In this thought-provoking episode, philosopher Stefan Molyneux opens up the floor for callers in a freewheeling discussion about the challenges of forming and maintaining relationships as we age. With an earnest and introspective tone, Stefan explores his own life experiences, reflecting on the fleeting nature of friendships and how the decisions of youth often echo into the realities of later life. As he prepares to transition to a more exclusive donor-only format, he invites listeners to share their own thoughts and questions, eager to engage in a collective post-mortem of human connections.
Stefan recounts how hitting fifty-nine has catalyzed a sense of urgency to evaluate his life choices, suggesting that as people grow older, they often reminisce about their youth and the paths not taken. This leads him to muse on the idea that while our past decisions shape our current identities, the relationships we build—friendships and partnerships—can fade away quietly, leaving a profound gap. He ponders the concept of bonding—how we establish connections with others only for them to sometimes dissipate without explanation, likening this to the phenomenon of relationships that seem to "despawn." For Stefan, this raises questions about the reliability of modern friendships against a backdrop of fleeting emotional ties, particularly in a rapidly changing world.
The discussion takes an even deeper dive as callers chime in, sharing their own experiences of relationships that have come and gone. One caller describes how friendships that felt strong can dissolve into silence, leading to a collective realization that often there is no emotional conflict at play, just an absence of communication. This insight resonates with Stefan, who reflects on his own pattern of being the one to reach out, feeling a certain solitude when friends fail to pursue the relationship actively. He reflects on his long-lasting bonds with his wife and a close friend but expresses confusion about why many others simply vanish from his social landscape.
As the conversation evolves, the episode touches on themes of self-sufficiency, technology's role in shaping our social landscape, and how younger generations might view relationships as less critical, due to the abundance of online interactions. The tensions between pursuing meaningful connections and succumbing to the convenience of digital companionship come into sharp focus. This leads to an exploration of cultural shifts, where the norms of connection and friendship seem to have transformed, leaving many feeling isolated even amidst supposed connectivity.
Throughout the show, nuances of modern life emerge, especially regarding how the pressures of societal expectations and personal ambitions can complicate friendships. Stefan articulates the irony of people feeling more disconnected despite an array of technological tools designed to foster connection. The impact of the pandemic and changes in communication styles further illuminates how relationships are not only built but how they can wither under the weight of unmet expectations.
In closing, Stefan acknowledges that while he cherishes the deep connections he maintains, the patterns of relationships fade and ghostly presences remain in the spaces where friendships once thrived. The episode serves as a poignant reminder of the fragility of human bonds and the profound need for authentic communication, challenging listeners to think critically about their own connections and the effort required to maintain them. Coupled with Stefan’s reflective storytelling, the conversation offers an insightful exploration of what it means to navigate relationships in an increasingly complex and often isolating world.
0:20 - Introduction to Today's Big Topic
5:27 - The Changing Nature of Relationships
9:33 - Bonds That Last
10:17 - Evaluating Connection and Commitment
13:08 - The Fragility of Social Bonds
17:53 - The Impact of Technology on Relationships
24:05 - The Role of Propaganda in Isolation
25:51 - The Entrepreneurial Perspective on Relationships
28:30 - Navigating Conflict and Connection
33:18 - Transition to Donor-Only Discussion
[0:00] Yes, so, sorry, good morning, everybody, hope you're doing well, and I have a big topic for everyone today,
[0:06] And if you want to call and help me sort of hash through it, or whatever else is on your mind, I'm, of course, thrilled, overjoyed, happy, and humbly grateful to hear your thoughts, and, of course, this is for donors.
[0:21] And we're going to go
[0:25] In a minute or two to donor only. Oh, let me get my detailed fish-eyed lens.
[0:31] Glasses going on. No mime show today. Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's correct. That's correct.
[0:37] All right. So let's see here.
[0:42] If you have questions, comments, issues, challenges, problems, you know what? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.
[0:47] Let's do it. Let's do it this way. I'm going to ask the question and then.
[0:50] You know, if you all are interested,
[0:52] You can. And I'll keep it going, streaming to everyone. on. If you're interested, we can do that topic.
[0:58] We can do whatever topic you like.
[1:01] So I was just thinking.
[1:04] You know, I'm 59 in a couple of weeks.
[1:11] And it's a funny thing. When you get older.
[1:19] And I'm sort of,
[1:19] I wrote about this in my new book. And the first chapter is out for our listeners, if you want, for donors at freedomain.locals.com or free domain, sorry.
[1:31] Or subscribestore.com slash freedomain.
[1:34] But when you get older, it's like.
[1:36] You kind of
[1:36] Come full circle and your early life reemerges. And maybe it's got something to do with retirement and maybe it's got something.
[1:43] Not that I'm going to retire, but you know, sort of that age.
[1:45] And maybe it's got something to do with the fact that you kind.
[1:49] Of want to
[1:49] Circle back and look at your youth and childhood and.
[1:51] Sort of the big
[1:52] Choices you've made in your life because i mean most of my big choices are pretty deep in the.
[1:58] Rear view like
[1:59] Most of the big things that i'm going to decide to do i have already decided to.
[2:03] Do oh and i've already done or not done right it's uh probably a little
[2:07] Bit too late to become the lead ballet dancer for the ball show i probably a little bit late to go and be a k-pop star probably a little bit too late.
[2:18] Well I mean it's
[2:19] Probably too late if I.
[2:20] Wanted to get back into acting or you know that kind
[2:23] Of stuff it's too late for me to become a great pianist it's too late for me to, learn mime in the correct and.
[2:31] Productive way so
[2:36] Most of my big decisions are behind me I mean who I married is almost a quarter century in the past and it's going to be for.
[2:42] The next hopefully 30 years to go and
[2:48] 30? Yeah, it could happen.
[2:50] Yeah, it could happen.
[2:51] 59 to 89?
[2:52] Yeah, it could happen. But
[2:55] You know, the number of.
[2:56] Children I'm going to have is in the rear view. My career, you know, it's too late
[3:02] To go become a doctor or a lawyer or an accountant or something like that.
[3:07] So when your decisions
[3:08] Are kind of deep in the rear view, you know it's sort of important to evaluate what.
[3:18] Those decisions were you know it's it's too late i
[3:22] Think it's too.
[3:22] Late to have any particular
[3:24] Relationship with my family of origin, and.
[3:28] It's too late i mean realistically it's kind of too late to go and get a phd
[3:35] And it would be too.
[3:36] Much time away from my wife you know and also as you get older
[3:39] You know i got the.
[3:40] New doom game and i used to enjoy the doom games i
[3:43] Started playing it for a.
[3:44] Minute or two and it was okay but it was a bit easy it was a little bit easy but it's like you know you there's not this infinite span of time ahead when you get older right it's limited right because when you're young you
[4:00] I mean i.
[4:01] Didn't really think that much of time when i was younger of course because it just like there's this infinite cavalcade of days minutes hours months and years, even decades, it feels like, ahead of you, but when you're
[4:12] Significantly closer to the end than the beginning, something in my mind.
[4:19] And I think this is true of a lot of people, just kind of kicks in and says,
[4:23] Let's evaluate, right? Let's have a post-mortem.
[4:28] We used to call them in the business world. When we'd finish a project, we'd go over the project, what went well, what went badly.
[4:33] And there's a post-mortem. And one of the things that I've been thinking about, and I'd love to get your guys' thoughts on this is the instability or lack of bonding in relationships. You ever have this? Because the way that I was raised, and this was really deep, really taboo, but the way that I was raised was something like, blood is thicker than water. Friendship through thick and thin. people have got your back. People really, really care. And they're really, really loyal. And that sort of loyalty, that caring, that bonding was very, I don't know if it was an older kind of thing.
[5:27] Yeah, I don't know if it's an older
[5:30] Kind of thing. I don't even.
[5:31] Know if it's promoted or talked about these days among younger people, but relationships were everything.
[5:43] Now, maybe that's because I.
[5:44] Grew up in,
[5:44] You know, mostly a monoethnic.
[5:47] Mono-culture, where, you know, you could get those kinds of social bonds on a regular basis, although they've just kind of grew around you.
[5:55] But I would say.
[5:57] You know, it's funny.
[6:00] I was trying to run through, the relationships that were the longest, that ended without even a bang or a whimper. Like I had friendships from the age of, say, 13 to early 30s. decades.
[6:28] These are people that I sometimes worked with,
[6:33] Sometimes even lived with, and, they just kind of evaporated without anything really, no big conflict. I think one person just didn't return another call, and then just time went on. And it's wild, man. So people who were sort of wound into the very fabric of your life, or sorry, I shouldn't say about you.
[7:01] Because it's about me. I don't want to make it about me, but I don't want to put it in your shoes.
[7:05] So people who were wound into the very fabric of my life that I went through significant trials, tribulations with the people I hiked with.
[7:13] Vacationed with, even people that I worked in the frozen hinterlands of the up north in my gold panning and prospecting days.
[7:21] All of the, I mean, they just, it wasn't even like the, it wasn't even like a chain that snapped or a thread that broke. It was just there, not there. There, not there. now i have pursued people of course over the course of my life if i didn't want a relationship to end whether it's a friendship or whatever even a romantic relationship i've sort of pursued people and i'll just be straight up.
[7:46] And say um i can't remember a time i can't remember a time where people
[7:54] If there's this sort of distance has sort of just appeared uh or the relationship has just kind of despawned in a way.
[8:04] Gone to the back rooms. I can't remember a time when people chased me, like, you know, the sort of eponymous scenes in movies
[8:17] And TV shows where the.
[8:19] Girl's leaving on a plane and the guy's like barreling his way through security.
[8:23] But I love you.
[8:25] You know, this kind of stuff, right?
[8:27] And I don't know if it's something in the history, on the order, or in the modernity, or maybe in human nature or something like that. But the threads, you know, the ties that bind, the ties that, the threads just seem to be really, thin, loose, and threadbare. Now, I could say, of course, I could say.
[8:52] Well, Steph, you had this very tough childhood,
[8:54] And you moved around from place to place, and then when you were a student.
[8:59] You moved 18 times in five years, or you're just constantly on the move, and you were born in Ireland, grew up in England, went to Africa, then Canada, like you didn't
[9:08] Move from place to place, you went to three different universities.
[9:11] Like you're just an in-motion kind of guy, And maybe that combination of
[9:17] Not pair bonding with your family of origin and then moving around all the time.
[9:21] That you're just kind of
[9:22] This gypsy soul that doesn't put down roots.
[9:24] And, you know, wherever I lay my hat, that's my home. And early morning yesterday, I was up before the dawn. Really have enjoyed my stay, but I must be moving on.
[9:34] I mean, I thought of that. However, however, I mean, the big saving grace regarding that is my marriage.
[9:48] And I've been friends
[9:49] With a great fellow that I work with. We've been friends for 16.
[9:54] 17 years, and that's going strong.
[9:56] And my wife and I.
[9:57] Of course, have been married 23 years. And I mean, honestly, I hate to say it,
[10:08] But I want to say it because it's true.
[10:10] Like, just when you think it's great, it gets better. and
[10:17] So the bond, I know that I'm capable of the bond because I have it with my wife, I have it with my daughter, and it's sort of unquestioned and foundational and all that.
[10:30] Kind of stuff. So I can do it, but it's kind of true, like I can do it.
[10:37] And it's not hard, in fact, it's great. But I don't.
[10:41] Know how many people can do it.
[10:43] And honestly, I can think of, and sort of even in the history of this show, And.
[10:48] There have been people
[10:49] That have been friends, we've met up, and they just, I don't generally have much conflict with people. I mean, I have a little disagreement here and there. It's usually pretty easy to work out. I don't really, you know, some people thrive on conflict.
[11:05] And so on.
[11:07] I don't even thrive on conflict in the social media thing.
[11:10] I just don't want to shut up because there are bullies in the world. I just don't want to self-censor because there are bullies in the world.
[11:19] That's kind of the job. You can't call yourself a philosopher if you're self-censurate to that degree.
[11:24] So, like, even over the course of what I've been doing here for,
[11:27] Like, 20 years, I mean, there have been phases, and James, I'm sure, will remember some of these.
[11:31] You know, and I won't go through the names, but these are people that
[11:34] We met up, we were close, we had lots of conversations and so on, and then they just kind of vanish. And it's not like there's some big conflict.
[11:50] So people come in
[11:51] There's sort of bond it feels.
[11:53] Like a bond
[11:55] And then they there's not even an exit, it's almost like.
[12:02] They're it's almost like they always have this thing in
[12:08] Movies where you know Sixth Sense kind of thing or the Fight.
[12:13] Club kind of thing where
[12:14] It was all a dream that wasn't a real person it's almost like that Like there's a simulation that puts people in your lives and then they just, I don't even know how to put it. It's not like an exit because an exit is when someone leaves and they don't leave. They don't storm out. There's not conflict.
[12:29] They just stop.
[12:33] They just stop.
[12:34] It just stops.
[12:36] I'm not putting all the blame on other people. I'm not even sure if there is anything to blame, but it's wild, man. I mean, if it wasn't for my marriage.
[12:45] I would think basically that people are just ghosts
[12:47] Drifting around like ping pong.
[12:48] Balls that pass through each other without rhyme or reason, connect and disconnect without rhyme or reason.
[12:52] And we're all just round in motion atoms in a social space, colliding and bouncing and drifting. And so I know that I'm capable of and love this sort of pair bonding. I mean, I know I've had friends for close to 20 years.
[13:09] But people come and people go.
[13:15] And maybe that's, I know this sort of bowling alone hypothesis, Daniel Putnam, I think his name was,
[13:22] Who wrote many years about.
[13:25] You know, maybe it's multiculturalism or diversity is shredding social bonds or whatever.
[13:29] But, yeah, it's a funny phenomenon that people come and people go. And, I mean, as you guys know, I'm not in touch with anyone pre-Domain. And they just go.
[13:54] And again i'm not i will chase some people sometimes but not too much or too long because you know if people don't
[14:03] Want to for whatever reason.
[14:04] But again it's it's not like they have any problem
[14:06] With me or i i with them really it just.
[14:10] I don't know if there's a word for it i'm sure there is in german some polysyllabic mouth muncher but yeah it's just it's a funny phenomenon how people come and people go and
[14:23] As you get older, these kinds of patterns really show up in your mind.
[14:30] Or at least they do in mine. I'm sure they do in people as a whole.
[14:33] But that, I mean, I've always been pretty self-sufficient if I were faced with, as I have sometimes, I'm faced with like a week on my own.
[14:45] Maybe I can't go anywhere for whatever reason.
[14:48] And it's great. I mean, I can write, I can think, I can read, I can exercise.
[14:51] I always enjoy my own company because that's kind of weird, like I'm a party or something like that. But I'm very self-sufficient that way.
[15:01] And I think that self-sufficiency has something to do with the root of the pair bonding. But yeah, it's funny because there was a guy, I just call him Bob. There was a guy named.
[15:15] Bob who I was friends with in my late 20s, very early 30s.
[15:20] And Bob even met my to-be wife back in the day. And Bob had a bad habit.
[15:33] Bad habit, I would say. I could argue a very bad habit of when we were in social circles.
[15:43] Bob would always make these jokes that were at my expense.
[15:49] Like some silly thing or some foolish thing that I'd done.
[15:54] And I said, you know.
[15:57] That's kind of annoying. Like, of course, I have a goofy side and I have a side that makes mistakes and so on. But I'm a ridiculously competent guy as a whole.
[16:08] I mean, I've done, you know, manual labor.
[16:11] I've started businesses. I've done computer coding. I've written novels, plays, been an actor.
[16:16] I've done the podcasting thing.
[16:18] I'm a really good public speaker. And I'm really good on my feet. I'm a good debater. And I'm good at history. I'm good at philosophy. Like, I'm a,
[16:27] As a whole, I mean, there's things.
[16:29] Of course, that I'm not good at. But on the whole,
[16:31] I'm a ridiculously competent person. And I say that with all due humility.
[16:34] Because it's a lot of responsibility to be good at stuff.
[16:37] But I'm a ridiculously competent person. And, yeah, so just sort of being made fun of for being bad.
[16:45] At things is just, you know, it doesn't sit well. It's good to be able to laugh at yourself, but not all the time.
[16:52] Because life can be.
[16:54] You know, serious and important as well. So I have a, let me just see if there's anybody who wants to jump
[17:00] In and jawbone on.
[17:01] This. Let me just see
[17:02] What y'all are saying about this. Boom, boom. Oh, let's see. Let's see. Let's see. Doom. Sorry, I know this is making everyone see so you've.
[17:18] Got to touch the screen that's on. you do need a
[17:22] Desktop or tablet required does not work on phones to join.
[17:25] In for the call
[17:27] Somebody says my mortality really started to sink in for me when.
[17:30] I turned 30 earlier this year
[17:32] Yeah there was a novel it was an autobiographical novel for some Russian thinker that I read many.
[17:37] Years ago and on the back it said you know that the
[17:39] Childhood window opened up and he saw everything clearly I think boomers killed the bond with their children by neglecting them yeah I think that's right I think that's right Trudette latchkey kids. Yeah, I was a latchkey kid for sure.
[17:53] For sure.
[17:59] I'm sorry, what was the question again? I think I know what you're talking about, Steph.
[18:04] I've experienced similar things.
[18:06] This is the case for most non-immediate family. The less close, the more tenuous. The later generations grew up with the internet and so see relationships as more superfluous. Boring slash difficult equals delete. Somebody says, you're a Jew. Jews resent age and aging and people resent Jews.
[18:29] I mean, nothing that you say is true,
[18:32] But I appreciate your typing.
[18:35] All right.
[18:38] They just sort of fade away.
[18:40] Despawn.
[18:41] Well, but fade away, and I'm not trying to tell you your experience.
[18:45] Of course, but
[18:45] Fade away is like you see less and less. What I'm talking about is you're close, and nothing in particular happens, but you just stop communicating. You just stop talking. how was friendship before the internet was it like this um not really i don't think so, you've had a lot of success that can lead to insecurity and resentment from some friends yeah for sure richard says from your account here it seems like we have a somewhat similar experiential history yeah fdrurl.com slash live call to join in, I saw a video, says Rich, about historical male friendships. They seemed to be much closer on the long letters they used to send each other, more brotherly than modern-day families, yeah. Somebody says, I was friends with a guy in high school. We hung out several times a week for years.
[19:42] And after graduation, he just disappeared.
[19:44] A few months ago, he contacted me after 10 years to let me know he just got out of rehab. He's since disappeared again. Never replied to my messages, very strange. He despawned.
[19:53] Well, I mean, he went into an addict. James says I was also latchkey from age seven or eight, yeah.
[20:01] Yeah. I think a lot of people are non-confrontational, says someone, so they are more likely to disappear than confront you about something you did or said to offend them. Modern friendship equals TLDR.
[20:15] That's pretty funny.
[20:16] Right, I see what you mean, says James. Yeah, it does just stop, not just fade away, like it diminishes, just, it's a, yeah.
[20:22] Diminishing, I could sort of understand. it.
[20:24] So, listen, I'm happy to talk about this or any other subject. Somebody says, on the other hand, if I'm the one who has to keep reaching out at some point.
[20:34] I'll stop carrying the friendship.
[20:36] Yeah, isn't that the thing, right?
[20:38] Isn't that the thing that I think men,
[20:43] Maybe women have this too, this sort of caution or maybe this fear, which is, if I stop putting energy into the relationship, does it still work? If I stop contacting, if I stop planning, if I stop initiating, will the friendship still exist? Will the relationship still exist? That's the me too plus. I have to be me plus, plus, plus in.
[21:09] Order to just equal
[21:11] Someone else or something else. I think that's a, for people who are energetic and focused and maybe good conversationalists and experience these bonds, there is always that question. It's like, oh, if I stop putting energy and effort in.
[21:28] Entrepreneurs experience the same thing,
[21:30] Which is if I stop working 80 hours a week.
[21:32] Is my business even sustainable?
[21:33] And if I stop putting all of this extra effort into friendships, relationships, love relationships, whatever, if I stop putting all this crazy.
[21:40] Extra effort in,
[21:41] What happens?
[21:45] Because it's kind of exhausting,
[21:47] Right? It's kind of exhausting to keep pouring a lot of energy in.
[21:52] So, let's see here.
[21:56] Someone says, Gen Alpha.
[21:57] Is asking if Gen
[21:59] X was allowed to go outside unsupervised until the lights came on. Let is the wrong term. And parents demand we get out of the house and stay away. But most of the time alone, even at home, my parents didn't want to know what I thought.
[22:10] Other than I
[22:11] Knew how to.
[22:12] Obey and not question what, yeah.
[22:16] Somebody says, I had the same thoughts about you. As a donor, I.
[22:19] Felt a little neglected why you got yourself covered in excrement on X. That's fair. That's why we're doing these jazz club chats.
[22:27] Somebody says, me and my wife have struggled with conflict. We made a commitment to resolve it and even called in while she was pregnant. I don't have another relationship in my life I can say similar about that me or the other have gone to similar lengths to resolve conflict. Maybe that's a flaw on my end. Somebody says, I had an incident with a friend after high school. I called him the next day to put things in perspective.
[22:50] And I thought,
[22:51] Continue on as we were.
[22:52] He wasn't having it.
[22:54] Years later, I ran into him in the mall, chased him down to talk again. Oh, and what happened? Somebody says, my generation would cry if the parents forced them out of the house.
[23:05] Too much addiction to movies and video games.
[23:08] Yeah. He was just down with the friendship, wants nothing to do with me or other friends. I mean, that's a big COVID thing too.
[23:16] Right?
[23:17] It is, you know, one of the chilling things to see in life is do friends prefer you or propaganda? That's a tough question to ask, right? The TV is saying this. You're saying, question this. who do you choose? I mean, we know that a significant majority of people will just choose the propaganda over the brothers, parents, kids. Just choose the propaganda.
[24:05] And they'll choose a lot of life,
[24:09] Parenthood, love. They'll just choose the propaganda.
[24:11] And, of course,
[24:12] Propaganda is a flex of power. And most people who resisted power, political power, hierarchical power, coercive power, most people who resisted that over.
[24:21] The course of
[24:21] Human history got killed or ostracized.
[24:24] So there is, of course,
[24:25] You know, well, don't make me choose between you and propaganda because.
[24:30] Well, obvious reasons, right? I wonder how many
[24:37] Relationships have been destroyed since COVID. Yeah. Yeah. During, since. Yeah. I mean, as I've said, like human beings, we can only meet and connect in reality, shared delusions. You know, it's like saying, well, I have a relationship with someone I dream about at night.
[24:58] But don't know in real life.
[25:00] Like you don't have a relationship. There's only self and other, and you can only meet in reality.
[25:05] In truth, in objectivity, that's the only place that you can meet.
[25:11] Getting married in Dungeons and Dragons will not give you a child. So, propaganda substitutes lies for truth, conformity for integrity, and separates people enormously.
[25:32] And I think the amount of propaganda, generally through the media and government schools and so on, the amount of propaganda inflicted on people really isolates us.
[25:41] And isolation is what you need if you.
[25:43] Want to expand your
[25:45] Political power.
[25:45] Right? People need to be isolated and separated, right?
[25:52] Someone says, as an entrepreneur, I'm certain.
[25:54] You know the difference between
[25:55] Working in the business versus on the business.
[25:57] If you're doing the employee's work, who is doing the boss's work while you are not? Or who's doing the boss's work while
[26:03] You are not? Good way to get familiar with bankruptcy, in my opinion. Somebody says, I, my family did this simply dissolved. Yeah. And it's disorienting, right? Because you have all this history, you have all these ties, you have all these memories, and then it just, like it never was. Like it never was. And then it's like, well, but it was. It was not was.
[26:36] Right?
[26:38] Somebody says, depends on the scale. Somebody says, hmm, recently I had.
[26:42] A bit of
[26:42] Recent experience with this. I had a friend.
[26:45] Close to your age actually,
[26:46] Who I actually have a tremendous amount of, who I actually have a tremendous amount of.
[26:53] I don't know what that means,
[26:54] And have had a number of.
[26:55] Great conversations with.
[26:56] I sort of ghosted him because I was intimidated to broach the subject. What subject? I don't know. We got back to talking again and he did ask.
[27:04] Me if he'd done anything
[27:04] To offend or upset me and I opened up about it and we're back on talking again.
[27:08] It's kind of tough, but I think millennials are more conflict diverse.
[27:13] Hmm. yeah uh people would rather.
[27:20] You know there's this old
[27:21] Joke you're like men would rather join a paramilitary force and.
[27:24] Go to therapy
[27:24] Like what would people rather do than just have honest conversations about things that trouble them with people, because conflict and intimacy are often perceived to be opposites you.
[27:41] Know if you're having conflict that means you're not close. It's like, no, no, no.
[27:44] There's almost nothing closer than reasoned conflict.
[27:48] I don't mean like
[27:48] Screaming at each other or anything.
[27:50] Although I guess you're close but trapped in
[27:52] A descending bath.
[27:53] Escape.
[27:53] But when you're actually having a conversation, you're saying, this bothered me about something you did and real-time relationship style.
[28:00] I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying I was bothered. That's as close as you can get.
[28:04] And if you can't have those conversations, I don't know what the relationship is really. Yeah, conflict-diverse is no bond.
[28:17] Yeah, for sure.
[28:19] Somebody says, I think it's important to act on the thoughts of growing apart. If someone crosses your mind, reach out to them and tell them that.
[28:30] Okay, I'll get to that in a sec.
[28:31] Somebody says, I had a dream last night of a guy going to bat for me in a chat group after I was bat. I think the disappearing friends don't see how associating with you will increase the gene meme reproduction.
[28:41] Yeah, maybe.
[28:42] Yeah. Well, and of course.
[28:51] I had this bond.
[28:52] I thought I had this bond.
[28:54] You know, you wouldn't know this sort of back in the day. James is really the only surviving witness in the social orbit of the sort of early days of FDR.
[29:05] We were pretty close. We had some private chats and meetups and so on. And then I certainly, to some degree, with the media attacks, although the media attacks in many ways more in my marriage than anything else but there was a real scattering with.
[29:26] This kind of stuff
[29:27] And again just despawn and then of course when i was deplatformed you.
[29:36] Know people that i had tons of
[29:37] Conversations with.
[29:38] People that i'd
[29:39] Even done call-in shows with.
[29:40] And so on
[29:42] And reasonably close.
[29:45] And the audience as a whole, like, as you'd pronounce,
[29:48] 95%, 97%.
[29:49] And the reason I go by these numbers, and they're not perfect numbers, because who knows, right? But I used to get at least 100K
[29:57] Views on YouTube.
[29:59] And then when I moved to BitChute,
[30:02] I got like 3K.
[30:04] Now, there were a couple of other platforms, but not too substantial. That was my biggest for a while.
[30:09] So I could say.
[30:10] You know, 90, 95, 97% sort of depends on how you count it,
[30:14] But, and the barrier is ridiculously low, right, the barrier to.
[30:21] I mean, honestly, it takes about 30 seconds to sign up on BitChute or Odyssey
[30:26] Or Rumble or something.
[30:28] Rumble wasn't around back then, I don't think,
[30:30] But there was just nothing. and so even those bonds.
[30:37] You know um
[30:40] This is very fragile. And say what you like about other cultures, you know, plus or minus, but they really do. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Oh, freedomain.com.
[30:51] Slash donate. You can tip on the show as well. I appreciate that.
[30:56] But having those bars be very fragile is very beneficial, right? Somebody says, all my high school friends I kept through college. I haven't spoken to them for over 12 years now.
[31:09] Mainly because they never continue to level up. Career, wife, kids.
[31:12] We no longer had anything in common.
[31:13] My closest friend talked about the New York Jets while I'm talking about wife,
[31:16] Kids, career, business, etc.
[31:17] That, I think, is a really good point.
[31:20] That's a really good point. What's that meme about therapy? They have replaced the Catholic confessional and a priest with a liberal woman who voted for Joe Biden.
[31:30] Yeah, I see that.
[31:32] I really am just about the only survivor from the early days.
[31:34] Yeah, that's right, James.
[31:35] That's right.
[31:36] Good on you
[31:37] For being in for the long run.
[31:39] Loyalty is something
[31:39] I really know and value myself. Isolation of the.
[31:43] Target is also moved by predatory personalities. Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely.
[31:47] Isolate, polarize, attack, right? You have to get the prey away from the herd in order to take it down.
[31:54] And that's really what deplatforming is all about.
[32:00] Richard says, hi, Steph, finally got my Rumble login sorted, catching up now. Excellent. Somebody says, yeah, me and my wife figured out that a lot of our conflict was founded in our unresolved issues with our family of origin. Once I confronted mine, it was almost like they vanished, didn't ever exist.
[32:17] Occasionally, I will see my dad,
[32:18] But he just acts like I don't exist. Ooh, sorry about that. My wife's parents will call her once every six months, and between those times, it's like a void. Sad, but we are now seeking to move away for our son's benefit.
[32:29] I'm sorry about that. So it's very sad.
[32:35] Ah, Mines, Gab, BitChute, Library, Odyssey, lots of those sites are probably zombie sites. Library.
[32:41] I think, got
[32:41] Hacked down by regulations. Outside the earlier comment, I think it's more of people's object permanence and inability to move, dodge, be nimble in any capacity. Hmm. Somebody says, I used to watch you in the early days.
[33:00] Unfortunately I got distracted
[33:01] By other things.
[33:02] And completely forgot about you
[33:04] Continuing to watch would have saved.
[33:05] Me a lot of mistakes I think so so I'm gonna I'm just gonna because I have some answers
[33:16] You know whether they.
[33:17] Are the answers or not I
[33:18] Couldn't tell you.
[33:19] But I'm gonna switch to donors only if you want to join on locals fdrurl.com
[33:24] Slash locals fdrurl.com slash locals.
[33:29] And we will keep
[33:30] That chugging along and, you can join us there because I do have I have answers and I'd love to get your thoughts about that I have some answers whether the answers are true or valid I just don't know, All right. Oh yeah, lots of good comments here, so we'll get to those. But I don't want to start reading a comment.
[33:57] We're about to go private in like eight,
[34:01] Seven, six. All right, so let's just wait to go over to donor only.
[34:08] We are now donor only.
[34:10] So somebody says, I think growing up with YouTube and bonding with internet personas just passively, just by passively watching their videos taught me that relationships can exist without any effort from my end. You can get some of the joy of human connection without building any social muscles by watching YouTubers and just lurking on the internet. It's dangerously easy to choose that over legitimate friendships, especially since I bonded heavily with my computer and the internet. Well, it's the kind of thing.
[34:35] Like it's the difference between professional singers and like amateur karaoke, right?
[34:40] And And so the other thing.
[34:43] Too, is that also it's like looking at just beautiful,
[34:49] Beautiful people all the time and then finding the average person ugly.
[34:54] Homely, unpleasant.
[34:57] And this is super stimuli, right? And so if you are looking at someone like me or Scott Adams or Mike Zunovich or.
[35:06] You know, lots of different people on the left and the right,
[35:10] They're professional, like we're professional communicators. So that's our job.
[35:13] We've got very good social instincts,
[35:15] Great language skills.
[35:16] We know how to talk to people. We know how to, I mean, I've done tons of interviews and there's call-in shows and so on, right?
[35:22] So we are professional communicators, and the degree of communication that we're capable of is not matched, most likely, by the average person in your social circle. That may be, may be, but unlikely. And so if you sort of listen to my call-in shows.
[35:40] For instance, and I think they're useful, obviously helpful and good, but if you listen to my call-in shows,
[35:44] And then you say, I need to have conversations like that. You kind of got to build your way up to that kind of stuff. I didn't have conversations like.
[35:55] That when I
[35:55] Was younger, at least not with that level of productivity. So if you are constantly exposing yourself to.
[36:02] You know, sort of top tier,
[36:04] Top 0.1% professional communicators, and then you try and have conversations, with the average vaxxed underhead in your environment, or even before average status propaganda zombie.
[36:16] It's going to be time to replicate. if that makes sense. It's going to be very tough to replicate.
[36:24] Schools forcing kids together who otherwise wouldn't associate doesn't help, especially combined with parents who strictly limit socializing in free time. I spent so much time with a horrible friend group in grade middle school that I wasn't sure how to handle being around relatively better people after moving to high school. I spent three years going between being argumentative and being closed off. Even after opening up a bit in the past year.
[36:45] In the last year, I still had no experience socializing out of class.
[36:47] Yeah. Thank you, Steph. What a gift to hear you talk.
[36:50] I appreciate that. When you were deplatformed,
[36:55] By how much did donations reduce compared to viewers? Are loyalists more generous?
[36:59] So it wasn't quite a 97% drop in donations. That would have been unsurvivable. Definitely massive drops, but not quite as bad.
[37:14] It was very easy to follow you on DLad, but you said after you got kicked off the other platforms, You have a website, so it's easy to find your material, yeah?
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