0:00 - Understanding Relationship Foundations
8:26 - The Challenges of Pursuing Women
36:40 - Embracing Courage and Overcoming Fear
In this episode, I delve into the complexities of dating, specifically focusing on how to assess whether a partner with chaotic personal traits is worth pursuing. A listener brings forth the example of a woman who, despite her above-average income, struggles with personal challenges like financial habits, messy living conditions, and mental health issues. I emphasize the importance of looking beyond initial physical attraction and understanding the deeper qualities necessary for a sustainable relationship.
The conversation explores the fundamental premise that the foundation of a healthy long-term relationship cannot solely rely on sexual attraction. I stress that, during marriage, couples often share a substantial amount of time outside of sexual intimacy. Therefore, it's crucial to examine whether you genuinely like and admire your partner as a person, independent of sexual availability. The listener must consider if he enjoys spending time with her based on her character and virtues, rather than the excitement of the initial attraction.
As we continue, I challenge the listener to reflect on the skills and desires his partner possesses for motherhood. Given the listener’s aspirations for a future with children, I argue that it’s vital to assess whether this woman can successfully transition from her chaotic state into the nurturing role he hopes she would fulfill. I highlight that a stable home environment is essential for raising children, and her inability to maintain a tidy space or manage basic household tasks raises concerns.
The discussion then shifts to the listener's personal experiences with dating and relationships. He expresses insecurities around approaching women, feeling overwhelmed by the fear of social rejection and scrutiny. I acknowledge the valid nature of his fears, emerging from societal pressures and past experiences. It's vital to recognize that this anxiety is a natural part of the growth process. I encourage him to confront this fear through practical steps, emphasizing that making mistakes is intrinsic to learning and developing competence in any endeavor, including dating.
I address the ubiquitous notion of procrastination, urging the listener to take action now rather than delay pursuit. The idea that delaying would eventually ease the process is a myth; in reality, it often complicates matters further as opportunities effectively seal off over time. I stress that a proactive approach is essential not only for personal development but also to avoid the pitfalls of regret later in life.
Throughout this episode, I weave personal anecdotes and philosophical insights, all aimed at providing encouragement and challenging my listeners to confront their fears. Ultimately, success in dating and relationships stems from self-awareness, courage, and a determination to engage with life actively. By breaking down complex emotions and societal expectations, I hope to provide clarity and guidance for those navigating the often chaotic landscape of modern relationships.
[0:00] Good morning, everybody. Stefan Molyneux from Free Domain. Listener questions. Let's go. How to decide whether a somewhat chaotic person is worth dating, for example. I'm currently dating, says a listener, a 30-year-old woman who makes above-average salary but cannot save any money, cannot cook, her place is quite messy and run down, and she has sleeping issues and panic attacks, which, she says, said have disappeared after starting to date me. How could one move forward in such situations without dismissing a person too early, and perhaps for the wrong reasons, but also without falling into the trap of trying to excessively change or, quote, save someone?
[0:33] Well, I will tell you that if your most foundational reason for dating a woman is sexual attraction, you are in for a long and miserable life. You are in for a long and miserable life. I'll tell you this, man. Over the course of getting married, of having work, of aging parents, of various ailments, of the having and raising of children, I'll just tell you this. You're going to spend a not insubstantial amount of time over the course of a long marriage not having sex. You're doing a a bunch of other stuff, right? I mean, the stuff and business of life as a whole. You are going to spend a significant majority of your time in your life with a wife not having sex.
[1:31] Just to be aware, just so you know.
[1:34] So, if your primary attraction to a woman is a desire to have sex with her, than you're going to spend the vast majority of your life putting up with someone and not having sex, right?
[1:50] So let's say you have sex three to four times a week. Let's say three to four times a week, 20 minutes a pop. So that's an hour, give or take, right? So you get an hour a week. It's an hour a week. Well, that is not specifically a massive amount of time because you've got 16 hours a day of being awake, let's just say eight hours with your partner, right? Eight hours a day with your partner. And if you're doing an hour a week, you know, divided by seven, nine minutes, you get eight hours, nine minutes of sexual activity, average doubt. So the vast majority of your time is spent not having sex.
[2:32] This is what they call post-nut clarity. There's a kind of fever dream that overtakes a man. When a woman is sexy, and also if she has the additional layer of sad, tragic victim, and helpless, fairly incompetent, at least in this case, in the personal sphere kind of woman, that's a special trigger for some kind of men, and we sort of lose our minds. So, let's look at the facts. A 30-year-old woman makes above average salary. So what does that matter? What does that matter? So I'm going to assume that you want to get married and have children. Because if you don't, then there's much less philosophical content to your relationship. There's much less forward thinking. So if you're going to get married and have children, and you want to be a good father, then your wife will stay home with your children. So if your wife stays home with your children, what on earth does her above-average salary matter? Because it's going to go, poof, bye-bye, gone, gone, gone. Gone, gone, gone, she'll be gone, gone, gone, she'll be gone, gone, gone so long.
[3:42] So she is going to be a homemaker if you want what's best for your children. What's best for your children is a stay-at-home mother, breastfeeding. I mean, breastfeeding is so amazing that if your child, not if, when your child gets an infection, the saliva on the nipple signals to the mother to produce more antibodies, which she transfers through the breast milk to the child. You ain't going to get that from powdered formula.
[4:09] So if you want what's best for your children, then your wife stays home with your babies. So she ain't working. So what does it matter about her above average salary? Salary what is going to matter is how well can she run a home and she clearly is clueless about running a home because she can't even keep her own place tidy or sanitary and she can't cook and she has sleeping issues and panic attacks which means that she has i would imagine a fairly permanently activated fight-or-flight mechanism now the fact that she's dating you means that she's under the protection of a male, which allows women to relax, right? I mean, one of the reasons that totalitarians or totalitarian-minded people want to keep women single is when women are single, they're in a semi-permanent state of fight or flight, which creates a fair amount of anxiety, which has them cry out for authoritarianism and protection from bad feels, right? Which is the state, right? So...
[5:15] You have to like the person as she is. You have to like the person as he is. You have to admire the person. And you have to picture, you have to picture the person without sexual access. In other words, you have to say, if this person was not sexually available to me, for whatever reason, would I still enjoy my time with this person? Because that's a dry run for 99% of your time over the course of your marriage, which is spent not having sex. It's chatting, cuddling, doing taxes, taking care of the sick, being sick, taking care of children, homeschooling, planning trips, taking care of elderly parents. There is a lot that goes into a marriage that is about not having sex. I mean, especially if you homeschool, right?
[6:13] So, do you like her for who she is? Number one. Does she have a courage, integrity, honesty, directness, loyalty? Does she have the basic virtues that would have you admire a person? Number one. Number two. Number one means if that isn't passed, nothing else becomes relevant. And then you say, okay, if she were sexually inaccessible to me, would I still enjoy her company? Because, you know, when you're a man, particularly a younger man, it's a lot about, you know, sex delirium, right? Called being dicknapped, which is being kidnapped by your own penis and hormones, right? So would you, if this woman were your best friend's wife, in other words, she was not sexually available to you in no way, shape or form, and they had a happy marriage, would you enjoy spending time with her?
[7:10] Well, if you enjoy spending time with her because she's a good person and a person that you admire and a person that you respect, if she's an honorable, good woman, okay, then you move to the next step, which is, okay, does she want to and does she have the skills to be a good mother for my children, for our children, right? Because that requires a certain amount of skills and maturity in terms of running a home and in terms of her compassion and her strength and all of that kind of good stuff. Okay, so if you like her as a person and you admire her morals and she has the desire to be and the skills to be a good mother to your children, well, then you probably are going to find it worth continuing. Right? But instead of thinking with your reproductive organs, start thinking with regards to your future children. Is she going to be a good mom? Is she going to be a fun mom? Is she going to be warm and compassionate and patient and bonded? Does she love children? Does she enjoy the prospect of motherhood?
[8:27] So you can't save people. You can't save people. You can give them good advice, but you can't save people. You can help guide people who are already in a good direction. Like, an expert coach cannot make an Olympic athlete. If the Olympic athlete is highly motivated and willing to listen to coaching, and willing to do the drills and the practice and the exercise and the stretches and the rub-downs and all of that, then there's a chance. But an expert coach can't just pick someone at random and turn them into an Olympic athlete. And of course, you have to both be willing to coach others and be coached yourself in order for there to be a great relationship.
[9:11] But what you don't want, of course, what you don't want is to get married, have children, children and come home to unhappy children, a sobbing dysfunctional wife, and a smelly messy home. Oh, my friend, you don't want that. And a woman who is going through a variety of mental health crises when she's single, and childless, or at least unmarried, a woman who's going through mental health crises in in the relatively calm waters of her 20s and is having panic attacks and sleep issues and can't keep a place tidy and doesn't know how to cook and all of that, a woman who's going through all of that.
[10:01] I mean, I think of the things that I consider dramatic in my 20s, and after, you know, you hold a precious child and you're responsible for keeping that child alive and bringing that child up well, and you're responsible for people who are ill and so on, right? I mean, the dramas of my 20s, I don't mean to diminish them, they were important at the time, but looking back on them, my gosh, my gosh. The responsibilities that you accumulate later in life are far greater than the responsibilities you have early in life. So she's only really been responsible for herself, and she's in a chaotic, dysfunctional, panic, attack, messy place state. How is that going to be when she takes on the responsibilities of wife and mother? So she's this stressed and chaotic and crazed when she's only responsible for herself. How's she going to be when she's responsible for the literal lives of babies and toddlers?
[10:59] Also, of course, was she raised to be a wife and mother? Now, this isn't an absolute. I was certainly not raised to be a husband and father, but I put a lot of work into figuring out how to do these things. So if she has no knowledge of cooking, it means that she had a chaotic mother. If she has no knowledge of even the basics, how do you not keep a place tidy when it's just you? Right, no husband, no kids, no guests really to speak of. So how do you keep a place messy when it's just you? And is it going to be easier to keep a place tidy when she has a husband and two or three kids?
[11:41] So coming home from a man, for a man to come home to a messy, dirty, chaotic place is depressing as hell.
[11:51] You want to come home from work to a place, it doesn't have to be spotless, of course, right? But, you know, tidy and organized with some happy kids, right? Coming home to just a smelly mess and a bunch of unhappy kids is depressing. One of the ways that a woman displays her self-esteem is through the quality of her home and if the quality of the home is bad the man's motivation is deflated because it's like i'm working for this thank you but no so anyway those are my thoughts all right i'm 24 so someone and the older i get the more i feel i totally lack experience pursuing women in relationships i've only asked a girl out once in person and that was after almost an entire year of building familiarity during band rehearsal. I have a lot of fear around the idea of pursuing women, especially in new environments. I feel like it's frowned upon to ask someone out, and if it doesn't work out, I won't be able to show my face in that environment because my ulterior motive has been exposed. This might be vanity, but I'm extremely afraid of doing things incorrectly, especially publicly. I avoid doing new or unfamiliar things, and if I fall or make large mistakes at something in front of others, I feel a very strong desire to quit that activity entirely or isolate myself until I can perform better. Pursuing women is an area I don't know how to do correctly and one I feel will have the worst social consequences if I do it wrong. Do you have any advice on how I can overcome this fear?
[13:16] You know, I sort of hate to say get over yourself, but the chaotic and messy business of improving yourself is always going to be a bad feeling, right? I mean, the first time you go to the gym, you won't know what you're doing, right? The first time you sit down to learn piano, you're not going to know what you're doing. The first time you try shooting a bow, you're not going to know what you're doing and you're going to look, quote, foolish and make mistakes and so on. And so, in general, the reason that we end up feeling this way is that people who have superior knowledge have two choices, right? If you have greater knowledge, then you can either, A, enjoy transferring that knowledge to other people by keeping the flame alive and inspiring others to pursue the excellence that you have achieved, right? That's number one. One, you humble yourself to the ignorance of others, encourage them and give them a positive experience in learning your expertise so that your expertise can spread and the world can become a better place thereby. Number one. Number two, you can sneer at people who, for whatever reason, know less about your particular topic than you do.
[14:32] And you can roll your eyes and you can consider yourself all kinds of superior as long as you compare yourself, your strengths against their weaknesses, never their strengths against your weaknesses because everything that you learn is something else you haven't learned. People look at, oh, so-and-so is really good at piano and that's great, it's good. I mean, I'd love to be good at piano but I'd rather be better at philosophy and if I spent the 1,000 or 2,000 or 5,000 hours becoming really good at piano, then that would be a whole lot less philosophy out there in the world and I think the world needs better philosophy, not another pianist.
[15:05] So if a pianist looks at me playing chopsticks and says, you suck, well, I can look at all the time the pianist spent learning piano versus all the time I spent learning philosophy and say, as a philosopher, you suck, right? But it's just kind of sad. It's sort of pointless. And it's a vanity thing, right? It's a vanity thing. Vanity is I can't look bad, which means I can't learn. I can't make mistakes. I can't fail. Now, a lot of times people who have this kind of thin skin brittleness, this vanity, they They have it because they have vainglorious, insecure teachers, priests, parents, or whoever, authority figures who are supposed to encourage you to knowledge and virtue. Instead, people sneered at you for not knowing things and said that they were somehow existentially or ontologically better because they knew stuff and you didn't, right? So, a teacher should encourage you to pursue knowledge, and you should be enthusiastic about the pursuit of knowledge, but an exploiter will make you feel bad for not possessing the knowledge he has, and thus he will not transfer his knowledge, he will transfer insecurity, and this way he doesn't face as much competition. So I assume that you were raised by a people, and this could be within the family, outside the family, or both. So you were raised by people.
[16:27] Hoarded their knowledge by insulting the novices, right? As I mentioned many times in the show over the years, it's a vivid example of the guy, it was my first week in a very complicated large hardware store and I didn't know where a particular wrench was and he's like, it's aisle four, you should know this by now, right? Rather than, hey, you're new, let me show you, take you over, here it is, here's how things are organized, you know, whatever, here's a little map I drew so you can and memorize it, you know, just being helpful. Now, of course, many years later, I had to go back to the hardware store for something else. I had moved on to bigger and better things, and Joe Loserhead was still working in the hardware store. It's like, oh, yes. Now, of course, I didn't rub his nose in it. Oh, you're still working here? Haven't you moved on? This place pays like $2.50 an hour. What, are you crazy? It doesn't make any sense.
[17:19] So, what is that, $5,000 a year? It's pretty sad, right? So, yeah, I didn't, right? But, so you lack experience pursuing women in relationships, so if I was a young man, I'd be thrilled at that. See, it's all about your perspective. Oh, I'm so scared to pursue girls, right? Okay, well, that's great news. Because there are a lot of young men who are scared to pursue girls. Like half of men, young men aged 18 to 24, almost half, 45%, have never asked a girl out. So you can look at that and say, oh, there's a huge problem among young men. I would look at that and say, that's great freaking news. That's great freaking news because half of my competition has self-eliminated, right? So if you're trying to get a gold medal, get on a Wheaties box, right? If you're trying to get a gold medal at the Olympics.
[18:15] And your major competitor, the guy you're most afraid of getting the gold instead of you, decides to take up Tibetan chanting and retreat to a monastery in the highlands. I mean, do you feel like that's bad or that's good? No, that's good for you because you're much more likely now to get the gold because your competitor has self-eliminated. So as a young man, you now have effectively twice the number of women available to you. And as a young man you feel insecure regarding girls well of course you do i mean has nobody ever told you that that's completely expected that's the absolute natural and healthy state of things for you to feel relatively worthless and insecure regarding girls yes no shit sherlock right of course of course you you feel insecure and worthless relative to girls because girls young like young women 18 to 24 are at the height of their attractiveness and romantic value and so on and as a young man right beauty for resources their beauty is evident your resources are still to come so you feel insecure good that means they're going to work extra hard that means that you're going to have to put on a big mating display and show your intelligence your wit and all of the abilities and faculties that are going to as much as possible guarantee your future your success so that an attractive woman will commit to you and so on, right? So I get that.
[19:44] But you're like some half-starved, desperate job seeker who only cares about whether the person interviewing him wants to hire him. He never thinks about whether he wants to work there, right? So women say, well, we find confidence very attractive, right? So what is confidence? Well, confidence is I'm happy to be evaluated. I also will be evaluating.
[20:09] So if you go to an attractive woman and you chat with her and she's cold and she's hostile or indifferent or has cocktail eyes just staring around the room or whatever it is, right? If you do all of that, then she is a rude and vain person. And I understand some of that. If you're a very attractive woman, you have to have a resting bitch face, they call it. You have to be a little cold and hostile. Otherwise, all the men in the known universe are lining up to date you. So you evaluate the woman is she friendly is she positive is she enthusiastic is she funny does she have interesting hobbies does she read books because if she doesn't read books particularly fiction then she's unlikely to have empathy right is she strong does she resist groupthink does she have independent ideas and arguments of her own is she offended by ideas that go against what she knows or is she curious about the world? Because women who use offense as a means of social control will box you in and paint you into a corner to the point where you chew your own arm off rather than be trapped that way for one more minute.
[21:23] So yeah, you're frightened of pursuing women. I get that. That's natural. Why do you think men, why do you think young men have evolved to be frightened of pursuing women? Well, it's what spurs us to achieve. It's why we have a civilization. It's why we invented fire, to keep women warm, right? It's why we invented clothing, to keep women warm. It's why we invented farming, to keep women fed, right? It's why we invented houses, to keep women clothed. I mean, if you look at the average bachelor pad, you know the joke that it's It's a futon and a giant TV and a video game console. Giant TV is resting not on a nice mahogany console, but on the box it came in. That's how men live, right?
[22:08] Men make houses, women make homes. So we are motivated towards excellence largely for the providing for women and children. So yes, you're nervous about that. And you should be nervous about that because how do you know if you're going to be a good provider? How do you know if you're going to be a good provider and a strong husband and father? How do you know that? Well, you don't. So everyone thinks that this nervousness thing, oh, I feel anxious, I feel nervous. It's just a bad, weird thought that needs to be chased out of your mind. It's crazy and irrational. Well, how do you know that your fear and anxiety is crazy and irrational?
[22:47] How do you know? Would you be a strong, attractive, appealing provider and protector for your wife and children? Well, if you don't believe that, then asking women out is kind of fraudulent. Because asking women out is saying, I'm auditioning to be a strong protector and provider for you and future children. Right? That's what asking a woman out is. Now, if you don't believe deep down that you can be or will be a strong provider and protector for your family, then of course you're nervous because you're fraudulent. So you need to figure out how. Now, it doesn't mean that you are doing that now, but you know that you'll do that in the future. I mean, I worked in a daycare for many years and spent time around family and kids and kids really like me. I really enjoy the company of children. And so I knew for sure that I was going to be a good father. I knew that. I mean, I absolutely knew that for sure. and women said, oh, you're confident and so on. It's like, well, that I know for sure. Now, a good provider and so on. Well, once I started to make some money in my 20s in the software field as an entrepreneur, then I knew I was going to be a good provider.
[24:06] And because I've been working out my whole life, that changes your mindset considerably, right? I mean, if you're physically weak as a man, it's very hard to have confidence. So, working out is not so much to change your body as it is to change your mind. You move differently in the world when you have muscles. You move differently in your mind. You're showing discipline, consistency, and the self-respect to be physically strong. So, if you're physically weak, and you don't have the resolution and will still to go out and win resources in the arena of the market and you've never really spent much time around kids so that you know whether or not they like you you like them then aren't you putting forward a kind of fraud so maybe your insecurity is stop faking it like when it comes to romance you literally you absolutely cannot fake it till you make it.
[25:07] Have to have the confidence that in the future you will be a good provider and in the present you will be a good protector. And can you be a good protector if you're physically weak? Now, I'm not talking about getting into fights. I'm talking about preventing fights by getting fairly physically strong. You just, you move different in the world. I mean, I've been working out since I was 15 or 16 years old. I certainly started working out after I read all of the ancient Greek philosophers focus on the excellence of the body, the strength of the body. So I've been working out since my mid-teens, so over 40 years, and I've never been in a physical fight. It doesn't happen. So it's about prevention.
[25:52] So start exercising so that you can at least say, I'm putting out the markers of being a good provider. And if you're afraid of doing things incorrectly, that's because you had exploitive knowledge holders in the past who made themselves feel good by making you feel stupid. And that's really sad. And I sympathize with that. But you got to find a way to move beyond it. You can't let, like, as I said in my stream recently, and it came out of a private call, the bad guys win when you start treating everyone as a bad guy. So if you had people who humiliated you for the inevitable lack of knowledge and skill you had being a child if you had people who humiliated you you know it's like it's like some guy who's five six mocking a toddler for being short i mean it's just pathetic right, but if you had people who mocked you because you lack knowledge and skill as a child or a teenager.
[26:44] Then if you treat everyone like they're those people like let's say it was your parents right if you treat everyone as if they're going to mock you for lacking skill and ability and so on, then you're allowing your cruel parents to have you go through the world treating everyone like they're your cruel parents which means they win you lose because now you're treating everyone like they were your cruel parents which means people with skill aren't going to want to have much to do with you so if you treat everyone like abusers then healthy people avoid you because healthy people don't want to be in the category of abuse abuser so try to avoid that you know There are lots of nice and good and healthy people in the world who will encourage you, you know, you got this, you know, who will encourage you, who will transfer knowledge in a positive, exciting, and benevolent manner. I mean, I'm one of those people, right? I don't humiliate people for not knowing philosophy. I will occasionally be pretty aggressive with people, or at least assertive with people who pretend to know philosophy and are leading people astray, and that's pretty important. The ignorant are not my enemy, the aggressive sophists in some ways are. So. Treat everyone like they're your terrible parents or terrible teachers and so on. And the other thing, last thing I'll say about this is this. It's now or never.
[28:04] Procrastination is the belief that putting off necessary work will get easier later when it in fact gets harder. I've always had this hourglass in my mind that if I don't do it now, then it's going to be harder later. I mean, if it's raining and you have to move a giant barrel that's a third full of water and you say, well, it's too heavy to lift now, I'll do it later. Well, later, it's going to be more full of water. Your only chance to do it now is to do it now. Your only chance to do it at all is to do it now. The rain barrel fills up if you need to move it without spilling it over.
[28:46] It's way better to do it when it's a third full than when it's two-thirds full. And every day is another drop of rain, every hour, every minute is another drop of rain in the bucket. And so if you say it's too difficult to do now, you're saying I'm never going to do it. Procrastination is not I'll do it later. Procrastination is I'm going to fool myself that I'm going to do it later so that I never end up doing it at all. And of course, I've talked to a number of people who've missed that window in their late teens, early 20s of getting to talk to girls and figuring this stuff out and making your mistakes and shooting your shot and getting shot down and getting up and realizing you can survive it. I mean, we're a robust species, man. We were down to 10,000 people in the last ice age as all of humanity, like less than one quarter of Battlestar Galactica's roster, right? So we're a robust species.
[29:42] We're a robust species. Go read up on Rasputin. See what he survived and then say, but I can't take it if a woman says no to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course you can. Don't be so silly. Don't be so frail. Of course you can. Now, the more you fear, the less you'll try, and the more fragile you'll feel. Whatever you feed gets stronger. Whatever you starve gets it's weaker. And if you feed your cowardice and starve your courage, you will end up more and more afraid and less and less able to be courageous. The real drops of rain that fall in the rain barrel are a decision to wait till later. But later is never. And once you understand this, later is never. So I had a business opportunity in my 20s. Was it a perfect business opportunity? It was not. I much rather would have worked for a gaming company. But the one that opened up was environmental management information systems. Environmentalism, health and safety, all of this kind of stuff. Was I interested in the topic? Not in particular. Was it the ideal business opportunity for me? It absolutely was not.
[30:48] I'd lived for over a quarter century and this was the first real business opportunity that opened up for me. Did I grab it with both hands? I absolutely did. Did I work 80 hours a week sometimes? I absolutely did. Yes, yes, yes. A thousand times yes. So, because later would have been never.
[31:07] Later would have been never. Oh, no, no, I'm going to wait. Well, it's not quite perfect so I'm going to wait until things are perfect. Well, you wait and you wait and you wait and then you're perfectly dead. Well she's not quite the perfect girl well she's not this she's okay wait for the perfect girl go on wait for the perfect girl and then when you meet the perfect girl and you're 30 and you have no experience talking to women you'll screw it up it's saying i'm gonna wait to practice the piano until i have a concert at carnegie hall and then the concert at carnegie hall oh we booked you in for carnegie hall next week and then oh my god i've got us and you're gonna screw it up i'm gonna going to wait to practice my sport until I'm on the Olympic team.
[31:49] That's never, right? I understand that's just never. That's all it is. And just be honest with yourself and say, well, if I don't talk to a girl this week, I'm never talking to girls. Because that's what happens. Because as life moves onward, people expect you to gain experience. And if life moves onward, as it inevitably does, procrastination is the idea that you're going in a circle. You're not going in a a circle, you're going in a straight line to the fucking grave. That's all you're doing. The conveyor belt is moving you along to the fucking grave. You get a couple of decades as an adult, you don't even know how many, and then you get dumped unceremoniously into a six-foot hole. They throw dirt on your face, cover you up with earth, and you're food for worms. That's it. Procrastination is the idea that you're going in circles. You're not. You're on a conveyor belt to death. You're on and a conveyor belt to the grave, step by step, bit by bit. And people expect you to gather knowledge and experience and wisdom and courage.
[32:48] Conveyor belt of the days. And if you don't, people will look at you as a loser who has avoided life. That is not attractive. So if you meet the perfect girl and you have no experience talking to girls, she will not view you as the perfect guy. So every week you don't talk to a girl, I'm not saying you got to ask out every girl you meet, but every week, every day that you avoid talking to a woman and you surrender to the fear you do shorter breath and one day closer to death as the song goes go listen to dark side of the moon it's got great lessons on mortality and that's why those guys achieved stuff because they got it and we're gonna die so one way to overcome fear is to replace it with a bigger fear right i mean why did the soldiers go over the trench in World War I, because they were going to get shot by their sergeants if they didn't. Their captains would shoot them. So they replaced a fear going into the no-man's land with a bigger fear, which allowed people to, quote, overcome the fear. So you say, well, I'm scared to talk to girls. Okay. What's the bigger fear? Well, every time you avoid talking to girls, not talking to girls gets stronger, and talking to girls gets weaker, and eventually it dies. It dies.
[34:03] Eventually, if you don't pursue an avenue, they seal up, right? When you're young, there's lots of paths you can take, but they seal up and they seal over over time. I mean, when I was younger, I suppose I could have pursued being a dancer, right? But that seals up over time.
[34:21] When I was in my teens, I got scouted by a modeling agency, but I didn't pursue it. I mean, I went to a couple of meetings and all that, but it just seemed like a weird world to me. But now I'm not a model, right? I can't go be a model for the gap, right?
[34:40] Now, I mean, I could have chosen to become a doctor or a lawyer in my teens and my 20s but now in my mid to late 50s, I suppose I could try but it would be kind of pointless. If a woman chooses not to have children by the time she's in her 40s, she can't have children. See, avenues seal up. If you've ever been on a path, like a path that you walk for a while, and this happened over the course of the pandemic because a lot of trails were closed, right? So you go on a path and people stop using the path. How long does it take for it to grow over? I actually walked a path the other day. I did a show on it. I walked a path the other day that nobody had walked for a couple of years and it was almost completely grown over and it was almost impossible to distinguish. And in another year, it would be impossible to distinguish where the path had been. So your choices wither and die Your options wither and die And the path towards talking to women is sealing up.
[35:42] A permanent hymen, so to speak. It's sealing up. Every day. Every day it seals up. Every day it gets thicker and harder. Every day more water pours into the rain barrel that you have to move to the point where it becomes immovable. And then regret kicks in and you say, damn it, why did I wait until the rain barrel was too full to move when I could have moved it? When it was a third full, it would have been tough, but I could have done it. Now I can't do it. And that's it. and then you die. If you don't try, all you do is fail until you die. And then, when you get older, you realize that all of the things that kept you from what you most wanted to do were total bullshit. This is the devil stripping you of your potential. That's what regret is. Regret is I was frightened by fear itself. I was frightened out of life, not for anything objective, but simply by fear itself.
[36:40] All the losses of cowardice become apparent and all the reasons for cowardice fall away and all you're left with is endless regret until you die. I hope this helps. Go talk to women. Go talk to men. Freedomain.com slash donate I appreciate your time, your care, your thoughts and in particular your support. Lots of love my friends. Talk to you soon. Bye.
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