0:00 - Introduction to Philosophy Live
28:17 - Privacy and Past Choices
1:17:51 - Trust and Moral Obligations
1:49:55 - Choices and Consequences
1:55:57 - Self-Ownership and Happiness
In this episode, I tackle the ethical complexities surrounding the withholding of personal information, particularly about past romantic choices. A listener raises a thought-provoking question about whether it is immoral or dishonest to keep such details secret from future partners. Drawing from prior discussions, I clarify that maintaining a degree of privacy regarding one’s history is not only acceptable but necessary for personal autonomy. We delve into the concept that individuals are entitled to guard certain aspects of their experiences, not out of deceit, but simply out of the need for self-protection and emotional health.
Further into our conversation, I respond to inquiries about social dynamics during relationships, exploring what kind of information should be shared or withheld. I emphasize that people should not feel pressured to disclose every detail of their past, especially if it does not serve the current relationship. The discussion also branches into the nature of dating and how individuals may choose to navigate their romantic lives while grappling with the weight of their histories. We explore the idea that not all experiences need to be weaponized against oneself or shared in the spirit of transparency.
As I move through various listener comments and questions, we discuss the lack of accountability in the decisions individuals make, particularly in their personal lives. I challenge the notion that dissatisfaction in relationships can often stem from unclear expectations and the dangers of blaming partners for our own uncommunicative tendencies. Society has shifted toward a low-trust culture, and this has implications for how we view personal interactions and the need for vulnerability.
Towards the latter part of the episode, we address the theme of societal standards and the expectations we place on ourselves and one another. By unpacking the dynamics of friendships and romantic relationships, I urge listeners to cultivate honesty not only with their partners but with themselves. The complexity of human interactions necessitates that we reflect on the type of individuals we surround ourselves with and how these relationships can impact our happiness and self-worth.
In the final segment, I emphasize the importance of taking personal responsibility for one’s choices within relationships and life overall. The conversation concludes with a call for listeners to engage in dialogue and build connections within their communities, ultimately fostering a more honest and fulfilling relational landscape. The crux of this episode is a reminder that self-awareness, introspection, and decisiveness are vital in navigating the often murky waters of social relationships.
[0:00] All righty righty good evening good evening 21st of august 2024 wednesday night live all philosophy all the time odds of shirtlessness somewhat increasing because staff bot had a nice workout today and i'm pumped pumped for philosophy and pumped for ripping the barn doors off tanks, as well as a hole. All right. Let us get to your comments, issues, challenges, and problems. And let's start with Swanlock asks, is it immoral or dishonest to withhold information and not speak about bad choices you have made in the past? For context, in a prior call-in in which you spoke with a 35-year-old woman, At the end, you told her not to tell future dating candidates about her past choices of terrible men and to take it to the grave. I think this is dishonest and withholding information. It was confusing to hear this from you.
[1:03] I'm going to cast my magical unconfusion spell. Lack of confusion. That is the Genesis song we will be singing tonight. Jeez, I thought that was something on my background. It is, in fact, just something on my monitor. So, uh, yes. Yes, you are allowed some privacy in this life. You are allowed some privacy. Do you think I have told my wife every woman I ever dated? I have not.
[1:32] You're allowed privacy. No, you're allowed privacy. You're allowed to not answer questions. You're allowed to not be upfront. You're allowed privacy. If you don't want to talk about something in your past, I mean, you've heard me say this a million times in call-in shows, don't talk about anything you're not comfortable. If you don't want to answer this question, that's totally fine. So if you made bad dating decisions in the past, you dated someone who turned out to be a stalker, and you've dealt with it, you've gone to therapy, You've done all the self-knowledge understanding that you need to do and all that kind of stuff, right? Well, why would you want to bring it up? And why would you have to? You're allowed to have privacy. Hello, JP, not Morgan. Nice to see you. You're allowed to have privacy. You're allowed to have things you don't talk about. You're allowed to take some things to the grave. There are some things I will take to the grave. I've thought about, at least once a month, I think about the couple of things I'm planning on taking to the grave. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, but I ain't talking about them right now. So, yeah, I'm allowed privacy.
[2:44] Am I allowed privacy? Am I allowed the things that I don't talk about? Sure. You don't owe everyone everything all the the time no matter what i mean some things are just implicit and don't need to be made explicit like the guy who was talking about StefBot ai on sunday so if you are how old was she 50, uh no i think she was older than that oh maybe she wasn't right so if you're talking to let's say you're talking to a single mom and the single mom is 40 and she's got two kids by two different men Do you think she made some bad choices in the past? Yes, she did. So do you need her to unpack all of that? Nope. Right? You hope that she's learned from them, and you can ask questions to figure out if she's learned from them. But can you imagine if you have a sex tape, right? Imagine. Imagine you have a sex tape.
[3:42] And would you show it to a woman on the first date? Hey, I want to be honest. Honest, so here's the sex tape I have with the football team. She's been through a lot of dick, right? So here's the sex tape I made when I was our selected pirate monster of fleshy union. No, it's real. It's honest. It's true, right? I mean, do you call your wife in and say, wow, look at that dookie. It spells out dolphin in kanji. I'm not flushing this. This is a piece of atomic perfection that deserves to be in the Louvre. No, of course not, right?
[4:26] There's an old cartoon I remember reading, which was, if you're thinking about Raquel Welsh under a waterfall in the nude, and your wife comes in and says, what are you thinking about? You're allowed to have a little privacy. It's okay to have a bit of mystery in your life. You don't owe everyone everything all the time. now you if somebody says well tell me about your past dating stuff you can say you know i i had some good dates i had some bad dates i had some good relationships i had some not so good relationships i've learned my lessons and i really want to commit to the here and now i've done therapy i've done all the self-work so you're allowed what's wrong with that you don't have to answer everyone that's free free will people free will which means you are not a typewriter to be programmed by other people's preferences so you have to unpack your heart from the top to the bottom. Somebody says, do you have to name every dirty skin mag you ever read in a shop even when under 18? Does it matter 30 years later when you stopped looking decades ago? No. It's totally fine. See, philosophy is not supposed to program you into being an automaton. Well, someone has asked me a question. I'm committed to honesty. Therefore, I have to tell them.
[5:52] No, you don't. You can say, I really don't want to talk about that, if that's all right. That's honest, isn't it? Philosophy isn't there to... Well, you've got to be honest. So, you know, if someone you have a great deal of suspicion, you're really suspicious of them because they've got a really thick accent and they're asking you weird questions on the phone and then say, can I get your social security number? Well, I got to tell them because I know my social security number. They're asking for it. I got to tell them. Come on. Please, please, please. Please, please, please. Hey, where are my tips? Just kidding. I can wait.
[6:40] All right, we'll get them. I'm sure I'll find a way to earn them. How concerned should I be that if I broadcast what I'm looking for, that some women will successfully deceive me? Well, do you have bros watching your back? Do you have people not sexually attracted to the woman you're sexually attracted to, trying to tell you the truth about the woman? Because if you don't, you're in trouble. I'm in trouble. Hi, Stef. Are we morally... I remember those good old days when I could formulate an actual sentence. Good times. All right. Hi, Stef. Are we morally required to attend to people in a car crash if we come across them versus protecting myself or my children in the car from the trauma that might be experienced? Many thanks.
[7:30] Well, of course, when I was younger, I'd have given you one answer. Answer now i'm giving you another answer really uh yeah honestly uh if you only have two bucks i feel bad i feel absolutely wretched if you only have two bucks please don't send it to me because if it's your last two dollars you need to spend it on bus fare to get a job not on an online philosopher so please please please don't send me the two bucks it's just heartbreaking to me and and not good i really really feel bad about that and i don't have any way to refund it particularly easily in a live stream so yeah just do me a solid so um in general we have gone from a high trust society to a low trust society and that's been the result of people's specific choices in particular to do with voting okay so if people have voted to turn a relatively high high-trust society into a relatively low-trust society, then I feel much less obligated to help people in need.
[8:37] Right? So, for instance, when I was younger, if I saw a woman in trouble, and I can tell you this from absolutely specific examples. When I was younger, I lived right downtown, and I came out of my apartment building. I actually lived in one room with two other guys. Well, the apartment was three guys. I lived in one room. And I came down, and I walked across the street, and there was a big guy who was threatening a woman in a wheelchair. So I intervened. I told him to please back off and give her some space, and then I took her for dinner, because she looked hungry, and then she tried to chisel more money out of me, at which point I would say that my sympathy evaporated just a tiny bit. But I intervened. I intervened. I'm not entirely sure that I would do that now. In fact, I'm quite sure that I wouldn't. Because let's say that you're in Sweden, right? Let's say you're in Sweden, and in Sweden, a woman is getting harassed by some people who may not have been around in Sweden, say, 100 years ago or 50 years ago.
[9:59] Well um we no longer live in quite as high a trust to society and so i would not uh in particular be feel the same level of motivation, i am no longer of the opinion that we should do really much of anything to prevent people from experiencing the consequences of their own bad decisions. That's where I am in life as a whole, that I do not think that I'm going to spend a lot of effort to help people avoid the consequences of their own bad decisions.
[10:47] So, you are not, see, a lot of times now, people will send, they'll set up, not a lot of times, sometimes now, people will set up something that looks like a car crash, you stop to help them, and they jump you, and steal your wallet, your phone, your car, and maybe your kidney. Sorry, that's just the way things are these days. And that's the result of people's specific choices. And, of course, women have told me for decades and decades and decades, women have told me that masculinity is toxic, bad, patriarchy, male chauvinist, pig. How dare I treat a woman any differently from a man? Men and women are equal. Well, men don't add anything other than oppression and trauma, and we're just bad as a whole. You're just bad as a whole.
[11:54] And women can do absolutely everything that men can do. So the way that I operate in society is I generally treat women as if they're men, because that i was told to and i accept this i accept that this is what people want that they want me to be sex blind because i'm sex blind can't live without you so uh i was told to be sex blind and hey i i accept that that's what people want and it doesn't do me any harm in fact it makes my life considerably better to be sex blind i'm splendid so uh if if a woman is being harassed by a man, I treat her as if I would treat a man. Because, I mean, unless it's a relative or whatever it is, right? Family member. In which case, look out, harass her. But yeah, as some random stranger on the street, oh no, no, no, no. I would not want to impose my toxic masculinity on the empowered woman who can do everything a man can, so I'll treat her as a man.
[13:12] I accept what people are saying, right? Right? And so another example would be deplatforming, right? So the deplatforming, 95% of people can't go one website over. So, okay, so my philosophical analysis of current events in politics is not particularly important to them. Okay, good. Well, since it was coming at extreme risk to me, and it's not that important to them, hey, no thanks. Right then i won't do it it wasn't like it was a huge amount of fun to do i think i was pretty good at it but if people don't want philosophy then uh in politics in current events then i won't give them that right of course right i mean if you have uh i don't know booger spinach ice cream and no one orders it then you stop offering booger spinach ice cream right so no women have said that they don't need men, that men are unnecessary, that they can do everything that a man can do, that we're toxic, and so on. And you could say, yes, but not all women. And it's like, yeah, but they haven't, you know, really gone out much on the limb to oppose the women saying these things. And so, yeah, I mean, this is what you want. I will not impose any sex differences on society.
[14:38] It's like in the Jack Reacher movie where he says, remember, you wanted this. Yeah. A former close friend of mine who introduced me to you stopped listening to you because you didn't go all in on certain issues you spoke about previously after you were deplatformed. Right. Now, I tell you this, man, you know, this is phrase 2020 hindsight, 2020 hindsight. Oh, should have said this, right?
[15:15] And I very rarely get that because usually my brain cooks fairly well in the moment. And I don't often get that sort of wish I had said this, but I think it was it Sunday, the guy who was hassling me about, uh, uh, StefBot AI and controversial topics or whatever, right? So I could have just said, well, if you care about these controversial topics, show me where you've posted publicly under your own name about these controversial topics. And of course, if you haven't, then, right? So if your friend is like, well, Stef didn't go all in on controversial issues, it's like, well, has he published under his own name his particular perspective and opinion on these controversial topics? So if he hasn't, then he doesn't really care that much about it. And if he has, which he hasn't, then maybe he'd have some reason to critique. Stef, you should have done this. You should have done that. You know, and it's interesting because I never ever get that from people who've actually done shit.
[16:20] Right? The bitching about what I should and shouldn't have done, the people who bitch about that, are generally punk-ass cowards who've never done anything under their own name or taken any particular risk. In general. In general. I'm sure there are exceptions. But when the anonymous accounts say to me, Stef, you should have done this, that, and the other, it's like, oh, really? Listen, I'm phoning in from 1,400 miles away from the battlefield, but here's how I think you should fight.
[16:59] He actually posts under a fake name all day, every day on Twitter, whining about it. Yeah, well.
[17:06] Yeah, hey, Stef, go poke that bear while we go hide. Yeah.
[17:13] Yeah. Yeah, listen, I mean, here's the thing. So if people are mad at me about not talking about, I don't know, topic X, Y, or Z at the moment, if they're mad about me, I don't understand that. I mean, unless they're just manipulative cowards, in which case I do understand it, but I don't understand it. So if there's a huge market for a particular topic, and I'm not talking about it, that's a massive market opportunity. Right? What a massive, massive market opportunity. So let's say that, I'm going to use ice cream shop analogies, nothing related to my daughter's place of employment, it's just, you know, it's easier. So if there's a really hot town, I don't know, Florida, right, a really hot town, and there's only one ice cream store in that hot town, and it's right on the route of where people drive through and there's a big building shaped like a giant tasty freeze or whatever, right? And then some guy's like, I don't want to do ice cream anymore. And he just shuts up. He says, take me for free. You can have this building for free.
[18:37] And he just walks away. Boy, he just goes and wants to weave baskets in Bali or open up a snorkel shop in Belize, right? So now there's this big old empty ass ice cream store in a fantastic location in a hot place. And it's yours for the taking for free. You don't even have to pay.
[19:07] You know where I'm going with this, right? So let's say I stopped talking about certain topics. I walked away from the ice cream store. So why on earth are a thousand people bitching and whining and complaining and nagging me about going back and opening the ice cream store? It's right there. Open it. Do it. It's a market opportunity. If you think the ice cream store is incredibly essential, and it's super important that I I continue to run the ice cream store and I say, I'm not going to, you can go move into the fucking ice cream store and you can sell all the Slurpees you want. It's free. Take it on. Market opportunity. Go for it.
[19:55] No, no, no! I just want to trail after you and complain that you need to go back and open the ice cream store and you need the ice cream store. We need the ice cream store. You got to do the ice cream store. It's right there. go up in the fucking ice cream store and sell all of the chalk 99s that you want is right there what a market opportunity that would be for you it is for you i'm walking away from these topics go for it brother all yours but no i can't get an ice cream store you gotta do the ice cream store i don't do the ice cream so only cowards wouldn't do the ice cream that's how they sound honestly Honestly, they're like kamikaze mosquitoes burrowing into the bone marrow of my brain.
[20:42] They are funny, funny, funny. Thank you, Matt. They are funny. It's just so obvious, right? Well, Stef, you need to get back in the ring and talk about this. You need to go open that ice cream store again. It's right there, man. It's free. Yours for the taking. go for it go for it oh it's very very funny, Even anonymously, they won't do it. And yet they want me as a public, well-known person. I'm using my own name. The Anon accounts won't do it, but they want me.
[21:37] Yes, yes, yes. It's so, listen, I'm going to get a little bit X right now. A little bit X, a little bit X. It's in particular really pathetic and pitiful when men do it. Provoking other people to do your fights is not the most masculine of approaches to things in the world, you should do what I'm chicken to because otherwise you're a chicken, yes please tell me all about cowardice a non-account. It's great. Absolutely delightful. I do love that people do this kind of stuff. I really do. I really do. I just think it's delightful. All right, let's get back to your comments. How concerned should I be that if I broadcast what I'm looking for, that someone will successfully deceive me? Maybe we did that.
[23:01] How do I judge bad people? How do I judge if someone's bad? Well, would you like the answer to that? Hit me with a why if you'd like a 10-second answer to figure out if someone is good or bad.
[23:27] Death of interest. It appears to be. So the way you can find out someone is bad is you meet their friends and family and you realize that they cannot be better than the least quality of their relationships. They cannot be more virtuous than the most corrupt of their relationships. They cannot be a better person.
[23:51] Than their least moral relationship. That's it. That's it. It's as simple as that, which is why if you want quality people in your life you can't have trashy people in your life if you want good people in your life you can't have bad people in your life if you want to have people with integrity in your life you cannot have corrupt people in your life, because anybody with half an ounce of brains and a decent amount of integrity will simply look at your social circle and say oh okay if you're half surrounded by losers and trash people and manipulators and so on well, then that's, those are your values. This is nothing new, right? Judge a man by the company he keeps. This was an old saying when I was a kid. Judge a man by the company he keeps. Judge a person by the company. So if she's, you know, got these woo girls and old party and tequila and blah, blah, blah, it's like, okay, well, then you just have a bunch of addicts masquerading as sex symbols around you and that's who you are. That's who you are. It's absolutely... Simple. Absolutely simple to find these things.
[25:06] Absolutely simple. And this is why I keep telling people, have quality people around you. Because it's the seen versus the unseen. It's the seen versus the unseen. seen. You don't know how many people are passing you by because of the people in your life because you'll never see them. They'll see you from a distance, they'll evaluate for you from a distance or maybe they talk to you for a few minutes, you don't really notice anything and they are seeing deeply whether you're a good guy or a bad guy, have integrity or don't, whether you're willing to sacrifice virtue for the sake of social approval, or morality for loneliness, or whatever, right?
[25:59] So, you don't know. You don't know. You can't see him. You can't see him. You don't know how many people that you know. Somebody's saying, oh, you know, I need, a friend of mine's daughter is looking for a guy. Right? And they pass you over because you've got crappy people in your life. You don't know how many people are saying oh yeah bob really needs someone to take over his business and they never think of you or they bring you up and discard you because of bad habits bad people in your life you don't know how many people are talking about you and then passing you over because of the people in your life you don't know how many people are looking at your dating profiles heading on over to your Instagram or your Twitter and seeing who you post photos with and, they trash people. Right?
[27:09] Right? You don't know how many people pass you by or pass you over because you got trash planet around you like the orbiting rings of Saturn that no one can break breakthrough or nobody wants to break through or nobody's bothered to break through. Some woman finds you attractive on a dating app. She goes over to some social media platform. She finds you, she finds your parents, and your parents are publishing articles about how great it is that by God, some parents at least know how to discipline their kids.
[27:52] Or they find you interesting on instagram they go to some other place and they see you posting a bunch of pictures with a bunch of drunks, joe says there was a woman i liked and she was surrounded by trash friends i am no longer interested.
[28:17] You don't know, as a woman, how many men are interested in you. They head over to your Instagram page, and there you are, celebrating your friend's divorces. Oh, great, so I could start dating a woman, with a whole lot of divorced friends. Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Will not do it. Thank you, but no thanks. Thanks, I'm sorry, we're closed. Right? How many people pass you by and you don't even know it? Is having a social media account a green flag? I can see both sides for having or not having. I don't mean, it's fine, but just be aware. You have to look at your social media presence through the eyes of a virtuous person. Who's skeptical and has been burned and is looking for a good person, when they get to your social media account, are they finding someone of quality?
[29:34] Because are you going to sit there and try and engage in some battle with her friends? Like if, let's say, you're interested in some woman, she's just surrounded by you know trashy tardy tattooed divorced single mom friends and that's an extreme it could be any number or combination of these and other things okay are you going to start engaging in some big battle she's oh come meet my friends are you going to be a hypocrite or are you going to say i don't like him because then she's going to go and she's going to say, he doesn't even like my friends oh my oh girl you got it dump him oh dump him but you you know No, a woman's friends are everything. If he doesn't like your friends, he's a control freak. Very sad. All right. Any other thoughts, questions, issues, challenges, support, donations, don't forget. And don't forget, freedomandacom.com. slash donate, you get The Truth About the French Revolution.
[30:47] Here's another picture, says the woman, of me on a yacht. I'm traveling. Yes, we all know what you're riding to get from place to place. And it ain't a train. Or maybe it is a train. I don't know.
[31:11] All right, we have light questions today. Is it enough to approach women individually or would it be strongly advisable to also broadcast so they can find me? Oh my God. Man, talk to women. Talk to women. I was at a wedding this week and talked to some of the men there at the wedding and my advice was the same. Go talk to women. More than half of men, really, about half of men, don't talk to women. They don't ask women out. They don't talk to women. How many men go up and talk to women in public? You know, and it doesn't mean like you corner some woman, you just, you know, I remember being at a coffee shop, a woman's reading a book, I'm like, oh, I like that book, what do you think, right? And, you know, if she's like, I'm busy, or she just gives you short answers, just move on, that's fine, right? I have a boyfriend, hey, you know, just asking you about the book, but okay, right? So, if there's some woman that you, just say hi, oh, that's interesting, or, you Where are you coming from? I love that drink. Whatever, anything, right? And if she's a nice, reasonable woman, then she'll chat with you for a couple of minutes. Maybe she'll let slip that she has a boyfriend or whatever. That's fine, right? Just talk to women. Just talk to women.
[32:32] It's bizarre to me that you don't. Well, but men don't. It's like, that's great. That means there's less competition. It means there's less competition. And you're dealing with people whose testosterone levels appear to be inverted. They're actually stealing testosterone from the women around them. It's good talk to women. See, online dating, is hugely problematic because the woman gets to curate how she appears to you. She gets to curate that. She gets to go to just the right outfit and just the right lighting and the filters and the shot from the neck up if she's got a skinny face and a fat body. You don't see her height. You don't, right? so it's hugely curated it's like meeting a woman with your eyeballs pumped full of LSD we've all been there right we've all been there I've never been there.
[33:28] The problem with online dating is it's innately deceptive. It is innately deceptive. She could have a wig, a lot of makeup, a girdle, a body shaper. She could not tell you how tall she is. You're not going to see her posture. You're not going to see her eye contact. You're not going to see her demeanor as a whole. You're not going to get her vibe, her aura, the sense of who she is. It all gets processed deep down in the limbic brain. Deep down in the deep core lizard brain you're evaluating, real clearly. Whereas you talk to a woman in a coffee shop, has she got a sense of humor? Can she make eye contact? Is she hunched-shouldered and nervous and weird? Has she got some odd body shape that might indicate some dysmorphia or dysfunction in her mind? Talking to women, in public. And by that, again, I'm not talking, cornering anyone or talking to anyone who doesn't appear to be receptive, but, you know, hey, how you doing? It's really not that complicated.
[34:41] Oh, but it's scary. It's like, sure, yeah. Yep, absolutely. It's scary, sure. But that's a good sign, which means fewer other men are doing it, so you're going to win. God, I don't understand. Hey, how you doing? Just a smile. Maybe she's going to be cold. Maybe she's going to get up and storm out. Great. Then you just saved yourself time because she's not a nice person. A nice woman will exchange a few words with you. No problem. And then she may, I've got to finish this assignment. So sorry, it'd be nice chatting to you. She'll let you know that's a nice, well, you want a nice woman. You want a nice woman. Not some witch with a capital B who's going to make you feel this high for daring to talk to her majesty. Or some hyper-programmed feminist who sees every man as a rapist.
[35:40] So, yeah, you talk to a woman and that way you can filter out very quickly who's got any sense of politeness in decorum. who knows how to have a basic human interaction that's positive and friendly. So, yeah, just talk to girls. Half the dates that I had were just me talking to girls in public. They'd say, ah, Stef, but you're so sexy. Sexy. Yeah, I was a bald guy in my 20s.
[36:24] Yeah bookworms is good see a woman reading a book fantastic, fantastic yeah so a woman especially a woman reading fiction always been very attractive to me because reading fiction is how you learn empathy assuming you didn't necessarily get it as a kid and a lot of us didn't but reading fiction is how you get empathy it's how you do empathy it's how you get empathy, sure, secular approach sit in the coffee shop reading plato's take on the kamasutra too subtle maybe yes i can bend you like gumpy and take you to another dimension yeah maybe a little bit right.
[37:07] I also like these online meetup groups as someone i went to one for tennis and there were some nice fit women also runners meetups are great to meet fit women oh sports is king Man, sports is king. I don't know, like, all of the nants and losers have portrayed sports people as just dumb jocks and idiots. Like, no, that's just resentment. I get it. I get it, four eyes. It's just resentment. You can't throw a ball to save your life and your leg goes up whenever you try to run. One leg just cocks up every time you try to run. You can't run. You can't jump. You can't throw. You can't catch. I get that. You're physically awkward and you decided to run away from it. And so, but sports is life. Sports teaches you just about everything. How to compete hard and stay friends. How to follow rules, how to enforce rules. How to deal with people who go astray. How to work together as a team.
[38:08] How to give it your all without taking it personally. Sports is life. I'm talking really sort of like pick up sports or that kind of stuff, right? You know, I mean, I won a pickleball tournament not super long ago. And, you know, it's life. Sports is life. Sports is great. You've got physical coordination. You care about exercise. And also sports show that you're willing to suck for quite a while before becoming decent at anything. So you've got deferral of ratification. Sports is life. Sports is quality. And all of the propaganda of the past 40 or 50 fucking years, I mean, you need jocks, idiots, meatheads. Nope. That's just zetamil resentment at people who have not pushed through. Because of vanity, right? Vanity is the enemy of progress.
[39:12] I always talk to women when I'm looking at books at the thrift store today I talked to an older woman who happened to be an objective it's pretty cool well the problem is you're probably not going to meet a quality woman in a thrift store, I could not for the life of me imagine picking up a woman not that I'm any sort of standard but I could not for the life of me imagine picking up a woman in a thrift store.
[39:46] What would be wrong, about trying to pick up a woman in a thrift store? What would be unproductive about that, do you think? What would be the problem with that? Vanity is the enemy of forgiveness, too. No, I don't believe that. I don't believe that. That doesn't mean you're wrong. I'm just saying I don't believe it. No, the enemy of forgiveness is bullshit non-apologies. Well, I'm sorry that you got so upset. I wasn't trying to upset you. I wasn't trying to be mean. I'm sorry that you got so upset. Hey, I'm sorry if you can't take a joke. No, no, bullshit non-apologies are the enemy of forgiveness. Yeah, any woman, if you're a guy and you're in a thrift store, you're broke. You're broke. Now, that's one thing if you're a 20-year-old student. I get that. But it's like being caught on a bus after the age of 28. It's kind of shameful. Sorry, I'm just telling you like it is.
[40:49] Sure, I'd love to raise three children, but first I need to make sure I don't pay more than 50 cents for a book I want. It's like the ultimate anti-mating display. Don't talk to women in thrift stores. Well, the woman doesn't have to be rich. Yes, but she knows you're in a thrift store, right? Thank you, Durbin. She knows you're in a thrift store. You broke. Equality women don't want broke guys. Make some money. Do it. Make some money. Legally, of course, but make some money. My God. Thrift store. Vanity destroys people's ability to apologize. Yeah, sure. Lay in wait outside the thrift store. I'm not sure that the Bengal tiger trap approach to dating is quite what we're looking for here, James, but don't think I don't appreciate the input. Actually, I don't appreciate the input. Just kidding. All right. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Stef, did you see the popular Reddit post about a woman who told her husband he's not one night stand material the husband was distraught yeah, I did see that I did see that, let me see if I can find it.
[42:07] I think I did see that, but can I find it i cannot let me just see here uh oh but it was a it was a picture right so, no results for husband it's like women over 40 doing a search in the world if you can give me that i've got it somewhere but lord knows it's been a while so i don't have that to bookmark handy if you could give that to me a lot of women shop at thrift stores for fashion you're right Right, but they don't want to date a guy who's at a thrift store.
[42:53] Oh, dear. This lady was in her 70s and married, was not trying to date her. No, I understand that. You said she was an older woman. Men, by talking to women, did you mean only talking to women you could potentially date? If so, I was confused because you mentioned talking to women about books. What? I'm sorry, are you saying that you can only talk to women about books if you're not interested in dating them? No, I'm talking about talk to women that are interested in dating. Talk to women you find attractive. Hey, I exchanged three words with the elderly bus driver of East Asian descent. Well, aren't you the player?
[43:43] You see, you have to break the short-circuiting of, I like the girl, therefore I'm retarded. You know the male thing, right? I like the girl, therefore brain has left, blood has left brain and gone to penis.
[44:04] So you all know this as men, right? You like the girl, you feel retarded. it. It is an immediate, at least standard deviation and a half collapse in IQ. Like girl, lose brain. So you've got to get over that, which means you've just got to practice talking to girls that you find attractive so that you learn how to do it. It's like any other skill. You don't just pick up a tennis racket and know how to serve, right? I did in fact misunderstand you. I was overly focused on the book part. Thank you for clarifying. He mentioned books. And females. I talk to female in book place. It's the same. No, I was talking about women you want to date, right? Dating apps and all that, right? This is the realest thing ever. Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. Oh, it can't beat the girl. And it's terrible, of course, because the more attracted you are to the girl, the more retarded you become. Sure. It's nature's way of trying to protect you from getting your heart shredded. And it's a disaster, almost always. And it could be that you're just aiming too high, right? You're just aiming too high. Like you're going for some absolute monster goddess, and you're some, you know, broke guy with a pencil neck, right?
[45:33] But yeah, you understand that attractive women are surrounded by guys tripping over their own penises and drooling on their neckties. It's all attractive women see is guys going, and then passing out.
[46:08] That's all they see. They just see a whole bunch of idiots. Well, and the occasional sociopath who shows no fear. And sometimes they just have to, why is it that these attractive women ended up with these bad guys? It's like, because they're the only guys who will talk to them. Because you're too busy feeling insecure and not getting a great quality woman for your future kids. It's all about you. Dating, it's not about you. It's not about your ego. It's not about your vanity. It's not about making up for a bad childhood. It's not about getting the love that mommy never gave to you. It's not about trying to claw your way up through the social hierarchy. It's not about having a pretty piece of arm candy to show off. It's about none of that.
[46:51] Done. What is dating about? Is it about your ego? Is it about you feeling good about yourself? Is it about you getting higher status? Is it about you proving your sexual market value? What is dating for? Why would you talk to a young, attractive woman? What is dating for? Spoiler, it ain't about you. It is about your future children. Yeah, it's about your future children. Lust is when you serve your balls rather than their contents which is sperm for making future children that you want a wonderful woman to raise well, me me me me me me me me me me me me me me if you're approaching a woman in bad faith, what you want to see is you want to see a woman with a great sense of humor a good smile, a friendly affect not paranoid, not jumpy, not propagandized not, aggressive, nice friendly woman. Why? Because, because she's gonna raise your kids.
[48:02] You know, so if you're approaching a woman based upon lust, desire, thirst, and status and loneliness, then it's about you. And a quality woman will get that that's about you and will want you to be somewhere, orbiting Diemos or Phobos. You can choose.
[48:28] One of the first things that I thought about when I met the woman I've been now married to for 22 years, one of the first things I noticed or thought about was, man, she'd be a great mom, She's great with kids, she's very funny she's very patient, she's very kind, very thoughtful and a strong person, very moral, Man, she'd be a great mom and that's what sustains the love. Lust is unsustainable, because lust gets less as you go forward, right? Like all addictions, right? So lust gets you less because lust wears out. But virtue increases, right? So whatever you do in life, the longer you want the relationship to last, the more it has to be founded on virtue because virtue is the one thing that increases over the course of your life and if you hook your relationship into virtue you get more and more in love every day more and more in love every day whereas if it's just lust well we get old we get a little chunky we get uh infirm we get sick right so if it's just lust then you're, getting on a plane that's gonna go down get it plane go down lust anyway i'll diagram it later for donors.
[49:52] Thank you.
[49:58] So, one of the reasons that you get paralyzed when talking to girls is because you're talking to them for the wrong reason. You should be negotiating with a woman for the sake of your future children. Right? You should be negotiating with a woman for the sake of your future children and nothing else. All right. Reddit! Oh, I think I just got eye cancer. All right. My boyfriend and I are both 28 years old and together for two and a half years. Yesterday night we were drinking and one thing led to another and I tried to compliment him by saying he's not someone who I would hook up with or be friends with benefit with, but marry. I thought everything was fine, but he seemed extremely distraught after that. I realized how he understood it and tried to clarify, but he's still the same this morning. He told me he needs space to think for a while and left the house. All my friends tell me I messed up and guys tell me it's not a compliment and most men will understand it differently I think I destroyed our relationship and I'm panicking right now, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do do you know why the man was upset why was the man upset.
[51:25] Upset? Why was the man upset? Well, while I wait for your answers, has anyone, says Rallon, has anyone recently gone from hero to scapegoat in a relationship or seen someone else that has? I'm really getting scapegoated at the moment, right? So hero to scapegoat is just sticks and carrots. It's rewards and punishment. Well, if you do what I like, I'll hug you. And if you don't do what I like, you're a bad person. So here at a scapegoat is a manipulative technique that says, do what I like and I'll reward you. Do what I don't like and I'll punish you. So you're being trained like a puppy. You're not being treated like a man. She basically called him a corny baiter. She called the man ugly. You're saying you're not physically desiring him.
[52:22] Right. So, but why would we, why would we as men be programmed to be upset by this? As a man, why would we have, and it's been pretty universal, why would we have this automatic reaction? I could bring all the psychological stuff, but think about the genes. Think about the genes. Think about the genes.
[52:59] What is dangerous? She's willing to give the price to another man within a few hours. However, since you're a great man, you'll have to work for the price. I don't think that's it. No, but she didn't say how long she took to sleep with him because she is just there to get money. So it means that there's, she has a bifurcation between the heart and the loins. So she's saying that she would totally fuck a guy right away if she found him sexy enough but that has nothing to do with who she'll marry. And what that means is that her heart and her loins are completely at odds with each other. And what that means is she's going to have an affair. Because she's saying, you don't turn me on that way. Right? It is the equivalent of the Madonna whore complex that a man wants to have sex with a woman and he wants her to enjoy the sex, but if she enjoys the sex, she's a whore and he's no longer attracted to her.
[54:21] So, she's saying that the guys I really want to have sex with and you are not in the same category. You are not in the category of guys I really want to have sex with. So what's she there for then? Well, she's there for husband. She's there, as you say, for resources. She's there for stability. She's there because she can't get the fuckboys anymore. Maybe she's there for that. Maybe she's because she's like, she's 28, right? So maybe all the hot guys she wants to have sex with and now going for the 22-year-olds.
[55:04] So, yeah, the reason that he's upset about it is she's signaling she's going to have an affair. So she's saying, I'm not sexually attracted enough to you to have sex with you quickly. So I'm not that sexually attracted to you, but I sure know what it is to be sexually attracted to other men. That I know. So I'm willing to put up with you for some X, Y, Z reason that has nothing to do with sexiness. But man, am I ever going to remember what it's like to just rip someone's clothes off and bang them like a T-Rex gong, right?
[55:50] So he's probably concerned that she's going to be having sex with him but thinking about some fuckboy, right? So she's not sexually pair bonded with him and she's going to get dissatisfied with him because he doesn't scratch that itch and then she's going to go elsewhere, and then she's going to pass off a kid as his that would be my guess because there's usually like whether there's a very strong emotional reaction, usually genes are involved just just so you know there's usually some gene like why would he get so why would men as a whole be so upset right why would the women be like well it's a compliment and the men would be like it's really not because the woman always knows the child is his but the man doesn't so if the woman is not sexually attracted to him in the way that she is to other men she's going to miss it she's going to want to get that itch scratched so she's going to go and have an affair which which means he may end up raising another man's kids, which is a complete disaster for a man.
[57:01] Absolute, one of the worst things that can happen to a man is to raise another man's child without his knowledge. That is one of the most catastrophic things that can happen to a man. There's almost no equivalent for women. And the fact that women don't understand this means that, see, it has been probably 80 years or 90 years since women have even thought about trying to understand the male perspective. I mean, I write about this in my novel, The Present, which if you haven't read, my God, what are you doing? Honestly, stop listening to this and go listen to my novel, The Present, which is a huge cry in parts, a lot of things in that book. One of the huge cries in that book is, for God's sakes, can we try and empathize with men a tiny, tiny little bit? Women are like, well, it's incomprehensible to me. I'm saying I want you to be my husband. It's like, yes. And you're saying that the most sexy guys are not your husband.
[58:00] The most sexy guys are not your husband, which means, I'm not sexy enough for you to stay monogamous, which means I'm going to end up raising another man's kid. I mean, biologically, right? So whenever you see a big difference between men and women, just look at the genetic strategy, right? Just look at that. A woman who has a steady provider and a hot guy on the side is living the dream, in a way, right?
[58:32] So for them it's like yeah what's wrong with that right but they don't think about it from the man's perspective right it's very hard because, women have really been trained out of trying to have empathy for men it's really really sad it's really tragic, to try and look at it from the man's perspective, right.
[59:04] It means she's there for the resources and the stability, not for the sex appeal. And that means the man's genetic legacy is hugely at risk. All right. Question from a young lady. Hi, Stef. Ever since I've become a mom last year, I can't help but feel resentment towards my husband. Ever since I stopped working and decided to be a stay-at-home mom, I am somewhat jealous of my husband's life. He has a fancy, high-status job and often goes on business trips in five-star hotels, despite an average income, while I'm at home mostly alone with our baby, up all night, never done with the household. How do I overcome my jealousy and the feeling of longing for status?
[59:53] Hmm. That is a very interesting question. That is a very interesting question, and I appreciate you bringing that up. I'm trying to think of the best angle of attack, just like on my honeymoon. I'm trying to think of the best angle of attack for this. It's a very big and deep and complicated question. Come on, people. A donation or two would not slaughter thy wallet. At freedomain.com slash donate or you can donate right here in the app, on Locals or on the app on Rumble.
[1:00:39] All right. Average income. Why does he have a fancy high-status job going on business trips in five-star hotels while only having an average income? Maybe I don't understand that.
[1:01:13] You don't have to tell me exactly what he does. But a fancy high-status job, business trips in five-star hotels, usually means high income, or good income for sure. So if you can just help me to understand that, I would really, really appreciate it. And I'm sorry to just pause here for a sec while that comes cooking in. Obviously it's a little bit easier when it comes to, it's a little bit easier when it comes to call-in shows because I can just ask this directly but I need a bit of an answer to that because I'm not sure how he gets all of these benefits, without good pay I mean I've had the job where you go to five-star hotels and so on.
[1:02:11] But somebody says says, I wish your novel, The Present, could have been the average high schooler's reader list. So many teens would learn so much, although the writing is very, is definitely adult. I don't know. Joe, don't do that. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Don't do that. Don't do that. That is just, that's cruel, mean, vicious, and underhanded. Don't do that. Don't do that. That's absolutely wrong. Absolutely the wrong thing to do. Thank you for the donation, Adam. Adam, I appreciate that.
[1:02:46] All right, is she here? I don't know if people are typing or not, but I can't really continue without it. And the reason I need to know that is, if he's making a lot of money, then just hire some help. If he's making a lot of money, then get a maid to come in. If he's making a lot of money, have someone come do the laundry. If he's making a lot of money, then pay for help with raising the kids and running the household. That would take down your resentment, right? So I don't know why he's away doing all this fancy schmancy stuff without, without much income. This is odd to me. All right. Are we getting something here? I just want to make sure.
[1:03:48] Um so if you get labor-saving devices because of your husband's income right so let's say you have you know pretty decent washer dryers and dishwashers and fridges and freezers and like because your husband's making money you get a bunch of labor-saving devices then you should Look not at the work you have to do, but at the work you don't have to do. Like so much of life and happiness is about looking at the things that you have rather than the things you don't have.
[1:04:26] Kyra says donated 75 bucks at FDR. Let's effing go. Come on, people. 5,000 plus. Podcast, multiple books, risked his life in Hong Kong, stood up to the EU parliament, has multiple employees that have to eat too. Help out, Stef and the boys, please. Thank you. I could not have put it better myself and I quite, quite, quite agree. All right. I don't even know if she's here anymore. Why aren't you answering the question? I'm going to ask you a complicated question and then ghost you. And then ghost you. Excellent. All right. Well, I'm going to just have to plow on. I don't know where you've gone. I've given you a couple of minutes to respond. So if your husband's making decent money and you get to stay home, you can sit there and say, I can't believe I have so much work to do. Or you can say, thank goodness I have all of these labor-saving devices and a husband who loves me enough to work for me to stay home and spend time with my wonderful children. He just started the job, doesn't have much experience yet. He makes $100,000 a year, which is okay, but not enough to hire help. We live in an expensive country. He makes $100,000, which is okay.
[1:05:44] Is there such thing as an expensive country? I mean, all countries have expensive and less expensive places, don't they? I mean, $100,000 U.S.? I assume you're putting that in U.S. dollars. What is that? Let's see. I don't know what the exchange rate is. So that's almost $136,000 Canadian. I'm just going to go with Canadian, right? So that's $11,320.20, $11,320 a month.
[1:06:31] Having a little bit of a tough time. Finland and Norway are pretty expensive. Sweden too, I guess, since the average tax rate is around and above 50%. Well, that's Switzerland. Okay. All right. House. Cheapest houses in Switzerland. I'm just, this is just for me. This is just for me.
[1:07:06] All right. The cheapest localities to buy a house in Switzerland are Rebevelje, with a median price per meter squared at CHF 1872. Okay, that's just not even in English. All right. Let's see here. All right. Quiet and spacious, five and a half rooms, 160 square meters, 3,000... $108. Quiet and sunny with open views, a chalet, 40 square meters, $63,000 Canadian dollars. House for sale in Lausanne, Switzerland, $88,964. Sunny, quiet location, chalet with three rooms, $95,000. Interesting. Rustic house in Saraville, four rooms, 70 square meters, $119,000. All right. Quiet Among Nature, Erygma Chalet, $141,000. It doesn't look wildly different from Canada. It doesn't look wildly different from Canada. But, um, price. Okay, let's say, what can we get for $400,000? What can we get for $400,000 in Switzerland?
[1:08:32] These are all ones I've seen before, but we shall find more. Let's see, can we just do a sort here? Filters. No, don't want any of that. I'm just wondering, can I sort by price? Expensive first. Okay, so what do we get for 400,000 in Switzerland?
[1:08:54] Two and a half rooms, 398,000. Overlooking landscape, chalet, 398,000. And Mayen with barn on three small plots, 398,000. Farm to renovate with nice potential, 398,000. Brand new house in the center of the village of Allais. That's rough, yeah. Two rooms, one bedroom, one bath. 380, okay. I'm just going to go to one other last thing. Let's say, let's go to 650. And we'll go most expensive first. Yeah, so I just want to make sure I understand. I just want to make sure I understand. Four and a half rooms. 637,000. Yeah, okay. Oh, that's nice. 637,000. So yeah, it doesn't... 10 rooms. Wow, 10 rooms. 104 meters squared. That's 637,000. So, okay. I just wanted to get some sort of sense of that.
[1:10:01] I'm not a woman, but I can see how a husband being on constant business trips would be a bit of a downer. Did he have the job when you met him? Yeah, 143,000 Canadian, yeah. Stef, last night my son was born, a happy and healthy baby. Thank you for all that you do. I wouldn't have gotten to this point in my life without listening to you and applying the principles you espouse and putting in the work. Thank you, and will donate when I get a wink of sleep. God bless. I appreciate that. I would like you to take that donation and buy something nice for your wife or your son. Congratulations. I appreciate that. That is super kind. Your donation is becoming a father and being a peaceful parent. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Congratulations. Um okay so i'm not saying get a live-in maid or a live-in nanny uh let's see here uh hourly maid prices switzerland.
[1:11:03] All right how much should you charge for cleaning services in switzerland land please god give it to me it's something that's not francophonic let's get it francophonic, uh oh god all right so you can get chf i'm gonna go chf to cad i just want to make sure i understand sand, right? CHF, CAD. All right. Oops. No, no, no, no, no. CAD. Thank you very much. All right. So let's see about 150. So for $239, you can get a three hour clean. So three hour clean is quite a long time. You can get a lot of stuff done in three hours. So, I mean, you help your husband with his job, so he should help you with being at home. So, I know these are sort of practical things, but I just want to sort of make sure I understand that, right?
[1:12:18] Now, how often is he going on these trips? And is there any chance you can go with him? Is there any chance you can go with him? Right? Wouldn't it be nicer to be in a hotel? The hotel room's already paid for. So if he's in a hotel room why not just go to that hotel room and uh you know hang out maybe order some room service and uh you know go down to the pool and and all kinds of fun stuff so is there any chance that you can go on the business trip with him to sort sort it out that way, now it's switzerland pardon me so i assume that if it's within switzerland you can get there by train so you can go on the train trip with him and so on and then you get a nice free hotel room and maybe that's something you could do we are saving for a house though, right.
[1:13:15] So then i don't have any sympathy sorry i'm sorry my sympathy just completely dried up my apologies i could be totally wrong but if you want to save for a house then you're gonna have have to do housework. Am I missing something here? It's like saying, well, I really, really, I borrowed a lot of money, Stef. I'm really upset that I have to pay it back. It's like, but you borrowed the money. Once a month, no chance going with him. No families allowed. Okay. So he goes away once a month. And how long does he go away for? Once a month, how long does he go away for a week? How long does he go away for? But if you want to start a new job and have children and save for a house at the same time then your life's gonna suck i mean you gotta mix up your variables people you can't do it all at once.
[1:14:13] So, you got kids, your husband started a new job, and you're saving for a house. Well, you can't go with him. You can't afford stuff in to get help. So, you are, because you're saving for a house, so you can't afford a maid, I guess, right? So, then, yeah. Then, if this is a choice that you've made. So resentment is when we make a choice and then we get mad at the effects of that choice right that generally is what resentment is right like if you choose not to exercise, and then you pull a muscle running up the stairs you resent that oh man right but the resentment is well you chose to pull the muscle by not exercising right if you choose to live in a a monogamous married relationship and you say well I resent the fact that I can't go sleep around it's like but you made that choice right the best way to avoid resentment is to own your choices.
[1:15:15] Right isn't that the best way to avoid resentment so if you say well my husband starts a new job he's got to work really hard, he goes away once a month and I can't afford any help around the house because we're also saving for a house you can't afford if you're in an apartment or something like that well you can't, then you are upset at the results of your choices. And to be upset at the results of your choices is a very bizarre position to me. Right?
[1:15:54] Like, I chose to talk about controversial topics, and I got deplatformed. Okay, what am I going to get, mad? Worth it for me because remember I got a 500 year plus business plan I'm like an ancient Chinese emperor so I don't want to be approved of in the present, I want to be important in the future and being important in the future as a philosopher means you have to accept condemnation in the present, now it's I don't want to I'm going to be dead what is it going to matter whether I'm important it won't matter to me at all I'll be dust for worms centuries before, but it means that philosophy would say, my God, how could he have predicted all of these things? How could he have been right about all of these things? Philosophy must have strange power. Because now the world is catching up to all the shit I was talking about 15 years ago.
[1:16:53] I mean, all the people who get frustrated about being overweight, it's like, but you eat a lot and you don't exercise. Why are you mad? Why are you mad? Why are you frustrated? This is the inevitable result of your own choices.
[1:17:06] Well, you know, I chose to play video games, stay home and never talk to girls. And now I don't have much of a job and I don't have a girlfriend. Well, I don't understand why people think you can make the choices without choosing the consequences. That's what I don't understand. This is like a fundamentally confusing thing for me. You chose to have kids. I guess your husband doesn't make enough. He has to go on these business trips, and you resent him despite the fact that he's paying all the bills. You live in a first-world country. There's no war. You have all the labor-saving devices known to man. You've got a husband who takes care of you and keeps you in the lap of luxury. You're saving for a house, and you're unhappy.
[1:17:51] Man that takes some work I would like to think of you going back say 500 years it's just 500 years it could be 100 years it could even be 50 go back 500 years and explain to your ancestors how tough your life is oh my gosh, I mean I've got vacuum cleaners I've got Roombas I've got great mops I've got washing machines drying machines I don't have to put my I don't have to scrub my laundry by hand I just turn on taps. I get hot and cold running water. I get all the electricity I could possibly get a hold of. I've got all of human knowledge sitting in my back pocket.
[1:18:31] But I resent things.
[1:18:38] Come on. I have been deplatformed. As far as potent philosophers go, I have the best fucking deal in human history. I have, and I'm not trying to make this about me, I'm just telling you how to have the attitude of gratitude. Happiness is nothing more or less than the things in life you're willing to be grateful for. Happiness is nothing more or less than the things in life you're willing to be grateful for.
[1:19:22] Women used to work 16 to 18 hours a day, because they didn't have freezes or fridges or hot and cold running water or laundry machines, or space heaters or air conditioning or lawnmowers, and you have all the labor-saving devices known to man and you have a husband who pays all your bills and you have healthy children and you and your husband are in great health. Well, man, if you can't be grateful to this, I shudder to think what's going to happen when you age out, baby. Shudder to think what's going to happen when you age out. Maybe it's just a post-cancer thing, or maybe that just kind of changed my biology or something like that.
[1:20:19] Aren't we incredibly fortunate to be alive in the time that we are? Aren't we incredibly fortunate to be alive in the time that we are? I managed to skate through to my late 50s, never got conscripted for a war. Do you know how rare that is throughout human history? I had an ankylosed tooth. In other words, when I was a kid, my tooth never separated from my jawbone. I had to get that torn out, chipped away. You know, 75 years ago, I probably would have died. Think about the infections you get that could have killed you in the past, that you just take a couple of pills and you're fine. Think about anesthetic. Think about nitrous oxide. Think about laughing gas at the dentist. Think about supplements. Think about aspirin. Just think about going back 200 years, living a week. You'd come back into your life and you'd never ever have the urge to be ungrateful or unhappy again.
[1:21:48] If you are missing companionship and you feel isolated and lonely, I could be more rude, but I'd be nice because, you know, you're a new mom and I appreciate that and it's tough, I understand. But if you are unhappy because you feel isolated, then, organize a group to get together with, organize a group to get together with have cleaning parties I'm not kidding about this, say I can't take it I can't take doing my house all the time so have cleaning parties bring your kids over let them play while you clean each other's houses all together, right? You ever seen dental equipment from 1900? Yeah, I mean, many years ago I read a biography of Charles Dickens, and of course he was training to be a doctor, and then he saw one bowel operation on a boy, and he threw up, passed out, and was never going to be a doctor again, because the only thing they had back then was alcohol.
[1:23:08] Go read about the Civil War or the First World War. I mean, one of the things that makes me eternally grateful for the life that I have is as a kid reading about the First World War. And I'm not saying never be unhappy, but are you as grateful for all that you have as you are unhappy for that which you miss? You know, if somebody were to give you a billion dollars tomorrow, you'd be absolutely thrilled. And if in a year from now you had a disease that was going to kill you and you had to give up a billion dollars in order to survive you would give that billion dollars up in order to survive which means good health is worth a billion dollars at least because you go to some old guy or some guy who's dying who's a billionaire and say i can make you well for a billion dollars he'd be like take it all take it all take it all take 10 billion i don't care take it all just give me my health so So every day that you have health, you have an infinity of money, just by breathing.
[1:24:22] If you cannot be grateful for all that modernity provides you, you make your ancestors cry. And your life would be incomprehensible to them or your complaints about your life would be incomprehensible to them. You say, I can't help but feel resentment towards my husband. Of course you can. Resentment is a choice. It is a choice. It is a willed state of mind. Look, if somebody, Laurence Olivier, marathon man style, decides to blacken Decker through your incisors, you're going to feel massive amounts of pain because somebody just drilled through your tooth. Resentment is a state of mind. Resentment is a choice. It is a perspective.
[1:25:29] Ever since I stopped working and decided to be a stay-at-home mom, I'm somewhat jealous of my husband's life. I'm at home, mostly alone with our baby. Why are you alone? Why are you alone? You've got the internet to find people in the neighborhood, in the region, in the environment. Go, and maybe you have to meet 10 people before, or 20 people before you find someone that you want to be friends with. Make friends. Build a community. Do something. Sit there and stew in your resentment. resentment, my God, you're not paralyzed. You're not in an iron lung. You're not in a coma. If you want something in your life, go make it. Make it. If you're tired of being alone, make a community. If you're tired of being lonely, talk to a woman. If you don't have friends around, make some friends.
[1:26:24] But you have fallen down the infinite well of passivity, she says i'm not unhappy or ungrateful for how much he makes it's more the loneliness we left her home country croatia and expected at least some companionship here but you're right i should be more grateful okay leaving your home country croatia is a choice moving to a new country is going to necessarily involve having to regrow friendships. You are aware of that. You're a very intelligent woman. I put every listener here in the top 1%. You're a very intelligent woman. You absolutely had to understand that moving to a new country was going to require you put out a fair bit of effort in order to recreate a social circle. You left your family. You left your friends. You left your work. So you know when you do that, you're going to have to remake some relationships, and what have you done?
[1:27:19] To make new relationships and solve the problem of isolation. Because you understand, once you're 18 and one second years old, it is no one's goddamn job to solve your problems. It is no one's job to solve your problems once you're 18 and one second old. You follow? If you're lonely, nobody has to fix that for you. If you're broke, nobody has to fix it for you. If you're unsatisfied, depressed, anxious, it's no one's job to fix that for you. And you know that because if you're lonely, you don't sit there and say, well, my best thing, I have to go to my neighbors and see if they're lonely and fix their loneliness. You don't do that. You sit and stew in being lonely. You're not out there solving other people's problems of loneliness, just as they're not out there solving your problems of loneliness. Everything you have as an adult, you have to earn. That's how you know you're an adult and not a toddler. I say this with emphasis, not with any aggression.
[1:28:46] Nobody owes you companionship, or money, or satisfaction, or happiness, or relief from depression, or anxiety, or stress, or poverty. Nobody owes you these. Nobody owes you health care. Nobody owes... You have to earn these things. If you sit at home upset with your problems and refuse to solve them, you are simply recreating a broken, isolated, lonely, and neglected childhood. As a child, you could not solve your problems. Therefore, all the problems you fail to solve, as a child, you could not solve your problems. Therefore, all the problems you fail to solve keep you a child, mentally. Not many stay-at-home moms here. No, right, right, right. Right, so you chose to move to a place without a lot of stay-at-home moms, right? All right, percent stay at, sorry, I've got to type past these microphones.
[1:30:06] Percent stay-at-home mom, Switzerland. All right.
[1:30:25] Let's see. 82% of mothers in Switzerland were economically active. So that just means they have part-time jobs, right? Fewer than one in five mothers living with a partner whose children are between 15 and 24 work full-time.
[1:30:54] All right, so let's see here. Bum, bum, bum. 1.5 children per woman. Oh, my gosh. Just wretched. So, fully a fifth of mothers in Switzerland are full-time stay-at-home mothers. So, 20%, and very few of them, Sorry, a lot of them work part-time. One in five is home full-time. So you just got to find them. Just got to find them. And if you choose not to, that's fine. You don't have to. But if you choose not to make friends, there's no point complaining about being lonely. I mean, if I were your husband, I would be like, yeah, I sympathize. So what are you going to do about it? Yeah, that's tough. What are you going to do about it? It can't be my job. I already have a job called paying for the entire household.
[1:32:02] What do I think of Camus, Albert Camus, specifically the myth of Sisyphus? Yeah, well, Albert Camus was a student exploiting creep. It's just awful. And so the myth of Sisyphus is sort of a famous French book published in the Second World War. And the idea is that there was a I'm really going off sketchy memory here but this was a, Sisyphus was an ancient Greek demigod or something and he took death and put death in chains so human beings didn't have to die, and after they finally captured Sisyphus after death was released they said that he had to roll a rock up a hill for eternity and every time he got, to every time that the rock got to the top of the hill it would roll back down again.
[1:33:24] And the idea is that, well, we have these useless lives of repetition, but we still have to find meaning in it as a whole. So I think Camus is mostly bullshit. Let me just make sure I've got my thoughts correctly. Correctly. So, let's see here.
[1:34:00] So, the French intellectuals tended to be left libertarian, which means that uh camus uh it's probably pretty pretty gross as a whole now he wouldn't have the famous letter in 1977 along with like jean-paul sartre derrida and other intellectuals foucault who was an absolutely repulsive absolutely repulsive human being on every conceivable level they signed this we want to decriminalize all quote consensual sexual relations between adults and minors below the age of 15 just absolutely horrendous, absolutely horrendous I enjoyed Le Tranché La Peste, The Plague and so on was great books and all of that but yeah he was pretty.
[1:35:04] Pretty gross as a whole, not as gross as some of the other French intellectuals, but let me just make sure I have this correct as well.
[1:35:34] Anyway, did he come up with objective morality? No, he just came up with angsty existential teen despair justifications, so it was pretty gross. All right, let's see here. Would you agree with the Neil Strauss quote, unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments? I could go some way along down that road. My partner is a stay-at-home mom in New Zealand. Almost everyone we know either have no kids or go back to work after one year. Her biggest issue is a lack of other stay-at-home moms. So you moved to where the stay-at-home moms are. You move to where the stay-at-home moms are. I mean, honestly, maybe you're talking to the wrong guy, and I'm sorry if I'm being unsympathetic, but if you can solve a problem, solve it. If you can't solve it, live with it.
[1:36:37] Right? If you can solve a problem, solve it. And if you can't solve it, live with it. Does this make sense? I mean, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but isn't this just a basic fact of life? If you can solve a problem, solve it, and if you can't solve it, accept it and live with it.
[1:37:24] And you have to divide the problems and dissatisfactions in your life into three categories. Can I fix it? Is it beyond my control? Can I fix it? Is it beyond my control? If it's beyond your control, you have to learn to live with it. I mean, you don't have to, but then you're just getting mad at gravity or aging or whatever it is, right? Can I fix it? Is it beyond my control? control now the other is can i fix it will i fix it will i not fix it will i fix it fix it if you choose not to fix it which is fine like i'm bald right is it beyond my control no i could get uh i have lots of hair you know side and back i'm a good candidate for hair transplants they could just take some hair and i could move it up here and then i'd have hair and whatever right i could elon musk right whatever right so it is a problem that if it if you view it as a problem being bald is a problem I could fix. I could get some money, I could pay a hair transplant surgeon, and I could get hair moved. I don't have this tiny little strip of hair back there, right? There's a fair amount of hair back there. I could just have some of it moved to the front, and then I have hair. And I have hair for the rest of my life, and I don't have to worry about losing it ever and ever in our man, right?
[1:38:44] But I'm not going to. I don't want to, and I won't. It's a waste of money. It's an indication that there's something wrong with being bald when there is not and my wife prefers me bald people are like, oh you should, you know you're not the one, I guess.
[1:39:08] So that's all. Now, if you're overweight, can you solve it? Yes. If you choose not to solve it, then you just have to live with it. But to have a problem you complain about that you could solve but choose not to solve, I do not accept that anywhere in my life, in my self. And look, we're all tempted. We all do it. I'm not walking on water here. I'm just telling you that this is the way things are. This is the way things are. With the people in my life, and myself, the people in my life, I'll give you two or three times to complain about something. I will, because, you know, I care and I certainly complain. So I'll give you two or three times to complain about something, and I'll say, okay, can you fix it? No. Then you have to live with it. What's the point of complaining about something you can't fix? Do you hear me complaining about aging? Nope. I mean, I had cancer 12 years ago. Every day is a gift. Do you hear me bitching about deplatforming? Nope. I'm actually grateful for the deplatforming.
[1:40:34] So we all have complaints. I understand that. And I'll listen to it two or three times. I will. With sympathy. You know, big hug. That's tough. I understand. Big sympathies. For sure. Absolutely. Are you going to do anything about it? Well, I can't. Okay. Then you're going to have to. I don't want to hear about you complaining about something that you can't change. That's. You just have to find a way to accept it. For the sake of reality. Now, if somebody says, I'm unhappy about something and I want to change it, great. If you're unhappy about something and you don't want to change it, do you hear me complaining about being bald? Nope. What are you looking forward to the most when you become a grandfather? All of it. All of it. All of it. I'm looking forward to multiple kids hopefully if my daughter decides to have multiple kids my daughter and whoever she marries be lovely.
[1:41:45] Yeah we could only have one but being around a family with more than one would be great I'm also just looking forward to seeing how a quarter of my genes play out interesting, so So if somebody says, I want to change something, then I'll give them a little bit of time to change something. And if they don't change something, I don't want to hear about it. I won't indulge that. It's toxic. It's wrong. It's unhealthy. It's weird. Isn't it? If somebody complains about something repeatedly, that they could change but choose not to, why are you complaining about it? You don't really care about it that much, otherwise you would have changed. Right?
[1:42:33] It really bothers me look if you can change it and it doesn't bother you enough to change, then clearly it doesn't bother you that much right, clearly, it doesn't, bother you that much. And so if it doesn't bother you that much, I don't want to hear about complaints because it's just false. Complaining is a way of stealing the bone marrow, soul juice and life energy of others.
[1:43:39] I want to see if I missed anything here. So listen, I sympathize. I really do. I sympathize with the isolation and the feeling of resentment, and I sympathize with the loneliness. So I'm not trying to say I'm not sympathetic. I am sympathetic. I really am. I'm so sympathetic that I expect you to do something about it. But if you're not going to do anything about it, it's clearly not that important to you. If you want to save for a house rather than pay for someone to help you with housework, then clearly you prefer doing the housework. So why would you complain about something you've chosen to do? You could take some of the money you're using to save for a house, and you could use it to pay for help around the house. You choose not to. You choose to save for a house rather than getting help with housework. So then if you complain about an excess of housework, I don't fundamentally understand it.
[1:44:52] I mean it's like me choosing to go to the gym and then complaining that I'm not also at a disco and I'm also not watching a movie and I'm also not napping and I'm also not learning how to do cartwheels and getting a massage, it's like but you chose to go to the gym and if you chose to go to the gym clearly that's your highest priority so complaining that, something that is of lower priority for you is not happening, is confusing to me.
[1:45:30] Hopefully this makes sense. This isn't too obscure. But am I going to spend this live stream complaining that I'm not learning Taekwondo? It's like I've chosen to do the live stream, which means I'm not learning Taekwondo. Nobody forced me to do the live stream I've chosen to do the live stream, therefore I'm not learning Taekwondo why on earth would I spend the live stream complaining that I'm not learning Taekwondo if I really want to learn Taekwondo more than I want to do the live stream I would cancel the live stream and go, do the learning of Taekwondo.
[1:46:12] So if you choose to save for a house rather than get help with your housework, I personally don't think that's a good idea, but I'm not you. I'm not going to tell other people what their priorities should be outside of the non-aggression principle. So if you choose to save for a house rather than getting help with the housework, I don't know why you would complain about the amount of housework. That's a choice. If you say, I'm kind of lonely here, and you chose to move countries, I don't understand. You chose to let go of family and friendships, both family, immediate family, extended family, friendships, and you chose to move to a new country and raise your child alone. So I'm a little confused as to why you would complain about the inevitable result of your own choices.
[1:47:04] And maybe i'm missing something obvious and i'm maybe i'll need to retract all of this and and maybe there's something that i haven't thought of which i'm obviously happy to hear about but i can't tell you how relaxing and happy and pleasant it is to just say yep these are the results of my choices i'm not going to complain about the results of my choices i remember reading this from Friedrich Nietzsche like 40 years ago. Never leave your actions in the lurch. Never leave your actions in the lurch. I chose to talk about controversial issues. I had a countdown to deplatforming. I don't complain about it.
[1:47:56] Yeah, you chose to go to Chinatown to eat. You complain about the lack of Italian dishes. Like once you take away from yourself the right to whine, the right to bitch about things, your life is so much happier. It's so much, it's almost infinitely better. I'm trying to take from you the most dangerous drug of complaining, of resenting, of dissatisfaction, of malaise, of frustration. Choose the actions, choose the consequences.
[1:48:30] I'm really trying to get across to you how wonderful your life can be if you simply accept the consequences of your own choices. So you chose to move to a new country. You chose to save for a house. You chose not to get help. You chose not to join a stay-at-home moms group you chose not to go and introduce yourself to your neighbors and say i'm going to be home all day i'm new to the neighborhood, is there any social thing that's happening you chose not to invite all of your neighbors over for a potluck when you moved into the neighborhood you chose and i'm not complaining about any of this. I'm simply saying that this is the facts. You chose to move to a new place. You chose not to make new friends. You choose to save for a house rather than spend money getting help in your housework. So then you feel isolated and the housework seems overwhelming. Sure.
[1:49:37] But if you want that to change, you have to make different choices. You can't just rearrange your mental furniture like it's just a voluntary world thing. If you want to change how you feel, change your decisions.
[1:49:56] If you want to change your mental state, change the choices you make. There's no secret, there's no mystery, there's no magic to it at all. I try I don't always succeed but I try not to complain about my life because I genuinely believe that I have the greatest life on earth, I really do and I thank you guys for this every day in my mind and almost every time I do a show I absolutely thank you guys for giving me the greatest life in human existence I am immensely, deeply, humbly grateful for your support. Freedomain.com slash donate. Pleased to help out the show. What do we get, seven bucks tonight on... On locals? That's fine. But if I can get across to you, that your life is the result of your choices. If you don't like your life, make different choices. If you don't want to make different choices, accept your life.
[1:51:04] Complaining? How do you stop resenting your husband? You are not resenting your husband, my friend. My good, good friend, you are not resenting your husband. You are resenting yourself. You are resenting your choices, which means you are leaving your actions in the lurch, which means you are not accepting that every benefit comes with a cost. I am doing a livestream, not learning Taekwondo, or Japanese, or acupuncture, or archaeology.
[1:51:31] Every choice comes with a cost and the cost is everything else, if you choose to stay home rather than make friends in the neighborhood you are choosing isolation and then when you say I am unhappy because I'm isolated or I resent my husband or no as an adult you participate in all non-coercive choices, as an adult you participate in all non-coercive choices. You chose to move, you chose not to make friends, you chose to save for a house, rather than spend money on a maid.
[1:52:12] So you're not mad at your husband, you're not resenting him, you're resenting yourself. And you've gone all rubber bones in your own life. That always ends badly, you know that, right? Going rubber bones in your own life where you somehow feel a victim of the very choices you made. Did anyone force me to talk about really controversial topics? Nope. Nobody forced me to do that. Nobody. Nobody forced me to go and march with the anti-communist protesters and take tear gas to the face. Nobody forced me to do that. Nobody forced me to go to Australia. Nobody forced me to go to the EU. You, nobody forced me to do any of it. So to say I'm unhappy with my life would be to say, particularly my late 50s, that I'm unhappy with my choices. But if I'm unhappy with my choices, I should make different choices and not just complain. All right, I don't want to flog the dead horse too much. Is Kamala's stepdaughter hot? Yikes. That's all I can say is yikes. All right, any other last tips, support, help, questions, comments, issues, challenges? Problems!
[1:53:15] When you assign authorship of your own choices, you can endlessly blame and complain with impunity, except for when there's no one else around to hear it anymore. Well, the problem is that complaining is vampiric, right? Complainers are vampires. They drain your energy, they separate choice from consequences, and they pretend. This is a weird dissociation, where it's like they're standing over the murdered body at their own potential, wondering who killed someone.
[1:53:47] People who and i'm not talking about you specifically um the person who asked this question and and i'm obviously this is not a common thing for you so i'm not trying to, uh i'm not trying to thank you for the tip i'm not trying to make you feel bad i'm and you're a minor example of this so i just want this to be a big picture for the other people who complain more the other people who complain more you're draining people's life energy now people who are actually doing things making choices and taking responsibility for their own choices do not want to be around complainers because what complainers do is they draw you into a form of semi-catatonic can't breathe face over the pillow paralysis that just exits the life force from people like you just dropped a grenade in a bathtub off it goes man people who are in motion doing things making choices, respecting their own choices. It doesn't mean that every choice you make is yours, but it's yours, that's what matters. Every choice I make is not perfect, but it's mine, and I won't abandon that for anyone or anything. Ever. Ever.
[1:55:00] But when you complain about your own life choices, you are dissociating. You are both yourself and not yourself. You made choices, but you were forced. You made choices, but you hate the completely predictable consequences. It's like a guy jumping off a bridge and then being absolutely shocked and enraged that he falls. That would be insanity. And complaining about your own choices is a form of craziness. And it dissociates other people. And it's kind of a dare for other people to say, no, no, you chose this. And I say this with affection. And I remind myself of this too. This is not something that's completely automatic for me. I'm a human being as well, just like you.
[1:55:45] Self-ownership. It's the best drug there is. It's the only drug that gets better and doesn't wear off. It's the only addiction that strengthens you. Self-ownership.
[1:55:58] Your life is what you chose it to be and what you continue to choose it to be. And if you want your life to be different, complaining is a trap. Come on, you know the yes, but people. Well, you could do this. Yeah, but. Well, you could do that. Yeah, but. Or what about it? Yeah, but... And you're just paralyzing. It's a form of narcoleptic. It's a horrible venom that keeps your heart beating and your brain working while your body gets rigor mortis and falls over. Rough, man. Don't be one of the yes, but people. I cannot undo the past. I can make better choices now. I've found things to lift depression. Now I can try to mitigate damage to maybe reverse the worst effects. Oh, I'm sure you can. I'm sure you can.
[1:56:48] Depression tends to be when you dislike your choices but won't choose different. Thank you for watching. All right. Well, thanks, everyone. If you're listening to this later and find this conversation useful and helpful, and to the young lady who called in, I want to congratulate you on your family. And if you want to do a call-in, you can go to freedomain.com slash call, and I'd be happy to chat further about this. And I do apologize if I was too harsh, but I really, really want you to enjoy your life, and you can't enjoy it if you have access to the endless narcolepsy and drug and opiates of blame and resentment and dissociation from the inevitable results and entirely predictable results of your own choices. Choices you've got a healthy happy family you live in a relatively free world we have all of the information of the universe at our fingertips we can have amazing conversations like this there is no better time to be so lots of love everyone if you're listening to this later freedomain.com slash donate remember you get the french revolution for any donation through the end of the month and i will talk to you guys friday night best of the family and the ducks thank you i appreciate that lots of love take care.
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