0:06 - Introduction to the Podcast
1:14 - Discussing Dark Themes in Writing
1:55 - The Character of Robert
2:26 - Robert's Relationship with His Boss
4:02 - The Shield Club Experience
9:19 - The Nature of Competitiveness
12:27 - Reflections on Morality and Power
30:32 - Awakening from the Sauna Incident
32:17 - Writing Challenges and Creative Process
34:57 - Monetization and Audience Engagement
37:50 - Conclusions and Farewell
In this episode, I dive deep into complex themes surrounding mental health, the influence of peers, and the darker aspects of human nature. We begin with an unsettling inquiry into why an 11-year-old girl might have suicidal thoughts, despite her seemingly healthy environment. I explore the troubling dynamics of how exposure to a role model or peer discussing such thoughts can mislead a young mind, suggesting that her feelings may stem from misinterpreted emotions rather than direct trauma. This sparks a conversation about the responsibilities of parents and the influence of social connections on mental well-being.
Shifting gears, I provide a sneak peek into my latest novel, sharing the character of Robert, a young lawyer who finds himself entangled in a morally corrupt system under the mentorship of his older boss, Peter. Robert's experiences reflect the harsh realities of ambition and the compromises that often accompany the pursuit of success. I detail Peter’s ruthless and competitive nature, framing their relationship as not one of guidance, but rather psychological manipulation. The contrasting perspectives on victory and morality reveal deeper truths about societal expectations and the often brutal nature of professional environments.
I delve into Robert's internal struggles and insecurities, particularly his complex feelings towards his wife, Helen, whose beauty raises his status among peers while simultaneously evoking feelings of contempt in him. The juxtaposition of Robert’s physicality with societal ideals and the superficiality of male competition in exclusive spaces like social clubs lays bare the primal instincts that govern human interactions, intertwined with a critique of traditional gender roles.
The narrative takes a dark turn as I portray Robert and Peter engaging in a sauna conversation where existential musings and nihilistic philosophies intertwine. Their dialogue moves toward questions of guilt, morality, and the weight of past actions. I explore Peter’s disturbing lack of empathy and his philosophical musings on the nature of remorse, suggesting that many people, like Robert, live with a façade of conscience shaped by societal expectations rather than an authentic moral compass.
As the episode progresses, we grapple with profound concepts of power dynamics, the nature of human relationships, and the underlying competition that exists in both personal and professional realms. I reflect on the storytelling process, sharing thoughts on character development and the psychological depth I strive to achieve in my writing. The episode culminates in a discussion about the darker elements of morality and the human experience, emphasizing the often unacknowledged shadows that dwell within us all, and how confronting these can lead to both creative inspiration and moral quandaries in life and art.
[0:00] Okay, so thanks, everyone. This is just donor only. This will remain donor only, unless everybody demands it not be.
[0:06] Thank you for the tip. Why would you think an 11-year-old girl would have suicidal thoughts? She's growing up in a healthy environment and has never been hit or yelled at. She has these thoughts after talking to a 16-year-old girl who is a role model to her. The 16-year-old was the first to tell the younger girl that she was thinking about suicide. If I had to guess, I think the 11-year-old is misinterpreting certain emotions like boredom, sadness, et cetera, as self-destruction. Haven't you just asked and answered your question? Am I missing something? You say, why would she believe that? Well, because she's been exposed to somebody who's suicidal. I mean, I'm not saying that's 100% causal, but isn't that the answer? Am I missing something? So why would you, or why would the parent allow the child to be around someone who is suicidal? That would that's not healthy that's not good.
[1:15] All right i am passively awaiting questions comments issues whatever is on your mind if anything if not no problem, um something dark from the new novel you're working on a little sneak sneak peek for the vip club here oh do you want something it's really dark do you want something it's some of the darkest stuff i've ever written i don't know maybe it's too dark maybe it's too dark.
[1:56] Uh oh uh the answer to the big bane versus big boobs yes that is um i did whole shows on that so you can find that at fdrpodcast.com i did a whole whole set of responses to that all right are you guys ready to go dark, all right so let me let me give you a little backstory to this this character's name is robert, and robert.
[2:26] Has a boss called peter robert is a lawyer he's a new lawyer and he's got a boss called peter and i'm trying to write i'm trying to write a sociopath i'm trying to i'm trying to.
[2:41] And peter of course is much older and freddie mercury is the best singer uh because of the falsetto and also he had a two-tone voice so in this this is chapter 10 uh how many how many words we got on the novel. We have 44,429. So we've got 12 chapters. I think I'm about, oh, I hope, maybe a third of the way done. Maybe a half. Depends. So Robert is a young lawyer who is in the process of being corrupted by Peter, who is a cruel and cold-hearted older man, his boss or his boss's boss so hopefully that will be enough chapter 10 golf is just for people who can't handle squash said peter brushing back his silver locks robert laughed it's a good walk spoiled as the old saying goes don't quote people robert said peter impatiently that's like stolen valor stolen brains. Robert nodded. He hated his boss's constant, what, nagging? Corrections? Exhortations to be better? He felt inferior, but there was no clear way to higher status without submitting to the humiliations of being groomed. The Eliza Doolittle treatment was the only way to the top, it seemed.
[4:02] It was almost inevitable that Peter had only high-status hobbies and sports. Rock climbing skiing of course squash and tennis bowling was apparently only for lower class losers and horse racing peter owned liberty bell a fast horse well bred and well trained which won him significant purses and roamed around the country in a little horse trailer see peter said proudly showing grainy pictures on his latest model cell phone horses used to pull us now we pull them progress, kid. This was not a mentor-mentee relationship. Nothing special. Peter made that very clear to Robert. Peter had acolytes, stable disciples perhaps, and cycled through eight or so interns and new hires. This kept them all hungry and submissive, of course, caught up in tight, panicky, strangled competition with each other and their own demons as well, which seemed destined to win inevitably.
[5:07] Helen is robert's wife she's gorgeous but robert had helen the glowing ace up his sleeve a diaphanous goddess that raised his status beyond the stratosphere robert refused to play the aw shucks how did i land her card he skated close to the edge of treating helen with contempt like, she'll do implying that he had settled for helen was a bold strategy especially as robert battled his weight starting right after he left university. He was prone to gaining both muscles and fat, so he looked great when he worked out and terrible when he didn't. As an avid exerciser, he had developed a three to four K calorie consumption habit, which worked as long as his muscles ate it all, but he lagged on lowering his intake when his muscles turned flabby and indifferent to food. So it all went to his waist, to the strangling body hug of visceral fat that turned him into an addict of the slow, permanent sucking in of the belly that should have given him abs if anything could be seen below the wobbly quicksand of excess eating. But of course, Robert knew with all the tuning fork instincts of the social climber that his indifference to Helen's beauty transmitted to humbled onlookers a truly biblical sense of Robert's own romantic prowess.
[6:31] She must be an addict to something, people thought. He's not rich. He's not famous. He's not super athletic or lean. Ah, it must be something between the sheets.
[6:43] This was worth more than gold in the only currency Robert really knew or cared about. Men defer to money, power, and sex. Three sides of the same coin, so to speak. Peter had invited Robert to join him at the Shield Club, a super-exclusive and upscale social and athletic club in downtown Toronto. Snow-white linen, towels as soft as clouds, hell-hot saunas, spotless premises, and crystal decanters of limewater by every sink. It was like a slice of heaven for sinners. Ten percent of the price of the Shield Club was who was there. Ninety percent was who was excluded.
[7:27] It was a haven away from wives. Robert had yet to meet a high-status male who admired his wife. Admiring, wives was apparently the male equivalent of women over 40 pretending to be married to their cats. Wives were for status, of course, and appearing normal, spending money, pursuing useless pretend businesses, and producing children. Can't live with them, can't live without them. You want to spend money, you have to let me network, cried the husbands while packing up their gym bags. Ezekiel will be there, he's a money machine looking to make a deal. And so kitchen remodels were held hostage until the men got to escape, vacations and jewelry and the black psychosis inducing infinite credit card spendathons were all put on hold until the men could go and hobnob and talk business in gasping sweaty saunas in the same way that women whose cash was put on hold would be too stressed to have sex until the hold was released. It was all transactional and nakedly capitalist, often literally, and it was all frankly acknowledged and even appreciated, just as children prefer playing in yards with fences rather than open borders.
[8:48] And the wives, of course, came with all the satanic powers of the modern state. All the wealthy men knew that their wives, especially if they had married young, could take half or more of everything they had made at any given moment. It was the husband and wife and the state, the thug who always took the woman's side and would happily love the process of disassembling the husband.
[9:19] Robert did wonder how many of these alpha males were in fact gay. More than a few, he guessed, from the crotch glances he got in the communal shower and their general impulsivity and amorality. Everything seemed a burden except vanity, which was a propulsion and a guide. To what? Robert would sometimes wonder, but had to slam that trapdoor shut immediately, lest he fall into a chasm of curiosity. And thus wisdom.
[9:54] Peter knocked sharply on the tall, clear plastic door of the squash court, jabbing a forefinger at his watch. Time, gentlemen, time. The irritated players finished their point and came out, both men pretending to be less winded than they were to show off their quasi-Olympic cardio health, of course. Peter gave a speech to Robert while driving him to the club. Be aware that I don't play sports. It's all practice for war. And society is all war. Don't be fooled. I don't care about your feelings. I don't encourage anyone. I war to win, as everyone should. I won't hold back. If you're bad, I don't care. War is at its most humane when it's both savage and short. If you beat me, I'll shake your hand and learn your secrets. If I beat you, do the same. I did squash in college. I made one of my opponents bleed from the nose. Peter laughed. Just from exertion, I didn't even hit him. I urged him to keep playing, but he pussied out. He was so surprised. Push through, I said over and over, just like being born. God, his face was hilarious.
[11:04] Robert took the place of a sponge, just soaking up strange words and tangential lessons. And he thought of his brother Shane who sponged up all their mother's words without even getting paid. Idiot, he thought. And squash with Peter was a brutal combat. A cruel Aztec ghost stalked the square white chamber with them. The red lines around the court like streaks of childish blood. Peter's intransigent will to win was like a force of nature, impossible to resist, like gravity except for the briefest of moments. But youth had its way with Peter's aging muscles, and Robert did dare to win a game, slashing ferociously at the ball, even pretending he was about to hit hard, then doing a gentle corner lob. Peter could, sorry, Robert could feel Peter's rage and resolution increasing. And it was fascinating to experience the older man's mindset, which was not anger at Robert, but hatred of losing. It was not personal. Robert could imagine Peter raging against a ball machine on a tennis court, lusting for victory over a circling mindless metal arm.
[12:27] Again Robert briefly wondered why Peter was so competitive had such a hunger for not victory exactly but domination over what why the word excellence floated through his mind but his fading conscience nagged at him that there was also excellence in love and friendship and virtue and a lot of other things. It took excellence to dominate, of course, but a dedication to domination was also a deficiency in the ball so fast it was barely visible took over Robert's mind and his tremulous questions scattered like seagulls before a charging boy. In the end Robert won one game and Peter won six, interestingly Peter did not hide his own tiredness but leaned over and panted without shame Peter, Robert did not understand that the older man was signaling his willpower and resolution his power to overcome even the fading will of his aging body.
[13:41] Afterwards Afterwards, in the sauna, Robert was curious if Peter would go fully nude and was grateful to the reprieve of a shielding towel. Peter was clearly in a contemplative mood.
[13:57] You didn't let me win, he murmured, his eyes closed, his sweaty silver hair pressed against the cedar wood walls. I'm not getting out of this sauna before you either, smiled Robert. Good lad. They'll recover our super pruned bodies in the morning That would be nice.
[14:18] Robert did not blink He was not surprised Peter often made comments about wanting death Or at least not being overly concerned with its imminence, Of course, continued Peter, they'd have to dispose of our bodies to avoid a lawsuit. How would they do it? Robert pursed his lips. His lungs were full of wet heat. Tough. It's the security cameras that are the problem, not our bodies per se. Good. Work in legal phrases. So I'd put our bodies through meat grinders. They have them in the kitchen. Be funny to feed us to members, but that's kind of risky. Do you know that there are 125,000 calories in the human body? Probably twice that for an American. Peter laughed, then coughed in the boiling air. So, grind us up. Then that's easier to dispose of. Find your local pig farm, they'll slurp us up like popsicles, and we come back to haunt the world as bacon and pork rinds. Our afterlife is a lower-class colon. Fitting. But the cameras? Peter leaned back further and closed his eyes. I got rid of the bodies. You do the cameras. Remember, your life is on the line.
[15:38] Well, I... You can't just erase them. Too obvious. They can't sue without evidence. No evidence. No body. No problem. Yeah, but I'm younger. Remember that from Squash? Deleting video is a known problem, so everything is probably backed up in real time. But that would be local too, probably only moved off site once a day or week, more likely. Now that would be weird unless it's required for legal or insurance reasons. Members need their privacy. I don't think there are too many cameras inside this club entrance probably exits possibly robert smiled and of course we died from our own competitiveness we weren't murdered so the club would want to pretend we left so they just fake that we're gone they take our cards and backdate signing us out the night before get rid of any security footage that's not too hard and there isn't any in the change rooms anyway.
[16:37] So that's it. They check the last time we show up on security footage. Hell, nothing would even need to be deleted. They just fake us leaving the club some reasonable time after we last show up on the security cameras, then get rid of the bodies by grinding and feeding. They probably have a sewage vent somewhere that could flush us down there too. Yeah, perhaps. That does leave a trace though true, but less and less each time you pour something down. Lots of blood and guts in restaurant garbage. Everything gets diluted.
[17:08] Peter opened his eyes and stared at the wood next to Robert's head.
[17:13] Something about the world, Robert. Most people can't conceive of a prestigious club like this, grinding up bodies and flushing blood and faking us leaving. Do you know why? I find it hard to conceive of. Yes, said Peasher impatiently. But why? I can't think of myself in that position. What's the worst thing you've done, Robert? Peter smiles. You don't have to tell me. I didn't want to know. I mean, I think I know already. Do you have that in your mind, the worst thing you've ever done? Yeah. Yeah. And you go about your day and you make your dinner and your money and you make love to that goddess who puts up with you, and you wrangle with your parents and complain about me, of course you do. Peter's voice grew softer and softer. And how often do you think about this beast, this ghost that lives within you, this worst thing? Peter paused. No, that's a real question. You can answer it. HR is hell, but can't stand this kind of heat.
[18:29] I... I don't think of it often, murmured Robert, feeling as if he were falling back past spiraling stars through superheated space.
[18:43] Most people would guess it's about Chloe, your ex-girlfriend. But I know it's about your brother, whispered Peter. That's crazy. Peter waved a weary hand, then stood up and spilled more water on the hot sauna rocks. The rolling heat poured from the ceiling and down Robert's back.
[19:05] So that's your worst thing.
[19:11] And people think that there's some really worst thing like grinding up bodies and feeding them to pigs that they would be unable to live with peter laughed softly his face a wet sheen of suffering you know i saw macbeth once i got kicked out for laughing it's a freaking comedy drop. This guy is a killing machine who can't sleep because he cleared his way forward by offing the old man who turned him into a killer. It's funny, a stupid morality tale to keep the dumb peasants in line. Don't kill your rulers, kids. That's super bad. And the rulers kill and steal at will by the millions and billions. You think presidents can't sleep because of Vietnam? It's absurd Genghis Khan so tortured by all that torturing did Stalin or Hitler lose sleep.
[20:10] And everyone thinks that there is some line and there is I can see for most people but not all not all, the people who dropped the bomb on Hiroshima Nagasaki they pressed a button and vaporized a couple of hundred thousand people, mostly women and children. Some took ten years of sickening before dying. Monstrous. Inhuman.
[20:41] You know, I have dreams of pushing that button. Not that I'm dying to. I just wonder if I would. Those women raised the children who brutally tortured those POWs, like the Australians in particular. They tested bioweapons on them, froze and thawed them, grew bamboo into their flesh, beat them for hours, dissected them without anesthesia. Their moms raised them, taught them, made them who they are Should they be immune to blowback? No evil men without more evil mothers.
[21:22] I don't want to push that button But I dream about whether I would And I know I would, I'm lying My dream is more about my life afterwards, Would I be bothered? Would I be Macbeth? Would I wake in sweats from bad dreams? But my dreams are great. After the button. I'm barbecuing topless. My wife is 30 years younger. No kids in the house. Do whatever we want. It's heaven. Robert felt unreal dreamier and dreamier the heat was consuming him his limbs felt leaden immobile Peter's voice continued and Robert kept thinking of his mother's voice and his brother's hollow trapped ears filled with neurotic words and the endless estrogen of transient inflicted perceptions.
[22:22] And I have done wrong what people call wrong Robert it never feels that way for me though I'm scared it will it might it's like I'm an archaeologist cracking some Egyptian tomb and the native helpers all run away because I'm going to get the mummy's curse, and I'm scared of it too. Sure, I'm mostly human, but I'm more curious. So I excavate the body and study all the death robes and rituals out in the sunlight. And I wait for the curse. Will I get leprosy? Will bricks fall on my head? Will I get hit by a bus? Will my luggage go missing. And I wait. Because I am a scientist, an empiricist. I wait for the curse to strike. But it never does.
[23:23] I wake up because I have to pee. My bladder wakes me, never my conscience. And going through the world with these superstitious native guides and helpers, precious little help to me, is like being an Olympic athlete competing in the special Olympics. Peter laughed sadly. It's so unfair. People get their gold and then get hit by this curse, this curse of regret, of conscience. But it's like voodoo, I guess, if you don't believe in it. It just doesn't affect you, you know? Do you know that? His voice was whisper quiet. It's the greatest secret, Robert, my son. Everyone around you is crippled by conscience, paralyzed, frightened for punishments they have to first believe in in order to ever experience. And I was willing to believe in it, Robert. I wanted to. I killed animals when I was a kid trying to summon my conscience. I even tortured them trying to get that feel of being good or even wanting to be.
[24:42] The animals suffered, he laughed softly. I guess their parents could push that button and irradiate me. But the animals suffered so that people would not suffer for me. I mean, we do animal testing all the time, Robert, for like makeup and skin creams. This was to save people from me, to make me feel bad for doing wrong. He sighed.
[25:13] But I never did. I mean, I can fake it. A good actor can fake a limp, a disability. And I can fake a conscience. I can fake empathy. It's needed sometimes. And from, this is a great secret, Robert, don't make me show you. I went from animals to mental torture to people. Their actual lives.
[25:46] I've broken hearts, Robert. I still do. I can't even tell you how many people I've sued, men mostly, who have committed suicide. And it pisses me off. It's like killing yourself because you lost at poker. It's weak. And for two of them, Robert, I even went to the funerals, like in disguise, of course, at a distance. And they went into the ground, and everyone cried and sang stupid sentimental songs. I could murder that Diddy. Imagine pure nihilism. And I waited. To feel bad. Hell, I wanted to feel bad. It's like if you wake up from an accident and you can't feel your legs. That's bad, right? You want to be in pain or you're kind of dead. I don't want to be dead, Robert. I want to have life in my limbs.
[26:57] But all the folks at the funeral crying it was like you'll get this when you become a dad i hope you do it was like a kid crying because they dropped their last bit of ice cream into the gutter they weep and wail but it means nothing really most things kids cry about are stupid pointless. And you have to indulge them, I guess, though that's more the work of women, really. But from the larger scope of history, it's all eugenics and war and torture and murder. Like England became civilized because they killed the psycho 1% every year until only the rigidly polite were left. And I know that could mean that I should be killed. But it takes the psychos to behead the psychos, right? Until there are only a few executioner psychos left. And then they all go into politics and law, obviously.
[28:11] So I've kind of killed people, let's be honest It's just the cleanup of the weak Who really cares? The other weaklings crippled by bad feelings For necessary and helpful actions No, And you are bothered by what I've asked you to do with the real estate case. You don't want to delete the server files. You're thinking of reporting me. I get that. Fine. Play around with decisiveness. Good. See if you have a conscience. But you don't, Robert. You fake it. That's fine. camouflage is essential in war. Peter laughed. Do you see how frank I can be in a place where it's impossible to record? You will toy with reporting me and fulfilling your obligations to the code of conduct for a lawyer to professional ethics.
[29:17] But you will be blocked. That terrible decision will be blocked by your lovely wife your heaven because she is one of us of me i can spot that from the other side of an airplane hanger robert, you'll play with doing the right thing obeying slave morality that's the same thing of course and she'll talk you out of it and you will become a compromised realist who understands that morality is just a castrating lie designed to keep people like us from naturally and justly ruling the masses who clamor for freedom but secretly want us to control them. And I'm not trying to change who you are, dear Robert. Just stop you from pointlessly fighting who you are. You are a killer, Robert. Like me. And we kill illusions. Don't be ensnared by these silly ethics, Robert. We win. We accumulate. And we control. Or we die, as surely as we have killed.
[30:33] Peter's voice continued its downward spiral into moral madness and monstrous power until Robert awoke from shocking ice water to the face, lying in the change room, staring at the painted ceiling with Peter's anxious face hovering over him. You passed out in the sauna, idiot. You lost. But tell me, how much do you remember?
[31:03] Come on baby come on that's some pretty good writing if you don't mind me saying so myself, and i think i i've got him and of course the great thing is that in that sorry to me the great thing In that scene, we don't know when the young guy, Robert, passes out. And we don't know how much of Peter's monologue is Robert's secret self, if that makes sense. So, that's a, yeah. That's where I'm at. All right, so let me see here. Comments? Yeah, it's very different for me. It's a very different kind of writing for me. It's not action-packed like a lot of my last books, but it is very internally action-packed, if that makes sense.
[32:17] So i am uh i am very pleased yeah i'm glad i mean i i could use a lot of uh a lot of my abilities for evil and i'm glad that i had it all right uh any other last questions comments, mad praise for the fluid pen my appetite for the book is wetted i was totally sucked in Yes, and I have good guys, and I have bad guys, and I have transitional characters, which is, I mean, the formula, right? So I appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah, it's, for me, some of the best stuff that I've written. I'm just waiting for people to finish their typing.
[33:14] So I've never written a character like that before, and I really do enjoy the challenge. So, all right. um sorry just do you do anything in particular to cleanse from the characters after yeah this was true horror yeah i wanted to write something that's just kind of goose bumpy um cleanse usually i'll go for a walk in the sunshine if i want to cleanse from the characters after which is usually a good a good thing but uh yeah oh scott adams says the new medicine he sees taking seems to be working fantastic the real question might be how much of that monologue was the inner staff I mean, look, we all have the capacity for that, right? Enabling subscriptions and monetization on X. You get paid very little on X. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm still mulling it over, but you guys are donors, so you obviously get a big say.
[34:09] What have I done so far? I'm doing better than I thought on X. Um well um hit me with a y if um hit me with a y if you think that i should enable subscriptions and monetization on x and hit me with an n if you think that i shouldn't i i i can't decide i don't i don't know i can see pluses and minuses to both and i'm i guess i have to consult my new business consultant called my daughter or something like that you think yes yeah okay.
[34:58] I'm just gonna see if there are any no's, no i think it's all yes all yes okay, Oh, the minuses are, so one of the reasons I got deplatformed from YouTube was they weren't making any money for me, right? Because I didn't enable ads and I didn't have ads and all of that. And so they weren't really making any money for me. And especially after YouTube demonetized my live streams. So they weren't making any money. I was just overhead, right? Because I didn't run ads and I was just overhead for them. So if um if i'm not making money it could i'm not as i'm not as problematic so to speak, but if i am uh making money off ads then of course one of the things that can happen and maybe this happens either way but um it just becomes um higher visibility and then of course people are bothered that i'm monetized and they want maybe want to get rid of that and right so, i don't know i mean there's there's sort of pluses and and minuses it's always a challenge this was around x as a whole when you're in a stable situation do you rock the boat and uh but of course as a whole uh the business without new blood will fade fade out right.
[36:17] Because without i mean i love you guys and thank you all for being around for so long but people naturally cycle out of their subscription model and without new blood coming in, the show decays over time. That's just sort of, I mean, I was the director of marketing. I know all about this stuff. So if I don't get new listeners, then it will be, the show will decline and hit a slow downward spiral, which is sort of impossible to recover from, or at least very hard. So pluses and minuses, pluses minuses we shall see but uh i appreciate that um at town policing i don't care about that that's fine that's fine but uh anyway so i also wouldn't want you know.
[37:02] So, yeah, I mean, it's kind of stable. I've been back, and you don't get much. Has Bing on X helped subs in other locations? That is a fine question. Let me see here. It's not. No, we're still down, right? The support declines. You know, people just cycle out, or they get bored, or they move on, or they get broke, or something like that. And so it's not terrible, but we're certainly down from the peak for sure. And it does just kind of decay over time. You always need new customers. So it's not horrible, but it's not great. I mean, it's not like, wow, you know, double my subs or anything like that. So it's nothing like that.
[37:51] So, yeah, that is used to how it's going to have to be. So, yeah, so I'll think about it, and I appreciate that. Yeah, I don't know. I looked up how much you get paid for sort of X number of views, and it really, really wasn't much. Really, really wasn't much. Yeah, I haven't noticed much of a change in donations as a result of being on X. So but of course it's new right so if it's new uh people will have to usually it's three to six months at least and closer to six months i'm just guessing because i don't really know for sure but it's an educated guess uh it's about six months.
[38:45] From somebody starting to listen to donations even really being in their mind so is there more demand for call-ins yeah that's certainly up a little bit but again it's not like five times or ten times or you know anything like that so um all right well you're doing the views anyways right yeah that certainly is true i am doing the views i am doing the views so yeah it hasn't turned things around there's still a sort of general decay but uh it certainly is to me it's just quite fascinating to see what it is like to actually not be suppressed and it just could remind me of just how brutally i was slash am suppressed on uh on other platforms it's wild all right well thanks guys i'm gonna get out of the studio and go and get some sun i appreciate that thank you for kind words about my book i hope you don't mind i'll at least take the book reading part and I'll put it down to donors first and then I'll make it for everyone I'm sure you don't mind that in particular because it's not like anything private was discussed so have yourselves an absolutely wonderful afternoon my friends, lots of love and take care thank you guys so much for your support I really do appreciate it and uh bye.
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