Brothers, I need advice
Is there an equivalent of dropping the handkerchief today as an indication of interest? I talked to boomers about approaching and they said that women used to drop thousands of hints on them until they got it. They didn’t need to learn game, the small talk, how to be charming.
Best I got throughout these years was a few looks my way. I never knew if that was enough of an indication so I never went for it. So I’m wondering what happened to all that? Why should men do all the work of body language reading, taking the risk, learning how to flirt, being the salesman, and selling the product?
I feel like a bitch for not taking the initiative, being a leader, and approaching despite the fear or uncertainty.
Stef, If you go on X i'd happily subscribe there too. (or double my donation)
Is the possible financial incentive that is there not enough?
People might mostly be looking for entertainment, but ideas are still planted, lives still changed.
As a philosopher, don't you just go where the people are?
The live spaces are just another platform
How should a young person approach their first romantic relationship? Would it be ideal to search for someone with the goal to build a family in the near future?
If a young man wants to spend his youth building a business till he's 35yo, what will his romantic life look like? When he's 20, a good 20yo woman will not want to wait for 15 years to start a family with him. Then who can he be in a relationship with?
Dear Stef, I feel a little uncomfortable maybe even a little effeminate for lack of a better word, when I say hello to a woman at a bar or a nightclub?
What is the best way to greet a woman i am trying to ask out on a date? Is it ‘Hello’, ‘G’day’ as is sometimes used here in Australia, I generally like to use this as it sounds the most masculine, ‘How you going?’, ‘How’s your night?’ . Whilst these slight variations may seem insignificant you do know Stef that women are particularly picky about man’s choice of words in the wooing process. For example, I recently greeted a young woman at the nightclub by saying ‘Are you Anya Taylor-Joy?’. This woman responded with a face that wasn’t enthusiastic to me, it was a look of disinterest and even more than that, it’s like her face was saying ‘every second you continue to talk to me is causing me immense discomfort, even pain?’ I quickly noticed she wasn’t making direct eye contact, she was looking down. I showed her a photo of Anya Taylor-Joy on my phone and she didn’t say anything and because she looked so uncomfortable I just left quickly when I noticed how pissed of her facial expression was. This woman was doing seductive dance moves in the nightclub at the top of the nightclub next to me & downstairs too so I thought because of proximity interest signalling that she might be trying to get my attention. Anyhow Stef do you think that it was a good pick up line to compare a woman to a famous actress, especially a young & very beautiful actress? It seems more unique and more of a conversation starter than a generic ‘Hello’. I don’t believe this woman was Anya Taylor-Joy because I live in Australia and I believe Anya-Taylor Joy has a boyfriend so I don’t think she would randomly be in a nightclub in Australia. This woman looked very youthful but there was slight aging under this woman’s eyes so I believe this woman must have been in her mid 20’s to late 20’s just like Anya-Taylor Joy. I have not seen aging under the actress Anya Taylor-Joy’s eyes but maybe it’s because she gets all make-up on her in movies. This woman was probably the height of Anya Taylor-Joy too & skinny, she had an identical body like Anya Taylor-Joy and this woman was about my height & I’m almost 6 foot like you Stef, so it may have been Anya-Taylor Joy but I think probably not, she looked strikingly similiar to Anya Taylor-Joy but not identical, I think. Just to show you a photo of Anya Taylor-Joy from the movie ‘The Northman’ you know the famous photo where she is glaring at the horizon with those famous big eyes, so you know what woman I’m talking about Stef. Stef I’ve heard it’s not a good idea to compare a woman to another woman, but surely being compared to a famous actress especially Anya Taylor-Joy is an acceptable gesture maybe even a compliment to a woman, would you agree Stef? Have you ever complimented a woman you were trying to woo by complimenting her by saying she looks like a beautiful famous actress or celebrity?
0:00 - Introduction to Relationships
5:58 - The Art of Listening
8:33 - Navigating Young Relationships
13:55 - Building a Strong Partnership
14:12 - The Importance of Vetting
16:27 - Approaching Women in Social Settings
19:08 - Understanding Women's Reactions
23:51 - Personal Experiences and Lessons
In this episode, I delve deep into the intricacies of modern relationships and the evolving dynamics between men and women. Addressing a question from one of my dedicated listeners, I explore the notion of signaling interest—a concept that seems to have dwindled over time. I discuss how the art of subtlety, once a mainstay in courtship, has transformed, leaving many, especially men, feeling bewildered and responsible for deciphering a complex array of signals. Through anecdotes and analogies, I emphasize the importance of mutual vulnerability in relationships and the inherent risks both genders take in romantic engagement.
The conversation flows toward the risks women face in choosing partners, highlighting the historical context of women's dependency on men for resources amid the backdrop of evolutionary imperatives. I tackle the notion that men often overlook these risks while fixating on their own challenges in dating. By shifting perspectives, I remind listeners that while men may feel the pressure to initiate contact and to “sell themselves,” women too are navigating a landscape fraught with uncertainty when it comes to relationships. This complexity is, I argue, a crucial aspect of understanding today’s dating culture.
Moving beyond romantic tension, I address the broader implications of value within relationships. The emphasis on personal worth leads us to discuss how affection is often contingent on the ability to provide value—be it emotional, financial, or intellectual. I bridge this to the significance of shared values and the merging of paths in relationship building. Drawing from various real-life examples and presenting statistical insights, I outline practical steps for fostering successful partnerships, particularly for young men hesitant to embark on the dating journey.
Through a deeper examination of what constitutes a healthy romantic relationship, I challenge listeners to consider the qualities they seek in partners. From educational backgrounds to emotional intelligence, I advocate for a vetting process that encourages compatibility beyond mere attraction. This discussion invites listeners to reflect on their motivations for pursuing relationships and the importance of meaningful communication to navigate potential pitfalls, including feelings of rejection and insecurity.
I also tackle the uncomfortable yet common experiences of approaching women in public settings like bars and nightclubs, offering insights on effective communication strategies. By dissecting personal stories of successes and failures in these encounters, I invite listeners to reconsider their approaches, focusing on genuine interest rather than superficial compliments. My reflections on the psychological nuances of attraction and dating dynamics culminate in an understanding that every interaction carries greater weight than immediate perceptions may suggest.
As we close the conversation, I encourage a mindset shift that emphasizes compassion and understanding, advocating for the recognition that a woman's behavior may stem from various external influences rather than a direct judgment of one's value. This reminder that it is not always about us serves to foster emotional resilience and maturity in navigating relationships. Join me as I challenge conventional dating notions and inspire a thoughtful discourse on how to genuinely connect with others in a world where signals are often misread.
[0:00] Good morning, everybody. Stefan Molyneux from Freedomain. Great questions from freedomain.locals.com. I hope you will check out the community. Is there an equivalent of dropping the handkerchief today as an indication of interest? I talked to boomers about approaching, and they said that women used to drop thousands of hints on them until they got it. They didn't need to learn game. The small talk had to be charming. Best I got throughout these years was a few looks my way. I never knew if that was enough of an indication, so I never went for it. So I'm wondering what happened to all that. Why should men do all the work of body language reading, taking the risk, learning how to flirt, being the salesman and selling the product. I feel like a bitch for not taking the initiative, being a leader and approaching despite the fear or uncertainty.
[0:41] Yeah, so women take the massive risk of getting pregnant and having babies and relying on a man to support them for the rest of their lives. Lives when they get older, wrinkled, and unattractive, and the man gains in resources and thus is more attractive to younger women. So women are taking their risks. Oh, man, it is so easy to look at what's difficult for you and easy for other people and never look at what's easy for other people, what's difficult for other people and easy for you. So women take a massive risk in who they choose to procreate with, right? The man could be a hound dog, the man could leave them, the man could not pay his bills, the man could become a drunk, he could become abusive and all all of that and okay i understand the woman could be mean and abusive too but there's a baby involved so if the man decides to leave and remember throughout most of human history the man could just leave right you understand the man could just leave i think they were the wild west right the man could just go west go west right he could just go somewhere else everywhere in all of human history throughout almost all countries a man could go elsewhere right there wasn't all of this tracking there wasn't all of this id stuff there wasn't all of these bank accounts right you could just go elsewhere and start your life anew. So women were taking a massive risk. So
[2:03] A woman needs to know that you really are attracted to her as a person, but she also needs to attract you with her looks. So this is a big contradiction and a complexity for women, right? In the same way that a man wants to be loved for who he is, but he also must be loved for the resources he can provide because women, when they're constantly having babies and nursing babies and raising toddlers, can't go out and get their own resources very much. Otherwise, their babies die. So we all want to be loved for who we are. that is for baby infancy toddlerhood and early childhood after that time you're gonna have to be loved for what you provide look let's be honest how many of you guys wake up in the morning and say oh i wonder how Stef's doing i wonder if he had a good night's sleep i wonder if he's uh feeling happy i want i just i i wonder no you don't you don't and i understand that and i don't fault you for that at all.
[2:58] Why do you care about me? You don't care about me, qua me. You care about the value that I can provide to you. And that's nothing wrong with that. I don't fault you for that. I'm not a Kantian in that sense. So yes, indeed, you should indeed, you should indeed care about the value that I provide for you, not for me, qua me. Me, qua me, that's for my family, that's for my friends, that's for the people in my life that I love and who love me. But even then, you will never escape the requirement to provide value.
[3:36] The only people who don't have to provide value in order to receive affection are babies and toddlers. Now, you say, young children, okay, sure. At some point, you know, in the late single digits, children have to start providing value because you're preparing them for adulthood, and you don't want to give them infinite affection and not require them to provide any value and then dump them on the harsh, cold marketplace of human value exchange when they're 18, and they're like, wheeze, like those crows, So those crows, their mothers feed them their whole life. And then what they do when they get out into the wild, out of the nest, they just open their beaks and wait for the worms to jump into their mouth. And they can't quite figure out that that's not what happens. So you do have to start expecting your children to provide value. All adulthood is an exchange of value. My wife brings me value. I bring my wife value. You cannot be loved for who you are after the age of nine. You just shouldn't be. It's wrong. It's unhealthy. healthy. You have to be loved for the value that you provide.
[4:38] And so, uh, when you say that, uh, well, you know, women, uh, they don't do much. It's like, no, no, no. Women do a lot. Women do a lot. And what women do is they work on their appearance enormously, right? They work in there. They learn the art of makeup. Do you know how thankful I am almost every day that I never had to learn the art of makeup outside of my work in the theater world? I never had to learn the art to make up. Beautiful. Women figure out which outfits are most flattering. Women exercise. Women work on their appearance. They learn which hairstyles are most attractive to their faces, right? I mean, for God's sakes, go to a drugstore. When I was a kid, oh, you go to the drugstore, I bet you there'll be lots of stuff for healing. It's like, no, there's lots of stuff for pulling dick. That's really all that there is in drugstores. Like more than half of the drugstore is women striving to be attractive. So women are doing a huge amount of work. In order to be attractive, the least you can do is go and talk to them. It's really sad. It's really sad. Stef, if you go on X, formerly Twitter, I'd happily subscribe there too, or double my donation. Is the possible financial incentive that is there not enough? People might mostly be looking for entertainment, but ideas are still planted, lives are still changed. As a philosopher, don't you just go where the people are?
[5:59] The live spaces are just another platform.
[6:08] So, um, the tip about all of this is if you want me to do something, this is true in life as a whole. If you want someone to do something that you want that person to do, right? The first thing you need to do is not tell them something, but listen. You need to listen. I mean, come on, you've heard enough call-in shows. Like I got a two and a half hour call-in show. I spend the first hour to an hour and a half, sometimes hour and three quarters, just asking questions and listening. I mean, if you've ever been in sales, you know that the first three quarters of any sales presentation is gathering resources. You go and say, Ha, hey, Miss Real Estate Agent, could you do me a favor? I'd like to buy a place to live. Does she just say, great, I'll send you some listings?
[7:16] No. Oh, what are you looking for? Oh, do you have any kids? Oh, are you married? Oh, do you want to have kids? Oh, what kind of neighborhood do you want to live in? What's your budget? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's your clip. You ask questions. As a philosopher, don't you just go to where the people are? Well, as a doctor, don't you just start giving MRIs to people at the dinner party? Because that's where the people are. As a doctor, don't you just grind up antibiotics and put them in people's drinks? Because that's where people are ingesting things. It's like, no. As a doctor, you ask people a bunch of questions before you start treating them. So when you want me to do something like go on x and you haven't asked me a single question, and in fact you're bribing me you're bribing me uh then i've obviously answered this question a million times before so i'm not going to do it again but this is the big tip in life i don't know why people don't do this i genuinely have no idea why people don't do this if you want me to do something.
[8:22] And you don't ask me any questions, but you just say, do this. I'll give you money. I'm not your financial surf whore. Good Lord, how insane.
[8:34] All right, how should a young person approach their first romantic relationship? You mean with their hand. Would it be ideal to search for someone with the goal to build a family in the near future if a young man wants to spend his youth building a business till he's like 35? What would his romantic life look like when he's 20? a good 20 year old woman will not want to wait for 15 years to start a family with him then who can he be in a relationship with right right so um i'll do a presentation on this but um, you know it's not that hard to not break up it's not that hard to not get divorced you just need to do the research and the research fortunately is out there so if you get an educated woman with a reasonably high IQ, who knows what her values are, who doesn't have a super high body count, and you talk about shared values and ways to resolve conflicts ahead of time, your chances of divorce are virtually nil. Oh, 50%, 50%.
[9:36] Yeah, well, that's like saying that there's X number of percentage of people who just die lung cancer without dividing them into the smokers and the non-smokers sure non-smokers get lung cancer but it's kind of rare so this uh if you want to enter into a relationship the best thing, the best way to build a business is to have a great partner a great woman for the male perspective to have a great woman go look at conor mcgregor that he lived in this crappy little flat with his His wife and he hated training and she kept encouraging him to go training, reminded him of his goals, got him motivated, got him pumped. If you want a great business, the best thing that you can do is marry a great woman or be with a great woman if marriage is not to your taste or whatever. Marriage is better, but so that's how you build a great business.
[10:30] Because let's say you get to 35, you've built a great business, and then you start dating. Okay, so who's left? Who's left? Who's left? Who is left, right? It's the beer goggles, right? The beer goggles at 2 o'clock in the morning at the bar. At 2 o'clock in the morning at the bar, who are the women who were left? Who are the men who were left? Well, the people that nobody chose, the people that are left over, the detritus. I mean, I met my wife in my 30s, so it's not 100%, but I just kind of won the lottery, So I want to remind people of the fragility of trying to get the 0.1% of the bell curve and call it the average. So who's left? Now, here's the problem, too. So let's say that you build your business and you're 35 and you're a millionaire. Daddy McWarbucks.
[11:15] And then what happens? Well, you're trying to go and get a woman. And you're a millionaire. Well, then what happens is you now have to worry about the gold diggers. All right that's your that's your challenge that's your problem now is what about the gold digger so in when you're younger you're like well you know but the woman uh she has i don't have any proof of her yet i don't have any this i don't have any that and then you try and get a woman when you're wealthy when you are concerned about the gold diggers and how camouflaged they are and you won't feel loved for who you are you'll feel loved for the money because the money's going to overshadow to a large degree who you are it's like a woman who has an overtly hypersexual presentation, right? It's like tits up and forward, but I want to be left for who I am. Like massive cleavage, hey, eyes are up here. It's like, well.
[12:02] Cleavage is like a gravity well for men's eyes. Down we go. Fight it up, but you know.
[12:10] For men's eyes to hover above cleavage is like Fred Flintstone running off a cliff. And then, right? It's going to fall eventually. So, What you want to do is you want to build your business with your wife. And that way, she is rewarded for sticking by you and helping you and being your support system and so on. And then you have some kids, and that's another good reason to work hard and do all of this wonderful stuff. So, no.
[12:42] All right. So, yeah, I mean, if you, maybe I'll put a show together, the 10 questions to ask. And when I say a woman is educated, I don't necessarily mean in sort of formal brain-mashing indoctrination camps. I mean, is she curious about the world? Does she like to learn? Does she like to read? Does she read fiction? If she reads fiction, particularly older fiction before it became all propagandized nonsense.
[13:09] But, you know, propaganda is the Sauron ring of power that leads artists astray, and then they want to affect change rather than speak the truth. And so if the woman is well read, if she's educated, whether it's formal or self, if she has morals and virtues, if she comes from a stable family, that's a plus. or if she's dealt with the instability within her family, that's another plus. If she has the capacity to negotiate, if she empathizes with you, if she's civilized and reasonable, and you have these, we don't yell, we don't call names, we don't intimidate, we reason things through, and so on, and you have all of those agreements, and then you practice it before you get married, what can I tell you? That's the best chance you have.
[13:56] That's the best chance you have. Yeah. The chances of divorce when you follow the right steps are negligible. It's like a couple of percentage points. Negligible. And some of those divorces would be for things outside of not getting along.
[14:13] Dear Stef, I feel, and I've been talking about this, by the way, having vetting conversations with women. I've been talking about this from the very beginning. All right. Dear Stef, I feel a little uncomfortable, maybe even a little effeminate, for lack of a better word, when I say hello to a woman at a bar or a nightclub. What is the best way to greet a woman? I'm trying to ask out on a date. Is it hello? G'day, as is sometimes used here in Australia. No. I generally like to use this as it sounds the most masculine. How's it going? How's your night? Tonight, whilst these slight variations may seem insignificant, you do know, Stef, that women are particularly picky about a man's choice of words in the wooing process. For example, I recently greeted a young woman at the nightclub by saying, Are you Anya Tyler-Joy? This woman responded with a face that wasn't enthusiastic to me. It was a look of disinterest, and even more than that, it's like her face was saying, Every second you continue to talk to me is causing me immense discomfort, even pain. I quickly noticed she wasn't making direct eye contact. She was looking down. I showed her a photo of Anya Taylor-Joy on my phone and she didn't say anything and because she looked so uncomfortable, I just left quickly but I noticed how pissed off her facial expression was. The woman was doing seductive dance moves in the nightclub, at the top of the nightclub next to me and downstairs too. So I thought, because of her proximity, interest signaling that she might be trying to get my attention. Anyway, Stef, do you think that it was a good pickup line to compare a woman to a famous actress, especially a young and very beautiful actress that seems more unique and more of a conversation starter than a generic hello?
[15:38] I don't believe this woman was Anya Taylor-Joy because I live in Australia and I believe Anya Taylor-Joy has a boyfriend. So I don't think this, oh my God, she would randomly be in a nightclub in Australia. This woman looked very youthful, but there was slight aging under this woman's eyes. So I believe that this woman must've been in her mid twenties to late twenties, just like Anya Taylor-Joy. I don't even know who this woman is. I have not seen aging under the actress Anya Taylor-Joy's eyes, but maybe it's because she gets all makeup on in her movies. This woman was probably the height of Anya Taylor-Joy too and skinny. Oh my God, what's the matter with you? And had an identical body like Anya Taylor-Joy. And this woman was about my height. I'm almost six foot like you, Stef. So it may have been Anya Taylor-Joy, but I think probably not. She looked striking. Oh my God, I kind of skipped this session with Anya Taylor-Joy, whoever that is. Oh, she was from The Northman. That's a movie I walked out of. All right.
[16:28] Okay. Have you ever complimented a woman you were trying to woo by complimenting her by saying she looks like a beautiful, famous actress or celebrity?
[16:37] I don't know. I mean, why are you trying to meet women in places that are so loud? Why are you trying to meet women in bars and nightclubs and discos and so on? That's not going to work. I mean, because you're just going to get hearing damage and tinnitus later on in life from screaming in people's ears. You look like a hot woman. Okay. So the woman, I don't know what her response was. So please understand that there are women who are sadists out there, right? And the women who are sadists very much enjoy dressing to the nines and then scorning men. Right? So because they're dressing to the nines and dressing up and looking fantastic, they're giving men power over them, and then to level up, they then want power over men by rejecting men. So just understand this. I'm not saying it's a lot of women, but there are women out there who are sadists and who will dress up to attract a man and then scorn every man who approaches her. It is a form of attraction signaling to reject men. Because if she's that good looking, and I suppose Anya Taylor-Joy is very good looking. So if she's that good looking, then she's going to want a man who's very wealthy. Now, how does a man become very wealthy? In a woman's eyes, right? In a woman's eyes, because they get all these cliches, right? So how do men become very wealthy according to women? Well, they are relentless and insistent.
[17:55] So they don't take no for an answer, right? I mean, look at, you know, the scene from Glengarry Glen Ross with Shudy McFick here.
[18:07] And it's just, you know, your relentless coffee is for closers. Your relentless, you just keep pushing and just keep pushing, right? So I'm not saying this is right to do with regards to women, but a lot of women say that the best way to determine if a man is going to be successful is can he overcome objections? Can he overcome obstacles? obstacles so they they play negative and they see if you back down and run away now this is not healthy behavior i'm not saying it's healthy behavior but it is what a lot of women will do they will look for a man who will overcome obstacles now please please understand it's not healthy don't do it do not do it because it's a very dysfunctional personality structure to because she's sifting for sociopaths she's sifting and and selecting for men who don't have any fear of rejection. And men who don't have any fear of rejection tend to be cold-hearted sociopaths. So then she says that she's got a man who just can't show affection and can't share his feelings. It's like, well, you selected for that. You selected for a man who doesn't show fear. And because he doesn't show fear, he doesn't experience his own emotions.
[19:08] He's not emotionally available. He doesn't pair bond. He's not affectionate. He'll use you for sex and move on. And then you go, oh my God, men are just so terrible, so terrible.
[19:16] I mean, I remember at a New Year's Eve party many, many years ago. When I was single, I went up and started chatting with a woman and she was very standoffish and skittish and frightened and negative. Now, of course, I don't know. I sort of say this to my daughter when we have a, we were at brunch yesterday and the waitress was kind of surly, right? And I said, I mean, you don't know, maybe she just got the worst news of her life. Maybe her father just.
[19:43] Was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Maybe she just broke up. Maybe she had a miscarriage. I don't know. Like, I don't know. I don't know. Uh, it's the old thing that every now and then we've all been in a big rush in traffic for some emergency. And so when somebody is cutting the corners and weaving in and out, you can get mad at them or you can say, I hope that they get their wife to the hospital in time for the baby to be born in the hospital or whatever. Right?
[20:10] So uh you don't know i i don't know this woman my boyfriend might have just broken up with her she might have just found out that he was cheating she might have uh been diagnosed with i don't know some cyst on her ovaries she she could have i could she could have just failed some important exam she could have uh found out that her father is not really her like you don't know you don't know what's going on with people's lives and to take it personally is kind of narcissistic so when somebody behaves in a negative manner towards you and you take it personally sorry that's kind of narcissistic. It's solipsistic. It's I, me, me, I. She's a complete blank slate and all she does is evaluate me and she's coming from a completely neutral space. She has no moods of her own and she might have had a stinky, viscerally smelly guy hitting on her all night and she's out of patience. She might be completely panicking about getting married and having kids. Her last boyfriend might have only been with her for her looks, and then he left her, right? So it could be any number of reasons as to why she's, I mean, God, please, please, please stop making everything about you in the world. It's narcissistic, it's selfish, it's solipsistic, it's mirror gazing, and it is fundamentally unempathetic.
[21:29] It's unempathetic. Why do some people hate me? Is it because of me? Nope. I'm actually a very nice guy. I wish the best for the world. I'm kind of funny and engaging and very affectionate and all of that. So people hate me because of their own situations and issues. That's it. Their own situations and issues. I mean, because if good people love me, and they do, and I love good people, so if good people love me, all the people who hate me are not doing it because of their sound moral judgment. And I conform to, I mean, because I discovered and invented the rational proof of secular ethics and my life conforms to the non-aggression principle and aesthetically preferable actions. So I know that I'm moral. So the only reason that people would hate me is because I interfere with some goal or objective of theirs, or they've just had a really bad day and they want to take it out on someone. And in general, people who have really bad days almost always take out their fear, frustration, anger, and rage on the most reasonable person around. This is why people pick on Christians as the most reasonable. How much courage does it take to pick on people whose philosophy tells them to love their enemies, right? So when people have frustration in their lives, they generally take out those frustrations on the most reasonable person around. So it's actually a compliment when immature people rail at you because it means that they're branding you as rational and reasonable and so on, right?
[22:56] I mean, the lions choose to pick on the creatures who are least likely to fight violently or viciously, right?
[23:06] So it's kind of a compliment. So if some woman doesn't respond to your advances, you can say, look, I'm not appealing to you. I get that. I'm really, really sorry for interfering. I get that. But to say that, oh my gosh, she's had some massive objective judgment of my fundamental level of attractiveness for all women and she's coming from a completely neutral place and it's all me, me, me, I, me, me. She doesn't have any interior life of her own. There could be no possible reason why she might be in a bad mood. There could be no possible reason why she's being negative towards me that comes from her, not me. Oh, my God.
[23:45] Oh, my God. It's not all about you. I mean, gosh, what can I tell you?
[23:52] Here's an armpit. What can I tell you? Oh, man. So let me tell you a story. Still remember the woman's name? She wanted it pronounced in the European fashion. So, when I went through a transformation, I write about this in The God of Atheists, I went through a transformation from ugly duckling to fairly youthful man stud, right? I just, I went through this, doesn't really matter particularly how or why, but a relative came and was kind of shocked that my bowl cut and bad clothing got me a cool haircut, got me good clothing, got me skin cream and all of that. And I went from a guy that nobody wanted to look at twice from the female perspective to a guy who could get virtually the top tier of girls. And this all happened in like a week. I very clearly remember when I got this makeover, I got this makeover.
[24:49] I went to school and nobody talked to me. My friends didn't talk to me because everyone thought I was the new kid. It's a wild thing just how the outside can change the inside, right? So it was a very interesting look. I was still the same guy, but I looked way better. Well, no, I wasn't the same guy. I was the guy with male investment. right somebody saying oh my god you're a good looking kid what are you doing like dressed like this looking like this blah blah blah blah right so, there was this girl i really liked her she was one of the prettiest girls in school so i asked her out with my newfound brain swell confidence plus i started exercising and all of that right so i asked her out.
[25:34] And we went for a walk. And I remember we were in this park, and there was a bridge over a river, and nothing was going on. I'm a pretty decent conversationalist. Nothing was going on conversation-wise. She was just not saying much of anything, staring. And, of course, part of me was like, well, does she not like me? Am I saying something? Because it's, you know, I, me, me, I, the mirrored glasses of, like, introspective. Eternal fascination with the South. Fly disco eyes. And I remember walking over to the edge of the bridge and saying, wow, that's a really fast-flowing river. At the same time, I'm like, right, oh, my God, this is like the worst conversation known to man. Oh, look, what a fast-flowing river. Oh, it's really sad, really. I mean, that's no game like you just blew up your entire Monopoly set, right? So anyway, it doesn't hugely matter, but years later, years later, I had lunch with her. This was after high school, and she revealed to me, I don't really want to get into details. Let's just say an unbelievably catastrophic family catastrophe had happened that week.
[26:57] So wasn't I the jerk for making it all about me rather than saying, you seem really upset. The drop the date thing is like, is there anything that you want to talk about or anything I can do to help? Now, of course, I was like, what, 15 at the time, or 16 or whatever it was. So, no, that's 15. So, I mean, I'm not going back and saying you should have had that level of, you know, whatever, empathy or curiosity or maturity or whatever. But nonetheless, it was the fact that, She'd had this unbelievably catastrophic family disaster happen that week. And that's why she wasn't able to talk because she wanted, and it was actually a compliment to me, right? You understand? She found me nice and attractive enough to go on a date with me, even with this family catastrophe. She didn't cancel it, right? So what I thought of was as a rejection of me was actually a massive compliment towards me.
[27:53] It's not all about you. It's not all about you. It's not all about you. It's not all about you. It's not all about you. you other people have their issues and their problems and it's not all about you and once you get that then you can actually have compassion to people and recognize that a rejection of you is not about you and it doesn't matter whether you say something about what Anna Nicole whatever her name was Smith was my my generation what matters is that you approach the woman because you like her spirit, not just because she's hot and you want to have sex with her and so on, but there's something about her, so the laugh, the eyes, the shine, the gestures, the body language, there's something about her, that you find appealing more than just the flesh. And you talk to her because you want to get to know her, but if you approach a woman only because of the flesh, then you are going to use her like a butcher to consume for lust. And women sense that, and while that might be sexy to some women, And after a certain amount of time, they have a physical gut level, base of the intestine, vomit, revulsion towards it. Women get really tired of being fucked and fucked over. So if you're not interested in the woman's character, personality, virtues, and intellect, leave her alone.
[29:13] Leave her alone. You are just sowing the seeds of a barren future for you and for her and for our society as a whole. All right. Almost time for my 11 a.m. show.
[29:24] So lots of love everyone take care i'll talk to you soon freedomain.com donate if you find these old convos helpful so have yourself a wonderful day we'll talk to you soon bye.
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