https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/parent-stress-warning-1.7307945
0:00 - Modern Parenting Stress
21:29 - The Impossible Balancing Act
22:28 - Unpacking Parenting Expectations
33:01 - The Need for Collaboration
In this episode, we delve into the recent public health advisory issued by the U.S. Surgeon General regarding modern parenting. The advisory outlines how contemporary parents experience heightened levels of stress, with many feeling overwhelmed and unsupported. Throughout the discussion, we explore the pressures of parenting today, juxtaposing it with the challenges faced by previous generations, emphasizing not only traditional worries like financial strain but also new hurdles, such as the pervasive influence of social media and the ongoing youth mental health crisis.
We sift through striking statistics from the advisory that reveal alarming rates of parental anxiety. For instance, two-thirds of parents report being consumed by financial worries, with significant portions feeling embarrassed to discuss their financial situations. An overwhelming 60% of parents convey that their stress affects their ability to focus, while 48% describe their stress as completely overwhelming. The data potentially reflects societal changes, particularly in how parenting norms have shifted in recent decades.
The conversation turns towards the cultural factor—social media and the comparison culture that many parents grapple with today. We unpack the notion that modern parents, particularly mothers, are frequently exposed to unrealistic standards through curated online content, leading to feelings of inadequacy and fostering a damaging cycle of guilt and shame. This increased scrutiny can exacerbate mental health issues, placing an undue burden on parents striving to meet these perceived ideals.
We further investigate the dynamics within family structures, emphasizing the need for strong partnerships. The discussion highlights how a lack of commitment to family values may leave parents struggling to navigate the complexities of raising children alone. We explore the suggestion that modern parents often experience more stress because they attempt to juggle parenting while adhering to societal pressures, which ultimately proves burdensome.
The dialogue reflects on how the historical context plays a role in today's parenting challenges. While many of the long-standing pressures remain, the rise of dual-income households, coupled with rising costs of living, adds layers of complexity. We share personal narratives reflecting on how both parents and society at large need to redefine expectations, create support networks, and establish open communication about stressors.
Importantly, we touch upon the notion that parenting should not solely hinge on perfection but rather on prioritizing meaningful connections with children. Many parents become overly focused on external achievements and comparisons instead of nurturing their relationships, which is a disservice to both family dynamics and personal mental health.
The discussion culminates with a call to action for parents to refocus their priorities, recognizing the importance of balance, shared responsibilities, and the grounding that commitment to family can provide. It’s a journey towards mitigating stress and nurturing both the emotional health of parents and the well-being of children amidst the chaotic landscape of modern life.
[0:00] Good morning, everybody. Stefan Molyneux from Freedomain. Hope you're doing well. So this, this just came out. CBC News, August 30th, 2024. Modern parenting is so stressful that the U.S. Issued a health advisory. Parents say it's overdue. It says parenting these days can often feel like treading water, begging for someone to throw you a rub. But instead of pulling you out, a passerby gives you a high five and says, I don't know how you do it all. The answer, or poorly, according to many parents. Evidently, the stress is taking a toll. On Wednesday, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a public health advisory about the impact of modern stresses on parents' mental health, considering that previous Surgeon General advisories have included the risks of gun violence and smoking in the public as paying attention. So I thought this was going to be kind of nonsense, but holy crap, is it ever kind of not. I want to point that out. I mean, they really are talking about some very serious stuff about this, so my skepticism was false, was wrong. In addition to the traditional challenges of parenting, like protecting children from harm and worrying about finances, there are new stresses the previous generations didn't have to consider, said Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. These include social media, the youth mental health crisis, and increased financial strain, as the cost of some necessities like child care have boomed.
[1:24] So the Surgeon General says, guilt and shame have become pervasive after leading them to hide their struggles, which perpetuates a vicious cycle where stress leads to guilt, which leads to more stress. This was in the report. So these are the numbers, and it is, it's wild. It's wild. So percent of respondents who agreed with the following statements, I feel consumed by my worries about money, right? So look at this. Parents, 66%. Two-thirds of parents feel consumed about worries about money, compared to 39% of others. So this is why people don't want to become parents, right? I don't talk about my stress because I don't want to burden others, 60%, 66%. Money is a cause of a lot of the fights or tension in my family, 58%. I feel embarrassed talking about my money, my financial situation with others, 57%. I feel like no one understands how stressed out I am.
[2:18] And this is a parent as a whole, but I assume this is a little bit more for women. I feel like no one understands how stressed I am. 62% of parents and 42% of others. So that's pretty wild because you're supposed to be in a pair-bonded loving relationship. So you're supposed to have someone you can talk to about your stress, but they say, I feel like no one understands how stressed I am. 62% of parents. Now, I assume that that includes the single moms who don't really have anyone to talk to. My stress makes it hard for me to focus. 60% of parents, when I'm stressed, I can't bring myself to do anything. 50%, half of parents are so stressed they can't bring themselves to do anything. Almost 50%, 48% of parents say most days my stress is completely overwhelming.
[3:06] 42% say I'm so stressed I feel numb. And 41%, most days I'm so stressed I can't. Function. Database on an online survey of 3,185 American adults and... So, it's not the most scientific, and it doesn't break it into married versus non-married, single mothers, and so on, right? So, isn't that wild?
[3:36] So, in his advisory, Murthy also cited data from a 2023 study from the APA, surveyed 3185. Oh, this is the same thing, post-pandemic stress. After breaking out responses from people with children under age 18, 48% of those parents described themselves as completely overwhelmed. So only a quarter of non-parents said the same. The parent-specific breakdown, 41% said most days. Okay, so we did all of that. Numbs, a good word for it, said Rebecca Morin, 34, a daycare provider and mom living in Smiths Falls, Ontario. Morin has two children, ages four and six. One has autism, and Morin says advocating for her is a full-time job on top of the pressures of daily parenting, the cost of living, and work. She says, there's always something to do for the kids. A school fundraiser, a dance fundraiser, a scout's, events, family commitments, and so many other things. Having hobbies is a thing of the past. I even struggled to take a shower the other day because I was just completely exhausted. We are an extremely stressed out generation of parents.
[4:38] Well, that's tough. And one of the things, of course, that has happened over the last couple of generations is people have become increasingly less Christian. Now, of course, in In the Christian worldview, in the Christian morality, in the Christian philosophy, you make a vow before God, and you can't break it. So, in part because of understandable youthful exuberance and desire to have sex, to go party, to travel, to not settle down, and so on, to live a secular life, you get those benefits when you're young. One of the problems that this happens is that men feel less obligated and women feel less obligated to stay in difficult family situations. The pair bonding is not if everyone's healthy and happy and sex life is great and the kids are doing fine and everything's swimming and income is good. The pair bonding is for the tough stuff. The pair bonding is, well, you've got an autistic kid. The pair bonding is somebody gets really sick. The pair bonding is somebody gets It's depressed. The pair bonding is you've got a parent who's taking, you know, five years to die. I mean, that's what the pair bonding is for all the tough stuff. And the problem with the hedonistic lifestyle, and by that I don't just mean people who aren't religious. I mean, just people who don't have a moral philosophy at their core.
[6:07] The problem with the hedonistic lifestyle is it doesn't build up the moral fiber to survive the disasters in life. Look, come on, in your teens and in your 20s, I guess even into your 30s, how bad do things get? I mean, you have your stressors, you know, your career and work and you have education and then you have boyfriends and girlfriends and breakups. But it's really not that bad. It's really not that big a deal compared to the stressors that happen later in life. So the problem is that if you don't develop much discipline in your teens and your 20s, then when you're mid to late 30s and there on goes, man, that's when some of the real tough stuff in life rolls along. Right? Your kids could get sick. Your partner can get unwell. You can have financial issues. Careers can go awry. Parents age. And the whole elder generation starts to get sick. And there's mental health issues that occur.
[7:06] With siblings and so on. It's a big issue. It's a big issue, especially if you've got extended family. I mean, people start falling off the waterfall of death on a fairly regular basis, and it's tough. So if you have this sort of hedonistic lifestyle, you don't build up moral fiber. If you don't take your vows particularly seriously, and I've talked to this with a bunch of Christians who are like, well, I'm thinking of getting divorced, and I'm like, but you made a vow before God, and this is going to imperil your soul and shake it off, right? So, with this, where's the father? Where's the father? One has autism, so maybe she's a single mom, or maybe the dad bailed because it's a challenge with autism. And that's partly the result of this sort of enjoy. So, you know, the devil sort of thing where the devil gives you all these benefits and then the cost comes later. You get all this free stuff and then the cost comes later. Well, that's hedonism. You get all this free stuff, your 20s are a blast. You're traveling, partying, drinking, have a lot of sex, dating a lot or whatever, and then your late 30s and thereafter becomes more and more difficult. And that's because you just don't have the moral fiber. So that's tough, right?
[8:21] So, comparison culture. I thought this was interesting. Part of modern parenting's unique struggles, or what the U.S. Surgeon General calls our culture of comparison, propagated by influences and online trends that create unrealistic expectations for parents to pursue. Parents are inundated with elaborate school lunch ideas, strategies for breaking generational cycles, videos on back-to-school party themes, and influences baking their old goldfish crackers.
[8:45] Julie Romanowski, a parenting coaching consultant based in Vancouver, says that's the poison. That's pure poison comparing to anyone whether or not you're a parent or have children is toxic. Social media is not helping that. It has tanked so many parents' mental health. Okay. Let's be honest about this. That's a girl thing. That's a female thing. That's a woman thing. You know, when was the last time you heard your average straight male saying, well, I can't wear this. This was so last season. Right. I mean, come on. Or has cared about their shoes or has cared about exactly how well the hair thing is a little bit. Everyone's got their broccoli hair these days. So maybe that's it. But for the most part, this comparing to the ideal and feeling that you are falling short and getting stressed about it, that is overwhelmingly, though of course not exclusively, it's overwhelmingly a female issue. And I think it's a single mother issue, maybe even a little bit more, because single mothers do feel like they're not doing quite right by their kids because they don't have a male influence. And so, listen, I mean, this is part of the overlapping circles of male and female. And you sort of take the males and females apart and the structure doesn't survive, right? It's like an archway. You take out the keystone, the whole thing collapses.
[10:12] Because women are there to remind men of social standards and men are there to remind women of individualism and critical thinking. And both are important, right? You have to, you know, as I've sort of found to my both joy and peril, you have to have social standards that you're willing to adhere to. I get that. Even though some of them don't make a lot of sense, that's fine. And women are there to remind men of the value of what we have to do this. And we owe a thank you note. And, you know, you've got to bring flowers to that. And so you've got to call someone. You know, men don't remember other men's birthdays, right? It's kind of the way that it goes. But women keep these social threads going, they keep this politeness going, they keep this thoughtfulness going, and I think that's great. I really do. And it can get too far. Right? So women don't have a break on this comparison idealism conformity stuff because the break is men.
[11:10] Just as men don't really have a bottom to failing to observe social norms, which is why you get this Boo Radley bachelors and so on. So men don't really have a bottom to ignoring social norms or not caring about these little thoughtful consideration things because we have women to remind us of that. And without women to remind us of that, males fall into, you know, a video game, living on a futon and putting the TV on the box it came on, on the ground. There's no particular home-making stuff that men do, right? You just, you know, ramen noodles and a tablet and you're fine. And so men don't have a bottom because the bottom is women and women don't have a top to their anxiety because the top to their anxiety is men reminding them that it's not not that important so, when men and women are separated men fall into squalor and women rise into stress and and sort of panic and so on so that's why we need each other right and they're both very very important, study for studies have linked comparing your own parenting to what you see on social networking sites with higher rates of maternal depression, higher cortisol levels, and increased envy and anxiety in mothers specifically.
[12:21] So this is interesting as well, right? So you always have to look at this language. You always have to look at this language. Parents are inundated with elaborate school lunch ideas. Okay. I mean, this is what men need to say. Turn it off, right? I'm so stressed because I have to carve animal crackers from nothing. I have to make goldfish crackers from scratch, and the woman gets all tense about this, and her husband is like, no, you don't. No, no, you don't. And there's a negotiation, right? I'm not going to get obsessed with standards, and I'm also going to let you remind me to keep the social niceties going. This is sort of the male-female deal, right? So parents are not inundated with anything. You choose to go and seek it out, right? I mean, women can fall into the kind of masochism of infinite expectations pretty easy, right? Men can do it too, right? I have to have abs. I have to have a giant beard. Like, you know, you see on social media, these ads for like testosterone improvement workout, and it's, you know, some guy with ripped abs at 60 and a giant lion's head, right? So it can get a little It's a little silly for men as well, but nobody's inundated with anything. You choose to consume it. You choose to pursue it. You choose to make this your standard. You're not indomitated, right?
[13:47] Let's see here. Oh, yeah, there was this woman who says, Sharma Vadnais, Mama 3, says the generation of parents is overloaded by online information. No, you're not. No, you're not. You choose to pursue it. You choose to consume it. You choose to compare yourself to it, and you choose to feel bad about it. She jokes that as an influencer and parenting blogger, she's part of the problem. Ha ha, funny, funny, funny. Even though she tries to focus on her own family and resist the urge to doom scroll, the stress of parenting, she says, is constant. Even now, just a few months into her maternity leave from her job at the federal government, Sharma Vadnais says she's worrying about her return to the office a year from now. Yeah. Yeah. It's really, really important in life to not let stress just rise to whatever you're doing in life, right?
[14:33] Right. Right. It's really, really important. Right. So, you know, that that weird mold that you had that got biopsied and it's fine and just got removed. So enjoy that like for six months. Right. So if you look at women throughout almost all human history and say to them, well, the problem is that I'm getting paid, you know, $100,000 or $80,000 to stay at home and be with my kids. And then I go back to a cushy job I can't be fired from with the government, I think most women would say, well, that's a dream come true. Oh, and please show me all of your labor-saving devices again. Wait, your house cools in the summer and heats in the winter with the push of a button? You've got electricity that's very, very cheap.
[15:18] You have a dishwasher. You have a laundry machine. You have a Roomba. You have a vacuum cleaner. I used to have to take my carpets out on a monthly basis and beat them half to death in the backyard and pray to God it didn't rain when my laundry was out and you have all of this stuff that's automated and you have a horseless carriage that you can push a button and drive anywhere for very, very cheap. I mean, my God, right? So, if you get better circumstances, I mean, you can make a choice, right? So, you can say, well, the parenting is really tough because I'm getting paid to stay home for a year and then I have to go back to a cushy job with the federal government as, you know, I think the majority of women, certainly the majority of workers for the government are women. It's a prop-up scheme.
[16:07] So, yeah, I mean, you're worrying about having to go back to the office. The other thing, of course, is that you can just stay home. It's pretty easy to not be too stressed about money. I used to have these arguments with family members all the time. It's pretty easy to not be stressed about money. Just stop spending. It's pretty easy. Just stop spending. I mean, I've been up and down with finances in my life. There was a time when I was living on six or seven hundred bucks a month.
[16:37] Six or seven hundred bucks a month I was living on. And what would that be? I don't know, fifteen hundred bucks a month now. So, and I was not stressed about money. I just didn't spend. Right? I would get big vats of pasta and, you know, no-name tomato sauce and maybe a bit of cheese if I was in the money. And I would cook all that up for a week. I would clip coupons. There was a Subway when I was in school in Montreal doing undergrad. There was a Subway that you could get. It was two for one. So I would go and get as loaded as I could without spending extra money. Oh, a little bit more meat. Oh, a little bit more of this. And I would get two for one subs, and that would be four dinners for about five bucks. products. So you just live cheap. I didn't have a car. I didn't even take the bus. I used to bicycle everywhere. I had a job that I used to bike to for an hour to get to work.
[17:42] Finch and McCowan. I put Finch and McCowan from Don Mills and Lawrence. I used to bike 45 minutes to an hour, depending on the traffic. And that's how I, so I even saved the money on the bus. So you just didn't go watch movies. My friends and I would all chip in to rent a movie. so it was like a buck ahead. So we played Dungeons and Dragons when I was younger so that we didn't have to pay for that. So you just, I mean, it's pretty easy to not worry about money, just spend less. Oh, but I'm used to this. Okay, well then you're going to be stressed. So I don't understand why people just don't do that. Right? Just spend less. You know, my income dropped by like, I don't know, up to 80% at times after deplatforming, so I just spend less.
[18:25] It's really not that complicated it's the old man this is um a character in the dickens novel right said uh basically he said uh income is uh forty thousand dollars a year expenses are, thirty nine thousand five hundred result happiness expense income is forty thousand a year expenses of forty thousand five hundred result misery it's really that simple all right Right. She says, ever since the pandemic, I think it's just been one thing after another, and I don't feel like we're being supported or even provided with supports or resources. Right. So I have a problem. Other people need to fix it. Unfortunately, that is a lot of female thinking, and that's not the end of the world. It's not a bad thing. It's just the way that it generally works in the female mind. I have a problem. Other people need to provide resources. That's why we have a civilization. That's why we have houses and air conditioning and heating and and all that, right? So she says, it's just constant, like go, go, go. These are all choices. If you're going to have your kids involved in every extracurricular activity known to man, you're going to be busy and stressed and driving and late and all the time, but then just don't.
[19:30] Oh, but my kids, no, just find ways to, you know, honestly, you can spend 15 bucks on a Monopoly board and you can get months of fun where you don't have to go anywhere. Do kids want activities? No, they want connection with their parents. I mean, and, you know, nothing my daughter likes more than to go for a long hike and chat. I mean, that's free. Literally walking is free. So anyway, has parenting really become harder? Many of the long-standing challenges of parenting, keeping your children safe, meeting their needs, the division of labor, time constraints, aren't unique to this generation, note experts, including the Surgeon General. But several studies in recent years have noted some new pressure. For example, there are more women working full-time, but women still consistently take on a larger share of unpaid household work, including chores and childcare. So you can't have any discussion about parenting without digs at men. Men that it's it's kind of there's a rule like it's it's it's like a rule of physics any woman in particular right this is a woman any woman who writes about parenting and challenges have to take a dig at men right there are more women working full-time so this this isn't a new pressure this is a choice right this is a choice women still consistently take on a larger share of unpaid household work.
[20:53] So they have to say unpaid, right? There is no such thing as, I mean, maybe for single women, but certainly for married women whose husbands out-earned them, there's no such thing as unpaid household work. Somebody has to pay for it, right? Somebody has to pay for it.
[21:12] So yeah, they just have to say, well, the problem is men not doing their fair share. But we men are doing our fair share by paying into the taxes that pay women to stay home during maternity leave, so...
[21:30] And if you're both going to work, well, here's the thing, right? So if you want a house as clean and perfect as a full-time stay-at-home housekeeper or house, I wouldn't say housewife, housefrau. But if you want to have, you know, a perfectly clean and wonderful and well-run household and you want to work full-time, well, you're asking the impossible. It's just not going to happen, right? Because you've got work, you've got kids, you've got the house. And the idea that you can do them all perfectly, it's bizarre. Men, we're always told that we're, you know, you can't have it all, right? And this idea that women can take on house, kids, and work and do them all perfectly is crazy. It's impossible. It's like being at two places at one time. You simply can't do it, right? When you're working, cleaning the house, you're not parenting or working at your job. When you're working at your job, you're neither cleaning the house nor parenting.
[22:29] When you're parenting, usually you're neither at work nor cleaning the house. So you dial up one, you dial down the other.
[22:37] I remember many years ago in the business world, I did a program. I wrote a program which was an interface for prioritization. And there were a bunch of different spending areas for corporations. And as you dragged one line up, the other line went down. You drag one line up, the other lines go down. That's just the way that life is. Whatever you're doing, right? I'm doing this show. I'm not parenting. Neither am I talking with my wife, neither am I cleaning the house. So whatever you focus on, whatever you're doing, you're not doing everything else. This just seems kind of obvious to me. I'm not sure why this is tough, right? So if you say to your husband and you agree with your husband, we're going to put our kids in day daycare, and I'm going to work, then you have to say, then the quality of the housework is going to suffer. Is that okay? And men are okay with the house being less clean. Men are okay with the house being less organized. Men are okay with the house being messier. I mean, it's how we live at bachelors.
[23:36] Right, I used to live on Duplex Avenue way back in the day. And even now, when, you know, So when my wife and I are watching some show and we see some sort of messy place, I'm like, ah, duplex. I still make that joke. And that was after I tied it up because I had a woman coming over. So you just lower your standards. I mean, you have to lower your standards. I'm going to get a full-time job, which means the house is going to be a lot messier. No, the house has got to be perfect. The kids have to have every activity. I have to be at work, and you get stressed because you're not dialing down some stuff because you're dialing up other stuff. I don't know. It's strange to me. It's like a man saying, well, I want to be in a monogamous relationship, and then saying, but I'm also going to date.
[24:25] Uh, no. If you're in a monogamous relationship, you don't date anyone but your wife. So, I don't know. It's just kind of odd for me. So, to constantly take on a large share of unpaid, I've got to say, unpaid household work. It's like, someone's got to pay. Someone's got to keep their bills paid, right? At the same time, parents are spending more time with their children each day than previous generations. I thought this was interesting. The Economist calculated in 2017 that parents spend twice as much time with their children as parents did in the 1960s. So women doubled but men went up like five times right so that's kind of important so women doubled their time with their kids but men went up like five or six times but it's still a few percentage points lower than women so of course they say well men are still doing it less than women even though men have increased sort of five or six fold the time they spend with their kids whereas women have only doubled so i thought that was interesting you just you can't praise men uh you just this is It's just a reality you cannot praise, man. Society hasn't been successful in supporting parenting young children, says Lisa Strohscheiden, a sociology professor at the University of Alberta, editor-in-chief of the journal Canadian Studies in Population. This is true whether you consider the number of spaces where children or their noise aren't welcome, or whether you look more broadly at the reality of the school day being shorter than the average work day. Well, that's not society, that's teachers' unions, so that's not society as a whole.
[25:47] And it's not uh it's not so much that people i mean nobody ever had a problem with my daughter, being around um i remember uh taking i took my daughter as a lovely restaurant in toronto where i proposed to my wife and my wife and i took my daughter when she was about six months old back to that restaurant to sort of celebrate all of that as we had a tough time having kids and and, My daughter was like so charming. I can't remember if she was six months to a year. And why can I not remember? My wife would remember. She'd probably remember the exact day and what I was wearing. Pants! But I can't remember because I'm a man and I focus on other things. But my daughter was so charming that, and it was actually the first time that people had, that we weren't with her for a brief moment, that the waitress, you know, picked her up and after asking permission and took her back to meet the chef and the other, because she was just so much fun and so charming and all of that. So, and my daughters, I remember my daughter, we were on an airplane and it was a long flight and she was very little and she was walking up and down and everybody was smiling and all of that. So it's not that people don't like having kids around.
[26:57] It's that, and there's a restaurant not too far from where I live that had really nice specials on Thursday night. My daughter and I would go there and they always welcomed us. We wouldn't go there every Thursday, but, you know, once or twice a month we'd go because it was really cheap. And we got to know them and we chatted and they would bring her a free dessert to if she wanted it. And she was just, everybody loved it. And it was not high-end, but it was medium to high-end. Again, the specials were really cheap, so it was great for me because I don't like to spend a huge amount of money. But, wow, everybody has always loved my daughter everywhere she went.
[27:38] And so I don't know this whole, like, they're not welcome. It's the kids who are out of control, the kids who are disconnected, to the kids who are screaming and throwing things and having tantrums, right? Those aren't welcome, but that's not because kids aren't welcome. Well-behaved kids or kids well-bonded with their parents are, right, great. That said, this woman, Strohschein, she questions the statistics cited in the Surgeon's General Report that 70% of parents say parenting now is more difficult than it was 20 years ago. There just isn't the definitive data to support that, she added. Of course parents are going to say it's harder today.
[28:20] Complaining about things being too hard. A little bit more male or a little bit more female? You be the judge. One issue may be the framing of it, she said, where we believe that our children's success depends on how we parent them and the idea that there's one best way to parent every child. This is now creating these mental health crises where people feel that they're not doing enough or that they're not successful or that they're in danger of not succeeding and it seems like a recipe for trouble. Well, so that's, again, that's a bit more of a female thing as a whole, that men are like, you know, I mean, you know, love your kids, spend time with your kid, give your kids some good values and let nature play its course, right? Let nature take its course. And that's the fact. Listen, I mean, outside of extreme abuse, parenting does not have a massive amount to do with the eventual success of your children. I mean, it's just a fact. Obviously, we're not comparing this to peaceful parenting, but in general, how kids end up is, is it's hard to find an external cause for that, right? Whether it's internal like IQ or other things, but how kids turn out?
[29:34] I mean, it's funny, because I was definitely going down a bad road before philosophy, so philosophy really worked to help save me. But through philosophy, my friends at the time were exposed to philosophy, and they basically hated it, and their lives turned out badly. So what was it that made me respond positively to philosophy and my friends respond negatively or in a hostile manner to philosophy? I don't know. I can't claim massive, you know, internal credit. Like I started reading philosophy and I was like, this is the greatest thing ever. And this has been my life's work for, you know, 42 years, right? Right? So the fact that I responded positively to philosophy and have loved philosophy for over 40 years and have dedicated my entire life, I mean, certainly in the last 20, but even before that, it was a pretty significant portion of my life. The fact that I have dedicated my life to living philosophy and spreading philosophy, is that because of philosophy? Nope. Because, again, I, and there's another friend of mine who lived philosophically, but there were two of us out of like the group of 20 or 30 friends. Right? So, you know, 7.5 to 10% of us responded positively to philosophy, although we were all exposed to it. Right I mean how many Rush fans become objectivists and then Aristotelian or whatever right it doesn't so it's really hard to.
[31:02] If I hadn't been exposed to philosophy, my life would have been far worse, and not just me, because of my skills, the world would have been far worse. But it was not the exposure to philosophy that did it. It was the exposure to philosophy, plus some X factor within me. Right a lot of people try to learn guitar right i remember trying to play all dead all dead by queen on the guitar learning how to do it in an okay fashion and saying my fingers are short it hurts it does not you know once you're really good at something and have a natural bent for it like language and writing for me then when you don't have that same facility with other things you really notice it right you really notice it so um but some people pick up guitar and you know just absolutely love it, and, you know, as the old song says, I played it till my fingers bled, right? So, yeah, the idea that your kid's success is all to do with your parenting, and you can make one mistake and things go to hell in a handbasket, it's not true. All right, Romanowski agrees the advisory is long overdue and somewhat bittersweet. It was about time, that's what I thought, we should have been talking about this 20 years ago. It's almost like it's so far gone that his recommendations barely scratched the surface. Ah, yes, despair.
[32:16] Fidelia Cabrera, a mom of four living in Ottawa, says she thinks part of the stress is how much parents are overscheduled. There's never enough time. Everything always feels rushed, and you feel like you're never doing things right, she told CBC as she was leaving for a meeting at her child's school. You want to give so much of yourself, but at the same time, where are the moments for yourself? The parents Romanowski works with.
[32:40] I generally have one or two fairly typical children, good jobs, partners, and co-parents. Nice houses and good neighborhoods, and they still feel like they're barely making it, she said. Physically, they look like they're fine on paper, they look great, but the everyday reality, living day in and day out with children, they're barely hanging on. Right? Very interesting. I don't think they have comments on this, right? No.
[33:02] So, they're barely hanging on. Well, so you need males and females to work with parenting. It's a male-female thing. We have evolved for mothers and fathers to work together. And if you don't do it, this is kind of how it ends up. And it is a matter of choice. So women need to lower their expectations and not feel responsible for everything and need to have men. There's no man interviewed here, but of course, that's kind of inevitable. All right. Freedemand.com slash donate to help out the show. Thanks a mil. Bye.
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