0:00 - Introduction and Expectations
2:08 - The Decline of Radio
5:03 - Fraud and Relationships
8:43 - Social Media Reflections
17:04 - Proofreading and Communication
29:54 - Therapy Insights
37:30 - Dealing with Past Trauma
44:30 - The Importance of Documentation
53:37 - The Nature of Truth
57:34 - Relationship Dynamics
1:20:35 - Technology and Household Roles
1:39:21 - Embracing Differences
1:45:04 - Conclusion and Call to Action
In this episode, I dive deep into the complexities and nuances of romantic relationships, unpacking how men and women often experience and express their needs, desires, and frustrations differently. Right off the bat, I aim to solve everyday relationship issues, drawing on the familiar themes of communication and understanding. Relationships are foundational to our happiness, and I’m here to help you navigate them more effectively.
We begin with an exploration of common sources of frustration—little things that can snowball into larger issues. I unpack a story about the classic disagreement revolving around household chores—for instance, something as simple as leaving shoes in the hallway can unleash a barrage of internal dialogues on both sides. I illustrate how seemingly harmless habits lead to misunderstandings, and particularly how women often interpret a man's casual actions or omissions as signs of disinterest or anger. This thread of miscommunication can spiral out of control when paired with assumptions about intentions.
On the flipside, I discuss how men, often engrossed in abstract thought and broader concerns, can forget the finer details that their partners care about deeply. A husband might be focused on big-picture issues at work, while his wife is left feeling neglected over her request to put the shoes away. Men often have unique cognitive strengths, such as problem-solving and spatial awareness, which can leave them feeling flustered with tasks like doing laundry or loading the dishwasher—another testament to the differences in how we process information and respond to our environments.
I reiterate the importance of celebrating these differences rather than seeing them as obstacles. Men and women are indeed wired differently, and the sooner partners can appreciate and acknowledge these distinctions, the smoother their interactions will become. While women often have extraordinary recall for emotional details and household organization, men might excel in technical or abstract understanding. Rather than judging each other’s weaknesses, it's often more productive—and essential—to recognize and leverage each other's strengths.
As we navigate through these themes, I also touch on how societal conditioning sets up unrealistic expectations between genders. The notion that partners ought to “just know” each other's needs or capabilities leads to disappointment and resentment. Understanding that these traits stem from evolutionary differences can relieve pressure on both parties.
Towards the end of the episode, I address the broader implications of how unresolved issues can lead to societal despair and the sense of impending collapse many feel today. By continually striving for better communication and understanding within our closest relationships, we can potentially forge pathways to growth and stability in a broader context.
In conclusion, I emphasize the power of direct, honest communication as a means to bridge the gap between men and women. Every relationship becomes significantly healthier when both partners feel heard and understood. The transformation begins with recognizing our inherent differences and viewing them not as imperfections, but as opportunities for richer, more empathetic connections. Join me as we unravel these dynamics, empowering you with tools to enrich your personal relationships and improve your overall well-being.
[0:00] Good evening, everybody. Stefan Molyneux, 16th of August, 2024. 2024. And we got some questions and comments. Looking forward to your donations tonight. We're going to have a crackerjack of a show. Because I'm going to solve all your problems in your relationships. I'm going to solve all of your problems in your relationships, your romantic relationships, which are really the only ones that matter. Foundationally, no disrespect to my friends. But you ain't so bangable. So, all right, where can I get an FDR hat? Fine question. This evening, I will post the logo and the place you can go to order an FDR hat. I'm not going to make a penny from it. It's all entirely up to you. But I'm going to post the logo. Basically, it's a place online. You upload the logo, they'll send you a hat. So I'll give you the logo. I'll put it out for donors. Because you all are so special to me, I barely have words for it. Although I do have a lot of words. All right. Stef, why do you ask other people to post on Twitter for you? Why don't you use your own account?
[1:09] Because I don't want to engage with the people on Twitter. Now, if other people, I'm just saying, if other people want to post on my behalf, that's fine. It can be helpful to push back on a couple of lies here and there. But I'm not using Twitter because aforementioned reasons. All right. Let's freaking go. That's right. Hello from Gulag, UK. Yes.
[1:33] Yes, where the criminals are protected for decades and those who point out the criminality are persecuted immediately. Well, this is where statism always leads. One day people will listen to me and you and others who've told this. That day is not today and may not be tomorrow. They're not riots, they're protests, aren't they? Why did you drop radio from free domain radio? Really? really.
[2:09] Thank you for the tip I appreciate that why did I drop radio from free domain radio because radio is now an archaic technology, and because nobody really listens to radio anymore so when I was a kid there was a great store for computers and stuff called Radio Shack, unlike Future Shop which became history industry empty uh radio shack ended up rebranding itself as the source i think the source by circuit city or something like that it's sort of like there was a place in canada for tvs and speakers audio something tooth audio center 2000 or something like that and then when the year two and of course when they first founded the company 2000 the year 2000 seemed really futuristic and now it ain't so futuristic so you just have to keep rebranding, all right let's see here um as you say passed the first round of my first ever job interview thanks Stef you're welcome congratulations keep going i'm not sure i don't watch uk news too depressing we better stop whispering class yeah uk news is uh is depressing ready ready for a graduate-level philosophy. Oh, we're going to get that. How do I avoid seeming needy around women when I absolutely am?
[3:37] How do I avoid seeming needy around women when I absolutely am? Well, you stop with the fucking fraud. You stop with the fraud. You stop with the fraud. You stop with the fraud to yourself and you stop with the fraud for a woman, for others.
[4:08] See, let's say there's a woman and she's just smart, fantastic, wonderful, intelligent, brilliant, fit, healthy, and you are an insecure, overweight, neck-bearded, basement-dwelling guy. Well, then you stop aiming for something that's above your station. You feel nervous because you're aiming above your station. And there's nothing wrong with that. We all start, what do men do? We start at the top and work our way down until a woman says yes, right? When I asked my first girl out, it was the absolute queen of my junior high school, the most popular girl in school. I asked her out. She said, maybe we can go with other people, which is a nice way. And she was a very nice young lady of saying no. And then I went to the second tier and the second tier will go out with me.
[5:04] And I'd keep going down as all men do. So stop frauding. Why do I feel nervous when I apply for the job as a surgeon when I am, in fact, a gardener? Because you're frauding. You're aiming beyond your station.
[5:23] If you're terrified, it's because the woman is too high status for you. She may be too attractive. She may be, and with this crew, I wouldn't imagine too intelligent. She's too high status for you. So you're aiming too high. So your nerves are telling you that you're aiming too high. And if you aim too high, the relationship is unsustainable.
[5:46] So aim lower until, like don't aim so low that it's boring. You want to aim as a man. You want to aim just below terror and just above complacency. Until you're a little nervous, but not terrified. Terrified means you're aiming above your station, so don't do that. Don't be fraudulent. Why don't I think about my girlfriend when I'm away from her for more than a few days? Because you're a man. Started some Nathaniel Brandon books. Which ones did you find most helpful? Well, the most helpful for me was the psychology of self-esteem and then probably the disowned self.
[6:34] Nothing better on a Friday afternoon than cutting the grass and listening to Stef hopefully you mean the lawn not the weed the way people often talk to each other on Twitter is so dysfunctional I'm not on social media at all well it's funny because I'll still browse Twitter it's good good for news and it's good for funny stuff to share with my daughter but when I came up again you know sort of that eight and a half million views on a couple of tweets when I came up again Again, I just realized how absolutely retarded 90% of the people are on Twitter. Stupid, idiot, mouth breathers, propaganda swallowers, regurgitators of all things, stupid and slanderous. They're just absolute idiots. And I was reminded of like, oh yeah, that is a toxic sludge fest of lies, falsehood, manipulation, and bullying. Because I remember seeing a quote there was like, oh yeah, Stef, he was the guy who said that only white males support free speech. You know, no nuance, no quotes, no charts, no data, no facts, no questions, no quotes. Oh yeah, he's the guy who told Taylor Swift she had to have a baby right now. He's the guy, like just completely stupid, retarded. And I apologize, it's actually an insult to retarded people, but yeah, just completely stupid, spewing the most insane bigotry and absolutely uncorrectable because it's all emotional reaction and the cover-up of crimes.
[8:03] So it did help me realize, and there were some nice people there too. And some people who had very interesting and good and useful things to say, thank you, Tony. And that was fine. But for the most part, I'm like, cause I haven't been on mainstream social media in, uh, over four years. It was, it was over four years ago that I was deplatformed and I was like, oh yeah. Oh, that's right. there are people who are not kept out of social discourse, because they're stupid, ignorant, and vocal.
[8:44] I mean, it's one thing to go from this Mormon tabernacle choir to drunken, brutal karaoke in a small town on a Sunday afternoon. I just can't go out there and have my ears bleed from the a-harmony. Of the endless drunk women screaming out the Grease megamix. So it was just a reminder of how much you have to lower yourself to the knee-high-to-a-grasshopper intellect of your average fat-fingered, idiot-brained typist on the Twitter platform. And not to pick on the Twitter platform, it happens on other platforms as well, but I have been in the Refined Jazz Club with expert musicians for long enough now Now that going back to the screaming karaoke thud of people learning their first six string till their fingers bleed on Twitter, that that's quite a shock. It's a little bit of a shock. I've seen on women's dating profiles will bully you for fun or something along the like. I've seen those bullying thing multiple times now. Sorry, you're not doing you're not checking your you're not checking your typing. I'm not reading your crap. All right. Good morning, good morning, good afternoon, good evening.
[10:04] Just a tad update. Now that I'm fully in the marketing mode for my new accounting firm consulting business, I'm starting to get offers for fully remote COO, CEO jobs, chief operating officer, chief executive officer jobs, unexpected turn of events. Well, congratulations. It's always good to get choice. Alright, the problem is that if a woman rejects you and other women in the social circle know it, they will reject you as well because they don't want to seem low status. God almighty, man, what are you, on Twitter? How is that a problem? A woman doesn't know what she wants, so she's just an idiot shadow cast by the preferences of other idiot women. What do you care? Oh no, the idiot woman who doesn't know what she wants doesn't like me because other idiot women have rejected me. Oh no, I'm losing my access to idiot women. Oh no, what a tragedy. How is that a problem? To be rejected by idiots is a hallmark of intelligence. Oh my god. That's funny. Oh no. The women who can't choose for themselves and have no free will or intellect of their own might reject me. Oh no. That's a big problem.
[11:24] Oh you guys it's nodding me off absolutely beautifully tonight oh no the customers with no money who were shoplifters might not come into my store, the blind pilots might not fly me to my destination, the nauseous stewardess is poisoned by a gas station sushi might lean over me during the flight Oh, no. The woman with monkey pox might not sleep with me. Oh, no. Come on, man. You're trolling me. You're trolling me. Oh, my gosh. That's hilarious. I saw a guy who took a passage from your Art of the Argument book and said that your take was dumb, but no explanation of why or any supporting evidence that backups his claims. If you're going to critique someone's argument, maybe you have something to provide on your side instead of just calling it stupid. Well, what's wrong with that guy? What's wrong with that guy, getting other idiots to avoid my book? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
[12:50] No, it wasn't just one typo, Lee. You said, I've seen on women's dating profiles who will bully you for fun or something along the like. Okay along those lines something like that so that's one that's something along the like is not proper english i've seen thus bullying thing multiple times so i don't know what thus this thoughts i don't know what your is it's a thoughts missing a t or this with a o substituted for an i i've i've seen thus bullying thing multiple times now probably and i just gave up.
[13:22] So if you've got three errors in the first two lines i'm not going to read the rest of it so don't uh i spelt one word wrong no that's not correct and i didn't call you a shit i said i'm not reading that shit not the shit that you write not calling you so you're absolutely wrong you're wrong on your evaluation of how wrong you were and you're wrong that i didn't call you a shit i just said i'm not reading that shit because it is shit if you're going to type in a public forum and not even remotely proofread what it is that you're going to type to me that's rude it wastes my time it wastes other people's time and it's negative so it's shit what you wrote, what is the physiognomy behind women with crazy eyes well crazy eyes are eyes that are widened because of a heightened fight or flight response right so when you have a fight or flight response extra blood goes to your eyes they widen so you can perceive threats and so on right Right. So those AOC, your white cube ball steras come about because the pupils are dilated, the eyes are wide because they're in a fight or flight response. So I assume that's that's the case.
[14:31] All right. Hey, Stef. I've been feeling rather depressed lately. I think it has to do with the lack of hope I can see in the future. I can see the upcoming collapse accompanied with a massive loss of purchasing power and ignorant people as a whole. When I talk to people about this, they don't care and reject the ideas completely. How can I find something to hope for in the future?
[14:56] Stef, sometimes I think you are too patient. Well, I mean, Lee, and you know, I'm glad you're here, Lee. I really am. And I'm happy to get your questions. But you've been here a whole bunch of times when I've talked about, please proofread, when you're typing in a live show, proofread so I can understand what you're saying. Because if I can't figure out what you're saying, you're wasting time for me, you're wasting time for the audience, and then for the hundreds of thousands or millions of people who are going to listen in the future, right? I never said you called me shit. You said I spelled one word wrong. Don't appreciate it being called shit. Oh yeah. Sorry. Sorry. No, you're right about that. Um, I misspelled this and I suppose, I suppose I had some grammatical errors I didn't realize. It's fine though. You suppose you had some grammatical errors you didn't realize or you did. it. See, here's the thing, right? You want to have the confidence to own up when you make a mistake. So you're right about that. I missed a word, so that's my error. So you see, I'm not making excuses. Well, I read it fast, or you are annoyed. You said, I spelt one word wrong. Don't appreciate it being called a shit. I read it, don't appreciate being called a shit. So that's my mistake, and I apologize for that. But I made a mistake, I apologize for it, and I'm not making excuses.
[16:21] So I misspelt this, but I don't know that, because it could be thoughts, right? And I suppose I had some grammatical errors I didn't realize. So I apologize for misreading what you wrote. So what do you owe me? If you use my time without even checking what you write, honestly, it takes about 10, 15 seconds to read over before you type and make sure it makes sense. That's all. That's all. And I've asked for that a million times, and I think it's a fair thing to ask for. I try to be precise in my answers, although I was wrong about something here. So I was wrong about something and I apologize. So if you're wrong about something, don't do this passive-aggressive stuff. Just say, you know what? You're right. I was over-eager. I was over-hasty.
[17:05] I didn't proof-mute my thing. So sorry about that. And then that's fine. All right. So we get to the depressed guy. Would you be interested in attending the Bitcoin Film Festival in Warsaw? It's happening every year and your documentaries could be shown to the attendees on the silver screen. Well, that's very nice. I certainly do love Poland. Poland got me in a lot of trouble by being very friendly to free speech. Well, no, Poland didn't get me in any trouble. I voluntarily chose that, right?
[17:38] So, Bitcoin Film Festival. Interesting. Interesting. Travel, you know, I used to do travel all the time for speeches and documentaries and so on. I used to do travel all the time. I've got to tell you, it's a little tricky now because travel is just a crab and a half. You know, we've got non-meritocracy gathered mechanics and refuelers and de-icers and pilots. And I'm like, I don't know, man. Am I going to roll the non-meritocratic flight crew? Oh, I don't know. But send me an email if you can. You can send it to hosthost at freedomain.com.
[18:21] A new documentary topic. It's going to be in another country and about a different culture. But yeah, send me something. I love Warsaw. I absolutely completely. And I have some of the best memories of any travel I've ever done in Poland. I absolutely completely and totally loved it.
[18:38] That I appreciate, so. All right, a couple of items of business. We'll get to the depressed guy and then I'll solve all your personal relationships. Freedomain.com slash call-in. You can request private call-ins. Private call-ins are available now. Price is going to go up shortly. The price of subscriptions is going to go up. I just haven't raised the price of subscriptions in years and years and years, and I'm going to raise them. So if you want to get that in now, it's going to go from five bucks a month to, I don't know, seven or something like that. And so if you're going to subscribe, please try and do it sooner rather than later, because I'd hate for you to get caught in a price rise. Well, it's not really a price rise. It's just a recognition of the fall of the value of the dollar rise. But you're going to end up with the same income. But as you know, the dollar gets eroded. All donations get my almost 12-hour deep dive into the history of the French Revolution, which is really the history of the current present world. So that's just some housekeeping and business to take care of. So let's get your question about feeling rather depressed. Okay.
[19:55] I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying. I wrestle with it too. I'll be straight up with you. I wrestle with it too. It is not always the very easiest thing in the known universe to retain optimism in the face of general herd quasi-suicidality. Oh, also tiktok.com forward slash atfreedomain.com. Tiktok.com forward slash atfreedomain.com. If you could sign up there, I would find it most agreeable. must agreeable.
[20:30] So, how do we do it? How do we, keep our optimism in the face of people's lemming-like greed to run off the cliff of fiat currency into the abyss of increasing statism? Well, all the illnesses that slaughtered society in the past are now an inoculation for the eternal future. Let me say that again. It's really, really important. All the illnesses that slaughtered society in the past will now serve as an indoctrination to the eternal future. What I mean by that is everything that is killing freedom is being relentlessly documented in great detail detail, and spread around the world forever and evermore. Amen. The ignorance and the greed and the immorality and the blindness that is.
[21:41] Crushing our freedoms is documented in vivid detail in 4k 60 frames a second video video, to the point where it will not seem like old faded photographs from the steamer trunk of the Titanic in another century, but it will be as vivid as the day it was shot forever and ever. Amen. There will be no degradation in quality. There will be only improvements. It will be turned 3D, VR, last forever, be enhanced, be perfect, and people will be able to visit the fall of a civilization as if they were there. And it will never happen again. One and done. One and done. This one is the last one. This one is the last one. Everything's documented. See, In the past, civilizations and freedoms fell, and all that arose from the fall was a giant cloud of eye-gritting, nasal passage-coating, lung-destroying, particulate falsehoods.
[23:01] The dust cloud of lies obscured the impact of ignorance on the prior cities of civilization.
[23:12] The analysis of what is happening has been talked about for decades. And those who correctly predicted the disasters that are unfolding will gain credibility in the future and thus being proven right, the spread of virtue and reason will be permanent in the future. And people will no more want to revisit the factors that are driving us off a cliff now than we want to voluntarily lick rodents infected with the bubonic plague. Or attend a Taylor Swift concert and listen to the screeching, cattle-walling, pterodactyl sound of her dying eggs. Still thinking about him, apparently.
[24:05] Well, I am sorry for wasting time on your show. Wasn't my intention, and I will try harder next time to not make mistakes. Still passive-aggressive, I appreciate that, but still passive-aggressive. Wasn't my intention. So you're retreating to the feminine, magical world of intention rather than the manly world of, I fucked up. Look, it happens. I fucked up reading your comment. It happens. So wasn't my intention? Nope. I don't believe that. I mean, I'll be strict. I'll be strict with you, man, because I don't want you making excuses that are obvious to everyone else. It just makes you look weak and self-attacking. You made a mistake, not a terrible one, but an annoying one, and one that I've talked about repeatedly with you being here many times before. You made a mistake. I've asked you, please proofread what you write to me so that when I read it, I know what you're talking about. And you didn't do that when you know I've asked for that repeatedly.
[25:05] If you've got a girl who's been your long-term girlfriend, and she says, I really hate it when you do this in bed, and then you do that in bed, and she's told you for months, she really hates it when you do this in bed, and you do whatever it is in bed, some swirly thing. And then she's like, that's annoying. Why are you doing that? I keep telling you how I am telling you nicely. Please don't do that. And you're like, oh, it wasn't my intention to upset you. And it's like, what does intention mean about anything? Right? You're competent and capable enough. And this isn't about a little, I understand this isn't about a little text, right? This is a larger life issue for everyone as a whole, right?
[25:44] Life as a whole. Wasn't my intention. So that's kind of an insult, right? Because I didn't say what your intention was. I can't verify your intention. You may or may not know your intention. I imagine that what you did was you typed this unconsciously in order for me to call you out. Right, in order for me to call you out so you lose this habit because it's a bad habit. Look, you made a little mistake that was mildly annoying. Not a big deal. Not a big deal, right? But then it becomes a bigger problem because you get butthurt about it and, then you get passive-aggressive about it and you don't apologize and then when you do apologize, you apologize in a vaguely insulting way saying, well, that wasn't my intention. Like I'm just completely misreading your intention. What did I say about your intention? Other than it was careless. It's careless to type up a message without checking it in a live show for somebody to read on air. That's all. Because I've got to try and figure out what you're saying and I might get it wrong and it's just kind of annoying. That's all, right? You understand. So, don't compare. Look, everybody makes little mistakes from time to time.
[26:58] Yeah, FDR 5148, FDR podcast slash 5148. I never meant to hurt you. So I don't know what your intention is. I don't know if you know what your intention is. But what happened was you were careless, right? As men, we can't afford to be careless, right?
[27:31] So then when you say well i am sorry for wasting time on your show wasn't my intention and i will try harder next time to not make mistakes it's not a try harder because that's saying oh i tried really hard i guess i was just three percent short and now Stef's raking me over the coals right no you didn't try at all you didn't try at all you typed and hit send without checking your work Look, that's not, well, I got to try harder. You didn't proofread it. And then you didn't even go back and proofread before apologizing because you said, well, I just made one typo. And it's like, you made three errors in the first two lines. I'm not going to read the rest of it. And that's annoying to me. But what's more annoying is all of this Weasley stuff, you know, like, oh man, I got overexcited. I hit send. You already told me, please double check. I didn't double check. I'm sorry. It's like, then we're good. There's no problem. Right? Have some respect for this conversation that's going to last for 10,000 years. That's all. That's all.
[28:38] So, it's not so much that you made a lot of typos and grammatical errors in the first two lines of a five or six line sentence, and I just stopped reading because it's annoying. That's fine. It happens. You say, oh, I should have checked. I'm so sorry. Right? Then we got no problem. Everything's fine. Everything's good. But then when it's like, well, I'm offended, and you did this, and I just made one tiny error, and that wasn't my intention, and right? Oh, my God. Right? Right? Hi, Stef, so good to be back in touch with your content and insights. Question, where can I purchase slash gain access to Gentle Parenting, please? It's called Peaceful Parenting, and you don't have to purchase it. It's peacefulparenting.com. Peacefulparenting.com.
[29:26] Stef, you said that you started therapy because you were having difficulty sleeping. Was there a particular realization that you can recall from your time in therapy that resolved that issue? Oh, yeah, no, I don't know exactly what it was. that I was not living philosophy. I was defining things as good and evil. I was defining things as good and evil. And I was not living those values in my life.
[29:54] Without wanting to interrupt, I just wanted to say hello from South Australia. Well, you are not interrupting. Your interruptions are entirely up to me. All typing, no typing is an interruption in general. So I'm not giving tough love. I'm just saying that if you make a mistake, own up to it, as I have done, and as I will continue to do for the most part. If you make a mistake, own up to it, apologize. And everything's fine. But if you start making excuses and blaming the other person and claiming this magical refuge called intentionality, and you don't apologize, and you just start weaseling, it just makes it worse. Just don't do that stuff because everyone it's completely obvious to everyone right.
[30:43] And it just makes you look weak. I'm telling you, there's nothing stronger than just saying, yeah, screwed up, made a mistake. Sorry. Right? Like I misread your, I missed a word and I misread and I read too hastily and I made a mistake. So I just said, sorry. I just said, sorry. Whoops. You know, you're right. I made a mistake. Sorry. As opposed to, well, I guess I can try harder and, and, uh, uh, you know, it wasn't my intention. And it's just like, God, that's all. So as far as Yeah you know what Society's in for a rough ride man Society's in for a rough ride, People have chosen Not to listen to reason Evidence, facts And reality They have just chosen Not to listen They have chosen not to listen They have chosen to retreat Into sophistry Rather than face facts, Rather than face facts And Lee by the way I'm so glad you're here And I'm glad we had this conversation I really do appreciate that. It's very helpful. Very helpful. I learned this the hard way in the military. They would really rake you over the coals if you made excuses or were weaselly, but you could fuck up quite badly if you just owned it 100%.
[31:55] See, here's the thing. The bad guys only win when you start treating everyone like the bad guys. The bad guys only win when you start treating everyone like the bad guys. So, you made a mistake and you did something that was a minor annoyance, right? So, if you say, you know what, you're right, I'm sorry, we're fine, we're good, right? Because I'm a reasonable guy. But if you start weaseling, you're doing that because you're treating me like I'm an abuser. Like if you admit fault, I'm going to just grind your balls and I'm going to put you down and I'm going to hold it over you forever. So you're going to kind of dodge and weasel because I'm an irrational, mean, nasty, whatever, right? Don't treat me like your prior abusers. That's not right. That's what's annoying about it. So you got hasty and you typed something without checking it and you sent it, which is mildly annoying. Especially if you knew one thing, right? But you've been here for months. And again, I'm very happy that you're here and I'm very happy that you're typing and, right? You can annoy me. We can still be friends, right? I mean, I hope I can annoy you and we can still be friends, right? You can annoy me and we're fine, right? I annoy myself. I still have a good relationship with myself. I annoy my daughter from time to time. We still have a great relationship.
[33:24] So don't treat me like I'm some abuser. Make a mistake. Just say, you know, you're right. I'm sorry you mentioned that. I didn't do it. So sorry, right? I'm like, yeah, we're fine. We're fine. But you start weaseling, then you're treating me like I'm a dangerous, irrational, abusive guy. Then we have a problem because I'm not. I'm a reasonable guy. I can get annoyed. I can accept an apology, no problem. But if you start treating.
[34:02] People as if they're abusive, then the bad guys have won because you're not present in the conversation and you're not evaluating the true nature of the people you're in communication with. I'm not an abusive guy. I can be mildly annoyed. We can apologize. You can apologize. We can move on. That's fine. And the apology is important so that you remember it and you recognize it as something. But if you give yourself excuses and you're passive aggressive and you counter blame and ugh, you know, it's like then you're treating me like I'm an abusive guy. That's even more annoying. And you typed badly so that I would tell you this. I'm aware of that. You typed badly so that I would tell you this.
[34:48] If my mother convinced me that her nature was female nature, I would have had to treat every woman as dangerous and abusive, which means that the bad woman would have won because I would be treating all women as bad women. You follow? Now, we continue to have this show, even though I was treated very badly by millions of people around the world. I was treated very badly. But I don't believe that bad people are all people, right? So I continue doing the show just in a rarefied, more refined atmosphere, right?
[35:41] If I had thought my father is all men, my mother is all women, then I'd go through my whole life treating reasonable people as if they were my abusive parents, which would be insulting, unjust, and annoying to them. Don't treat me like I'm some abuser who, if you make a mistake, I'm just going to grind you from here to eternity and put you down and ban you and get mad at you and yell at you. Come on, man. I mean, I've earned better treatment than that, haven't I? I've earned an honest apology. I mean, I've been out here in the public square 18 years being reasonable as all get up, Right? I've earned that positive behavior, a manful apology and taking of responsibility. Sorry, Stef. Messed up, man. You're totally right. My apologies. Great. We move on. Oh, it wasn't my intention, and I didn't apologize, and I'm offended, and you shouldn't have said this, and it's like, oh my God, don't treat me like that.
[36:39] Lee says, damn, I understand what you're saying. It rings true. I am, was feeling defensive. Thanks for teaching me. I feel grateful to listen to what you're saying. I wish more people told me their true thoughts like that. I definitely treat people like I'm an abuser sometimes, and I don't deserve to be treated like that. And that's what I'm trying to free you of as best I can. I'm really, I'm not trying to put you down. I'm literally trying to have you stop putting other people down by treating them as abusive when they're not. I guarantee you, Lee, and with great sympathy, I say this with great sympathy and affection and appreciation for your part in the conversation, always, that when you made mistakes, when you were a kid, people bullied the shit out of you.
[37:24] And that was terrifying. And I completely and totally sympathize with that. It happens to all of us. It probably happened to you a little bit more.
[37:30] I absolutely understand and sympathize. It happens at church. It happens in our immediate family. It happens with siblings, with extended family. It happens in school a lot, right? Make a mistake, you get made fun of, everybody laughs. I mean, it used to be not that long ago you had to stand in the corner with a dunce cap on your head. But if you treat everyone like they're abusers, quality people won't want to spend time with you because you're being unfair and unjust. And again, we all do it. But I'm right down. This is no superior thing. No superior thing for me. I still work on it. I'm still working on it. But can you imagine if I thought women were like my mom and dealt with every woman like she was my mother? Or I thought that men were like my father or my brother? No, thank you. That would guarantee that quality people wouldn't want to spend time with me.
[38:35] I got that as well growing up, Lee. It's hard to break the conditioning. Right. See, when you make a mistake, you are vulnerable. And people have power over you. Do you see what I mean? Like you follow this, right? When you make a mistake, you are vulnerable. Oops, right? Somebody has power over you. And how do people handle having power over you? How do people handle having power over you? Well, most people handle it very badly. And we'll get to why this happens so much in romantic relationships. When you make a mistake, people have power over you. How do they handle that power over you? Well, for the most part, people handle it very, very, very badly indeed. And so we say to ourselves, well, I can't be vulnerable. I can't admit fault because people will grind me down. They'll make me pay for a simple error, a lack of attention, a lack of care, a lack of concern.
[39:54] Someone says, I used to be so afraid of women because of what my mother did to me. I thought that almost all of them wanted to hurt me. rights. Right. Don't make good people pay for what bad people did. That is to lose forever and ever, amen. The bad guys win when you end up treating everyone like a bad guy. I would not be married, or certainly not to my wife, if I thought women as a whole were like my mother. I would not be married. I would not be in this wonderful marriage. Don't treat good guys like bad guys. That just gives the eternal victory to the bad guys. You beat the bad guys when you stop seeing them everywhere. You beat the bad guys when you stop projecting them into the good guys.
[41:12] You ever see, it's a cinematic trick, or not exactly a trick, it's kind of like a style.
[41:22] So someone gets up, there's a movie playing, and someone gets up and talks about the movie. I remember this on Battlestar Galactica, they were reviewing the film footage from some Viper attack. And someone gets up and stands in front of the movie, still running, and it's shining in their face, and the movie is projecting over their face, right? Well, that's what projection is. You're taking an old movie and projecting it on a current scene. You're taking something usually fictional, perhaps documentary from the past, and you're projecting it onto the living present. Projection, like a movie projector. You're painting over the blank canvas of people's unknown personalities with the black paint of yesteryear. And they win. If they make you permanently frightened of everyone, they win. They win. Don't give them that victory. You had to give them that victory in the past in order to survive. You absolutely do not have to give them that victory in the present. What kept you alive in the past keeps you isolated in the present. Right? or kept you alive in the past keeps you isolated in the present.
[42:48] Don't treat good people like bad people or you will never ever keep good people in your life. And again, I say this with great humility right down there in the trenches with you.
[43:10] So, with regards to your depression, we were going to go through crap as a society anyway, but now it's documented. Now these thoughts and the thoughts of many others are out there. Forever. And of course, there'll be efforts made to suppress it. But it will survive somewhere, somehow. Or at least, it has the greatest chance of surviving. Because of our technology. The library at Alexandria can be burned down. Not every hard drive can be beat, can be bleach-bitted. It is the greatest chance our philosophy and wisdom and virtue and accuracy and analysis becoming a permanent inoculation against this ever happening again.
[44:18] A part of me does the projection on autopilot. It's a challenge to catch it. So you understand that the projector is run by the bad guys. Let's say it was your parents. The projector is run by your parents.
[44:31] The parents want to keep good people away from you and the best way they do that is to have you project their personality onto the blank canvas of everyone new that you meet they're just like, them everyone's just like them oh god i'm jumpy right that's how they keep you isolated that's how they keep you around as a useful child slave to take care of them when they get old and wipe their ass when they get decrepit and take them in when they're homeless, They run the projector They keep you isolated So you serve them, not virtue And never yourself Never, Never ever, Stef, I really don't want to piss on your optimism But how do you know? Oh, the documenting current events will help in the future since even today we have video evidence of many events and people still believe in lies.
[45:37] Well, my friend, that is what is called a total bullshit false dichotomy. Thank you, Dorbins. A total bullshit false dichotomy. We have the greatest technology for telling the truth that has ever existed in the history of the human universe. We have the greatest technology for retaining, transmitting, and telling the truth that has ever existed in the history of humanity and of the universe as far as we know. So if you look at something like, what was it, six years ago, the fine people hoax was generated out of Charlottesville. And now That would have become Like in the past That would have become An absolute truth Like the, Sociopathic lies About Marie Antoinette Oh let them eat brioche Let them eat cake She had incestuous sex With her son Like all of those lies.
[46:56] Would have been ground Into the history books And carved into the granite of the human mind with no overturn. McCarthy finally is recognized as being more right than even he knew. The Rosenbergs were, in fact, Soviet spies. That was acknowledged. And now you have all these people spewing this bullshit on social media and at least on Twitter there's community notes saying, nah, no thank you, not true, not factual, not real, not honest, lies! Never existed before. Before, the historians, with their, pious pocket knives of bullshit, could carve their words into the forehead of humanity to be set as scars and tattoos from here to eternity.
[47:50] And now, let's say, somebody who believes any one of the, even the Russia collusion conspiracy theory, or the fine people hoax, or any of the nonsense, right? If somebody says, well, Trump just dumped a bunch of fish food in a koi pond, because you see a little slipper to that, somebody can send them something which says, no, no, the Japanese prime minister just did the same thing. He's just doing it. Because the prime minister did it, and they had to move on. Well, Trump called white supremacists and neo-Nazis very fine people Nope, he made it very clear he was not talking to those They should be condemned utterly It's right here, And your argument is, A lot of people, Still believe lies Ha ha ha ha.
[48:46] You know, we finally figured out that washing your hands helps with disease. It's new. It's only been around for 10 or 15 years, and it's slowly spreading the idea, that washing your hands can help keep you healthy. And your answer is, that some people still don't wash their hands. I know, nasal voice is not an argument, but it's annoying. It's a false dichotomy. We have this incredible technology for spreading the truth. But some people still believe lies. Yes, they do. But fewer than before. And with no excuse, you see. The great thing about this technology is people who believe lies, when the truth is available like this, we don't have to care what happens to them, there used to be big debates about whether smoking was good or bad for you nicotine raises testosterone.
[50:04] And people could say for a long time I had no idea. I had no idea. Now, the dangers of smoking are printed on every cigarette packet. But people still smoke. Yes, but fewer than before. Because of free will, brother. Why would you let your optimism be clouded by fools who reject reality? Stef uh i i don't want to piss on your optimism but turns out some people, don't really care about facts reason and evidence really are you really telling me are you really telling me this like it adds something to my human knowledge are you really telling me the guy who has spent 40 years wrestling to bring reality to the public and got deplatformed and attacked at every turn are you really telling me that it's going to add Add to my sore of knowledge. Or, you know, Stef, some people still don't listen to reason. Have you ever thought of that? No, never. Why would I ever think that people haven't listened to reason after trying to reason with friends, family, the planet, the church, the university, the world, for 40 years? And you're saying, well, Stef, Stef, did it ever occur to you that some people do reject reason and evidence? Oh, my God.
[51:33] I don't know what everyone thinks when they type these things. I literally was just talking about deplatformed, and I've never been deplatformed for anything I said that was false. Is it true that 90% of a woman's eggs are gone by the time she's 30? Yes, it is. Is it true that a woman's sexual market value is going to decline in her 40s and beyond? Yes, it is true. Is it true that there are IQ disparities? It is true. What have I said that is false? Is it true that the political power is based on coercion? Yes, what was I deplatformed for that was false? I had half my life's work scrubbed for telling the truth. And you're saying, Stef, you know, some people, they don't like the truth.
[52:38] Go to a surgeon with 40 years experience and say, You know, some people don't really take care of their health after the surgery, so what's the point? Did you know, did you know, Mr. Surgeon of 40 years experience, did you know that some people, they just don't take care of their health?
[52:57] Did you know that? Really? Half my patients are repeat patients because they don't take care of their health. I've known this for 39 of my 40 years, and you're coming in to tell me, you know some people some people they don't they don't really appreciate the truth they will still believe lies come on man oh lee says next time i'll tip on freedom and comment hope this helps a bit thanks for taking the time to explain what you saw in me i'm sorry for the confusing comments i didn't prove free at all before no and i appreciate that and leah that's It's very kind, and I appreciate that. Thank you.
[53:38] But maybe you didn't proofread so that I could free you from this history, and maybe the angels were having you type badly so that you could free yourself and others from this habit of projecting skulls on the faces of beautiful people and dead eyes on the faces of people with lively vision. Maybe it's time to stop putting pennies on the eyelids of the living.
[54:15] Thanks, Philip. I appreciate that. Will people choose the truth? Well, let's say that some people, well, we know that certainly about 25% of the population, I'm stealing straight from Scott Adams here. And by the way, I think Mike Cernovich posted that he was in Toronto, which is a stone's throw from me, and I never heard a thing. Interesting. I'd have had a lunch with the guy. We worked together for years. Anyway, so 25% of the population will get just about anything and everything wrong. Okay. So there are people who accept the truth, and there are people who don't accept the truth. And the people who don't accept the truth generally steal from those who accept the truth, right?
[55:28] And who is going to suffer the most for rejecting the truth? Well, the people who reject the truth are going to suffer the most from rejecting the truth. And eventually, we're going to end up with more people who accept the truth and fewer people who reject the truth. And that's just the way things work in biology, in human society, in evolution as a whole. But the fact that they've had access to the truth means that we don't, in particular, have to suffer as much based upon what happens to them.
[56:11] If somebody had never heard that smoking was dangerous and gets sick from smoking, we have sympathy. If somebody literally read it on every pack of cigarettes they ever picked up, we don't have to have as much sympathy because they chose it. They wanted it and they chose it. This is what you wanted. This is what you're going to get. This is what you wanted and this is what you've got. So if you think that my optimism is somehow founded on the bizarre belief that everyone accepts the truth, and you're here to loftily inform me that some people reject the truth, I don't know what you're doing, but you're not having a conversation with me. I will tell you that for sure. For sure. You're not having a conversation with me.
[57:01] All right. Hit me with a Y if you're ready to have all of your, romantic relationships solved. Are you ready to truly get along with women if you're a man and a man if you're a woman? I want to make sure we're all on the same page and ready to talk about the same things. The main thing.
[57:34] The main thing Yes, You're married, but why? But yes, I think it's even more pertinent if you're married.
[57:59] I was talking to a guy who was complaining that his wife nagged him about the dishwasher and leaving clothes on the floor rather than putting them in the hamper. Little, little, little things. The guy wasn't making too much money. I suggested that maybe he'd want to focus a little bit more on his career and a little bit less on inconsequential detritus and details in the household. So I'm here to tell you why this happens. You know how this works. I'm going to talk from the male perspective. Happens the other way too. Male perspective first. Now, female perspective first. Let's do female ladies first. So the man.
[58:59] Doesn't put his shoes away when he comes home he just kicks his shoes off doesn't put them nicely on the shoe tree or the shoe rack just leaves his shoes in the front hallway and the woman trips on them coming in and she gets mad, well not initially she doesn't get that mad but she says can you please can you please can you put your shoes away I don't want to trip on them I've got bags I don't want to fall, and he's like yeah yeah yeah and then next time he comes in he kicks them maybe he kicks them to the side it's like no no no come on don't put them on the side i can you please put them away, putting on the side they're dirty they're dusty they're gritty stuff on the floor we step it into the floor grinds into the floor goes under the washing machine just please put them away okay yeah sorry yeah got it got it comes in kicks him further away they're half on half off.
[59:53] Okay, honey, I don't want to come off as bitchy. I don't want to come off as hostile. I don't want to be a nag. But I keep asking you, will you please take your shoes off and put them nicely on the shoe rack?
[1:00:13] And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comes home and forgets and forgets. And then the woman starts to fashion a narrative. Right? And the narrative goes something like this. Well, I think about this every single time I come home. He must think about this every time he comes home because Lord knows I've told him often enough. So he must be actually quite angry at me because he keeps kicking his shoes off in the hallway and not doing the simple thing that I ask him to do. Simple thing. I'm not asking him to climb Mount Everest using his molars. I'm just asking him, take the shoes off your big stinky feet, put them on a shoe rack. He keeps coming home and he doesn't do it, which must mean that he's angry at me about something. And he's not telling me because it's completely obvious to me I would do it for him. He's not doing it for me. If he cared about me, he would do it because he knows how important this is for me. And now I'm in a really awkward position and he keeps not doing it. I keep getting annoyed. and now what am I supposed to do? I'm in an impossible situation. If he cared about me, he'd just do it.
[1:01:31] Hit me with a why. If this seems at all familiar. If this seems at all familiar to you. I'm pretty sure it is a smidge familiar to you. Now, what is really going on here? Hit me with something that your woman has told you about that you just can't remember. member. I'll start. My wife has on, let's just say, statistically more than one occasion over the course of our marriage, tells me the things that can go in the dishwasher and the things that can't go in the dishwasher. Dishwasher safe, not dishwasher safe. Now, I'm not saying this is a massively confusing category, but she has told me there are these little plastic trays that we have. They don't go in the dishwasher They just.
[1:02:51] There are other things. Apparently they're handmade, they're glazed, they're something or other, and they just don't go in the dishwasher. Now, when she points this out to me, and she's very, very nice about it, very nice about it, she points this out to me because she sees me putting our ducks in the dishwasher. She sees me putting our little Tupperware things in the dishwasher, Now, apparently, sometimes the lids can go in, but not the base. Sometimes. I think it has something to do with a full moon, or whether the moon is in the orbit of Jupiter from an astrology standpoint, or something like that. She's very nice about it. And I look at it, and I repeat it to myself three times. You know, like on the subway, walk left, stand right, just repeat it to yourself three times, you know it for life. And I'm like, Okay, I'm going to brand this into my brain. I'm going to brand this into my brain, and I'm going to remember. I'm going to remember like the Iliad being handed down. My great-grandchildren are going to remember, because this is going to be passed down in deep, masculine, testosterone-laced, familial warrior lore. I'm going to remember. I'm going to remember.
[1:04:17] Sorry, what the hell was I going to remember? It's gone. Yeah, my wife tells me about dinner plans with the neighbors next week. Day comes around, I've completely forgotten. It's gone, isn't it? It's gone. It's gone. It's gone.
[1:04:37] It's gone. My wife, as is true, I think, of most wives, has a way of packing the dishwasher that is a massive, valiant Einsteinian attempt to turn it into a literal black hole. Because it has to be packed so efficiently and so densely that light itself cannot escape its surface. If there's one micromillimeter that something can be maneuvered into, it's like playing Jenga or Rubik's Cube. If it can be rotated, turned, jammed, twisted, into the point where it's shimmering because it's becoming other-dimensional, My wife will find a way to get 4,000 tons of cutlery and dishes into a dishwasher in a way that I'm frightened to touch because I think it's going to unfold like a vomiting beholding bag or a vomiting bag of holding. It's incredible. It's a miracle. I do not understand what happens. It's in the same way that I can flatten something and fold it and it comes out looking like it's been worn down.
[1:05:49] By a rhino doing the Macarena, a sweaty rhino doing the Macarena for about a week, whereas my wife can just fold something randomly, put it in, and when I unfold it, it's a perfect two-dimensional flatland piece of khaki perfection.
[1:06:10] It's amazing. My wife very rarely has nightmares, but one of the greatest nightmares she has is waking up screaming because I'm doing the laundry. Now, husbands, boyfriends, the equal halves of the long-suffering, how many times has your wife or girlfriend friend, explained to you what happens with laundry. There's hot and cold and medium. There's a certain amount of spin. There's more spin. There's less spin. There's colors. There's various vats, things you pour stuff into. There's dryer sheets. Has it ever been explained to you, and I'm sure that it has, what colors go with which? The brights with the darks, the darks with the brights, the lights with the lights, the darks with the darks, the cotton with the cotton, and the asbestos with the asbestos. We are told these things repeatedly.
[1:07:14] And I look and I nod and I absolutely want to remember. I really do. Yeah, no, I'm banned from the laundry machine and have been for a long time. A long time. And it makes perfect sense because it is easier and cheaper for my wife to do the laundry than for us to end up with everything Ken doll-sized, one color, and have to go buy everything again.
[1:07:46] Dishwasher Tetris. That's right. It's amazing. It's a genius. Talk about men having better spatial reasoning. My wife can rotate in her mind a saucepan weighing 19 pounds and put it right on top of a tiny plate and have it rest one micromillimeter above it. It's absolutely astounding. My wife tells me, I thought it was actually kind of a rumor for a long time, but apparently there are things in the house that go to regular places in the house. Stef has been banned from the lottery machine longer than from Twitter. Or yes, my first de-platforming was from the laundry room. Yes, but I will say it hurt a little bit less. So apparently there are things in my house that go to places on a regular basis and often will go back to those same places on a regular basis. Have you heard this? I didn't believe it for a while. But apparently, see, there's a place where, let's say, for instance, I have a little cereal, right? Because occasionally I'll have some cereal, right? So there's a place where I have cereal. And then there's a place completely different where there's backup serial.
[1:09:13] There's backup cereal place. So there's a little pantry where there's a cereal. And then on the other side of the kitchen, up on the very top, sideways, there is the backup cereal. Now, my wife has explained this to me. And I look and I'm like, got it. And literally three days later, I'm like, I'm out of cereal. Do we have any more?
[1:09:43] It's like looking for things in the fridge. I give up too easily. I give up too easily. Or, alternatively, my wife actually reaches into another dimension, to pull the half-frozen almond butter from the back of the fridge. There's a shimmer. She reaches through a netherworld, a portal, a back room, grabs it and pulls it into existence. It's an amazing thing to see, really. It is the opposite of a magician's trick. Magicians make things disappear. My wife makes good-tasting things appear by making sorcerer gestures, witch gestures, really. She would have been burned as a witch in the past. Witch gestures are made, gesticulations are made at the back of the fridge, which summon these things that are invisible to the husband's eyes. I mean, look, if I had the ability to reach through a portal into what I can only assume it's an infinite grocery store on the other side, I would find things too, but I can't. I don't have that power. It doesn't come. My boobs, my man boobs, are just not big enough. My girlfriend is a pro at chest freezer Tetris. Yes, also known as cold, hot, and calculating. I'm just kidding. That's chest freezer.
[1:11:02] Hit me with a why, if anything that I'm saying resonates with your experience. Hit me with a why. If anything I'm doing resonates with your experience, that as men, we are told things, and with the greatest intentions, we'll allow it for this part, the greatest intentions and positive goals, we nod, we listen, we turn our heads, and it's like Will Smith with a pen. Gone. I don't remember where anything is in my house. I don't. I know I should. And then what happens is I don't want to ask. Because while I don't remember where things are, I distinctly remember my wife telling me where things are. It's weird. I would say to my brain, why are you remembering being told where things are, but not actually remembering where things are? Because that seems perverse.
[1:12:18] What is the point of that? I don't want to remember that I was told. I want to remember what I was told. That would be infinitely more helpful. Now, if a certain amount of time has passed, I can go back to the well. The well has refilled. But if it was, she told me yesterday. She told me yesterday.
[1:12:50] I can't go back. I can't. It's too soon. Not enough time has passed. I can't go back. I can't. She just told me yesterday. Because a lot of women will say, I told you, weren't you listening? Don't you care? Don't you care? I don't even have to think about these things. Don't you care? No i do forget where i put things as well i enjoy doing work outside of the studio, so sometimes i want to record something or do something and it's like well one computer's here and the headphones are there and the power cord is there and the right heaven forbid right, so i want to remember i really do but the only thing i can remember Remember, it's being told not what I was told.
[1:13:41] It's like someone saying, the combination to escape the dungeon, there's a lock, and the combination is... And you're like, okay, I remember that they told me, but I don't see that. It's just a bunch of numbers. I remember there were numbers, but they sounded strange.
[1:14:17] Now, that's on the one side. On the other side, and these are generalities, there can be tons and tons of exceptions, but on the other side, there exists the alternate dimension called women and technology. My wife's battles with the printer are the stuff of Lovecraftian, Cthulian dimensions of horror. If Franz Kafka was even more insane, he wouldn't write about the story Metamorphosis, which is about a man who wakes up as a cockroach. which he would write about women trying to use a wireless printer.
[1:15:11] Now, I, of course, have said to my wife, Oh yes, microphones. James can attest to this. How many times, James, have I said to my wife, Would you mind muting if you are going to be performing some unholy, non-haram act with the microphone because my wife apparently needs to fondle the microphone like she's on her honeymoon with it. And it's crackling and buzzing and burping in my ear and I say, oh, would you mind muting? And she's like, oh, it'll just be a moment. It'll just be a moment. It bothers me. The sound bothers me.
[1:16:06] Or, you know, she played Candy Crush for a bit, and she was on an old iPad, and the Candy Crush was just like so slow, it was unplayable. And I'm like, we could get you a new iPad. No, I'm fine. Oh, God. We're not broke. We could get you a new iPad. No, no, I'm good. My wife has told me infrastructure, Wi-Fi, power, etc., and anything outside the house is my responsibility. Everything else inside is hers. Right. Tell me if you know a woman who knows the difference between Wi-Fi data and cell phone data. Do you know any women? Maybe I'm just unfortunate. Doesn't matter how many times I explain it. I mean, I was out in the woods doing a call because I have a little computer with a cell phone data. And I was saying to my wife, I lost signal. I'm literally like a mile from the house. And I said, oh, I lost signal. And she's like, don't we have a Wi-Fi extender? Yes, but not for a mile. Otherwise, it would give us radiation burns.
[1:17:31] Oh my gosh when, cell phone data was more expensive I would continually have to say to the people I love in my life when you're home can you please turn the wifi on so you don't use cell data.
[1:17:56] My daughter will be at work and complained that she can't get Wi-Fi. Because Wi-Fi just means things that go from the cell phone somewhere else. There's no difference. Wi-Fi is cell data. I'm just saying the way that it is. And I have explained it, and I'm sure that much like me listening to my wife about where things are in the house, they listen attentively to my explanations of the difference between cell phone data and Wi-Fi, And they say, I really, really want to remember this. And then, basically, the next thing runs at that knowledge, like a little boy sprinting at a group of seagulls in a parking lot, and they just scatter. Put the house in a Faraday cage, maybe. It's a long Ethernet cable, that's right. That's right. Now, would it be reasonable for me to say, to the lovely ladies in my life, if you really cared about me, you wouldn't keep misusing these terms to the point where I feel like I'm about to have an aneurysm.
[1:19:14] Because I'm a bit of a propellerhead and a bit of a nerd. And it bothers me when people refer to cell data as Wi-Fi and Wi-Fi as cell data. It indicates a profound lack of understanding of data. And technology. And that bothers me.
[1:19:43] Whenever the cell phone company calls my house, my wife hands the phone to me, as if it were covered with monkeypox and on fire. Now, if I were to say, to my wife, well, if you really cared about me, you would learn the difference between these things. If you really cared about me, you wouldn't print a PDF and wonder why it's not going to the wireless printer.
[1:20:21] If you can't get cell data, it doesn't help me to say perhaps I should reboot the router.
[1:20:36] So, my point is this. And I know it's been a while. But it says print. It absolutely does say print. The scanner apparently because you know we have a business so or I have a business so we need to scan things obviously right but the scanner apparently is, evil Aztec child sacrifice Satan box that cannot be touched by pure, nun like feminine hands just can't be done you know open it up close it click this button and click scan. Nope. It's evil magic. Now, would I say to my wife, well, you should learn how to scan if you really cared about me. No, my wife's a great driver and she actually, I never get lost in the woods and she never gets lost on streets. I get lost on streets, but never in the woods. She gets lost in the woods, but not on the streets. It's a good combo, right? But she grew up with a family that had a car and I didn't, so.
[1:21:55] So, would it be fair for me to say to my wife, if you really cared about me, you'd learn about technology? I mean, it's just one of a bunch of things, right? But we just take it the most obvious, right? Home stuff and technology. Have you tried rebooting the lawnmower if you can't start it?
[1:22:26] How many times if a woman in your household has said about technology, it's not working, have you gone there and it genuinely doesn't work?
[1:22:42] We still had dial-up as a backup when the Wi-Fi was not working. I told my wife not to download any films because dial-up bandwidth was so expensive. I got a bill for $2,500 one month and I asked her about what she was downloading. Loading, she said, they weren't films, they were music videos. Well, she's not wrong. So what are you mad about? So in a marriage, and these are sort of traditional roles, but in a marriage, men and women are different. I don't have to think about technology. I just know it. My wife doesn't have to think about where things are in the house. She just knows them. She just knows. It would take me quite a long time to learn how to do laundry effectively. My wife just knows how to do it. I assume it's some sort of Borg-Coven, probably semi-Satanic mind-meld with all of the other women, but that's just the way that it is.
[1:24:02] So, if we take the male-female division of labor personally, we are making a fundamental error.
[1:24:17] Men are thinking about a lot of abstractions as a whole, and women do too as well, but men as a whole, it's a little bit more common for a man to come into a room and say, what did I come in here for? It's totally urgent that I go into this room to... Maybe the Fed rate should go up a little bit. Like, we're just that way, right? We're just that way. I can be thinking about immigration policy when I'm taking my shoes off. I'm focused on immigration policy, I don't think about my shoes. They're just off my feet, I'm more comfortable, I go into my slippers, and there we go. It's not that I don't care, it's that I'm caring about other things my brain is kind of designed for. And it's not that my wife doesn't care, it's that she is using the natural aspects of her brain that it is better designed for. So if you compare your weaknesses with a woman's strengths and you compare your woman's weaknesses with your strengths, you can very easily feel annoyed, resentful, and uncared for.
[1:25:43] As opposed to saying, we're different. It doesn't matter how many times I explain how technology works, it won't sink in. It doesn't matter how many times my wife explains where things are in the house, it won't sink in. I'm not trying to be obtuse, I'm trying to remember. And all that I remember is that I don't remember and I was told. All I remember is not what I should remember, but that I should remember. It's kind of annoying. And it's just the way my brain works. And it's the way that male and female brains, in general, tons of exceptions, are different.
[1:26:22] I do not try to educate my wife on technology. I will be there to help her when she needs it. Not if, but when. My wife knows that although when I'm playing a video game, I can spot a sniper that is one pixel wide on a 4K screen. I cannot see a jar of honey right in front of me in the cupboard. It is incomprehensible to her. If it's any consolation, it's also incomprehensible to me. But it is just the way the old brain doth work. So, ladies, he's not being obtuse. He's just being a man. Gentlemen, they're not being obtuse. They're just being women. And we've evolved for different things. And we focus on different things. And if you take your strengths, well, how is it that he can't remember where the cereal is? I've told him a dozen times he just doesn't remember and that's why when the guy said how come I don't think of my girlfriend when she's gone for a couple of days because you're a guy.
[1:27:45] I assume straight, because you said girlfriend. Maybe gay guys is different, but for straight guys, it's a little bit out of sight, out of mind. Very happy when they come back. Okay when they're gone. Why? Because we are conditioned and programmed and have within our limbic system and our neurological system the intense capacity to be away from our families. We go to work. We go on long-distance hunting trips. We go to war. Evolutionarily speaking, we're gone a lot. So out of sight, out of mind.
[1:28:24] Someone says, I find it endearing that my wife is willfully ignorant to our cars, the acreage of land we own, and infrastructure. I get genuinely mad when I know something's there and have to look for five minutes. Well, my wife does tidy. I know when she's been like the reverse entropy whirlwind through our house because all of my cords are in nice little bows. It's actually very nice. I love it. I love it. The ultimate homemaker. She's just amazing. Beautiful. It's beautiful. I still don't know why we need enough pillows that are decorative. Decorative, mind you, in order to build our own personal Mount Everest to climb. But, hey, it's all very pretty and it's all very nice. I love it. Yes, there's a difference in remembering dates. anniversaries, birthdays, etc.?
[1:29:20] Yes, absolutely. My wife today said, oh, it's so-and-so's birthday. My first question is not, oh, really? It is, who's so-and-so? Oh, yes, right. Birthday? Hang on, didn't she just have one? Oh, yeah, a year ago. She remembers. She knows. Brain like a steel trap for that stuff. It's amazing. It's beautiful. I don't understand it. I don't understand it. I have trouble remembering my own birthday from year to year. That's all right i have my specialties we all know that and my specialty is generating love and hatred in equal measures actually if i could get it to equal measures that would be that would be a plus yeah they remember dates they remember slights i've told you this before like if i have some friend i had some falling out with years ago i'm like whatever happened to that guy my wife's like boom boom boom boom boom volume 1 through 17 of what happened i'm like okay remind me never to annoy you. She knows. I can't remember these things. I can't. I'm very bad at holding on to being upset. I really am. Really bad at it. Why? Why did that? What happened there? And she's like, well, let me tell you. It's like, boom, right there, right? I don't recall.
[1:30:40] Not to forget, there's no dust in the house. My God, the dust is just gone. I love women. Oh, at the end of the day, I go upstairs, and I live in a hotel room. I live in a hotel room. Did you know that in order to not end up sleeping in a deep, soft canoe, mattresses need to be both rotated and flipped? Now, I don't spend a lot on a lot of things, but I'll spend on a mattress because that's a third of my life.
[1:31:20] My wife has extended the life of our mattress to the point where it's become functionally immortal. Even though I'm a constant battle with its coils and springs or whatever mysterious voodoo cushioning is going on down there. So I come up to my room, our room. I come up to our bedroom. The bed is made with a laser. Everything's put away. The cupboards are all closed. Everything's clean and nice and pretty and beautiful. Oh, it's so nice. I haven't experienced service like that since the time I stayed at the U.S. Grant. 400 bucks a night many years ago for business. Amazing. And the food is healthy and freshly made. And every time I open the fridge, there are sealed containers full of tantalizing goodies. It's beautiful.
[1:32:24] Because yeah my home says someone yeah my home is somehow always almost almost always spotless even with a two year old running around being married is the best yeah, I mean this morning I got up and went into the spare room and my wife was ironing, and she had no headphones on no podcast, no music. And I'm like, oh, look at you. I'm so content with my own thoughts. I'm just fine. And she's like, I am, in fact, very content with my own thoughts. And I'm like, how nice for you. Don't need any distractions at all. Excellent. It's just a difference. Celebrate the difference. Vive la différence. Celebrate the difference. See, one of the ways that men and women are set against each other is we're supposed to believe that we are like each other rather than celebrating the ways in which we're different. Right?
[1:33:22] Rather than celebrating. U.S. Grant, San Diego, that's right. Fantastic hotel. People were always like, when I was in my 20s doing business travel, people were like, you sure you want to do this trip? I'm like, yes, I'm a bachelor. I live in a run-down apartment. I would absolutely love to go to the U.S. Grant in San Diego. I really need to get myself a great woman. Life without one feels so incomplete. Completes, and that is true. It is. United we stand, divided we fall. So, women, your man cares. His brain doesn't work that way.
[1:34:11] If you want to know what a man is like with home details, imagine someone teaching you a couple of phrases in Japanese and expecting you to remember them a month later. It does not work. We want to remember. We know you care. We care that you care. We want ourselves to care. And our brain's like, but you don't. Sorry, I'm whiteboard erasing that shit. Sorry, I need to make room for the history of interest rates in the 1920s in case you need to argue with someone about whether the great the stock market crash of 1929 was caused by capitalism.
[1:34:59] We're making room for things we need, or we think we need, and really, it is not so much up to us. It is not really up to us what we remember and what we retain. You say, but if you cared about me more, you'd remember these things. And it's like, okay, well, if you cared about me more than you'd remember the difference between a PDF and a wireless printer. And you remember that when you print things, not to make them double-sided, and know how to change it from single-sided to double-sided and back. Nope. If you cared. No. She doesn't care. She doesn't remember.
[1:35:46] It's just the way that it is. We're just different. It is not up to me what I remember. Every now and then, I'll be watching her doing something or thinking about something, and something will just stick like a burr. Attached like a limpet mine, like a remora, like a tick, stays there, and I can't get rid of it even if I want. Sometimes when I'm watching a show and somebody says a phone number, I'm like, don't remember that. Don't let that get sticky. Oh, there's a combo to a safe. Oh, oh, look at that license plate in the bad guy's car. Don't remember that. Don't waste your brain space. It's not going to matter. Let it go. Because I'm not in control of what I remember or what I don't. I could do a little bit here and there, but I'm not fundamentally, because it's like, you know, you had a dream and then you don't talk about it or think about it that much for the first hour or two, and then it's gone. All you remember is that you had a great dream, but you didn't remember it for long enough because dreams go into real short-term memory, right? What I'm saying is that women's wishes are a dream, a fever dream. We don't remember. We don't remember. And my wife nods when I talk to her about technical things, but I can tell. Lights on, nobody home. Talking head style.
[1:37:12] And she is interested in the moment, and I'm sure she wants to remember. And when I stop yapping, her brain's like, the noise has ceased. Let us return to the hamster wheel of femininity. And it's racing away, doing wonderful, imaginable, unimaginable, incomprehensible, but endlessly beautiful stuff. And the household runs well, and our tech runs well.
[1:37:42] The volume on her phone is broken, and she won't get a new phone. I'm happy with my phone. Okay. Okay. Incomprehensible to me. I'm not saying an expensive phone. We could even get the same one. No, it's fine. Okay, but it's inefficient. And you have to keep doing things with a pin. And you keep turning your phone volume up, and it won't go down again. It's like my daughter you know we got her her first phone because she's working right and my daughter was like no I need a home button I need a home button because they take a lot of screenshots, I'm like but it's just no I'm used to the home button I'm like but they haven't made a home button in, well since people were painting with the blood of their enemies on cave walls Balls! Nope, it's what I want. Nope. Don't want to upgrade it. Don't want to change. It's what I want. She got some secondhand phone from 1972 because she needs a home button. Fine. But it's...
[1:38:59] Oh, yeah. Jealous of how well kept your house is. Oh, yeah. No, I mentioned. I mean, in another life, in another universe, I could do a walkthrough of my house and you all would be like, is this straight from the pages of Architectural Digest? And I'm like, nope. oh, she's just amazing at it. And especially because I work from home and she's home and her daughter's homeschooled and all of that. So it really matters. Like it really matters.
[1:39:21] So celebrate the difference, man. It's fun and funny when you get it. And it can be annoying and enraging when you don't. If your wife is complaining about something you've forgotten ask her a technical fact that you explained in the past and whether she remembers it and she'll find it funny, right like there's this general meme sequence about women who complain that a man has left a mess somewhere and then.
[1:40:02] The man shows the woman's side of the kitchen sink. Sorry, of the bathroom sink, and it's like full of every piece of voodoo vat known to man. If the men find out we can shapeshift, they're going to call the church. My wife won't replace her phone until it's actually fully broken. Yeah. Yeah. My daughter's got some hairline cracks. On her tablet. Nope. I'm fine. I could literally transfer it to the... So old? No, I love it. Well, I suppose that retaining things as a whole that are old is something I'm not going to poke around too much with regards to my wife. Enjoy the difference. Our brains are different. Don't take it personally. It's not personal. It's just the difference between men and women. Find it funny, because for everything that your husband does that you wish he did differently, you do things that your husband could go down the same path with, instead of getting annoyed at differences, enjoy them. Enjoy them. They're there to be appreciated and enjoyed.
[1:41:18] It's sort of like saying, well, I want to go and see the Dave Matthews band, and I only want to see four bassists up there. It's like, you really don't. No, no, I want to go and see whatever band you like.
[1:41:42] And it's only going to be four drummers. It's like, no, no, you need your bassist, your drummer, your guitarist, and your singer. Maybe a keyboardist. Right? The singer for Great White just died today. At 62, I think he was. And I was really into Sharks when I was younger, and I just remember they had a good song. The Great White, once bitten, twice shy. and I finally heard the song today because somebody had posted it because the singer died. I'm like, this is a terrible song.
[1:42:19] James says, I keep phones for ages but it recently required some divots on the screen so it is time to replace it. Well, why don't you, I mean, if you love the phone and it works for you, just, uh.
[1:42:33] It's got the screen replaced for like 70 bucks. I still use an old phone for audiobooks that has basically a three-hour battery life because you know what happens with phone batteries. After a while, they just don't recharge that much anymore, or at least that's the way it used to be. But I won't get a new one because I don't need more than three hours of audiobook at a time.
[1:42:57] Pairing socks is incomprehensible to me, but the first time I had a girl pair socks for me, Yeah, we may not all have the confidence of Woodrow Wilson, who, when he got married, presented a big basket of socks that needed to be darned, like to have the holes fixed, to his wife, to his new bride. Yeah, we are absolutely designed to work together in beautiful harmony. And that means not expecting your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend to be like you. And not taking it personally when they're not like you. And I think men we maybe understand this a little bit better because we haven't been subjected to as much uh the genders of the same propaganda the sexes of the same propaganda stuff man it's bad, it's bad we recognize that women are different delightfully incomprehensible as I've already said, so sit down and say okay tell me the things while it really bothers me and you do this like I don't I don't mean to my brain just doesn't work that way any more than your brain works on some of the the manly stuff that I do. Like, you don't understand my tools, and I don't understand the dishwasher. You don't understand the router, and I don't understand the laundry.
[1:44:14] So, enjoy the difference. Celebrate the difference. Recognize that without the difference, the difference in men and women's brains can be absolutely as pleasurable as the difference between men and women's sex organs, which is a source of great pleasure, as we all know. Learn to love it. Enjoy it. Viva la différence.
[1:44:42] All right, have I solved problems? Any other last tips? For the StefBot, always working hard to bring you as much happiness as humanly possible, we've dealt with Weasley apologies, non-apologies, making mistakes, freeing yourself, not projecting bad, people onto good people, depression, anxiety, social collapse, how to have a better relationship.
[1:45:05] We've covered it all, baby, in ways that measurably can improve your happiness and well-being.
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