MY GUILTY PLEASURE!

FREEDOMAIN CALL IN SHOW 29 Oct 2023

Hosts discuss guilty pleasure TV, encourage donations, share personal stories, embrace adversity for growth, promote humility in conversations, highlight talk therapy, and thank listeners.

2023, Stefan Molyneux

https://www.freedomain.com/donate

Join the PREMIUM philosophy community on the web for free! Get access to the audiobook for my new book 'Peaceful Parenting,' StefBOT-AI, private livestreams, premium call in shows, the 22 Part History of Philosophers series! See you soon! https://freedomain.locals.com/support/promo/UPB2022

Generated Shownotes

Chapters

0:00:00 Introduction and Donation Request
0:10:20 Mixed Feelings About Friends
0:13:29 The Vanishing Act of Relationships
0:20:45 The Power of Pair Bonding and Shared Values
0:24:55 Destroying the Pair Bond: Women's Shift to the State
0:31:27 The Hypocrisy of Trump's Business Start-Up
0:34:49 Pretty Girl Corruption and Pharmaceutical Reps
0:42:41 Lust vs. Virtues: The Cycle of Disappointment
0:43:49 The Illusion of Pair Bonding and Political Desirability
0:47:52 Confessions and Bitterness in Relationships
0:55:11 Bonding with ideology over people and its consequences
0:59:39 Bonding with ideology due to parental influence
1:03:15 The disconnect between abstract virtues and personal actions
1:06:42 Setting the conversation ground rules
1:10:35 Discussing the significance of knowing someone's history
1:14:14 Examining the caller's dating and relationship experiences
1:17:45 The Consequences of Fear in Relationships
1:21:27 Procrastination and the need for self-analysis
1:28:59 Excuses and explanations for personal challenges
1:34:15 Kick in the Butt: Overcoming Fear of Rejection
1:39:02 Striving for Excellence: Being the Best Show in History
1:43:03 Fear of Rejection: The Truth About Men and Women
1:44:29 Feeling down and questioning self-worth
1:50:55 The Impact of Being Dull and Negative
1:53:25 Embracing Your Light and Taking Risks
1:58:33 Overcoming Childhood Trauma and Self-Love Journey Begins
2:00:07 Overcoming Childhood Repression and Anger
2:01:09 Struggles of Recognition and Quality
2:11:50 The Importance of Respectful Listening
2:15:03 Talk Therapy and Making Time for Personal Growth

Long Summary

In this episode, we delve into a discussion about various TV shows we have been watching and reveal some of our guilty pleasures. We take this opportunity to promote our novel and kindly ask for donations to support the show. But we also want to hear from you, our audience, about the shows that you secretly enjoy watching but wouldn't necessarily brag about. We share our own thoughts on popular shows and provide recommendations for a show that we personally enjoy.

Moving on, we express our frustration with someone who lacks self-trust and constantly expresses negativity towards their own abilities. Drawing from our personal experiences, we recount the times we have faced threats and attacks while giving public speeches. These experiences have shaped us deeply and have made us realize the importance of embracing our struggles and acknowledging them as part of our growth. We firmly believe that dismissing these experiences as mere mistakes is disrespectful and fails to capture the true essence of someone's journey.

We encourage our listeners to ask questions and approach conversations with humility in order to truly understand and empathize with others. Talk therapy emerges as a crucial tool in dealing with insecurities and self-doubt. We suggest that if someone has time to date, they should also make time for therapy, noting that online options can be just as effective.

We express our gratitude for the caller's openness and willingness to listen, as it creates an atmosphere of understanding and growth. As we wrap up, we thank everyone for joining us in this enlightening conversation and wish them a fantastic day ahead.

Brief Summary

In this episode, we discuss guilty pleasure TV shows, encourage donations to support the show, and ask listeners to share their secret favorites. We share personal experiences facing adversity and emphasize the importance of embracing struggles as part of personal growth. We promote humility in conversations, highlight the value of talk therapy, and express gratitude for listener engagement. Thank you for joining us!

Tags

guilty pleasure TV shows, donations, support, secret favorites, personal experiences, adversity, embracing struggles, personal growth, humility, conversations, talk therapy, gratitude, listener engagement

Transcript

Introduction and Donation Request

[0:00] Well, good morning, everybody. Stefan Molyneux from Free Domain.
Good Lord, it's near the end of October. Wowsie. Can you believe it?
I can. Still feels like sci-fi futuristic Futurama to me, but it's still 499 years to go until we get to my wonderful novel called The Future, which you should definitely check out at freedomain.com slash books.
If you are listening and you would like to help out the show it is, of course, most deeply and gratefully appreciated, my friends, if you can go to freedomain.com/donate, I would really, really appreciate that.
Super helpful, actually more than helpful, uh, fairly necessary freedomain.com/donate.
And we also will take a, we can take some live tips here, actually, believe it or not, Ripley's believe it or don't.
And let me just get that.

[0:57] Zink, Z-I-N-K, Zink.tips.freedomain, you can help me out, Zink.tips.freedomain.
We are in a race with regards to others, the other platforms.
Other platforms I get some tips, I like doing the voice chats but I have to, you know, I need to be responsible for the income and see if I can get tips there as well.
All right, well, maybe we'll do a short show today. If we all aren't chatty, it's kind of funny, right?
Because I do the show so I can talk with people, but if you all aren't chatty, then I might as well do the one with more tips.
So no biggie, no biggie.
So yeah, zinc.tips slash free domain. So I guess I have a, is it a shameful confession?

[1:49] Yes, probably a little bit of a shameful confession. In the chat, hit me with a why, if you don't mind a mildly shameful confession.
I mean, I think we all have them, don't we? Little things here and there that we're like, ooh, I'm not proud, but I'm going to try and get some good stuff out of it.
Because, you know, I don't want you all to think that I'm any kind of paragon of virtue or eternally positive and never have any temptation. So yeah, mildly, mildly guilty secret.
Tell me if you've ever heard of a show entitled The Morning Show.
Have you ever heard of a show called The Morning Show? Morning, M-O-R-N-I-N-G, although I suppose with regards to my integrity and virtue, I'm in mourning for M-O-U-R-N-I-N-G, The Morning Show.
Now I could blame it on my wife.

[2:45] And I'm tempted by that as well, but given that I have already given in to the temptation to watch Bits of the Morning show, I might as well say, Oh, she's a big Jennifer Aniston fan, it's some Greek thing, so, she's the reason I did it, it wasn't me, she's the reason.
Is that a news show? Oh, I wish it was. It is not a news show.
It is a show on Apple TV, and you know, every now and then you get these offers of like free stuff, so I can say that, right?
At least that's a vague, sad defense, but yes, it is a show.

[3:21] It is with, I mean, the acting is pretty good, Jennifer Aniston, blonde girl Reese Witherspoon, And a couple of other people that I've recognized.
The guy from Cameron Crowe's rock and roll movie, can't remember.
So anyway, there's some good acting, the writing is not bad, the people are pretty, the sets are pretty, the stakes are relatively high, and so I have dipped in.
Now, I'm not alone in this. To hit me with a show that you have watched or are watching, don't make me feel alone in all of this, my friends.
If you have a show that you have watched or are watching that you wouldn't necessarily list as your first virtue at the pearly gates in the afterlife.
Have you had a show that's gone that way for you?

[4:24] Come on, don't make me feel... I can't be the only one who has a guilty...
Oh, Game of Thrones! Yeah, Game of Thrones. That was an odd show, man.
That was... I watched a couple of episodes. That was about as nihilistic and ugly a show as could be conceived of. Prison Break. Well, Prison Break, I did watch some of that, and Prison Break was, again, somewhat nihilistic, but I, you know, I'm a sucker for brother bond Movies and but brother bond shows.

[4:56] Californication. Oh my gosh That was like watching the surgery channel. I mean, it's like I guess it's instructive, but I really don't want to see, Californication and also David Duchovny who's in that I didn't he have a sex addiction red shoe diaries kind of style And I think that the show was pretty pretty autobiographical. But yeah, Dexter I never watched that pretty little liars I, I think I watched about 20 minutes of the first one, seeing if it would be any good for my daughter, and it wasn't.
I could not make it through Californication.
That wife though, I mean, she was quite pretty and actually quite a good actress.
It's always funny, you know, how they show... there's always this contradiction in these kinds of shows.
I mean, well, more than one, but the one I think that is kind of obvious to me, I will admit it as well the Kardashians lol I did watch one Kardashian show you know I just have to hold my nose and keep abreast abreast literally abreast of the current cultural trends the Kardashians had a big impact on culture and as cultural commentator and critic lol yeah that was uh it was pretty it was pretty repulsive but you know the the Kardashians is a brave admission it's a brave admission um I did watch one episode of The Bachelor And, yeah, I mean, pretty hoard them in nice locations.
I suppose Melrose Place style is not... Melrose Place! I watched that some years ago.

[6:25] Let's see here. Not a show, but I always click on the Megan and Harry news.
Nip Tuck, way back in the day.
Nip Tuck was a show that started off pretty well, and then it got into all of this serial killer nonsense, and it just got, you know, stupid and ridiculous.
They always go too far, they always go too big, They always have to have some big giant story arc and I don't know. It's kind of like, Burn Notice is a great show, by the way. Burn Notice is like I would go to my grave, Having no shred of doubt or any defensiveness about Burn Notice. It was just a fantastic show.

[7:03] Let's see, I watched the very first Jersey Shore, never made it to the second. Well, Jersey Shore is actually one of the rare shows medically speaking, that you can actually get...

[7:17] An STD from watching it. That's not common. It's weird that it transmits over radio and TV waves, but that is actually... Breaking Bad, I watched one. I mean, Breaking Bad was such a phenomenon.
Of course, I'm a big fan of Anthony Hopkins, and when he praised the lead guy in Breaking Bad as some of the finest acting he'd ever seen, I was like, yeah, okay, I'll give that one a try.
But Breaking Bad was just too vile. It was just absolutely too vile. The Walking Dead, I watched a couple of those, got a bit repetitive.
Oh no! We need to go and get something! Oh no! There are zombies in the way!
Oh no! So it just seemed a bit repetitive for me. But yeah, I'm a show.
YouTube drama videos. Did anyone enjoy Fringe? I don't know what that one is.
I watched Bones, it was a good show. I thought that was enjoyable.
And all of that. So, you know, pretty people and bodies, live bodies, dead bodies, you know, the usual thing. Anyway, so, we'll get to... You've heard the news about Matthew Perry? Should we get to... Ice Road Truckers! Yeah, if that's not a show that's going to help you appreciate your desk job, I don't know what it is.
Did you know Kitchen Nightmares is back? Well, since people mentioned Kitchen Nightmares, Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

[8:42] I did watch some Kitchen Nightmares, and I thought that they were very interesting.
It was very instructive to see just the high IQ, low IQ collision, because Gordon Ramsay is like a super high IQ guy, and twitchy, and impatient, and you know, the hands constantly flapping around like trapped Italian birds in a cage.
And yeah, it was a good show, it was an interesting show.
I think it's kind of a Howard Rourke show, and Howard Rourke gets a mediocre architect to be great by passing along his genius, and I think Gordon Ramsay fires some energy and structure and standards into these pathetic, failing restaurants, which is obviously people who just don't listen, right?
He comes and the show is always the same, right? There's some vainglorious guy who refuses to admit that he's doing badly, he's a terrible, and Gordon Ramsay comes and tries his food, the food sucks, and then the guy says, well all the customers like it, I don't know what you're talking about man.

[9:45] And then Gordon Ramsay says, well if all the customers like it why is your restaurant going out of business, oh and by the way you haven't told your wife that you're three quarters of a million dollars in debt and you're gonna lose your house, and anyway, and then they revamp it and of course people come to the restaurant because it's Gordon Ramsay, they want to be in a documentary, they want to have had that experience, whether it's able to be sustained seems somewhat unlikely. The UK version of Kitchen Nightmares is less dramatic and better, in my opinion. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Mixed Feelings About Friends

[10:20] I don't remember liking Friends. Oh, I mean, personally, I thought Friends was very funny, nihilistic, of course, and, you know, fairly corrupt to the core, but had some very funny stuff in it.
Watching Phoebe sing along to the bagpipes was something that had me almost wet myself. It was so funny.
And the comedians, I thought, were very skilled. Anyway, so let's get back to the morning show.
Again, well-acted, fairly well-written, and in it, I'm not going to give you any real spoilers here, in case you wanted to watch the show.
And I find the show, I find the show interesting, listen, I don't want to get all kinds, like, it's got some good trashy soapy drama in it, and I get all of that.
But I'm also, because it's so left-leaning, it's like watching the West Wing, although it's not as well-written or well-acted as the West Wing, which was kind of in a class of its own, but I watched it in part, and again I'm not trying to say, oh it's all justified by this, but I really do, I watch it in part because I'm desperate to understand the mindset.
I mean it's a very liberal, very democrat, very left-leaning show, and it's pretty wild, to try, I'm really fairly desperate to try and understand this mindset, because of course It is a very dominant mindset and in my view of course a very dangerous mindset.

[11:44] And I'll tell you what I got from it that I've been kind of obsessing over these last couple of days, so hopefully this will make some sense to you.
So, long story short, there's a woman named Levy who's played by Jennifer Aniston, and she is the talent, right? She's the on-screen personality and so on.
And she's had this producer who's been with her for, I don't know, like 20 years.
And his name is Chip. Alex, Levy, and Chip. Alex and Chip. So it doesn't really matter what the conflict is, but he's mad at her about something, she's mad at him about something, and then in the middle of a fairly ferocious argument, she suddenly steps back, puts her, hands to her temple and says, I just, I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore.
And she has this thing and this is obviously kind of chilling words to hear if you're in a sort of economic or romantic relationship somebody's saying I just can't do this anymore and she looks at him and wonder like wow I'm just waking up from a bad dream you're fired.

[12:55] And then he oh you can't be serious yes she's serious and then he leaves eventually and he turns at the door and he says you know when you had Covid and I came to take care of you I told you I had Covid but it didn't I hadn't actually had Covid I just took care of you because I really really do care about you.
And she just gives him this thousand yard stare, like it doesn't mean anything.
She doesn't say, oh my gosh, that's so touching. You really did make sacrifices and put your health at risk for me, you know, given the standard COVID narrative.
And he just walks out.
And there's a 20 year relationship because they're having an argument.

The Vanishing Act of Relationships

[13:29] It's gone like it never happened.
Have you had that in your life? Where people you've known for a long time, There's some kind of conflict, there's some kind of conflict and it just poof, it just goes, it vanishes.
And that person is gone from your life, never to return, and years or half decades or decades, just goes with them and you move on like it never happened, like it never happened.

[14:06] Have you ever had that experience? I think most of us have had that experience at one time or another.
Yes, her choice and loss.
Well, no, your choice and loss too, because you chose her, right?

[14:26] It was again very well acted, well written. I just can't do this anymore. Like there's another personality that never participated in the relationship that's taking over and poof there was no relationship. Somebody says yes it was wrapped in a death threat and that was it. Yeah it'll do it. Yes my best friend never saw her again. Somebody says yeah it took a bit longer going to play out though. Right, right, right. So I've really been thinking about this leftist mindset because and this is this is common throughout this show and other shows as well. First of all it's a show without children that generally tends to be the leftist thing it's a show without children and it's a show where people make up and break up constantly. So there's a lesbian relationship between Julianna Margulis and Reese Witherspoon and then there's just some fight over Reese Witherspoon's mother and Reese Witherspoon's character just walks out doesn't look back. There's a black woman who has a relationship with a war reporter and she's terrified he's gotten killed in.

[15:43] Ukraine and then she just sees him on TV giving an interview and he never called her and oh this is the guy who he went out without a mask and she like screamed and threw him out of the place and all that kind of stuff right and you see this continually that people they have no bond they they sort of crash and collide together usually over sex or maybe sort of sort of mutual ambition or money-making, they kind of crash and collide together, and then they just separate and vanish, like it never was. And that's when I sort of think about the leftist shows, there's no bond. There's no bonding.
There's no bonding. As long as people's interests align, but there's always a part of them, that's not... as long as people's interests align they can kind of hang out and get things done, but there's always a part of them that is withheld from and distant from and not participating in the relationship that can suddenly eclipse the burning light of the pretend bond and just snap it out completely. Just snap it out completely.

[17:04] No bond. And it's funny because in the whole show, the morning show, everybody's miserable, and so dramatic and it's all so self-important and so on. But one thing that's really interesting is that there's one character who is the only character I've seen who's remotely happy and Content is a mother, It's the wife of Reese Witherspoon's brother now He's kind of crazy and there's a whole Jan six thing about it, but the mother is like, you know, happy and pleasant and bonded with her baby and, eager and Content and all of that, So I've really been thinking about this sort of lack of bond.

[17:42] Now Let me ask you this my friends. How many people would you say?
You are well bonded to. Now well bonded means rain or shine, good or bad, you're just going through it. Whatever the weather, in or out of the money, you, are in it for good. You are in it in perpetuity. Do you have those people no.

[18:10] No matter what. No matter what. Right. So we've got three people, three people, zero, maybe only one or at most two. You know, I remember saying to my daughter, if she's in a con, I mean, she's had conflicts, of course, like, like all kids. And I've always said to her, look, in any conflict situation, I'm 150% on your side.
Like you tell me what it is, I'm on your side 150%.
Maybe later in private I might have a criticism or two or some feedback or something like that, but I'm, like there's no wedge that could be driven between us.
There's nothing that anyone could say that would have me not take your side.
I will always take your side. And again, it doesn't mean that there's never any feedback ever, but I will always take your side. And on the few times where that has come up, well, I take her side, right?
I mean, I always take her side. And the other kid tries to say stuff and it's like, nope, that's not my daughter. And so, and because of that, she has very few conflicts, right?

[19:23] Let's see, other people saying zero, five, maybe six, that's good.
One not a spouse, one or two, wish it were.
One wife, I felt capable of it, I just can't seem to find reciprocation, right?
So do you know that we evolved on the foundational bond of absolute devotion, right?
The tribe. Absolute devotion, absolute support within the tribe. That's... what? Was she ever wrong in a conflict? Well, I don't know what you mean by wrong. Was she ever immoral?
Well, no, of course not. But was there ever a time when she could have handled it slightly better? Well, that's true of everyone in conflict, right? So she can give me feedback, I can give her feedback. So she's never been morally wrong. But, you know, there are times where a couple of tweaks here and there might have helped out the situation. And of course I I do all of this because the stronger the bond is with her parents, and maybe a little bit more even particularly with her father, the stronger the bond is with her father, the less likely people are to mess with her, right?
Because that's just a... they have a sense for that, they have, right?
If she's got backup, if she's got somebody who's going to support her no matter what, then people don't really mess with her as much, right? Somebody says, wife and five kids, brother and four long-term guy friends.

The Power of Pair Bonding and Shared Values

[20:45] Ah, that's great.

[20:47] That's great to hear. Yeah, we kind of evolved on these bonds, bonds with tribe, bonds with family, bonds with elders, bond with culture, bond with history, bond with land, bond with religion, bond with God.
We just, we pair bonded, right?
Now, in this show, there's no pair bonding. Now, let me ask you, it's gonna be a bit of a trick question, but let me make the case. This is sort of what I've been thinking about.

[21:20] Do we bond with other people directly? Do we bond with other people directly?
When we say, I have a pair bond, are we bonding with other people directly?
I know sort of to ask the question in a sense is to answer it, and I know it's a bit of an odd way of putting it, but hopefully this will make some sense as I cruise forward on, So what? Yeah, don't we bond over shared values? That's right. The pair bonding is not with the other person. I have not pair bonded with my wife. We pair bond over virtues.

[22:08] Does this make sense? This was a radical thought to me, because pair bonding has something to do, with predictable behavior. Predictable behavior means integrity to some kind of values, hopefully good ones. So we don't pair bond with another person, we mutually pair bond over shared values.
So, how do you kill the pair bond in people, and why would you want to do that? Well, The why, I think, is pretty obvious, and I think this is more true for women than it is for men.
Men tend to, I mean, we have our strengths and weaknesses, but one of the strengths that men have is that we tend to be slightly better at being independent, right?
Because we don't have kids in the same way, obviously, that women do with the pregnancy and breastfeeding and so on.
So we tend to be a little bit better at independence than women are.

[23:08] So for women, without the pair bond, life is full of anxiety, full of fear, full of worry, concern, possibilities of bad things happening, you know, this sort of, and you can see this kind of coming out full flight with things like COVID, right, where you just, I think women are more easily programmed to experience fear.
If you can break the pair bond, particularly for women, women feel anxiety, nervousness, fear, vulnerability, because they're not protected, which they need to be biologically because of the massive investment they make in the offspring.
And of course, if you can break the pair bond between women and men, what do women pair bond with? What do they try to use to gain the security that they don't get because they're not pair bonded? What do they, where do they run? Yeah, they run to the state, they run to authority, they run to the leaders, because women are all about resource transfer, which is again, this is not a negative, this is beautiful, it's why we're all here, but women are all about resource transfer. I need someone to take care of me because I'm having kids.

[24:27] And if there's not someone who loves them, who they're pair bonded with, to give them resource transfer, they run to the state. So you understand, if you want to gain power, as a government, you destroy the pair bond, which makes women anxious, which makes them vote for bigger government.

Destroying the Pair Bond: Women's Shift to the State

[24:55] And I was alluding to that when I did the speech in the show on Friday night about the black woman, I played as a black woman talking to her woke registered nurse daughter, now and you can see this of course in my novel The Present where Rachel pivots from Arlo, to the Christian Steadmuffin Now how do you break the pair bond? How do you break the pair bond? Well of course you can bribe with sex and status and money and so on right? When there's a lot of that in media. But how do you break the pair bond? Well what you do is since we pair bond over values, the way that you break the pair bond and thus swell the power of the state, is you say to people there are, no values, there's no truth, there's no God. If God is the source of your values, we'll throw the baby out with the bathwater.
There's no objectivity, there's no reality, you can't even trust your senses.
You make people radically subjective.

[26:12] Tell me if this line of argument makes sense and also if it's of value to you.
Because if you look at, in particular, the post-war period, if you look at the post-war period coming out of the left, particularly the French philosophers, was this radical attack on objectivity, on truth, on virtue, on values.

[26:39] So if there's no truth, there's no values, there's no virtues, there's no reality, there's no objectivity, then people become random.
They pursue immediate sense pleasure, they pursue a status for no particular purpose.
What replaces integrity is almost always vanity, and vanity is unstable.
Vanity is about domination and therefore it's the opposite of connection.
This is the weird thing that you see where people think that by trash-talking their partner they look better.
It's like no no you don't understand. By trash-talking your partner you're trash-talking yourself.
Which is why when the other person said yeah it was her loss and it's like no no no but it was your loss for having like... don't try and status up someone.
I mean, I don't think I've ever talked about an ex-girlfriend like, I was great, she was terrible.
It was like, it wasn't bad, but I was still learning and right, wasn't terrible.
Doesn't it strip away a woman's free will slash agency to say they're programmed to run to the state for resource transfer, even though it goes against basic principles of morality?

[27:54] Oh my gosh.
I try not to get too annoyed at the nitpickers. And I know that this, oh how could this be a nitpicking question? It's a very important and essential question. But don't ask me questions about free will.
Please, I'm begging everyone here. This is just a be reasonable, be polite, be considerate, be thoughtful.

[28:20] Don't ask me questions about free will without knowing my position on free will, It's rude Honestly, it's rude and, I'll tell you why in just a second, right and I get you're not trying to be rude. You're asking a reasonable question I'm sure it sounds reasonable to other people But a moment's thought can answer it and this is how I know that this is triggering you you're anxious So you're dumping out a question there to distract me from what I'm saying because to manage your anxiety rather than, Allow the pursuit of truth Okay, Now when I say know my position on free will I'm not saying you have to agree with it, but you have to know it right if I'm gonna, critique or ask a question of A philosopher it is incumbent upon me to know what that philosopher has said about the topic before, Otherwise, I'm kind of wasting his and everyone's time, right?
So, does anyone here remember my definition of free will? What is my definition of free will?

[29:31] It is, it's a rhetorical question because I know it would be a lot to type out, free will, and I've got three shows on free will.
And if you're concerned about questions of free will and you're part of this conversation, understanding my arguments is valuable because that's the context in which this conversation is occurring, right?
So if I want to go and argue with an animal rights activist, it's important for me to know what the arguments are that the animal rights activist has made, so that I'm not just coming in out of nowhere.
So free will is our ability to compare proposed actions to ideal standards.
Will is our ability to compare our proposed actions to ideal standards.

[30:18] Because it's the one thing that we can do that animals can't, right?
Now if I've just talked about how the destruction of ideal standards was the work of the post-war left, particularly out of France, then when I say that they take away truth, values, virtue, ethics, morality, philosophy, objectivity, then what they've done is they've destroyed ideal standards.
There are no ideal standards. So if you don't have any ideal standards to compare your proposed actions to, you fundamentally don't have free will.

[30:53] You don't have free will if you don't have any ideal standards.
And we can see this with the development of the very accurate meme known as the NPC.
The NPC is the person who just has pre-programmed responses.

[31:10] And like I met a guy not too long ago who was, It was a wealthy guy and he'd put all of his kids through PhDs and all of that, And he was railing against Trump. And one of the things he railed against Trump was.

The Hypocrisy of Trump's Business Start-Up

[31:27] Well, Trump got money from his father to start his business so he's not a real businessman, right, Honestly, what does that mean? Your kids aren't really educated because you paid for them, him to go all the way through their PhDs, which was, you know, massive amounts of money.
And I said, it's interesting because proportional to the Trump wealth, I bet you the money that Trump got to start his businesses was less in terms of percentage than the money you gave to your kids for their education.
So why is it bad for Trump's father to help him, but it's really good for you to help your kids?
I just, you know, and you know, it's like short circuit hostility, right?
I mean in his world, in his circle, that's just the price of, you know, the price of having a social life if you have to hate Trump, even though, you know, it doesn't make any sense relative to what you're doing, at least those particular criticisms, right?
I remember the days back in 2015 when I thought, oh, well, the people, the reason that people People dislike this person or that person because they simply don't have enough information.
So once I give them the right information, they'll just change their view because, oh the optimism, wasn't it glorious?
And you know, that was a couple of years without war. That was pretty nice, wasn't it?
It was pretty nice, particularly for my younger male audience.

[32:44] Pretty nice. So yeah, so if you say, right, if you say, doesn't it strip away a woman's free will slash agency to say that they're programmed to run to the state for resource transfer even though it goes against basic principles of morality?
So as I've said, and again if you were listening you don't even know my, like when I said the left was dedicated to destroying the conceptions of the basic principles of morality and then you say well, but why would women do things that go against the basic principles of morality?
It's like well what I've done is I've sabotaged your GPS and then you say knowing that someone sabotaged the GPS why are they driving in the wrong direction? It's like well no, GPS got sabotaged. So you strip away free will when you strip away truth, objectivity, reason, integrity, virtue, all of that kind of stuff. So I just wanted to sort of point.

[33:34] That out that if you listen really actively and think for yourself in a conversation, you don't need to ask these questions. So when I say they stripped away morality, you'd, say well why would women be, doesn't it, like why would women be acting against morality? It's like I just like just did 10 minutes on. I don't mean to sound annoyed right but it is mildly annoying when I'm kind of in a flow and again I can ignore the questions and all that but this is a two-way street right otherwise I'd just do a solo show. So there's no bond. When there's no bond, you have great and deep anxiety and as you age it gets worse and worse and worse which is why you see particularly older white women just you know with these wheel barrows of antidepressants and all this kind of stuff just big.
So when you're young you have the illusion of the bond right.
For women what's the illusion of a bond when they're yeah without bonds there's bondage yeah it's a good way to put it. So for women what's the illusion of pair bonding when they're young?
What gives them the illusion of a bond when they're young?

Pretty Girl Corruption and Pharmaceutical Reps

[34:49] Compliments. That's a very male perspective because, and that's funny because for men we're so rarely complimented. Like you know that meme of like a woman being told she has a nice smile for the 20th time that day, she's kind of rolling her eyes, but then there's a man smiling at the corner thinking about that one time 20 years ago when a woman who wasn't his mother told him he looked handsome. So for you, for you it's like wow, pair bonding as compliments. No, no, for women compliments don't pay the bills. Compliments is not resource transfer, it's indication of potential resource transfer. So for women what is, yeah, men's unwavering attention and provisioning of her lifestyle, steady boyfriend, well whatever transfers resources to her and the resource, again some resources are social media clout which often translates into some kind of income and so on, right. So it's admiration that.

[35:47] Transfers resources. That is, I mean, when I worked in a hardware store in the Don Mills mall when I was like, I don't know, 14 or something like that, I, my friend and I, who we all, we worked together, he was a really great guy, my friend and I would go to a particular convenience store every break to grab a a snack and why oh why oh why did we go to that particular convenience store.

[36:23] To get our snacks there were lots of convenience stores around lots of places we could have got our snacks yeah because there was a cute girl behind the counter and we like to flirt with her, now not blaming her i'm just you know this is the reality of the situation so she had job security she had job security.

[36:42] Because she was pretty. And because she was pretty, the income of the convenience store went up.
I mean, she was cute enough that there were, like, guys lined up to get snacks with, like, two empty stores around, right?
And we all we all know this phenomenon, do you know what one of the biggest phenomenon, of pretty girl corruption there is the biggest phenomenon in America in particular of pretty girl corruption? What is it? I'm sure you know. Some of the biggest effects ever. No it's not It's not the feminism stuff.
I said pretty girl corruption.
You may or may not know if you've known anything about the industry.
Social media, no. Well, that's a consequence. Pretty girl corruption, Taylor Swift, no.
Waitresses, no.
No, I mean, it certainly has an effect. Being a pretty girl can trap a woman in the waitress world for too long and then she runs out of looks and it's pretty bad from there on, right?

[37:50] You're not sure what I mean by that question? Okay, let me give you the answer and then obviously if I'm wrong, you can tell me and if it doesn't make sense, you can tell me.
The biggest example of pretty girl corruption is pharmaceutical reps, right?
The pretty women who visit doctors and get doctors to prescribe the medications that the pharmaceutical companies want to sell.
Have you heard about this at all?
Yeah, selling to lonely doctors, coming in, sitting down in your tight skirt and your low-cut top and chatting.
And this is like a well, I remember on the old show Scrubs, there was a whole thing with Heather Locklear about this, right, that the hot girl drug pusher is kind of a phenomenon, right?
Does that make sense? And if you think about, you know, the opioid crisis and antidepressants and ADHD drugs and all of that, I mean, a lot of them are pushed by pretty girls to doctors.

[38:56] Tell me if I'm wrong about this, but in terms of like a hundred thousand Americans dying a year from drug overdoses, again it's not obviously all at the feet of this, but a pretty big proportion of it is.
So yeah, it's a huge problem. So when women are young and very attractive, they feel, because men desire them, that that's like a pair bond, right?
Because she's desired, she feels that there's a bond.
Does this argument make sense so far? I want to make sure that I'm… And this is actually, I mean, this is on movies and TVs now, not so much in the theaters, this is being talked about you know I saw a bit of one show where there was this one hot girl who was a farmer rep who got another hot girl to be a farmer rep because she had such a great figure and the doctors are all lonely and then one doctor snarled at her that she's a drug pusher and all this kind of stuff.

[40:18] So, no, but you see, where drug advertisements are not allowed, the problem can be even worse.
Because then how do you get doctors to prescribe your drugs?
Well, you get the pretty girls to go in, but the other thing you do, of course, is you shower them with gifts, with free trips, and, you know, there's a big conference in Hawaii.
We'd love for you to give a 15-minute speech. We're going to pay all expenses, bring your wife, we'll give you a week in Hawaii, just, you know, 15 minute speech, and all right, so, ew, ew, ew, ew.

[41:01] So, wait, what, you think pharma direct-to-consumer sales are positive?
I don't know what that means. None of the whole environment is negative.
And the reason is that pharma ads to consumers, which I think is only allowed in, what is it, New Zealand and America.
Direct ads to consumers, why are they negative? Does it violate the non-aggression principle to say you should try my drug?
No, I guess as long as you're honest about side effects and all of that.
But the reason all of this stuff is nonsense is that how many people pay for their own drugs directly? Right?
Very few. Very few, very few. I mean how many people, I mean if COVID didn't bring this out, right, how many people paid for the entire cost of developing, marketing, producing?

[42:04] The vaccines, covid vaccines. Well it was all quote free right so people can afford to virtue signal when they've got no skin in the game right. So for women they feel, that there's pair bonding because they are desired. But that's not virtue that's lust.
And lust and virtue can co-join beautifully which is why sexuality is essential to male-female pair bonding, so virtue and sexuality can live together beautifully, but.

Lust vs. Virtues: The Cycle of Disappointment

[42:41] If the man is acting out of lust, the woman feels like there's a pair bond and then the man dumps her, he ghosts her, he moves on because he's not into her for her virtues, he's into her, well because he's into her, right, and once he's in her he's out of her and moving on And then she gets bitter and then she blames men, right?
Oh, men are inconstant, men don't... You can't rely on men, they're selfish bastards, right?
I mean, every time I hear a woman put down men, all I hear is that she's frustrated that the vagina coin is declined at this time in her life.
So, if you're bitter at men, it's because the V-card gets declined after a while.
Well, it gets declined constantly, but then it loses value over time.

The Illusion of Pair Bonding and Political Desirability

[43:49] So she has the illusion of pair bonding because she's desired and of course the politicians woo her and, Quote flirt with her which is why all, Politicians who are successful have to have a full head of hair all politicians who are successful have to be reasonably good-looking all politicians who are successful have to be taller than their opponents and so on because, Jesus used to be the ersatz boyfriend for some women women, cats become the ersatz companionship for some women, and politicians, like the, number of women who dreamed about having sex with Barack Obama was chilling beyond words, right?
They literally form, like whoever provides them resources they fantasize about, well I guess except the actual taxpayer.
So this young woman that worked at a ski resort, wow the miles and bitterness on her. Sure.
Sure, well ski resorts in particular are hotbeds of powdery fuckery, for sure, I mean there are a lot, I mean it's like tree planting, right, there's just a lot of predatory sexual crap that goes on at ski resorts for sure.

[45:07] Barron Trump will be the king of America based upon these states, yeah, except he's, well I don't know it's hard to see how his looks are going to settle but he still looks a bit awkward but yeah definitely the man is a giraffe.

[45:21] So if you can convince people there's no truth, there's no virtues, there's no morals, there's no values and again this is like combined with this I've again struggled my way through I've almost finished a the biography of Marlon Brando who was a big influence on me when I was younger because of course I was in theater school and he was he's the best film actor that has ever lived I probably ever will live and, So I watched I've been watching a couple of his movies and the one I watched which is really wild and insane and Truly psychotic is called the last tango in Paris and the behavior is just completely random Everybody's just completely random. Nobody makes any sense at all, but I guess that's just life when you're bouncing around various lusts and perversions and all of that. So you convince people there's no truth, there's no reason, there's no reality, there's no objectivity, there's no virtue, and they lose the ability to pair bond because we pair bond based on shared values and if there are any shared values.

[46:33] Then you have to lie to yourself. If you don't believe in anything, you have to lie to yourself.
So if a woman has no particular morals or virtues, and I don't want to say that I'm picking on women here, men can do it in other ways, right, but it's a little easier to understand, in this context because it's more sort of based on sexual. But if a woman doesn't have any particular virtues or values or morals, and lots of men desire her, then she has to say, I have value because I'm desired. I have value because hormones. I have value because whole. I have value because semen. I have value because whatever right? Sex.
Now nobody really believes that but you have to lie to yourself and invent all of these other things you know like well I just asked the universe for things and the universe provides. Yeah yeah yeah if by universe you mean penis then yes penis provision is a thing that a lot of women confuse with mysticism.

[47:32] So, you have no pair bond, and the lust that you lie to yourself and say is your value diminishes over time, then there's just this bitterness.
And there's just this bitterness.

Confessions and Bitterness in Relationships

[47:52] I mean, when women say, this is how much I love cats, I know that the pussy has gone up in one market and down in another.

[48:07] It's all a confession. All a confession. And I have a lot of sympathy for women about this because.

[48:15] I mean, come on, dudes. I mean, we like to say, well, we're more sensible than It's like, no, no, no, women just get the temptation earlier and younger, that's all, that's all. And you and I would be the same for the most part in those situations, absent some significant intervention like God or morality or philosophy or something like that.
We'd be the same, we'd be the same. The idea that there's this whole other group of people who are tempted by things you'd never be tempted by and you can feel superior to them, it's really sad and pathetic and it's part of the red pill MGTOW stuff that I really dislike.
Eugenocentrism is like, yeah, yeah, that's a thing for sure.
Women, they bond with you over resources. Yeah, yeah, that's a thing.
If you want true love, you've got to go to Jesus. You can't go to women any more than men, right?
So love is the pair-bonding mechanism we use to raise the next generation.
It's not there to serve your ego, your vanity, your life, your purpose.
It's not there to make you feel important. It's not there to make you feel needed.
It's not there to fill up the hole left by your absent or neglectful or abusive, or violent, or distant, or distracted. Mother, love is there to parabond you to raise the next generation. And of course virtue is important and values are important because you want to raise a good healthy wise next generation. But love is not there to make you feel better. Right?

[49:32] Love is not there to make you feel better. Love is not there to serve your ego. Love is not there to serve your vanity. Love is not there to make you feel wanted, or special, or treasured, or important, love is there to pair-bond you.

[49:47] To raise the next generation. And yes we absolutely want to mix virtue and with love to make it, good and stable and noble but it's not there for you right. You are there for love, like your sex drive is not there so that you feel important or valued or treasured or good, your sex drive is there like you are for your sex drive your sex drive isn't for you, you are for your looks your looks aren't for you you are for love love is not for you, Like, philosophy is not for me, you understand, philosophy is not for me.
I am for philosophy. Pair bonding happens when you follow rules.
You are pair bonded with the rules and through that you gain trust and stability with the other person.
And the one thing you can see in these shows is that people break their own rules all the time.
They're all hypersensitive about offense and then they yell the most horrible things at each other.

[50:56] I mean, they obviously know they're hypersensitive about racism but they put down white males all the time.
Like, so the fact that they make these rules and break these rules is precisely why they can't be trusted.
And there's something else which I sort of wanted to mention now, of course, this is a live show.
So if you have questions or comments, I'm certainly happy to provide.
But the one thing that I've noticed, if you want to have questions or issues or whatever, if you want me to finish this up, that's fine.
But the one thing I've really noticed is that in conjunction with this lack of bonding with individuals is this insane bonding with abstract, quote, morals.
Again, I sort of was thinking about this in the Marlon Brando biography, because, I mean, the man was obsessed with social justice stuff.
Obsessed with the rights of the aboriginal population of America and anti-racism and this that and the other. And yeah I mean these are all interesting conversations to have.

[51:51] But his son was thrown in jail for murder, his daughter committed suicide, he had disastrous relationships with just about everyone around him. Even later in his life he got really obsessed with computers and back in the dial-up AOL days he used to get into political arguments with people which would usually end with him, Marlon Brando, the elderly Marlon Brando, telling them to F off and and then he would get banned and then one of his assistants would have to call up AOL and pretend that Marlon Brando was his 13 year old kid and he'd promised to never do it again. So you've got a guy in his 70s swearing at people on the internet getting banned and one of his assistants has to pretend that he's a kid in order to get his account back so I mean that's really tragic so he cares about the aboriginal population and he cares about this then he cares about that but, He humiliated co-workers, abused his children, harmed everyone pretty much that he came in contact with.
So the less the virtue, the more the ideology. The less you bond with virtue and therefore people, like genuine virtue, personal virtue, and therefore people, the more you bond with these weird otherworldly ideologies.

[53:15] I mean, the man put more effort, Marlon Brando, into Aboriginal rights than he did into parenting his own children. His own children!
He talked about virtue all the time, and had sex with anything that had even half a pulse in the neighborhood.

[53:49] He claimed to want to promote virtue in the world and ended up glamorizing both a crime lord in The Godfather and a complete sociopath which he played with great charisma and skill, in Last Tango in Paris and other.
I guess he did a dry white season where he played a judge in South Africa But even that was sort of the social justice warrior stuff, the less you bond with actual virtue and actual people the more you bond with these, Alien ideologies and by alien I don't mean that they have no value. Yeah, these are important conversations to have, But not compared to being a good parent Be a good parent. I mean, this is my whole first novel revolutions is about this struggle, Do you pursue abstract virtues or personal values?
And isn't it often the case that those who love mankind in the abstract hate people in their lives the most?
And in this morning show they're constantly talking about justice and virtue and sensitivity and the right behavior, and they all treat each other horribly.

Bonding with ideology over people and its consequences

[55:11] That the more, I don't know, the cause and effect is tough, the less you're bonded with people, the more you bond with ideology and then the more you bond with ideology, the less you like people and this of course you know is is the case with the marxists and so on who claim to you know just want justice and rightness and so on but then end up slaughtering people by the tens of millions or more.

[55:38] The more you bond with weird abstract virtues and again not to say that there's no virtue in talking about these things, there is, but you should have virtue in your life first before you start talking about injustices from.

[55:58] Agencies you can't control. I can't believe that the American government broke its treaties with the natives. Okay well your own kids are spiraling into, addiction and violence and but but in 1890 the Comanche tribe like what the hell? I mean what the hell? It's like that famous meme of the obese woman in the wheelchair wearing a mask saying to the fit woman jogging by your lack of a mask is harming my health. No I'm not sure about that so much compared to say the crippling obesity. So there does seem to be this polarity if you're not bonded with people you bond with ideology and by ideology I mean virtues you don't have to live yourself. Virtues you can whine about, complain about, nag about but you don't actually have to live yourself.

[57:16] And of course virtues that are completely... I mean Marlon Brando with his, you know, the Indians as he would put it, the Indians were treated abominably by the government. It's like, well yeah, so the solution is more government power, more government transfer, more government resources. It's like, no, no, no, come on, don't be crazy, right?
So the ideology. So then my guess is that the reason why people bond with ideology is that ideology was the price of positive reactions from parents as children.
With my mother, I had to agree with the crazy things she said or I would be attacked and threatened with violence or ostracism, which is even worse than violence for kids.
So I had to agree with my mother's crazy takes on things or she would attack me.

[58:21] Right.
So the only way I could maintain any kind of bond with my mother was to submit to her ideology.
And then even as an adult, when I pushed mildly back against her ideology, saying I would like to talk about things other than these endless lawsuits you have with doctors, then she ditched me if I did not conform to her weird abstract ethics right she's like well I've got to hold these doctors to account it's like do you ever hold yourself to account for beating up your kids no but these doctors I have to do I have to hold them to account I have to punish these doctors for their bad behavior blah blah blah it's like I mean as far as the virtues go that's really weird and abstract compared to, you know, some of the wrongs that you yourself, mom, did, right?
So I think the reason people bond with this ideology and dislike people, the reason why they bond with this ideology about peace and justice and reason and virtue but actually abuse the people in their own lives is because when they were growing up they had to conform to their parents ideology or be attacked and rejected by their parents.
So they have to bond with this weird alien belief system, which never has to be enacted in personal virtues, because that was the price of having any bond with their parents.

Bonding with ideology due to parental influence

[59:39] So they grow up with this pseudo-bond to weird abstract ethics.

[59:46] But they treat the people around them abominably because the weird abstract ethics were used to treat them abominably when they were children. So they bond with abstract justice but never personal virtues. And they also because they were punished, attacked, excluded and ostracized by their parents if they questioned their parents ideology they grew up bonded to this ideology, Stockholm syndrome stuff, and then they attack anybody who questions that ideology because it's questioning the pretend bond they have with their parents that they needed for survival, which is why so many people, view questioning the ideology. They have the same fight or flight response that they have, if somebody were to physically attack them and threaten their lives, right?

[1:00:42] I mean in Last Tango in Paris, the main character, the Marlon Brando character Paul, is such a sociopathic narcissist that he has this affair with this woman, obviously this bizarre male fantasy she's like he's 47 she's like 19 right so it's it's crazy right decades and decades between them he's old and haggard she's young and beautiful and he doesn't he doesn't want to know her name don't tell me anything about yourself I don't want to know your name I don't want to know anything about you I just want to use you as an object and then as these things happen the abuser becomes the victim the one who rejects her becomes the one who desperately needs her and then he corners her in her apartment and she finally tells him her name at the same time as she shoots him.

[1:01:34] Spoiler, right? She shoots him. In other words, the moment that she shows up as an individual, he dies because it's him or others, right? Either he's alive or other people alive. Either he kills himself or he kills others, which is what happens when you grow up with savagely ideological parents and the filmmaker Bertolucci was a Marxist and now a Marxist. So again, this addiction to abstract virtues such as Marxism while savagely exploiting an underpaid worker which is this young woman she was 19 when she made the film she later became Maria Schneider I think her name was she later became a drug addict she was passed around she died extraordinarily young.

[1:02:21] So he's got these abstract virtues but he exploits and abuses this young woman who's wildly underpaid, on his set while saying that you really should protect the workers and the owners of the means of capital exploit the workers and that's the greatest evil. You see the disconnect? It's wild right? It's wild and the people who talk about the most abstract virtues tend to be the most cruel individually. They bond with these abstract virtues which means it gives them permission to treat everyone abominably. And I've just really found this phenomenon absolutely fascinating, recently. So anyway I hope that makes some sense and I appreciate you all listening to this and I'm you know happy to get your sort of thoughts and, feedback on it as a whole. But it doesn't look like people are particularly chatty today which which is obviously totally fine.

The disconnect between abstract virtues and personal actions

[1:03:16] It's nice to have everyone come by and chat. So unless there's anybody's got a real yearning burning, I think I'll close it off here today.
And zinc.tips slash free domain.
Let me just see here. There's comments here I haven't checked for a little while.

[1:03:37] And I'll take someone who makes, who lives one virtue consistently over someone who speaks, on a hundred and never, I've never seen them doing anything good, yeah, yeah for sure.
Subscribe to Starr.com slash free domain.
Marlon Brando was the first professional internet troll, yeah kind of, right, kind of.
Yeah how do we sleep in the beds of Berlin, yeah that was that Australian singer from Midnight Oil, right. concerned with all of that, right?

[1:04:13] All right, what else have we got here? I recommend wearing a mask over your eyes when pumping gas as to avoid heart attacks from the gas prices.
Oh yeah, that's right, speaking of heart attacks, Matthew Perry, right, died at the age of 54.
I kind of forgot that he was younger than me, but I guess it kind of makes sense it's a couple of years younger than me.
I came across a woman who required her partner to already have a dog before she'd commit to him. That's interesting. Pursuit of personal virtue, bonding with those in your actual circle doesn't seem to leave much time to pursue abstract virtue in circles of people you don't know.

[1:04:55] Let's see here. Hi Steph, why do you think we watch shows or read books with experiences of pain and suffering that we'd go out of our way to avoid in real life? I appreciate you, getting to this when you're finished in your current topic. Well, we see those as warnings, right? We see those as warnings. We want to see something play out when, like it's the fatal attraction thing right so fatal attraction this guy he's got a nice wife Michael Douglas got a nice wife he's got kids got a good career and then this woman comes in who's hypersexual the Glenn Close character comes in and then just starts to stalk him so you know a bird in the hand who's worth two in the crazy bush I guess to remind yourself that the hot crazy matrix can be highly dangerous and that you can destroy your life by having sex outside marriage. Like the movie reviews were like this scared the pants back on the men in America. Scared the pants off me, scared the pants back on, right? So you would want to see this kind of stuff to see how life plays out if you make one bad decision, right?

[1:06:04] Hello. Okay, cool. Hey, Jeff. So I have a question concerning the show that you released recently about the Jamaican guy. You were saying in there and you've said it before that you shouldn't know about previous people. I mean you shouldn't let people know about your history, like it doesn't matter. So my question is, I'd rather know...
That's not what I said. No, no, no. Hang on. Hang on. That's not what I said.
Yeah, what did I say? Do you remember what I said?
That if it does not influence you now, you should not have, and if you don't want to bring it up, you shouldn't have to.

Setting the conversation ground rules

[1:06:42] Yeah, so if something, if something, I just want to be clear about this, right?
Because I'm sorry, are we talking over? I don't know if you can hear me or not.
Yeah, yeah, I can hear you.
Okay, so when I start, when I start talking, if you could stop talking, I hate to be annoying, but I'm sorry, I know I sometimes talk over people, but I need to clarify if you've said something incorrect, I need to clarify.

[1:07:04] Because if you keep talking when I'm talking, I think you can't hear me, right?
In which case we can't have a conversation. So if you do me that favor, I'd appreciate it.
So no, I didn't say you can't tell anyone about your past or you don't need to tell anyone about anything to do with your history because that's kind of the way you first characterized it.
I said look, if you did something that is kind of negative and it's going to give people the wrong impression, and I did a whole thing on this because I remember this very clearly, I did a whole thing like if I were to meet a woman and say I'm a thief, well yeah I stole a couple of candy bars when I was 12, right?
So it would give them the wrong impression, I respect property rights now, I'm a good person as far as that goes so I would give people the wrong impression I don't steal anything now, and so if it's something from many from a long time ago you've dealt with it you're over it you don't do that stuff anymore it's going to give people the wrong impression then it is a form of falsehood to introduce yourself in a way that doesn't reflect who you are at the moment so.

[1:08:02] When you say Steph you said don't tell anyone about your past so you don't have to tell anyone about your history, that's not even close to what I said. And I just want to make sure that, that's clear. And just in general for people, like if you're going to bring up something that I said and the first thing you do, and I'm not too mad at you, I'm just pointing this out in general, if you want to, Steph, you said on this show, like, please write down what I said. If it's not worth you, like if it's important enough for you to really call and care about, then, you know, write down what I said and get it right. Because if the first thing you do is mischaracterize what what I said. That's kind of annoying, if that makes any sense, so I'm happy to continue, but I just sort of wanted to point that out. If you want people to...

[1:08:44] Like you're bringing up something in the past that's not correct regarding what I said and what I said was was very different. So if you want, I'm just saying this in general and it's not particularly important to this conversation, but in general if you're going to bring up something that someone said don't egregiously mischaracterize it in the beginning. Again, I can handle it, it's no big deal, it's part of being on the internet, but I'm talking in your personal life. In your personal life it's going to really annoy people if you mischaracterize what they say at the beginning of the conversation and listen I'm happy to have the conversation I'm just sort of pointing that out that's a bad habit to misquote people at the beginning of a conversation but go ahead I'm sorry I'm really nervous now yeah I did not try to mischaracterize you I was trying to say, exactly what you said I guess I didn't have it no no see no no no come on man own what you did you weren't even remotely trying to characterize what I I said accurately and and don't play the nervous card either like if you were perfectly confident to misquote me I'm fine with you feeling nervous But then don't say I had no intention of misquoting you when you misquoted me because then that you know That's trying to portray me as hypersensitive and reactionary and all of that. It's like no, no, no own it, you did misquote me completely and.

[1:10:02] That's fine. That's not the end of the world I've just sort of point but don't don't be this guy who's like well I didn't mean to and I my intention was to quote you perfectly and it's like no No, it wasn't. Come on man, like don't pull that, I don't know, half girly stuff with me, right?
So you misquoted me. It's not the end of the world I just wanted to point out that it's not a great habit and if it's important enough to bring up with me It's probably important enough to be to be accurate. So I'm not trying to slam you I'm not trying to make you feel bad But yeah, don't don't give me this I had no intention of misquoting you and the first thing you did was misquote me. So go ahead.

Discussing the significance of knowing someone's history

[1:10:35] So the thing is I actually agree with, I actually agree with you on that. It's just if It's someone that I would want today, and I would want to know their history, Just because it's more important for women, so I was thinking in terms of reciprocity.

[1:11:02] It would be something if you want to know then the other person would also want to know if you know what I'm saying, All right, so you want to know her history, is that right?
Okay. Would you want to read her text messages to an ex-boyfriend?
Well, why not? Isn't that part of her history? It would be, but I'm more talking about the general lines.
Okay, so what is it that you want to know? You would want to know her body count?
Yeah. I would say yes.
Okay, now what if her body count was high, but she'd been in therapy for many years and she had dealt with that and she had dealt with maybe the father absence and she'd sort of turned around and reformed, right?
I mean, would it be as relevant if she'd gone through that process or if she hadn't gone through that process and was still sleeping around, would that be more relevant?
Yes if she were sleeping around it would definitely be more relevant but the thing.

[1:12:14] Okay but if her past sleeping around was no longer an issue she dealt with it and she had repaired or fixed things in herself and had dealt with whatever holiness was leading her to sleep around if she dealt with it it was in her past, would it be as relevant? No. Okay so it would be for her to tell you she was promiscuous when she's dealt with it and moved on would be like me saying I'm a thief because I stole some things when I was in my early teens.
I mean it's more of an extreme example but it would mischaracterize it if she had former vices that she's dealt with and aren't repeating? I think yes but also there's the thing with the hormones that like the more sexual partners you've had the more likely you are to have divorce after the more you have.

[1:13:24] So in that way it's a little different from being a thief because like once you're a thief like you, If you stop it's whatever, It's not whatever like you it probably still comes up, but I would say I think that it would be less of a risk, All right, and how many uh, how many girlfriends have you had and it's a long time ago, And how old are you now? 24, yeah. 24, okay. So you've been an adult for six years and how long of those six years were you in a relationship? I guess you could say you've been, some people start dating sort of mid-teens or whatever, right? So let's say sort of eight or nine years and how long of those eight or nine years that you could have been dating, how long have you spent in a relationship?

Examining the caller's dating and relationship experiences

[1:14:14] It was when I was in high school, so 16, 17, I think.
Yes, and how long were you in that relationship for? Year and a half, two years, something like that.
Okay, so it has been five years, no, 17?
You're 24, is that right? Yeah, it's been a long time. Okay, so it's been what, seven years?

[1:14:45] Okay, so you've not been in a relationship for seven years, and you have no experience in an adult relationship, right?
All right, I'm back, I'm sorry if you were just speaking, yes, so I was just saying that you're seven years since you had a relationship and you have no experience in an adult relationship because you were still a kid when you were dating in high school, right?
Okay, so what do you think a woman would say if you said, I have no experience in an adult relationship, but I would like to go out with you?
What would you say?
Okay, try it out. I don't know.
You don't know? I probably would say, why not? we can try it out?
Well no, she wouldn't say why not we can try it out, because why not would be, she would want an answer, right? So if she said to you, why haven't you been in a relationship as an adult ever, what would you say?
Oh, I see. Uh, well, I...

[1:16:11] And then I have a nothing and I've never asked myself that question.
What? You've never asked yourself why you've not had an adult relationship?
Yes, I tell myself that I'm just shy and I don't want to, I'm afraid of rejection. Yeah, I would say.

[1:16:36] Okay, so you would say I've not had an adult relationship because I'm afraid of rejection.
Yes. And what would a woman say to that? You weren't afraid of me. What changed?
Maybe? Well I mean we're talking about a real theoretical here. How do you think a woman would feel about a man who was afraid to approach women because he was afraid of rejection? Would she feel that he would be a good provider, a good Person to go out and compete and get resources in the world and a strong protector and so on if he was scared of girls, How would a woman feel about having children with him? Yeah, that would be a, Pretty big risk to take, Well, it's more than a risk isn't it yeah, It would be like, More of a, well I don't want to put it that bad, but like a death sentence?

The Consequences of Fear in Relationships

[1:17:45] Well yeah, I don't know what I mean, but so the interesting thing is that you're concerned about a woman's history, right?
Yes.
But what about yours?
Mmm.

[1:18:03] This called projection right where you're really concerned and we've it's funny because we were just talking about this abstract virtues versus real issues, Yeah, right. You're very concerned about a woman's history, But you don't have any answers for your own now I can tell you something else that a woman is going to Understand again. We're talking about a quality woman, right a woman is going to understand if you say i'm 24 I've never had an adult dating relationship, right?
Is that fair to say like if you have you been on dates since you were a teenager? No.

[1:18:34] Okay, so you haven't been on dates, right? So I can tell you the dominoes that are going to fall into a quality woman's mind.
She's going to say, okay, most likely a pornography addict, and also is surrounded by people who haven't encouraged him to deal with this problem.
Also he's fine sitting with a pretty disastrous problem and not solving it and not fixing it.
You why you haven't dated as an adult and you give her that thousand-yard stare and you say I guess that's never crossed my mind she would also be of concern that you're not self-reflective and and so on. Does this sort of make sense? So I'm not sure it's a woman's history you need to be majorly concerned with at the moment? Yeah, should be trying to fix myself. What is so scary about rejection?
I

[1:19:45] Would say it's probably something to do with my parents, You haven't really reflected on this stuff much at all, right? No, So, and I'm just, this is not a criticism or anything, I'm just genuinely curious, how long have you been listening to what I do?
It's probably 2021-ish, so it's been a few years, definitely.
I mean I heard of you back in 2016, but I was still too young back then.
Okay, so for you've been listening for a couple of years and Have you listened to call-in shows or anything like that kind of stuff? Every everyone. Oh, Of course. Yeah, because you were just quoting for the Jamaican guy, right?
And Did it ever say When I delve into people's history and how it affects their present and so on did it ever occur to you that this would be?
A useful process for you to go through I don't mean necessarily with me but just in general, try and figure out why you are the way you are based on where you came from.

[1:20:54] Yes, I I'm sorry, can you say that again or rephrase it?
Well you listen to me talk to people about their past and how it shapes them into who they are and, But you don't really have any answers as to why you're not dating or Why you're afraid of rejection so much like in other words You've listened to all of these connections being made between the past and the present And has it never really crossed your mind to say, well, I should do that.

Procrastination and the need for self-analysis

[1:21:27] I should try and, you know, I'm listening to these shows with these connections between the past and the present, I should try and figure out that stuff for myself as well?
Yes, it has. But I haven't done it.
But you haven't really done it though. Like it's occurred to you, but you haven't really done it because again, I'm asking you these things and you're like, well, you know, I sat down and I wrote out my life and here's the thing. Like you don't need a call-in show.
I mean, this is all a process that everyone can do. And again, I'm not trying to be Mr. Nagging, I'm just, I'm genuinely curious about, you, know, you're like an overweight guy who keeps watching diet shows and then has never analyzed his own diet or anything like that.
Wow.

[1:22:12] Self-knowledge, man, the self-knowledge stuff that Steph puts out is great.
Why are you the way you are? I have no idea.
Do you know what I mean? Like it's interesting to me, it's kind of a disconnect, right? Yes.

[1:22:28] Well, no, it's good, you're only 24. I mean, it'd be a lot worse to figure that stuff out at 34 or 44, and I've even had people at 54 call in without knowing this stuff, right?
So you're young enough to sort it out.
I just got to sit down and write down.
I know you recommended talk therapy to me previously, and I never really did that. Never did, actually.
There's no really. And again, nobody has to do anything I recommend, of course, but why not?
Never got to it.
Procrastination, I would say, is the answer for that one.
Right, okay. So if you do keep procrastinating, what does your life look like in six years when you're 30?
Probably the same, except more lonely.

[1:23:43] So is it fair to say that, I mean do you have much social contact, do you chat with people much at all?
Recently it's been a whole lot better, but it's on and off. I've been going to meetups.
And do you, okay, and do you speak with your family of origin, do you have a relationship with mom and dad?
I would like to defoo, it's... I just haven't yet.
They... I speak to them when they speak to me, but otherwise I don't.
Like, they'll call me every now and then, but it's really not that often.
Stop by my house.
Right.
So, I get that you're angry and frustrated and you feel a little trapped and hopeless.

[1:24:54] I think frustration is probably pretty high on that list, right?
Um, that and maybe hopelessness.
Right.
So, just so you understand, so when you called me up and misquoted me, you were trying to provoke in me the feelings that you weren't experiencing yourself.
That's called passive aggression. And again, I'm it's not a criticism and I'm just sort of pointing out the mechanics, right?
So you misquote me and.

[1:25:34] That's because you're feeling angry and frustrated I Assume that, People misquote you your parents misquote you they remember things differently. They don't listen Yeah, right. So and the other thing of course is that if you're a longtime listener, and you're calling up with no self-knowledge, that's anger towards me as well, just so you understand, right? Because I don't want you to feel helpless, right? Because I know that you probably feel kind of helpless and weak and so on, right? But do you know what you're doing when you call up sounding kind of weak and helpless and then misquoting me and then say you've been listening for a while? Frustrating for you?
Well, you're discrediting philosophy. Because I've been listening for so long.
You're like a fat guy, you're like a fat guy, you know, you're like a fat guy coming up and saying, hey man, you wrote this great book on dieting, I've been following your dieting book for years, and you're a fat guy, so what are you doing?
Well you're trying to discredit the diet, right?

[1:26:43] And when you call up and say, well, I'm really concerned about women's history, when you haven't had a date in seven years, that shows a lack of self-knowledge that means you're trapped between you're mad at your parents and you're mad at me.
And I understand that. I'm not criticizing you for that. I'm not blaming you for any of that.
But calling up with this lack of self-knowledge asking me for feedback on something that is not an issue in your life. You don't have a whole bunch of women you're like well I want to choose I want to choose the woman with the best history right? That's not even a thing in your life. You don't have anyone to choose from right? How do I filter women to make sure I get the ones with the best history, and I haven't had a date in seven years.".

[1:27:45] And again, I'm not trying to put you down, I'm just trying to be really blunt here, right?
And why would you, I mean, you don't take my advice anyway, either in terms of general self-knowledge or in terms of go-to-therapy, so you don't take my advice, so why are you calling me for advice?
And again, I know this sounds hostile, I don't mean it that way, I'm genuinely curious, right?
I mean if you haven't listened to the hundreds of shows you may have listened to on self-knowledge, and you haven't taken any advice to go to talk therapy, why are you calling me for advice?
Is it because I'm trying to make you get that feeling of helplessness that I have?
Well and the audience too, right?
Because you're not emailing me. It's a public forum, right?

Excuses and explanations for personal challenges

[1:28:59] I just think every time I think of trying to do something I make up a whole lot of excuses for myself, Sure, I get that and that's another excuse, isn't it?
Well people like to think that an explanation is is the answer right.

[1:29:24] It's it's so like if you're overweight you say well the explanation is that, I snack at night on sugar, right?
So that's why I'm overweight, because I drink soda, right? I drink pop, that's why I'm overweight, okay?
Is that the solution?
No.
No, I mean, that's a reason, but the solution is what? Stop drinking soda.
Stop drinking pop, right, right.

[1:29:56] But you're not even yet at the place where you're trying to find the reasons as to why you are the way you are, right? And again, no criticism.
I'm enthusiastic for you to get a great life. I really am.
But you're calling me up to avoid your problems. Well, but you know, how do I?
My potential partner's history is really important to me, right?
That's not even close to your problem.
So you're calling me up to avoid your problems and I don't like that.
That's probably why I was mildly annoyed at the beginning, right?
And I don't want you to use the community in that way.
It's not really great or beneficial or helpful for you to have a public conversation with the change agent in order to avoid changing your life, right?

[1:30:58] And again, I know that so many times people are like mad and hostile and how dare you?
I'm not, I don't mean any of that. I don't mean any of that.
I mean, I'm obviously, as I'm always trying to be, committed to your very best and potential self, right?
Thank you.
So, what is the problem that you want to ask me about, that you're avoiding by talking about potential dates history?

[1:31:37] Oh, this is something I know I'm sure.
I'm sorry? I want to say I don't know, but...
No, that's fine. Listen, I'm fine with you not knowing. I'm not, you know, I'm not going to try and pull something out of you and I certainly don't want you to make anything up. So why did you call if you don't know what you want to ask? And again, I'm not saying you shouldn't call.
Why are you calling if you don't know what your problems are? What I wanted to ask was about the dating history. I'm sorry I'm not sure I understand the question. Yes but why? Because that no that's not even close to your biggest problem right? You don't have any dates, you don't have any potential dates, you You have never dated as an adult.
So your potential dating history is not even close to the top 100 of your issues, right?

[1:32:48] Why did you call?
Now you could have been like, well, Steph wants someone to call.
I guess I have this question. You could have been trying to please me because, you know, I was asking for calls.
I mean, it could be, you could be being nice in that sense, in a way.
I mean, I'm not, you know, there's nothing negative in what you're doing. I'm just curious.
No, I usually don't take part of the live streams I joined today just because of that.
Okay.
That's not it.

[1:33:26] All right.
And you don't have to have an answer. I'm just saying that it's important to know why you're doing things, right? Because here's the thing too.
So you misquote me and then you claim that you had no intention and there was gaslighting and fogging and all this kind of stuff, right? Do you think that's attractive in someone?
No.
It's really not.
What's come into mind? It's really not. Is I want like a kick in the butt.
Okay, good, so you called me because I'm like one of the few people who is going to give you a benevolent kick in the butt, right?
Good, okay. So this is your kick in the butt.

Kick in the Butt: Overcoming Fear of Rejection

[1:34:15] Get your shit together and get your life started.
Stop being so scared of girls. My god, you wouldn't even be here to be scared of girls if every one of your forefathers I was too scared of girls to have a date.

[1:34:35] Stop assuming that all females are abusive because that's an insult and that lets your mom win, and it's an insult to girls.

[1:34:50] Work on your virtue to the point, work on your virtue and your quality to the point where if a woman rejects you it's her loss.
I mean, believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, I've had women who've rejected me over the course of my life. Like, believe it or not, I've been heartbroken, I've been rejected, I've been cast aside, I've been stepped over over the course of my life by women, right? In fact, some of the women were in charge of social media companies where I had my life's work put, right? Wasn't it a woman who was in charge of YouTube, right? So yes, I have been rejected and have my life's work eviscerated by females, right? Now, I'm a great husband, I'm a great dad, I'm a, a decent provider, I have lots of positive attributes and skills.
So, if you have a great work of art and people don't want it, it's because they don't know what great art is.
It's a shame that they don't know what great art is, so, yes, the people who've rejected me, why do they reject me? Because they can't see quality.

[1:36:16] But you don't have the quality yet, I'm sure you can, but you don't have the quality yet that has you go up to women and if they reject you say, yeah, I'm sorry that you don't see quality, I guess you can go back to your motorcycle guys or your drug guys or your drinking guys You're pretty boys who won't commit and right. I'm sorry. It's really tragic like believe it or not, Damn, I can't and I can't believe I'm saying this believe it or not. There are people out there in the world, Who are not listening to this show? There are people out in the world who never listen to this show, I'm sorry that they can't see quality. I really am. I think it's a real shame. This is the best show in the world.

[1:36:53] Bar none and there's not even a close second. This is the best show in the world, world. There are people out there who don't listen. And you've heard of me in 2015, 2016 and whatever, that's fine. You didn't start listening until 2021 and now you're listening but not doing. So you get a dim sense of quality but you're using it to procrastinate. I'm, going to listen to philosophy that way I don't have to do philosophy. I'm going to be entertained by philosophy so I don't have to enact philosophy. I'm going to observe so I don't have to do.
I'm going to look so I don't have to act. I'm going to listen so I don't have to say or speak the truth.
People who don't listen. And I think to all the people who don't listen to this show, I'm like, I'm sorry that you can't see the quality. I really am.
I think it's very, very sad that people can't see the quality.
I'm continually astounded by the quality of what we're able to do, both as me as an individual and us collectively, I'm really constantly astounded and impressed by the quality of.

[1:37:59] What we're doing here.
You know like uh Tim was saying about my speech as the black single mother to her woke daughter it's like yeah that could have come out of a novel or a movie and it was right off the top of your head i'm like yeah that was really good you know the whole the stuff i was doing earlier in this show about the bonding and the abstract values and and all of that and, i mean incredible amazing i mean how how much that pops the focus of the world into clarity, right? And this is, you know, I'm 43 years into philosophy, 42 years into philosophy.
I'm still coming up with new stuff, great stuff, useful stuff. Even this conversation I think is different for people. So I'm really sorry that people can't see the quality of what's going on here. I think it's sad. Because not like people aren't consuming a lot of internet media, no, they'd rather watch Chunk Yogurt yell at Tim Pool, I guess, right? And you know, know Tim's fine or whatever right but it's not what we're doing here so you.

Striving for Excellence: Being the Best Show in History

[1:39:02] Work on your quality to the point where you're sorry for the people who don't see who you are and then you're not afraid of rejection like yes there are people who don't listen to the show there are people who dip in and never listen again and that's really sad because it's the best show there is and probably the best show there ever will be at least that's my standard like people can say oh that's grandiose or whatever but that's my standard.

[1:39:34] My standard is to be the best show in the history of the world because let's say I do achieve some fantastic stuff which I know I have but let's say I achieve all this fantastic stuff everything after that will have this as an example so it will never be as good.
Never be as good. You know, the guy who punches through the wall, the second guy goes through the wall, there's already a hole from the first guy, he doesn't have to be as strong.
So I'm just telling you, my goal, my aim, and what are my standards is to be the best show in human history, best conversation in human history. So yeah, there are people who don't listen, there are people who are like, oh that's terrible, you see these comments, it's like, oh why would you take advice from this terrible guy, but look I'm really sorry that people can't see quality. I mean it's sad, it's sad for me that people can't see quality. You know there are people who listen to the most beautiful classical music and are like well that's just noise to me and then they, I don't know, pump up LL Cool J or something like that and it's like look I'm really sorry that you can't, like it's really sad that you can't see quality. Right there are some people who would prefer a Big Mac to some beautiful French cuisine. It's like yeah I'm sorry that you can't see quality.
All known women or men who choose bad partners rather than good partners. I mean I just believe it or not I read Britney Spears' autobiography.

[1:40:59] Well okay but she's she is a cultural icon she's had a huge impact on the world and i'm curious what her life is like it's a very different kind of unusual life and boy oh boy i'll do a whole review of this book but talk about simon the boxer man she was terrified of being under the control of her abusive father and where did she end up within a 13-year conceivership under the control of her abusive father. Oh my god that's a repetition compulsion almost beyond words. And Marlon Brando was the same way. His father was completely irresponsible and terrible at business so Marlon Brando is hey like you manage my millions of dollars and invest in stuff that's gonna go bankrupt. That's why he had to keep doing these shitty movies throughout the 60s because his father get blown all his money on stupid investments.

[1:41:53] So you're scared of women because right now they're right. Right now are you of a high enough quality, do you have enough to offer that a high quality woman will run to you?
No.
You're not scared that women will reject you, you're scared they're right.
Yeah.
To reject you.
Am I wrong?
No.
Can you stand in front of a quality woman and say, you'll be, you should choose me over everyone else.
A woman who's got options, a woman who's got choices, a woman who's attractive, who's funny, who's good natured, who's intelligent, who's well-read, who's curious, who's virtuous, can you stand in front of that woman and say, well, of course you should pick me.
Your life will be immeasurably improved by being with me. Can you say that?
No.

Fear of Rejection: The Truth About Men and Women

[1:43:03] Right.
You're not scared of women. You're scared that they're right in not wanting you.
And there's only one solution to that, right?
Fixing myself.
Yeah, and prove yourself to the point where you can stand in front of a quality woman and say, well of course you should choose me.
In the same way my wife stood in front of me and said, well of course you should choose me, and she was right, and I was right, and it's been great.
Because men say, I'm afraid of rejection and that's not even close to true.
There's no man out there who's afraid of rejection because you can always get some woman to go out with you, right? You just have to keep going lower and lower and lower until you find some woman to go out with you, right? Am I wrong? No. No, you're not afraid of rejection by women, you're afraid of rejection by quality women because that really stings, right? Then it's like well I'm not quality enough to attract and keep and woo and wed a quality woman.

Feeling down and questioning self-worth

[1:44:29] Again if I'm off the mark tell me but you sound kind of down on yourself and you don't sound like you feel like you have much to offer is that fair to say? I feel like I have a lot but I'm not using my potential. Okay so tell me what you have to offer a quality woman and I'm not I know that sounds skeptical I'm happy to I'm perfectly happy to hear.

[1:45:01] I think financial stability to begin with, and then I have, well, philosophy, so I have ethics and morals.

[1:45:13] Morals, and I forget, I don't know how to phrase it, just truth. Yeah, that's what I can think of. Okay would you like to hear the skeptical case? I just, yes. Okay so the skeptical case is okay so you've got some money, well of course a woman can get money from the state or she can get money from her own career so that's not a huge plus. I mean it's nice if she wants to have kids and all of that if you're a good owner. Truth? You don't even know why you called me, you called me with a total misquote on what I said and then you gaslit me about all of that and then you say I have philosophy but you're not doing any philosophy and this is great news because if you have all of these wonderful things but women don't choose you then women are just unable to see quality and they're bad right?

[1:46:31] Yeah, right because you understand the MGTOW thing has a lot, I'm not saying you MGTOW, the MGTOW thing has a lot to do with men who don't have a lot to offer women saying well women just can't see quality it's like no they can. You think we've evolved to be the top of the food chain because women have no idea what quality is? Women can see quality they just can't see it in you. Oh well that's because women are just trashy and shallow and gynocentric and hypergamy and true Truffaut's law and like, but it's like, well, maybe, just maybe, maybe women can't see quality and that ain't you yet.
So rather than say, how can I improve so that a woman of quality will really want me, they say, well, women can't see quality and women are bad and women are trashy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
Right.
So are you a direct and honest person?

[1:47:24] No, I don't.
And you don't even know why you are the way you are, which again, at 24 I understand.
I'm not trying to nag on you or bag on you or anything like that.
But if you think you have philosophy and you're direct and honest, when you open up with me with a misquote and then a gaslight, that's not direct and honest.
And a quality person isn't going to want to spend the rest of her life trying to correct your manipulations and falsifications. And the business of a young man is to date girls, right?
Am I wrong?
Yeah, the business of a young man is to date girls. Why do we get jobs?
To date girls. Why do we buy cars? To date girls.
Why do we dress up? To date girls. Why do we have hair gel? To date girls, right?
Of a young man to date girls.

[1:48:27] And you're not doing that and you don't even know why.
So that's good news because if you're doing everything perfectly I'm confident, direct, honest, virtuous, I exercise, I've got a good job, I, like talking to women but women just keep rejecting me then you'd have a big problem right?
Right?
So it's really good news. Like I use this analogy in my Peaceful Parenting book where I say, if you're gaining weight, and it's because you're eating a thousand extra calories a day, that's good news because it means you know how to solve the problem.
If, however, you're only eating 1500 calories a day or 1200 calories a day and you're gaining weight like crazy, that means you have a serious medical problem, right? If you're doing everything right but everything's going wrong, that's a total disaster. If you're not doing everything right and things are going wrong, that's fantastic news. Does that make sense?

[1:49:37] I mean, you know the way that you communicate... It's very monotone.
Feel on the other side. Very monotone, very hopeless, very negative, very despairing, right?
Right. And this is why when you, how do I pick the right girl with the right history out of all of the girls that I have chasing me? How do I? I'm like, come on man, are you kidding me?
You've got to be kidding me.
Okay, I need to have more pep in my voice. Well I mean, that's annoying too, do you know why?
Because that's a surface correction and I'm about root problems, right?
Well, pepping your voice wouldn't hurt, but you've got to figure out why are you presenting yourself with this dull, negative, empty style.

The Impact of Being Dull and Negative

[1:50:55] Who are you trying to keep away by being dull negative monotone guy?
Who does it serve? Does it serve you to be that empty in your communication style?
Is that serving you well in your life? Feels like I'm trying to keep everyone away.
Yes, now does it benefit you to keep everyone away? No.
So who does it benefit that you're alone? Who does it benefit that you drive people away with your mosquito-tinnitus-monotone tone?
My parents. That's right, of course it does.
Because if you're around healthy, normal, positive people, and they look at your parents, what do they say?
They're going to say, oh wow, that's not someone I'd want to be around.

[1:51:55] Right, girlfriend wouldn't want them as parents-in-law, girlfriend-wife wouldn't want them raising your kids and also because they kind of crush the life out of you, I assume, every time they're around she loses everything she finds appealing about her mate.
I mean this is a fundamental question I had to ask myself, am I more attractive when I'm with my mom? And what was the answer? No. No. No. Not at all, right? And I'm like, sorry, if you make me less attractive, I'll try and fix that. If I can't fix that, buh-bye. Does, Does that make sense? You can't have people around you who make you less attractive!
You can't have people around you who drag you down, You can't have people around you who you have to appease with emptiness and depression.

Embracing Your Light and Taking Risks

[1:53:25] I mean you can but it's not much of a life. Is it no, I mean, be appealing, be funny, take risks, be animated. Why not?
I mean, what's the option to just go through life like a half-crushed bug murmuring out of your armpit?
That's kind of what it feels like.
I know! Listen, I've been there, I've been there, you don't think I've wanted to stifle my light from time to time, because that light sometimes seems to be a great place to draw in an airstrike from low orbit.
Oh, just be less charismatic. Oh, just be less funny. Oh, just be less animated.
They'll leave you alone. Right?
I understand.

[1:54:20] Because you're asking people to Accept you when you reject yourself, You're asking for someone to be attracted to you When you don't find yourself that appealing does that make sense?

[1:54:42] So someone meets you right they don't know you from Adam right they don't know you at all They don't know you're a blank slate. They don't know you right, but they got to judge you. Of course, they have to judge you, Just as you have to judge people because that was your first question, right?
So people don't know you right now when I talk to you, I don't know you I mean you've said we've talked before of course, I'm sure that's right, but you're just a guy I let on the show, right?
It's fine. I don't know you right? So then when you kind of talk like this and, Don't really have much like no energy, right? So, I don't know you, but you know you, right?
And what are you telling me about yourself?
That I talk like this and have no energy.
Well, that you don't find yourself interesting at all. You don't enjoy your own company, you don't enjoy your own thoughts, and you don't care enough about me, to not be a monotone on an audio-only show.
Or, to accurately quote me, or to take ownership when you don't accurately quote me.

[1:55:52] So what are you communicating? You're communicating that you're kind of in here for some reason that doesn't make any particular sense and you're misquoting me, which you know is annoying, and that you won't you take ownership of it, and then you monotone, right?
Do you enjoy your own company? Do you enjoy the activity of your own mind?

[1:56:20] How so?
Like what I think about well, I mean Okay, so I mean what do you enjoy the thoughts that you have do you like so this this morning? I woke up, And I wanted to get a little bit more sleep. I woke up and but but this idea about, Bonding and abstractions and virtues was just rolling around in my brain and it was, I'm just, I just lay there thinking about this, and I knew I had a show today, right, so I lay there thinking about this thought, then I go, right, now occasionally, oh sometimes I can worry about this or that, you know, as everyone happens, but the operations of my own brain are fascinating to me, I really like my own thoughts, I find them engaging and interesting and I'm enthusiastic about sharing them, I like my brain. I like my brain. I love being in my brain. I love what it does. I love what we do together. And I enjoy myself, if that makes sense. Are you enthusiastic about being who you are?
I feel like there isn't that much that goes on in my brain. It's just very, lost. Same old, same old.

[1:57:45] Right same old same old which you prefer because it would be to the negative of your parents to break out of the rut Right, which is why you haven't gone to therapy, right?
Yeah Which is why you call me up when I talk about how ridiculous theoretical ethical issues are you call me up about how to vet?
A girlfriend when you've never dated as an adult, right? I I mean, it's kind of funny when you think about it, right?
Abstract virtues and values are a real distraction from a lack of bonding.
Well, Steph, if I, you know, I haven't dated as an adult, but how am I going to vet all of these women?

Overcoming Childhood Trauma and Self-Love Journey Begins

[1:58:33] Now, if nothing was going on in your brain, really, you wouldn't be listening to the show and you wouldn't be calling in. So, there's stuff that's going on in your brain, it's just inconvenient to the people who raised you.

[1:58:46] See here's the thing, man, if you're not loved, and if you're not loved growing up, the only way to end up loving yourself is to say the fuck you to the people who didn't see your quality.
Comes after anger at all the people who disrespected you and most people are too frightened to go through the angry phase because they feel like it's going crazy or they're gonna go lunatic or too aggressive so all the people who didn't respect me when I was growing up and who didn't love me at growing up well fuck them they were wrong I'm an eminently worthy of respect and eminently worthy of love but you've got to go through that fuck you to the people who don't see your quality in order to see your own quality does this make sense? Yeah. So you call me up at these giant locks on your leg saying, not, saying Steph I got these locks on my leg but saying well Steph when I become a long-distance hurdler I guess I'm concerned how my knees should go over the third hurdle.

Overcoming Childhood Repression and Anger

[2:00:07] You are interesting to yourself. Now if you become interesting to yourself then the people who ignored you were assholes.
The people who repressed you, the people who insulted you, the people who put you down were just wrong and assholes. And you've got to go through the phase, if you've been disrespected over the course of your childhood, you've got to go through the phase of being angry.
Because if they're right, and you're not worthy of any respect or energy or love or enthusiasm from anyone around you, if they're right, then you're just going to go through life, holding your own flame at bay and piss on everyone else's fire.
But if you can get angry at being disrespected, then you can end up worthy of respect.
Does that make sense?
Justin says, wow, that angry phrase. Fuck them, they were wrong for not seeing my quality.
Yes.

Struggles of Recognition and Quality

[2:01:09] That is exactly what I have experienced. Incredible insight, thank you, Steph. Oh my gosh.
Do you think, I mean, I got the most incredible reviews for my novels, nobody would publish them.
I'm not a bad actor, as you can hear from my audio books.
It was tough to get any work. Everybody recognized my brain when I was in undergraduate and graduate school, nobody was enthusiastic to mentor me.
Do you think I've not gone through life with people not seeing my quality?
Now, either they're right, and I'm delusional, in which case I'm crazy and I don't have the quality I think I have, or they're assholes for not being able to see quality.
Now, not everyone who can't see quality is an asshole, but the people whose job it is to see quality who don't see quality, they're frauds, right?
Not everybody... Right, yeah.
I don't have to be good at criticizing art unless I'm an art critic, and that's my job. Sure.
And it's the job of parents to find their children interesting.
Of course it is. Of course it is.

[2:02:27] I mean, I've spent most of my life prior to this show outside of the business world.
In the business world, they saw my quality because it made lots of money.
Right? My software made lots of money.
So people saw that.
And people could have made lots of money off my books, but they were too leftist and indoctrinated and hostile to everything that I was writing. And it was a whole sense of life thing too.
I mean, modern novels are horror shows of dysfunction. and my novels were hymns of possibility.
So listen, I understand what it's like to have people not see your quality.
I really, really understand what that's like.
If it wasn't for the internet I could have gone from birth to grave and I probably would have with no one outside of my immediate current family seeing my quality.
Outside of money makers and outside of the people who love me for who I am.

[2:03:22] But I have quality, I mean I have the numbers, if all else fails, right, I have the numbers like a billion views and downloads, by far the biggest reach of philosophy in all of human history.
Like without a doubt, the biggest reach of philosophy in all of human history has come out of these little vocal chords, and this little face, and this not so little forehead.
So I had to believe that I had something of value to offer when everybody was telling me the exact opposite for like 30 fucking years straight. Well no more than that.
I started the show when I was like 40.
So you know for as long as I could remember people were not seeing my quality and in fact were hostile to what I was doing.
I mean they were incredibly hostile towards me in theater school.
They loved me at the beginning and they said oh you should forget the writing stuff you're a great writer but man as acting goes you should just go straight for acting you're fantastic.
Then they found out about my politics and they just hated me.
Somebody says, now you sell yourself short.
Even without the internet you would have found a way to get out to us, newspapers like Dave Barry.
Okay, you're annoying too.

[2:04:35] Sorry, the person who's writing this, don't tell me about my life of trying to get people to see my quality brother.
Don't even try. fucking try. You don't know the struggles, you don't know how hard I've had to work to get the world to see my quality. Don't tell me I sell myself short. Don't insult me by saying that I'm selling myself short.

[2:05:01] Oh, I would have just written a humor column like Dave Barry, I'm not Dave Barry. I'm not a fucking humorist. I'm a philosopher and an artist and, I tried I went to theater school. I made a movie. I wrote 30 plays. I wrote a half a dozen novels. I, Self-published I took Canada's most advanced writing course I had an agent. Oh, Oh, you sell yourself short, man, you'd have found a way to do it!
Yes of course, I mean the internet, yeah, once I don't have gatekeepers, and it's funny because all the gatekeepers that are supposed to be able to see quality, I mean, I can't even tell you, like I can't tell you the massive insults that I as a thinker and an artist received prior to the internet. One day I'll go into it but the amount of hostility that I receive, well you see the hostility that I receive from the gatekeepers at the moment right, the gatekeepers in various social media platforms, the hostility that I receive, I mean that's been a pattern right?
So the fact that I've struggled myself my way through and I know where the limitations are.

[2:06:24] And you're gonna tell me about a 55 year struggle and you're gonna tell me, oh Steph you were wrong you'd have found a way. Oh my god man, man alive. See don't tell people about their lives when they have deep self-knowledge without asking first. This is a really fundamental thing. If you've got deep self-knowledge and other people tell you about your life without asking anything, they just come across as like kind of self-obsessed, self-centered jerks. I'm just... this is the day for straight-up honest feedback, right?

[2:07:06] If I go up to someone who's got a half a century invested in the study of physics and I tell them all about physics without ever asking them about their knowledge, well that's kind of self-centered right? So when I'm telling you that there was a great risk that I would have gone from birth to grave without leaving any social or artistic or philosophical impact and say no no no you would have because you would have written jokes for a newspaper Oh, come on, man.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh, it's wild.

[2:07:48] You're being petty Steph again. No, no, now you're telling me again.
I'm telling you all about my struggles and all the things I've not talked about.
I'm giving you new information and now you're just saying I'm being petty.
So you're doing it again, right?

[2:08:03] You're not asking me any questions, you're not saying, you know, maybe that was premature because you obviously have a lot of stuff that's gone on, tell me more.
Nope, you're like, oh no, now Steph you're being petty. And that's fine, listen, you can do all of that.
You can, I mean, honestly I don't care, I'll forget about this five minutes after the show is done.
Saying that for you, if somebody expresses a great concern based upon bitter multi-decade experience and you tell the person, no you're wrong, you're wrong about your life Steph, you're wrong about your life, I'm telling you what my life has been like and I'm 57, I've got some experience, I've been doing philosophy for over 40 years in the artistic world, in the business world, in the podcast, video, interview, live speeches world, in, academic world for many years, a postgraduate. So I've been doing philosophy for many years.
I have a lot of experience in the hostility that institutions have towards philosophy, and I'm telling you what I think would probably have happened. You're like, no Steph, you're wrong! Because Dave Barry is funny.
I'm just telling you, don't tell people about their lives when they have a lot of knowledge and experience. Don't tell them they're wrong about their lives when they have a lot of of knowledge and experience in self-knowledge.

[2:09:30] Comment was a compliment. The internet is smaller than your life. Sorry you took it another way.
So when, so, okay, DT, I'll play this game. So when you say, let me just get the right phrase here.
I don't want to misquote you after saying to the guy. Misquoting, right?
So now I'm just misinterpreting. It was a compliment, but apparently I'm just paranoid.
I'm just paranoid and can't handle a compliment, right?
So you said, nah, you sell yourself short.
Even without the internet you'd have found a way to get out to us, newspaper, like Dave Barry.
So you're telling me about my whole life and my multi-decade struggle to get my ideas, arguments, and art out to the world, facing constant rejection, decade after decade.
So I'm talking with a lot of experience here. You say, nah, you sell yourself short.
So selling yourself short is not a compliment.

[2:10:25] Oh, you don't trust yourself, you'd have done better than you think, you're down on yourself, you're too negative on your possibility. That's not a compliment.
That's saying that you sell yourself short is not a compliment.
It's saying that I have an inaccurate view of my own life and own possibilities after decades of struggle and sometimes violent rejection.
Right?
I mean, you know when I was going to give public speeches, I got bomb threats and death threats, right?
You know that, right? You know that when I was out there with Miss Southern and people attacked the stage, right?
Had to be tackled by security.
Oh no, but you sell yourself short, Steph, you'd have found a way.
I just think it's funny. I just think it's funny.

[2:11:11] Don't people don't tell people about their lives prior to asking them so if someone says something like, You know, I think it's a Pretty genuine. It's a fairly high risk that I never without the internet that I never would have been able to get my ideas out to the world Over the course of my life now, maybe after my lifetime. I used to like honestly I used to have, These visions of me on my deathbed bed saying to loved ones please just get my novels out there promise me you will get my, poems out there please.

The Importance of Respectful Listening

[2:11:50] So if I'm telling you something I've got you know good self-knowledge if I'm telling you my genuine deep life experience that without the internet I mean I did this for decades without the internet, right? If I am telling you my deep life experience and you want to get to know someone and you want to respect and honor what they're saying, and I think I've earned that, you say, tell me more. You don't just blithely say, oh, you're totally mistaken about your entire life. Yeah, you're wrong. You're just selling yourself short.
Just saying it's annoying. It's annoying and it's off-putting. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. I'm just telling you that I'm a quality person and the response of a quality person when they're telling you about a deep agony of their life saying, oh you're mistaken about that you would have been fine, because Dave Barry got published. Dave Barry? He's a funny guy.
Do you think people threatened him with explosions and murder when he gave speeches?
Do you think Dave Barry?
I mean, this is P. J. O'Rourke! I mean, I remember going to see P. J. O'Rourke read from one of his books, and everybody loved the guy!
Yeah, he'd come out for drinks, and they laughed, and he's a very good reader and a good writer.

[2:13:11] I mean, that's not... You understand that I have a lot of experience with this stuff, And if you're going to say to me about the struggle of many decades of my life, oh, you're just wrong. You're just wrong. I'm just telling you.
I know I'm not wrong.
And so you're just vain and uncurious because you're vain because you're telling me that you know my life way better than I do and that I'm mistaken about something I put massive amounts of thought, time, attention, and risk into. I'm just wrong.
You're not asking any questions. I'm just telling you that it's not how to get to know people. That's all.
To ask questions to be humble to try to get to know someone and again, you know, I get this is a car this chance comment. I'm just saying this is not relevant or it's not important to this particular live stream, It is important in your life that you try to find a way, to stop, Indulging the vanity that says you can tell other people about their life struggles way better than they know than themselves, Because that's off-putting and it's vain because you don't I mean you've listened to me, When I have call-in shows I spend an hour hour and a half sometimes just asking questions.

[2:14:33] With this guy on the call appreciate the call today, I'm asking questions I'm not just saying to him. Well, you're wrong. Are you selling yourself short? You're fine. You're good But yeah, it's not the way, your life's not the way you think it is at all.
I'm asking questions. Why? Because I genuinely want to get to know people.
I don't want to just come across as smarmy and superior.

[2:14:58] So, my friend on the line, will you think about talk therapy? Yes.

Talk Therapy and Making Time for Personal Growth

[2:15:03] My excuse was that I didn't have time, but now I'm making time to go places, so I'm gonna...
Well, if you don't have time for talk therapy, which is an hour or two a week maybe, you, certainly don't have time to date, right?
Yeah. In which case there's no point calling me to ask how you've had a date, right? Yeah.
If you've got time to date, brother, you've got time for therapy.
So, all right, will you keep me posted about how it's going?
Do you think, I'm sorry, I'm not answering the question, yes, but do you think you can do that online?
That's something that can be done?
Oh yeah, you can just email me, call in at freedomain.com, just let me know how things are going and all of that.
I care what happens to your life. That wasn't my question. Can you do talk therapy online?

[2:15:58] Oh, I mean, I assume you can. I'm sure that there are many people who offer that.
My therapy, there wasn't really internet for that when I was doing therapy, but I'm pretty sure you can.
Okay. Thank you very much, Stefan. Sorry for all the trouble I caused you.
Hey, it's not trouble, man. I appreciate that. And you did really, really beautifully on the call.
And I appreciate your frankness and willingness to listen.
I really, really do thank you for the call. And thank you everyone for a great call.
Sorry, we didn't get to Matthew Perry, but we will do him at some point.
Also, Britney Spears.
Boy, we are really going to go. Low-rent celebrity. Although, low rents, nah, that's unfair.
All right. So, freedomain.com/donate if you're listening to this later.
Really appreciate that. Have yourself a wonderful Sunday, everyone.
Lots of love from up here.
Thank you everyone for the greatest conversation the world has ever seen.
And I think will ever see. Take care everyone, bye!

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