to trickle in the power.
And eventually I took it to a shop to get it fixed. And the guy said, I don't know what's going on, man. I just, I can't get this thing to move at all.
So, yeah, it just, you either recycle it or you, right?
So, or you throw it out or you put it in the basement or whatever, right?
So I would recommend recycling in general keep it to yourself but so you have this this reality that you'll try all of these things to get it to do what you want and if it doesn't do what you want you'll throw it out, you'll stop interacting with it but that's the narcissist with you.

[39:17] So the only way that you get access to eggs is do what your father did and serve as an empty vessel robot slave the endless narcissistic or hedonistic or vanity-based demands of a woman.
So you've got to empty yourself out and turn yourself into a mere appendage or appliance of the woman.
So you're attracted to narcissistic women because you were raised by one and the only way you survived was to serve their needs.
And so you're a service robot. You're a male service robot, which is, you know, most of men throughout human history were just male service robots.

[39:51] Women says jump, you say how high. And I've got no issue with this. It's how we evolved.
You know, the idea that you would argue you against the evolution that put us at the top of the food chain is kind of crazy, right? So I'm not complaining about this.
I'm just pointing out that it's a fact, right? 90% of women reproduce throughout human history, but only 40% are men, which meant that women would rather be with a higher quality man and share him than with a mediocre or low quality man, which is kind of how we evolved with all the great capacities and abilities that we have.
So no problem with any of this, not a complaint, just an observation.
So that is why I think you are attracted to narcissistic women is that you're not asking yourself well what's the benefit well how does this benefit me how does this relationship benefit me now to put it another way the men who regularly asked how does this relationship benefit me didn't get to reproduce with the narcissists around them, because if you're not doing what the narcissist wants she thumps you bribes you or throws you away but there's no such thing as i mean can you imagine your cell phone doesn't boot up.

[40:54] Still say okay fine i'll i'll meet you in the middle i'll just use you for half my calls right if your cell phone doesn't do what you want or let's say your cell phone drops calls randomly, you don't negotiate this and say well you know okay so it drops 50 of the calls but if i can get it to drop 25 of the calls that's fine you know we'll meet in the middle obviously it doesn't want to call i do want to call so it's hanging up on me 50 of the time if i can negotiate with my cell phone down or if my cell phone only hangs up 25 of the time on my calls that's fine no you wouldn't do that it's like 100 or nothing man if you if you disconnect randomly i'm either going to get you fixed or toss you out because you you as a cell phone are there to serve my needs i'm not there to serve your needs or your your preferences right so all right last one what is the best method to dismantle weaponized parental guilt from an aging mother guilt is her favorite tool of nagging i was happily able to ignore it while we were both adults but now that she is becoming more helpless in her old age, I find it, once again, hard to deal with.
Dealing with guilt from an aging mother and taking responsibility

[41:55] Well, what can I tell you? Well, Doc, I've been smoking, pack a day, lo these 40 years, how do I deal with my shortness of breath?
Well, you have allowed a manipulative guilt witch to infest and control your heart, mind, soul, conscience, and balls until you're in your 50s.

[42:22] Let's say she's in her 80s, you're in your 50s.
Let's make it 88, 58, you're 50. And it doesn't matter if she's 78 and you're 48, whatever.
It doesn't really matter, right? For convenience, we'll make it you're 58, she's 88, and she's old and she's needy and she wants you and she's so sick, right? Okay.
So you're 58, which means you've been an adult for 40 years, right?
18 to 58. You've been an adult for 40 years, and for 40 years, you've allowed a manipulative, destructive mother to remain in your life.
You haven't confronted her. You haven't fixed it. She hasn't reformed. She hasn't changed.
I mean, did you not see this coming? I mean, let's be frank.
Let's be frank, because I've got to give you—I mean, you're a big-ass adult. You're a grown-ass man.
You didn't see this coming? you didn't think over the last 40 years or 30 years maybe you're 48 she's 78 well you didn't think for the last 30 40 years that maybe just maybe when your mom got old she just might get needy and manipulative come on brother come on maybe you're a woman i don't know but just you know come on don't even try don't even try the idea that the sort of middle-aged.

[43:50] Young man to mid to late middle age that yeah you know the parental volcanoes are kind of quiet kind of dormant just a little bit of rumbling from time to time the idea that you know the you know the volcano is going to erupt you know it's going to erupt the needs the manipulation the guilting and all of that you know that the more needy and the more helpless your mother becomes the more manipulative and destructive she's going to get so you know that volcano is erupting.
You know it's going to erupt, and you live in the shadow of that volcano for 40 years.
You could move anytime, anytime, but you stay there, and now you're saying, wait a minute, the volcano is erupting. Steph, what do I do?
Well, first of all, I mean, the first thing you should do is give yourself a solid, but of course, allegorical and metaphorical, thwack in the nads with a wet, cold piece of halibut.

[44:40] That old joke the fisherman's wife doesn't want to have sex which is not tonight's year i have a headache so why did you let yourself get into this situation why would you let yourself get into the you've listened to this show for a while to the point where you're part of the community and i appreciate that and i'm you know maybe this is a bit of tough love but how on earth could you let yourself get into this situation where you've got an aging sickly mother who's got her hook so deep within you that you don't know how to resist when i've been talking about virtue and morality is is the basis for relationships for close on 20 years.
Now, you can say, well, I never heard this message, this and that and the other. Come on.
Let's say you never heard this message, even though you're part of this community.
Let's say you never heard this message. So what?
So you have to say to yourself, why did I let it come to this?
Why did I let it come to this?
The Power of Abusive Parents: Young and Old

[45:31] Knowing that my mother's power was going to grow over me, why did I continue the relationship? relationship.
Obviously, she hasn't changed, right? There's two times, right?
There's two times when abusive parents have the greatest power over you, right?
Obviously, the first time, the first time is when you're little.
And the second time is when they're old.
You don't need me to tell you this, do you? I mean, I've mentioned it approximately four and a half trillion times over the course of the show.
There's two times when your abusive parents are going to have power over you, when you're young and when they're old, or they're sick or whatever, right? But generally, the second age thing goes together.
Now, if they didn't handle power over you when you were young, what makes you think they'll handle power over you when they're old?
If they were jerks to you when you were young, and they had power over you because of your youth, what makes you think they'll be better, more wonderful, they'll have turned it all around, they'll be moral and virtuous and helpful?
Well, they were jerks to me when I was a kid, they had power over me because of that. Hey, look at that, they're still jerks now that they're old, and they're powering me over that because of that.

[46:37] So let's say it's been 40 years since your mom marmed you, right? Probably more, right?
Because it's not like one day before you turn 18, moms are still momming like when you were six months old, right?
So let's say it's been 40 years since your mom marmed you, and she's still manipulative, plagues you with guilt, tries to control you, plays the victim, can't ever be straight with you, can't ever be honest about the past.

[47:05] Seriously people what are you doing can you imagine leaving an apple in your garden you look out and it's kind of half rotten after a day and you say well let's leave it for a month then eat it do you think that things are rotten after a day are somehow not rotten after a month it's not wine people well i got a cut and it's really red and inflamed it's definitely an and faction.
Deep Corruption: More Practiced or Better Reform?

[47:35] It up take a bunch of painkillers and i'm going to check it in in a month oh my god oh my god i got a lump that keeps growing but i'll check it next year do you think things that are showing signs of deep corruption are somehow better 40 years later after no reform do you not think they're simply more practiced in corruption if your mom has committed herself to manipulation to guilting to control to playing the victim to never being straight to getting resources through, the evocation of negative stimuli rather than love, and you decide to help her?
Do you think that if she did that when you were a kid, do you think that 40 years later, she's better?
I don't know what to say to you. I mean, there's things you can do, but that's the first thing you've got to admit is that you got yourself into this 100%. Not as a kid. As a kid, absolutely.
Terrible. I have massive sympathies. But 30 years later, 40 years later, no, no, no, you did this to yourself.
Now, there's a reason why you did this to yourself. I don't know what that reason is. If you want to do a call-in, call in at freedomain.com. Always happy to chat.
And I'm really giving you the respect of self-ownership here.
I'm really giving you the respect that you're 40 plus or 50 plus years old.

[48:45] Because you didn't say, my sick mother, right? Old age.
So yeah, you were able to ignore it when she didn't need much from you.
But now she needs a lot from you, and you're paying the price for ignoring the immorality of your mother for decades. decades.
So you appeased, you didn't confront, you didn't assert, you didn't require morality in your relationships, and you just chugged along and trod water decade after decade after decade, like you kept smoking decade after decade after decade, and now you're concerned that you're having trouble drawing breath.
So it's you. It's on you 100%. Now, there's no point me telling you how to deal with your mom if you don't get the principles or figure out why you didn't deal with her and let's say let's say you started listening to the show five years ago five years ago and a couple of times you heard that virtue ought to be the basis of relationships so you chose not to read my book called real-time relationships about honesty and virtue being the foundation of relationships so whatever right or you never ever heard from anyone ever in your life.

[49:47] That it's not great to have abusive people in your life you know you never you just miraculously you never heard that i mean dr phil says perfectly acceptable to take abusive parents out of your life and it's good for you if they're relentlessly abusive right and he's got he's got the whole of psychology and he's got a whole board members of people heading way up in psychology and psychiatry and so on right so you you've never heard anywhere in your life ever that.
Delayed Action: Why Wait so Long to Address Abuse?

[50:17] Healthy to have relentlessly abusive people in your life or give them a lot of power over you right let's i'll give you benefit of that so five years ago maybe you heard this a little bit okay so for five years before this crisis you didn't do anything about it why did you wait so long this is sorry this is my whole thing with philosophy this is what drives me kind of crazy and listen i did it too i'm not again i'm not some elevated floating ass guru on top of a mountain and cross-legged but why this is isn't this what people say some what doctors say you got some big ass tumor coming out of your neck why did you leave it so long why did you leave it so long why did you wait so long why did you leave it so long you're coughing up blood when did this start, five months ago why did you leave it so long prevention right so i got my colonoscopy right why would you leave it so why would you wait until disaster strikes prevention right as i said before I'm not saying you're having a heart attack, but in the analogy, if you're having a heart attack, you don't call your nutritionist or your personal trainer.
What should I do? Why did you leave it so long? Why? Why? Why?
Now, that question of why you left it so long, and I've had to ask that question myself about my own life, and I've talked about this before because I really didn't begin applying philosophy in direct ways in relationships until my late 20s.
I applied it very theoretically I applied it in my professional life in my academic life in my artistic life just not in my actual familial and personal life so I sympathize but I you know I had to invent the wheel myself.

[51:46] Decades and decades ago I mean you've had all of this stuff invented for you why did you leave it so long if you can't answer that question there's nothing I can do or say that's going to help you with your mother if you don't know why you left it so long, because otherwise you're going to feel like a victim and what I want you can't deal with someone who's manipulating you from a position of victimhood if you feel like a victim, which is why I need to empower you as to you got yourself 100% into this situation.
You're not a victim here. You appeased, you ignored, you avoided, you didn't want to confront, you didn't want the unpleasantness.
I get all of that, which is like saying, well, I didn't want the discomfort of quitting smoking.
It's like, well, okay, and now you have serious health problems.
So you're not a victim. You did this entirely to yourself. You put yourself in this situation, and I say this with love and respect and, admiration for you bringing up the question of being honest about this but you are not a victim in this you were a victim as a kid but that's decades and decades and decades ago you ain't a victim no longer you did this to yourself because if you feel sorry for yourself you won't be able to do anything to combat a mother who's trying to evoke sympathy pity and feeling sorry for her you did this to yourself you're in this situation because you deferred confrontation, and moral decisiveness and you appeased and bowed down and backed out and didn't confront and didn't deal with it for a long, long, long, long time.
Self-Pity vs. Taking Ownership: The Consequences of Inaction

[53:04] And the longer you leave something untended, in general, the worse it tends to be.
The longer you leave the fruit out there, the more dangerous it is to eat it.
The longer you leave a health situation unchanged, untended, well, assuming it is changing, the longer you leave a health situation untended, the worse it is.

[53:22] If you wait until your foot turns black before going to see the doctor, well, we understand all of this. Okay, so just really wanted to point that out.
I'm trying to arm you for the battle to come by having you avoid any semblance of self-pity for what you absolutely, completely, and totally did to yourself.
So you've got to take ownership for that.
Now, I'm going to blow your mind a little more. You did this to your mother a little bit too.
See, you knew your mother was someone not with an inner sense of morality or conscience. She's someone who does what works.
Remember, that's just most people. Most people do what works.
And what worked with your mother was manipulation with you for 40, 50 plus years.
Now, again, as a kid, right, we can shave off the first couple decades, let's say 30, 40 years, because you were a kid, right?
So when she manipulated you, she bullied you, she threatened you either explicitly or implicitly, which is why you didn't confront her.
Hey look you trained her that manipulation and bullying works because it did work with you it controlled your behavior it got her what she wanted decade after decade as an adult she had no power over you so you trained her and this is part of your revenge against her right you trained her that manipulation works.
Manipulation and Bullying: A Cycle of Compliance

[54:42] She keeps manipulating why because it works and why does it work because you rewarded it you conformed you submitted you bowed down it worked because you handed over the greatest treasure of your independence virtue association and connection respect and resources you handed over your greatest treasure to somebody who relentlessly manipulated and bullied you well gosh if you comply with the bully and give the bully what exactly what the bully wants you You can't expect the bully to change.
It is an act of profound love and respect to stop complying with guilting and bullying, to stop complying with manipulation.
It is an absolute mark. It's the only chance that your mother has is if you stop complying.
So you also sealed her fate to some degree, not a large degree, but to some degree.
You sealed her fate by rewarding her manipulation.
I keep giving the bully $20 every single day.
I can't believe the bully is still bullying me.
And this is different because the bully can punch you push you down so you understand a part of your vengeance was to seal up your mother's dysfunction and surround her with the demons of her own nature by feeding and rewarding them based on your compliance.

[55:52] You're not a victim you're also abusing back compliance with abuse when you don't have to is abusing back just a little bit again I'm not saying you're the equal of your mother but you've got to understand these mechanics mechanics.
You also may have had trouble confronting your mother because you're doing these things to one degree or another yourself.
Maybe, I don't know. Again, call in at freedomand.com if you want to talk further.
And of course, if I'm wrong about any of this, I would welcome the correction, but this is a valuable principle for everyone as a whole.

[56:23] Child, the people who are in your life are in your life based 100% on your choosing.
The people who are in your life are in your life 100%. Nobody had a gun to your head, forcing you to see your mom, call your mom, take care, right?
So you've got to confront that part of yourself that sacrificed long-term happiness for what worked in the moment, because that's the same part as your mom.
This is where you and your mom have these overlapping lapping circles.

[56:51] So your mother did what worked in the short run at the expense of future happiness, which was to bully, manipulate, shame, guilt, whatever, right?
But you did the same thing.
You did what worked in the short run at the expense of future happiness called compliance and non-confrontation, and non-assertion, and non-boundaries, and non-moral standards, not enforcing moral standards.
Confronting the Manipulation: A Path to Healing

[57:11] So the only way, in my view, I mean, honesty is the best policy.
I assume since your mom is old, you're not in any physical danger, she's not going to brain you with the saucepan or something so you go and you say i'm not happy with our relationship and i haven't been happy with our relationship for a long time and i appeased that and i didn't confront it i'm really sorry for that that was the wrong thing to do did not exactly help dislodge some bad habits from your breast just go and have an honest conversation and say i really don't like the guilting i really feel bad about it i i don't like this right i don't like that you try to get things out of me or try to get me to do things based upon guilt and manipulation i don't like that I don't want to do things because of that.
And it's been a long-term problem in our relationship. And I've contributed now, since I'm 40 plus, 50 plus, whatever years old, I've contributed to that for decades.
So I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for complying. I'm sorry for not having the stomach or fortitude to confront you about this decades ago, but better late than never. And you just have that conversation.
I don't like it. But I'm sick.

[58:12] Well, illness doesn't mean you manipulate. Some people who are ill are wonderfully deep and spiritual and loving and connected and virtuous, so no sickness around.
Well, I took care of you. It's like, well…
Confronting Mother: Indirect vs Direct Approach

[58:24] Kind of manipulative, or I experience this sort of manipulation and guilting and so on, that's not really taking care of me, so to speak, right?
So, you've just got to have that conversation, because you're looking for an indirect way to solve a problem founded on indirection, appeasement, right?
How do I deal with the effects of not confronting my mother without confronting my mother?
You know the answer, and you've known the answer for decades, so you've got to sit down and talk to her about your genuine experience of the relationship, What you like, what you don't like, what you remember, the problems you have, the issues you have.

[58:57] Break through or break out? You break through to the person and have a real connection, in my view, or you just get out.
My view, I'm not telling you what to do. This is sort of my experience, what worked for me in a beautiful, terrifying, appalling, and eventually wonderful way.
How do I deal with my mother without telling her the truth about what I think and feel?
Well, you can't. Then you're just avoiding. You're depersonalizing.
You're depersonalizing. You're avoiding. You're jumping out of your own skin.
You're pretending to be someone else. You're pretending to be compliant against that which you revolt and rebel against, which is lying.
You've got to stop lying and start telling the truth to your mother about what you think and feel.
How it goes from there? Well, can't tell you. I could put some money on it, but I can't tell you. So that's a free will thing. All right.
Thanks, everyone, so much.
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